Thanks again to all of you who took the trouble to write. Your comments are what kept me working at it.
Toby
Mark stood cradling Toby in his arms. Shawn and Josh stuffed their questions and stood off to the side to make room for the intensity and warmth of the reunion.
As Mark and Toby's world expanded to include their present surroundings, one question formed on each person's lips - how? How did it all happen?
When Shawn noticed Mark's face turn in his direction, he saw not only admiration and gratitude written there, but also the love that lay underneath. Mark's face telegraphed his feelings long before his words could catch up.
"Shawn, I didn't think it was possible for me to love you any more than I did. I was wrong. You opened up a whole new universe. There is no way I can ever thank or repay you for bringing my son back. I know that. I promised to share everything with you. Now, there's a whole lot more to share."
Both Mark and Shawn fought hard to hold back and save exploration of their feelings for a more private time.
The quizzical look that Toby shot Josh was returned with a shrug. Parents. Go figure.
Mark began again.
"Why don't we all sit down. I have a feeling that putting together the pieces of this particular puzzle is gonna take awhile. While we're doing that, let me get you guys something. Kitchen is stocked. Name your poison."
Josh answered first.
"Mark, save the champagne for the rednecks that patronize this fine establishment, I could do with a beer."
Both Shawn and Toby nodded their assent.
Shawn took the opportunity to give Toby a quick check and seemed satisfied with the results. Mark stoked the fire, seated everyone around it and served his guests. He took a deep breath and began.
"Shawn, when I told you what happened 20 yrs ago, I skipped the details. After 20 years there was only one detail that mattered. Toby was gone and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. I didn't really care about the rest. Now, looks like I gotta trot out the pieces and try to make 'em fit. Let's start at the beginning.
"Toby, after your attack, the medics got you to the closest hospital in the area. It wasn't very big, but we were in no position to be choosy. Since we lived pretty far out, you lost a lot of blood and were in shock for a long time before they got you. By the time my pickup made it to the hospital, you and your mamma were already in the emergency room. Doctors there were pretty close mouthed about your chances. Then a couple days went by and you still didn't come round. It wasn't real promising.
"Your momma and me lived in the ICU and slept in the waiting room. I couldn't keep food down, so I didn't bother to try. I took to doing non-stop caffeine to force myself awake. All that caffeine on top of no food or sleep turned me into a zombie. Your momma was too worried about you to pay any attention to what was going down with me. Besides, at that point, I was not on her all time favorite list. She blamed me for everything. It all got a little crazy
"I was the one that broke first. I took out my frustrations by punching a hole in the wall of your room. Some pretty big guys were on top of me before I did any more damage. They held me down while the doc put me out with something. When I woke up, I was in a hospital room too groggy to think straight. I don't know what they gave me, but it must have been pretty strong.
"I found out later that your momma told 'em I'd been acting unpredictable and she was worried about your safety. She told 'em she found a gun hidden in the truck and asked for protection. Toby, I don't care how crazy I got, I'd never lift a hand against you or your momma. Ya gotta believe me about that. I did have a gun in the truck, but I didn't hide it. I'm the one who taught your momma how to use it in case she ever needed to protect herself or you in the woods.
"When I woke up I was pissed as hell and not thinking too clearly. I told them I wanted to see my son, now! When the nurse came at me with another needle, I knocked him down, and headed for the door. That was all it took. Seems I was in a psychiatric unit where they've got beefy orderlies and drugs on their side. It was no contest. They kept me out of it for a couple days that time.
"When they let me come up for air, all I could think about was you. They wouldn't tell me anything about you. They told me a shrink was coming in to help me sort things out. I didn't like the sound of that, so soon as I could stand on my own, I tried to bust loose again. Almost made it out of the room, 'cept for one very big mistake. I was too spaced to remember to pull my punches. I did some very serious damage to one of the orderlies. He wound up in the hospital and I wound up in a prison ward at Mt. Marcy. They kept me there for a long time.
