Chapter Four: Checkmate
After dozily awaking from the night before, I drew a long breath in and let out a peaceful sigh feeling content and well rested. As I turned over towards the window a steak of sunlight met my eyes, shit I thought. I suddenly turned over to look at my phone. 10:03am, I'd slept through my alarm. All of my alarms. Oh. Shit. I had a shoot today in less than an hour, and I was really supposed to be arriving this very moment to prep with the stylist.
I hastily sent some panicky, apologetic texts and stressed I was in an uber on my way. To my immediate relief before I'd managed to rush out the door, sweaty, smelly and unkempt I had one last check of my emails. Immediately I spotted an unread message, glaring at me at the top of my inbox. The sender: the client and model. The subject line: 'I am so sorry'. Phew. Still flushed with adrenaline I skim read the whole thing in a matter of seconds. They'd cancelled after feeling unwell the day before. Unsurprisingly, I had an immediate sense of relief, what would have usually been devastating news was met with a calm for a few reasons. Obviously, it means I wasn't going to be the let down, but now I could reflect on the life changing events from the night before and ruminate on them while laying in bed with an ice coffee. Strangely enough, it was a big deal that this photoshoot had fallen through, but I didn't give it a second thought, I had other things on my mind. Bigger things.
After a quick shower to rinse the sweat and panic off of me I clambered back into bed, and then something struck me. After what had transpired the night before, which I couldn't sugar coat it as no big deal, I thought I'd wake up with a pitiful sense of shame and regret. I imagined something akin to that horrible feeling from when you've had too much to drink the night before. That horrible knot at the pit of your stomach that immediately tells you that you'd embarrassed yourself, insulted someone or did something shameful, before you even knew what you'd done.
But there was nothing. Actually that's not true, it was in face the opposite of that feeling. I had awoke in a state of bliss, and feeling content, so much so that I'd managed to sleep through my all of alarms. You wouldn't have thought that being manipulated into getting your mouth fucked by a thuggish black guy would bring so much peace. But it clearly had, I'd been dicked for the first time in a while and it had clearly done me wonders. No matter the circumstances that made it happen, I couldn't argue with the results.
I lay there, looking up at the ceiling, ruminating on it, the feeling of his hand gripping the back of my head. The sound of his voice was caught in my ears still, the nice things he said, the horrible things he said. The mixture of shame, degradation and domination all came together to make me feel so horny. I could remember how soft yet hard his helmet felt in my mouth, how warm it was, how salty his cum tasted. The image of his cum face shot through my mind, a mixture of anger and relief, it was quite scary and intimidating, which made it even hotter. That I could do that for him.
Well, I thought, luckily I have all day now to put this dildo to good use and maybe do some online shopping. Without a moment of hesitation, interracial porn was queued up and I was already lathering up my boy pussy with lube and easing the helmet of the black dildo into my tight hole. By the time the morning was done I'd ordered some girly underwear, stockings, butt plugs and a few more adventurous dildos. At least I was putting my well earned money to good use I thought. What else was I going to spend it on that brought this much excitement?
As I left the flat later on that afternoon with a spring in my step it felt like something had changed, I felt more feminine again. Old habits were coming back that I couldn't deny and frankly I didn't want to. I was checking guys out on the tube, thinking of how big their cocks would be. The big difference though, between now and my slutty teen years, were the guys I was instinctively checking out. They were all black. The gruffer their voices sounded, the more I was drawn to them. The more intimidating, the better. The fact that they could overpower me in a second if they wanted to made my mind race.
After doing a bit of shopping in central London and checking in with some friends I headed back to the flat. It all seemed abit frivolous and a waste of time to be honest, but I needed to get out and about to clear my head. To at least try and give myself an opportunity to think about something else, anything else. As soon as I got out of the underground the chill of the evening hit me, so I tried to make the walk back to the flat as quick as possible. Zip to my chin, hands buried in my pockets and off I went.
A few moments from my building I rounded the corner coming up to my apartment building and I suddenly noticed a car parked which had mounted the curb. It was blasting out heavy rap and was full of black guys. It seemed like there must have been like seven of eight of them, either in the car or leant against it. Then it hit me. Wait a second, I thought, I recognise that music, I recognise those voices. it was them.
A wave of embarrassment rushed through me, I'd never expected to see them outside their flat. How stupid I was, of course I would see them eventually, at the shops, the bins, anywhere, we live in the same building, but I just hadn't comprehended it. I had no idea what to do, and I had no idea what I wanted in that moment. I was so embarrassed I sped up, but then I slowed down, why did I want to hide, did I not want them to notice me? To compliment me?
Caught in two minds I walked as normally as I could (probably looking unnaturally awkward) and at the same time try to catch a glimpse of them to see if they would acknowledge me. Soon enough 'T' who was sitting in the passenger seat looked up in my direction. I froze. His eyes looked straight at me, but in reality he looked straight through me. As if I was nothing, as if I was invisible.
