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"AS I REMEMBER HIM"
A story by
Ritch Christopher
"And if you knew him, you would understand just why.
As I remember him, I cry..."
Chapter Three
It was nearly 11:30 at night before David, Chris, and Thad left the hospital. Thad smoked a cigarette standing outside the ER door with David, who at this point didn't know what to say to Thad. He himself was grieving also, but for his brother, not for Thad's lost 'friend'. Chris went back to his car to change clothes from his 'bar' duds back into his clerical collar, vest, and blazer, then reached into his glove compartment to retrieve his 'travel' sacrament kit. Inside were blessed communion wafers, two small glass containers, one with wine, the other with anointing oil, and his priest prayer shawl. He took the small black bag with him inside the emergency room to pray and perform an unction rite over Alex's young body.
Chris was almost too angry with Alex to bless him and sign Alex's forehead with oil. 'What a fucking waste...another young human tragedy!' were Chris' thoughts in between 'Hail Mary's' and 'Our Father's'. Why in hell hadn't Alex gone to the 'Vane' as they had expected? Chris had been certain he could have talked Alex into going to rehab, but he had had no idea that Alex's latest drug problem had reached this level of seriousness.
Outside, Thad was blaming himself for not going to find Alex himself, rather than asking Father Chris to do it. Even if Thad had had to arrest Alex, at least he would still be alive. Thad cursed himself as he hit his fist against a post which supported the metal canopy structure over the doorway. David sensed Thad's anger and grief, realizing that it paralleled what he had been experiencing all day, ever since he had seen Mark's body that morning.
David walked up slowly behind Thad and placed one hand on the back of Thad's right shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Thad," David said, quietly and earnestly.
"It's all right, David," Thad replied. "I'm sorry you had to see this and add it to your burden. I'm sure you've had enough to cope with today. Would you believe that Alex and Mark were friends...close friends? They...they dated a few times before Mark became bedridden."
"I...I had no idea. But, if they were friends and IF there is a heaven or afterlife, they must be together right now, looking down on the two of us." David said, comforting Thad while choking back a tear of his own.
"Do you believe there IS an afterlife?"
"I've had my doubts, but right now, I'm hoping there IS."
"David, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna radio into my commander and tell him I've got a stomach bug or something and can't finish my shift. I...I don't think I could arrest any criminals tonight."
"I...I understand."
He left David alone under the canopy as he went back to his car to contact his squad leader. David felt sorry for Thad...and for himself...and for Chris, who now had two young deaths to contend with. David's mind raced---'Had anything physical happened between his brother and Alex? Could Alex have contracted hepatitis C from Mark? Was Alex's overdose a suicide?' No immediate answers came to mind and David realized suddenly and finally that there would never be any answers; Alex and Mark had taken the truth with them when they died.
Earlier that day at Steve's when he first met Chris, David had felt fascinated by the young gay priest. But now, though having said less than a dozen words to Thad, he suddenly felt a stronger bond or attachment to Thad since they had both experienced a common tragedy in their lives. David felt a sudden surge of guilty anger, sensing that he had a tinge of latent homophobia. He had known Mark was gay, but David realized he had always avoided contact or conversation with gays...as if they were something less than human. How stupid that sounded, but at least there was some saving truth to his self-discovery. He had become a friend to a gay priest today and now a gay detective. Neither were effeminate or 'faggy', in lieu of a better word. They were normal acting guys...like the straight guys he'd always hung around with. God! His perception of gays WAS biased...AND stupid! Surely, without being aware of it, his dad's hatred toward Mark and toward gays in general had had some influence on David's assessment. He suddenly hated his father even more for the way his father had treated Mark. David hadn't seen much in the past eighteen hours, but his eyes were now opened wider to Mark's world...a world that had always been totally foreign to David and now he longed to learn more.
Chris came out of the ER entrance at the same time Thad returned to David from making his call-off to work.
"Father, you blessed Alex?" Thad asked somberly.
"Yes, Thad," Chris replied. "The little troubled loved one is at peace now."
"Thanks."
"Thad, would you like to go somewhere and talk?" Chris asked.
"No. I know I should, but I have to deal with my anger! I swear to God, I could beat him to death! That sounds dumb, but that's how I feel!", Thad raged.
"In that case, I think I should take David back to Steve's. I'm sure he's exhausted."
"No, Chris, if you don't mind. I'll like to stay and be with Thad for a while," David said. Then he turned to Thad. "Would you mind some company? I promise not to talk if you don't want it."
Thad was silent for a few moments and finally said, "You know, I think I'd like that."
Chris sensed that an instant bond had formed between the two grief-stricken victims and thought it might help both of them to spend some time together.
