The following program contains material suited for a mature audience. If you are not over 18 you should be leaving now. Of course I can't control you and neither can anyone else really. This story is entirely false except for the true parts. And now for our feature presentation. Viewer Discretion is advised...
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Judgment Error 30 by: Chip Dyp
(chipdyp@hotmail.com)
Ian woke up and slowly looked around. His head hurt and he couldn't remember how he'd gotten home. He was wearing just a pair of briefs. The last thing he remembered...
Suddenly it all came back to him. Stefan storming into the computer class. Stefan killing Mr. Taffan. Stefan killing Tracy. And David. He remembered David lying on the floor, impossibly bright crimson blood pouring out of his chest.
Ian shook his head and slowly sat up. He didn't want to be alone. He needed to be with his friends. Ian rolled out of the bed and walked down the dark hallway towards the bathroom.
As he washed up, Ian thought about Stefan. For a moment, near the end, he's seemed so innocent and afraid. That was the Stefan he had fallen in love with. And now, that Stefan was gone.
Ian sighed and wiped the steam from the mirror. He was ashamed to admit it, but deep down Ian was glad he didn't have to worry about Stefan anymore. It would have been better if Stefan could have got some help and lived a productive life, but...
There was a quiet knock on the bathroom door, as Ian was brushing his hair.
"Ian? Are you all right?" Ian recognised his mom's voice.
The attack had been traumatic enough. Ian's mom was worried that Ian would descend into the depths of depression. She had seen him in a hospital, near death too many times. She was all too aware of how fragile life was.
"I'm fine, Mom," Ian said. He wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the door. He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a big hug.
"Oh, Ian." She hugged her son tightly. She stroked his back and pulled him closer. Ian rested his head on his mother's shoulder. It felt so good to be in her arms. "What do you want to do today? There are grief counsellors at the school, if you want to talk to them."
"I don't know. I don't really want to go to the school."
"They may be able to help you deal with everything that happened."
"I know. I just don't know if I want to be around a lot of people. I think I'd like to see Rob and Will. To see how they're doing."
Mrs. Reynolds smiled and nodded. "All right. If you want to talk to us about David, or anything else, all you have to do is ask."
"I know. I just don't want to talk about David right now."
Mrs. Reynolds kissed her son on the forehead and nodded. "All right. I'll go make you some breakfast. You finished getting dressed."
"Okay." Ian turned around and walked back into the bathroom. He finished brushing his hair before scampering naked back to his room to get dressed.
He was pulling on a sweater when the phone rang. Ian looked at the phone for a moment before he lifted the receiver. "Hello."
"Hi, Ian. It's Erin."
"Oh, hi Erin. How are you doing? How's Will?"
"I'm fine, but that's why I'm calling. Will doesn't want to talk to me. I know you're probably still hurting, but I'm worried about Will. He loves and respects you. Could you please talk to him?"
"I was going to go see Will today, Erin. I'll make sure he's all right. We've lost enough friends to Stefan. I don't want to lose one more."
"Thank you so much, Ian. How are you doing?"
"I miss David."
"I'm so sorry, Ian."
"It's all right. It hasn't completely hit me yet. It's just not real."
"If you need someone to talk to, you know my number."
"I do. Thank you, Erin."
"You're welcome. I'll see you later."
Ian hung up the phone and sat down at his desk. He picked up the phone and dialled Rob's number from memory.
"Hello?"
"Hi Rob, how are you doing?"
"I've been better," Rob replied quietly. "How are you doing Ian?"
"I'm all right, I guess. It hasn't really hit me yet. It just doesn't seem real."
"If you ever need to talk, you call me, okay? I don't care when, or why. You can call anytime."
Ian smiled slightly. He couldn't help but react to the concern and caring in Rob's voice. "I will, thanks. You're a great friend Rob."
"You've been a friend to me, Ian. How could I not help you?"
"I know, but still..."
"Have you talked to Will yet?"
"No, Erin called me and asked if I'd go and talk to him. She sounded like she's really worried about him."
"I called him, and he just seemed so out of it. He thinks it's his fault that Stefan shot David."
"That's horse shit. If he didn't point out David, Stefan would've shot him."
"I know. I think he needs to hear it from you, though. He's terrified that you and David's parents hate him."
