With Love We Can be Human By James
Disclaimer
This is a story which deals with sexual as well as romantic situations between teenaged males. Should you be offended by such material, or if you're not of the legal age to read such stories, then please find something else to read.
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Chapter 6
Brandon
Later that night, I put my book aside and after dinner, I thought back to when Torey and I got dressed again after feeling one another's bodies, though we got undressed again, as he did ask me to give him a massage. I did this and it was amazing to feel his body in a whole new way when I pressed gently and massaged the tension from his muscles.
We talked for a bit after dressing when we touched one another's bodies, then he looked at me and asked with a sweet smile if I'd give him a massage. He told me that if I wanted, he'd return the favor and I immediately agreed and we removed our clothes again. He lay down on the bed on his stomach and I straddled his legs and leaned above him, then began kneading his shoulders and pressing in with my thumbs as I moved across them, then down his back and then I massaged his arms, legs and feet, then he turned on his back so I could do his front.
"That feels really good Brandon," he said softly. "Have you done that before?"
"No, but I've heard things over the years about how to do it, so I kept them in my memory for a rainy day," I replied.
I had heard about how to do massages in Health Classes and though they were talking about it within the context of massage therapy, I took it in a rather romantic direction, and the more horny part of my mind added its contribution and so I filed all that away for future use.
I rubbed on Torey's chest softly, then pressed in as I stroked. I did the same for his stomach, the front of his thighs and the fronts of his legs, then I lay down so he could do the same for me and he copied much of what I did which felt amazing.
"I love that," I said as he worked on my front.
"I'm glad you do," he said. "Aren't you glad you agreed to do that for me?"
He said that last part with a smart-ass smile, then he looked at me with a loving look.
"You really do love fucking with me don't you," I said laughing softly.
"Yeah," he replied. "It's just something about you that makes me feel comfortable to do that."
"Well, we both know we're joking when teasing one another, so that helps," I responded.
By this time, he was massaging my legs, the fronts of them anyway, then he finished with massaging both my feet, then we dressed again and held one another close and continued talking. Soon though, he left and I was by myself again, at least in so far as I was in my room.
Thinking of all that made me horny and I took off all my clothes again and jacked off while thinking about Torey rubbing my body, but of course, I added some things. I imagined him moving back up after massaging my feet and leaning over and massaging and stroking my cock and my balls. I also thought about him leaning his head over and going down on me slowly. The thoughts about the slow wet sliding of his mouth first over the head of my cock, then down until he was at the end of it felt so real that my orgasm was closer now.
I thought about him moving up and down on me and deep-throating me like before. His mouth would move off my shaft and he'd stop for a moment to lick it and my balls slowly and lovingly. This brought me closer to the edge, then I imagined him sliding his mouth down over my cock again and going faster and adding more suction. That's all it took and I felt my orgasm hit me, and hard.
My ass raised up off the bed and I moved my head then let out a loud scream with my mouth pressed hard in to the pillow so my parents and brother wouldn't hear and I let myself go. I figured that it was four or five thick spirts of cum that landed on my chest and stomach, then two or three more dribbled out on to my hand. I fell back on the bed completely drained and I took my hand and licked some of the cum off it. I'd do that sometimes, taste myself and that evening, I was really in the mood for it. I licked my hand until it was free of my cream, then scooped up the rest of it off my stomach, chest and the rest that was on my cock and some that had collected where my left thigh and balls met. All while that was going on, I imagined that it was Torey's cum that I was consuming and that made me feel a little tingly in my cock, but not enough to go for round two. After washing my hands and getting another shower, I dressed in a t-shirt and boxers and fell exhausted and content in to bed. I was asleep in minutes.
0000
Austyn
The woods were quiet that Saturday evening and I thought back on when I had texted Brandon earlier in the day about getting together on Sunday. I knew that it would be a heavy visit and I worried about it. The biggest thing bothering me was how he would take what I had to share with him. I hoped that he would be understanding, but I still worried about whether or not he'd get self-righteous with me, given how I hurt him a while back.