"Would you like to be alone...or would you want me to join you?" Chris asked. "Frankly, summing up the situation, it might be better if it were just you two. Thad, could you take David back to Steve's when he's ready?"
"What?...Oh, oh, yeah, sure."
"Then I'll be off to begin my pre-breakfast chores for early meal delivery."
"You deliver three meals a day to your...your...I don't know what you call them?" David inquired.
"My friends," Chris smiled sadly. "No, usually one meal per day, but some get a big breakfast, some lunch, and others a big meal at the end of the day. Money, food, staff, and transportation would never allow me to offer three-meals-per-day as I would like."
"Then I can expect to see you sometime tomorrow"? David asked.
"I'll call you around noon and then I'll pick you up and we can do whatever you decide concerning Mark's arrangements...and Thad, I'll see you tomorrow and see what's to be done about Alex. He DOES have a brother in Chattanooga. He should be notified and involved with Alex's arrangements as well."
"Thanks, Father. I'll see if I can contact his brother in the morning."
"I'll say goodnight then and tell you you'll both be in my prayers tonight. I know both of you are hurting because I'm hurting deeply inside, myself."
"Goodnight, Father, and thanks", Thad said, hugging Chris.
"'Night, Thad."
"Me, too, Chris. Thanks for dinner and the show...and thanks for many things which we'll talk about later." David said, as he hugged Chris. Then Chris went to his car and drove away.
There was moment of awkward silence between David and Thad as they were left alone. Two total strangers, each knowing nothing about the other even while sharing such a common bond.
"Thad, I've only been in Atlanta one day and don't know anything about this city, but would you like to go somewhere for coffee or a drink?" David said, breaking the silence.
"Yeah, yeah, I suppose we could," Thad replied. "Would you...would you rather have coffee or something stronger?"
"I'll have whichever you want."
"Would you feel uncomfortable going to my place? It's not far from here and it's a helluva lot more private than some midnight restaurant."
"Sounds like a good idea." David agreed.
"Then if either of us wants to slam our fists into a wall or bawl our eyes out, it'll only be the two of us to see it. Come on, get in the car. I'm not supposed to have riders, but if I ask you to ride in the backseat, I'll have to put handcuffs on you." This was the closest either one of them had come to a light joking remark all night.
"I can hide in the floorboard of the front seat if that'll help matters," David chimed in.
"Hell, no! You might bob up your head at a traffic light and some shithead will think you're on your knees giving me a blow job!"
'Damn! I completely forgot Thad was gay!' David thought. 'I only hope he can sense I'm straight! Oh, Jesus! He knew Mark was gay. What if he thinks I am too and invited me to his house for, well, for another purpose.'
"Then if someone thinks that, it'll be a first for me!" David said, hoping Thad would catch his drift that he had not and NEVER would give anyone a blow job.
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When David went inside Thad's apartment, it was if he had had entered yet another world...a world set deep in the past, circa 1940. Whether it was Thad's intent to fit the image of an Elmore Leonard sleuth, the decor of the three-room dwelling was dark, gloomy, as if some movie set director had decorated it for an old Mickey Spillane detective flick, complete with slipcovers over the sofa (in this case, a divan), table-lamps with plain brown shades, similar to old wrapping paper. The drapes were dingy as if they had been hanging on the windows for forty or fifty years. It was obvious that Thad seldom, if ever, entertained guests. The room gave off a damp mildew aroma and the entire place exuded a feeling of dark mystery which caused David to shiver.
"Make yourself at home," Thad said, "while I go rustle us up a couple of drinks."
Home? This was Thad's home? It suddenly aroused David's curiosity about Thad's rugged personality. It was a far cry from the image David had of 'gay digs'. David sat down on the sofa and instantly felt a coiled spring trying to force its way through the slipcover and into his ass. He instantly was relieved of his fear at possibly being invited here for Thad's folly. Probably Thad had never invited anyone over for sex, fun, or games. David felt uneasy but still relaxed somewhat, knowing he was not going to be the object of Thad's physical affection...not here and not now.
"Thanks," David managed to reply.
"Name your poison!"
"Pardon?"
"Scotch, bourbon, gin, vodka...?"
"OH, sorry, I...I've been drinking vodka most of the evening, so I guess I'd better stick to that 'poison'..."
"I DO have Vermouth, if you'd like a martini. I'm not much of a bartender, but I can finagle a pretty good one. I...I don't have any olives, but I do have a jar of pimentos in the fridge I bought to make pimento cheese."
"No, just a plain martini...no garnish necessary."
"Dry or wet?"
"Don't laugh, but when I moved out of my parents' house and was able to drink on my own, it took me a while to conquer the evil of vodka, so I used to make a 'reverse' martini...all Vermouth with a splash of vodka. I was used to white wine and I learned to like Vermouth with a bit of vodka."
