Zack and Jay
Chapter 3
Author: Lone Wolf
I can hear beeping coming from nearby and the whispers of what sounds like two people; one male, and the other female. I can also hear rhythmic whooshing sounds, not sure what they are. 'God, my throat hurts', I think to myself. I open my eyes, and try to focus. I can see bright lights above me, and nothing else. I blink my eyes a few times trying to clear them, and let them adjust to the light. I see two people standing near by and try calling to them, but I can't. There is something in my mouth and it seems to be going down my throat.
The female notices that my eyes are open, and says, "Doctor?" He turns to her from the machine he's been watching and she adds, "He's awake."
He turns to me and smiles and comes to the side of the bed I'm lying in. "Welcome back to the land of the living." I try to talk again, but he stops me and says, "Don't try and talk, there is a tube down your throat that is helping you breathe. Now that you're awake; I think we can get rid of that, though. Nurse, would you give me a hand extubating him?"
She nods to him and walks over to the side of the bed and disconnects the tube running into my mouth from the tube running to the machine making the whooshing sound. I now realize that I wasn't breathing on my own, the machine had been breathing for me. The doctor turns the machine off then comes to the bed and takes the place where the nurse had been standing. He leans over me and says, "When I say to I want you to take a deep breath and hold it, then when I say to, I want you to blow it out as fast and hard as you can. Ok?"
I nod my head, still unable to talk.
He removes the strap holding the tube in place, and grasps the end of the tube protruding from my mouth. And tells me to take a deep breath and hold it. I inhale as deeply as I can and he plugs the end of the tube with his thumb. "Are you ready?" He asks. I nod again. And he says, "Blow!" I blow the air out of my lungs as hard as I can and feel the tube slide up my throat and out of my mouth. I cough uncontrollably for a few minutes, then the coughing fit dissipates, and I finally catch my breath.
I try to talk again, but find my throat hurts so badly I can only whisper. The doctor leans over the bed to hear me as I whisper, "I'm thirsty; can I have something to drink?"
"A little water won't hurt. Nurse would you please get Zack, some water?" She nods and leaves the room.
"What happened?" I ask him a little loader this time.
"Well Zach; you're a very sick young man. Your appendix ruptured and you had to have emergency surgery to remove it and clean up your abdominal cavity. You were having trouble breathing on your own so we had to intubate you. And you've been on mega doses of antibiotics and other medications to kill the infection and other toxins that leaked into your body. You're very lucky to still be alive." He explains to me.
"How long have I been out?" I ask him.
"You were brought in early Saturday morning by ambulance, and it is now Thursday evening, so; five and a half days." He says.
"Oh my God; I can't believe it. Where's Jay?" I ask him.
He nods towards the corner of the room, and says, "He must be a very special friend. He hasn't left your side for more than ten minutes sense you were brought in."
I turn in the direction he nodded and see Jay sleeping in a chair, turn back to the doctor with tears in my eyes and say, "Yeah, he is a very special friend."
The nurse returns to the room with a small container and glass and pours me some water.
I ask the nurse, "Would you please wake Jay up for me?"
"Of course." She says, and walks over to where Jay is sitting and shakes him lightly.
He jerks awake startled and asks, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. Zack's asking for you." She responds.
He looks over at me, jumps up, and nearly runs the five feet to my bedside.
"We'll leave you two alone for a few minutes. But Zack, you really need to get some rest." The doctor says and he and the nurse leave the room.
"Thank God, I thought I'd lost you." Jay says to me.
"Not a chance, I will never leave you." I tell him tears leaking from my eyes. "Are my parents here?" I ask him.
"Yeah, they went down to the cafeteria a little while ago to get something to eat. They should be back any minute now."
Just then I hear Mom yell, "Zack, you're awake! Thank God!" My parents are now standing on the other side of my bed, Mom just about smothering me with hugs and kisses. We talk for a little while and as I can hardly keep my eyes open, my parents leave and head to the hotel they've been staying at.
Jay says, "I really should get going, too. You need to get some rest."
"Don't go, stay with me." I beg him.
"I'm not sure I can sleep in that chair another night." He almost whines.
"Who said anything about sleeping in the chair? I can slide over and you can sleep in bed with me." I tell him.
"What about the doctors and nurses?" He asks.
"Who cares, it's not like I'm feeling up to doing anything. I just don't want you to leave me. Ok?" I tell him.
