Disclaimer:
This story is intended for adult audiences. If you are not an adult 18+, 21 in some areas, please do not go on.
I have been writing for some years, but this is the first time that I have shared my writing with the public. If you e-mailed me before and I never got back with you or it bounced back, try again! I was being spammed big-time this week. Any encouragement would be well appreciated and replied to at virtualinsanity78@yahoo.com
Thanks to everyone who has encouraged me, especially ChadO!! It makes me write faster!
Chapter Four
"I don't like him," Lakiesha said emphatically, the soles of her bare feet pressed against Christian's bedroom wall. She was splayed across the floor in a haphazard way and peering at Christian, who was sitting on the edge of his bed, upside down.
"Who, Reggie?" Christian asked and Lakiesha almost choked. She turned swiftly and deftly over onto her stomach and stared wide-eyed at a grinning Christian.
"Are you out of your mind?" she asked incredulously. "Of course, I like Reggie. Did I tell you he had flowers delivered to me at school? Did I tell you what a good kisser he is? Did I tell you how big his -"
"About a million times, thank you," Christian said, smiling. He was happy for her. She needed someone who was actually going to treat her the way she deserved to be treated. For that matter, so did he. His heart thumped a little at the thought.
"Damn, Chris, why didn't you tell me that your cousin was so fine?" Lakiesha mused, turning back onto her stomach and staring dreamily at the ceiling. "He is so fucking fine."
"Please, spare me the details," Christian grinned at her, inwardly laughing at the expression on her face. "We were talking about Wade."
She rolled her eyes and looked away from Christian.
"I know you think he shits gold or something, but I don't like him," Lakiesha said.
"Why not, he's never done anything to you," Christian asked a little irritated by her immediate dislike of Wade. He wanted her to like him. For some reason, it mattered.
"He's a coward," she said with distaste. "I know what he did to you and that's enough for me."
"You don't understand everything about him," Christian told her. "He's had it hard."
"Yeah, right, with Tiffany Taylor on his jock and being the quarterback and senior class president, I think he's got it pretty hard," she said sarcastically. "Let's see. His parents are loaded. He drives a convertible. He's gorgeous. Real hard, Christian."
Christian leaned back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.
"He's gay, Kiesh, he's had it pretty hard," Christian informed her. "He's just doing what's expected of him."
Lakiesha stood up and walked over to the bed. She curled up next to Christian and grabbed his hand. Her long, brown fingers played with his hand for a moment, then moved up his wrist to play with a thin scar there. She ran her fingers back and forth along its length.
"What's expected of him?" she said quietly, softly. "I was there, Chris, when you found out about Tiffany, don't forget that I know everything." Christian's eyes became tiny streams, he averted them, avoiding Lakiesha's brown stare. She lifted her hand from his arm to his face and turned him back to face her.
"I'm not gonna do anything with him, I swear," Christian told her, earnest. "We're going to be friends again. He means everything to me. I just want him back in my life, not looking through me. I'm weak. Is that a crime?"
"No, it's not a crime, Chris," she told him. "What is a crime is when this becomes life and death to you. No one should mean that much to you. There's got to be men out there who can love us for who we are and accept everything that comes with that. If there aren't any, then hand me a fucking dildo and I'll do it myself. Isn't that what you told me about Mannie?"
"Do as I say not as I do," Christian said with a watery laugh. Lakiesha smiled.
"No way, Jose," she said. "I love you too much to lie to you. If Wade Harrison wants more than friendship, you need to run the other way. He's not what you're looking for. I don't care how you feel about him."
Wade parked his car on the curb in front of Christian's house and killed the ignition. His hands were shaking. Somehow, he had worked up the nerve to call Christian on Friday night and convince him that they really should study and on Saturday, he had forced himself into his best pair of jeans and his favorite gray sweater, the one that Tiffany loved for him to wear. When she had called and asked if he was up for a movie, he told her that he was tired from last night's game. He hoped to God that she didn't decide to be the loving girlfriend and stop by his house. He stared at the white two-story home where he and Christian had played so many times with his insides doing a nervous jig.