I'm of course referring to when we were 13 and he had come out to me as gay. I remember that day and what feelings came alive in me that I was trying to ignore all that time. When he told me of knowing he was gay, I immediately thought about the thoughts I had been having, the ones I tried to resist first by thinking more about girls, then by way of associating with the two boys who were drawing me in to their anti-gay worldview.
When Brandon told me about himself, the thoughts of him and I doing sexual stuff with one another rushed back to me and I became really scared and afraid. That's when I told him the stuff I did and left him there crying and upset. It still bothered me and though he and I talked about it when my parents brought me to him, we hadn't really talked about it since that time, but over the past year as my own feelings towards guys became stronger and stronger, I couldn't keep it in much longer and after lying in bed a few weeks ago thinking about being with other guys, not just sexually, but being with a guy in a relationship and all that it entailed, I was losing the will to fight it, but more than that, I was growing closer and closer to accepting myself and after a few more nights of thinking, I sat up slowly in bed on a Friday night and looked deeply in to the darkness.
"I'm gay," I whispered, then said a little louder, but not to where my parents could hear. "I'm gay."
I then thought about how I treated Brandon once again, then began sobbing hard and I lay back down and pressed my face in to the pillow so no one would hear me. I let the thoughts of that day work themselves through my head again, then they as well as my tears tapered slowly, then stopped and I turned on my stomach and after a few minutes, was asleep deeply. I was finally at the point of accepting myself for who I really was and the peace it brought was wonderful.
I got up from the spot I was sitting in near the two tall oak trees where I'd go to think sometimes and I returned to the house. My mom and dad were in the living room and my dad was typing stuff on his laptop, probably stuff for work. He worked as a manager for one of the banks in the city and my mom worked at the hospital as one of the doctors. They both enjoyed their careers and I was happy to see that. I was still trying to work out in my mind what I wanted to do and was slowly coming to the decision of what I wanted to do with my life.
"I'm home," I said coming in to the living room.
They greeted me and I sat down across from them. My mom was seated to the left of me on the couch while my dad sat to her left typing a couple more things, then he closed the computer and put it on the coffee table. My mom put down her book and I decided that I'd talk to them now. I figured that they'd be fine with me being gay, but I still worried about being reproached by all of them, Brandon included for how I acted towards him that one time.
"I wanted to talk to you guys for a few minutes," I said nervously.
They agreed and I took a couple of deep breaths, then continued.
"You guys asked me a few times over the past couple of years if there were any girls I was interested in and then you asked the same, but about any boys and you said it was just in case," I continued.
"Yeah," my dad said. "Needless to say that with Brandon, we've learned even more than we already have not to just ask the usual questions about crushes and feelings for girls."
"You seemed to take it well about when we'd ask you about boys," my mom interjected. "Obviously you had a slight bit of discomfort in your eyes when telling us you didn't have any feelings for other boys, but you still took the question better than we imagined."
"Well, you were right to ask the question in that way," I said. "I'm not in to girls, but I like them as only friends. Um, I'm gay."
They came over to hug me and I got rather emotional and they held me as I let out my tears. After I stopped crying, I dried my eyes and they sat on either side of me once I moved to the couch and they had their arms around me as we began talking about everything that had lead up to this point.
"We wondered if you were a couple of times," my dad said. "I wondered about that along with the usual questions of whether or not you just hadn't found the right girl to like and stuff like that."
"I wondered the same," my mom said,.
"Then we also wondered about that, especially when you and Brandon had problems when he came out to you," my dad went on. "More than the problems, we started questioning amongst ourselves if you might be gay, given how easily you gravitated towards the two boys you hung out with for a while back when you were 13."
"It just didn't seem like the type of boys you'd want to be around when we first met them," my mom added.
I explained everything about how I realized that I was more interested in boys when I was 10, but mainly how I liked seeing them with their shirts off, then when I turned 13, the sexual attractions came around and how it scared me, given that I was starting middle school and thinking seriously about getting in to sports at the time and all that that environment entailed or could entail at certain points with the masculinity in those sort of groups. I also went on to explain about how I got so afraid of my feelings that I tried thinking more and more of girls, then eventually it seemed like it would be easy to be a good idea to run from my feelings by hardening myself towards people who were GLBT and it started mainly when I met the two boys back then. I also explained what I was feeling when Brandon came out to me and the feelings I had towards him off and on in the months leading up to that moment.
