Josh Aterovis is the author of Bleeding Hearts (ISBN: 1930928688) and the upcoming Reap the Whirlwind (Coming in 2003), published by Renaissance Alliance Publishing Inc. (http://www.rapbooks.biz) The Truth of Yesterday is the fourth book in the Killian Kendall series.
Visit Black Sheep Productions for more information. Official Site of the Killian Kendall Mystery Series http://www.steliko.com/bleedinghearts
The Truth of Yesterday
Chapter 17
It had been a few months since I'd walked up the narrow steps to the cupola on the roof of the bed and breakfast. The house was old by American standards, pre-civil war in fact. It had been built by a wealthy sea captain who married late in life. Its style was hard to categorize since the architect seemed to have blended several together to form a rather unique result. It was three stories, with a flat roof, lots of intricate trim, and a wrap around porch. Perched in the middle of the roof was a small room that the Captain had built so that his young bride, Amalie Marnien, could watch for his return. The young woman was left alone in the house for months at a time while he was out to sea. Now she was apparently haunting this same house.
Our resident ghost might have gone unnamed had I not found a portrait of her stored in one of the rooms when Steve bought the house. I'd let Judy talk me into talking to Amalie once before, during the renovations. That time she had led us to the basement. Judy and I had both had strange dreams while sleeping in the house. They had involved a baby that we thought was Amalie's and her burying the baby in the basement. The dirt floor of the basement had been excavated and sure enough, a tiny skeleton had been found with a silver brooch that Amalie had worn in her portrait. We had moved the baby out to the small private cemetery on the ground, buried it next to its mother, but for whatever reason, Amalie had not been laid to rest.
I climbed the stairs feeling the same sense of loss and despair that I had felt every other time. We believed that the baby may have died when Amalie fell down these very stairs. I followed Judy up the stairs, trying not to think about the way every hair on my body was standing on edge. When I reached the top step, a small scuffing sound came from behind me. I spun around but didn't see anything, or anyone.
"Killian?" Judy asked from behind me.
I started to turn towards her, but just then, a strange feeling washed over me, a feeling more defined than the vague sense of horror I had felt before on the staircase. My vision flickered and the already ill-lit room seemed to dim even more. The stairs darkened until you could no longer see the bottom step. The steps directly in front of me were lit by a flickering light reminiscent of candle light. My feet were rooted in place, yet at the same time, I felt a terrible, almost overpowering, fear. I wanted to run away, I wanted to throw myself headlong down the stairs, but I couldn't. I felt as if I had been frozen in time. I somehow knew without being told, that I was Amalie, and just as assuredly, I knew I clutched a small baby to my chest. There was someone or something behind me, someone I was afraid of, someone I was trying to escape. Suddenly, I was shoved violently from behind. For a few seconds, I felt as if I was suspended in mid-air, but then I was falling, falling into the inky blackness of the stairwell.
"Should I call an ambulance?" I heard someone ask in a tense, strained voice. It sounded like Adam.
"I don't know. Wait, I think he's coming to," another voice, this one Judy, answered.
I opened my eyes to find myself in the hall floor at the bottom of the stairs. Steve, Judy, Adam, and that strange ghost-hunting couple were standing around me in a football huddle. Everyone looked a little fuzzy.
"Killian, are you ok?" Adam asked anxiously.
"I was pushed," I said.
"What?" Steve, Judy, and Adam demanded in chorus. Steve and Adam turned disbelieving looks on Judy. Judy looked stunned and a little afraid. I'd never seen that expression on her face before, and I found it more than a little disconcerting.
"There was no one up there except me and Killian," she said quickly.
"The ghost pushed him?" Carla of the ghost-hunters asked in a slightly excited voice.
"No," I said as things began to come into focus and my thoughts cleared along with my vision. "Amalie was pushed. Not me. I think I fell."
Everyone looked down at me as if I had lost my mind. Maybe I had, but the excitement of the scenario that was forming in my head overcame any thoughts of insanity. I struggled to sit up but Steve quickly pushed me back down.
