The following program contains material suited for a mature audience. If you are not over 18 you should be leaving now. Of course I can't control you and neither can anyone else really. This story is entirely false except for the true parts. This is the fifteenth segment of this story and I highly recommend reading the first fourteen segments that can be found in the Nifty Archive. And now for our feature presentation. Viewer Discretion is advised...
My web site is located at http://www.geocities.com/chipdyp/index.html
Judgment Error- Chapter 15 by: Chip Dyp (chipdyp@hotmail.com)
"You. I really like you. Would you go out with me?"
The words echoed in my head. My eyes grew wide as I continued to stare at David. He really liked me. He wanted to go out with me. What was I going to do? I didn't want a boyfriend. I couldn't have a boyfriend. Not now.
David looked away from me, and stood up. "Um, I guess I should get going."
David walked towards the bedroom door.
"Wait." I stood up and got between David and the door. David looked down at me. He looked like I had just killed his puppy. "Come back to the bed and sit down."
David followed me back to the bed, and sat beside me. He looked at his hands and whispered "If you're just trying not to hurt my feelings, please don't. It's not your fault."
I sighed and slid off the bed to the floor. I sat in front of David and looked up into his red eyes. "You remember how I told you that I didn't want to tell you the whole story about why I came out?"
David nodded.
I took a deep breath and looked down into my lap. "When I moved here, I met a guy. His name was Stefan."
"So, you still have feelings for him."
"No, I don't. Let me finish."
"I'm sorry."
"It's all right." I sighed. I didn't know how to say what I wanted to say. I just opened my mouth and it came flowing out.
"Stefan raped me. He beat me. When we were working together out at the lake, he invited some guys over to gang bang me."
David looked up at me, his mouth wide open. I shook my head and smiled. "You know, up until he invited those guys over to rape me, I thought he loved me."
David was still staring at me with his mouth wide open. I started the story from the beginning, telling David every gory detail. When I finished the story I looked at him and took his hand.
"David, I think you are a really great guy, I just...I just can't have a relationship right now. I just can't handle the physical intimacy that a relationship requires."
"Physical intimacy?" David asked.
"Touching, hugging, kissing." I smiled at David. "Sex."
"But what if our relationship didn't include those things?"
"Trust me, it wouldn't work. Eventually you'd want to be able to hold me, hug me, and kiss. You'd want me to return you expressions of love, and I don't think I can do that right now."
David looked at me stoically. "I'd still like to try. Ian, we can try, can't we? You've warned me about what I should expect, and I'm ready to accept any and all conditions you'd set. I'd never pressure you into kissing or hugging or sex or anything."
"David..." I stopped and looked deep into his eyes. He really was beautiful. What if I could put Stefan behind me by dating David? Would it be using him? Did it matter if David really wanted to go out with me? Could I really love David? The only way I'd ever find out would be by dating him. "All right. We'll go out on a date. If things work out, we'll go on another date. If things don't work out, then that's it. No more dates for the time being."
David nodded and smiled. "Really?"
"Really."
"Oh, Ian. Thank you!" David exclaimed. I could tell that he wanted to hug me, but he held back. He was going to realize this whole not hugging or touching me bit was going to be harder than he expected.
I stood up and walked over to my computer. "I don't know why you're thanking me."
"I'm thanking you 'cause you said yes. I've never had a boyfriend before. Or a girlfriend for that matter."
"Now I'm flattered. So, I'm your first, huh?"
David smiled and nodded. "Yeah, you're it." He blushed and turned away. "I feel like such a dork."
"Why?"
"I don't know, I just do."
I sat down beside and took his hand. "You shouldn't. You are a really great guy. Just because you haven't had a chance to have a relationship, doesn't make you a dork."
"I guess. Um-- so what did you want to do for our first date?"
"What do you want to do? You asked me out, it's your choice."
"How about a movie?"
"Sounds like fun. Umm, do your parents know you are gay?"
"No." David's head snapped around. "You're not going to tell them are you?"