"Your momma came to see me once. It was short, but it sure as hell wasn't sweet. She said right off that it was me that killed you and added she never wanted to see my ugly face again. She brought along the divorce papers and said she was leaving the state. I begged her to tell me where you were buried. She got real red and spat in my face. What came out of her mouth next burned into my brain like it was written with a hot poker. I still remember every word.
"You killed him, now he's mine. He never woke up. They tried a bigger hospital but it didn't work. He died there. He's not buried anywhere. I got his ashes in a box and he's leaving with me. I was glad you weren't there. I hope this hurts you real bad for as long as you live."
She walked out and I never saw her again. I didn't have any reason to doubt her word. You were dead. My world ended that day. I didn't care about anything for a long time after that.
"Eventually, I got lucky 'cause a young doc took over my case. He was the curious type and wasn't too big on warehousing psych cases. He tried weaning me off the stuff they were giving me. He gave me different tests every week. Finally he did some digging and found out that my wife had signed the original permissions for psychiatric care and that after my arrest, things just stayed on the shelf. Turns out the orderly didn't want to have anything to do with the police or the courts once he got on his feet again, so the assault charge died a quiet death. In short, there was nothing standing between me and freedom but my attitude.
It took me a couple months, but I plugged away at it and was finally beginning to feel like my old self again. I started exercising, eating and thinking of something beyond getting through the next five minutes. To make a long story short, I was finally released and able to pick up my life again. I knocked around for a bit playing hermit in the woods and then decided I wanted to live. I bought this place, fixed it up and went into business. End of story. ..... Well, almost.
"Things changed big time last fall when I met Shawn here. He helped me let go of the pet ghosts I was keeping. Man, that was the best it had ever been. When you walked through that door, Toby, I knew that, good as it was, it was second best. This is the best, right now, I've got my son and I've got my buddy. I'm a family man again."
Mark looked at Toby and then at Shawn and grinned his ass off. Mark was finished but there was obviously more to the story. Eyes turned to Toby.
"Dad, Josh, Dr. McGreggor, I know it's my turn, but could you hang on just a little longer. I'm on overload here and I gotta leave it alone for awhile. I feel like my dad does. I found out I got a family again and I'd just like to enjoy being with you all.
"Dad, I spent my whole life thinking about you, remembering every detail, memorizing you so I wouldn't ever forget. Now that I've got the real thing back, I never want to pass up a chance to tell you what you mean to me. I fucking love you more than anything in the world. I never let go of that. Remembering you kept me alive and fighting.
"Thing is, I didn't know if I'd ever be able to let anyone else into my life, 'cause I was so afraid I'd lose 'em. I didn't think I had all that much to offer anyway. That is until I met Josh here. He's taught me a lot about being a buddy.
"Dr. McGreggor, I owe you a lot for taking an interest in me, for treating me when I couldn't afford to pay you, for actually convincing me that a future as anything like a normal person was even possible for a guy like me. You were a dad to me when I needed it. You fought with me, pushed me and refused to let me let go of hope. You even put up with me when I was acting like a spoiled brat. I do remember the trouble I started right before they put me out."
When Mark and Josh looked confused, Toby filled them in on the story of his getting even with Shawn in the OR. Then Toby looked at Josh and continued.
"You have a pretty awesome son here too. Josh made me feel like I was worth all the fuss. I mean, he could have treated me like just another patient and never made the effort get at what was inside. But he did go out of his way and I feel more alive than I have in a long time."
Now it was Josh's turn to blush. But he smiled at Toby and was obviously enjoying his buddy's display of affection.
Shawn turned to Mark with raised eyebrows and shrugged shoulders. Communicating parent to parent, Mark added upturned palms that indicated that he didn't have a clue either.
During Toby's recital, Shawn had surprised a look of almost worship on Mark's face and began to blush furiously.
"Mark, I didn't know this guy was your son. I wish I could say I did it all for my buddy, but I can't. I totally did not have a clue."
"Shawn, you just don't get it, do you. Guess you're too close. I knew you were a good man, I just didn't realize how good. This isn't the first time you've done this kind of thing is it. I mean taking care of somebody just because they needed it and not because you expected to get paid for it."
