A Day in June, Chapter 4
On this particular Sunday, Jade agreed to go to church with Devon since it was an informal service being held in the park. Church in general wasn't high on Jade's list after his experiences with fundamentalists. The idea of entering a "house of worship" literally made his stomach queasy. However, being in the outdoors wouldn't be confining and he'd feel like he could leave without creating a lot of attention if he couldn't take it. The only thing Devon had to promise was that they wouldn't take part in the potluck that followed the service. It was embarrassing enough not to be able to feed himself. It would be a lot worse demonstrating it in front of a bunch of strangers.
Jade wondered if he'd be subjected to a sermon that was designed to make him feel guilty about what he'd done with Devon the day before. The discussion about masturbation that Devon had found for him on the Internet had made a great deal of difference in his outlook, but he still had a twinge of unease about having given into his passion and taking Devon along with him. After all, he had initiated their sex-play.
The service wasn't anything like he'd expected. It wasn't a contemporary one with a rock band nor was it one that had a portable organ accompanying difficult-to-sing formal hymns. The music was provided by a small bluegrass group and consisted of several folksy old hymns that Jade had learned in his childhood from his grandmother. It took him back to a simpler, sweeter time before he'd ever been molested.
More comforting was the sermon. Jade hadn't anticipated that the minister would specifically say that God included all people in his love regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation. He'd heard that some churches tolerated gays, but he was surprised at finding it openly stated in a service. He was beginning to feel that perhaps God hadn't turned His face from him. Maybe Devon literally was an angel in human form sent to show him God's love. Maybe God wouldn't judge them for what they had done in bed.
The church practiced "open communion" in which all believers were invited to participate regardless of affiliation. When it was time to partake, Jade surprised Devon by saying he'd like to do it if Devon would dip the bread in the cup and feed him as unobtrusively as possible. Both men felt moved by participating in the sacrament and had tears in their eyes as they made their way back to the folding chairs that served as seating.
When the service was over, the minister came up to them to let them know they were welcome to eat despite not having brought anything to share. Jade thanked the man, but explained his embarrassment at having to be fed.
The minister said he understood how Jade felt, but assured him that no one would gawk at him because of his current disability. He reiterated that Jade would always be welcome, whatever his physical condition.
"You think God really doesn't hate me?" Jade asked as they were finishing eating lunch at home.
"I'm positive!"
"But what about all the stuff in the bible about men lying with men?"
"Everything in the bible has to be considered within the context of the times. It's a document which reflects what ancient people did in an attempt to connect with God. Many passages have been mistranslated and don't say what they were originally meant to. I have some books which explain all of that."
"But, lots of well-meaning people buy it."
"True, but why don't they do the same with the parts of the Jewish law concerning shellfish, and clothing made of more than one kind of fiber? Those were abominations' too. Besides where the older English translations, like King James, use that word, it should read are not our tradition' meaning that they were trying to separate their culture from their captors in Babylon."
"How do you know all of this?"
"I did a bit of research right after my divorce when I considered having sex with other men."
"Did you have a fun fling?"
"Nope. I didn't like the idea of sex for the sake of sex. I knew I was looking for love and I'm glad I waited to find it."
"And then you had to fall in love with a guy who's all messed up in his head. I don't know how long it will take for me to let you make love to me." Jade shook his head sadly.
"Making love doesn't require letting me stick my dick up your butt. If that never happens, I'll still love you. In fact, we have consummated our relationship already as far as I'm concerned."
As the men stood, Jade pulled Devon into a clumsy embrace and kissed him deeply. Devon returned his kiss and then set about putting the leftovers in the fridge.
Leaving the dirty dishes on the table, the two men went into Devon's bedroom to express their love again.
"If God doesn't hate me, I wonder why my grandmother does," Jade said at breakfast in the middle of the week."
"Why do you think she hates you?"
"Well, she hasn't contacted me and..."
"Maybe she doesn't know that you were hurt."
"It was her number that was my emergency contact and you said the patrolman called it."
"Yeah, but it was a man who answered the phone. I distinctly remember hearing a man's voice say, `Young Bear here, what do you want?' or something of that nature."
"Then she probably doesn't know!"
"I think you should call her right away."
They didn't go to Devon's church the following Sunday because they used the weekend to go to Jade's grandmother's house. The Sac and Fox reservation was far enough away that making the roundtrip in one day would give them only two or three hours with her. She had expressed a strong desire to have a long visit with her grandson.
As it turned out, she had known nothing of Jade's misfortune because her son hadn't told her about the call from the deputy. He had been at her house at the time and had evidently answered her cell phone while she was in the bathroom. She had only learned about the incident when Jade had called.
