You Can't Go Home © 2021
By David Lee
"But why had he always felt so strongly the magnetic pull of home, why had he thought so much about it and remembered it with such blazing accuracy, if it did not matter, and if this little town, and the immortal hills around it, was not the only home he had on earth? He did not know. All that he knew was that the years flow by like water, and that one day men come home again."
Thomas Wolfe, You Can't Go Home Again
Reed Rawson hadn't set foot in his hometown for more than five years. He'd left it at 18 and hadn't looked back. His departure had come at the end of years of emotional abuse from his stepfather. The final straw was when the man had attempted to molest him after discovering that he was gay. According to Ed Ward, queer boys wanted to have their cherry taken by a real man.
As if that weren't enough, his hyper-religious mother wouldn't listen to him when he tried to tell her what her husband had done. She accused Reed of tempting the man, and then lying about it to cover what he'd done. She wanted nothing to do with her homosexual son.
Reed had fled the house with little more than the clothing on his back. He had hardly any money and just a parttime job. He didn't know how he would survive, much less get an education.
Being a bright boy, and a good problem-solver, Reed quickly ran down the mental list of people who might help him in his time of need. Mr. Tullis, his high school counselor, had already found him some scholarships and was likely to do more since Reed would have no support from his family.
The first thing Ted Tullis did was to offer Reed a place to live. They had the room, and his wife, Susan, was as eager to help kids as her husband was. When they welcomed him into their family, tears of relief flowed freely from his eyes. Their little daughter, Kaylee, came up to him and hugged him around the leg. It was an expression of love from the toddler that Reed would never forget.
With the support of the Tullis's and other members of the high school staff, Reed was able to graduate on time, and was assured of a full ride to Iowa State University. Sensing that this could be his one chance to have a good life, he studied diligently and didn't let anything sidetrack him from his goal. He didn't party and he didn't date. He would have loved to find a soulmate but he didn't think he could deal with the drama of an affair of the heart while he was forging his destiny.
Four years later, he graduate with honors in computer engineering and immediately took a job at a hospital in the Chicago suburbs which needed someone with his knowledge to update their entire information system.
The administrator of the facility liked Reed's work and encouraged him to study for his master's degree at Roosevelt University, mostly on the hospital's dime. It was a great opportunity to improve his lot in life.
It was nearing Christmas, and Reed had felt compelled to drive back to his hometown because he'd been contacted by his mother who wanted to repair their relationship.
Having been gone for several years, he found that many things had changed. Two of the streets which had had four-way stop signs now had roundabouts. He was used to negotiating them, but obviously many of the locals weren't. If he hadn't anticipated that something bad could happen, he would have been hit by a driver who had bolted into his lane from the right. It appeared that the older people who had always been taught to yield to the right didn't know that the opposite was the protocol for traffic circles in the US.
In a way, he had expected the rural community to be frozen in time. Given all the changes he found, it suddenly dawned on him that you really couldn't go home -- at least not to the place as you'd remembered it.
He wouldn't have made the journey at all if his mother hadn't called him to seek his forgiveness for her part in throwing him out. She had seen a made-for-TV movie called Prayers for Bobby and had come to see herself as the mother who had driven her son over the edge. Reed wasn't sure how she had found out his mobile number because he hadn't sent it to her. (He would later discover she had talked Susan Tullis to giving it to her.)
When he rang the doorbell at his former home, it was answered by his stepfather who informed him that his mother had died the day before and that he would not be welcomed at her funeral service which was scheduled for December 26th. He couldn't even view her body because it had been cremated already.
Reed wondered if the hasty disposal of his mother's remains meant that Ed had caused her death and had managed to cover it up so that no one would be able to do an autopsy.
Now, he found himself walking into Nina's café looking for a decent meal while trying to sort out what his next move should be. The place was fairly crowded because it was the only restaurant in town with a full menu. If you didn't want pizza, it was either Nina's or driving to another community. Since highway 30 now bypassed the town by a mile, and since it wasn't a long drive to the second largest city in the state, local eateries couldn't survive.
With the consolidation of small schools, many little villages lost their reason to be and were dying even more rapidly than they had in the past.
As he was doing a visual search to find seating, someone waved at him.
"Reed, is it really you? You look great, man!"
"Tommy, it's good to see you. You're looking as sassy as ever," Reed answered.
"Come and join me. Mom and Dad are out of town and I wasn't sure what she had in the house that I could rustle up without too much hassle."
The young men were both pleased to see a friendly face in a place where they really didn't know anyone anymore. Naturally, their conversation dealt, in part, with their high school memories.
"So, fill me in on the past five years of your life," Tom requested. "You left town so quickly and didn't stay in touch."