"I could never hate him. And David's parents don't blame him."
"I know."
Ian sighed and looked at the clock. "I'm going to get a quick bite to eat and then I'll head over there."
"Okay. If you need a little help with Will, call me. Jen, Erin and I will come over and give you a hand."
"Okay. I'd better get going."
"Good luck."
Ian hung up the phone and walked up the stairs to the kitchen. His parents both hugged him before letting him sit down. They watched quietly as Ian ate a large breakfast. He looked up at their concern filled eyes and smiled. "I'm all right."
Mr. Reynolds smiled and placed his hand on Ian's shoulder. "We know. If you want to talk..."
Ian nodded and smiled. "I know. I'm going over to see Will. I'll be back later."
Mrs. Reynolds nodded and watched as Ian dropped the dishes in the sink. "The car is in the driveway."
Ian nodded and walked to the front door. Slowly he pulled on his shoes and walked out the door. His parents watched silently as he pulled the door shut.
"How do you think he's taking this?" Mr. Reynolds asked.
"Right now, he's sort of in denial. It hasn't all sunk in yet, but it'll all catch up with him eventually."
Mr. Reynolds nodded. He took a sip of his cool coffee and frowned. "I don't want to lose him."
"Neither do I. He's going to have to come to us though."
"I know." Mr. Reynolds took his wife's hand and squeezed it gently. "We're going to get through this."
Mrs. Reynolds nodded and looked out the window. She wondered if it was Ian's destiny in life to be unlucky in love.
"How's Ian doing?" Jennifer asked. Rob sat heavily on the couch and wrapped his arm around his girlfriend.
"A lot better than I'm doing. He seemed so peaceful."
"He's in denial."
"Is that your expert opinion?" Rob asked sarcastically, "I didn't realise that a high school psychology class endowed you with such amazing powers of diagnosis."
"Fuck you!" Jennifer shot back. "I'm sick of you being a total prick. Several of our classmates were shot and all you can do is whine about poor little you." She stood up and walked out of Rob's bedroom and down the hallway. When Rob followed her out of the room, he found her sitting against the wall crying.
"I'm sorry," Rob whispered. "I just wish I could've done something more." He sat down on the floor beside Jennifer and held onto her while she cried. "I love you. I don't know what I would've done if..."
Jennifer squeezed him a little tighter. "I know," She croaked. "I love you too."
"Ian's going to need us to be strong," Rob said when Jennifer finished crying.
"We'll be there for him. All of us."
Rob nodded and took Jennifer's hand. "Did you want to go see a grief counsellor at the school?
"Not right now. I just want to be with you."
Rob smiled. He stood up and helped Jennifer to her feet. "C'mon. Let's go sit on a couch. I'll make you some tea and we can talk."
"That's a good idea."
Jason sat in the waiting room, waiting patiently. No one would tell him anything about his boyfriend Paul. When a man in white coat came around the corner, he leapt to his feet and chased him down the corridor.
"Excuse me," Jason said as he caught up to the doctor. "I want to know how my friend is doing."
"I'm sorry son, but we can only give that information to family members."
"His family is dead," Jason said. "I'm all he has left and no one will tell me anything. They won't even tell me if he's alive or not." Tears started to roll down Jason's cheeks as all the emotions he had been carrying around came out in a torrent. "I love him and I don't even know if he's dead." He sunk to the floor and pulled his knees to his chest. He didn't care if anyone saw him. It all didn't matter if he didn't have Paul.
The doctor looked down at the crying boy before him in pity. He crouched down and hugged the boy gently. "It's all right. What's his name?"
"Paul. Paul Farrell."
The doctor nodded. He didn't recognise the name, but he could find out what had happened for this hurting young man. "Why don't you come with me? I'll see what I can find out."
Jason nodded and slowly stood. The doctor wrapped his arm around the boy and walked him back to the waiting room. "Here, you stay here, and I'll be right back, all right?"
Jason didn't move as the doctor sat him down in one of the old vinyl chairs. He didn't watch as the doctor walked up to the information desk.
"Hello Mary."
"Hello Doctor Adams. What can I do for you?"
"I need some information on a patient."
"What's the name?"
"Farrell, Paul."
The nurse punched the information into her computer and waited while the information was spit out on the screen. "He was brought in yesterday. Parents are both dead, next of kin has been notified."