"You clearly didn't know how to deal with that and you turned the fear and anger about that on him," my mom added.
"That's right," I agreed.
"We're just glad you've grown up from that time and that you're talking to us and sharing all this with us," my dad responded.
"So am I," I replied.
0000
Brandon
The next day after church and after we had lunch out at one of our favorite family-owned restaurants, I came home and called Austyn to let him know that I would be able to meet with him around 4:00 P.M. that afternoon. He and I talked about getting together the day before, but we hadn't agreed on a time yet and then after my mom talked to his mom and they agreed on a couple of times, Austyn and I decided on the right time and so I was going to meet him at the ice-cream store where we would get some ice-cream and then we'd probably head over to the park where we usually would hang to talk or do some running.
Once seated with our ice-cream, I looked at his Dark-Chocolate that had chocolate chips in it and smiled.
"The usual?" I asked then looked up at him.
"Yeah, that's me," he answered. "The creature of habit. Anyway, thanks for getting together with me for this."
"You're welcome," I replied. "It's good to see you."
"Good to see you as well," he replied.
Once we finished our ice-cream, we left and we were at our spot on our favorite bench where I sat with him leaning back on the seat for a few minutes. I took in his golden-blond hair which was cut short, but still with enough length that it was slightly below his ears and a couple of inches above his eyes. I looked at his sea-green eyes and his full-red lips and smooth clean face, then I looked straight ahead where kids ran and played while throwing around a ball.
He had a nice body, that was 6-1, and around 170 LBs with it mostly muscle from him working out. There was a light dusting of hair on his legs as well as a little hair just starting to grow on his chest that I could see when his shirt would be off sometimes, as well as there being not much hair to speak of on his arms. He was cute, and while I thought of him a couple of times briefly while jacking off, I was definitely not thinking of him in terms of relationship material or anything like that. Now though, I was completely focused on Torey and where that might go, where I hoped it would go. I was brought out of my thoughts when Austyn leaned forward and looked at me.
"I wanted to talk to you for a bit," he said leaning close to me.
"Okay," I replied.
"You know we've been friends for a long time," he began. "I know that there was that time where I hurt you and even though it lasted for a day, I'm sure it felt like much longer than that to you. It did to me as well."
"You're talking about when you said the stuff to me that you said back then when I came out to you?" I asked. "It did hurt me and I felt bad, as I never would have expected that from you. I forgave you for that though, and I hope you haven't been beating yourself up about it even still to this day."
"Sometimes I feel guilty," he answered. "It's not like I sit in my room for hours on end hating myself or anything like that, but I still sometimes remember what I said to you and how I acted in the months leading up to that when you'd see me with those guys. I'm sure that made you feel bad inside, as you probably were afraid of what I'd say if you came out to me."
"Yeah, I did have some fear about that, but that's over for me now," I said. "If you're feeling bad about how you treated me back then, I really do forgive you and I don't want you beating yourself up about it. I really don't."
I put an arm around his shoulders and he leaned in and let himself be held for a moment. I let go after a few minutes and he didn't cry; he looked relieved.
"I want to tell you why I've brought all this up," he began.
0000
Austyn
I explained from the beginning, everything I've already talked about above, and then I waited for a moment. Brandon looked at me and then took one of my hands and held it as I waited to continue.
0000
Brandon
I held Austyn's hand while he waited to continue what he had to say, then he leaned his face close to me and continued.
"I'm gay Brandon," he said.
I hugged him and he held on tightly for a few minutes, then relaxed and I continued to hold him, and hoped that he was okay.
After a few more moments, he moved and I knew he wanted me to let go of him. I let him go and then he leaned back against the backrest of the bench and I leaned with him and looked at him.
"I'm proud of you facing this and allowing your true self to come out and show itself," I said putting an arm around him.
"So am I," he replied.
"You've come a long way," I went on. "I'm glad you've allowed yourself to grow up and that you've stopped allowing fear to control a huge part of your life."