"Lay still, Killian. You might have a concussion."
"I'm fine," I insisted. I pushed him aside and sat up. My head spun for a moment, but quickly settled into its proper place. "Don't you see? Amalie didn't fall with the baby, she was pushed."
"Baby?" The couple asked in union. Adam and Steve seemed to remember they were there and turned twin glares in their direction. They took the hint and quickly excused themselves, leaving us alone.
"Are you sure she was pushed?" Judy asked as soon as they were gone.
"Yes. It was like..." I broke off and glanced at Steve and Adam, who were both looking confused. "It was like what happened with Paul in DC," I finished and I saw realization light up Judy's eyes.
"You experienced it yourself?" she asked. I was surprised by the intensity in her voice.
I threw a meaningful glance in the direction of Adam and Steve but it was too late.
"What do you mean?" Adam demanded.
"Like an out of body experience?" Steve asked, excitement coloring his words.
I paused and then sighed. "It seems as if one of my other so-called Gifts is experiencing the...emotions and well, experiences of another person as if it were actually happening to me."
"I don't understand," Adam said.
"It has to be in the past," Judy began explaining. "From what I can tell, Killian's strongest Gifts all pertain to the past. Somehow, he can feel and experience things that have happened to other people in the past. I would say the things he experiences will almost always be connected to either death or some sort of very strong emotion. They would leave the strongest imprints for him to pick up on."
"So you're saying he felt Amalie being pushed down the stairs with her baby?"
"No, I felt like I was Amalie being pushed down the stairs. I knew I was Amalie. I can't tell you how I knew, but I knew. And I knew I was holding the baby, even though I couldn't see it. It was like I was actually there, inside her body or something. I couldn't move, I was frozen, but I knew there was someone else in the cupola with me; someone I was afraid of. And then it felt like someone shoved me from behind and I was falling. The next thing I knew I was down here with all of you standing over me."
Adam turned his attention to Judy. "You never said these gifts could be dangerous," he said accusingly.
"As far I as I know, they aren't. If he had been on solid ground he probably would have never fallen."
"Well he wasn't on solid ground; he was standing at the top of a very steep staircase. He could have been killed. And what do you mean, as far as you know? Are you saying that you don't really know how dangerous this stuff is? And you've been encouraging Killian to pursue it?"
"Adam, calm down," Steve said, laying his hand on Adam's arm. Adam shook it off angrily.
Judy was all business again. "Nobody knows everything about the Gifts, and anyone who tells you otherwise is either a liar or a fool, and probably both. Every person's experience is unique to them. No one can say that this or that will definitely happen, or that this is the way this works for sure. The Gifts come in varying strengths and in different combinations; not to mention God only knows how many variations. I'm not an expert and I've never pretended to be."
"She's right, Adam," I said as I stood up shakily. I felt like those newborn giraffes you see on TV, all wobbly and unsteady, not quite sure where to put their feet. Steve moved quickly to support me and I leaned against him gratefully. "She never promised me anything and it's not like she gave me the Gifts. I already had them. All she's ever done is try to help me understand them and encourage me to understand them better. If I have them and didn't understand them, that would be truly dangerous. I'm sure many people have driven themselves insane because they didn't understand what their Gifts were. I've wondered more than once if I was losing my mind, and I knew what was happening-for the most part."
Adam shook his head as the rush of adrenaline slowly drained away. "It's just that I've never thought about all this as really being dangerous," he said tiredly.
"We still don't know if it is," Judy insisted. "It happened to be that particular time because of where Killian was standing when it happened. We don't know that his...experience was the direct cause of his fall."
"I think I was just disoriented and lost my balance," I said, but I don't think I was too convincing since I wasn't all that sure that was what had happened. It was preferable to think that than to think that something pushed me, however.
Apparently Judy was satisfied with that explanation, even if Adam wasn't, because she began to question me about the experience. "What exactly did you see?" she asked me.