Jade was also excited about seeing her, but he had some qualms because the thought of returning to the place where his father had used him gave him chills.
Devon promised to be with him every second they were there. Though he wasn't a psychiatrist, he had read enough in his college texts about victims of child sex abuse to feel that Jade might benefit from facing his old demons and exorcising them in some way or other. Jade's counselor from the university clinic had agreed.
Devon hoped he'd done the right thing by encouraging Jade to see his grandmother, and that it wouldn't cause him emotional distress that would be detrimental in the long run. He didn't think it would, or he wouldn't be taking him there, but whatever happened, he was determined to be there for him.
It was after 1:00 when they pulled up to the well-kept little house on the reservation. Dyani Young Bear opened the front door as soon as she saw the car in her drive.
"Welcome Devon Cook and Jade Young Bear. You honor my humble abode by your presence."
"Thank you Mrs. Young Bear," Devon inclined his head toward her. "We are honored to be your guests."
"Please call me, Dyani."
"That is a beautiful name; does it have a special meaning?" Devon asked.
"It means deer, as in Bambi, not sweetheart," she smiled.
"Jade, it has been too long since I have seen my beloved grandson."
"I'm glad to see you, Grandma, but my name isn't Young Bear, as you well know."
"It can be if you want to take it."
"I will never take the name of that bastard! I'm sorry, I know he's your son, but he is evil and I want nothing to do with him!"
"Let's go inside where we'll be more comfortable and where the neighbors can't overhear our conversation," Dyani advised.
"I will if you can guarantee me that he won't be here," Jade said adamantly.
"Robert hasn't been here in a month and I don't expect to see him for a long time. He seemed to be in a hurry to leave when he went. If he should return unexpectedly, I will protect you."
"Forgive me, Grandmother, but he is bigger and stronger than you."
"I have an equalizer," she smiled, as she took out a small automatic weapon from her apron pocket. "Trust me; it's a Ruger 380 and I know how to use it!"
When they were comfortably seated inside Dyani's small living room, Jade began to tell her that he was healing well from his injuries. Then she asked him how he had happened to fracture both of his hands and wrists, so he had to tell her the rest of the story.
He explained how he'd been jumped in broad daylight by three men as he was cutting through an alley after eating lunch in a local bar and grill. He told how they had tied him up and put him in the back of their pickup with a tarp over him so he couldn't see where they were taking him.
He kept the part about being raped as general as he could, and tried not to get emotional, but it was difficult. Devon reached over to caress his finger tips as he fought to remain stoic.
He said they had stomped on his hands because he fought them and wouldn't cooperate. Eventually, he had passed out from the pain.
He went on to tell her how Devon had rescued him and taken him home to recuperate. Relating that part of the story brought him tranquility again, as well as a smile through his tears.
"It is good that you have Devon in your life. I perceive that both of you lads are of two spirits."
Jade knew immediately what she meant, but it took Devon a few minutes to catch on.
"Grandma, why are you suddenly talking like one of our ancestors? You used to be comfortable in the 21st Century. Now you seem to have reverted back to the 19th."
"In my older years I have discovered that there are ancient truths which we often tend to reject when we are young and trying to fit in with the white man's culture. I haven't fundamentally changed. I still enjoy jazz music, but I am moved more by our traditional songs and dances. I love, and use, modern technology, but I also need to commune with nature. I go to church and believe in God as I have since my childhood, but I have come to feel that he is one, and the same, with the Great Spirit whom our ancestors worshipped, and that brings me back to what I was talking about before you tried to sidetrack me."
"Are you disappointed that I'm gay?" Jade asked in a near whisper.
"No. I'm pleased that you have found someone to be with who is the same as you are. I can see that Devon cares for you very much."
"I do," Devon declared. "I would like to spend the rest of my life with your grandson."
"Then you should! You boys are blessed in the sight of the Great Spirit, more than ordinary people. You are special!"
"Why then would my father reject me for being gay, especially after he used me like a woman?"
"What? He did that to you!?" Dyani almost screamed. "He shall never set foot in my house again! I will ask the tribal leaders to banish him forever and he will lose his share of the casino revenues which is what keeps him in liquor since it's beneath him to work."
"Do you all get support from our tribe?"
"Of course, don't you get a monthly check?" Dyani frowned.
"I've never received a dime," Jade responded.
"Now I see! That's why Robert pushed you away when you were about to turn 18. A father collects the money for his minor children, but they should receive it directly once they are of age unless they're mentally deficient. I will talk to the elders and get that remedied immediately. We'll probably never be able to recover what he's stolen from you, but we should try. At least he should serve jail time for cheating you."