"Mark, a lot of guys do that in every profession. I'm no hero."
"You are to me, buddy."
Josh interjected. "Guys, I'm really sorry to break up this admiration society, but has anybody thought about food?" He and Toby made rude snorting noises.
Shawn grinned. "Did I tell you that junior here never left adolescence? Better put a lock on that refrigerator, Mark. Josh has been known to go through a week's worth of groceries in one night."
Toby came to his buddy's rescue. "I know you geezers don't remember what real food's like, with yer teeth missing 'n all. Josh 'n me promise to leave the applesauce and pureed prunes alone."
"Shawn, you think they're too old to spank."
"Mark, last thing I'd wanna do with these two cubs is get 'em excited. They may be dumb, but they're big. Comes from cleaning out refrigerators on a regular basis, I imagine." Shawn grinned.
"Wanna call the child abuse hotline, Toby?"
"Aw, leave em alone, Josh. Just give em a second, they'll loose their train of thought and we're in the clear."
The rest of the evening dissolved into insults and horseplay. When it came time to turn in, Josh insisted on checking out Toby's room personally. He made him practice getting to the toilet and back on his walker and then laid him on his bed. He began to work his knee again and concluded with a massage. Somewhere during the procedure they both lapsed into silence.
The night was surreal winter. The rapid snowfall with its drifts against the window pane revived childhood's eager anticipation: snow days when normal life was put on hold and the world became quiet and white. Inside, the warmth dressed itself in yellow light and blanketed the two buddies with a sense of peace and security.
"Josh?"
"Yeah?"
"This is so peaceful. Could you turn out the lamp and just leave that candle lit in the window."
"Sure, man."
Task accomplished, Josh returned to his kneading. Slowly the air gathered an electric charge. Both Toby and Josh could feel it. Like small flashes of lightening before a thunderstorm, sparks jumped wherever Josh's hands moved.
"Hold me, Josh. Please?"
Josh moved up from Toby's legs and gathered his torso into his arms.
"I meant what I said earlier, Josh. Being with you has made me feel more excited about being alive than I have ever been in my life. Thank you."
"Toby, I confess that it's not all altruism on my part. Being with you does the same thing for me. Why do you think I arranged it so I could be here? I didn't want to be away from you.
"I've never said anything like this to another guy before, so I'm not gonna be very good at it. But, after hearing what you said to your dad about not letting any chance go by, I've gotta try. I can't let this one slip away.
"Toby, I have feelings for you I've never had for a guy before. They're getting stronger every day, man. I can't help it, they're just there. When I touch you fireworks go off inside. I want to be near you and touch you. I want to be more than your friend. You are erotic as hell to me. At night I dream about you. I know this sounds pretty scary, but I want you, man, real bad.
"There. I've said it. If you want to get somebody else to take care of you now, I understand. If you want me to go back with my dad, I'll understand that too."
Josh hung his head and waited like a condemned man for the verdict.
"Josh, hasn't anything I've been trying to say to you got through? Can't you feel me respond when you touch me? Remember who it was that suggested we turn out the lights tonite? I never thought I'd fall for another guy, and the word for that still scares the hell outta me, but I can't deny how I feel or who I am. I love you, man, and I don't mean like a brother. Just seeing you makes my insides go crazy. The only thing that scares me more than the word "gay" is what you just said about leaving me. Josh, I don't want you ever to leave. I know I sound like a B movie, but I gotta say it. I love you, Josh. I love you with all my heart."
While Toby was speaking, Josh's head lifted slowly until he was looking at Toby. Each leaned forward. When their lips met tentatively, the unspoken question, is this really ok, was answered. When they could no longer hold back what was inside, the hole in the dike exploded and the trickle became a torrent.
"Toby?"
"Yeah?"
"Where do we go from here? I want you, but I don't want to blow this and turn you off."
"Josh, for a man with your education, you're really a dumb shit. You can't do anything that's gonna turn me off. Touch me, hold me and I'll do the same with you. I'm as hard as a rock and I can feel you are too. I want to be naked with you. I don't want anything between us. If you're anywhere's half as horny as you look, all we gotta do from there is what comes naturally.
