I was shocked because if I'd known these two people were coming I would have made myself up to the nines, but as it was, I wasn't in one of my best frocks nor was I wearing any make-up. For I would really have loved to have thrust myself into their faces as to how good I did look when dressed to kill.
`Mr. Trent?' was the question asked in a rather doubtful tone by this woman at the door.
`Who's asking?' I countered.
`My name is Felicity Winters and this is my colleague Miss Swain. I've been appointed by the court as your counsellor.'
`I beg your pardon?' I said, a little bewildered.
`It was mentioned at your trial that after serving your sentence that you spend at least six months with a counsellor and it has been given to me to see that this order of the court is obeyed. May we come in please?' It was an automatic thing to open the door wider for them to enter as I tried to remember what it was the judge had said.
`The place is in a bit of a mess I'm afraid as I wasn't expecting visitors,' I apologised as I let them into my two roomed flat. It wasn't untidy but I could have at least plumped up the cushions on the settee and tidy up the few magazines on the coffee table.
Cosy,' said Miss Swain as she surveyed the sitting room which was also my dining room. Do you live here alone?'
Yes,' I snapped. Please sit down while I make myself a bit more presentable,' and not giving them time to reply, left them and went into my bedroom. Bloody cheek I said to myself as I quickly took of the frock I was wearing and put on a better and more suitable dress and sat down and put some make-up on and looking at my reflection in the mirror, I smiled and said to myself now let's be the Christian and go out and face the lions now that I felt girdled for battle. Well that's how it appeared to me, to be a battle of the sexes though I was really more on their side than they knew.
Coffee, tea or something else?' I asked of them when I returned to the sitting room, liking the expressions on their faces at me with my proper face on. I'm having a gin and tonic but the choice is yours,' I said sweetly and with a nice smile.
`Oh, er, coffee please,' from Miss, I think, Winters. Her side kick nodded also at this.
Ground, instant, espresso or cappuccino? I asked, again with a sweet smile.
`Er, whatever's easiest,' she replied which would be instant for I had neither the machine or grinder for anything else, but, what the hell, they wouldn't know the difference anyway. One up to me I chalked on my imaginary blackboard. I went and put the kettle on and while that was coming to the boil, poured myself a very large gin and splashed some tonic into the half full glass, letting them see just how much gin I poured into the glass. I nearly choked on it as it was that strong but kept the smile on my face.
`Now, what's this all about?' I asked and then jumped up before she could answer exclaiming that the their coffee was ready and went and made it, quite strong and only added a little milk but brought it in on a tray with sugar as well as only one spoon.
Okay,' I said as I settled myself down with my drink while they sorted out the sugar with only one spoon. Now why on earth should the judge think that I need counselling?' I knew the reason but I wanted to hear her version.
`Well Mr. Trent...' she began before I interrupted her.
Jackie,' I said with my smile. I've always been called Jackie, ever since I was a little girl.'
`I beg your pardon, er, Jackie. Don't you mean a little boy?' This was from Miss Swain, the first time she had spoken.
`Didn't I say that?' I asked in surprise.'
`No. You said little girl.'
`Oh, maybe it's because I am a girl.'
`No you're not Mr. Trent. You are a man!' Miss Swain came back at me.
`How do you know that Miss Swain? Have you x-ray eyes and can see through my dress?'
`No, but you were sent to a men's prison,' she retorted.
`Yes, it was lovely to be surrounded by all those sex starved men. I had a ball.'
`But...but you were indicted as Mr. Jack Trent,' she stammered.
`I told them my name was Jackie Trent. I didn't, if you've read the court's transcript, admit to having the title of mister before my name,' I said, loving to see the consternation in her eyes.
`But in the prison...' her voice trailed off.
`I had my back to them when I took of my dress and put on the male garments that were there for me to wear,' I said.
`But surely you were seen by a doctor before this?'
`No.'
`But... I don't understand,' she said lamely.
He's pulling your leg Heather,' Miss Winters said quite firmly. Mr. Trent is a transvestite and no doubt a homosexual as well.'
Now that is slander Miss Winters,' I said. Prove it!'
`You prove that you're a woman or a man first,' she countered.