"Wow! Is it a lot of money?"
"Not really, but an extra $2,000 a month comes in handy."
"I could live on that!" Jade exclaimed. "That's about as much as I've made doing janitorial work at night, and of course I can't even do that now."
"If we could get you what he embezzled, I dare say it would amount to around $75,000. I doubt he has anything worth a fraction of that, unless you could collect the bottle deposits on all the booze he's consumed." Dyani said bitterly.
"It will be wonderful for Jade if he can at least get something each month. He has another year left in college, and that would help greatly with his tuition."
"I could start paying you rent too."
"Nope, family doesn't charge family."
"Oh, look at the time!" Dyani exclaimed.
"Do you need to go somewhere? We can get out of your hair," Devon offered.
"No, there is a healing service at 4:00 in the assembly hall. The men like to call it `the lodge' but it's not really a traditional one. The service, however, has elements of the past mixed into it. I talked to our shaman about performing healing rites for you as soon as I knew you were coming this weekend. You don't have to go if you feel it's all just superstition."
"I think we should go," Devon said, as Jade turned to get his opinion. "I wouldn't discount anything that might help."
"Okay," Jade agreed.
"Good."
The healing ceremony wasn't at all like Devon had assumed it would be. He expected that men clad in buckskin breaches or loincloths would build a sweat lodge and offer them some kind of drink which might be mildly hallucinogenic, but such was not the case. There was a warm beverage, but Devon was sure it was Lipton's tea.
The room was dimly lit by candles and there was incense burning. Some of the elders sang in a language, that neither Devon no Jade could understand, accompanied by a small drum. When they had finished, a man with leathery skin, who looked to be as old as Methuselah, anointed Jade's forehead with some kind of scented oil while chanting softly. Everyone bowed his head as the man prayed for Jade to be healed in body, mind, and spirit.
Over the next few minutes, the candles were extinguished one by one as everyone sat in silence. When the last flame was put out, the participants began to leave quietly. Eventually, the only ones remaining were the shaman, Devon, and Jade.
"Go in peace my children. The Great Creator and Healer has heard our pleas."
Dyani was waiting for them as they left the lodge. They accompanied her home where she served a light dinner. After they'd finished, she suggested they retire early and get a good night's sleep. The men drove to the nearby motel where they had made a reservation.
Devon undressed Jade and helped him into bed the minute they got to their motel room. Jade was drifting to sleep by the time Devon joined him. Both of them experienced a very restful night.
They were up fairly early on Sunday morning to have breakfast in the restaurant next door.
"I feel incredible today," Jade announced. "It's like the sun is brighter and the air is fresher. It's like a burden has been lifted from me."
"I know what you mean. The experience here has been good."
"I feel whole somehow. I'm probably crazy, but it's a good kind of crazy!"
"As your Grandmother said, sometimes simple ways hold a power that we often overlook."
Devon and Jade arrived at Dyani's house in time to take her to church. With Devon's help, Jade got into the back seat before his grandmother had the chance to protest that he should sit up front.
The little country church was not affiliated with a major denomination and seemed to be open to everyone. The congregation was a mixture of Anglos and Meskwakis. Devon felt self-conscious when Jade and he were publicly welcomed at the beginning of the service after Dyani was asked to introduce her guests.
When the service was over, the young men took Dyani to lunch at a small café in town. Again, they were the center of attention. It seemed that Jade's grandmother was well known and well liked by everyone in the area.
In the early afternoon, the guys bade her adieu to get on the road for home. Before they left, she again promised to discuss Jade's financial situation with the elders as soon as possible.
Author's notes: As always, I appreciate the diligent work of my two editors. Too often, people behind the scenes don't receive the credit due them.
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This week I heard from the following: Michael B, Mendy D, Tony W, Tim., Wayne, Jim W, Bill K, Walt S, Joe W, Dan H, Trish R, Ott H, Paul F, Tom A, Dale M, and Jim B. There are new names here! You regulars know how much I appreciate hearing from you.
I just received exciting news. My tale, "Wyatt's Thanksgiving" will be aired on Wednesday as a fully cast audio short story. It runs about 22 minutes as I recall. Mark Bruzee asked my permission to use it about a month ago, and he and I have made a few minor changes to put it into the PG category for rating. This site is attempting to present LGBT kids in everyday situation. Its mission is to help teens and young adult realize that they are not the only ones who are growing up with a different orientation.
I hope my US readers have a good Thanksgiving, and I hope everyone has a good weekend.
I'm sending this week's chapter early in hopes it will be up by the weekend.
David
http://leapaudio.org/holiday-at-home/