I'm ashamed to admit it but I felt a little heartbroken. Any acknowledgement would have lifted me up, even a hurtful comment. Just to be acknowledged by my new daddy. To be seen. And that's not even the worst part, I'm doubly shamed to admit I even considered rounding the corner and passing them again, maybe walk slower or trying to wiggle my bum a little. I was embarrassed I was going to stoop that low to get a little attention. Defeated, I buried my face deeper into my coat and let myself in the building.
What followed was the longest few hours of my life, or at least that what it felt like. I'd got back in at 7pm, and their music would start thumping through the walls at 11pm the very earliest. That's 4 hours of waiting, painful, agonising, mind numbing hours. Anything I could do in that time couldn't match the excitement of the music beckoning me upwards. Like a dog to its bone.
I cooked something average, did a little bit of needless editing, sent out some emails and finally tried to watch a film to distract me but I just couldn't focus. What would be the point? Any new film I gave my attention to would pale in comparison to any experience I would surely have tonight. And watching a new film was my favourite thing to do, at least it had been until very recently...this time I switched it off and scrolled through tiktok endlessly. Finally, at 11:30pm, there was shuffling, shouting and suddenly there it was. The thumping.
Like hypnosis, the music was my trigger, almost as if awakening a sleeper agent, my body seemed to jump into motion without my mind having a say in it, by the time I can to my senses I had already knocked on their door. Dressed in my slimming tracksuit, my nerves were palpable, but they were different from what had come before. Usually I stood here waiting nervously with fear, now it was anticipation and excitement.
Footsteps were followed by the door swinging open abruptly and I was greeted by one of the women this time. With an arched eyebrow and a joint between her fingers she looked at me bemused, as if she could see through me and understood I'd come here to discuss anything apart from the noise. Before I had a chance to say anything she swung around and said 'come on'. I followed like a sheepdog until I was presented by the familiar setting.
Large speakers and low lights, big men in tracksuits and all were shrouded in pot smoke, it was filling my lungs and coating the flat in a dream-like haze. I couldn't believe that this hadn't crossed my mind before, as a photographer, but how cinematic it looked in their flat, the circling smoke, the outfits, the women dressed in fishnets. And then I realised why, when I came into the flat I wasn't the guy from downstairs, I had put all those regular 'professional' thoughts out of my mind and became tunnel visioned by whatever I was about to face.
I dreamily walked into the middle of the room and just like the times before I waited with bated breath for what was to come next. As if waiting judgement or assessment. When T turned around and noticed me I only just remembered I was supposed to be there to complain about the music like I usually do, and not through choice. And again, as usual, as soon as T and his friends noticed me there was a silence but something was different this time. There was sniggering and lowered talking between a couple of them, and the really big one was standing by the kitchen looking me up and down. There was a different energy in the air, I could sense it.
Suddenly, I turned bright red, for some reason I felt more fearful because something unusual was happening. Something unexpected. I expected to be yelled at again for being asking about the music, I expected us to maybe arrange another agreement, but that's not what was happening. A huge smile brandished T's face. I stood there in anticipation, and then he spoke.
"Well back again little mouse, now I know you're probably hear about the music, or wanna pretend you're here for the music, but we're going to get that right out of the way and tell you we're not turning down the music, and I'm going to tell you why. Actually no, I'm going to show you why."
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, as he was unlocking it and clearly looking for something his friends really started to laugh. Bellowing laughs making the music seem distant. I knew what it was before he showed me, but that didn't make it any less humiliating.
"Take a good look at this little mouse, you're a movie star". And there I was, being filmed with a massive black dick in my mouth. I watched silently, frozen while all the guys and girls watched along with me laughing and shouting. An extra big cheer echoed through the flat when my face was coated in his cum. It was humiliating and embarrassing. The only concession was that from a completely subjective point of view, at least I looked good on the film, I thought. That's a small silver lining to this dangerous position I find myself in.
"We've all seen it in this room" He looked over to his friends, laughing. "Some of us have seen it a few times, maybe more, even busted a nut over it ha! But now you gotta realise sumin. You gotta realise that I ain't going to turn the music down, ever again. And I'm not going to do anything you ask me to, instead from now on you're going to everything I tell you to do and I'm going to tell you why..."
He stopped dramatically, and just like all the times before I froze, hanging on his every word.
"From this moment on, if you don't do exactly what I tell you to do the second I tell you to do it, it won't just be my friends who see you sucking dick like you haven't eaten in a week. It'll be EVERY-ONE. I'm going to post it on the hub, I'll post it on xhamster, xvideos, on discord, on twitter, on every single site that lets me upload it, that's where it'll go."