`You show me yours and then I'll show you mine,' I said coyly but with a smile.
This is getting us nowhere,' Miss Winters said. He's a man in drag Heather, believe me.' I got up from my seat and went over to where they were sitting on the settee and took hold of Heather's hand and pushed it up to my crotch.
Oh my God!' she exclaimed, her face going a bright red. He is a man!' snatching her hand back from mine as though she'd been burnt.
`Now that you've felt me, can I feel you to see if you really are a woman and not like me?' I asked, loving this little game.
`No you certainly can't!' she cried indignantly as she shrank back even further into the cushions of the settee.
Ah well,' I sighed, you can't win them all. Is this what you came round for? To see if I am one or t'other?'
`Mr. Trent...'she began before I interrupted her.
`You call me Mr. Trent once more and I will be showing you the door, via the toe of my right foot! The name is Jackie, haven't you understood this yet?' I thundered, almost spilling my drink in the process.
`I...I...I'm sorry, er, Jackie,' Miss Winters said, shrinking back almost as much as Heather had done.
Okay, apology accepted,' I said, now please tell me the reason for this visit?'
`Well it's more to try and understand why, you who haven't been in any kind of trouble before, suddenly attack this woman in the pub?'
Woman!' I snorted, rearing up again to make them cower back into their seats. That...that woman that you call her was Maureen Goodchild, a cross dresser like me! A man in drag if you like. Though she's more of a tart and a slag to boot if you ask me. You're as bad as my solicitor, not getting your facts straight first. That "woman" was a man and didn't like me chatting up the man she wanted to have fuck her!'
You should have seen their faces when I said this. Eyes wide and mouths open as their tiny minds took this information in. Whether it was by saying that Maureen was a man or saying the F word, I don't know. They looked at each other, both lost for words.
`She fooled everybody like I fooled you into believing what you could see in front of you. I didn't know it was her tom that I was chatting up and when she hit me and tore my dress, well, that was it. Two bitches in heat fighting over a bone. The bone that he had between his legs that we both wanted to be fucked with. That was the reason for the fight. The fact that I hit the copper was because as I said at my trial, I didn't know it was one who grabbed my arm which was technically an assault for he hadn't made it known who he was behind as he grabbed me.'
`What about you kicking the other policeman, er, between the legs?' Miss Winter asked.
`That was pure frustration at being held as I was from behind and that that bitch Maureen was being treated as the victim when it was her that had attacked me first. I was only defending myself.'
`Like smashing a glass into her face?'
All's fair in love and war,' I said. If you've ever been in a pub punch up before, you do your damnedest to put the other down first or you'll finish up having the shit kicked out of you. Survival is the name of the game out in this world, believe me.'
`But to smash a glass into her face,' Heather said, her eyes still wide.
`Oh for Christ's sake! Come out of your cocoons and see the real world that we live in. It's dog eat dog where I come from. None of you fucking do gooders are ever going to change that!'
`Okay M...er, Jackie. We're getting a better picture now that you've er, explained some of what actually happened. Which is the main reason that I am here but for Miss Swain, it's rather different. Over to you Heather.'
`Oh, ah, er, well, it's like this er, Jackie. There are certain questions I'd like to ask and for you to tell me the answers.' I nodded to this but didn't say anything for I had a good idea where she was coming from.
`Why, why did you appear in court dressed as a woman when you are a man? Why do you now wear a dress, even in your home?' she came out all in one breath fearing I would interrupt her.
Why, why, why?' I cried getting up and stormed across the room to get a fresh drink. Everybody has the same question on their lips, why. Why am I always being asked this imponderable question? Why this? Why that? The answer is that I don't fucking know!' I slammed myself back down into my chair and took a big swig from my glass.
`I've only asked so that I can try to understand you,' Heather said.
`You're a trick cyclist?' I said, though it wasn't really a question.
`I've heard that expression used before, yes, I'm a psychiatrist.'
`I bloody well thought so,' I snorted into my glass but also was pleased to note that they both had only taken a sip of their coffee and it would by now be cold. Chalk up another one for me though I was now beginning to wonder how many points they were going to score off me.
