The following program contains material suited for a mature audience. If you are not over 18 you should be leaving now. Of course I can't control you and neither can anyone else really. This story is entirely false except for the true parts. And now for our feature presentation. Viewer Discretion is advised...
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Judgment Error 20 by: Chip Dyp (chipdyp@hotmail.com)
I sat at my desk looking out the window into the snow-covered yard. Winter had come early this year, and Environment Canada was predicting that it was here to stay. I was used to the snow, though. Steinbach got more than it's fair share of the white stuff.
I closed my textbook and leaned back. The weather may have been miserable, but I was anything but. Ian loved me. I loved Ian. Nothing more needed to be said. Nothing more needed be done.
Things between Rob and I were still a little cool, but they were improving as well. I knew it had to be tough for him.
There was a quiet tapping on my door, breaking me from my reverie "Who is it?" I asked, looking at the closed door.
"It's Dad. Can I come in?"
"Yeah, I'm just doing my homework."
My dad pushed open the bedroom door and came into the room. He sat down on the edge of my bed, and looked at one of my textbooks. He seemed uncomfortable somehow. It was almost as if he didn't know what to say.
There was a long, awkward silence before Dad asked casually, "So, what are you doing this evening?"
"Oh, uh." Actually, I was going out on a date with Ian. But, I couldn't tell Dad that. "Just going to the school dance with some friends."
"That sounds like fun. I'm glad that you've found some friends. Your mom and I were a little worried about moving when you were just starting grade twelve."
"It's all right." It was more than all right. If we hadn't moved, I'd have never met Ian. "I know I said I didn't want to move here originally, but it's all right now. The people I've met here are fairly cool." I didn't want to seem too happy--that would make Dad suspicious. He'd want to know why I didn't mind being here suddenly.
"That's good." Somehow, Dad just didn't seem to mean that. There was something bugging him. "So have Rob and Will introduced you to any interesting girls yet?"
"They've introduced me to a few," I lied. No wonder he was uncomfortable! He was asking about my love life! That was the last thing I wanted to talk to him about. I turned back to my book, and prayed he'd take the hint and just leave.
"Well, that's good. Your mom and I were a little worried that you weren't meeting anyone because you're good friends with Ian."
Ian? What the hell did Ian have to do with it? Did they suspect something? Or, was there something else. Maybe they didn't like Ian?
It took me a moment before I turned and frowned at my father. "What do you mean?"
Dad looked at me. His words damn near broke my heart. "Well, you know he's gay, don't you? We were worried that your friendship with him would limit your chances to meet other people at the school."
What the hell did it matter that Ian is gay? I'm gay too!
"Why would it?" I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible.
"Well, you know. I mean it's nice that you're friends with him after all he's been through, but..."
"But what?" It felt like a hand had reached into my chest and was squeezing my heart. I couldn't believe this! Dad didn't like Ian because he's gay!
"Ian's a great guy." I just couldn't stop myself. I had to defend Ian. I just had to--even if that meant Dad would suspect something. "Just because he's gay doesn't change that."
"I didn't say that."
"No, but you implied it." It didn't matter what he said--he was obviously homophobic. He didn't like Ian because he's gay. There's no way he'd ever love me if he really knew. I fought the tears, and latched onto my anger.
"You're just as homophobic as those kids that harass him! You just hide it better." I couldn't stand being there any longer. I had to get away before I said something. I jumped up and grabbed my towel.
"I've gotta shower." I ran out of my room and into the bathroom. I slammed the door, locked it, and turned on the shower. I managed to avoid the tears until the sound of the water running would hide my sobs. How would I ever be able to tell my parents? How would I ever be able to get them to accept who I am? Who I desperately needed to be?
I walked up the steps to Ian's house and rang the doorbell. Erin looked gorgeous in this little red dress she had borrowed from her older sister. She took my arm just as the door opened.
"Hello, Mr. Reynolds," I said politely.
"Hi Rob," Mr. Reynolds said. He turned to Jennifer and smiled at her. "Hello Jennifer. That's quite the dress."
"Thank you, Mr. Reynolds."
"Why don't you kids have a seat? I'm sure Ian will be right up."
Jennifer and I had just taken a seat when Ian poked his head out the basement door. "Hi guys, I'll be right there. I'm just trying to decide what to wear."
