"This is one long red light." My hospital badge was hanging from my rearview mirror. `Jonathan Michael Villaneuva' I gave it a flick just to watch the plastic card spin. "Johnny V- that's me," I said out loud to no one. Two men crossed in front of my van. If there's one thing I can say about San Francisco is we have some fine ass men. Maybe I'll join in on the no-shave November trend, try growing a beard. Nah, with my luck I'll end up looking like I have pubic hair on my face.
The light turned green and I finally made it to the house. I parked my van in the driveway. I got out and paused for a moment, as the warmth of the sun caressed my face.
Maybe I'll dye my hair neon red like in high school. Screw that, I'd have to bleach it all to hell. And I'm sure my supervisor would throw a fit about how paramedics are on the front lines, `we need to look professional,' what a dick. I swept my dark brown bangs from my eyes, finally looking towards the house. I smiled and bit my lip as my eyes met his: Remy Abargil, the love of my life.
Remy was in the kitchen chopping some kind of root vegetable. He smiled back at me as he stroked his hipster goatee. I liked to joke about how he looked like a pirate with his facial hair paired with his long dark waves that he wore in a ponytail. He tapped the window. "Come inside already!" he shouted.
"I was just enjoying the weather," I said as I opened the door with my key. I didn't live in the house but I was over so often my man secretly had one made for me.
Remy walked over to greet me. He wore sneakers even in the house to hide the fact that he had a prosthetic leg. (It was pretty obvious to anyone with eyes.) The way his knee hardly bent, the way his foot hit the floor as if being dragged. With each step his hips struggled every so slightly to maintain balance.
Part of me was resentful that he would not even admit to having a prostatic. I could feel his leg when we had sex. Turning off the lights off doesn't change that fact that plastic does not have the same feel as human flesh. I wanted so badly for him to be able to trust me. But I knew I couldn't force the subject. Remy would just shut down- once a soldier always a soldier.
"Hey baby," I put my arms around his waist. "Are you making your garlic rosemary sweet potato fries?"
Remy kissed my lips, looking into my eyes with his soulful gaze. "I don't see why you won't just move in with me."
I moved my lips to his ear. "I don't want to make your roommates uncomfortable."
Remy shook his head, moving back to the kitchen. "It's been nearly a year. And my roommates love you."
"But the fucking cunts that own your building don't." I opened the fridge for a snack, settling on a package of baby carrots. "There's a reason you live with a Target senior level manager and an interior designer. In any other city you and both of your roommates could own your own homes."
Remy patted my shoulder. "The price we pay for the city by the bay." He opened the fridge, grabbing a Coke.
I chuckled. "You're lucky you're so fuckably hot."
Remy was three years older than me, but I knew I loved him from the moment we first met. He was a senior, with a gorgeous body. I was a freshman Goth boy with neon colored hair. If I hadn't been friends with his sister, Aly, I would have never stood a chance.
"My back is killing me," I muttered as I stretched my arms.
"You are almost twenty-five, just forty more years until retirement."
"Funny... Oh hey, you will never believe who I ran into- Alyana."
"Aly? My sister! How is she?"
"Aly pulled a baby out of a burning car. You should have been there your sister was such a bad-ass. We were waiting on the fire department to, you know, actually put out the fire. But Aly took an rescue hammer from her purse and without any hesitation she shattered that window and pulled the baby out of the car seat. And she did it just in the nick of time, the car exploded literally seconds later I guess Aly still carries her military training."
Remy froze, his eyes were wide, unblinking. It was as if he was looking at something only he could see. "Aly, how is Aly?"
"Aly will be fine. She wasn't even hurt."
Remy crossed his arms over his chest, his body was visibly trembling.
"I'm so sorry, please look at me!"
My man's eyes were so distant. "I once watched an entire family die. They were in a car trying to flee the shooting. People were dying all around me. But I remember that family. When the bomb went off everything happened in slow motion. When I looked at the car I could see a little girl looking back at me. She was begging me to save her."
I put my arms around Remy holding him tight. "I need you to focus on my voice. It's not real, it's not real. None of it is real."
"Why do human beings do such horrible things to one another?"