"We gotta be careful about your leg, though, Toby. Here, let me help you out of your stuff."
"I fell for a PT with just this situation in mind. And, I get to take your clothes off too. I've been fantasizing about that for too long."
They undressed each other slowly, gently, their touches a fusion of curiosity and desire.
Somewhere Toby commented: "Josh, you ain't gonna see anything you haven't seen before."
"Todd, this ain't no anatomy lesson, I'm learning more about my li'l buddy."
"When your dad called me that, I wanted to throw something. When you do it, I melt inside ... big buddy."
"Yeah, that's what I am, yer big buddy. Now I'm the one that's a puddle inside."
When they were completely naked, Josh carefully lay down next to Toby and slid his arm under his head. They experimented with each other and were surprised to discover how erotic their nipples could be.
"I never knew it felt good there for guys", commented Toby.
"Me neither. But there's nothing like learning from experience."
"Then let's learn some more."
Toby ran the balls of his fingers around Josh's nipples one more time.
In another part of the cabin, neither Josh nor Toby had noticed that Shawn had slipped into Mark's room at the end of the evening.
"Whaddya think's goin on with the pups, Mark?"
"Good thing your patients are asleep most of the time. You have all the sensitivity of a rock when it comes to noticing what's going on between people."
"Ann Landers you're not, Moose. Your point is ... ?"
"Have you turned off that machine you call a brain long enough to notice how Josh looks at Toby. Or how Toby responds?"
"What about 'em?"
"Shawn, buddy, physician extraordinaire, they're fuckin' falling for each other."
"Yer shittin' me!"
"Nope. My only question is whether or not they know it yet."
"Think it would help if we talked with 'em?"
"Slick, in case it has escaped your notice, that slab of beef you call a son is no longer a little boy and would get really pissed if daddy stepped into his love life. The only talk we're got any right to have with those two is about us. And that one will have to wait 'till they're ready. Hell, it'll have to wait 'till we're ready."
"I been thinking about that. You're right. If they're gonna be spending all this time up here, it could get kinda awkward if we don't come clean."
"I agree, but let's play that one by ear. There's enough stuff goin on. We don't need to complicate things any further just yet."
"As usual, yer right. And speaking about us, Moose, ya feelin frisky?"
"I had all I could do not to ambush you earlier, Slick"
"I could do with a good hot shower. Wanna risk it?"
"Let's check on the younger generation first. If the coast is clear, let's go fer it."
"Last I heard Josh was gonna get Toby settled for the night."
"Better let me look. Your stealth mode leaves a lot to be desired."
"OK, Sherlock the Wonder Bear - go fer it."
Mark stepped out of the room for a few minutes. When he returned he was grinning.
"What?"
"Buddy, judging by the noises coming from Toby's room, it's a little late for the father/son talk."
"You don't mean ......."
"I do mean! And it's got me fucking horned up as hell. Into the showers, Slick before I lick ya clean right here."
"Well I'll be ...."
"Naked? Remember, it was your idea."
Shawn giggled
"Buddy, call me a fuckin' perv, but it's got me so horned up I may not make it to the showers"
Mark and Shawn found their way using the seven watt glow of night lights.
Once under the warm water, Mark stood behind Shawn in the darkness and surrounded him with his bulk. He moved his whole body up and down Shawn's length trying to touch every part at the same time. Mark sighed.
"This is what I've been aching for since Christmas."
Shawn drew Mark's arms tighter around him like a blanket.
"Buddy, just hold me like this for awhile. I want my body to remember this when it gets back to New York."
Mark draped himself protectively around Shawn and gave himself up to the feelings he had been holding back all afternoon. Shawn could feel a warm wetness dropping to his shoulders that was not from the showerhead. He knew its origin when he felt Mark convulsing in soundless sobs.
"Hey, buddy. It's ok. You got him back, he's safe. Time to close out that chapter forever."
"I know that, Shawn. My body's just taking a little longer to catch up. And that's not all. I can't believe I've got my paws around the miracle that made it all happen."
