Luke

Copyright and Disclaimer: 1. This is a fictional story with fictional characters. 2. No one is to steal this story under any circumstances. 3. This story deals with relationships and not sex, so if you're looking for a story with a lot of sex in it, this isn't the story for you.

Hey everyone. Well, I hope you are enjoying this new story that I'm doing and are glad with the direction that this story is going in. I'm trying really hard to honor Luke's relationship he had with Nick in my other story, Phases,' but at the same time I want this to have a separate identity from that story. I want this to be a story that can stand alone for people who read this who may never have read 'Phases'. This is one of the reasons why I decided to change my style of writing for this story a bit. From this chapter on the story will be told from Luke's perspective. I think it gives it a different twist that makes it unique from Phases' and can therefore not be compared too much to it. So I hope you enjoy this new format and I hope you enjoy this new chapter titled, `Scandal.'

`SCANDAL'

Having finally been able to sleep well at night, I've not only noticed that I've improved in terms of my energy level and strength, but also in my writing as well. My last couple columns have been some of the best ones I've ever written if I do say so myself. I always take pride in my columns, but none as much as these latest ones. My latest one in particular I felt was my best one yet. It is a little bit risqué, but I don't care. I am proud of it and that's all that matters to me. Shane read it and his mouth dropped, he told me that Farrah would flip out when she read it and that it would never make it to print, but I think it will. I stand up for all my columns and know that this one will speak to many people.

I was sitting at my desk talking to Shane who was writing a review for a recent play he say at his desk next to mine when Farrah came out of her office and yelled, "Luke! My office! Now!" I guess Shane was right, Farrah was definitely going to flip out on me.

"I knew she'd be pissed about your latest column," Shane jabbed as I got up from my desk to go to Farrah's office. As I passed her at the entrance of the door way I could almost feel her dark brown eyes burning a hole into me, she was fuming. I've never seen her this angry before. She slammed the door behind me and walked behind her desk and paced back and forth as I sat down at the chair in front of her desk.

"Would you mind explaining what you were thinking with this latest column?" Farrah asked.

"What's wrong with it?" I asked. I knew what she had a problem with, it actually was pretty obvious, but I planned to fight for this column and needed to hear her say what she hated so I could refute it.

"Are you kidding me?" Farrah asked as she picked up my column and began reading excerpts from it, "Let's see what you wrote here; `To some gay men, barebacking is a titillating experience that draws the line between ecstasy and danger. However, in my opinion, I would never risk it. Even if the feel of a latex condom over an erect, throbbing penis inside of you isn't as enjoyable as the feel of their bare skin, it's much better to have that inside of you than a sexually transmitted disease.' Let me ask you something Luke, were you out of your mind when you wrote this?"

Truth is, this column is completely out of character for me, but I felt that it was time for me to try and break some boundaries, become a new Luke, and I felt that this column really reflected that change in me. It was time for me to really embrace my new life here in San Diego and start anew. I couldn't let Farrah kill this column, even though it's edgy and scandalous, it's one of the most important pieces I've ever written.

"Farrah, this column will speak to many men in the gay community," I defended passionately, "Yes there are descriptions and words in there that are explicit and push the boundaries for what is acceptable in a local paper, but it's also something that is very real. It's not just me writing about sex and blow jobs and swallowing cum, it's about the importance of practicing safe sex. I'm not going to back down from it."

"You need to," Farrah shot back still angry.

"I won't," I put my foot down, "I was brought down here because I'm good at what I do. I could have had your job if the death of my boyfriend didn't change things, but I chose to stay as a columnist here and if you don't like what I have to say then maybe I shouldn't be here." I felt my heartbeat speed-up, I knew that the last statement I made was either really brave or really stupid. I didn't know Farrah well enough yet to determine if I said the right thing, all I had to go on was my gut instinct and to stand up for what I believed in.

"Do you realize who you're talking to?" Farrah asked, "I'm your boss."

"Yes, but you also have to realize that I was made a columnist because my old boss believed in me and what I have to say," I answered. I then came up with an idea to run by her, it was a solution that I felt was fair and reasonable, "I'll make a deal with you."

"Excuse me?" Farrah asked as she raised her right eyebrow, curious about what I had to say. "What kind of deal?"

"Run my article," I began, "And if the response to the article is negative then I will run all my future column topics by you and you can approve or disapprove and I will do as you say."

"Okay," Farrah nodded liking this deal so far.