"I'm glad of that as well," he answered. "I'm glad that you've been accepting of me. I was a little worried that you'd ask me something like how I thought I had the right to come to you about this, given how I acted back then. You didn't and that makes me love you more, as a friend obviously."
We laughed and then shared a hug.
"I know what you meant," I said when we separated. "I love you like another brother and I always will. I'd never make you feel guilty like that. You have every right to come to me about anything and I'm glad that you did with this."
"Me too," he answered. "I'll always remember that I can come to you."
"Good," I responded and hugged him again, before we finished our visit.
Once back at the house, I talked to Zack in his room and since Austyn said that I could tell Zack and my family about him, I was now doing that.
"I figured that he was all this time," Zack began. "I just didn't want to say anything and rush things. " I didn't want him feeling like he was being forced to share things he wasn't comfortable with talking about yet.
"Yeah," I agreed. "I wondered, but wanted to give him time and it seems that he's ready now. Now whether or not he wants a boyfriend, that's a different story."
"He'd probably be better to wait for a bit and make sure he's fully accepted himself first," Zack said. "I mean, it might be different with everyone, but that would probably be the best way to do it. I wouldn't want him rushing in to anything with any guy who says all the right things to him."
"Neither would I," I answered.
"We talked a little more, then there was a few minutes of silence. I was laying on Zack's bed while he was sitting in his desk chair organizing some files on his laptop. I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the bed and was sitting there now, just watching him.
He turned from the desk and got up. He came over and sat beside me and put an arm around me for a second.
"So how's things with you and Torey?" he asked.
"They're good," I replied.
I went on to explain how I was feeling more and more attracted to him and that it was hard not to think about him.
"Do you think he feels the same way?" he asked.
"I get the feeling he does," I answered.
I left out how we rubbed our erections together a couple of times as well as us touching one another's cocks the day before though.
"I hope it all works out for you guys as friends, but also as more than that if that's where it's going," he responded.
"Thanks Zack," I answered and hugged him. "So do I."
I went back to my room and read for a bit, then after a shower and dinner, I got in bed and fell quickly asleep.
0000
Ryan
Ryan and Beth sat in the office where they had to meet with Ryan's case worker named Tina. Tina was one of those types of case workers who had no problem recommending placement in various state-run institutions for kids with mental issues, learning disabilities and other issues regardless of whether or not they were being cared for and being cared for well by family. She had been working on Ryan's case since he was 12 and he didn't like her, and though his mom tried to be kind about it, the truth was that she didn't like her either. She tried to explain several times that Ryan was being cared for properly and not just that, but that he was happy where he was living and that she and his Uncle Karl were providing a safe and loving home for him, at least in so far as Karl was involved, but Beth made sure to impress upon her that she was doing a good job caring for and raising Ryan as a single mother. Tina would have none of it and continued to recommend placement for Ryan all the years she worked with him.
Beth knew what the euphemism was for though, she understood that it was nothing more than a code word for Ryan being placed in to one of the state hospitals which housed many kids, most of whom had anything from learning impairments to far more serious things such as suicidal ideations and control issues where they couldn't very well regulate their anger and rage. As far as Beth was concerned, Ryan wasn't going to go to one of those places, not as long as she was alive and even when she passed on and provided that Ryan was still alive by then, she was already planning for other family members who loved and cared about him to take him in should something happen to her. This still didn't sit well with Tina and as Beth sat there with Ryan in the waiting room of the family services building, she began thinking of ways to investigate Tina and why she was aggressively pushing institutionalization when it wasn't justified in the least.
Beth's thoughts were interrupted when she felt Ryan's hand take hold of hers. It was ice-cold to the touch and he held on tightly, to the point that it was uncomfortable, but she didn't want to pull away, as she knew that he was starting to get scared and unless she could defuse the situation and soon, then he would have a melt-down and once it got going, it was hard to stop. He didn't get violent, but he'd cry hard and sometimes he'd even throw up if he got even more upset. So Beth put an arm around him and pulled him close and eased his head down on her shoulder.
"I don't like it here," he said close to tears.