I lowered Remy to his knees, I could feel his tears I as rocked him in my arms. "You are safe. You are home. You made it home. There are no bodies. There are no bombs, no bullets, no pain, and suffering. You and me, your strength and my love, that is what's real. "
I closed my eyes, focusing on holding him. Remy had been in combat for eight months. But as the whole world knows Israel and Palestine have been at war since the time of the Bible. And both armies pull no punches. That was the reason why all Israeli men and women were required to enlist. After the first time I witnessed one of his episodes I asked him to talk it out, to tell me the stories. I wanted to be his outlet so he would never feel like he had to shoulder the burden of his memories alone. I wanted to know what he was seeing, so I could find a way to help. He talked to me about the bombs exploding, children screaming as their parents are gunned down in front of them. He even told me about the sniper who shot him in the shoulder with an armor piercing round. Unfortunately, there were many recollections buried deep, or simply too horrific to put into words.
Slowly but surely I began to feel Remy's arms around me. "I-I'm sorry. I've been trying to ration my meds."
"These aren't multivitamins. You have to take them as prescribed during the day so you can sleep at the night."
"I hate having to take so much, makes my head so damn cloudy."
I helped Remy to his feet. "Let's sit on the sofa. Let me hold you for a while."
As we sat together I gently stroked Remy's back. "When it comes to the whole moving in thing- I'm not trying to be disrespectful. I practically live in the house. But as it stands I can't afford to live in the city."
"Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Remy sobbed into my shoulder. "I don't know why I said that."
"The moment a room opens up I'll make it official. If Monica lands the position in New York, then you and I can move into the main bedroom. We can put out an ad for a roommate to take the shared room. I'm sure that would satisfy your landlords. Maybe even get them to lower our portion of the rent since there would be four people instead of three. And I'm sure Abby would love to have a roommate of her own gender. Not that I don't notice how she looks at you."
Remy's voice went soft. "She wouldn't if she ever saw my actual body." He stood up and made his way back to the kitchen.
I groaned. Abby wasn't the only person who had not seen Remy's body since he came back to San Francisco. "What would have happened if you hadn't gone back to Israel? You were born in America. You wouldn't have gone to jail or anything."
Remy grabbed a nearby plate shattering it against the wall. "We've had this conversation hundreds of times! You think I wanted to go back?!" He winced as he grabbed his shoulder. "Oh, God," he muttered. "I need my pain medicine."
I followed him to the bathroom. "Take off your shirt, let me take a look."
"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Remy slammed the door so hard he clocked me in the face.
I gripped my eye in pain. "FUCK YOU REMY! You know, as you pointed out earlier it's been nearly a year since you came back to San Francisco. And during that time I have yet to see your body. When we make love all you ever do is take out your dick!"
I could hear him sobbing. "Go away! Go back to the park or wherever the fuck you live."
Now I was pissed. Yes, I was homeless. I lived out of my van. But for him to bring it up was hitting below the belt. "I KNOW YOU HAVE A PROSTHETIC LEG!"
Remy opened the door. His eyes narrowed as he stared me down. "Get- out."
"No."
He punched me in the face. I fell to the ground there was blood oozing from my nose. But I didn't care. I wasn't leaving.
"Hit me again." The blood coated my lips.
Remy looked away.
"I said hit me again!" Remy covered his face with his hand. My heart was breaking. "I'm sorry I always bring it up. It just, this is going to sound so stupid, if the roles were reversed I would have moved heaven and earth to stay with you.""I know you would."His answer brought a smile to my face. "You're here now and I need to learn to appreciate that."
Remy fidgeted with his ponytail, removing the hair tie "When I got out of the service I had a good life in Hawaii. I was making money, learning from some of the best chefs in the world. But when I heard from Aly that your dad had kicked you out, I knew I had to come back. I never stopped loving you."
"Let's go to your room. Abby won't be home for another three hours. We don't have to have sex. We can just relax together."
Remy handed me a towel. "Wash your face first."
I went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face. The bleeding was not as bad as it appeared. All cleaned up, I entered the bedroom.
I crept into bed next to Remy, taking in the scent of his hair. He smelled like a mixture of sweat and the herbs and spices of the deli he managed. "Where's the weighted blanket I bought for you?"
"It's under the bed."
The science said weighted blankets work by stimulating pressure points. But I always thought it was because they felt like being held by another human being. As I covered Remy with the blanket, I could hear him start to cry.
"Are you comfortable?" I asked.
Remy nodded.
I spooned Remy's back I moved my hands under my lover's shirt. Remy's breathing was beginning to stabilize. As a paramedic, I knew what I was feeling: surgical scars, skin grafts. Some scars were so thick it was clear his body had been nearly torn apart. "Are you in pain?"
"Physically no, it's been six years. I work out regularly and go the pain clinic every other week. Everything is healed, it's just I look like something out of a horror movie."