"But, if the response is positive, then you give me the freedom to do what I do best," I finished, "Deal?"

Farrah looked me in the eye, almost as if she was trying to see what my thoughts were on this bet, I knew she was intrigued, there was no way she would back down from this bet.

"You have yourself a deal," Farrah said shaking my hand, "You have spunk, I hate spunk." Farrah added by quoting an infamous line from the `Mary Tyler Moore Show.'

I just smiled and got up from the chair in front of her desk and walked with my head up out of the office. As I walked out of her office everyone sitting at their desk looked up to see if I had gotten fired. I'm sure by the way Farrah sounded when she yelled me into her office earlier that it seemed like my last day at the San Diego Bulletin was today. Even Shane looked up at me with a worried look on his face. I gave him a smile and a wink to reassure him that everything was okay. I barely even had a chance to sit down at my desk when Shane began drilling me with questions.

"What happened in there? Did she make you change it? Did she threaten to fire you?" Shane asked, barely even stopping to take a breath. I gave a little laugh an assured him that everything was fine and I told him about the bet I made with Farrah regarding my column. When Shane heard about the bet he let out a laugh, he couldn't believe that I had to the balls to do such a thing, it's just one more new fact that he was able to learn about me in our growing friendship. I have to say that Shane is definitely becoming my best friend in San Diego. I feel comfortable with him and I feel as if I've known him my whole life. It's a great feeling, it made this whole process of being down here much easier. When I first came down here by myself with out Nick I thought I wouldn't survive, but Shane, Ford, Benji and Rich have really saved me. They've become my life support down here. Shane especially, and I don't think I will ever be able

to thank him enough for being there for me.

"I can't believe that Farrah's going to run that column," Shane said in amazement, "To be honest, I really thought that she was going to kill it."

"Well, hopefully it all pays off," I replied, sure it was a bold move of me to make by giving Farrah that proposition, but if I lose, it's going to be hell for me here. I don't know if I'll be able to write as passionately as I want to write if I have to do topics that someone else has chosen for me. All I can do now though is keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

"I can't wait to tell the guys tonight about this," Shane said. "This is going to go down as one of the most legendary things someone has done working here."

I couldn't help but feel a little pride when Shane said that, maybe along with my new life here I can make a big impact as well. It's always been a fantasy of mine to win some awards for my writing and possibly even receive a deal from publishers to write a book perhaps or even one day own a newspaper. Big dreams though, but for now, making a legendary move here at the San Diego Bulletin is good enough for me.

That evening at dinner with the guys I found myself looking at each one of them and realizing how completely different each one of them was from each other. I mean, I knew from the first time that I met them that they were all unique, but these guys are all so completely different that it amazes me that they are such good friends. Especially when I see Ford and Benji, the two of them tonight are sitting next to one another across the table from me and they are like night and day, even down to their clothes that they are wearing tonight. Ford is wearing a clean white button-up shirt from Calvin Klein with a clean crisp pair of khaki Armani slacks and black Prada loafers. Benji is wearing a black turtleneck shirt with the sleeves cut off and the words `Hot Stuff' written in big bold lime-green letters on the chest, and he was wearing a pair of skinny jeans with studs all up and down the sides of the legs, I could only assume that it's an outfit

that came from his boutique. I've yet to go to his boutique, but if it carries men's clothes that Benji likes to wear, I don't think that it's one that will really suit my style.

"So how's Mr. 10 doing?" Benji asked Ford as he took a sip from his Cosmopolitan (I think a part of him secretly wishes that he lived in New York living like the ladies of `Sex and the City' with their Cosmos, great clothes, and hot sex lives).

"It's going well," Ford replied as he began to talk about his boyfriend Roland Reed, a real estate agent that he's been dating for almost a month, "I think I'm falling in love with him."

"Really?" Shane asked. "You've only been dating the guy for a few weeks."

"It will be a month next week," Ford retorted.

"Have you told him you loved him?" I asked curious.

"No, not yet," Ford replied. "I plan on doing it tomorrow night when he comes over for dinner."

"He seems to come to your place a lot," Benji noted, "Have you ever been to his place?"

"No," Ford replied. "He said that he's in the middle of remodeling so he's been living in a hotel."

"Interesting," Shane said skeptically. Ford glanced at Shane, he knew by his tone that Shane wasn't approving of the situation.

"What is it?" Ford asked Shane.