At this point, Mark ran rough, callused hands over Shawn, over his shoulders, his chest, his pecs. They kneaded his abs, and cupped his glutes. They came 'round his middle again and began to caress his hardness.
" I'm thinking that at the same time you were healing my life, you were healing Toby's. Buddy, you were helping us both knit ourselves back together. I want to make love to you. I need to make love to you. I want to get so far inside you that we're the same person. I don't have words to describe how much I need to be part of you right now."
Mark had been drooling precum since they had undressed. His head was slick with it and it pooled at the end of his foreskin. He began rubbing himself along Shawn's crack, groaning into Shawn's neck, and coaxing out Shawn's own wetness with his work roughened hands. Their bodies had learned their own rhythm when they were together and they slid into that now.
Mark's need became more insistent as his head emerged from its cover to slick Shawn's entrance with his liquid welcome mat. His head darted into Shawn's rosebud leaving his gift of smooth wetness behind.
During one of those thrusts, Shawn's hunger drove his rosebud to capture its guest, drawing Mark inside.
Mark felt Shawn's intense heat surround him and he let out a small cry.
"So beautiful, Sean. You are so incredibly fucking beautiful, There are no more secret places inside me. I'm completely naked to you now. I want to dissolve in you.
Mark began sliding out slowly until the flange of his head was at Shawn's ring and then started his entry again. There was something about their coming together this time that opened new depths inside each. Mark continued to stroke Shawn wanting to share his pleasure. When they got close, both backed off and began to edge. Shawn worked his muscles around Mark buried inside, flexing rhythmically to keep him on the edge. Mark played with Shawn's dick moving by instinct, long stroking it, squeezing it, head swirling it, alternating with short quick jerks. They stayed there for a long time, the innocence in their abandonment to prolonged mutual pleasure drawing them closer than they had ever been.
Neither man felt the need for words as he released himself completely to the other. Mark moved with long thrusts, while Shawn held him deep inside as they soared and shuddered to the accompaniment of their own private thunder. Man with man, seed given and received, life offered and accepted.
Josh had never held any dick other than his own. He explored Toby with a mixture of curiosity, raw need and a kind of reverence. Josh discovered that, since Toby was cut, his buddy's head was not supersensitive like his own. He could touch and explore it as much as he wanted.
Toby, on the other hand, had never seen a foreskin. He covered and uncovered Josh's head hardening further as he imagined that velvet glove sliding over his own head. Since both of them were strong leakers, there was enough natural lube to accompany their expeditions. The bond of trust between them was strong enough to support the freedom for play. Like toddlers with crayons and a blank wall, they explored all the colors.
Josh felt very protective toward Toby as he drew him into an embrace. When their mouths found each other again, any lingering inhibitions were burned away and they released weeks of dammed-up desire. They became young animals driven by their need for one another. Throughout there was a curious mixture of raw need and gentleness in their concern for the tender areas each had exposed to the other.
Josh trailed his mouth down Toby's chest, his tongue lapping and tasting his friend on its way. When he reached Toby's pubes, Josh took a breath and jumped off into the deep water. He licked around his buddy's shaft while continuing to move his fingers over his knob. He ran his tongue up Toby's cum tube to the underside of his head and bathed it in wetness. He looked up at his buddy as if for permission and then took all of him into his mouth.
Toby moaned, and feverishly drew Josh closer, his eyes reflecting his lust and his love. Josh's dick now pulsed in front of Toby's face. He grasped it marveling that for this moment, it was the path into his buddy's soul. His tongue moved to the rosebud of Josh's skin expanding it as it slid inside. He was rewarded with a gasp. He continued washing the underside of his buddy's head knowing the pleasures there and offering them as his gift.
Both men wanted their bonding in pleasure to last as long as they could hold it, but inexperience and nature began to take over. As much as they tried to hold back, they felt themselves approaching the point of no return. Arms reflexively gathered one another in close as they allowed their pleasure to peak. The generous sap of youth spurted forcefully and freely as for the first time each shared the gift of his seed with a buddy.