"Nope, it's not my job to out you. Don't worry." I rubbed David's back to reassure him. "I just wanted to know who all was going to know about us."
"Oh. I don't want to come out of the closet right now, Ian."
"All right. I won't tell a soul, not even Rob and Will."
David sat quietly for a second. "Do you think they would accept me, if I told them I was gay?"
"They accepted me."
"Yeah, but-- never mind."
I cocked my head. "What?"
"It's nothing."
"C'mon. Tell me."
"Look, I..." David took a deep breath and started again. "This is going to sound really bad."
"Say it anyway. I promise I won't get too mad."
"How much of their acceptance is real, and how much of it is pity over what happened at the lake?"
I looked at David, not saying a word. Part of me thought about what he had said. Would Ian and Rob be so accepting of me if I hadn't been outed and beaten? Would they have avoided me, leaving me friendless and open to further harassment? The other half was insulted. He was implying that I only had friends because they felt sorry for me. But what if he was right?
"I shouldn't have said that," David said. "It was completely out of line. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry," I replied quietly. "I just never thought of it that way.
Maybe we should keep our relationship a secret until I find out."
"How would you find out?"
"I'll ask them. If they are just doing it because they feel sorry for me, it's best to find out so you can protect yourself by staying in the closet."
"I doubt they are doing it because they feel sorry for you."
"Yeah, but it's better to know for sure."
David looked at his watch and smiled. "I guess I should get going. I have some physics homework I should finish."
"'Kay, I'll give you a lift." I walked over to my closet and grabbed my jacket.
"When did you want to work on the project again?" David asked, collecting his books.
"Ummm, I don't know. We should probably get together again this week, before Friday."
"How about Thursday? We can work on the project as late as we need to, and then go on our date on Friday."
"That sounds good. It'll give us a chance to read up on Riel, so that when we get together we can start stitching the report together."
"All right."
On the way out to the car, I poked my head into the family room and told my parent's that I was dropping off David. They just nodded and turned their attention back to Will & Grace.
After dropping David off, I came back to the house and lay back in my bed. I thought about what he had said earlier. I didn't know what to think. Louis and Lestat sauntered into the room and jumped up on the bed. Louis curled up in my lap and started purring. "Hey Louis." I started scratching him behind the ears. "So, do you think Rob and Ian are my friends because they feel sorry for me, or do you think they are actually my friends?"
Louis looked up at me with a blank expression and yawned. He let out a little guttural growl and then curled back up.
"Thanks for the help, Louis. What about you Lestat?
Lestat didn't even look up.
"You're really helpful."
"Cats don't usually answer questions, Ian," Dad said, pushing open the door."
I blushed and rubbed Louis' back. "I guess not."
"So what makes you think Rob and Ian are just friends 'cause they feel sorry for you?"
"Nothing really. I've just been wondering. Do you think they'd be my friends if I had told them I was gay instead of-- um."
"I don't know Ian. What do you think?"
"I don't know. I'd like to think that they are my friends because they like me, rather than because they pity me. I should probably go to bed though."
My dad walked over and hugged me. "Either way, I want you to remember that your mom and I love you."
"I know. I love you guys too."
"Have a good night."
"You too."
My dad walked out of the room and closed the door a little. I lifted Louis out of my lap and started getting ready for bed. After I had cleaned up, I pulled my clothes off, turned out the light, and slid under the covers. The cats jumped up onto the bed again, and curled up beside me.
David's question rattled around in my brain for a couple of hours before my eyes finally closed and I fell asleep. But, before I drifted into slumber land, I decided I would ask Will the next morning when I picked him up for school.
Getting up the next morning was tough. I managed to get through the shower and up to the breakfast table at my usual time though. I poured myself a bowl of Captain Crunch and watched the morning news. Nothing interesting was happening in Canada or the world. It was a rather quiet day.
After I finished my breakfast, I went back downstairs and brushed my teeth.
I didn't want to keep Will waiting. On the drive over to Will's house, I thought about how I was going to ask him. It was tough. Would he even answer truthfully when I asked?
