Disclaimer: If sexual acts between consenting adult males are not legal or interesting for you to read, then please move on, this story is not for you -- and shame on you for getting this far. Otherwise, please enjoy the first part of this story as it sets the stage for later chapters.
IN TOO DEEP
Ordinarily, I would have done anything to avoid a trip to the airport. The traffic is a hassle, finding a place to park and then waiting around for a departure is also slow torture. Spending a few hours in close quarters with my parents didn't rate very highly either. Somehow in a moment of weakness they managed to convince me to drive them to the airport. It must have been the eager anticipation of a month to myself that ultimately convinced me. That and the notion of a side trip into downtown Toronto.
My name is James Edwards, I turned nineteen this year but I still live with my parents in a small town in Ontario about twenty minutes away from the border to the United States. Every spring they head south for a month to spend time in their condominium in Fort Lauderdale. When I was younger it was the three of us that went, but midway through highschool I discovered I could have much more fun being left behind.
Its not that my parents are horrible, they aren't. In fact they've given me anything I could have ever wanted, probably way too much. They aren't rich or anything, but more so a factor of my being an only child born to a couple later on in their lives. Needless to say they try hard but the generation gap is often unsurpassable.
Each year since I was sixteen, they are Florida bound while I remain behind to rule the roost in the backward little town we call home. It's the kind of place where everyone knows everyone else so the news of any misadventure usually finds its way home before you can. Not that there was ever really any occasion for that to happen. It was that knowledge that likely kept me in check.
For me Toronto was a city of dreams. At close to two and a half million people its enormity boggled my mind. You could actually lose yourself in the anonymity of the place. Anything you ever considered or had even remotely heard of was available in Toronto. You could do whatever you wanted there and no one would even notice - much less care. It was a place that I had ventured to often over the past year, but always with friends. As such I never quite dared to do more than consider the possibilities.
After my obligation as chauffeur and dutiful son was completed, I pointed their Chevy van towards the downtown area and prepared to be amazed as the sun began to set. The garish neon lights of Yonge St. splashed down on thousands of faces as I drove on for miles. They say it's the longest street in the world. I'm not sure who "they" are or how many streets we compared, but I believed it. I parked the van and got out to explore on my own.
I spent time shopping in clothing stores, music outlets and head shops that hawked every item from tattoos, piercing and army surplus to incense tie-dyed shirts and sandals. There were sex-shops too, lots of them, featuring every flavor, act and color of the rainbow. Peep shows, strip clubs, video stores and arcades all beckoned me to enter.
As I passed them by I wondered if I'd ever be brave enough to step inside. My conscience always got the better of me. I was sure that somewhere along the line someone would recognize me, and word of my indiscretion would beat me home. I was convinced that everyone would know this tall skinny kid from nowhere, this youngster, this outsider, this geek, this virgin - just didn't belong in a place like that. And so I kept walking.
I thought about eating supper alone in one of those restaurants that overlook the pedestrian mall. Instead, I just sat and watched some homeless people panhandle for change. I noticed how hardly anyone seemed to pay attention to them. It didn't seem fair. They were free while I was held in check by my own fear, my self-imposed social limits. They could do whatever they wanted while I remained a prisoner of inaction. Next time, I vowed. Next time for certain I would explore the prospect of my sexuality. I would see some sights. I would take a chance. Next time.
I walked past the restaurant and headed back towards the van with my purchases in bags. With all the stores and all the diversity it was a shame that no one sold courage or conviction, I could have been their best customer. As I reached the van the rain started, slowly at first but building into a downpour. Even the weather was driving me away.
I decided then as I started the van that Toronto no longer held any special magic for me. I would return to my home as I had left it, empty and unfulfilled. It wouldn't find any answers among the cold steel and concrete, not among any of the faceless millions that prowled its streets either.
I drove south on Yonge Street towards the Gardiner Expressway and headed westbound towards home. The skyscrapers taunted me as they slowly disappeared in my rearview mirror. I would resign myself to the ordinary, to the expected.
