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YOU KNOW HE'S SUB, DON'T YOU? - PART ONE
The gang hung out in the park mostly. We used to listen to music and kick about together. So one day I was walking towards Jake and Po - Jake was bigger. He was very strong and slightly bigger than Po who was a more ... Po had good shape and he was tough - don't get me wrong but Po was more your footballer type build whereas Jake was a bit more ... bigger, muscley. Difficult to describe. I don't even know why I'm mentioning it! So I was walking towards them, and Po - Po Mostafa - he was wearing his red tracksuit which looked really cool and he hadn't shaved which was unusual - and Po said, "You do know he's sub don't you?" Just like that, out if the blue! He was looking at me but his remark was addressed to Jake. Jake - Jake Edrun - smiled without revealing his teeth and answered, "No. I don't know." Jake looked at me and grinned. I was pretty mortified. I didn't answer Po but just asked, "What you guys doin' then?" "Looking for a fag," said Po, like he'd found one. Now I was embarrassed. Fact is, I knew I was gay by now, so I did have worries already how it was going to play out with my friends in the gang. I knew I fancied them. And I couldn't help staring at them. Their bodies. The way they moved. Jake was the best but the others were fit too. I liked the way their clothes tightened and relaxed when they stretched. And I was fascinated by what went on between their legs. It had become a bit of an obsession. Whenever they undressed, to swim or put on gear, I had to look to catch a glimpse of their hairy crotches or the dark split of their arse cracks. I mean, I don't suppose I was too subtle about it. I just had to know what it all looked like and I gradually forgot to hide that I wanted to look. They had to notice. Then if I made a joke about them, like their appearance, like their hair - which we used to do all the time - no one laughed anymore. There was a kind of awkward silence until someone made another joke, usually about me and it seemed to me like there was a code, like people had said things about me and I couldn't pretend much longer; I was different. I started to be scared that I would do or say the wrong thing and they'd laugh at me. Or that they would stop being my friends. I wouldn't have any friends.
Now I started to see that it was going to become a problem. Po was an idiot, obviously, but I desperately wanted Jake to be my buddy. Part of the fantasy was that he would protect me as well as respect me on some kind of intellectual level. I was intent on appearing cleverer than everyone else. I started reading books no one else even attempted. I was the first to complete Lord of the Rings, when they were still slogging through Harry Potter (and not finishing it). They did have this grudging respect, but the truth is I was no cleverer. I just concentrated on what I concentrated on while they were off excelling at sports or boasting about whatever. That's why Po's remark shook me. It was the first time I realised all my planning and defences had failed to kid anyone. They all knew what I was and basically despised me for it, I thought, though some, like Jake, were a bit more sensitive.
"You know what you are," Po said. I was too embarrassed to respond. "Ok that's enough," said Jake. Po stopped and laughed and ran ahead, apparently not wanting to cross a certain line, but as he went he shouted back at us, "Perhaps he'll suck your cock if that's what you want!" I looked at the ground. "Why do you let people talk to you like that?" said Jake disparagingly. "What am I supposed to do?" I replied. Jake sat down on a bench. He had a football which he bounced and caught in the space between his feet. His legs were spread and I saw what I had so often looked at with a kind of drooling hunger, the folds of his trousers where they negotiated the complex space between his thighs, the piece of cloth covering his zip and the fine seam beneath. That was where I wished to lay my head. That is where I wished to be ... I glanced up. Jake was looking at me with disdain, "You really are a fag, aren't you?" he said. "Why?" I bluffed." "Do you know what you are?" he said "I've heard them say, you like to suck cock. Would you like to suck my cock?" I laughed, almost about to take him at his word. "You can if you want. I've often wondered what that feels like ..." I was going crazy. Was this Jake's test just to see if I was the fag they said I was, or was he genuinely offering me the opportunity to let me literally put my face up against his hairy junk and lick it and actually put my mouth around it? He was staring at me. Waiting for an answer. "Why are you doing this Jake?" I said. "You're just like all the others. I thought you were my friend." I started to turn and walk off, desperately sad that it was not to be. But I couldn't trust him. I didn't dare. Suddenly, thump, the ball hit me on the back of the head. "Oww, fuck man, whydyou do that? It hurt! Man ..." I turned back rubbing my head. "I asked you a question," said Jake, grabbing his ball as it rolled back. "What question?" "D'you wanna blow me? I wanna know! I'm serious! I'll let you. Do you want to?" He stared at