"Hold on, Ian. I'll come help you," Jennifer said, hopping off the couch. She gave me a little kiss on the cheek, and whispered, "I'll be right back, beautiful."
When Erin pulled the door closed behind her, Ian's father looked at me for a few moments and then said, "Ian sure is putting a lot of effort into looking good nowadays. I suppose it means that he is healing, but I wonder if there is something else to it?" He looked at me casually and continued. "Perhaps he's found a boyfriend?"
"Not to my knowledge, Mr. Reynolds," I lied with a smile. I was getting as good at lying as any politician in the land.
"Oh, come now, Rob. It's obvious."
"What is, sir?"
"Ian's got a boyfriend. His mother and I aren't blind."
"I know nothing about it, sir."
"I'll bet you're just saying that because his boyfriend isn't out of the closet. Perhaps a close friend of yours?"
I paused for a few seconds to formulate my answer. I didn't want to dig too deep a hole for myself or for Ian. "Mr. Reynolds, I honestly don't know if Ian has a boyfriend or if he does, who his boyfriend is."
"It's Will, isn't it?" Mr. Reynolds asked slyly. His eyes were gleaming and he had a grin on his face.
"Will?" I sputtered. Okay, maybe I wasn't as good as a politician.
"Don't worry, Rob. Ian's mom and I won't tell anyone."
"But..."
The basement door opened and Ian stepped out. He looked quite good, for a guy. He smiled at his dad and I, and then asked, "Don't let me interrupt you. What were you talking about?"
"How the football team is doing this year," Ian's dad replied before I had a chance to speak. He winked at me and smiled. "Rob thinks that they have a chance to go all the way."
"We certainly do," I said with a smile. I had to make Ian's dad think that he was in on some little secret and then tell Ian the truth.
"Well, we better get going. You know how Will gets when we're late picking him up." Erin said, smiling at me. Mr. Reynolds' eyebrow went up and a big smile crossed his face.
I stifled a laugh, as Ian nodded and pulled on a pair of black wing tip Doc Marten's. I grabbed my shoes and followed Ian and Erin out to the minivan. This was so contrived that if it weren't really happening, I wouldn't believe it. Once we were safely in the van, I looked in the rear view mirror and smiled at Ian. "You're gonna have to tell your Dad that you've found a boyfriend soon, Ian."
"Why? Because he thinks that Will and I are going out?"
"You know?"
"I had my suspicions. He and mom keep asking about Will, and what's going on."
I laughed. "And of course, you aren't telling them the truth because it's convenient if they believe a half truth."
"Of course."
I shook my head and backed out of the driveway. "You're a devious boy, Ian."
"But of course. David's meeting us at Will's, isn't he?"
"Yeah."
Ian blushed and looked out the window. I glanced over at Erin and smiled at her. She smiled back at me and took my hand. Love is beautiful.
"What's wrong, David?" Will asked as I sat quietly on his bed. He had been talking about something when my mind wandered back to my father and all that he had said to me this afternoon.
"Nothing. I'm sorry I wasn't listening. What were you saying?"
"Nothing important. Listen, something is bothering you. Why don't you tell me what it is? Maybe I can help you."
"It's nothing you can help me with Will. It's just something that I have to deal with."
"You know, I'm here if you need anything."
"I know. You're a great guy, Will." I stood up and hugged him tightly. "I don't know where Ian and I would be without you."
"You'd probably still be going out." Will hugged me back and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"You know, for a straight boy, you're awfully friendly."
Will laughed, and sat down on his bed. "It's just the way I was brought up. My mom and dad taught me that there was nothing wrong with guys hugging or kissing other guys. I'm secure in my manhood. What about you?"
"My parent's aren't really physical. I mean, I remember them hugging me when I was little, but when I started going to school it pretty much ended."
"That's too bad. My dad would hug me if I needed a hug when I was older. I still hug them on occasion. It's not a sexual thing, just a display of affection."
I smiled and thought about what Will had just said. "That's cool. Are you going to raise any boys that you have like that?"
"Definitely. I want them to know that there's nothing wrong with guys showing affection to other guys. And if they fall in love with another boy, then they fall in love with another boy. Absolutely nothing wrong with that."
"You're gonna make a great parent, Will. Your kids are going to be very lucky."
"Thanks. What about you?"
"I don't know. I'd like to have kids, but you know."