"So, he's still alive?"
The nurse nodded, and pointed at the screen. "Uh huh. Brought in with enough heroin coursing through his veins to stun an elephant, but he'll live. He's going to have a hell of a time though, with his parents dead. And who knows how hard it'll be for him to kick the drugs."
"Which room is he in? There's someone here who would like to see him."
"A friend? He's in ward 2, no visitors except for family."
"It's his boyfriend." The doctor tilted his head towards the waiting room. The nurse gazed over his shoulder and gave a small smile.
"2B13. Make sure you tell the duty nurse what the deal is. She shouldn't have any problems letting him stay."
"Thanks."
The doctor turned and walked over to Jason. He crouched down in front of the boy and brushed the hair out of his eyes. "Hey. I've got some good news."
"He's still alive?" Jason asked quietly.
"Yep. If you come with me, I'll take you up to his room."
"Really?" Jason looked at the doctor and his face lit up when the doctor nodded. "Thank you so much!" Jason wrapped his arms around the doctor's neck and started crying again.
The doctor smiled and held back a tear as the boy hugged him. He'd lost his younger brother to suicide. He hadn't let anyone know he was gay until it was too late. He knew his brother would be happy that he was making a difference.
Ian knocked on Will's bedroom door and waited for a bit when there was no response. Will's parents had been heading out to get a few groceries when Ian had arrived. They made him promise that he wouldn't leave until they got back. They knew Will was having a tough time with everything. They thought it important that he wasn't left alone until he was able to deal with everything.
"Will, it's Ian. Open the door."
Ian tried the doorknob again. It was still locked. Ian walked down the hallway to the bathroom where Will hid the extra key. He found the key, then walked back down the hallway and unlocked the door. What he saw horrified him. Will was standing in front of the window, a cable around his neck.
"Will, what are you doing?" Ian asked calmly. He took a step into the room. He saw the Will had tied the other end of the Ethernet cable around the leg of his desk.
"It's all my fault," Will whispered. He looked back at Ian and smiled. "I know that's what you're thinking. You don't have to lie to me. I know."
"You don't know fuck all, Will. What Stefan did is not your fault. You didn't have a choice."
"Yes I did have a choice!" Will screamed. He punched the wall in rage. "I did have a choice. I could have said no!"
"And then you'd be dead. It wouldn't have made a difference. Stefan would've gotten someone else to point David out."
"But it wouldn't have been me. I wouldn't have David's blood on my hands."
"His blood is not on your hands."
"It is too. My hands are stained with it."
"Well, if that's the case then Paul's hands are stained as well. He told Stefan which class David and I had together. This is all his fault."
"He didn't have a choice. Stefan filled him with drugs."
"Still, that's no excuse. My hands are stained as well. If I would have told someone when he raped me that first time, then maybe he could've gotten some help."
"It's not your fault," Will whispered, "You loved him."
"Yes, I did. That doesn't absolve me."
"What Stefan did is not your fault," Will repeated. He shook his head a couple of times and looked out the window.
Ian took a couple of steps towards his friend and held out his hand. "And it's not your fault either." He put his hand on Will's shoulder and turned him around.
Will wrapped his arms around Ian and began crying in earnest. "I'm sorry, Ian. I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want anyone to get hurt."
Ian hugged Will back and started crying along with his friend. "I know. Here, let's get this off of you," he said as he began untying the Ethernet cord. Will stood still as Ian undid the knot and then hugged him again when the cord was free.
Ian walked Will over to the bed and slowly began undressing his hurting friend. He helped him under the covers and sat down on a chair. "You get some sleep. When you wake up, I'll still be here and we can talk."
"Will you hold me?" Will asked. "I just..."
Ian smiled at his friend and pulled off his tee shirt and jeans. "No funny business."
Will smiled and he gave a little laugh before crying again. Ian shut off the light and closed the blinds before slipping into his friend's bed. Will gravitated to Ian and wrapped him up tightly. He sobbed for a few minutes longer against Ian's chest before drifting into a fitful sleep.
Ian rubbed Will back and thought of all the times he had spent with David. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes. He sobbed quietly before joining Will in sleep.