"Alright, slide over." I carefully slide over and Jay climbs into bed with me, lying in the crook of my arm with his head resting on my chest. "I really thought I lost you there for a little while." He whispers to me.
"I'm sorry I scared you, but I'll make it up to you as soon as I can." I promise him and fall asleep.
I wake up, the room is dark, and Jay isn't in bed. "Jay?" I ask the darkness.
"I'll be right back; I just have to go to the bathroom." I hear him say as if from a distance.
I awaken when Jay returns to bed and curls up next to me. I quickly fall asleep again. The next time I wake up, the room is brightly lit from the sunlight pouring in through the windows. Jay is sitting on the foot of my bed talking quietly to my parents. He looks over at me and smiles. "Afternoon sunshine!" He jokes to me. I discover it is one o'clock in the afternoon. Crap I slept for about twenty hours, I can't believe it; I think to myself. The four of us talk for awhile and then Jay says, "I really should head over to the school and take a shower and change my clothes; these are just about standing on their own." He walks up to the head of my bed and adds, "I'll be back as soon as I can."
I grab his hand in mine and say, "Thank you for not leaving me here alone. I really appreciate it."
"Well, you can show me how much you appreciate it by getting better and getting your butt back to school." He jokes with me.
He starts to turn away, but I lightly pull on his hand, and say, "Come here, you're not leaving without giving me a kiss first." Embarrassed, he turns towards my parents and then back to me and gives me a questioning look. "Do you really think my parents haven't ever seen me kiss another guy? Well they have and it isn't a problem for them, come here!"
He bends over the bed and gives me a loving kiss, and whispers in my ear, "I love you! I'll be back as soon as I can. Bye."
"Bye." I say to him. He turns says, "See y' later." to me parents and leaves.
"So; what do you think of Jay?" I ask my parents.
"He's really nice, and I can tell, he cares a lot about you." Dad says.
Mom says, "I like him. Are you two being careful?"
"And what do you mean by that?" I ask her, knowing the answer.
"You know, are you using protection?" She asks.
"Mom, if you must know, we've only had sex once. He was a virgin, and I've only been with Josh and him, and I know Josh never cheated on me. So, no, we didn't use any protection." I explain to her.
"Alright, I was only looking out for you. So, you've only had sex once, how come? You've talked about him in your emails and when we've talked on the phone." She says to me.
I explain everything that happened, from the time of our motorcycle ride, to what happened last Saturday night. They tell me that they know about the fight that I had helped Dan break up, and that Dean Rogers wants to talk to me about that as soon as I feel up to it. We decide to wait a few days to schedule on appointment with him. And they also tell me that Chris has had a few surgeries and may need a few more, but it looks like he's going to make a full recovery. I'm relieved at that news. We continue talking until Jay comes back around five or so.
The four of us talk until an orderly brings me a light dinner and my parents head out to get something to eat. Jay runs down to the café and brings his food back to my room. We eat and talk, not really about anything, just having him there is enough for me.
I spend the next week in the hospital recovering from the ordeal, insisting that Jay go back and get caught up on his classes as Thanksgiving break is coming and don't want for him to fall even further behind. As I'm feeling better, my parents also leave that week having to get back to work after making Jay promise to help me get home for Thanksgiving; almost forcing him to my house over the week long break from school. But he doesn't seem to mind.
Finally the following Monday, the doctors release me from the hospital. I call Jay on his cell phone and let him know I can leave, and ask him when he can come get me.
"Well, my afternoon classes are done at two today, I should be able to be there by three, how's that?" He asks me.
"Sounds good, but you're probably going to have to bring my car. I don't think I can get into yours. I'm still pretty sore." I explain to him.
"Ok. But I don't know which car is yours. I've never been anywhere in it with you, and I've only seen you riding your bike." He responds.
Embarrassed I tell him, "It's the black 2007 Ford Mustang Cobra sitting in the lot, right in front of my dorm. Dan should be able to let you into my room so you can get my keys, I think they're laying on my computer desk." Then add," You can drive a stick, right?"
"Yes, I can drive a stick. And holy shit, I've noticed that car quite a few times and never thought it could be yours. I new you had one but that, that car is sweet."
"Thanks now hurry your ass up and come get me."
"I'll see you in a little while. I love you." He says.
Still unable to say it to him I say, "I'll see you in a little while, bye." And hang up.