"Just because you're gay, doesn't mean you can't have kids.'
"I know but..."
"But nothing. Who you have sex with shouldn't have that great an impact on your life."
"You think?"
"I know. You and Ian will make great parents," He paused for a second and looked up at me, "I mean, if you have kids together, you know."
"Thanks."
"We should head upstairs. Rob and the van should be here anytime now."
Silently, I watched Ian and David as they smiled at each other for the umpteenth time. They looked so cute together. If they were ever able to have kids together through some miracle of modern science, they'd be beautiful.
I looked down in my lap and thought about Laura and the short time that we had been able to spend together at the lake. It wasn't a lot of time but every second of it was special to me. She was special to me. But she was so far away.
"So, are you three available for a dance tonight?" Erin asked, swivelling around in her seat.
"I'm always available for a dance with you, Erin," I replied with a smile. "However, I fear these two," I pointed my thumb at David and Ian, "Will be to busy staring at each other and blushing to dance with a beautiful woman such as yourself."
"Hardly!" Ian said, smacking me on the arm. "I'd be more than happy to dance with you tonight, Erin. If it's all right with your boyfriend."
"I'm hardly gonna be jealous if she dance with a couple gay boys who are going out."
"And what about me?" I asked coyly.
"You aren't much of a threat either. You've got a girlfriend."
"Besides, Rob doesn't have much of a say in the matter," Erin said, smacking him on the arm. "You're gonna have to watch your boyfriend tonight, Ian."
"Why's that?" Ian asked, leaning forward.
"Well, none of the girls know that he's not available. You're gonna have them crawling all over you. Pestering you to dance with them. Fall in love with them."
David's eyes opened wide. "Ian's got nothing to worry about. I mean, I love him, and..."
"She was just teasing, beautiful," Ian said with a smile. "But if you want to dance, it's all right. I don't mind. Who knows, there may be some girl who doesn't know I'm gay yet."
"Somehow, I think you'll be just as popular as David, Ian. You're unavailable, so you're gonna have all the girls asking to dance with you."
I laughed as Ian blushed at Erin's suggestion. I was just about to say something when Rob announced that we had arrived, and pulled into a parking space. The five of us hopped out of the van and straightened things out. Ian and David remained close, even though they weren't holding each other's hands. Erin had taken Rob's arm and even I had to admit that she and Rob looked stunning together. I walked a few paces behind Ian and David as we walked up the path to the school. I didn't really fit in, without Laura. All my friends had someone that they could be close to. I was the fifth wheel, and boy did it suck.
"So, what do you think," David asked, taking a sip of his Coke.
"I'm glad I came," I replied. I looked up at the dance floor where Rob and Erin were dancing. After I invited David to go to the dance with me, I kinda had doubts about whether or not we would enjoy ourselves. "Shame we can't dance together."
"I know," David looked down at the floor and lowered his voice. He had been down all night. Something was bothering him, but he wouldn't tell me what it was. Whatever it was, it was something that was deeply troubling to him. "I'm sorry, Ian. If I was out of the closet we wouldn't have to hide."
"It's all right," I replied putting my arm on his shoulder. Couldn't show too much emotion, or someone would catch on. "Coming out of the closet is a personal decision. You're still young and in high school. There's no hurry."
"Yeah, but I fell like I'm letting you down."
"You're not, David. I love you for who you are."
"I love you, too. I just wish I could show you how much I love you." David looked up at me and tried to smile. I smiled back at him, and sat back in my chair.
We both looked up when someone cleared their throat. "Would you like to dance with me, Ian?" Erin asked, offering her hand.
"And would you like to dance with me, David?" Jennifer asked, stepping out from behind Erin.
David and I looked at each other, and smiled. I stood up and took Erin's hand, and David took Jennifer's hand. We both danced with the girls for a couple songs. David looked to be having a decent time while he danced with Jennifer.
"So, are you having a good time?" Erin asked.
"Yeah, I'm having fun."
"That's good. Is David having a good time?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"He seems sorta down."
"Yeah, I don't know what's wrong. I guess I'll have to wait till he tell me what the problem is."
"Or you could ask," Erin said, picking a piece of lint off my sweater.
"Or I could ask." I smiled as the music slowed down. I felt a slight tap on my shoulder and when I turned around Rob was standing behind me.
"Can I cut in?" He asked, taking Erin's hand.
