YOUNG GUY PAIRING OFF
The continuing story. Comments welcome at Cgard43@hotmail.com
- Odd Pairs
Bill and Bert made good progress on their list of clues and finding the items they were supposed to gather, their quick minds working in tandem with each other. After an hour or so, they sat down in the shade with the thermos of lemonade they'd brought.
"This isn't too bad," Bill said, "In fact, it's kind of fun figuring out the clues."
"Right," Bert agreed, "We used to have these kind of things for our fraternity parties in college; you know, like scavenger hunts. I think it's fun too."
They talked casually for a while, lying on their backs and looking up into the trees.
"Bert, do you remember when we were back in high school?" Bill asked meaningfully.
"You mean do I remember those hot times when we played around after we found those gay movies at my uncle's house?"
"Yeah," Bill said quietly.
"Sure," Bert said, "I tried to put all that behind me when I went to college, or at least just had some very casual sex. Then I met a guy when I was a junior and that was that. We've been pretty seriously involved for the last couple of years. Why do you ask?"
"I didn't mean to pry, but I'm curious." Bill said, "I played around a little bit in college too, but I too tried to convince myself it was just a phase. I've been with a few guys from time to time but nothing serious. But, now I know I'm gay, and it's taken me a while to get over feeling a little guilty."
"Guilty, hell. I quit worrying about that a long time go," Bert said, "I know I was meant to be gay, that I like guys, and that I'm very happy that way. My friend moved here with me, and now he has a pretty good job too."
"You guys are lovers, huh?" Bill asked and Bert nodded.
"Sort of, but we're both free to fool around if we want to. It's what's called an 'open relationship' and it's great." They both became quiet for several minutes.
"What are you thinking about?" Bert asked.
"I'm kinda mixed up," Bill said, "It's not just this question of being gay or not. I think in my heart I've known I was gay for a long time, but I kept putting off doing much of anything about it. But, just recently I found out that a guy I really like a lot is also gay. We had sex and it was great, but I keep going on. I really sense something about it. I don't know. It's just different or maybe I'm feeling it more deeply than I've ever felt before."
"You mean more as 'in love' or what?" Bert asked.
"I don't know," Bill said, "Maybe it's just that he's great sex."
"I doubt it," Bert said shortly with a laugh, "That's a different set of feelings. I know that difference." They both became quiet again.
"You're gettin' me horny, buddy," Bert said, stroking his crotch lightly. "Of course it doesn't help sharing a room with Joe, either. He's really a sexy guy, but he seems to be so straight." He was quiet for a moment then went on.
"You want to find out if we've improved since high school?" Bert asked. He started to reach his hand toward Bill very tentatively.
""No, I don't think so," Bill said very quietly. He could immediately sense a tensing up on Bert's part as he withdrew his hand.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," Bill said.
"I know, but I remember that cock of yours," Bert said, "I used to choke on that big cock every time we played around. I just thought it might be fun to see if I can handle it better now."
"I remember yours too," Bill said, "But I'm just not really in the mood to play like that. Frankly, I'm feeling other emotions just now and I don't think I want to go back there. Sorry."
"It's okay, I understand," Bert said, "No problem, man."
Eddie and Duke had set off quickly on the rally and made good progress. They talked as they walked through the woods.
"Duke, why do you tease Jim like you do? You know he doesn't like all that sexual innuendo?"
"I don't know," Duke said, "it's like I said this morning. He's so staid, and I like seeing him get embarrassed."
"You sure that's all?" Eddie asked.
"What do you mean?" Duke replied.
"Well," Eddie said, "Sometimes, I think maybe it's just wishful thinking on your part. You know, like you really want him to call your bluff."
"I wouldn't do that," Duke said almost playfully, as usual, guarding himself.
"Bullshit," Eddie said.
"It's just my way of kidding him," Duke said, "That's all. When you're short like I am, you develop ways of fighting back. Mine happens to be verbal."
Eddie started to say something but Duke interrupted him, speaking with a surprising vehemence.
"Don't try to box me into a corner. Let's talk about something else, okay?"
"Okay, okay," Eddie said, "I'm sorry." Then they went on, covering a very large section of the wooded area in the process.
Meanwhile, Jim and Joe were moving slowly and steadily through their tasks. With only three clues left, they sat down to rest.
"This really is kind of fun," Jim said, "I admire the way you reason these things out so well. You make it seem so easy."
"It's just that I've got this quirky kind of mind that can figure out the logic behind things," Joe answered.
"I wish I could do that better," Jim said quietly, obviously deep in thought.
"You're doing fine," Joe said, then realized how distracted Jim was, "Hey, what's the matter? You're upset about something."
"Yeah," Jim said, "but it's not anything I can talk about."
"That's too bad," Joe said, "I'd be glad to help if I could."
They sat quietly for a long time, until Jim finally spoke again.
"Can I tell you a secret?" he asked, "You've gotta promise that you'll never tell anyone."
"Sure," Joe said, "I can keep a secret."
"Promise," asked Jim.
"Okay," Joe said, "What is it, Jim? You make it sound like you robbed a bank or something."