"That's a new one for me. Never heard of anyone doing that before. I don't have many visitors so my bartending is plain and simple unless I'm invited to someone else's house for the evening. The guys I visit are all into Mimosas or some other faggoty drinks." David was once again surprised by Thad's choice of words...'faggoty'? Wasn't Thad gay?
"If I were to guess," David added, making conversation, "I'd say you're a bourbon man."
"Right on...bourbon all the way...Jim Beam or Jack Daniels. How did you guess?"
"It seemed to fit your personality."
"Oh? You've known me for only a few minutes and you've already pegged my personality?"
"Everyone forms a first impression, doesn't he? Your being a detective, I'm sure you've formed one about me."
"In spite of the fact that you're the spitting image of Mark, I can definitely see you're quite different, personality-wise."
"How, for instance?"
"Well, for starters, you're not gay. You might be a bit gay-friendly or bi-curious, but definitely not a patriotic friend of Dorothy's."
"You got me! What's a 'friend of Dorothy's'?"
"I take it back, you may not be gay-friendly or bi-curious at all if you're not familiar with that expression. Gays are known to be Judy Garland fans...you remember, 'Dorothy' in the 'Wizard of Oz'?"
"I should have been able to figure that out."
"My age group were friend's of Dorothy's and friends of Fanny's..."
"Barbra Streisand?...That one I got!"
"Do you like her?"
"My mom does."
"Would you like me to put on an LP?"
"Sure...a quiet one. It might help to relax both of us."
"I'm afraid I don't have a CD player...don't want one. My boss has even threatened...jokingly, to fire me because I refuse to own a cell-phone."
"That's funny because I don't own one either."
"Then, besides our grief, we DO have something in common."
"Speaking of grief...I...I'm so sorry about Alex."
"Your loss is as great as mine...probably greater. Mark was your brother for almost twenty years."
"We...we have been distant for the past two years."
"Since Mark had that 'problem' with your dad?"
"You knew about that?"
"Everyone who knew Mark knew that your dad had dismissed him from his house."
"Thad, did you know Mark well?"
"Are you asking if I KNEW him or if I'd ever gone to bed with him? I'm sure Father Chris warned you I was gay before he allowed you to come over here."
"Chris mentioned something briefly after we met you at the restaurant. I..I'm sorry but I...I really didn't believe that you were. I thought perhaps he was joking."
"You mean because I don't dress gay or wear my hair gay...or whatever that means..."
"I'm afraid my impression of gay men is more like what I've seen on 'Will And Grace'...or once I did watch an episode of 'Queer Eye' on Bravo. It seems I've been on a quest to learn more about gays since I found out about Mark. But my education is second-hand---picked up from books, TV shows, a few movies."
"You must have a sordid impression then. Television only shows the flamboyant side of gay life. JUST once, I wish to God, some producer had to balls to show the other side. Did you ever watch 'NYPD Blue'?"
"Every Tuesday night for years."
"Bill Brochtrup, who played the squad assistant, is gay in real life and he had nothing more to do on the show than say, 'Detective, you've got three new messages.' or 'Can I get you a cup of coffee?' They thought they were being brave using a gay character. That was a load of bullshit! Why the fuck didn't they write Mark-Paul Gosselaar's character gay and let him take his clothes off and show his butt in bed with another guy? Why can't one fucking doctor on ER be a good old fashioned cocksucker? No, they only show gays as faggots...not like the majority of us. You know how many cops we have on the Atlanta force who are gay? The number would shake the downtown capitol dome. I'm gay and proud of it! I don't give a shit who knows. When I go out on a call to make a bust or an arrest, I don't use a purse to hit my perp over the head. He knows he's been collared by a real man...who just happens to love male sex."
"I think I know what you mean," David said, "I'm afraid my concept of gays has been limited to the stereotypes you talked about. Maybe it's time someone was brave enough to paint a true picture...show us what it's like to be gay and still look 'regular'."
"Regular?"
"Sorry, it was a poor choice of a word, but I think you know what I'm talking about."
"'It's okay, 'regular' is better than most adjectives. I'm sorry I got so wound up on that subject...I was about to state whether I'd slept with Mark...if you're still interested...?"
"It's not important--unless it's something you want me to know."
"I'll be candid with you, David. It's not like I didn't want to go to bed with Mark. Shit! I used to dream about him as I lay in that room over there, jerking off while thinking about him. Lord knows, not that I didn't try. I'm sure Mark was attracted to me physically...damn, he was a sexual dream to me! I guess you don't know much about Mark's sex life..."
"Little to none..."