"Of course," I replied stepping aside for Rob. I walked back to where David and I had been sitting and sat back down. David walked up within a few seconds, and smiled at me. He still seemed a little down.
"So, what's wrong?"
"Hmmm, it's nothing."
"You're not very good at lying David. Whatever it is, it's really bothering you."
"It's just something my dad said. It's just something that I need to think about by myself. It's something I don't really wanna talk about."
"Why not?"
"It's just--," David sighed and his shoulders drooped. "It was something he said about you. About you being gay."
"Oh. I take it that his comments weren't very flattering?"
"Not particularly."
"And you're worried about what he'd think if he knew about you."
"Yeah," David replied quietly.
"I'm so sorry, David."
"You have nothing to be sorry about. It's not your homophobic father that's hurt me."
I smiled sadly at David and wrapped my arm around his shoulder. "Why don't we go outside and talk a little more?"
David just nodded and stood up slowly. I looked out to the dance floor, at Rob and Erin. "Look, I'm going to go tell Rob and Erin where we are so they don't worry. You go out to the van, I'll be right there."
David nodded again and walked towards the door. I walked across the gym towards Erin and Rob when someone grabbed me on the shoulder and spun me around.
"Hey faggot, where's your boyfriend? We'd really like to meet him," Keith said leaning into my face.
"Get the fuck out of my way, Keith." I moved to push past him, but Keith and his friends blocked my path.
"Who the fuck do you think you are you little faggot?"
I stared Keith right in the eye and took a step towards him. "It's not who I think I am, Keith. It's who I know I am. Now, you'll get out of my way, or I'll make you get out of my way."
"Go ahead and try."
I took a long hard look at Keith and then threw the first punch. It connected with Keith's jaw knocking him back a step. Keith's friends grabbed me before I could get another punch in. I saw a crowd of kids surrounding us as a chant of 'fight, fight, fight' filled the air.
"You're gonna pay for that you little fuck." Keith drew his fist back and punched me full on in the stomach. The air rushed out of my lungs as his friends held me up. Keith's fist drew back for a second punch before he was tackled from behind. Rob was totally enraged.
"You stupid fucker," Rob yelled as he slid across the gym floor on Keith. "You couldn't leave well enough alone."
"Get off of him," This girl dressed in a pair of army fatigues screamed. She started hitting Rob on the back before Erin grabbed her by the hair and pulled her off.
"You get off my boyfriend, you stupid cunt," Erin yelled.
The girl in fatigues screamed and grabbed Erin's dress. There was the sound of ripping material, and then Erin screamed. "You ripped my dress you stupid bitch!"
One of the guys standing around went to hit Rob from behind when Will stepped in and knocked him on his ass. He didn't say a word, just dropped the prick on his ass and started feeding him lefts and rights. I took two more punches to the gut before I fell to the ground. The guys that were holding me let me fall to the floor, and went to help their friends. The melee continued for about another 20 seconds before teachers and students started pulling us apart.
"Break it up," Mr. Stevens yelled as he pulled Rob off of Keith. He pulled the two groups of students apart and had just asked what was going on when I heard a yell. David leapt through a group of students and knocked Keith to the floor.
"You fucking bastard!!!"
I watched in disbelief as the fight started up again. David got a few good punches in before Mr. Stevens yanked him off a cowering Keith.
"Let me go!" David yelled, struggling in Mr. Stevens arms.
"Not until you settle down." David stopped kicking and squirming in Mr. Stevens arms, but when Mr. Stevens put him down he rushed at Keith again.
Rob grabbed David and pulled him away. "It's all right, David. You got the pussy."
"Mr. Riddel, you can take your friends up to your mom's classroom and wait there." He looked pointedly at Keith and pointed to the first aid room. "You lot can wait in the first aid room." He looked around at the group of non-moving students, and yelled, "MOVE!!!"
Jennifer helped Will off the floor while Erin helped me up. Rob put David down on the floor and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. "Let's go," He said quietly, leading the way to his mom's classroom.
I looked back over my shoulder at Keith who was glaring at me. He had tried to take me on and had failed. He had tried to hold his own against Rob and had failed. And worst of all, he had been surprised by David and had covered up instead of fighting back. He was made to look the fool in front of his classmates. I knew he'd want to even the score. I also knew that my parents were not going to be happy with me.
Continued.