He arrives right on time with clothes for me and helps me dress as it's still very painful to move much. I go through the process of leaving the hospital; getting all the medications the doctors want me to take, filling out some forms, signing others... And finally we're heading back to school with him driving.
He pulls into the lot, parks in my still empty spot, and gets out to help me. As he's walking around in front of the car he stops and pulls his cell phone from his pocket and takes a call. He talks for a minute then comes to the passenger door and helps me out. "What was the phone call about?" I ask him.
"You're just going to have to wait and see!" He teases me.
We walk in the front door of the dorm and down the short center hall to the elevator. He pushes the button and the doors open, we step in and he presses the button for the fourth floor. I feel the elevator starting its climb and then stop on my floor. The doors open and we step out into the hall to a thunderous applause. Everyone is standing in front of their rooms clapping, hooting, and hollering. As we walk down the hall to my room, I have my hand shook, clapped on the back, welcomed back, and thanked for what I did for Chris. It takes almost a half hour to make the short walk to my door. I turn back down the hall and thank them all for their kindness. I notice Gary standing there by himself, and as the guys head back to their rooms he comes toward us.
"Zack, can I talk to you for a minute?" He asks me.
"Sure come on in. Do you want to talk in private?" I ask him.
"No, Jay can hear what I've got to say. And if you feel the way I think you do about him. You're going to tell him anyways." He says to me.
Jay opens my door and we go inside. I gingerly sit on the edge of my bed and Jay sits next to me, Gary just stands in the middle of the room looking at us. After a few minutes he takes a deep breath and says, "Zack, I want to thank you for what you did for Chris. I really believe you saved his life. Those three assholes wouldn't have stopped until he was dead. We're both sophomores and started our relationship last year. We've managed to keep it from his asshole roommate until he found us together that night. He didn't say anything at first, and seemed alright with it. I had to get back to my room to finish up some work, and I guess he called a couple of his buddies and went ape shit on Chris. I think when they were done with him; they probably planned on coming after me too." He finished with tears running down his cheeks.
"Gary, how come you never told me that you're gay?" I ask him.
"I know how Chris' roommate responds every time he hears about someone being gay, so Chris and I just don't tell people. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, after how open you we're with me." He replies.
"Don't worry about it. It's water under the bridge. How is Chris doing?" I ask him.
"He's a lot better. He may still need another surgery, and they're talking about plastic surgery to try and repair some of the damage to his face. But he's in good spirits and can't wait to get back to school. Did you hear that his asshole of a roommate was actually wearing steal toed work boots?" He asks us. "They think he caused most of the damage to his face, and the internal injuries." He adds.
"Oh my God, how the fuck can people do something like that to another human being?" Jay asks.
"We all know that there will always be people out there that hate someone just because they're different in their eyes. Shit, look what our ancestors did to African Americans, and is still happening today, just because of the color of their skin. And what Hitler did to the Jews before and during World War Two, just because of their religion. And I guess gays, lesbians, and bisexuals are the new thing to hate, discriminate against, and try to eradicate from the world." I tell him.
"I know all that, but it just doesn't make any sense." Jay says, and we all agree with him. No, it doesn't. Gary stays for a little while talking and then has to go. I give him a hug and make sure that he keeps me posted on how Chris is doing, and he leaves.
Jay and I continue to talk for a while, and then head down to the commons to get something to eat. I still get tired easily and as I have an appointment with Dean Rogers in the morning we head back to my room and I call it a night. But Jay stays up working on some of his homework from the time he missed while he was away and from the time he had spent at the hospital with me.
The next morning I head over to the Admin Building for my appointment with Dean Rogers. I enter the building and tell the receptionist why I'm there. She shows me to his office and his secretary picks up the phone and says, "Zack Miller is here to see you sir. Yes sir, I'll send him right in." Then to me, "You can go right in." She points towards his door.
As I reach out to grasp the door handle it opens, and Dean Rogers shows me into his office shaking my outstretched hand. "Have a seat, Zack. This won't take to long."
Sitting, I say, "Sir, I'm not sure what I can add to the facts about the fight. From what everyone has told me, the whole story has already been told."
"Actually, that's not quite what I wanted to talk to you about. It does have to do with what happened, but there is more to it than that." He explains to me. "What I wanted to talk to you about is to see if you would be interested in teaching an unarmed self defense class so something like this never happens here again. I know that won't change the mentality of some people, but it would give some of the guys here a chance to at least protect themselves."
