I'd been driving for an hour around town, looking out intensely for Jacob. I stopped when I came across the place we first met for a quick look inside.
I could still remember how I felt the first time I ever lay my eyes on him.
I was having a drink with a friend one evening and we went to a bar called Logo. It was a modern place with stupidly high prices. I was chatting away with my friend when I glanced across the room.
I think I actually stopped breathing for a moment as I my eyes locked intensely onto him.
I couldn't take my eyes away. I was utterly drawn to his beauty.
His tailored shirt tightly fitted, over his defined shoulders and stomach. It emphasised the perfect shape of his body.
He had vivid green eyes framed by long feathery eyelashes. They were such pretty, glossy eyes.
I guessed his age to be around early twenties, but his strong jaw and cheekbones matured his face. The contours of it were immaculate and made him look so god damn stunning.
His skin looked incredibly smooth and tanned. It even shimmered slightly under the light. It complimented his short shiny dark hair. Hair styled to perfection; looking both effortless and faultless.
"Wow." I gasped to myself quietly.
He turned and looked at me, his eyes meeting mine.
In that moment my complete surroundings literally vanished. All I could see and feel was his eyes.
The sudden sensation that overwhelmed me felt so powerful; I almost wanted to glance away for relief.
They were amazing to look into; they were so beautifully bright and mesmerising.
I felt completely fixated on them, until he pulled his gaze away.
I missed the feeling of those eyes in mine instantly. The feeling of them encased me, making me oblivious to everything else. I'd never felt anything so intense before.
It wasn't until a few drinks later when I plucked up the courage to try and chat him up.
I immediately adored his voice and his laughter. Not to mention his smile, which was infectious and bloody gorgeous.
We hit it off straight away and soon swapped numbers to arrange a date. The rest is, as they say, history.
My bottom lip quivered as I realised that I could have seriously lost my life with Jacob. I couldn't find him anywhere and I had no idea if he was even ok, and if he were would he even take me back?
Since I'd had no luck as yet I headed out onto the back roads in search for him, and it was then when I had a brainwave.
The cemetery.
Jacob had to be there surely.
He only went there nowadays if he was feeling particularly down, unlike about two years ago where he would go almost daily. Jacob had gradually become less and less dependent on visiting his brothers' grave for comfort, though it hadn't been an easy change for him.
His brother died not long before Jacob and I moved out together. They had been very close and so it took a serious toll on Jacob. I'd tried my best to help him through it, and in the past year he only went to visit the grave if he really felt like there was no one else.
The last time Jacob went to his brothers' grave it was after a heated row with his father. I'd stupidly sided with Steve so he drove off and I knew straightaway where too.
How I'd not figured he'd be there this time I have no idea. All I know is that not turning up sooner wasn't going to work in my favour for making amends with him.
As I got to the Church I saw Jacob's car parked outside near the main front gate.
I dumped my car behind his and frantically got out and ran to Danny's grave.
It was right at the back of the cemetery and it was a while before I could even see it in the distance; with Jacob sat beside it.
I slowed down to catch my breath when I was about four rows away from where Danny lay.
I could see the tears running from Jacobs's puffy eyes and his lips quivering as they gave way to little whimpers.
I'd never seen him look so upset; he looked as though he'd been crying for hours. He was sat on the ground next to Danny's headstone, with his knees tucked beneath his chin and hugging them as he trembled.
I felt my own eyes moisten as I instinctively wanted to wrap my arms around him and comfort him, but I knew I would be pushed away.
I had done this to him. I had caused the love of my life to crumble into an emotional mess. I'd made Jacob feel that rejected, hurt and alone that he'd turned to only his dead brother for comfort. Why hadn't he gone to his Dad's –someone who could at least hug him and give him a shoulder to cry on?
As I slowly approached Jacob, he didn't look up or seem to acknowledge that I was there, so I gingerly crouched down beside him.
He still didn't move his stare away Danny's headstone, and I didn't know if to gently touch him or speak to him to let him know he was no longer alone.
Tears were now trickling down my face as I saw close up what my cheating ways had done to the man I loved.
I cautiously put my arm around Jacobs shoulders and surprisingly he didn't resist. He actually leant into me slightly before resting his face in my neck. I put my cheek against his as he began to cry and grab tightly at my shirt.
I cried with him. I was beyond relieved that I'd finally found him alive and safe, and to top it off he wasn't yet rejecting my affection.
"I love you so much." I whispered to him, as I held on tighter to his quivering body.
We ended up staying that way for what I think was about an hour, sat on the cold ground clutching at each other until our tears eventually stopped flowing.
Jacob then began shuffling a little in my hold so I relaxed my grip and he pulled away. He wiped his tired eyes while still not looking at me.
I felt broken. The distance he was clearly trying to keep between us was horrible. I needed to see those eyes sparkle again, along with his cheeky grin, which reminded me he adored me. He may have let me hold him, but I could tell he was tensed and hesitant.
Jacob stood up slowly and began to speak while staring hard at the ground.
"I'm going to my Dad's." He croaked.
"Come back home," I urged, "so we can talk."
But Jacob shook his head then turned to walk away.
I walked alongside him and tried to take his hand but he wouldn't let me.
"Please Jacob," I said quietly, "Come home."
He sniffed and wiped his eyes again, continuing to say nothing to my pleas.
I followed him to his car, praying he would tell me he was coming home before getting in it.
"I'll send my Dad round to get some stuff for me." He uttered with a breaking voice.
"No Jacob, please," I begged, "We need to talk. We need to sort things out."
"I'm not ready to talk to you." He whimpered, still refusing to look at me.
"When...when can we...?" It was my turn for my voice to break, I felt desperate for Jacob to give me a chance to explain. I wanted to hug him, to kiss him and make him smile again.
Jacob just shrugged.
"Come round tomorrow...please? I want us to talk...I need to explain...please Jacob?" I pleaded.
He turned and opened his car door, but stopped before getting inside.
"Ok." He whispered, before getting in his car and driving away.
To be continued...
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