"I didn't exactly see much of anything, really. I thought I heard a noise behind me on the stairs, so I turned around, but there was nothing there. And then, just as I was about to turn around, it was like time stopped or something. I couldn't move or talk, the stairs got darker and darker until the only light came from behind me and looked like it came from a candle. Somehow, I just knew that I was Amalie and that I was holding my baby. And somehow, I also knew that I was in danger and there was someone behind me that I was trying to get away from, but I don't know who it was."
"You didn't know, or Amalie didn't know?" Judy interrupted.
I shrugged. "I don't know. I think I was thinking separately from Amalie. The thoughts were my own, but I just knew certain things, like in a dream. You know how you don't have to have things explained, you just know somehow?" Everyone nodded. "All I know is that I wanted to get away so bad, but I couldn't move. And then all of a sudden I was shoved really roughly and that seemed to break the spell, because the next thing I knew I was falling."
"It sounds like you were pushed to me," Adam said.
"I might have just been dizzy. Actually, I was dizzy after the last time it happened too."
"The last time?" Adam yelped. "It's happened before?"
"Once," I said sheepishly.
"And you didn't tell me?"
"I didn't really have a chance. I haven't seen you since it happened."
Adam flushed and looked a little ashamed. A phone rang somewhere downstairs and Steve reluctantly left to answer it. Judy excused herself as well, giving us a little time alone.
"I wasn't saying that to make you feel bad," I said softly. "I know you've been busy here with Steve."
"It doesn't change the fact that I haven't been home in three days," Adam said wearily. He sat down on the bottom step of the staircase. "I haven't seen Kane since Tuesday and here it is Thursday. I just assumed that since I hadn't heard anything from you boys that everything was fine."
"Everything is fine," I assured him. I moved to sit next to him on the step. "We're making out ok. It won't be like this forever."
"Is everything really fine? You're having these...these experiences. What happened with the other one?"
"It had to do with a case I'm working," I said simply. The less Adam knew about my cases the less he worried.
He shook his head. "Honestly, how is Kane holding up through all this?"
"He'll be ok. He was upset the other night; he said he felt like the family was falling apart. We agreed to try and spend more time together and that seemed to cheer him up. He's a good kid; don't worry about him too much."
"I'm a dad. That's what I do; I worry. I worry about you too."
"I'm going to get training for these Gifts. Once I understand them..."
"The Gifts are only part of the reason I worry about you."
"What else is there to worry about?"
"I worry that you're working too hard. You juggle school, a job that is hazardous by nature, and a serious relationship. I worry that you're going to get hurt. I worry that you don't get out enough. I worry that you're not happy..."
"Ok, ok. I get the picture. You worry. I'm a big boy now, Adam. I can take care of myself."
"I know you think that," he said with a sigh, "and that worries me."
"Micah is good to me," I said gently. "He would never hurt me."
"Not on purpose maybe..."
"Listen to me. Please. We just came through a rough patch that could have been the end of us, but instead I think we've come through it stronger. I love Micah and he loves me. We both come with baggage and we realize that now.
"As for school, I'm doing fine. As far as I know anyway. I don't really like it, but I think I'm doing ok. My job is my job. I don't think it's really any more hazardous than any other job. Most of the time it's pretty boring really. It could be worse; I could have been a cop. Or it could have been much worse; I could have been..." I dropped my voice to my best Vincent Prince imitation, "...a lawyer."
That at least brought a smile to his face. "You said that Kane is a good kid, but actually I have two good-no, great kids."
I leaned in and hugged him. "And we have a great dad."
He pulled me tight into his shoulder and wrapped his arms around me. It had been a long time since he'd held me like this. "I'm beginning to think that this whole thing was a bad idea," he said with a sigh.
"What whole thing?" I asked as I pulled away gently.
"This..." he said with an expansive gesture that took in his surroundings. "The bed and breakfast."