"I just think it's odd," Shane replied. "But you know me, I'm more of a cynic."

"Don't look into it too much," Ford said trying to defend Roland's situation. "I'm sure I'll see the place when it's done with the remodel."

"I'm sure you will," I said trying to diffuse the tension.

"So other than that is everything good?" Rich asked jumping into the conversation after he ordered himself another herbal tea (he's always drinking the stuff. He rarely drinks alcohol).

"Yeah," Ford said a little unconvincingly. We all leaned in and looked at him, knowing there was something he wasn't telling us. Ford looked at each one of us hesitantly and knew he had to fess-up, "Okay, there is one thing that bothers me a little."

"Well spit it out then honey," Benji said.

"When we make love," Ford said quietly, he quickly looked around to make sure that no one at the other tables around us could hear him, "I'm always the bottom."

"Is that a bad thing?" Benji asked confused.

"It's not horrible, but I've always considered myself to be versatile," Ford replied. "I like to top every now and then, but he's never let me."

"So he's strictly a top then?" I asked.

"That's the thing," Ford replied trying to solve his own puzzle, "When we first made love he told me that he was versatile too. So after he tops me and when it's my turn to top him, he always ends up going down on me or doing other stuff that causes me to...." Ford stopped himself, he was too modest to say anything like shoot,' cum,' or even `ejaculate.'

"Blow your load," Benji said bluntly, completing Ford's sentence.

"Do you think that's weird?" Ford asked ignoring Benji's sometimes crude language.

"Have you tried talking to him about it?" Rich asked.

"No, I don't want him to think I'm not satisfied with our sex life," Ford replied.

`Well you are unsatisfied," Shane shrugged. "Just talk to him."

"I just wouldn't know where to start," Ford said. "You know that I don't like to have conversations about stuff like that."

"You're talking to us about it," Benji said.

"That's different, you guys are my friends," Ford replied. "He's the man I'm in love with."

"Be careful using that word `love.' I don't want to see you get hurt," Shane said.

"He's the one," Ford said confidently, "I know it."

"Okay," Shane sighed. I could tell that Shane was very skeptical about Ford falling for Roland so quickly.

"Well, when did you two realize that you were the ones for each other?" Ford asked Shane and Rich. The two of them both had that `deer in the headlights' look on their face. Neither one was certain how to answer that. I looked at Shane and raised an eyebrow daring him to speak first.

"Um, we don't know," Shane replied.

"You don't know when you both realized it?" Ford asked confused. I couldn't help but find Ford's unfailing faith in romance endearing.

"No," Shane carefully began to explain, "We don't know if we're `the ones' for each other." Shane looked over at Rich for confirmation, he didn't say anything, just quietly nodded his head in agreement.

"Really?" Ford asked, "But you two are so good together."

"We love each other," Rich explained, "But we've only been dating for about four months now. It's too soon for us to be making promises to each other."

"This is getting uncomfortable," Shane said taking a big sip of his beer, "Can we change the subject?"

"Please," Benji begged, "I've had my fill of romance and relationship talk for the night."

"So what's going on with you Benji?" I asked as our waiter brought us our food. I got a club sandwich with fresh fruit on the side.

"Nothing," Benji shrugged, "It's pathetic how boring my life has been lately. I haven't even had a decent fuck lately."

"Really?" Shane asked. "What about that cute guy you met when we went clubbing last week?"

"He was great in the looks department, but he could barely get it up," Benji quipped. I loved how candid Benji was about his sex life. He just didn't care what anyone else thought. I really admire that. "I don't think anyone's sex life is more pathetic than mine."

"Mine is non-existent," I revealed. I haven't had sex since Nick died. It's just been too hard for me to try and move on to someone else.

"How long has it been?" Benji asked.

"About three months," I replied taking a bite of my sandwich. I could see Benji's eyes grow wide, three months was obviously a long time for him.

"Wow," was all Benji could say.

"Yeah, but you'll date again when you're ready," Shane added giving me a pat on the back. I gave him a grateful smile. He winked back at me.

"Exactly," Ford added. "You need time to grieve and move on. Just take all the time you need, but I know you'll find love again."

"I don't know," I shrugged. "Maybe it just isn't in the cards for me anymore."

I began to wonder if Ford was right; would I find love again? I often wondered if Nick was my one and only shot at true love. Would I ever have those intense feelings with anyone else that I had with him? But what if I did find someone else that I loved just as much as Nick? How scandalous would it be to fall in love with someone after you already had one true love?