Will was waiting on his steps when I drove into his driveway. As he walked to the car, I decided the best approach to my question was the direct approach.
"So how did your research go last night?" Will asked as he slid into the bucket seat. He threw his backpack over his shoulder and looked at me with a big smile.
"It went okay, I guess. We figured out our thesis and found some facts to support it."
"So what's wrong then?"
"Nothing is really wrong, I just-- well--"
"What?"
"I have a question for you. I don't know how to ask though."
"Ahhhhh. Well just ask. It can't be that bad."
"All right." I paused and looked at Will. "Would you still like me if I had told you I was gay instead of you walking in on Stefan attacking me?"
"What do you mean?"
I took a deep breath. I didn't know how to continue. I looked down at the steering wheel. "Are you friends with me because you feel pity or guilt over what happened at the cabin?"
"No! Ian, I like you for you. You're a really nice guy. Your sexuality is part of who you are, but it's not the only part." Will lifted my chin and wiped away a tear. "If you had told me you were gay, it wouldn't have made a difference. I'd still like you, and I'd still consider you a friend."
"Thanks. I feel like such a dork for asking." I took off my sunglasses and rubbed my eyes. I even tried to smile.
"Why did you ask? Has this been bothering you for a long time?"
"I just needed to know for sure. Don't worry. It hasn't been bothering me for a long time."
"Well, what made you think that our friendship may be based on what happened at the cabin?"
I winced. I had painted myself into a corner. "Can I tell you later?"
"All right." Will smiled. He tapped his watch. "But we better get going or we're going to be late."
"You're right." I popped my sunglasses back onto my face and backed out of the driveway.
"You know, when you find a boyfriend, we'll accept him too," Will said casually as he looked out the side window. "You won't have to hide him from Rob and I."
"Thanks."
"So when are you and David going out?"
I faked a laugh and glanced over at Will. "We're not."
"Whatever. Tell David he can tell us he's gay anytime, Rob and I won't have a problem with it."
"What makes you think that David is gay?" I asked quietly. I didn't look over this time. I was afraid that my expression would confirm Will's suspicions.
"The way he looks at you. He smiles at you, and stares occasionally. He probably doesn't have any idea that Rob and I know. But we do."
"Well, why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't want you to scare him off. He's a really nice guy, and I think you two would make a cute couple. So when is your first date?"
"Friday. We're going to see a movie."
"Ahhhhh, you lucky dog!!!"
I pulled into the parking lot and grabbed the closest available spot. "Look. You cannot breath a word of this to anyone. He doesn't want to come out of the closet."
"I won't tell anyone. You can trust me, Ian."
"Thanks. You're a really great guy. Laura's a lucky girl."
"I know. Let's go."
I followed Will into the school and up to the classroom. As I sat the teacher started talking about cellular meiosis, I thought about Will and Rob and why they liked me. I realized really quickly that they wouldn't have a problem with David being gay. Hell, Will was sure he was, even before David told me. So much for the vaunted gaydar! I smiled and looked across the classroom at Will. He looked at me and smiled. 'Boring' he mouthed. I nodded and kept taking notes.
When my first three classes were finally over, I headed down to the cafeteria for lunch. I wanted to pull David aside and tell him the good news. David waved at me as I walked into the cafeteria. I asked Will to grab me a burger and onion rings and walked over to David.
"Hey," David said, smiling up at me.
"Hay is for horses," I replied with a giggle.
"So, how was French?"
"Sucked as usual. Look, I wanted to talk to you before Rob and Will sit down."
"Oh, about what?"
"About what we talked about last night. You might as well tell them. I know they'll be really good about it."
"How do you know?"
"I asked Will this morning." I leaned close and whispered, "He thinks you're gay, by the way."
"WHAT!!!" David exclaimed a little too loudly.
I smiled and looked around. No one was really paying attention to us. I leaned in close again and whispered once again, "He thinks you're gay."
"Why?" David whispered anxiously.