Jason sat beside Paul's bed, watching as his boyfriend's chest rose and fell. It was a sight he had seen many times when they had slept at one another's house. He looked back down into his lap and forced himself not to cry. He had to be strong for Paul.
He was looking so hard at his hands that he didn't notice his mother and an older woman enter the room.
"Jason, honey." His mother said as she walked over to her son.
Jason looked up at his mother, before looking down at his hands once more. "Hi mom," He whispered.
"You had us worried, honey. We didn't know where you were."
"I just wanted to see how Paul was doing. He's my best friend."
"He's more than that, isn't he baby?"
Jason looked up at his mom and nodded before he started crying. Jason stood up and hugged his mother tightly. "Please don't hate me, Mom. I really love him."
"Oh baby, I could never hate you. Your father and I know about you two. So did Paul's parents. We were both waiting for you guys to tell us." Jason's mother hugged him tightly and held his head to her shoulder. She smiled at the older woman and let her son loose. "Jason, this is Paul's grandma; his father's mother."
The older woman smiled at Jason, before turning her attention back to Paul. Jason smiled back and walked over to the Paul's grandma. "Hello, ma'am."
"Hello, Jason. I've heard a lot about you." Mrs. Farrell hugged Jason and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Has Paul woken up yet?"
"No, not yet." Jason shook his head and smiled down on Paul. "I didn't want him to wake up alone."
"I know he'd want you to be here," Mrs. Farrell said. "Your mom and I will go find a couple more chairs. You keep Paul company."
Jason smiled and nodded. "All right." He watched his mom and Mrs. Farrell walk out of the room before turning his attention back to Paul. "I love you, baby," he whispered. "Come back to me, please."
Erin slowly walked up the stairs to Will's room. She couldn't stand it anymore. She had to see him. His parent's had told her that he was up in his room with Ian and told her to go on up. She tapped on the door gently and when she got no response, she quietly opened the door.
The light from the hallway shone across the bed, revealing the two boys locked in an embrace. Erin could see Ian's bare back as he held on to Will. A pang of jealousy shot through her body as she saw the two boys lying there. Will was her boyfriend, not Ian's.
"Erin?" Ian whispered. "Is that you?"
"Yeah."
"Did you want to lie down with Will? He's been asking for you in his sleep."
Erin smiled looked down at her feet. She felt a moment of shame for her earlier feelings. "Okay."
"Get undressed. I'll slip out, you slip in and he won't notice the difference."
"All right." Quickly Erin slipped out of her pants and shirt. She stepped closer to the bed and watched as Ian extricated himself. When he stood, she could see his bloodshot eyes and ruddy cheeks. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Ian. "Are you all right?" She whispered.
Ian simply nodded and hugged her back. She kissed him on the cheek and watched as he picked up his clothes. "Tell Will to call me when he wakes up. He's going to need his friends, and probably some professional help."
"Okay. You've been such a good friend to Will. I think a part of him was disappointed when David finally snagged you. I think that he might have fallen in love with you, had things been a little different."
"Well, he's fallen in love with you now. You take care of him."
"I will."
Ian stepped out of the bedroom and pulled the door closed. Slowly, he pulled on his clothes. His thoughts drifted to David. By the time he was dressed, he was fighting back the tears. Slowly, he walked down the stairs and pulled on his shoes. After saying a quick good bye to Will's parents, he stepped out into the sunlight.
"Hey, we were just coming to see you guys," Rob said as he walked up the stairs to the front door. "How is Will doing?"
"He's sleeping. Erin's making sure he doesn't do anything stupid."
Rob nodded and put his arm on Ian's shoulder. "How are you doing?"
"I'm all right." Ian let out a little sob and was immediately wrapped up in Rob's arms. "I miss him so much."
"We know," Jennifer whispered. "Why don't we take you home and we can talk?"
Ian nodded and reached into his pocket for his keys. When he had retrieved them, Rob snatched them away. "No offence, Ian, but I don't think you should be driving right now." Rob handed his own keys to Jennifer. "Here, I'll drive Ian's car home with him." Rob looked into Ian's eyes and asked, "All right?"
Ian nodded and let Rob escort him to his car. Numbly he watched as Rob started the car and drove towards his home. Nothing felt real anymore. It was like a piece of him was missing. And there was a piece missing. David.
Continued.