After dinner, Ford had Roland come over to his place so he could try and top him. After his discussion with us earlier that evening, he knew he had to give it a try and if worse came to worse, talk about it with him.

Roland came over and they immediately went into the bedroom were they started to undress one another. When they were both naked they laid in bed together kissing, Roland gently rubbed Ford's thigh with his right hand as he cradled Ford's neck in his left arm as they kissed. He then reached for a condom and began to unwrap it when Ford pulled away from the kiss.

"How about I top you this time?" Ford asked hopeful.

"Maybe next time," Roland replied quickly.

"It can be hot. We've never done that before," Ford said kissing Roland's neck.

"Yeah, but I'm just not in the mood to be a bottom tonight," Roland said nervously.

"Why?" Ford asked. He looked into Roland's eyes and wanted an explanation. "You never let me top you."

"Honestly?" Roland asked.

"Yes," Ford replied. "What is it?"

"I'm not versatile," Roland answered. "I only like to top. That won't be a problem will it?"

Truth is, it was a problem to Ford, he didn't want to be a bottom all the time, however, he also didn't want to be alone forever and he saw Roland as his Prince Charming. So he just smiled and kissed Roland, "It's not a problem." And he continued to be a bottom.

Meanwhile, Shane was spending the night at Rich's place. The two of them both laid in bed pondering what Ford had asked earlier. Were they really `the ones' for each other? As Shane tried to focus his attention elsewhere and turn on the television, Rich was busy writing in his journal, something that he's done everyday since he was in high school. Shane always tried to respect Rich's privacy about the journal, but he couldn't help but notice his name written on one of the pages as he quickly glanced at it out of curiosity. Once Shane saw his name, he had to know more, so he slowly scooted his body a little closer to Rich's so he could get a better view of the journal, but as he did that, Rich turned his body a little bit to make sure that the context of the journal weren't visible to Shane.

"What you writing about?" Shane asked when he could no longer see what Rich is writing.

"Not much, just writing about my day," Rich replied simply.

"Oh I see," Shane sighed. He didn't want to push it anymore, he knew that Rich wouldn't spill.

The next morning Shane woke up and Rich was already in the shower. Rich daily gets up at 6 in the morning and does yoga. His day isn't complete without it. Shane looked at the clock on the bedside table and saw that it was 7 AM, he also noticed that Rich's journal was carelessly laying right next to it. He knew it was wrong, he knew it was an invasion of privacy, but he also knew that he couldn't resist. So Shane committed a scandalous act of his own, he started reading Rich's journal and as soon as he did, he suddenly wished that he didn't.

"What was so bad about what he wrote?" I asked Shane when he told me he read Rich's journal. Shane had an upset expression on his face so I knew whatever he wrote, it wasn't good.

"He wrote that he thinks he can really be with me, but he still thinks about his ex," Shane replied.

"Who was his ex?" I asked curious. It's like having a soap-opera unfold in front of me.

"He was this other actor that he dated for a couple years," Shane explained. "Rich and I got together six months after they broke-up. Do you think I'm just a rebound?"

"I don't think he would have written a play about you if you were just a rebound," I said trying to comfort him.

"It was hardly a play about me," Shane said cynically, "He just stood on stage and masturbated."

"Well don't get too upset yet," I told him trying my best to find a positive in this situation. "He was with his ex for two years, obviously he's going to think about him from time to time. The fact is he's with you now and I'm sure you're who he wants to be with."

"Not according to his journal," Shane said. "And the worst part of it, is that I can't confront Rich about this without telling him I read it."

"Maybe you shouldn't have been so nosey," I quipped.

"How is that helping?" Shane asked, obviously not amused. I shrugged my shoulders, I really didn't know what else to say to him. What do you say in a situation like that? If I was going to be completely honest I would have told Shane that it sounds like Rich is still hung up on his ex-boyfriend, but I couldn't say that to my friend. All I could do was be there for him and hope for the best.

Meanwhile, at his boutique, Benji was busy going over some new shipments of clothes that came in when a handsome stranger walked in. Benji has had his share of good looking men, he has a way of attracting just about anyone he finds moderately interesting. I found out once that he even seduced a man who claimed to be straight. Anyone who can do that obviously has a gift. So while Benji is normally very forward with men he likes, this one that came in was different than the rest. The handsome stranger stood a little over 6 feet, he had the looks of a young Rob Lowe, he was wearing a polo and a pair of jeans, but Benji could tell that underneath those clothes was a body of pure muscle. A man this hot Benji knew had to be gay. Until Benji found out his name, he only thought of him as Hotty.