I moved my hands lower. I undid his belt opening his jeans. I reached in. Though his underwear I could his massive bulge. My lover wanted me as badly as I wanted him.
"I'm going to take my clothes off," I said, removing my hands from his body. "If you want to stay under the blanket you can stay under the blanket. I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do."
I peeled off my shirt keeping my back to Remy. He had a thing about my `wings'; black and grey, they curved over my shoulders and wrapped around my ribs. After removing my pants I laid on my stomach completely nude. (I never liked wearing underwear- too restrictive.) Immediately I felt the warmth of his palm as it moved over the lower tips of the wings on the back of my thighs.
Remy stroked upwards. "I still can't believe you let Aly tattoo your ass."
"Do you remember the first session, at her apartment? She had me take off all of my clothes and spread my legs while leaning over her dining room table."
Remy laughed. "She claimed she wanted to be able to visualize the final image."
"Do you remember what happened next? My body was so tense I needed a release, so Aly suggested you suck me off."
"I started to suck you off while she was doing the marker outline, but then as she started up her tattoo gun, she said put your fingers in his ass, make him come all over your face' and I said to her Not if you're about to have a needle in my boyfriend's ass!'"
We both laughed. After hearing Remy's words in regards to my safety, Aly turned off the gun because she did want to see me come all over her brother's face.
"I- I love you, Johnny.'' Remy removed his shirt while still under the blanket, tossing it to the floor. He paused for a moment, pulling the blanket close.
"I love you too. If you want we can have sex under the blanket."
"No," Remy closed his eyes as he removed the blanket. "I can't keep living my life like this, I need to trust you."
I put my lips to his beautiful skin, gliding my tongue to the scar from where the bullet that tore through his shoulder. I gave it a soft kiss. Remy moaned, hands reaching for his jeans.
"Let me," I whispered. I could already smell the sweat. Remy always wore briefs. He always said it was because he needed the support. I could see where was coming from. He had a good healthy sized sack that I was now massaging in my hand as I wrapped my lips around his seven-inch cock. More like eight inches, depending on how hard he is. Or rather how hard I could get him, with a nice tight cock ring on his beautifully circumcised manhood. Maybe I'll save that idea for later.
I massaged his hips as I lowered his, pants, just until I could see it. Remy's left leg had been amputated just below his hip.
"I had already taken a bullet to the shoulder," Remy whispered. "A rocket-propelled grenade hit a building behind me."
"We don't have to talk about it." The last thing I wanted was for him to have another episode, especially in his current state of undress.
"I don't feel anxious anymore. The building collapsed, my body was crushed under the rubble. I woke up in a hospital bed and my leg was gone," he said with a genuine smile.
"Can I take off your leg?" I asked.
Remy was laughing. "I would actually like that. You know that sensation; pins and needles- like when your foot goes numb."
"You feel that in your prosthetic leg?"
"All the fucking time- I know it's all in my head. Maybe if I see myself without my leg, in the presence of someone I trust, my messed up brain will take the hint."
I released the clamps that held Remy's prostheses in place. When the leg was removed Remy took a deep breath. The way his body was reacting was akin to someone stretching after a workout. "You're the first person to see me without my leg."
I licked Remy's thigh the same way I would his cock, kissing and sucking on the scar tissue of his stump. I could feel his muscles tense. "I need a condom." I wanted to be inside him. I wanted to make hot passionate love to my boyfriend.
"Johnny, please," Remy moaned. He sat up and put his arms around me.
"It will only take a second." I gently removed myself from his embrace. "And I'm going to need a lot of lube for all of the nasty things I want to do to you."
I reached over to his nightstand and picked out a ribbed condom along with a vibrating cock ring the came with the package and a bottle of water-based lube. I licked my palms. With one hand I massaged Remy's scrotum while the other pumped his shaft.
"Johnny quit teasing. I'm going to bust a nut."
I went in with my mouth. Remy gripped the sheets as I took Remy's entire length down my throat.
"I want you," Remy moaned.
I gave my lover's cock one last kiss on the tip. "Sorry," I chuckled, "whenever someone says that my mind goes straight to the Beatles' song." I walked my fingers down the scars on his thigh. "I want you..." I opened the condom with my teeth. "I want you so bad." I pulled the condom over my cock. "It's driving me mad, it's driving me mad."
I wasn't as big as Remy but I knew how to use what God gave me. I stretched the silicone cock ring. I knew the first hole was for my shaft the other I stretched over my testicles. I pressed the button to turn it on. "That was more intense than I expected." The sensation nearly knocked the wind out of me. "Let's see if there's a lower setting?"