"I know you don't," she replied. "We'll see what Tina has to say, then we'll leave."
"Okay," he said and closed his eyes.
Just then, the door to the inner hallway opened and the receptionist stuck out her head.
"Ryan and Beth Larson," she called out.
They stood and Beth took Ryan's hand, but he stood there not moving. He also had his free hand on his hip, which was the closest gesture of anger that he could produce, but his eyes were fearful and shining with unshed tears.
"Come on Ryan," Beth said gently. He stood there still not moving. "Ryan?"
"What?" he said with an almost flat voice, but there was an impatient tone there that she could hear, but that might have gone unnoticed by anyone else who didn't know him.
"Ryan, are you going to be good for me?" she asked stepping in front of him and putting her hands gently on his shoulders. "I know you don't like it here and we'll get this over with as soon as we can. Okay?"
"Okay," he said, and they went and walked down the hall to Tina's office.
Once in her office, Tina seated herself and looked over her papers, then looked up at Beth.
"Well, I reviewed our last few reports that were from the past couple of days from last week, since today's Monday and I don't meet with Ryan on Mondays," she said. "There's still some difficulty that I'm seeing where learning is concerned in terms of math, spelling and understanding certain basic daily-living concepts. Of course you keep him clean and he knows stuff like washing his hands after using the restroom and taking a shower, but clearly there's more to it than that. He can't even do the most basic of house work."
"As I've mentioned before, he's been taking out the trash, washing some of the dishes, but mainly the plastic ones rather than glass, as sometimes he drops glass items and cut himself a couple of times when trying to pick them up," Beth replied. "I've explained many times that I have a plan to help with him living where he'll be safe should something happen to me and to be quite honest, I'm really getting impatient with going over this same thing."
"It's been seriously suggested to me that I continue to work with you on this," Tina answered.
"It's been suggested?" Beth said scooting towards Tina so that they were eye-to-eye. "Exactly who's been suggesting any of this to you? Is there something going on that I'm not aware of?"
"It's just been suggested to me by some of the group homes I've called to inquire about placement for Ryan," Tina went on as if nothing she was saying was wrong or insensitive in the least. "If you decide on this course of action, then several of these homes assured me that financing would be no problem, it could be done under Ryan's Medicaid. You would just fill out the applications for these homes, but just don't tell Medicaid about it, the reason being is that you might not get a large reimbursement from them once the financing has been started."
Ryan was now rocking back and forth and shaking all over. He was getting a little of what was being said and he was understanding in some way that Tina wasn't going to let this go.
"What are you talking about with not telling Medicaid!" Beth said as she began to lose her cool. "Exactly what kinds of homes are these. I want names."
"Certainly," Tina agreed. "I have a man from one of the homes here with me and I'll just be a second in getting him. He's in the anti-room on the other side of the door behind me, so I'll be back in a moment."
She left and Ryan was rocking faster now and his breathing was getting harder. Beth reached out and took him in her arms. He was shaking harder now and she was afraid that he'd start having a fit at any moment.
"I'''I'''I'''I want to go home!" he said as he grew closer to tears.
"We'll be out of here soon," she said. "We'll just say hi to whoever this man is, and then we'll leave."
"Okay," he said as his shaking steadied a little.
She let go of him and when he sat back in his chair, Tina returned with a man who was tall, slender and though he had a smile on his face, Beth didn't like how the smile didn't reach his eyes. There was something wrong about the man and Ryan must have sensed something, as he took his mom's hand and she held it while he sat down in front of them.
"I'm Grant Nixon," he said as Ryan and Beth both shook hands with him. "I run a place called Sunny Gardens which is for people like your son."
"I see," Beth said looking directly at him.
"Yes," he responded. "I understand that Ryan is mentally retarded and doesn't know much?"
"I'm not retarded!" Ryan said beginning to get upset.
"Oh, I don't mean in that exact word," Grant replied attempting to enhance his smile that Beth was now sure to be false. "I just mean that he doesn't know much and we could help with that. Also, I understand from what Tina shared with me, that he was the result of an unplanned pregnancy and that the father isn't around. Obviously this can lead to problems down the road."