"There's not a lot to tell. I got my degree and found a well-paying job a few hours to the east of here."
"Does that put you in Chicago?"
"The western suburbs."
"No kidding! I work in the city and have an apartment in Hofmann Estates."
"We're not that far apart. I'm in Palatine, but my job is in Elgin."
"I commute the other direction. It must be nice to head away from traffic instead of into it."
"So, I'm into computer stuff. How about you?" Reed asked.
"Me too. We still seem to have a lot in common. I'm not sure how most of our classmates turned out. I've only heard about a few of them," Tom admitted.
"You're way ahead of me. I cut all ties when I left. So, do you have any gossip worth sharing?"
"Do you remember Jim Washburn?"
"How could I forget him?" Reed rolled his eyes. "He made my life miserable. Finally, when he tried to throw me on the ground for the umpteenth time, I hauled off and kicked him in the nuts. Surprisingly, he left me alone after that."
"I never heard about that encounter. He must have been ashamed to admit that a smaller kid got the best of him. Anyway, his wife and he had to adopt because they couldn't have any kids. Wouldn't be an ironic twist of fate if you were responsible and his bullying cost him descendants?
"Oh, I ran into Billy Baker yesterday. He got Catelyn pregnant and they got hitched about a year out of school. He's working on his father's farm and he hates it. I got the feeling that his marriage isn't a happy one either. He feels trapped; I think."
"What about you, Tom? Do you have a girlfriend?" Reed enquired.
"Nope. I was in a relationship a few years ago, but it didn't work out."
"Did she cheat on you? Don't answer that, it's none of my business!"
"Yes, HE cheated on me."
"Wow! You had a boyfriend?"
"Husband, actually. We went to counseling but divorced because he wasn't into monogamy and I was.
"So, are you involved with anyone, Reed?"
"Nope. I was so focused on getting ahead in the world that I put my sex life on hold until I graduated from the university. After that, it seemed like the pool of eligible people got a lot smaller. There aren't a lot of places in the `burbs to meet other guys and I'm not into the club scene."
"Hmmm, the rumors were true then; you're gay too."
"Yup, but in my case, gay' isn't synonymous with happy.'"
"Lots of times it isn't. Society doesn't exactly embrace us.
"Okay, I'm being nosey, but how did you decide to grace our boyhood home with your presence after all of these years?"
"Mother contacted me that she'd had a change of heart, and I was going to see her for Christmas. However, it seems that she passed away before I got here. I can't understand it because she didn't say anything about being ill. Perhaps she found out she was terminal and that's what caused her to reach out. Right now, my emotions are all over the place. I'll always wonder how things could have been if she were still alive. According to Ed, I'm banned even from attending her funeral."
"Something doesn't add up," Tom frowned. "Your mom and mine, along with Aunt Sylvia, have always been active in the sewing guild. They had a meeting on the day you said your mother died. I can't imagine that my mother wouldn't have said something to me, knowing that you and I were buds growing up.
"Sylvia is the biggest gossip in town. Nothing gets past her. Grandpa used to say that there were three "T'" in rapid communication; telegraph, telephone, and tell Sylvia!
"Are you sure it's true? Could Ed have been lying to you?"
"What would be his motivation?"
"Jealousy. He's had her all to himself these past several years, and he tends to be an insecure type."
"Wow! It's possible. How can we find out without having to contact him again?"
"Let me do the calling and ask for her," Tom offered.
"By the way, where are you staying tonight since you're not welcome at home. The motel closed in 2020, so there's literally no room at the inn during the holiday season."
"I thought I'd just drive back to Palatine. With her gone, there'd be no reason to stay in the area. I could make it home before midnight."
"Stay with me. We could pretend we're still middle-schoolers and have a sleepover."
"Will your mother want more company?"
"She'll be delighted to see you, and I'll be even happier."
"Okay, I guess. If I'm not being too inquisitive, how come you're here instead of at your grandmother's?"
"Sad story, my grandmother is like your mother used to be. She wouldn't prevent me from coming to her house, but she'd spend most of the time trying to save me from my wicked ways. I practically know parts of Leviticus by heart. My `life-style' is an abomination to God!"
"I can empathize. Sorry I brought it up!"
"It's okay. I'm used to being the black sheep. Fortunately, my parents don't hold her views.
"So, what do you say? You follow me to their new condo and spend Christmas with us. I'll try to call your mom when we get there and see what happens."
"Like we used to say,' AWESOME!'"
As Reed followed Tom's SUV into the new housing development, he again realized that things had changed. This used to be part of the Wilson's farm. The bypass had cut into their land to the extent that they'd sold the whole property. This community didn't look like his boyhood home.