Remy grabbed my hand. "No, leave it. I want you to fuck me hard. I want you to tear me up!"
"There will be no tearing of anything," I chuckled as I applied a generous amount of lube to my sheathed cock, rubbing it all over
I lifted Remy's leg placing it over my shoulder for deeper penetration. I rammed my cock in hard, going balls deep in his tight hole.
"That's what I'm talking about! Fuck me, make me your bitch!"
I held Remy's leg in place with one arm while my opposite hand went for Remy's shaft. My hand was covered in so much lube in anticipation of how vigorously I always liked to work his dick. Even in high school, my hand jobs were not for the faint of heart.
Remy took hold of my hand moving it to his stump. My fingers laced with his as together we massaged his scars. He pulled me close with his free arm. As our lips met I went straight for his tongue. The closer I was the harder I sucked on my lover's mouth. Balls deep in his ass, I could feel the cock ring rubbing against his hole, the harder I fucked him the tighter he became. "Remy, you're not my bitch," I said between breaths, "You're the love of my life."
I could feel my cum filling the condom. I was climaxing over and over. I kept fucking, savoring the sensation for as long as I could. I could feel the warm wetness as Remy shot his load all over his stomach. I reached down and hit the button to turn off the cock ring.
I laid by my lover's side gasping for air, my limp cock still deep in his ass. "You know, Remy, you were the reason why I became a paramedic." I moved my mouth to his. I wanted to kiss him, or maybe just to hold him. "I could only aspire to your level of courage."
Remy stroked my face. "I love you too, Johnny." Remy suddenly looked at the clock. "Shit, I need to start dinner."
I sat up, my cock slid from his hole. "Chill out, baby, I'll help. You take a shower, I'll finish up your sweet potato fries and I'll grill up some steaks or whatever you have the fridge." I began helping Remy reattach his leg. "You know how good of a cook I am, I learned from the best."
"How did you know I was going to grill up steaks?"
"Because I know you," I whispered as I remove the condom flinging it to the floor. "I know your food, your passion, your soul."***Two hours later, Monica and Abby arrived. "That smells amazing!" Monica exclaimed.
I was tenting the beef with aluminum foil. "Did anyone ask to speak to a manager today?"
"Piss off Johnny!" she shouted from her room. Monica emerged in a UCLA sweatshirt and jeans. "I'm kidding baby, you know I love you."
Abby was already opening a bottle of wine. Her blonde curls bounced. "Come on Monica tell them!"
"I'm not going to New York," she paused for dramatic effect, "I'm going to Honolulu!"
Remy lifted her up as he hugged her. "Congrats! You're going to love it."
"It gets better. Since the transfer is going to happen in less than a month I knew I needed a way for you all to make rent. So Abby and I found you a replacement roommate."
"Can I come in now?" a female voice shouted from the door.
Monica shook her head. "Abby, did you seriously make Crystal wait outside?"
Abby shrugged. "I thought it was supposed to be a surprise?" She opened the door to reveal a girl wearing a red shirt and khaki pants. Judging by her delicate features she was Chinese, maybe Korean.
She held out her hand to Remy. "I'm Crystal Chanwutthiwong, but you can call me C-C. I work with Monica at Target." The girl motioned at her clothing, "You probably already figured that out."
Remy smiled. "C-C, I like it. I'm Remy and this is my boyfriend Johnny V."
C-C shook my hand. "Johnny V? Are you a DJ?"
Her question was valid since I had changed out of my uniform to cook. "I'm actually a paramedic."
"That's cool. My brother's a firefighter."
Monica cleared her throat. "Anyway, with four roommates living here, you can split the rent four ways rather than three. And..." She handed an envelope to each of us. "I got it in writing that the total amount that you pay as a family will not be raised."
Remy smiled as he took his copy. "Johnny, I have something to ask you." The love of my life got down on one knee.
"I-I haven't even met your parents," I said as I wiped tears from my eyes.
"And I've never met yours. Those people don't matter, this is our family." Remy looked up at me. "Johnny, will you marry me?"
I nodded. There were so many thoughts rushing through my head even if I could speak, it would be gibberish.
Remy stood up and put his arms around me. "I'm not the hero, you are. I want to devote my life to being the man you deserve." He cupped my face pulling me in for a kiss. "You are safe." His lips grazed mine. "You are loved." Another soft kiss. "You are home."