"I can't speak for Ryan's thoughts as to whether or not this pregnancy was as you so insensitively put it as being "Unwanted", but I did want a child," Beth said this and attempted to keep the anger from her voice.
"Tina also informed me that Ryan may go on to have issues with kids his own age as the years go by," Grant continued.
"Issues such as?" Beth asked and though she kept her voice calm, she didn't hide the icy tone that was in every word now.
"Well, Ryan is 14, as Tina explained to me when we talked this morning and so his body is changing in certain ways," Grant went on. "Tina also went on to explain to me that she believes that he may have attractions to other boys and this is of some concern to her and to me as well, given what all that can entail. I'm sure you know how it is."
"No," Beth said as she spoke with complete hate in her voice. "No Mr. Nixon, I don't know how it is. Also, I don't know all that you believe that this entails, so if you wouldn't mind explaining exactly what you mean by all that this entails."
"Well, Ryan is at the age where his body and brain probably have sexual feelings and because he's what, intellectually around eight or nine years old, but is of the body of a 14-year-old boy, he could easily be tempted to seek out sexual encounters with boys who are of the age as is his intellect and mental state," Grant went on. "Our home could keep him safe so that he doesn't act upon those, either in house or out in the world when we take the kids out for trips. There's counseling as well as medical treatments we could employ to reduce or completely eliminate his sex drive all together. Treatments such as chemical therapies and if necessary, surgical removal of his testicles, should the chemicals fail."
Ryan picked up on that last bit of what Grant had to say and he finally burst in to tears. Beth took him in her arms and held him as he cried. It went on for several minutes, then as she continued to talk to him, he grew calm and eventually stopped crying. Finally, he was finished with his tears and once Beth let go of him, he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes and tried to tune out all that was being said.
"I don't know what the hell you're talking about Mr. Nixon," Beth said standing and allowing her voice to increase in pitch and in volume. "How dare you! How dare you talk about my son like he's some kind of fucking rapist, or a rapist waiting to offend! And you!" She turned to Tina. "How fucking dare you tell any of Ryan's personal information to this man, most of all, what fucking gives you the right to tell it with such a hurtful and inflammatory slant so as to slander my son! Ryan never even told you that he was gay!"
"I just picked up on it," Tina said. "He'd get a big smile when talking about boys his own age he'd see on TV, so I just figured that he was."
"I don't know what money racket the two of you have going," Beth said as she raised her voice even more. "But the two of you are never to come near my son, not ever again! The two of you can go to hell as far as I'm concerned!"
She turned and held out her hand for Ryan and he stood and took it, though uncertainly.
"It's okay," she said to him. "I'm not going to yell anymore, at least not at you."
They turned and left the office and once back in the car, Ryan began sobbing again and she held him as he got it out of his system for a second time. Beth knew that someone would have to stay with Ryan from day to day while she was at work. That had been the whole point of her signing up with the program of which Tina was a member, but that clearly had been a mistake, but she had to do something.
She decided that she'd figure out something once her and Ryan got home.
"Do you want to stop for ice-cream?" she asked as she continued to hold him as his breathing slowed.
"I just want to go home and be with the trees and the woods if that's okay," he said softly.
"That's more than okay," she said.
After Ryan got buckled in, Beth started the car and they were off. It was sunny and there was a cloudless blue sky over-head, but neither one of them were enjoying it. It was turning out to be a rather sad and even scary Monday afternoon for the both of them, but for Ryan especially.
Author's Notes
I hope I captured the issues that plague our social services system and how kids get lost in the cracks and for no good reason, other than money. When Grant suggests that Beth not tell Medicaid about signing Ryan up for placement in their home, this isn't something I made up in a vacuum. In a congressional hearing from 2008, testimony was given where parents who signed up their kids for placement in centers within The Troubled Teen Industry were told not to tell Medicaid, so that they could get a bigger reimbursement down the road. This is another red flag, as Medicaid would have to know up front what was going on in order for them to pay for whatever the program, doctor's visit or treatment would be, so this is one more sign to watch out for with this deadly and murderous industry.
So I hope everyone has a good evening, and I'll see everyone in Chapter Seven.