"Sir, that is a great idea, but I'm not sure it would be enough. Maybe the school could also sponsor a Gay/Straight alliance, to help support both the gay and lesbian population of the school, as well as help others understand what it is to be gay, give them the whole picture. And I believe that it would also help protect the gay and lesbian students if there are more eyes watching out for possible trouble. I support your idea, but would like the school to do more." I tell him.
"Well Zack, you've given me some food for thought. I will check into what you've proposed. I can't make any decision right now, I must talk with the Board before making a final decision and I'll let you know. But, I think that would be a great idea. And as for the class that I would want you to teach, the school will pay any startup costs, including purchasing any equipment that may be necessary, and give you a monetary payment each month. I would want you, if you agree, to make arrangements to suit yourself, not others. I don't want you getting yourself behind in school work to do this." He says.
I say, "That wouldn't be a problem. I would however have to find someone to help with the class; I think I know someone that would help. But I can't answer for him; I'll talk to him and see what he says. But, it will have to wait until I'm feeling better, maybe after the winter break?"
"I understand, and was thinking the same thing myself." We continue talking for a while about what we had in mind then he adds, "Zack, I've already taken the liberty of talking to your professors and I'm giving you the rest of the week off. You've been through hell the last two weeks, go home and recuperate there. You're teachers will email you your missed assignments and their student assistants will send transcripts of class lectures that you've missed so you can get caught up in your class work."
"That's very kind of you sir. That sounds really appealing." I reply, feeling suddenly homesick.
He adds, "I know that Jay Ferguson spent a lot of time with you at the hospital, and have also informed his teachers that he will be leaving early too."
"Thank you, sir that is very kind of you. I think we'll do just that." I say. I get up from the chair and shake his hand again and tell him that I will check into the class over the break. We say our goodbyes and I leave his office.
I head back out to the front of the Admin Building and find Jay standing in the reception area with a big grin on his face and holding a duffle bag. He Says, "I had to go back to my dorm and get a few things for my first class and checked my messages. This is so great; we get a free week off of class."
"Well, it's not actually free, we have to make up the assignments we're going to miss, and you've already missed three weeks. So don't think you're going to be spending the next two, screwing off at my house. You're taking your books with you and you're getting caught up in every one of your classes." I tell him.
"Yes, 'Professor Zack' I'll be good, and get caught up." He jokes. We make the short walk back to my dorm and head up so I can pack a bag for the two weeks at home. "So whose car are we taking?" He asks as I finish packing.
"Mine! You have a ten year old Feirro. I've got a year old Ford Mustang, there is no way I'm sitting in your car for a six hour drive to my house. I wouldn't be able to walk when we got there." I explain to him.
"Alright, I only asked a question, geese." He whines to me.
"Don't, I wasn't yelling at you, I was just saying. And besides, I don't want to be sitting along side the road when your heap breaks down." I joke with him.
"Heap?" He asks smiling, and comes to me and pulls me into a hug and gives me a kiss. "Are you ready?" He asks.
"Yeah, I think so. If you would grab my backpack, I can manage the duffle bag." I tell him. We head back down the elevator, outside to the parking lot, and put our things into the trunk. "You can drive." I tell him, throwing him my keys.
He gets into the driver seat as I get into the passenger side. I open the glove box and pull out a turn by turn portable mapping GPS and program it for the ride home. He watches me as I do this and then asks, "Are you rich or something?"
"What do you mean by that?" I ask him embarrassed.
"Everything you have up in your room is brand new, this car, that GPS, your motorcycle. I actually checked it out and they sell brand new for thirteen grand. This car must have cost about twenty-eight. Are you rich or something?"
"Jay, stop your embarrassing me." I say to him.
"Why am I embarrassing you, and why do you get so embarrassed when you talk about the things you have or things you've accomplished?" He asks.
"Let's go, I'll explain it on the way. Ok?" He agrees and once on our way I tell him everything about my past. "When I was three or four, my parents and I lived in a one bedroom apartment. I can remember that my bed was in the living room, hidden behind the couch along one wall. My parent's bedroom was tiny; they had to have their bed pushed into one corner so there was room at the foot of the bed for a dresser and to be able to open the closet door. The kitchen was so small that you could not open the fridge if the oven door was open. The bathroom was a nightmare; you actually had to stand at or sit sideways on the toilet to use it because the sink was in the way. And the bathtub was so old and rusted we usually just washed up in the sink. At the time I didn't know we were poor, but I knew we didn't have much money. I can remember times being in the store with my Mom and getting so made at her because she wouldn't buy me a toy or something I wanted. She would just say that we didn't have the money for that right now. Dad is in construction and he would get a job for awhile then, he would get laid off, or they would finish the job and not have another lined up. Mom works with computers, at the time she worked for a small company as their computer administrator, but really wanted to get back into computer programming; what she went to college for.