"Mark had this thing...a personal thing...he wouldn't go to bed with anyone just for sex! He had to really care about his partner...practically had to be in love with a guy before the guy could get to first base with Mark. When I first met Mark, I wanted him immediately, but that wasn't for him. He didn't know me well enough to feel anything for me back then...so I had to wait until the time was right...when he DID feel something for me. That didn't stop me, though. I saw him a lot...spoke to him...talked with him...stopped by to see him...and after a while, we became friends... good friends. We had gone past the sexual attraction stage...at least on his part. I...I became you, I guess...his big brother...who knows?...maybe even a dad for him."
"So you're saying that you and Mark never..."
"Nope...not once! Of course, later, when he found out about his hep C, I guess it was just as well we didn't have sex. I used to think that he'd known all along and kept putting me off for fear he would infect me. That was another way he showed me love...or at least, I'd like to think that!"
"Can I ask you about Alex?"
"Yeah...sure! What do you want to know?"
"You...uh...loved him?"
"Yes, damn it! But not the way you think!"
"You...you had sex with him, didn't you?"
"Lots of it...GOOD sex! The kid was insatiable and I couldn't get enough of him."
"So? What was the problem?"
"You...you just heard what I called him--'the kid'....Alex was a kid. I...I loved him like he was a kid...but there was more than just age that kept us from being real lovers."
"Like what?"
"In certain ways, we were on the opposite side of the law."
"You mean, Alex's drug use...?"
"For starters, yeah. I wanted to see him get off the shit. I thought we had beat his addiction until a few days ago...and now, tonight...God! I swear if he weren't dead, I'd beat him to death for doing what he did."
There was an awkward silence between them. David didn't know how to respond to Thad's last remark although he knew the reason behind it. Thinking it over, Thad was sorry he'd made such a statement...it was cruel, a bit insane, but totally honest. He broke the tension by saying, "Damn! Where are my thoughts? What's wrong with me? I invite you over for a drink and all I've done is stand here talking! Let me go fix them!"
"Thad, on second thought, maybe I'll skip the hard liquor. Do you have a Coke or something in your refrigerator?"
"Yeah, DIET Coke, it that'll do!"
"Great!"
"I still want a drink though."
"Please go ahead. I've already had a couple to help me settle down. Fix yourself something to do likewise..."
Thad scurried to the kitchen to get a canned Coke and an empty glass which he handed David. The glass needed to be washed. It looked as if Thad must've drunk milk from it sometime earlier and instead of washing it with dish liquid, he'd apparently rinsed it out and let it milk residue on the sides of the glass dry. Rather than make an issue of it, David took the can, popped the lid, and drank from it...'like a man'.
Thad poured a triple shot of Jim Beam in another 'dirty' glass and returned to the living room to join David on the divan. David had been surveying the room during Thad's brief absence and had come to the conclusion that Thad must lead a sparse, lonely life. Everything in sight was badly in need of dusting or scrubbing. David wiped a finger across the end table nearest him and collected an abundance of dusty dirt just as Thad reentered.
"David, I...I must apologize for my lack of housekeeping."
David realized he had been caught inspecting the dust. He quickly put his hand in his pocket to clean his soiled finger.
"I...I imagine you don't have much time for household chores...being so busy on the job and all..."
"I guess you think my place is a dump...well, it IS. I sleep, eat, and shit here and the only recreation I ever indulge in is an occasional cop show on TV. No one ever sees the place except me...so I just look at the dirt and say, 'what the hell' and ignore it."
"I understand. I'm pretty much of a slob myself in my dorm room. I suppose that's rebellion towards my mom. She made Mark and me keep our rooms almost antiseptic, germ-free. Our whole house was spotless. When I moved away to college, if I wanted to drop my trousers and briefs in a pile after I took them off, I did. I let them lie there. I don't have a roommate this semester, so the only time it ever gets cleaned is when Jenny comes by."
"Jenny, your fiancée?"
"Yes."
"Any plans on getting married soon?"
"Probably, but I have grad school after I get my degree."
"Oh? What's your major?"
"I...I have two majors...history and literature..."
"With the idea of becoming...?"
"I want to teach...either in high school or college."
"I got my degree in criminology at Rutgers University."
"In New Jersey?"
"That's the place."
"Then why...?"
"Why did I wind up in Georgia?" Thad asked. David nodded. "Southerners think slower...they also MOVE slower...the crooks are easier to catch."
"Are you kidding me?"
"Some...but not much."
"Jersey is much like New York...so fucking crowded with no where to go but up. I wanted to be a detective where things were more spread out. I even thought about Montana or Utah...of course, we KNOW there's no crime in Utah, not with all those fuckin' Mormons. They don't break the law...they MAKE it to excuse their own actions and hinder anyone else from doing wrong things."
"You're Catholic?"
"Since birth...but not a very good one now. I mean, I still go to Father Chris' mass, although he only assists Father Tom, the head priest."