me. He spread his legs wider, provocatively, and let his free hand, that wasn't holding the ball, flop down and hang near to where his junk was. He grabbed it and gave it a squeeze and let go. "You do want to," he added, "I know. I know you." "What do you know?" "I can see. Your trousers, mate, don't hide anything. And your face!" He laughed. "Red as a beetroot. You're so red. I can like read your thoughts." "You're embarrassing me; that's why I'm red! Why don't you ..." "What why don't I? Why don't you! Come here and suck me. You know you want it." "I thought you were my friend," I said again, playing for time. "I am your friend. I'm saying it as a friend. I'm offering you the chance. Come on ... I won't tell any one." I considered the offer. "I can see you want to. There no point hiding. And everyone knows it." "Knows what?" "Come off it mate, you're gay. Everyone knows it." I was starting to cry now. I was so humiliated and I just thought, 'how am I going to get through this?' So I just stood there, sweating and wiping my nose and staring at him, trying to look at his eyes but really wanting to look at his hand where he was stroking his packet now, just gently moving his hand around the bulge, gently making it feel good. Smoothing and gently stimulating himself, he just kept looking at me and coaxing me with his hand, then he said, "Look, just look. Look where my hand is. Look." He rubbed it more and started to draw his fingers round it to indicate which bit was his dick and which bit was his balls. I licked my lips involuntarily and he laughed, "Fuck mate you want it so much. Why don't you just come here and put it in your mouth?" He put the ball down and got hold of the zip with both hands and started to pull on it. "No!! Stop!!" I said. "Don't do that! Not here!" "Where then?" I looked at an old cherry tree that had drooped and formed a hidden shelter where some laurel and some holly made thick cover and we used to in go to smoke. "In there then," he said. "Go on then!" he urged me, standing up and adjusting his manhood self-confidently. I hesitated. "Look, I'm not going to let you get away with this. You know I need you to now I've been stroking it. It won't go down. So either I whack off or you do what you've been dying to do in any case." He went into the shelter and leaned against the tree. I watched as he undid his flies and lowered his trousers and his pants and started wanking. "Come in mate, for fucks sake! Do us a favour ...Do us both one!" I took a breath and started walking. The dark opening made me duck to get in and, rather than stand once I was inside, I sort of knelt forward and found myself in front of him looking up at him and just sort of looking at him like the village idiot. "That's it," he said, "Good boy, good lad now, just come here," he held his prick by the base with one hand and used the other hand to gently cup the back of my head and pull me towards it. As my lips got closer to the end of it I shuffled closer and lifted my hands to take it to guide it towards my face. It was huge by now and up close it had got much bigger than I expected. The skin was stretched back and the veins were full to bursting. The purple head - "That's it. You take it. You hold it for me. That's it. Good lad. Good. That's it." I could smell his pants, that slightly sweaty-uriney smell of piss and bollocks. "You promise you won't tell anybody?" I said, gagging to kiss it. "Yeah I promise I won't" The scent of him was like a heat that was burning my face.
So I went for it. I held it steady with my fingers and placed it between my lips. I was just conscious of it touching my mouth. "Fffffffffk ..." he moaned, "jeeeeesis that's wow tha..." I looked up and saw his smile like he was in love with me, really in love, so I started to really suck on it and roll it around my lips and let him push it further in. The more he pushed it the more he moaned and the more he moaned the more I wanted of him. He was totally hard and the spit I'd left on the shaft meant he slid it out and in really smoothly, bumping the back of my neck each time and finally grabbing my head with both hands so he could ram it down. "Ffffffffff I'm gonna ... yeah cum, suck it, suck it." I was sucking it, making a seal round it with my lips and holding my breath for as long as I could. At last he held my head and I could feel the sperm pumping up his shaft and into me. It was amazing. "Now swallow it," he said, letting his cock slip about. Some ran out of my mouth. "You missed a bit," he said. It was warm and salty and coated my teeth like nothing else and the taste stayed in my mouth as much as I swallowed. "D'you wanna cum?" he said. He let me sniff his balls and stare at his prick and lick him while I jerked off. It didn't take long. "Good boy," he said again as I orgasmed into my hand. "You better eat that as well." I licked my own cum off my hand, feeling kind of disgusting. "Well done," he said, "you're a good lad." I rested my head against between his legs. That is where I wished to be ... "Got there in the end, didn't we?" he said, patting my hair.
And that's how I became a cocksucker.
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END OF YOU KNOW HE'S SUB, DON'T YOU? - PART ONE