Her name was Jennifer Campbell. She had asked me to the graduation dance in highschool and I had been her date. I would probably call her up, maybe even become her boyfriend. I bet she'd even let me go all the way. Truth is, she would have the night of our prom if I'd even been halfway interested in pursuing it with her. Trouble was, I didn't even consider it. I knew long before that I was gay but acting upon it was never an option for me to consider. Still wasn't, I supposed. No, I was destined to stay in the closet forever, I was in too deep.
Even in such a small town I was sure there were other people like me, but I didn't know them and couldn't overcome my fear to let them know me. Even as I realized the hopelessness of my situation I returned there, resigned to my fate and their narrow expectations.
I was just about out of the city when it happened. With the rain falling so hard and me so far inside my own head I had been transfixed, staring at the taillights of the sport utility in front of me. I don't know how long I had been behind it and to be honest I had only half noticed it drifting back and forth in the lane when suddenly it careened sharply into the guardrail on the right side of the road and spun around right in front of me.
Panic struck me with full force, I was going to collide with it. I hit the brakes hard and skidded off towards the left, narrowly missing its passenger side before my vehicle spun around on the rain slicked pavement and stopped about a hundred feet after the wreck. My first thought afterwards was the realization that I had escaped without a scratch on my parent's van. I was still reveling in that accomplishment when the passenger door opened and he got inside.
"You've got to help me, I need a ride out of here", he said.
I just sat there in disbelief. Imagine the nerve. This guy crashes his car and just about takes me out in the process and now he expects a ride. Not only that, but he just opened the door and got in without so much as asking.
Now he was sitting in my parent's van soaking wet, dripping all over the seat.
He looked to be about twenty-four, I figured. He had his hair dyed blonde at the ends and all spiked up like some sort of rock star. He was wearing black jeans with the buttons on the fly exposed, a white cotton shirt, hooded zipper sweater and boots. He had earrings too, a couple on each side. His clothes smelled of cigarette smoke and cologne. His hands were clean but shaking. It was too dark, even with the overhead streetlights, to judge the color of his eyes but they seemed friendly, as did the rest of his face.
"Look, I'm not going to take you anywhere, why don't you just go back to your truck and wait for the police to come", I answered gesturing back towards the collision behind me.
"I'm not going back to that truck and the cops aren't coming", he argued as he turned himself around to look behind us.
I was about to explain that someone would likely call the accident in and then offer some armchair psychology about having to get back on the horse again after a fall when the SUV drove right past me. It was heading full speed down the highway without so much as a nod in my direction.
"Hey someone's stealing your truck!" I yelled to him in disbelief. I would have figured he'd have been a little more excited, but he just sat there shaking his head and shivering. I put the van back in drive and sped off, intent on catching up and maybe getting a look at the driver. I couldn't imagine the nerve of someone stealing a truck from an accident scene, especially the way it was banged up like that. Pieces were dropping off the front end as it accelerated away.
"That's not my truck buddy it's a bad deal. Just slow down now and let it go" he said, grabbing my arm. He was strong enough that his grip held my attention. A thousand thoughts went through my head right then trying to piece together what had just happened, trying to make sense of it. I knew it wasn't good and I wondered it I was going to come out of this all right. I slowed the van and coasted towards the next exit. He released my arm.
"Are you in some kind of trouble?" I asked, "something you don't want the police involved in?"
He nodded and stared out the window to his right avoiding my gaze. Just great, now I was harboring some fugitive in my parent's van. I could only imagine the trouble I was in by association. I mean he looked the type that was in and out of trouble all the time, but I never was. The exit ended on top of an overpass and I stopped for the light.
"Ok, get out", I said as bravely as I could sound. At six-three I was a good five inches taller than he was, but at about 150 pounds each, I figured he had a strength advantage. Besides, he could have had a knife or been on drugs for all I knew, none of that would have surprised me about this guy.