"Was Alex Catholic?"
"Father Chris baptized him about a year ago...hoping that religion would influence him against drugs and God knows what else!"
"If his brother in Chattanooga agrees, are you...are...will he have a Catholic funeral? I know you haven't had time to give that any thought."
"More than likely. Have you decided what to do about Mark yet?"
"Thad, it's the toughest decision I've ever had to make. I'm leaning toward having him cremated."
"Would your folks approve?"
"Probably not, but hell, they don't even know Mark's dead. I don't think Dad would care even if he found out."
"Mark didn't hate your dad in case you're wondering. He had all the reason in the world to hold a grudge, but even so, he didn't. He actually wanted to make up with him... especially after he found out he was sick."
"God! How I wish I had known he was sick."
"Medically speaking, there was nothing you could have done. All that could be done WAS done."
"But I could have been here to love him and care for him. That's what makes me feel so guilty and empty."
"I...I even asked Mark if I could call you and he refused. He said you had your own life with your girl. He claimed that neither you or he had ever had much happiness at home and if you had found peace with your 'Jenny', to leave you alone and not fuck up your life with his problem."
Thad's words sank deeply into David's mind and for the first and only time all day, Mark felt the need to cry. He hadn't shed many tears even when he first saw Mark's frail body at the morgue, but hearing that Mark didn't want to upset David's life created a huge sadness in David. He placed the Coke can on the side table and covered his eyes to weep.
Thad was moved by David's actions and felt the need to comfort him, but hesitated for fear David would think it was a physical gay advance. Finally, Thad threw all caution to the wind and scooted closer to Mark on the sofa and stretched his arm around David's shoulder and drew David into his chest. David's crying became more audible and with his free hand, Thad placed it at the back of David's head and stroked his hair gently.
"Let it go, buddy!" Thad whispered. "Let it all out! It's good to cry. You NEED to cry."
Thad's words only made David sob more strongly, deep wails that shook Thad's chest. David put both hands behind Thad's back and grasped Thad's shirt tightly in his fists and Thad held David tighter as he, too, felt the need to cry for his loss of Alex, even as he forced himself to restrain his need for personal relief. However his denial of emotional outlet delivered Thad into the hands of his need for sexual love, while his professional training led him to examine his true feelings for the man in his arms. He respected--no, he already CARED for and respected this man too much to offend him.
"Hey, hey, we're letting our emotions get the best of us. I'm mean, you're you and I'm...skip it!" Thad said, pushing David away gently. "We'd better not do this."
Easing himself away from Thad, David replied, "I...I guess this was just a night for hugging. I...hugged Steve at his place, then I saw Chris hug you at the hospital. I...I guess I felt it was my turn."
"I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea, David, that's all."
"I didn't. I wouldn't have done it if I'd had any reservations. I will admit I'm not used to holding a man in my arms. Thinking back, I can't remember ever giving Mark a hug...and now I'm fucking sorry. Our dad never gave either of us any display of emotion other than the back of a hairbrush when we were small kids...later the hairbrush was replaced by his three-inch-wide belt."
"I've never given a second thought about hugging any man, straight or gay. I used to watch the old gladiator movies and all the muscle-types embraced each other before a battle."
"When I was doing my private research at the university library, I did read quite a bit about Alexander the Great."
"Ah, that rascal had a whole slew of boyfriends."
"So I learned."
"David, I know it's getting late and you must be ready to drop in your tracks. So why don't I take you back to Steve's so that you can get some rest? Father Chris will be by to see you in the morning and I know you have a lot to do about Mark's arrangements and all."
"What about you? Are you going to call off work tomorrow?"
"At the moment, I'm thinking, probably 'yes'."
"Thad, rather than putting you to the trouble of driving me across Atlanta to Steve's, would it be too much of a imposition if I just slept here on your couch?"
"Jesus, you're a braver man than I am. I can hardly sit on this fucking thing without getting stabbed in the butt with a loose coil. Frankly, I don't think you'd get much rest on this couch."
"Perhaps you're right."
Thad hesitated and finally blurted out, "Of course I do have a brand new queen-size mattress on my bed. That's the one luxury I afford myself...a good bed to get lots of rest when I come home from work."
"You'd be willing to share it with me?"
"Hell, yes, if you're not afraid of sleeping with a queer detective. I...I know you're straight, but believe me, I'd never make a move on you. I'd even put my gun on the side table so that if you thought I was getting fresh, you could shoot me."
David laughed. "I don't think that will be necessary. Strangely enough, I...I trust you."
"You have nothing to worry about...and NO ONE is gonna know that we slept in the same bed."