"It may be worse than that," Jim said. Rather disjointedly, he told Joe about having had a recent homosexual experience, though he never mentioned Duke by name. He went on to explain about two similar experiences he'd had previously. When he paused to take a breath, Joe spoke up.
"Just one question," Joe asked, "Did you enjoy it?"
"Oh God, yes," Jim said, "And that's what makes it worse."
"I don't follow you," Joe said, "Most everybody has an experience or two like that while they're growing up. What's the big panic?"
"You don't understand. I'm not sure I want to be gay," Jim said flatly. They sat quietly for a while. Joe chuckled quietly and Jim looked at him.
"Look, first of all," Joe said, "I'm not sure it's a question of choice. >From what I've read, you either are or you're not."
"What do you mean?" Jim asked quickly.
"As I understand it, you either are gay or you're not. Oh yes, a gay guy can stifle his desires for other men," Joe said, "And some guys do it successfully. But in the end, most of them end up being unhappy at best and miserable at worst."
"So you think I'm stuck being gay?" Jim asked.
"I didn't say that," Joe said, "You don't know if you're gay or not. You just know that you've had a couple of sexual experiences that felt good. Right?"
"It's more than that though," Jim said, "This last time it was even more an emotional thing than just a physical one. You know what I mean?"
"Yeah, I understand," Joe said. "But Jim, I think you're getting way ahead of yourself. Take it easy and don't worry about it. As long as nobody gets hurt, there's no problem. And it's not going to change your basic orientation."
"Easy for you to say," Jim said, but Joe was deep in thought as well.
"Well, let's get on with this," Jim said. They both stood and set off for the next clues.
When Eddie and Duke stopped the next time, they were almost done with the job. There appeared to be only one more clue, but Duke pleaded for a rest anyway.
"You know I can't move as fast as you can. I've got these short little legs you know," he said cheerfully.
"You sure are hung up about your size," Eddie laughed. "I don't get it."
"Oh sure, what are you, about six-foot-two?" Duke asked. "Things look different to you."
"No," Eddie said, "How tall a guy is doesn't matter to me."
"Maybe," Duke said, "But the rest of the world doesn't agree."
"Well," Eddie said, "Why worry what other people think, if it's only based on something as silly as how tall you are? That's crazy."
"But I've heard it all my life," Duke said quietly. "I didn't keep growing like the rest of you." They both laughed.
They sat quietly for several minutes. Suddenly, their eyes met and their respective gazes locked together for many seconds. Then Eddie reached to place his hand on Duke's arm and looked back into his sensitive brown eyes.
"To me, you're a very attractive guy," Eddie said quietly, "I don't think you're any less so just because you're shorter than I am."
For a change, Duke was speechless. Almost a full minute went by before he spoke.
"Thanks, Eddie," he said, "I believe you mean that." He paused.
"Hey, are you trying to turn me on?" he asked cheerfully.
Eddie was very thoughtful, but continued to watch Duke closely.
"Why?" Eddie said quietly, "Are you afraid of that?"
Duke was again caught off guard but this time just for a few seconds.
"Hell no," he said very quietly, "But that wasn't what I was trying to say."
"I mean, I wasn't trying to hit on you, but I was trying to say that it's okay to be the guy you are without any apologies," Eddie said.
"You're right," Duke said, "But you did surprise me. You're one of the sexiest guys I've ever seen, and I never guessed you were gay."
Eddie got up and found the blanket, which had been included in their hiking gear. He spread it on the ground beneath a large oak tree and sat down at the end away from Duke.
"Let's just relax a few minutes, huh?" he said, lying down so his head was just about at the center of the blanket. Duke lay down next to him and they both had their heads filled with memories of the preceding night.
Duke was thinking about Jim and his very gentle style of lovemaking, and smiled to himself. He knew Eddie wasn't really coming on to him and that relaxed him. Meanwhile, Eddie was thinking about Bill's sensuality and almost smirked to himself.
Though very tempted to talk with Eddie about it, Duke kept quiet about last night and this morning with Jim. Eddie seemed to be very thoughtful too, but he kept those thoughts to himself. The two guys just lay on the blanket and were silent for several minutes as each composed himself.
Bill and Bert were just about finished when they sat down for a short rest. Bill was deep in thought and hadn't spoken for many minutes.
"What's the matter, Bill?" Bert asked, "Why so quiet?"
"You're gonna think it's silly," Bill said.
"I doubt it," Bert said, "You've never been a silly sort of a guy. What's up?"
"The only way I can say it is that I'm feeling kind of strange," Bill said quietly, "I mean about what were talking about before."
"Wait a minute. Do you mean guilty for what we talked about? Or do you mean guilty that you even momentarily thought about doing it with another guy than your new pal?"
"Yeah," Bill said, "I guess I feel that I was being unfaithful, sort of, even thinking about doing it with another guy."
"Oh boy," Bert said, "You've really got it bad, haven't you? Don't you know that a stiff prick has no conscience?" He paused for a minute or so then went on.
"Bill, believe me I do understand," he went on, "I've been through moments of that myself."
"So how do you deal with it?" Bill asked earnestly.