When Tom pulled into the attached garage, he motioned Reed to use the other stall.
"Since the `rents aren't coming home until tomorrow, you might as well keep your Forester out of the elements. It's supposed to storm tonight."
They shed their heavy coats in the mudroom and continued into the kitchen. Reed was pleased to see that the old familiar wooden table and chairs had made the move. That made the room inviting. The sight of it took him back to the good old days.
Tom used the landline to place the call.
"Hi, Marge," a female voice answered. "Why are you home? Didn't you go to your mother's after all?"
"Hi Lois, this is Tom. They're with Grandma. I'm calling because I have a distraught young man named, Reed, here who was told that you had died."
"Who would have done that? Wait a minute, someone told me that Reed had called to say he'd changed his mind about coming home. Hmm... I suspect it was the same person!"
"Your husband, no doubt. Is he there?"
"No, he went over to shoot pool with Harvey. I think they down more shots than they take, if you know what I mean."
"Can you come over here so there's not a confrontation? You could leave a note saying you're over at Marge's. That would be true. You just don't have to tell him whom you're seeing."
"That's an excellent idea. I'll be there in five minutes or so."
Lois Ward arrived a few seconds ahead of her prediction. It was a rather short drive.
Tom offered hot chocolate from his mother's Keurig, and his guests were appreciative.
As they sat around the table, Reed's mom continued the apology she had begun when she contacted him. She elaborated on the movie she'd seen, saying that she'd first thought the mother in the story was being portrayed too extreme. Then, she began to reflect on how she'd acted when she discovered Reed was gay.
"On top of that, I believed Ed instead of you. It's taken me years to realize what a liar that man is! I've contacted a lawyer, and I plan to begin divorce proceedings in January. I've already taken his name off my bank account so that he can't do me out of what your father left me in his will. There will be a fight over the house, I suspect. However, I never put his name on the title to the farm."
"Will you feel safe once he knows your plans?" Reed asked. "If not, you could come and live with me. I have a second bedroom that's rarely been used."
"Yes, I feel safe enough. I'll change the locks and maybe get a security camera. I have a concealed carry permit for my Ruger and I'm a better shot than he is, so he'd better not try anything!"
The three of them then turned their conversation to events from the past. Lois told several tales of the hijinks the boys had gotten into. Her knowledge of their mischief-making was more extensive than they'd imagined.
The kitchen rang with laughter. Reed felt more alive and at ease than he had in years.
"Well, it's beginning to rain and I'd better go home before this precipitation freezes," Lois said. "You boys probably have a lot more to talk about that doesn't include an old lady."
"You're not old, Mom! And I'm sure you've driven in worse, but I'd rather know you're safe at home instead of skidding on the ice. Please call one of us when you get there."
"I will. It shouldn't be more than 10 minutes."
An hour later, the young men realized that the storm had worsened appreciably. With the drop in temperature, the roadways and power lines were being coated. The power went off for a few seconds and then came back on.
"If we were in a romantic story, we would be stranded in a cold, dark house and we'd have to snuggle together to survive," Tom laughed. "However, Dad installed one of those generators which kicks in automatically if the electricity fails."
"Would we need a disaster to bring us together," Reed asked. "We were best buds before fate split us apart."
"Perhaps fate knows she made a mistake and is attempting to correct that. It's almost providential that we found each other tonight. The timing had to be precise.
"Perhaps, we could build a fire in the fireplace in case the generator quits. I'm all in favor of roasting nuts by an open fire."
"God, your innuendos are as bad as ever, but I like your suggestion. Let's see if we can kindle a flame."
It was like old times for the guys. They felt like they were kids again, sitting close together snacking on popcorn.
"I wish we would have known about each other back in high school. Think of all fun we've missed," Tom lamented.
"Maybe, it's all for the best. We might not have stayed together through the stresses of college, and we probably wouldn't have had enough experience to know what we really wanted in a relationship."
"Does that mean we could try dating?" Tom asked.
"Sure. Let's take it slowly."
"Okay, I won't insist that you share my bed. Mom moved the twin beds from our old house. She had the headboards refinished and bought new mattresses, but the room feels a lot like my old one. I think you'll like it."
The guys each took a shower and donned boxers for sleepwear. Sharing the room took Reed back to his boyhood again.
When the young men awoke on Christmas Eve Day, the first thing they did was to look outside. Several inches of snow had fallen on top of the ice. Driving would be treacherous.
They put on yesterday's clothes and went to the kitchen to assuage their hunger.