"I'm not worried about people knowing...I doubt if I'll ever see Chris or Steve again, after I go home. There's no one I have to answer to except myself...and maybe Jenny, but she sure as heck won't know if I spent the night here."
"OK, buddy, if you're game..."
"I am, Thad, I am."
"Listen, would you like to shower first?"
"Is that a hint?"
"Ah, no! It's just that..."
"I thought maybe you'd got a whiff of my b.o. and didn't want to sleep with it."
"Shit, I probably smell worse than you...not that you DO smell!"
"Then, yes, I would like to shower."
"I'll get you a towel. My razor is in the shower with some shave creme, some shampoo, and conditioner if you like."
"I like."
"The bathroom is in there...go turn on the hot tap and get undressed and I'll throw you a towel."
"Thanks!"
Thad quickly added, "And I promise NOT to look!"
Again, David laughed, "I don't care if you look or not. It's not like I'm trying to hide my breasts or my vagina. We're both men and it won't bother me if it doesn't bother you."
"I don't know...it just might." Thad said, looking sternly, before breaking into a huge grin. "I'm kidding and I hope you knew it!"
"I did."
"Now, go on..."
David left the living room (that was living?) and went into the bathroom. There was no light switch on the bathroom wall...no fluorescent fixtures beside the wooden medicine cabinet. There was only a black electrical cord hanging from the ceiling with a socket, a naked 100 watt bulb, and an old-fashioned turn on switch on the side of the metallic socket. David was surprised that there WAS a shower head above the bathtub...a new Waterpik massage with adjustable water controls. Apparently, a good mattress wasn't Thad's only household luxury. David took time to pee in the toilet, put down the lid, took off his clothes and placed them on the toilet and stepped into the steaming hot spray. God, how good it felt! He turned the showerhead to maximum massage and let the water pound on the back of his neck and shoulders. This was the first time today that he had felt relaxed. He closed his eyes and tried to forget everything that had happened to him since his phone call in Virginia. The shower was wonderful. He would have liked to stay under the pounding spray for at least an hour, but he didn't know what size water-heater Thad owned and if Thad wanted to shower after he was finished, David decided to cut the shower short, just in case...
David soaped his entire body. He used regular soap to lather his face before shaving, followed by shampooing his hair. David had never used a conditioner, so he skipped that treatment. Finally, he was finished, turned off the water, pulled back the shower curtain and stepped out of the tub onto the bare floor, as there was not bath mat in sight. The door opened and Thad entered, carrying a fresh white towel.
"Sorry, the towel was late, but I had a phone call and I..."
"That's OK. The shower was great."
David was standing stark naked in front of the gay detective and he didn't bother to cover any of his private parts with his hands. He stood there as if he had no fear, nothing to hide from Thad.
Whether one is gay or straight, when one sees a naked person in front of him, it's only natural to give the whole body the once-over and Thad did just that. He looked at David from head-to-toe, his eyes stopping at the mid-section and genitals, which again was the natural thing to do. Thad couldn't believe what he saw. David had a slightly older version of Mark's face, but David's body was nothing like Mark's frail torso. David hadn't mentioned whether he played sports or worked out at a gym, but his body was breathtaking to Thad. David possessed a set of nicely firm pectorals, wash-board abs, not as pronounced as a bodybuilder but still well defined, and a beautiful treasure trail leading downward to a heavy bushed dark pubic region and a very impressive penis and balls. Mark was built nothing like David, even before he became ill. David could see that Thad's face was suddenly flushed when Thad stared at him.
"Am I embarrassing you?" David asked.
Thad was flustered when he replied, "No...it's just...well, yes, I...no, hell no! I just didn't expect you to look...the way you do without clothes."
"Is that a compliment?"
"Hell, yes...you're...you're a great loss to a lot of gay fantasies. Shit! Why did I say that?"
David laughed as he took the towel and began drying his hair. "I guess I'm flattered. No man has ever said that to me before."
"I can imagine...but your girl, Jenny...she must get a charge from seeing you naked."
"Actually, she's never said anything about it."
"She has seen you...I mean, you two do have..."
"Lots of times, but we just do things without narrative comments."
"Maybe it's time someone told you how...how masculine, for want of a better word, you look."
"You didn't expect to find a vagina between my legs, did you?" David asked, jokingly.
"Shit! I've already said too much," Thad replied awkwardly. "Turn around and I'll dry your back."
"You sure?"
"Don't worry! I said your 'back', not your butt!"
David turned around obligingly while Thad took the towel and began pushing the loose droplets of water from the back of David's hairline over his shoulders, down the back of his arms to his hands, then returning to David's back to softly rub the running water from his neck to the back of his waist.
"I learned in the marines to always dry from the top to the bottom," Thad added. "It saves a lot of time, energy, and keeps your towel drier."
