Disclaimer:
Chapter 44 is the next chapter in an ongoing story about Stephen Gately from Boyzone and Eloy de Jong, formerly of Caught in the Act. I have no contact, alas with either gentleman or group, so these chapters exist within the imagination of the author's mind, combined with public events that happened during this time.
Cheers,
Musicfan
The sound of voices raised in an argument woke Stephen up a few hours later. They were coming from the kitchen, and he could tell his mother was making an effort to keep her voice low. His brother Alan, however, was not.
"Mam, I'm sick and tired of everyone sticking up for that one!" Alan said angrily. "He's always gotten his way and you let him. God, you'd think he was the baby of the family! No wonder why he's bent, Christ almighty!"
"Don't you dare take the Lord's name in vain like that!" Their mother hissed softly, scolding her son. "And that is your brother you're talking about."
"I know damn well whom I'm talking about, Mam." Alan replied angrily. "It's just that from the get go, he's been allowed to do whatever he wants, and if it disrupts life for the rest of us, well, so be it! Girls coming around all hours of the night and day, getting accosted on the street just because I'm related to him! Christ, do you know how many times I have to bite my tongue? I just want to tell them they wouldn't have a chance in hell with him, anyhow."
"Alan Gately, if you are going to live under my roof, you're going to have to get along with your brother. I won't stand for this kind of behaviour. I really won't. He's done nothing wrong," Margaret said, unconsciously raising her voice to match her son's. Stephen sat up on the sofa and rolled his head around, trying to stretch out the kinks. He wasn't sure if he should just go in and confront his brother or not. Half of him just wanted to stay in the darkened room and avoid the conflict. But another part of him just wanted to go in and say what he felt. He got up and stretched, wincing at the pain that made itself known in the back of his head.
"There you are, sticking up for him again," Alan accused bitterly. "How can you say he's done nothing wrong? Look what he's done to our lives!"
"What exactly have I done," Stephen asked wearily as he leaned on the doorframe. Alan spun around and stared at his younger brother, who had obviously just woken up. He hadn't known that Stephen was in the house.
"What haven't you done? How can Mam and Dad live here with people coming around the house all the time? Once those gals twig onto the fact that you're here they're going to come swarming around the house. How are we supposed to live like that," Alan spouted viciously, glaring at his younger brother.
"What do you want me to do, Alan? Not come home anymore?" Stephen asked in a soft voice. He heard his mother gasp at the suggestion, and knew from their conversation that she didn't want that at all. "All I want, and all I've ever wanted was to do what I'm doing. To entertain people. To make them smile. I'm sorry if for some reason you feel like I've disrupted your life. I really am, because I never wanted that. I've offered to find Mam and Dad a new place, a better place to live, but they don't want that. They want to stay where their friends are. And that's their decision. I can't stop the fans from coming by. I wish I could. I'd like a place to relax without feeling I have to be on, or be happy just because someone knocks on the door.
"So what do you want, Alan," he asked again, waiting for a response from his brother.
"A normal life. One where I don't feel like I have to lie to everyone I meet." Alan retorted. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and tried to stare down his younger brother.
"Who's asking you to lie?" Stephen asked tiredly. He was regretting walking into the conversation, but he couldn't sit back and listen to it go on without having a say. "I'm certainly not."
"Yes you are!" Alan hissed, triumphant now that he had an outlet to vent his anger. "You're living a lie, you're hiding the truth from your fans. How do you think they'd feel if they knew that their idol liked to shag other men? Don't think they'd be around here much if that ever got out."
Stephen closed his eyes, trying to hide the wince he wanted to make at Alan's comment. In a way, Alan was absolutely correct, that he was hiding his sexual preference from his fans. The thought of it ever coming out filled him with terror, having his personal life put on display.
"I'm a singer. My music has nothing to do with whom I go to bed with," Stephen tried again to separate his public life from his private life. Especially now that he actually had one. "Alan, what did I ever do to you to make you hate me like this?"
"He doesn't hate you," their mother said, hearing the deep disappointment in her younger son's voice and wanting to protect him.
"I don't hate you. You disgust me. You come waltzing in here, whenever you can spare a drop of time for the family, never thinking about any of us because you're just too damn busy for the rest of us." Alan said, making himself angrier as he went along. "I'm disgusted by the fact that my brother is sick, he likes fecking other men. That's what disgusts me. It turns my stomach when I think about it. And I see these girls coming by the house all the time, hoping against hope that they might meet you one of these times, and that you might fall for them. What a laugh! That's what disgusts me." Alan advanced towards his brother who just stared at him silently. "You let your promotional people tell lies by putting out stories of you with this gal or that gal. Isn't that lying? Isn't that leading people on? Tell me Stephen, have you ever bothered to shag a girl? Have you ever tried? Who knows, maybe you'll like it!"
"Who I shag is none of your goddamn business!" Stephen said, getting angrier by the moment as he listened to his brother's comments. "Whether I have or haven't been with a girl isn't something I'd tell you, anyhow. Why can't you get it through your head Alan?