Oh fuck, what have I done, my heart was in my mouth, I couldn't believe what he was saying, but I knew he meant it, I couldn't believe I had been this stupid, this gullible to let this happen. To let all of this get to this point, to say yes to everything, and to think it was a harmless blowjob, I was the stupidest boy on the planet. And he didn't stop there.
"Oh, and the best part is, it doesn't matter what it's called, probably something like "white slut can't drink black cum quick enough", something like that, but what we'll also do is burn into the video your address, flat 262 right? The one below us? Yeah J saw you collecting your post yesterday so we've got your address and full name, now how about that for a first acting credit? Everyone will know the little bitch who lives in our apartment can suck a dick like it was an olympic sport."
Numb from humiliation, I stood there contemplating everything, how my life leading up to this moment had stopped right there, and a new one had started as soon as I saw the video.
And then it hit me, this was checkmate. It was so clever now I had a moment to reflect, he had played me to perfection. He must have known as soon as I accepted the beer run I'd be perfect for manipulation, he lured me into a trap move by move, little by little and now he had me, and I wasn't going anywhere. I belonged to him, and this flat. And the worst part is I walked right into it, every time putting up the smallest fight before submitting, I was clearly built for this, mentally and physically.
It couldn't have been the first time he'd done this either, maybe I was one of many, a revolving door of white pussy boys that he can see from a mile away and carefully lays the trap.
I realised how weird it must have looked to everyone else, him laying out this monologue and me standing there like a statue, not saying anything, not pleading, not running for the day, just accepting my punishment in silence. They must have known he'd broken me, surely that was the giveaway that he was as big as his talk.
"You can stand there sheepish and silent as you want mouse but to sum it all up I own your ass, bitch. I own your ass, your mouth and everything else about you. I own your life because I can ruin it in a second. You're my bitch now faggot, and so you're going to do what I want, when I want."
I had no choice, all I could do now is submit and do everything he asked of me, my choice and my freedom of choice was taken away from me. All I could do was submit when told and hopefully make him happy.
Funnily enough, and I'm sure all the sub bottoms out there understand what I'm about to say, is completely liberating. Having no choice and no say makes life way more exciting, exciting things happen to you whether you like it or not. You don't make them happen, they happen to you. The fear of making the wrong decisions is gone, now decisions are made for you, in your interest and theirs.
'...Okay" I mustered. But I don't even think he heard me.
"And that means we're starting tonight..." He took a drag of his blunt and blew it in my direction. No doubt I was getting a contact high from all of this smoke, what they were smoking wasn't going to be weak.
"First things first, my boys were very jealous of the sloppy head you gave me, so while we're watching the boxing tonight, which starts any minute J get it on! While we're watching the boxing you're going to give everyone head. Take your time, there's no rush, but each and every one of these boys gets to cum in your mouth tonight and that's a fact. Oh and little mouse, that's just the start so you better get used to your new reality. Get sucking."
Suddenly I had an epiphany. At that very moment, almost like an out of body experience. It all made perfect sense, this wasn't the life of the up and coming photographer from downstairs. He was not here. As soon as I stepped into their flat, I became someone else entirely, two completely different people, totally unknown and unknowable to each other. He was still downstairs, editing away as far as I knew, the slut for black dick was the one who stood in this apartment, no motivation and no drive beyond submitting to these men and being humiliated and fucked beyond imagination.
I didn't know where he lived or where he came from, these two people may as well be completely strangers. For this version of me, this was his calling, I knew from now on every time the music started I'd find myself outside the door offering up myself for judgement, punishment, ridicule and who knows what else.
Once that clicked in my mind, that I was a different person when I entered this flat and I didn't have to contemplate rationalising those two completely lives in one person. I suddenly felt like I could welcome my new role with ease and acceptance, even excitement. I wasn't insulting my professional life or persona by being here, how could I be? I was a different person, a stupid slut.
There it was, the inner switch and rationalisation that would enable my every decision and submission from now on, the photographer downstairs wouldn't dream of putting himself in such compromising and degrading positions, but Mouse lived for it, it's all he thought about, he had no shame, no limits.
Mouse saw the five big black men sitting on the sofa looking at him, and he could see in their eyes they were clearly imagining their cocks in his little mouth. And Mouse could only imagine how massive their cocks were going to be. There was no small friend here, just big, bigger and fatter. He caught eyes with the big one, the one who was blocking the door the first time they met. He was shirtless, wearing his big chain and a blunt in his mouth. Mouse could see the outline of his massive black cock in his sweatpants, running down the right side of his trousers. Mouse's mouth started to fill with saliva, and he moved towards his end of the sofa, keeping eye contact.
He dropped to his knees dutifully next to the arm of the sofa. The boxing began. Mouse looked up at his big brown eyes. He caressed the side of Mouse's head, looked in his eyes and said: "The Boxing's started, get sucking girl".