"How's it going?" Hotty asked.

"Doing fabulous," Benji replied trying to remain cool. "Anything you're looking for today?"

"Just browsing," Hotty answered. "I just recently moved here so I'm just getting familiar with the area."

"Where did you move from?" Benji asked.

"Santa Barbara," Hotty replied.

"Nice area," Benji said. "What brings you down here?"

"Work," Hotty responded as he made his way up to Benji so they were only about twenty inches away from one another. "I got a job down here as a photographer."

"Fabulous," Benji smiled. "Well welcome to San Diego. I'm Benji Bennett." Benji extended his hand to shake Hotty's, he was desperate to feel the touch of his skin. He hasn't had good sex for a while and just by looking at Hotty, he felt that his luck is about to turn around.

"Scott McCormick," Hotty introduced himself shaking Benji's hand. When Benji felt his hand in Scott's he felt a rush go inside of him. He didn't know what it was, it was a feeling that he's never experienced before, but he liked it. He knew that he would enjoy getting to know Hotty Scotty.

They talked for an hour about one another. Benji found out that Scott was a recent graduate from University California of Santa Barbara, he majored in Art History and got a job at the Jaclyn Davis Photography Studio which was only about ten minutes from his boutique. Benji didn't know what it was about Scott, but he felt a connection with him. He realized that he wanted more than just sex from Scott, he actually wanted to get to know him. This is when Benji committed the most scandalous act of all, he started to actually like another man.

After talking for an hour and twenty minutes, Benji and Scott decided to go on a date the following night. It would be the first date Benji's been on in two years.

That night, Ford and Roland were having a nice dinner that Ford made at his apartment. Every time Ford looked at Roland he saw the perfect life that he's always wanted for himself; marriage to a successful man, a nice home with antique furniture, two kids and a dog. He wanted that perfect life that his parents had, they were his role models after all. Even though Ford saw all this with Roland, he still was a little bothered by how distant he could be at times. It seems that there is something he was trying to keep hidden from him, but he wasn't sure if he was just being over paranoid or not. But he tried to push those doubts out of his head and remind himself that this was a man whom he loved.

"Roland, there's something I've been meaning to tell you," Ford said, he couldn't hold his love for him inside any longer.

"Let me go to the bathroom real quick and then you can tell me, okay?" Roland said excusing himself from the table. As Roland was in the bathroom, Ford rehearsed in his head how he was going to tell Roland that he loved him. He wanted the moment to be perfect. However, his rehearsing was interrupted by Roland's cell phone which he left on the table. Ford picked up the phone and looked at the Caller ID and was surprised to see `HOME' flashing on his phone. Ford became confused, Roland had told him that he lived alone so how could he be getting a call from his home?

"Hello?" Ford asked picking the phone up out of curiosity.

"Oh, hi, did I dial the right number?" a woman's voice asked.

"Who are you trying to reach?" Ford asked.

"Roland," she answered. "This is his phone, right?"

"Yeah, he's in the bathroom right now," Ford replied still confused why a woman would be calling Roland from his home, "Who's calling?"

"This is his wife, Julia," she said. When Ford heard those words he felt as if someone stabbed him in the chest. "Are you the client that he's been going out with a lot?"

"I'll have him call you back," Ford said as politely as he could before hanging up the phone.

Roland came back from the bathroom and sat down at the table.

"So what were you going to say babe?" Roland asked.

Ford quickly went from confused to sadness to anger, "Your wife just called your cell phone looking for you."

Roland didn't answer, he knew it was pointless. All he could do was smile and hope that Ford wouldn't kill him.

Five minutes later, after Roland pointlessly tried to explain himself, but it was useless to Ford. Roland was married, and that was not part of his Prince Charming scenario. He kicked Roland out of his apartment and out of his life and walked the four doors down to my apartment.

"He's married!" Ford exclaimed as I opened the door to let him in.

"What? Who?" I asked confused, not knowing at the time what he was talking to me about.

"Roland is married," Ford explained. "He's married!"

"Oh wow," I said feeling horrible for Ford, "I'm so sorry." I knew if Shane were here he'd say `I told you so.' But I decided a more gentle approach would be appropriate.