"But it was Steve's dream," I said.
"Maybe some dreams aren't meant to be realized."
"Do you really believe that?" I asked.
"I don't know anymore. I do know that it's not worth losing my family over."
"You've not lost anyone."
"Yet. It's causing a lot of strain on my relationship with Steve too."
I looked at him closely. "How much strain? You're not going to break up are you?"
"It's not that bad yet, but it seems like all we do is fight these days. He so stressed out that I'm beginning to worry that he's going to have a breakdown."
"If Amalie was gone that would relieve a lot of the stress, right?"
"It would help. It wouldn't be a magical cure, but it would go a long way."
"Then I just have to get her to go away."
"How? We don't even know why she's still here. We found the baby and moved it out next to her grave and she's still here. And now it looks like someone pushed her down the stairs. What does she want? Does she want justice from the person who killed her baby?"
"I don't know what she wants," I said. "But I intend to find out."
"Just don't do anything stupid."
"I promise."
"I'm going to go see who was on the phone and if it wasn't Kane I think I'll drive home and see him. With only the Munster's staying here, Steve doesn't really need me. You want to ride back with me?"
"Um, actually, I think I'll stay here and see if I can find out anything else."
I could tell he didn't like that idea. He seemed to struggle inwardly for a few moments, then he stood up and dropped a hand to my shoulder. "Be careful, son."
I smiled up at him. "I will, Dad." I saw a tear form in his eye before he turned and walked quickly away. I rarely called Adam dad, and whenever I did, he had a pretty emotional reaction.
I slowly pulled myself to my feet using the doorframe as leverage. I had several very sore spots that I had a feeling would be bruises if I were to check. I decided to take stock of my injuries later. I turned to face the stairs to the cupola and tried to summon the courage to go up there alone. Taking a deep breath, I started up, leaving the light off because it somehow seemed appropriate. I took one step at a time, waiting for the sense of horror to hit me, but it never did. The feeling of old pain and death still lingered, but the overwhelming horror was gone. Now that I knew what had happened there, had it faded?
I reached the top of the stairs without incident and looked around the small room. It was lined with windows on every side. During the day, it looked out on a spectacular view of the surrounding woodlands and the creek that wound its way along the side of the property. All I could see now was the thick blackness that lay over the house like a blanket. I walked around the small room, which didn't take long since you could only take a few steps in any direction before bumping into the windows.
"What do you want, Amalie?" I whispered.
I heard a creak from the hall downstairs and the hairs stood up on the back of my neck. The soft brush of a footfall on the stairs followed and I found myself backing away from the opening that led down. Now that I was faced with actually confronting Amalie, I wasn't at all sure I wanted to. A figure began to come into view, looking eerily as if they were rising directly from the floor. My breath caught in my throat and I fought the urge to scream. Why had I done this alone?
"Killian?" the figure asked in Judy's voice.
"Judy?" I asked as I released my pent up fear in a whoosh of relief.
"What are you doing up here in the dark? I didn't know if you were up here or not."
"You scared the hell out of me," I exclaimed, panting slightly.
"Sorry," she chuckled. "Adam said you were still up here and I thought I'd come check on you."
"Did you notice anything as you were coming up the stairs?" I asked as I gathered my scattered wits.
"I wasn't paying...wait."
"No horrible feeling?"
"It was never as strong for me as it was for you so I didn't really notice, but you're right. What do you think it means?"
"Maybe we're done with this room now that we know what happened here."
"Where do we go now?"
"If you don't know, I'm sure I don't."
I looked over to the stairs and remembered the feeling of fear that I had felt just before falling. "Who do you think pushed her?" I asked.
"I've been thinking about that. Do we have any proof that the story that real estate agent told Steve was true?"
"What kind of proof? And what part do you think might not be true."
"I don't know exactly, it's just a feeling I have. Maybe some research is in order."
"Research?"
"I'd like to know if all the dates of death add up."
"What are you thinking?"