Tom thought a hearty breakfast was in order, so they worked as a team to make bacon, eggs, and waffles. Reed smiled as he remembered a pair of teenagers attempting to the same thing with moderate success. Today's results were great!
"We work well together in the kitchen," Tom commented.
"Hmm..., isn't there an old, backhanded compliment about a woman who's really good in the kitchen?"
"Meaning she's not a great lover."
"Yup."
"So, you think we might not be good in the bedroom?" Tom grinned.
"I suppose we won't know for sure until we test the theory."
"Are you saying we should retire to my room?"
"Not right now. I'm stuffed!" Reed shook his head.
"Maybe later? We could postpone lunch. We certainly won't have any visitors in this weather."
About half an hour after Tom's comment, there was a knock on the door. Tom opened it to find a young couple standing there.
"Sorry to bother you. We were on our way to St. Luke's in Cedar Rapids when our jeep got stuck," the young man said. "We wouldn't have been out on the road if Emma's water hadn't broken."
"Come in, come in!" Tom insisted. "Where is your vehicle?"
"Just a few blocks away on old highway 30. The bypass is blocked with semi's jackknifed and we had to get off. I tried to call an ambulance but they said they can't get here. I don't know what to do!"
"Sit down and warm up while I try to get some help."
Tom called Lois to see if she knew of a doctor or nurse in the area. Lois said that one of his mother's neighbors worked in the hospital and was probably home.
Within a few minutes, Tom had located the woman and said he would try to clear a path to her house with the snowblower. She told him not to bother. Her husband had a snowmobile and would deliver her within a few minutes.
Nurse Rosemary Hess wasn't a midwife, but she had assisted in two births which were emergency situations. She assured Emma and Bryce that she knew what to do. They felt very relieved to have a medical professional in the house.
Tom and Reed gathered clean old towels from the linen closet and put water on to boil for sterilizing a knife to cut the umbilical cord when it was time. They weren't sure about how much water would be needed, but it seemed like that was the protocol in the movies they'd seen.
"Should I change one of the beds for her to use?" Tom asked of Rosemary.
"I think we might do well to use the kitchen table if that's okay with you. You could cover it with a comforter or two and put a plastic tablecloth on top. It would put her at a better height for me and since there's a vinyl floor in there, we wouldn't damage your mother's bedroom carpet in case it's messy."
Tom and Reed quickly prepared the "labor room" as best they could. Now, all they could do was wait. The baby didn't arrive immediately, and Bryce began to worry. The nurse told him that it wasn't uncommon for labor to last several hours in the case of a first child.
About an hour later, Emma began to dilate more. Her labor pains were closer together, signaling that it wouldn't be much longer. Everyone washed their hands again to be a clean as possible.
Bryce had attended the required classes for being in the delivery room. His training kicked in, and he coached his wife through the process. Reed brought warm washcloths to sooth Emma's brow. Tom kept his eye on his cell phone to be able to record the exact time of delivery.
At 1:36 PM on December 24th, Griffin Allen Gebhart made his presence known to the world. Rosemary tied off the umbilical cord and Bryce cut it. Tom snapped a photo of the proud dad performing the task.
The nurse suggested placing the umbilical cord in a Ziploc bag and putting it in the freezer to preserve it if possible. The cells might be important to the baby in the future. Tom quickly took care of it.
It was a clean birth and there probably wouldn't be any infection. However, Rosemary did suggest that they see a doctor as soon as the roads permitted. After a few minutes, mother and child were resting on the reclining sofa; Emma sipping warm tea and Griffin beginning to get the hang of nursing.
Three hours later, an ambulance made it to the house. Tom and Reed had cleared the driveway and walks. A neighbor with a blade on his pickup had made a one-lane path to the highway. He also helped Bryce get his jeep free from the drift.
"Remind me never to make assumptions," Tom laughed. "I really thought we'd have to afternoon to, um, get reacquainted with no interruptions!"
"But it was an awesome interruption! I can't remember the last time Christmas was this special. I have Mom back, you and I have connected, we got to witness the miracle of birth. What more could anyone ask for?"
"That's one of the things I love about you, your joys come from helping other people rather than from material things. I think you know that love is the real meaning of the season."
"Speaking of another kind of love, do you think we could cuddle in the bigger bed in the guest room? If we launder the sheet before we leave, it won't make any more work for your mom."
"That's a great suggestion! Let's do it. Perhaps we can discover if we're as good in the bedroom as we are in the kitchen."
Two young men woke up together in the guest room, smiling. As Reed lay there in Tom's arms, he felt loved for the first time in ages. Perhaps a person couldn't go home. Maybe it was better to discover a sense of home wherever you happened to be. This would be a Christmas to remember for the rest of their lives together.
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