It amazed me that Ford was with such a pig. He doesn't deserve that. I can't believe that someone like Ford could have a problem meeting a great guy. He's probably the best looking man I've ever met in my life, he's sweet and thoughtful and although his idealistic attitude could get a little tiring at times, it's nice to know that there are gay men like him out there who believe in love and romance. I come to the realization how lucky I am. Here's a great guy like Ford who can't find another great guy for himself, while I had someone who meant more to me than anything in this world. I was with a man whom I loved and who loved me. Even though Nick was taken from me too early, I realize how blessed I am to have been with such a great guy.

"Listen Ford," I said, as I pat him on the back as we're sitting on the couch in my living room. "You will find someone amazing. Someone who you deserve to be with."

"I'm starting to doubt that," Ford sighed. "I'm beginning to think that maybe I should start living life like Benji and just give up on the idea of the perfect relationship."

"No, don't," I quickly rebuff, "Never give up on love."

"Why not? You did," Ford pointed out. "You said that you don't think another great love is in the cards for you."

"Yeah, but I've had at least one great love," I pointed out. "Have you?"

"Not really," Ford replied.

"Then he's still out there for you," I encouraged. "Just wait and he'll come to you."

"When?" Ford asked clearly frustrated.

"I don't know Ford," I replied rubbing his back, "But you will find him."

"What was it like for you?" Ford asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked uncertain what it was Ford wanted to know.

"I don't mean to pry, but would you mind telling me about Nick?" Ford asked curious. "Do you think about him a lot?"

"Every day," I sighed.

"Does it hurt to talk about him?" Ford asked.

"It used to," I replied. "It used to hurt a lot actually. But lately, when I think about him, I can't help but feel lucky."

"Lucky?" Ford asked. "How do you feel lucky? He was taken from you."

"Yeah, but when we were together it was great," I replied. "He was the most amazing guy I've ever known." I smiled to myself as I thought about Nick. I spent the next hour talking about him and our time together.

Meanwhile, Shane was once again spending the night at Rich's place. He was laying in bed as Rich was in the living room meditating and couldn't help but stare at the journal that sat on the bedside table. The journal that made Shane wonder how Rich really felt about him. He wanted to talk to Rich about it so desperately, but knew that he couldn't with out getting in trouble for reading it in the first place.

After Rich was done with his meditation he climbed into bed with Shane and wrapped his arms around him.

"You okay?" Rich asked as he nuzzled his nose into Shane's neck.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Shane lied. "Why do you ask?"

"I'm getting some very nervous vibrations from you. What's wrong?" Rich asked.

"Nothing," Shane replied. "Let's get some sleep."

"Shane, talk to me," Rich said. "What's wrong?"

Shane knew he had to tell Rich the truth, but he didn't want to, it would make him look like the jealous boyfriend.

"I don't want to say," Shane said.

"Just talk to me," Rich replied.

Shane took a deep breath, knowing he had no choice. "Well, this morning while you were in the shower, I sort of read your journal."

"You did?" Rich asked in a neutral tone. Shane couldn't tell if Rich was angry or not.

"I'm so sorry," Shane replied. "But I couldn't help myself. I really love you and wanted to know how you felt about me."

"So what did you read that's upsetting you?" Rich asked, still talking in a neutral tone.

"The part that said you still think of your ex," Shane sheepishly admitted. "I'm really sorry. Do you hate me?"

"No," Rich answered. "You know me, I don't get mad at the small stuff."

"But I invaded your privacy," Shane said, surprised that Rich wasn't yelling at him.

"It's fine," Rich said. "Do you want me to explain what I wrote?"

"Yeah, please," Shane said.

"It's true that I sometimes think about Tony," Rich said. "He was a big part of my life, but I'm so much happier with you. I really love you."

"You do?" Shane asked touched to hear those words.

"Yes, I do," Rich replied. "Come here." Shane then leaned in and gave Rich a kiss.

"I love you too," Shane said. "That's why I was being so nosey. I didn't want to lose you."

"You won't," Rich smiled.

The two then slowly began to kiss and undress one another. It was the best sex that Shane's ever had. That's the thing about doing something scandalous, sometimes the payoff in the end is completely worth it.

The next day arrived and it was judgment day, it was time to see who would win the bet, me or Farrah. I have an e-mail address that is listed in my column for readers to tell me their thoughts and feelings on my latest writings. I know Farrah was very eager to see what the response was as well. By the time I arrived to work Farrah already had all my responses printed out and was going through each one of them in her office.