Look Jackie,' Heather said, coming forward to the edge of her seat, showing some spunk at last. I've not come here to either condemn or condone what you do, all I want to do is understand the why.'
`There it is again! Why? Why do you want as you say, want to understand me? To help me see the error of my ways? Surely that's the job of the Salvation Army?'
`Jackie, listen! Listen and hear what I've got to say instead of going off in these tirades. Just listen and help me to understand as to the way you feel and the reason behind your compulsive desire to keep dressing as a woman when you are, biologically a man.'
`Biologically? You've hit the nail on the head. What is biology but a knowledge of the composition of living creatures but it never has and never will be able to completely understand the correlation between the brain and the heart. When man is able to do that, they maybe we'll all know the answers to what actually lies in the human psyche. It will then be able to tell me that though I've been given male genitalia why, that bloody word again, why I feel and act like a woman!'
`It seems you're hitting your head against a brick wall Heather,' Miss Winters said.
`I might be, but I will continue to do so and even after I've broken mine, another will take up the challenge and eventually that wall will crumble,' Heather replied.
Admirable thoughts,' I said, but it will not happen in this lifetime, well not as far as I'm concerned,' I said.
`But it's only by me talking to you can we ever get close to knocking that wall down,' she retorted. I admired her pluck but didn't give her a hope in hell of achieving this supposition.
`So what do you propose?' I asked.
`I'd like to spend some time with you to just talk, well, for you to do the talking and for me to listen,' she said.
`I don't have a proper couch here,' I said.
Don't be facetious Jackie,' Miss Winters admonished me. She's only trying to learn of, of your er, sexual tendencies to try and help those people who are not as sure of their er, proclivities in the same direction. It would look good in my report if you agree to talk to Miss Swain about this.'
`That sounds like a rather subtle threat of blackmail Miss Winters,' I said.
`Well I can assure you that wasn't in my mind Jackie,' she said a little too haughtily to be believed.
Okay,' I finally said after a few minutes thought, but though this might be the place, it's not the time for I still have to work to pay the rent and eat,' I said sweetly. `Also, if in agreeing to talk to Heather here, I will only do so as one woman to another. Do you understand that?'
`Perfectly and she can tell me about it afterwards.'
`In that case then the answer is no. For either this is conducted as in a doctor's surgery or in a lawyer's office where what we speak about is treated in confidence, I will not say a word.'
I can assure you Jackie,' Heather came in, that whatever you say to me will be treated in complete confidence.'
`You'll be taking notes though,' I said.
`Yes but they will be locked away I can assure you.'
`If I ever find that you've lied to me, I sue the pair of you to your back teeth.'
With that, it was agreed that I would talk to Heather in my home at my time of choosing before they left and gave me time to have something to eat before going off to work.
I was back in my element as top of the bill and I sang my heart out and accepted the applause as well as the many invitations to visit the cottages for the purpose of being fucked. This is what it was all about for me, to have an erect male organ shoved up my back passage and revel in the power that was being used to not only give me pleasure but also to the punter who was paying for the privilege of fucking me. I would quite often come myself as I felt the other man's sperm hit my insides to coat it and make it easier for the next man to slide his cock up inside me. I could orgasm myself at least three times during one night of being fucked by so many hot throbbing cocks.
It was a few days after our first encounter that Heather called at the flat for our first session of talking. She refused my offer of coffee which made me smile as I mixed myself a large gin and tonic and went and sat down on the settee for her to take the chair near me. I had dressed carefully and made sure that my make-up was perfect and I knew that if a man had walked into the room and saw us there, he would have been drawn to me first.
`Okay, I'm ready,' I said as I settled myself down comfortably on the settee.
`Alright Jackie but I must ask you to be truthful and not give me lies or any guff or it will be a complete waste of both our time and effort.'
`As long as you don't interrupt or be shocked at what you might hear,' I said.
`I promise,' she said as she sat there ready with her note book. I took a big sup of my drink and lay back to answer her questions. At least she didn't start off with the word why.
`Tell me what you can remember of your first sexual encounter and of how old you were at the time,' she asked. I closed my eyes and saw the scene as clear as day.