"I'd never thought about that, but it makes sense," David said.
"Now I'll stop and you can dry from your waist on down."
"Would you mind doing it?"
David couldn't see the expression on Thad's face, but Thad looked puzzled as if to say, 'Is this guy pulling me leg or trying to get me excited?' Then, verbally, Thad said, "I...I don't mind if it doesn't bother you."
"I told you I trust you, Thad."
"Thanks," Thad replied as he continued pushing the water over David's butt cheeks, down to his thighs, calves, and ankles. David cooperated by raising one foot for Thad to complete his task and finally, the other foot. "The front is all yours."
If David could see the bulge he had caused to rise in Thad's pants, Thad would have run out the door like a kid who'd just stolen a handful of video games from Blockbuster. To hide his embarrassing dilemma, Thad turned his back to David and faced the lavatory where he quickly grabbed his toothbrush and began to scrub his teeth without toothpaste.
None of Thad's 'back-drying' procedures had effected David sexually in the slightest. His penis was still as flaccid as when he had stepped out of the bathtub. He turned around to face Thad's back and asked, "Now I dry my front the same way? Pushing ALL the water from top to bottom to my feet?"
"That's the way the marines do it."
David began the downward strokes with the towel from his shoulders to his chest, his pelvis, the front of his thighs, and he bent forward to reach his lower legs and feet. Thad was using his last ounce of willpower trying not to get one more peek at his naked guest while looking into the dingy medicine cabinet mirror.
"There! Ready for inspection, sir!" David said, dropping the towel and giving Thad a salute with his right hand over his right eyebrow and standing at attention.
Thad did NOT want to turn and look, fearful that David might feel Thad's real desire, but since David had made such a point of it, Thad decided to play along with the 'game' he'd started. He put down his toothbrush and turned to face his nude visitor. Thad walked closer to David and grabbed David's right ear as if to inspect its backside.
"That one looks pretty clean," Thad said, assuming the voice of a marine sergeant. "Now let me see the other one." Thad repeated his action with David's left ear. "Pretty good, Private. Raise your chin and let me have a look at your neck." David obeyed. "Not bad! I see no signs of ring around the collar! You passed inspection!" Thad said, turning to walk away.
"Sarge!" David cried out, "What about the rest of me?"
Fearing his little game would get out of hand, but mostly because Thad had sprung another boner, Thad refused to turn around and replied, "From what I saw, you did a splendid job from your neck down."
"Thank you, SIR!" David exclaimed.
"Now, if you'll just wait here, I'll go to my bureau and get your some fresh underwear. I think we're about the same size."
"That would be great, Thad."
"I...I don't want you sleeping bareassed next to me."
"I guess that's not a very good idea..." David said.
Thad walked out of the bathroom and returned in a couple of minutes with a clean t-shirt and a pair of khaki colored boxer shorts. "Here! These should do the trick."
"Thanks, Thad, they'll be just fine."
Thad turned again to walk out of the room while David donned the underwear. David stopped him by asking, "Are you going to shower, too?"
"I hadn't planned on it," Thad replied, "I usually shower the first thing when I get up."
"All right."
Thad stuck his head back into the doorway and asked, almost timidly, "Do you think I SHOULD shower?"
"No, heavens, no!"
"I mean, if you think I stink...I certainly wouldn't want MY b.o. to keep YOU awake."
"Thad, I'm sorry I asked if you were going to shower. I feel as if I'm imposed a situation on you...one that I shouldn't've."
"Ah, hell!" Thad exclaimed. "A quick rinse won't hurt."
"I just hope I didn't use up all the hot water."
"I shower with cold water...never turn on the hot. It exhilarates me first thing in the morning. Makes my vim and vigor rise."
"But you're not trying to wake up, you're showering before you go to sleep. Won't that keep you awake?"
"Nah, nothing keeps me awake."
David had finished putting on the shirt and shorts which Thad had given him, and he reached to pick up the clothes he had deposited on the toilet lid. "I'll go in there and let you have your privacy."
Thad wasn't used to being put on the defensive, especially by another guy, but with the raging hard on in his pants, and knowing that his soon-to-be bed partner was straight, it was a relief to shut the bathroom door to hide his embarrassing secret. He also knew that he would have to masturbate at least twice before going to bed to avoid any potential problem.
Thad removed his clothes and got into the cold shower. David walked around Thad's apartment, not being nosey, but just to get better acquainted with his host. Thad had a gold framed picture beside his bed. David assumed the two people in the photo were Thad's parents. Beside the picture was a jar of Vaseline and three torn empty condom wrappers. On the floor beside the right hand side of the bed was a stack of male magazines. David sat on the side of the bed and began to thumb through a copy of 'Blue Boy'. It was filled with pictures of young men...about Mark's age...all naked and some in various states of sexual activities...oral and anal. This was a first for David as he had never seen anything other than naked women in magazines...occasionally with a male model who was fucking her. Men or boys actually did it the same way as straight couples. It had never occurred to David to insert anything up his rectum. The thought of if seemed painful to him...and by the expression on some of the boys, it appeared to be as painful to them. 'God! How can they take it?' David wondered as he kept turning to the next page...and the next.