"He says you look at me and blush. He can see the lust in your eyes."
"I thought I was being discreet," David replied quietly.
"You were. My gaydar didn't pick you up," I replied, trying to reassure my worried friend. "But you might as well tell Rob and Will. There's no sense in hiding any relationship we may have from them if they already know that you're gay."
"I guess," David whispered before sitting up. "Hi Rob. Will."
"Hey David." Will said. "Here's your burger and rings, Ian."
"Thanks." I took the food from Ian and opened up the foil wrapper. "Did you finish your Algebra homework?
"Yeah, I did it last night." Will took a seat and bit into a fry. "So what are you guys doing on Friday?"
"Ian and I are going on a date," David replied calmly but quietly. He took a bite of his sandwich and looked across that table at me. I smiled at him and winked.
"It's about time," Rob said, biting into his pizza.
"No doubt." Will said. He leaned close to David and added conspiratorially, "Glad to see you're poking your nose out of the closet."
"Thanks."
"So what are you guys doing?" Rob asked.
"Going to a movie," I said.
"What's playing?" Will asked.
"Does it really matter?" David said.
"Ah, plan on sitting in the back row and necking, huh?" Will said with a laugh.
"You want to keep your voice down, Will?" I admonished.
"Yeah, sorry."
"So, how's the history project going?" Rob asked, finishing off his first slice of pizza.
And with that, the moment was over. David relaxed noticeably, sitting back in his chair and joking with Will and Rob like he always did. There were times during lunch where the two of us would look across the table at each other. We'd both blush a little and smile. It was weird. I didn't remember love being like this.
When our classes ended for the day, Will and I went out to the car and headed for home. David waved as he slid into his old Honda Accord.
"Why doesn't David catch a ride with us more often?" Will asked as I slid into my seat.
"He's usually gotta pick up stuff and run errands for his parents. I think he had to buy groceries or something today. His parents trust him and rely on him to do a lot of stuff."
"I guess so."
Thursday went by slowly. After classes ended, David came over to my house and we started working on the project again. We did a lot of the research and sketched out the first part of the report. It was getting late when I closed my book with a thump and lay back on the floor.
"Tired?" David asked. He closed his book and leaned back.
"A little. My eyes are just bugging out. I can't read anything more." I groaned and stretched out.
"Neither can I. I think that I'm pretty much done for the night."
"So, are you ready for the big date?"
"Yeah, well, sorta."
"Sorta?"
"I've gotta few things to do tomorrow."
"So what movie are we going to see?" I asked.
"Blair Witch Project. It's supposed to be really good."
"Yeah, I heard that too. Should be fun."
"I'd go see any movie if it meant I could go with you."
I laughed and smiled at David. "You hardly know me. You sound like you're madly in love with me."
David blushed and looked away. "I am," He whispered. "You're smart and funny, and witty, and..." David paused and sighed, "Beautiful."
"You're making me blush."
David sat up and looked at me. "Why is this making you blush? It's the truth."
"Thanks. But we should get you home so that your parents don't ground you before tomorrow."
"I guess so." David packed up his backs and grabbed his coat. Neither of us said anything as we walked upstairs. I slipped on a pair of old runners and led the way out to the car.
"Oh, uh. Is there anything I should know before the date tomorrow?" I asked as I dropped into the car.
"Um, I'll pick you up tomorrow at seven and then we'll go to Boston Pizza for supper and then we'll go to the movie. If that's all right with you." David looked at me questioningly.
"Sounds great," I replied with a smile. "I can hardly wait."
"Cool." David smiled and looked out the side window.
I smiled inwardly, and navigated my way through the neighbourhood. Making David happy, reassuring him that his plans sounded great made me happy. I was really looking forward to going on this date.
I drove into David's driveway and smiled at him. "I'll see you tomorrow, David."
"You bet. Have a good night."
I watched as David walked up to his door, and unlocked the door. When he walked into the house, I backed out of the driveway and drove myself home. Tomorrow was going to be an interesting day.
Continued.