`I was twelve, I think. Well there abouts for I'd not long found out that I could get an emission when I masturbated myself. You know, come?'
`Yes, I'm familiar with the term. Please carry on.'
`Well I was out in the summerhouse at my uncle and aunt's place this summer. It was during the school holidays and I'd been lent this book by one of the boy's at school. It was hot that year and I was only wearing a pair of shorts at the time and I was looking at these pictures of men with erect cocks and of women's fannies. Not only of those but also pictures of the men fucking the women. There was also a couple of pictures of men jerking other men off and not only taking the other cock into their mouth but also being fucked up the arse.
Well I was playing with my own hard erection, I'd already taken my shorts off so that I was naked like those in the pictures.
Doing it on your own?' came a voice in my ear and I nearly shit a brick for it was my uncle who had come in and was looking over my shoulder at the picture I was slowly wanking over. In that picture there's two of them doing it,' he said as he came round to my side. Well that's a nice size of cock you've got there,' he said, and I'm sure I was blushing at the time of actually being caught in the act of masturbation and fully expected to be told off with the words that by doing this it would make me go blind or something along those lines. It's nearly as big as mine and you've got a few years to go yet to reach my age. As I can see yours,' he said, for I was still holding myself in my hand, would you like to see mine?' I was mesmerised by his low smooth voice and could only nod and saw that he was wearing a tennis shirt and shorts and with my nodding, he quickly pulled off his shirt and pulled down his shorts and stepped out of them. This was the first time I'd ever seen a fully grown man's erect penis. It was definitely bigger than mine when I looked down to see what I still held in my hand. He saw me look at myself. Don't worry about its size. It's what you do with it that counts. Do you jerk yourself off often?'
`Yes,' I stammered.
`Have you ever had anyone else do it for you?' he asked.
`No,' I stammered again, my eyes fixed on his own swaying member that disappeared from view as he knelt down beside me.
Then let me help you,' he said, and I couldn't do any more but relinquish the hold of my cock to have his firm hand take hold of me and begin to work up and down on it. Look at the picture and believe that you're there,' he said in his low voice and I really did see myself in those pictures of a man being jerked off by another. I soon came which was a great thrill to me at the time, my come shooting out like the sparks and flame from a Roman Candle. It went everywhere, all over his hand most of it went and I was fascinated that he calmly licked it off and said that it tasted very good, the best he'd tasted in a long time.
`Would you like to do it for me now?' he asked getting up off his knees and letting me see his throbbing cock so close to my face. I was struck dumb and didn't resist when he took my hand and placed it on his erection. It was hot and I could feel it throb as my fingers naturally curled round it.
That's good,' he said as he slowly eased himself down onto the lounger I was lying on. Now start moving your hand.' This I did and I then suddenly felt so grown up by having his hot pulsating cock in my hand as I was doing what I'd seen in the book. I worked on it and felt him stiffen as he came, shooting his load out over our legs as we lay side by side.
Aaaaah,' he sighed as the last of his come fell weakly over the hand that was holding his cock. That was good, Jack, very good,' he'd said and then began to lick my hand of his own sperm and offered some to me which I took in very tentatively. It didn't taste that bad either and wondered if mine tasted the same and was determined that the next time I jerked off, I would taste my own sperm.
`We must do this again tomorrow Jack for it was very good, don't you think so? Having a different hand do it for you?' I think I said yes and because it had been good, I was more than ready the next day and the day after that to have my cock worked on and to be able to hold his bigger one and make him come to my hand movements.
We were doing this another day later when I said I was about to come and felt a sudden shock as his mouth closed over me taking almost the whole length of cock into him to take my seed when I erupted. He didn't even blink but kept his mouth there and took it all and smiled at me as he swallowed it.
`Can you do the same to me Jack?' he asked and I think I said I could but only try and so with him on his back and his pulsating cock in my hand, I worked it up and down loving the feel of it throbbing and being so alive and almost of having a life of its own, when he said he was about to come. Okay, I was a bit frightened at what I was about to do, but if he could do it to me there was no reason why I couldn't do it back to him. So I bent my head and took the head of his cock, for that was all I could get, into my mouth and closed my lips round the base and sucked as he had done to me.'