What the hell are you doing, Wade, he asked himself? This was the situation that he had been avoiding for over four years. Now, he was about to walk right into it. Could he do this? What exactly was he trying to do? Leading a double life. He peered into his reflection in his rearview mirror and took a deep breath. Just one Wade. He was going in there to see Christian. He was going in there to talk to Christian. They would study. He might get the chance to steal a few looks and then he'd go home. End of story.
He grabbed his backpack and got out of the car. The trek across Christian's lawn was endless. He rang the doorbell then chewed on his thumbnail nervously. A few seconds later, Christian had flung the door open. Wade's heart skidded in his chest. Christian's blue eyes shone brightly at him, amplified by a blue t-shirt that Wade would swear matched the exact hue of his irises.
"Nice shirt," Wade said, his voice was hoarse. Christian rolled his eyes, opened the door wide and headed for the den. He was still angry. Wade pushed the door closed behind him and followed Christian, his eyes glued to Christian's backside. His stomach muscles clenched as his eyes roamed freely. The wide shoulders, the slim waist, the round, even glutes. Wade had never been free to look. His eyes went wild, searching, memorizing. Christian's jeans were baggy and Wade longed to discover the boy beneath.
Christian turned suddenly and caught him staring. Wade blinked rapidly, looked down.
"Do you want something to drink?" Christian tried his hand at hospitality, his heart pounding visibly beneath the t-shirt. Wade watched him for a moment. He wanted to walk over to him and place his hand over Christian's heart. He wanted to rest his chin on the curve of Christian's neck. More than anything, he wanted Christian's lips. He wanted to feel how soft they would be. He wanted to run his tongue over the length of the full bottom lip. He wanted to delve inside of Christian's mouth and taste him. His spine began to tingle.
"Yeah, whatever you have," Wade managed in a gravelly voice. Christian walked around him giving him wide berth. Wade turned in a semi-circle, watching Christian as he walked.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Wade whispered to himself when he was alone. He tossed his backpack on the floor near the couch and ran his hands through his hair nervously. He had to get control of himself. He would make a total ass of himself in no time, the same way he had when they were 12. He winced at the thought. The biggest mistake of his life. Punching Christian in the stomach when he had been the one to initiate the kiss in the first place. He had just felt so much panic, completely overwhelmed.
Deep inside he had known that it was okay to kiss Christian. He had just been fighting it for so long. The days after had been terrible. Wade was sure that his father would know just by looking at him that he had kissed another boy. He spent half of the days sick with fright and the other half flung across his bed with his fingers pressed to his lips, remembering. He avoided Christian. Weeks later, Christian never even looked his way. Wade had lost himself, drowned his sorrows in football, spent every free moment with Jon. At least, Jon could make him laugh.
Then Tiffany had come along and he'd hidden himself within her. When he closed his eyes, he pretended that she was hard where she was soft, flat where she was round, narrow where she curved.
It never helped.
Christian returned with a couple of cans of soda and tossed one to Wade. Wade caught it and stood, staring at Christian. Christian shook his head.
"God, you're a freak," Christian complained. "Stop looking like I'm going to jump your bones any minute. Sit down." Christian sat down on one end of the couch, his books spread out on the coffee table. Wade followed suit after a minute. Christian popped his soda open, took a huge gulp, picked up his Calculus book and then began to flip through it. Wade watched the column of his throat as he swallowed, it was smooth and tan.
"Okay, so where are you guys in your Calc book?" Christian asked, looking at Wade. He was playing it so cool. Wade blinked at him a few times, then turned and fumbled in his backpack for his textbook. He flipped through the pages mindlessly for a few moments, his head whirling. Christian watched Wade's face as he peered blindly at the book, shaking his head.
"We're on the first chapter," Wade told him.
"Introduction to calculus," Christian said in a booming voice and Wade managed a grin. "Wade, if you don't loosen up we might as well quit while we're ahead cuz you're not going to understand any of this."
Wade stared at his lips, a silent thrill going through him. What the hell?
"Say it again," Wade said quietly, intensely.
"What?" Christian asked, getting nervous.
"My name," Wade said, gaining confidence. "Say it again."
"Shit," Christian said, feeling a tiny thrill run through him, and hopped to his feet. His books slid off of his lap and onto the carpeted floor. He started pacing. "You need help with calculus. I'm going to help you. That's it. Period. Don't pull any shit, Wade."