"Dad heard about a housing boom going on in the town where we now live, so he borrowed the money to make the move from my grandparents. He packed everything we owned into a small U-Haul truck and we made the three hour trip. I remember we rented an apartment that was about twice the size of our last place. I was in heaven, I had my own room. I didn't have to sleep in the living room behind the couch any more. Things got better, and my parents started giving me an allowance. I remember the first few times I went into a store with the money and buying the first thing that caught my eye. You know those cheap toys they sell. It was broken in about five minutes. I got so mad at Mom because she wouldn't give me any more money to buy a new toy. She told me that I would have to save my money if I wanted one of the more expensive toys that wouldn't break, or that I had to learn to respect the things I had, and not treat them badly. If they broke, she wasn't replacing them.
"Mom designed and sold a computer program to Microsoft and the next thing I new we were building a brand new house. Some time around then I had met Josh and became fast friends. Dad came home one day early from work and told Mom and me he had something to show us. At first I thought we were going to Josh's house, because we were driving down his street, but kept going past it a little ways and pulled into a drive way. He said, 'Welcome home, it's done.' We moved in the next day.
"Shortly after that Mom bought me one of those coloring books that come with paints, and I just loved it. I finished the whole book in about a week. She bought me a few more, and I always saved the empty trays the paints come in so I could mix the paints to make different colors and make the pictures look more realistic. It must have been for my seventh or eighth birthday my parents got me oil paints, paint brushes, a pallet, an easel, and canvas. Mom checked online and found out how to stretch the canvas over the frame and also found a hobby shop that could make the frames in any size that I needed.
"Dad started his own company around that time and now has about fifty employees working for him. He has even branched out into commercial and some small industrial construction. Mom eventually sold some more programs and then started her own computer programming company. My parents didn't spoil me though; I had to save my money for what ever I wanted, they bought what I needed. They did buy me nice things for my birthday and Christmas, but I learned early on the value of a dollar. I was excited when I did get something new and wanted to share it with friends at school and Josh. Most of the kids thought I was showing off or bragging. But I just wanted to show them how excited I was. It got to the point, whenever I took something into school to show someone, somebody would end up saying things like, 'He's at it again', or "Would you quit bragging?' or something else. So I quit telling people anything, I would wait to show Josh when he came to my house or I went to his. He never accused me of bragging or showing off, he knew that I was just excited about whatever it was and knew where we had come from.
"I saved the money I earned from selling my paintings and what the magazines had paid me when they published my photographs and bought this car, by myself last year. My motorcycle was a combination eighteenth birthday and graduation present. The computer, printer, laptop, and Nikon camera, my parents bought for me when they found out I got a full ride scholarship to Harvard. They couldn't believe it and neither could I; at eighteen I have my whole life in front of me and they wanted to give me a fighting chance to do what I'd loved doing for most of my life.
"That's why I get embarrassed talking about what I've accomplished or the things I have. I'm always worried the other person thinks I'm bragging or showing off. I'm not!" I finish.
"Well, you don't have to worry about that with me. I think I know you good enough to be able to tell when you're bragging, even though I highly doubt you'll ever do it."
We chat for the rest of the drive home, watching the scenery fly by. We finally get to my house and my parents aren't home from work yet. We grab our bags from the trunk of my car and I unlock and open the front door. We're greeted by the beeping of the alarm system; I enter my code and turn the system off. We step into the entry way of the open floor planned house. From here you can see the living room with its cathedral ceiling on the left, the grand mahogany staircase directly in front of us and the huge kitchen/dinning room on the right. I show Jay up to my room so we can drop our bags off and show him around the rest of the house.
"I'm starving, before I left for school it was my job to have dinner ready for my parents when they got home from work around six thirty. What do you want to eat?" I tell him.
"I don't care; what ever." He responds.
"What do you want?" I ask him again.
"Alright, if you're going to be like that, I love seafood. But, we couldn't afford it very often; we used to go to Red Lobster twice a year when I was a kid." He tells me.