I sat down at my desk and read the responses myself so I could be prepared when Farrah called me into her office.

"So what did people think of your column?" Shane asked as he arrived to work and sat down at his desk next to mine.

"I was just about to check," I replied logging into my e-mail account. My inbox had more than two hundred responses, by far the most since I've started work at the San Diego Bulletin. "Judgment day." I said to myself. I then began to click on each e-mail to read the reviews on my `scandalous' column.

"So?" Shane asked not being able to stand my silence as I read the e-mails. "What did people think?" I didn't say anything for a couple minutes, I wanted to read at least a half a dozen of the responses so I could get a general idea. After I finished reading six responses I turned to face Shane and cracked a smile, "They loved it."

"Yeah?" Shane asked as a smile grew on his face.

"They absolutely loved it!" I replied. "People are applauding my candid and honest writing about being gay and the risks involved in unsafe sex."

"What do you think Farrah will say?" Shane asked.

"Luke!" Farrah suddenly called out from her doorway, "My office, now!"

I got up and went into her office and she closed the door to give us some privacy.

"Well, I suppose you've read the responses," Farrah said.

"Yes I did," I gloated. "They loved it."

"Yeah, it appears they did," Farrah said. "So I guess I'll have to hold up my end of the bet and let you write what you want to write."

"Thank you," I said getting up from the chair in front of her desk, "Is that all?"

"No," Farrah replied. "Just remember that I'm still your boss and I don't want you to take advantage of this situation. Don't think you can get away with everything."

"Okay," I nodded in agreement. I then headed out of her office and sat at my desk. It felt nice to know that I had free range for my writing. I was really beginning to live my new life for me now and was feeling like I could move on. I felt that if I could be brave and stand up for my writing then I should be able to be brave in all aspects of my life. There was one thing I needed to do in order to fully get on with my life. It's not scandalous like my last act, this one is more of a brave one.

That afternoon after work, it was time for Benji's big date with Scott. He didn't tell any of us, he wanted to see how it went first. Even though he agreed to go on a date he still wasn't sure if he was cut out for it, he didn't want to risk getting hurt again. Scott had asked Benji to meet him at the docks. When Benji arrived he saw Scott waving to him from a sail boat.

"What's this?" Benji asked walking up the boat.

"Climb aboard sailor," Scott said extending his hand to help Benji onto the boat.

"Is this your boat?" Benji asked.

"Yeah," Scott replied. "In high school I started taking sailing lessons and I fell in love with it. I got this when I was in college."

"What's her name?" Benji asked.

"Hope," Scott replied pointing to the side of the boat where HOPE' was written in big block letters. Benji smiled, he was going on a boat named Hope' with the hope of his own that this date wouldn't turn out so bad. "So you ready to set sail?"

"Yeah sure," Benji replied.

The two then began to set sail out into the bay. Benji closed his eyes and felt the wind hit his face. This was by far one of the most fun things he's done in a long time. When he looked at Scott he smiled, he loved the look on his face as he was busy sailing the boat. As they sailed they both got a chance to really get to know one another and as far as first dates go, this was definitely the best one Benji has been on in a long time. He looked back as the dock got smaller and smaller. It amazed him on how beautiful the view was from the sailboat. The blue sky, reflecting off the ocean's surface. It was one of those sights that made you appreciate life.

"I brought us some food," Scott said lifting up a picnic basket.

"You cook?" Benji asked.

"No," Scott replied. "I just bought us some Subway sandwiches. My cooking skills are pretty much non-existent."

"Ditto," Benji said.

They ate their sandwiches and drank some lemonade as they watched the sun begin to set.

"I guess we should head back," Scott said. "It's getting dark."

"Good idea," Benji replied. Truth of the matter; Benji was a bit uncomfortable around water. Ever since he saw Jaws when he was a little boy he became convinced that a shark would eat him one day so he always tried to stay on land. However, today with Scott was an exception since he actually liked the guy and didn't see him as just a one night hook-up.

"So I'm about to ask you a third or fourth date question, but feel free to not answer if it makes you uncomfortable," Scott said as they began to sail back to the dock.

"What is it?" Benji asked.

"When was your last relationship?" Scott asked.

"Long time ago," Benji replied. "About two years ago."

"You haven't been in a relationship since?" Scott asked.

"Nope," Benji replied.