Thad, in the meanwhile, had already reached his first climax in the shower. He paused to shampoo his hair before beginning his second attempt. David would never know, but Thad fantasized about what he had seen when David was standing naked before him. Had David been gay or even gay-curious, Thad, under normal circumstances, would have dropped to his knees and swallowed the big rod dangling between David's thighs. Mark's cock couldn't compare with his older brother's in length or girth. The first few times, Mark had refused Thad's advances, Thad had returned home to fantasize about the young man all night long...and now, less than fifteen feet away from him, was Mark's brother...bigger...wider...and about to sleep in his bed with him. Thad suddenly decided that two jerk-offs would not be enough, the matter at hand would take at least three or maybe four before he could go to bed beside the handsome hetero.
Assuming that Thad must sleep on the same side of the bed as the magazines on the floor, David went to the opposite side and began the household chore of straightening the sheets, blanket, and bed spread. Next, he fluffed up both pillows and crawled into bed. Thad was right, this bed was heavenly. It had the tufted pad on top of the mattress and David's body indented into the foam and he felt as if he was lying on a cloud. 'Thad must be shaving,' David thought, 'he's taking an unusually long time in the shower!' If only David had known why...!
Another ten minutes passed as David lay in the bed waiting for Thad to come out of the bathroom. Finally he came into the bedroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist. He went to his bureau (probably described best as a chest of drawers) and got out a t-shirt and a pair of boxers, matching David's sleeping attire and put them on with his back turned to David. Not that David was really interested, perhaps a bit curious, but David saw none of Thad's male equipment as David had displayed his before Thad after his shower.
"Did the shower relax you?" David inquired.
"Pretty much."
"The water was cold?"
"Just a few degrees above ice water...just the way I like it."
"Brrr," David said, "Makes me shiver to think about it."
"How do you like the mattress?"
"It's fantastic!" David exclaimed. "I've never felt so comfortable."
"Glad you like it! It's my prize possession. I appreciate it even more after a hard night of playing cops and robbers on the Atlanta streets."
"If this mattress were mine, I'd have trouble getting out of bed every morning. I'd hate to leave it."
"I feel pretty much the same way about it. When I leave for work, I never know what's gonna happen. Is someone gonna take a shot at me? Am I gonna have to shoot someone...?"
"From recent happenings, it's almost as dangerous to teach in high schools."
"Fuckin' gun laws! I wish to hell every asshole in Washington that voted against the Brady bill had to wear bulletproof vests when they went to work and get some idea how dangerous it is for the rest of us. Assault weapons legal? I just don't get it!"
"I don't either."
"Hey, you about ready to go to sleep? If you are, I'll switch off the light and join you in bed."
"Sure."
The bedroom did have a wall switch. Thad clicked it and the room was suddenly pitch black, the darkness almost palpable. David hadn't noticed there being no window in the bedroom. He heard Thad make six or seven steps in the dark before his weight settled on that side of the bed.
"Oh, by the way, I forgot to ask...do you want my gun on your nightstand?"
"Do you think I'll need it?" David joked.
"I've never attacked anyone in my sleep before...but there's always a first time for everything."
"I...I'll take my chances. If you DO attack me, that'll be a first time for both of us."
Thad lay down in bed. The mattress was wide enough so that nearly two feet of space separated him from David.
"God, this feels good," Thad sighed.
"Thanks for letting me stay..." David replied.
"I figured you'd be a hell of a lot more comfortable here than at Steve's."
David didn't respond. He remained silent. Thad reached for the sheet, blanket, and bed spread and pulled it close to his neck and turned his back away from David.
"Well, good night..." Thad said.
"Night, Thad...and thanks again."
"Don't mention it!"
David rolled over to face the opposite wall to go to sleep. His day had been long and tiring. He felt completely safe being in bed with Thad, his first gay bed-partner. The two of them slept soundly for four hours...3:00 AM when Thad suddenly awoke to discover David had moved to his side of the bed and had put his arm over Thad's waist and in his sleep, David was trying to merge his body with the back of Thad's. Now Thad was wide awake. What should he do? Awaken David and embarrass him or was David really asleep? Either way, the situation caused Thad to get an early start of morning wood. He should have jacked off ONE more time! Thad thought about how he was going to go back to sleep???
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(To be continued in "As I Remember Him" chapter four.)