"Ok, seafood it is. Come on we have to go to the store." I say. We head back out to my car and I tell him how to get to a small shop that sells seafood. We get live lobsters, crab legs, shrimp, and cocktail sauce. And head back to the house. As it is almost time for my parents to get home; I put on a large pot of water to boil. I wash the shrimp and place them into a collapsible wire basket that fits into the pot. Once the water is boiling I hang the basket on the pot and fill a large bowl with ice cold water. The shrimp are done in minutes and I place the basket into the ice water to cool the shrimp. I cook the crab legs and wait for my parents to get home to do the lobsters.
At six thirty I hear Mom walk in the front door and say, "Zack, what are you two doing here? You're not supposed to be home until this weekend."
I explain to her that Dean Rogers gave us the week off so I can recoup at home, and thought that we would surprise you by coming early. Dad arrives a few minutes later and I cook the lobster and we eat. We sit at the kitchen table talking until about ten when my parents head off to bed.
"Jay, I'm glad you came home with me. I know my parents like you. There is something that I have to do tomorrow and I want you there for moral support. Ok?" I ask him.
"Of course, what is it?" He asks me.
"I've got to go 'talk' to Josh." I tell him.
"I understand, it's been a long day and I'm tired. Let's go to bed." We head up to my bedroom, strip naked, and crawl into bed together and hold each other. Jay falls asleep in about five minutes; I'm out in about my usual half hour.
I wake up the next morning and get up quietly as to not wake Jay, dress, and head down to the kitchen and find Mom there drinking a cup of coffee and eating some toast. I grab a glass and pour myself some milk and find a yogurt and an orange in the fridge. I sit down with her and she asks, "So, what do you two have planned for the day?"
"I have to go 'see' Josh, there's something I have to 'tell' him." I respond, almost mournfully.
"I figured you would." She replies, and then adds, "Well, I better get going or I'm going to be late for work."
"Mom, how can the boss be late for work?" I ask her jokingly.
"If I can't get to work on time, how can I expect my employees to be there on time?" She smiles at me, gives me a kiss on the cheek and says, "I love you, and don't beat yourself up to bad today. I know this won't be easy for you. Are you going to take Jay with you?"
"Yeah, I asked him last night to go with me. I didn't tell him what today is though." I respond.
"Ok, I'll see you tonight. And Zack, I really miss your Lasagna could you stop at the store and get everything to make it for dinner tonight?"
"Sure, I'd love to make it for you; I know how much you love it. I'll see you later Mom, I love you. Bye."
"Bye." She says and walks to the door and heads out for work.
I call a local flower shop and order a flower arrangement for Josh's grave. Then head upstairs to wake sleeping beauty. When I enter my room he is lying in bed awake. I ask him, "What do you want for breakfast? I thought you could eat and then we could go over to the cemetery."
"What ever, I don't care; I'm not really all that hungry after last night." He responds.
We head down stairs and he has a cup of coffee and I make him a couple pieces of toast with jelly. We go over to the flower shop and a get the flowers and we head over to the cemetery. We park in the driveway and walk the short distance to Josh's grave.
Jay looks at the monument and then looks at me and asks, "How come you didn't tell me today would have been his birthday?"
"I just couldn't say it out loud; I'm sorry." I reply as I set the flowers next to his tomb stone. He comes and stands behind me and puts his hand on my shoulder for support.
"Josh, I've brought somebody with me I want you to meet. His name is Jay Ferguson, and I think; he maybe the one." I pause; now crying and feel Jay's grip tighten slightly on my shoulder. "Why did you have to do what you did? I hate you for doing that." I pause, thinking. "No! I'm sorry I don't hate you, I hate what you did. The way you left me, not giving me a chance to say goodbye. Why did you have to take the easy way out? I know it probably wasn't easy to do what you did, but God, it was the easy way. Living is hard, compared to living, taking your own life is easy. You chickened out on me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you for what you did. No! That's not true, I do forgive you. I just don't understand why you thought that was your only option. We could have figured something out together." I'm now almost hysterical, and Jay moves closer and holds me, not saying anything, just being there for me. The pain and sorrow I'm feeling are as if Josh had just died; like it happened yesterday, not six months ago. I feel my knees begin to give out and Jay slowly lowers me to the ground, holding me.