"Why's that?" Scott asked.

"Relationships aren't really my thing," Benji replied. "Dating is fine as long as it's kept casual, but an actual relationship takes a lot of trust."

"And you don't trust easily?" Scott sensed.

"I think any man who trusts easily is a fool," Benji responded honestly.

"So what made you decide to come out with me today?" Scott asked.

"Not sure yet," Benji said bluntly, "I'm still trying to figure you out."

"Oh yeah?" Scott smiled. "Well I hope I don't disappoint."

Benji was beginning to really like Scott. He didn't know what it was about Scott, but he was very anxious to find out. He couldn't believe that he actually liked a guy, it was not like him at all, but it couldn't be helped. In matters of the heart, you can't decide whom you fall for, it just happens.

That night when I got home from work I knew there was one thing I needed to do that I had put off since I moved down here to San Diego. If I could be brave in my writing at work I knew I could be brave and do this. It was something that I had been trying to avoid in order to move on with my life. I went to my computer and logged into my e-mail account where the unread e-mails from Nick's best friends, my friends, Kurt and Leo waited for me. Just thinking about them brought back so many memories of Nick.

I took a deep breath and clicked on the e-mail from Leo first and began to read.

"Dear Luke,

Hey man, how's it going? I miss talking to you. I hope everything is going well for you down in San Diego and you're enjoying your new job. Things have been very different around here. Kurt has been having the hardest time dealing with Nick's passing. But we're doing our best to stay strong and go forward. It's just hard though, you know? I'm sure you must know what we're going through. I was wondering if you had an address you could give me. Nick's newspaper did a memorial issue for him and I thought you might like a copy. Anyway, I understand if you don't want to keep in touch with Kurt or me. I'm sure it's hard for you. But I just wanted you to know that we're still here thinking of you every day and hope you're okay. Write back if you can. Talk to you later.

Love, Leo"

I then immediately went to read the e-mail from Kurt.

"Luke,

I'm sorry for writing you like this, I know that you wanted to get away from anyone and anything that reminded you of Nick, but I needed to write to you. I'm not doing so good here. Every day it's a struggle for me to breath. I miss Nick so much and I keep hoping that I'll wake up and this will all have been a dream and that he's down there in San Diego with you alive and healthy. Leo seems to be doing okay, he's moving on a lot better than me. I wish I had his strength and courage. I just don't know how I'm supposed to live, you know? Nick was always like a big brother to me, he was always there to guide and take care of us. Anyway, I'm sorry for writing you with all my emotional problems. I guess I just wanted to know that I wasn't alone in missing Nick so much. I hope you're doing okay and adjusting to life in San Diego. Leo and I miss you a lot. Please write to us if you get a chance.

Always, Kurt"

I took a deep breath, it was comforting to know that I wasn't alone in missing Nick. When I realized this, I realized that it was okay to move on. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting, it simply means that I'm accepting what happened and going forward. I was going to e-mail them back, but then I decided that writing them a letter would be more personal, it would show that even though I haven't kept in touch with them, I still cared about them. So I took out a blank sheet of paper from my desk drawer and grabbed a black pen and began to write.

"Dear Kurt and Leo,

Sorry I haven't written earlier to let you know how I'm doing. It's still hard for me to face you two. In a way you both are an extension of Nick and to try and get over what happened I tried removing myself from anything that reminded me of him. I've recently came to the realization that I can't just escape him because he's always with me. And I've been selfish because I'm sure you both have been going through similar things. I will say though that I am getting better. The thoughts of Nick in my mind only bring back happy memories for me and I am grateful for the time I had with him. If we do only get one soul mate in our lifetime I know that I'll be one of the lucky ones because I met mine.

I hope you both are doing okay as well. Be sure to take care of each other and continue to do great things. Kurt, I hope that you get the writing success you've always dreamed of and Leo, I hope to see you on the big screen some day. I'm doing well in my job down here in San Diego. It's a different environment to be around, but over all I like it. I've made some good friends and hope to one day be open to possibly dating again. I'm not ready yet, but someday I'm sure I will be.

I love you both and thank you for not only being such great friends to me, but for being best friends with Nick. He was truly lucky to have the both of you. Take care.

Love, Luke"

I finished writing the letter and felt okay, good even. I was finally moving on.

*************************************************************************** To Be Continued...

With any comments, questions or feedback please e-mail me at ilj4ever44@yahoo.com. Thanks so much!