"Look it, I've had a bad night, I'm cold and banged up, it's pouring rain and I don't have any money with me at all thanks to that asshole. You look like a decent kind of guy - if you could just spare a bit of time and gas I would really appreciate a ride home. I'll pay you for your troubles - twenty bucks. It's not even that far from here really, twenty minutes", he was almost yelling but his voice broke and it sounded more like a plea.
I looked him over then and he held my gaze. I hadn't noticed before but his sweater was ripped and his face looked a little bruised as well. Something in his eyes seemed genuine and I could see now that they were blue. Fourteen years of catholic education took hold and before my better judgement could kick in, I found myself relenting. Damned christian conscience. Well at least he said it wasn't too far, and he'd give me some money for the ride.
We drove on for another twenty minutes, turning this way and that at his direction. At each turn I wanted to protest and as every minute passed I kept mentally extending his deadline. Along the way he told me his name was Aeryk, like Eric only with an "A". I gave him my name and he offered a handshake in greeting. He told me he had a place by himself, I just nodded and kept driving.
I'm sure I was just about ready to stop cooperating when he told me to pull over and stop. We were there. Turns out we were right back near downtown Toronto. I figured Yonge Street was maybe a half a mile or so east of where I was now.
"You can park your van down that alley there and come up, I live just above the variety store there on the corner" he said pointing towards a dark alley then motioning towards a red-brick two story.
I didn't want to park the van, I didn't want to leave it there and I certainly didn't want to come up yet I did just that. He opened the door as I shut the engine down and he ran off. At least the rain had stopped. I left the relative safety of my parent's van and followed after this stranger, splashing down the street, doing my best to avoid the puddles. I told myself I was going to get my money and get out quickly.
The stairway to the apartments was narrow and dark. The lights on the second floor landing were dim but I could see there were four apartments. Not that it mattered, I hadn't a clue what street I was on, much less, I didn't even think to catch the number on the front of the building.
Aeryk put a key into the lock at apartment three and went inside. I stepped inside the door but held it open with my foot and resolved not to go any further. I would collect my cash and be on my way, that was the plan. I wasn't really even sure why I wanted the money, I had enough with me and I was sure I didn't burn up too much taking him back home. Yet there I was, waiting.
The place was dark at first and I could hear him down the hallway. A light went on in what was probably the bedroom and then he closed the door. I had to step inside a little further to reach the light switch and as I did, the front door closed behind me with a muted bang.
The apartment was surprisingly clean and well ordered inside. There was no odor and in fact it smelled as though it had been recently vacuumed inside. The furnishings were not new and not plentiful, but they were functional and in good repair. He had table and four chairs, a large couch, coffee table, television VCR and a stereo, a video game of some sort and shelves of CDs and videotapes.
I was standing in the combination living room, and dining room, and to my left I could see into the small kitchen. To my right was a hallway and counting the doors I figured there was one bedroom, a storage closet and a bathroom in that direction.
I could hear Aeryk in the bedroom and it sounded as though he was talking to someone. I turned around and put my hand on the doorknob to leave when he opened his bedroom door and walked down the hallway towards me.
"Don't go yet I haven't even given you your money."
"Keep it" I said, not even looking back and I turned the handle. The door wouldn't budge. I turned the handle the other way and pulled with some force but it still wouldn't give. I put both hands to the doorknob and pulled as hard as I could but the door wouldn't open. I was trapped.
"Look", he started, "I only have this fifty dollar bill so I ordered some pizza and wings and when it gets here I can pay you with the change". He turned a knob on the locking mechanism just above the handle I still grasped and I heard the latch slide back, releasing the door. In my haste to get out I hadn't even realized the door had locked itself automatically when it closed.
I looked out into the hallway for a half a second and then let the door go. I turned around to face my would be captor, embarrassed at my own paranoia. He was standing there with a white towel on his head, wearing the same wet sweatshirt with a towel wrapped around his waist. His legs and feet were bare. The fifty-dollar bill was in his hand. He held it out to me and I took it.