"I know what I'm doing," Wade said, but Christian wasn't having it.
"You don't know what the fuck you're doing," Christian told him. "You messed it up last time."
"I know what I did last time, Chris, I wasn't ready," Wade said.
"So what are you saying, you're ready now?" Christian asked incredulously. "You've got way more to lose. You think Tiffany's going to be all over you when she finds out you're a fag?"
"Shut up," Wade said, his jaw clenching tightly. He clenched and unclenched his fists, anger, frustration and desire washing over him in huge waves. His face paled visibly.
"You can't even fucking admit that you're queer and you expect me to listen to you," Christian said with a humorless laugh. "I can't believe I even let you in here." Christian turned away from Wade and headed towards the door.
"I want to be with you, Chris," Wade said quietly and Christian stopped in his tracks. "Isn't that admitting that I'm queer? I can't stop thinking about you."
"Yeah. Right," Christian raged, turning back to face Wade. "Since when? Since you punched me in the stomach and treated me like a piece of shit for four years? You acted like I was dead."
"I was stupid, okay," Wade said, standing. "I was scared...and stupid and I fucked up. Okay?"
"You fucking kissed me, man, it wasn't the other way around," Christian yelled, on the verge of tears.
"I know," Wade said, then louder when Christian seemed unrelenting. "Damn, I know."
The telephone rang. Christian's shoulder slumped and he stared at Wade for a long moment. Christian walked into the kitchen to answer the phone. Wade stood there for a moment, limp and deflated. He couldn't even question himself anymore. He knew what he wanted. He had admitted it to himself and to Christian, finally. What he wanted more than he anything else was another chance with Christian. At that moment, he didn't care who found out about it. No consequence was worth more than the chance to feel the way Christian made him feel. He had to convince Christian that he was serious.
He walked to the kitchen and leaned against the doorjamb. Christian was sitting on the counter, the phone pressed to his ear. His blue eyes pierced Wade.
"Everything's cool, mom," Christian said into the phone. Wade walked towards him.
"Yeah, I'm gonna put it in the oven," he continued, his voice slightly wobbly. "Wade might not stay for dinner. He's busy." The look he gave Wade was designed to stop him in his tracks. Wade only paused for a few moments.
" I know," Christian said, trying to keep the strain out of his voice. "I'll tell him. Midnight, yeah, mom, I know, seriously. Go and save lives, I haven't burnt the place down in seventeen years, have I?" Wade was standing in front of him, an inch away.
"You're extremely funny, mom," Christian's voice was barely a whisper. "I love you, too."
Christian held the phone in his hand, uncertain and not wanting to hang up. Wade waited for a few moments, then took the phone from Christian and placed it on its receiver. He moved between Christian's legs, placed his hands on Christian's shoulders. They were trembling.
"Please, Wade, don't," Christian whimpered. Wade's hands moved up his neck, along the sides of his face in the gentlest caress. Christian tingled everywhere that Wade touched. He moved his hands to cover Wade's in an attempt to stop him.
"Let me, Chris," Wade said, his voice gravelly with want, melting Christian's will to protest. His thumb blazed a tantilizing trail along the length of Christian's lower lip, then slid ever so intently into Christian's mouth, brushing his tongue. The look Christian gave him was blue fire. Wade's knees began to quake. He placed his mouth over Christian's, his tongue delving right inside, his heart nearly bursting at his first taste.
"Oh God," he whispered, quivering and pressing Christian back against the cabinets as he invaded his mouth. When Christian's own tongue began a tentative invasion, playing gently with Wade's, Wade knew that his legs weren't going to hold him up. He picked Christian up and walked to the kitchen table, planting himself onto a chair with Christian straddling him.
Christian held himself back, moving away from the kiss that Wade tried to renew. He hid his face in Wade's shoulder, turned his face away from Wade's.
"I can't do this," Christian said, but Wade's arms tightened around him. "Wade, I can't let me go."
Kind of a cliff hanger, yeah? It was this or nothing for another day. Angry or happy?
E-mail me virtualinsanity78@yahoo.com