"Well, by developing an honest enough relationship that you don't feel guilty," Bert answered. "Look, even if you'd have had sex with me, it doesn't change the way you feel about the guy, does it?"
"No," Bill chuckled slightly, "Except that you may suffer by comparison."
"Ouch, buddy," Bert said, looking just slightly hurt, "But now at least you're making sense. If you love the guy, then you love him. But that's not the same as a roll in the hay with a guy who just turns you on."
"I guess I see what you mean," Bill said, "Though I'm not sure I agree. And don't take what I said as an insult."
"No problem," Bert said, "You don't excite me near as much as my pal Al does either, but you still would be good sex and fun."
Bill's mind raced with these thoughts, until Bert clapped him on the shoulder.
"Let's get going," he said, "We've got to get this thing done."
They picked up their things and walked off, Bert's hand still on Bill's shoulder.
Jim and Joe had finished the project with almost an hour to spare. They spread out the blanket next to a stream and stretched out, watching the water as it flowed along.
"What a pretty spot," Joe said, looking around and admiring the scenery, "This place is really neat."
Jim was deep in thought and made no response. Joe turned to look at him, focusing on his intense blue eyes. He waved his hand in front of Jim's face.
"Anybody there?" Joe asked playfully. "Anybody home?"
Jim started, realizing that he had not been paying any attention and quickly apologized.
"I'm sorry, Joe," he said, "I guess I was miles away."
"Are you still worrying about what you told me?" Joe asked and Jim nodded.
Joe now grew silent too, both guys deep in thought.
"Oh hell," Joe said finally, "You're not the only guy in the world to go through this, you know, Jim. Worrying about it won't do any good."
"I know," Jim said, "Sorry I'm being such a pinhead, but it's really got me upset."
"I do understand," Joe said quietly, "It took me a long time to reconcile myself to being gay, but that's the way it is. If you are, believe me it will get easier."
"What?" Jim said in shocked amazement, "You? I'd never have believed that."
"Well, it's true," Joe said, "I've known I was gay since I was about fourteen. Hell, I've had a partner for over two years now. His name is Tony, and our relationship is wonderful, even if we do have to keep ourselves rather private, and of course, I can't ever talk about it at work."
Jim was fascinated and asked him question after question about his relationship.
"Whoa!" Joe said, "You're wearing me out. It's simple. It's just like being married. Does that make it clearer?"
"I guess so," Jim said, "Do you mean you love him?"
"Absolutely," Joe said, "as much as anyone has ever loved another person."
"Oh boy, do I have a lot to learn," Jim said very quietly, "I never thought about guys falling in love with each other. That may explain the way I've been feeling." He was deep in thought for several minutes.
"Just when did this happen?" Joe finally asked.
Jim started to stammer, then ultimately told Joe the whole story of his homosexual experiences, ending up telling him what had happened with Duke last night and this morning.
"So the question really is whether Duke's the guy you want to find out about being gay with," Joe said, and Jim nodded.
"He's a good guy, even if he does act silly sometimes," Joe said, "I think that's just because he's so sensitive about being short."
"I know I'll never tease him about that again," Jim said, smiling slightly, "He's really so nice and I like him a lot."
"Somehow that's what I thought you'd say." Joe answered, "But don't worry, your secret's safe with me, buddy." He smiled broadly as they gathered their stuff and moved on.
Eddie and Duke finished their clues and sat down near the lake to rest. Both were very quiet and deep in thought. Duke finally spoke up.
"What are you thinking about, Eddie?" he asked, "You're so quiet." Eddie shrugged.
"Oh, I don't know," he said slowly and then he turned to Duke suddenly. "Have you ever been in love?"
"Wow," Duke answered, "That's heavy, man." He sat thinking for a minute or so before he spoke again.
"When I was in college, I thought I was in love. He was wonderful guy, and he seemed to feel that way about me too."
"What happened?" Eddie asked, "I mean, did you become lovers."
"No, we ended up being very close friends instead," Duke said, "You see, after a couple of months, he decided he just wasn't ready to make any kind of commitment and wanted to keep seeing other guys. We managed to stay friends, but it was nip and tuck for awhile."
"So what did you do?" Eddie asked.
"I acted like a broken-hearted teenager for a week or so," Duke said, chuckling, "Then said 'What the hell!' and got on with living my life. Why are you asking?"
"I'm trying to decide just how I feel about a guy I know," Eddie said, "And I'm kind of puzzled."
"You don't mean me?" Duke asked, rather startled. Eddie shook his head.
"No," he said with a weak smile, "But, don't take that the wrong way! The funny thing is it's a guy I've known for a little while, but I just found out that he's gay. We've only been together once, but I don't know how to explain it. I feel funny whenever I think about him."
"I know what you mean," Duke said thoughtfully. "It's like you even think about him when you're talking with somebody else.
Eddie flashed him a quick look, as if Duke had read his mind.
"Yeah, that's kind of what I mean," Eddie agreed, smiling, "I've never felt this way about anybody before...at least not so strongly. It's got me kind of upset."
"Uh-huh," mumbled Duke, now lost in his own thoughts.
To be continued.