"I'm just going to run in for a quick shower and get warmed up. The food will be here in less than thirty minutes or its free so if the guy shows up you can pay him and keep the rest. Make yourself at home, there's stuff to drink in the fridge"
With that he walked down to the bathroom and closed the door. I was an idiot. He trusted me alone in his apartment and with his money. There was nothing stopping me from running out the door with all of it and helping myself to his stuff too if I was so inclined. My feelings of suspicion towards Aeryk began to evaporate. What the heck, I would stay and have some food. My stomach was actually growling at the idea of being fed, and given my previous behavior and mistrust, I owed it to him to show some trust.
I kicked off my shoes at the door and hung my jacket on the back of a chair then sat down on the couch and flicked on the TV. He had a good collection of videos and I immediately noticed one of my favorite movies on the shelf. Behind me I heard the water running in the shower. I popped the tape into the machine, pressed play and watched the first few minutes when there was a knock at the door. I hit pause.
Aeryk was still in the bathroom and I heard the hairdryer running. I paid the driver and brought the food into the kitchen. On my second attempt I found the cupboard that held the dishes and I got us each a plate and glass.
I opened the fridge looking for something to drink and selected two bottles of Blue. I brought the food over to the coffee table and sat down to await my host.
He came out almost right away and joined me in the living room. The transformation was amazing. He was wearing a long oversized T-shirt that came down to his knees. His legs and feet were still bare. His hair had been combed down straight and the color in his hair seemed as though it had been washed away, leaving it a light brown. His arms and legs were thin but nicely tanned. The muscles were well defined though not prominent. His fingers and toes seemed long and slender and I noticed he had no visible body hair. I had obviously overestimated his age and now put him at about my age or even younger.
He went over to the coffee table and grabbed up a few slices and a pile of wings then dropped them onto his plate. My eyes followed him as he stood and I found myself wondering if he had anything on underneath his shirt. I tried to see before he sat down but his shirt was too baggy to tell. Still I was curious...
"What's wrong, you're staring at me" he turned quickly and sat down on the other end of the couch facing me. I had been caught and I looked away defensively.
"You just look different is all" I muttered and took a swig of my beer, "kind of younger, more down to earth I guess... better". Did I really say that last part out loud?
"Thanks, I feel better too. And if you don't mind my saying you look better as well. You've kind of had this "deer in the headlights" look since the moment I first saw you. I guess I kind of freaked you out from the start but you seem to be settling down now... and that's better too" he offered.
I offered my apologies for my suspicious nature but under the circumstances it was not totally out of line. I asked him what had happened and what kind of trouble he was really in.
"James, I get the feeling that if you knew you'd wish you didn't. Unless you insist, I rather just leave it at that. Do you want to start over from scratch right now? Maybe watch this movie and have some food -- unless you have to leave right away?"
It seemed so natural and sincere. I had my suspicions about this guy, but he had my interest as well. I clanked my bottle against his and agreed to stay a bit. I introduced myself properly and offered to hold off with the questions for the time being.
He apologized to me as well for the way he ingratiated himself into my van and ultimately into my evening. He emphasized it was just a real bad scene and one he was happy to leave behind. His full name was Aeryk Martin and he went on to say he was twenty years old. I was about to comment on that when he interrupted me.
"But there's just one thing you have to do for me James. You have to take it off -- it's driving me crazy..."
I froze; I couldn't believe what I had just heard him say. Was he hitting on me? I could feel my face going red and my heart was banging so hard in my chest I was certain it would burst apart. I wasn't sure what to say and fortunately I had a mouthful of pizza which kept me from saying anything.
"...you must have stepped in that huge puddle when you parked the van, your sock is drenched and you're leaving wet marks all over the floor". Once again I was an idiot. It was true, my sock was soaked and there I was jumping to conclusions again. Before I could set aside my fantasy fears and react to reality, he reached over and quickly pulled one sock then the other right off my feet.