He continues holding me as I cry uncontrollably for about ten minutes, never saying a word. The emotions subside a little and I can continue. "Josh, I can't continue like this, I've been carrying a torch for you since the day you died. The flame is burning itself out, my arms are getting tired. I have found someone to love and I have to let you go. I can't keep doing this to myself or Jay any longer. I want to have with him what we had. And the only way I can do that is to let you go, Rest in Peace, and Happy Birthday. Goodbye Josh."
I can finally stand and I turn to Jay, looking into his eyes. It's like I can see directly into his soul. I'm not seeing him, it's like I can see the person inside of him, who he is, not what he looks like. The pain I feel towards Josh is overwhelming, but as I stand there looking into Jay's eyes, it dissipates, leaving a gaping hole in my heart that is filled and repaired by the love I know he feels for me, and the love I feel for him. "Jay, I love you. Thank you for being here for me today." I hug him as tears stream down his face.
"I love you too, Zack." He says pulling me closer to him and holding me. We stand there holding each other, both of us crying, not saying anything. Just looking into each others eyes; trying to memorize the soul of the other.
After a few minutes the emotions subside and we slowly turn to head back to my car when I notice Josh's parents standing a little ways away from us, giving us some privacy. We walk over to them and I hug them both. "Tim, Lisa, I would like you to meet Jay Ferguson, my boyfriend." I say to them. They each shake Jay's hand and say how nice it is to meet him.
Lisa says to me, "I'm glad you've found someone Zack. I know how hard these last months have been on you. It's nice knowing that you're starting to move on."
"Yeah, that's been really hard. I think now; I can say that I can move on with my life." I reply to her. "Hey, I've got an idea, why don't you two join us for Thanksgiving dinner?"
"Well, I don't know, I wouldn't want to impose." Lisa says.
"Come on. You won't be imposing, besides I know you two don't have any family close by. Why sit at home by yourselves, when you can be spending it with family?" I say to them. They turn and look at each other then agree to come.
"Good, we'll be eating around one thirty, and then around six we can have leftovers and sandwiches for dinner. How's that sound?" I ask them.
"Sounds good," they both reply at once, and then Tim adds "see you then. We better let you guys go. We need to spend a little time with Josh."
We say our goodbyes, and Jay and I head to the store to pick up the things I need for dinner tonight. Once home I put everything away and we both start working on the school work that we had missed. Later, I make dinner and eat when my parents get home from work. After dinner, Dad heads back to his office to do some paperwork, and Jay heads back up stairs to work on his school work as Mom and I clean up.
Mom asks how it went at the cemetery and I tell her what happened, how I had felt, the emotions being so raw and fresh, and then looking into Jays eyes, feeling the pain leave and then replaced with Jay's love for me and mine for him. I also try to explain what it felt like looking into his eyes, how it felt like I was seeing his soul. And I tell her that I told Jay I love him. Explained how we had run into Tim and Lisa there and I invited them to Thanksgiving dinner.
Mom doesn't interrupt me the whole time I'm talking, but when I'm done she says, "Well, I'm not a psychologist or anything, but it sounds to me that you've had a breakthrough in your grief for Josh."
"Yeah, I think so, too." I tell her. We finish up the dishes and I head up to my room to do some more home work.
I enter my room and find Jay sitting at my computer working. "Jay, can we talk?" I ask him.
"Of course, what's the matter?" He asks me.
"To day at the cemetery, after I said what I had to say to Josh. When I turned to you and looked into your eyes, it was like looking into your soul. I could see you for who you are, not what you look like. I know your not studying to become a psychologist, but have you heard of anything like that happening before?"
"Zach, what happened to you today in the cemetery was just the reaction to letting out the pent up emotions you've been carrying around for six months. As for why it seemed to you that you could see into my soul, I have no idea. It may have just been the release of the emotions, I don't know. Or maybe you wouldn't let yourself see me for who I am until you had a chance to finally let Josh go once and for all. What ever caused the reaction you described, I'm glad it finally happened. I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to able to tell me how you felt about me." He replies.
"Jay, I've known sense I woke up in the hospital and saw you sitting there asleep in that chair waiting for me to wake up that I love you. I just couldn't bring myself to say it. It felt like I would be cheating on Josh if I said it out loud. But, after what happened in the cemetery today, I know that was just the emotions I was carrying around with me. Once, I got it out, I realized I could say it to you. I love you, Jay."