`Why did you do this?' Heather asked, breaking into my story.
`Because he had done it to me. Besides, any form of sex to a boy of my age is something to experience to find out if you enjoy that sort of thing,' I replied.
`Did you enjoy it?' she asked.
`Yes, for it gave me one of the greatest feelings of pleasure that I'd ever known. A tingle went right through my body and gave me an erection that I was actually sucking on a grown man's cock. Plus I got a burning desire in my stomach to go even further though I didn't realise this at the time. It was sheer heaven to have this throbbing cock where it was for me to suck and run my tongue round it. He later showed me how to use my teeth to nibble and rake the hard shaft and where the erogenous zones were and where to press to prolong ejaculation.
I'd already tasted his semen and when I got a mouthful from that first coming, I was going to spit it out but inadvertently swallowed it. Slightly salty but was no different from taking in a raw egg and swallowing that.
For the rest of that summer we performed oral sex on each other and I couldn't wait to visit their place again the following summer. My aunt now was ill and bedridden which led me to think that he was missing out in his own home life of sex for we were soon sucking on each other again.
He'd bought some new books and we would look at these pictures and try and copy what was being done in them. I guessed what he was leading up to for most of the pictures he kept stopping at for us to look at where two men were having anal sex and it wasn't long before he asked me to fuck him in that fashion. Well I was ready for anything now and as randy as any young teenager and readily agreed.
It was simply great to be able to put my prick into and fuck him though I knew that he would want to do the same to me and I think I was ready for it too. Though it was still with some trepidation that I went onto my knees for the first time after seeing how big his cock looked. Relax, he told me. The secret is to relax or it could be painful. I did my best but it still hurt that first time but when the head of his cock passed my sphincter muscle, it was much easier then.
God, I was in heaven having that throbbing penis up inside my back passage. His hands were firm on my hips and I felt every inch of him as he slowly moved himself in and out of me. I got an almost instant erection myself when his cock touched certain parts inside me. I drooled and loved the sensations he was giving me as well as feeling him throb as he fucked me. When he came, it was like having a hot shower spray up there as I felt his seed coat my insides as he jerked his thighs tight up to the cheeks of my bum as he shot his load.
I got more pleasure out of him fucking me than I did when I fucked him. The next phase of our love making if you could call it that was when he stood me up in front of the mirror there and held up a picture of a young man dressed up in women's under-wear.
You've got the face and the figure that would look good wearing things like this,' he said. I visualised myself in these garments as I looked at several of the pictures he had and agreed with him which meant that a couple of days later, I was presented with two complete sets of female underwear.
He helped me by clipping the bra at my back and also the suspender belt, but the most pleasure I got was in the putting on of the stockings and bringing them up my legs before clipping them to the suspender belt. I would get an erection every time I put these on. I would then pose myself in various attitudes in front of this mirror quite frankly admiring myself in spite of seeing my erection jutting out which made it more exciting.
From then on, I would be wearing these bits of clothing every time he fucked me. The make-up came a week later and with my hair, which was quite long now, I looked even better though I still had quite a bit to learn in how to put on the mascara round the eyelids and the lipstick.
The first dress I wore was one of my aunt's that was near enough to my size to not make much difference, but it did to the finished picture of me that I saw in the mirror. I even ventured out into the big garden dressed as a woman for the first time and found it very erotic to have the breeze blow up under the dress and tickle the parts that the sun didn't shine on for I didn't wear any panties.
After a walk round the garden, he would lead me back into the summer house and make love to me as if I was a real woman. Well I was now really hooked on being dressed this way and treated just like a woman, though the only difference being that I didn't have a vagina for him to stick his cock in, but where he did, I loved it.'
`So you really were abused then as a minor?' Heather asked.
Not at all,' I replied. He never swore at me at all.'
I didn't mean it that way,' she said drily. He sexually abused you.'
`I suppose, technically speaking yes, but it was me that wanted it. He loved me and it was me that wanted sex as much if not more than him.'
`That's not the point. You were a minor at the time and so he should be prosecuted for corruption.'
`You can't do that,' I said.
`Why not?' she asked.
`Because he's dead. I killed him.'