"I have a little space heater in the bedroom, I will lay them out and they'll be dry in no time." With that, he got up and walked down the hallway. It was weird, this guy had no boundaries it seemed. If he wanted something he just did it, no hesitation. I couldn't imagine a circumstance where I would feel confident enough to undress someone I just met - especially another guy. Ok, maybe he didn't undress me it was just my socks but the feeling it left in me was the same. I was excited by it. There I was just sitting in this guy's living room now barefoot, with an erection growing in my pants.
On his way back, Aeryk grabbed a few more beers each for us and switched on the movie. It was one of those British comedies, I'm sure you know the ones (bet you do, bet you do) and we each knew all the lines by heart. He could do the accents far better than I could and there were parts of the tape we played back several times for effect. As the night wore on we laughed more and more, at times until there were tears in my eyes and my sides ached.
The food was devoured in no time and the beer was meeting a similar fate. Around two in the morning I made my last trip to the bathroom. As I headed back towards the couch with my pants not quite done up, I realized how drunk I was by then. The room was spinning out of control and I stumbled and fell. My new friend was in similar shape or perhaps a little better off since I remember him covering me over with a blanket as I drifted off to sleep.
I awakened slowly the next morning unsure where I was. I slept well and surprisingly, I had only a slight hangover. In the distance, I heard the phone ring quietly and an answering machine pick up the phone. Next there was a woman's voice on the line and she sounded royally pissed off. I heard her say something about the Children's Aid Society and having to meet with Aeryk this week. She said something about a case. It made no sense to me, but I decided there were lots of other things about him I didn't know either. I dismissed it.
To be on the safe side, I opened my eyes slowly and prepared to greet my day. Instead my heart stopped beating. He was right there in front of me with his back to me. We were lying in his bed together, both of us on our sides. My right arm was beneath his head and my left was over top of him.
There was no longer any mystery as to what he was wearing beneath his shirt. If he had anything on earlier it was gone now. I knew it because I could feel his hard penis pressing against the palm of my hand. When my brain started to work again, I realized that he was still sleeping soundly. Slowly I withdrew my left hand and took inventory of my situation.
My pants were open at the front but my underwear was intact and seemed dry. Had I done something? I didn't remember a thing. My guess was nothing had happened, but I was scared just the same and even a bit embarrassed. What if he had awakened first and found my hand on his penis? I decided to avoid any confrontation I would just leave, as I should have done the night before.
I eased my arm out from under his head and crept out of the bedroom without making a sound. I straightened my clothes out as best I could and carefully unlocked the front door. I was already down the stairs and out the front door when I considered going back the first time. I stopped and thought it over, I'd have to bang on the door since it locked automatically, and then I'd have to explain why I left in such a hurry. I was a coward, I should have just stayed there and faced him regardless of what I did the night before, or what I was inadvertently doing when I woke up.
In the back of my mind I heard the phrase "Next time" and I shook my head, disgusted at my own inability to deal with this type of situation. I got in the van, stepping over the puddle this time. Not that it mattered, my socks were still back in his apartment.
I drove around for about fifteen minutes before I found signs directing me back to the Gardiner Expressway. I was just about onto the highway when it hit me. He had nothing on under his shirt. I had been right from the start. Why would a guy dress like that to spend time with a guy he just met, unless...
I found a payphone and stopped the van. There were several pages of Martins in the book but none of them said Aeryk. I tore out the page with the first names that began with "a" and considered my next step. I jumped back in the van and drove around for the next hour looking for anything that seemed familiar, to no avail.
When I realized it was a hopeless endeavor, I headed home. I may have been that close to the truth, but I had run away without finding it out first. The bitter reality of that fact both saddened me then made me smile. What started off as a whimper in retreat was now a battle cry. Next time. For sure I'll do something about it next time. An hour and a half later I was back at home, I had no idea how soon that time would come.
I value your comments and questions. Feel free to drop me a line if you enjoyed the story so far.
Chad.