He gets up from the chair and comes to me, hugs me, and says, "I love you too, Zack." I feel physically drained from the day and decide to go to bed early. I go tell my parents goodnight and head back to my room. I strip and climb into bed naked. I lie in bed and say to Jay, "Come to bed with me."
He finishes what he's doing on the computer, stands and strips. He looks so different to me; I almost think that he's not the same guy. I look him over from head to toe. His blonde wavy shoulder length hair, his almost non existent eyebrows very lightly over each eye, his piercing blue eyes look even bluer now than they had before, his Roman nose and chiseled square jaw. I continue down his neck to his broad shoulders, his very muscular arms, not body builder arms, but he definitely knows his way around a wait room. I can see his well defined pecks; his nipples perfectly centered at the bottom, his washboard abs and the deep indentations that angle towards his crotch. His soft cut cock hangs down from his short pubic hair about eight inches and it's about three inches thick. Its head is a little bigger around then the shaft and slightly pinker in color. His, small lemon sized, balls hang down behind his cock about four inches; they're so heavy the skin of his scrotum is stretched tightly away from his groin. He has very powerful looking thighs and calves; he turns to pick up his clothes and shows me his backside. His back is very muscular, from his broad shoulders down to his slender waist. His ass is concaved on both sides by the muscles hidden underneath from all the years of running up and down the football field, during countless practices and games. The only way I can describe his body to myself is that Michelangelo carved his perfect form from marble, exaggerating the muscle groups making them more pronounced then normal, and then God blew life into it. He has the perfect Adonis body, not to big not to small, just perfect in every way. Even his skin doesn't seem to show the slightest flaw or hint of a scar; his summer tan has faded and everything is exactly the same color except for his huge cock that is much darker than the rest of his flawless skin.
He finally lies in bed and I roll over to him and give him a kiss, then I climb on top of him, straddling his waist, kneeling on the bed, and lower my ass down over his cock. We continue kissing, my balls running along his cock as I slowly slide up and down his hardening cock. I lightly suck on his neck and shoulder and reach down and message his growing cock. After a few minutes he is rock hard and leaking pre-cum. I lift my ass up and shift his cock into position lining it up with my hole. I sit pack a little and feel his dick slowly enter my awaiting ass. I carefully lower myself down his cock as it fills me to the brink. I'm finally sitting on his hips and his whole cock is in my ass; I settle into him as I stretch to his massive size. "Oh my God, I've never felt this full before. Your cock feels so good in my ass." I whisper in his ear. I slowly start riding his huge cock, sitting up to try and get even more of it into me.
He places his hands on my hips, and gently lifts me up and then lets me slide back down the full length of his cock. He continues lifting me and letting me impale myself on his huge member. After a while, I climb off, and switch places with him. I lift my legs as he positions himself on top of me and rap them around his beautiful body as he slides back into me. I feel his balls hit my ass as he drives his twelve in cock into me. "Oh God, you feel so good!" I moan. As he fucks me I reach down and message my cock and aching balls. The whole time I never take my eyes from his, I love looking into those blue eyes. He gradually picks up the pace and is sending me into ecstasy, fucks me harder with each thrust into my ass. I feel his cock thicken and it seems to grow even longer. His eyes roll up into his head and he lets out a long low moan; gasps and holds his breath. I feel the warmth of his cum as he shots inside of me. He continues to fuck me and fill my insides with his love juice; I can feel it leaking from my over stretched hole every time he slides out and then back in filling me with more. After what seems like he's shot gallons of cum into me; he finally collapses on top of me; out of breath. He lies there lost in his orgasm, breathing heavily.
He finally recovers and gives me a kiss, withdraws his slowly shrinking dick from my hole and slides down my naked body. He kneels between my legs and takes my cock in his hand, and licks my pre-cum off the head. He sucks as much of my cock as he can into his mouth, then using his hand he starts jacking me off, the whole time sucking on the top half of my cock. It doesn't take long for me to cum after the fucking he just gave me. He tries to drink all I shoot into his mouth but can't, my cum runs out of his mouth and down my spurting cock. He milks my dick and licks around the base to try a clean up what he had let run down my cock until I can't stand it any longer and have to pull away from him. He then returns to lie next to me.
We kiss, and I tell him, "I love you. Are you sure you've never done that before? That was totally awesome!"
"I love you, too. And no, that was my first time." He replies sleepily.
We lie in each others arms and fall asleep.
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