"Remember your dream, the man you saw running from the creek towards the house? We never knew who he was. I'd like to be able to rule out the Captain."
"But I thought he was lost at sea."
"That's where the veracity of the real estate agent's story comes into play. What if she didn't have all the facts straight, or what if she was telling the version of the story she had heard, but facts have a way of getting changed over time."
"How would you do the research? This all happened so long ago."
"I'll try the library; they have an extensive genealogy and local history research room. They have all the old tax records, vital statistics records, censuses, and so on. Hopefully I'll be able to find something about the Marniens. The Captain must have been a fairly prominent citizen of the area so I may be able to find something in the old newspapers too. I think they have most of those on microfilm."
"Have you done this sort of thing before?"
"A friend of mine back in California was a genealogist and sometimes she'd get me to help her with research. It's not like it's all that hard, it just takes a lot of patience."
"Sounds like detective work."
"It's the same thing really. Well, it doesn't look like Amalie is going to make an appearance tonight. Why don't you go on home?"
"Since they have a few spare rooms at the moment, I was thinking I could just stay here. That way I'll be on hand in case she decides to show up again. Besides, I'm closer to work and school here anyway."
"What about clothes?"
"I'll just wear these again tomorrow. I'm not that dirty. I'll run home tomorrow night and get enough clothes to last me a few days at least."
"You're really serious about getting to the bottom of this, aren't you?"
"Yeah, I am. I've been really selfish about all this. After everything Adam has done for me, this is the least I can do. For that matter, Steve's probably done just as much. It would be wrong for me to be able to do something and not do it."
"I was a little worried for a while, but you're turning out alright. You're an amazing kid, Killian Kendall. Adam should be proud to have a son like you."
I blushed, but her comments made me think about Jake. It was too dark to really make out her expression, but I couldn't help but wonder if she was feeling as lucky. "I'm sorry I haven't been able to do more about Jake lately."
She waved her hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it. I know you haven't forgotten and you've had enough other things going on."
"But I made a commitment to you..."
"And I have no doubt that you'll live up to it. Shane told me he somehow managed to get you tickets to the AIDS Ball. That's good. Maybe you'll be able to figure out what Jake is doing there."
"I hope so. I still feel really lost on this one. I have no idea what is going on."
"You'll figure it out. Come on. Let's go downstairs. I'll help you make up a bed before I leave. Steve should just get to bed and get what little rest he can before he has to get up and start breakfast."
"Steve cooks the breakfast?" I asked in surprise. That was news to me.
"No, but he has to get things ready and be there when the guests come down. Both of them. He has a cook who comes in to prepare a light breakfast every morning. Nothing fancy."
We found Steve downstairs sitting on the settee in the foyer, half asleep. He told me I could sleep in one of the rooms that hadn't been occupied so the sheets were clean and the bed was already made up. He gave me the key and gratefully dragged himself off to bed. I saw Judy out and locked the door behind her before going to find what would be my room for the next few nights.
The room was beautiful, just like every other room in the house. Adam and Steve had furnished the entire place with antiques from the civil war period. This particular room was done in shades of blue with white accents. Very soothing. Rich, heavy blue velvet curtains hung at the window over sheer white drapes. The large, comfy looking chair with carved wooden arms and legs had been upholstered in the same material. A tall mahogany dresser stood against one wall with an oil lamp and silver-framed mirror on its top. Framed watercolors hung on the wall and a beautiful hand-painted glass shade covered the overhead light bulb.
Despite the beautiful decor, there was only one piece of furniture that I was interested in at that particular moment: the bed. It was a mahogany frame bed with carved spindle posts with a mattress that was almost as high as my waist. I barely registered any of that, however, as exhaustion suddenly overtook me. It had been a stressful night and it was beginning to take its toll. I turned off the light, pulled my clothes off, and climbed into the bed. As I drifted into the dream world, I wondered again if it was just simply too late to help Amalie. I could only hope it wasn't too late to help Adam and Steve.