"Okay, fine. I like to sleep with men. I am in love with another man, too. And guess what? We have sex. We make love to one another. Not what you want to hear, is it?" He moved forward and involuntarily Alan stepped back, unconsciously responding to the threatening tone in Stephen's words. "I just spent a weekend with him and his family, and let me tell you that they're a lot more accepting and welcoming than you ever could be. But you know what? I don't really give a shite about what you think. It's my life, and I'm certainly not going to change anything just to make you happy.
"You don't approve of me? I really don't give a damn. I'm not going to let you bully me, Alan. I've had it. This is my home too. As long as Mam and Dad want me here, I'll come back. I'm not running from anyone, not you, certainly. I'm done with that. You don't like it, you can walk out the door this time." He stared up at his older brother, fists clenched. His headache had come pounding back into his head and it throbbed in a beat along with his words.
"What a lovely thing to say in front of Mam. Do you like flaunting the fact that you like shagging another man in front of her?" Alan said angrily, falling back on Stephen's earlier words.
"No, I don't. I know she would rather not hear it, but frankly Alan, you started this. You're the one yesterday who brought it up. I'm going to have my say. If you don't like it, you can stick it." Stephen said, glaring at his brother. "From the day I first told you I was gay you've had problems with me. Fine. I can't do anything about your own inhibitions. You've got a problem, don't take it out on me. But I'm not going to change my life just to make you happy."
Margaret stepped in between the two of them. "Enough." She put her hands out to separate them. "Alan, you apologise to your brother or you leave. I will not have this continued anymore. Lord knows we hardly see Stephen anyhow. If you drive him away from this house I will never forgive you." She turned to her younger son, wanting to block out the words she had heard but she couldn't deny the hurt tone in his voice when he spoke about this friend's family being more accepting than his own. "Stephen, please ignore your brother. Your father and I want you here. This is your home, too. If other people have problems with it, they can move out."
Alan stared at his mother, shocked that she was turning against him. He had always resented his younger brother, feeling that Stephen was always her favourite. "You want me to leave?"
"If you can't be civil under my roof, yes," she said, staring up at her older son. "I won't stand this kind of arguing anymore. I really won't, Alan. Now apologise to your brother, and don't talk like that while you're in this house again."
Alan felt shattered, knowing she meant it. He mumbled sorry to his brother and stepped back, needing space. Stephen quietly accepted his apology and stood where he was as Alan brushed passed him and walked upstairs to his room. Neither he nor Margaret said anything as they heard him stomp up the stairs. The sound of a door closing upstairs served to release the tension that Stephen was feeling and he slumped against the wall, exhausted from the encounter.
"I'm so sorry, Mam. I really am. But this is the kind of thing I was talking about last night." Stephen said, not looking at his mother's face.
"I know honey," she said, wrapping her arms around her son and giving him a hug. "I guess it had to be said. But please try to get along with him from now on. Please?"
"I will as long as he will," Stephen promised, wanting to make his mother happy. He hugged her back, holding tightly for a long moment before kissing her on the cheek. "I love you."
"I love you too, honey." She said softly, looking intently at his face. It had a pinched look and she could feel his shoulders were tense under her hands. She rubbed the tight muscles and he started to relax under her touch. "How's the head?"
"Well, it was better. Then I woke up." Stephen said with a crooked smile. They moved over to the kitchen table and his mother made a pot of coffee for the two of them as they sat. The silence hung between them, filled with unspoken words as they both worked to ignore what had been said in the argument. Margaret kept on hearing the bitter tone in Stephen's voice as he mentioned his friend's family and she wished she could be as accepting and welcoming as this other man's family. But she knew it would be a long time before that happened because she would first have to accept the fact that her son wasn't going to change. Until she had heard his comments to Alan, she had hoped that perhaps he would change his mind at some point and that she wouldn't have to deal with it. She knew now that it probably would never happen, but it was going to be a while before she could truly come to terms with it.
"Stephen?" She asked, calling him back from wherever his thoughts had taken him.
"Yeah, Mam?" He looked up from his coffee mug.
"This young man of yours..." she trailed off, not knowing how to begin. She saw her son's eyes widen in surprise that she had willingly brought the topic up. "You met his family?"
"I did," he said, not sure where she was going to go with her question.
"And his mother... she accepts how her son is? And that you two are together?" Each word came slowly as if pulled reluctantly from her.
"Yeah, she does," he nodded. He could see that his admission hurt her, because she was comparing her own reaction to Eloy's mother. "But they also live in a country that tends to be a little bit more liberal than Ireland." He felt like he had to say that so she wouldn't feel so bad. He knew how hard it was for her to accept his life, and as much as he wanted her acceptance, he knew it was going to take time for her to reach the point where she would feel comfortable talking about this kind of thing. If that time ever happened.
"He makes you happy?" She asked, looking down into her own mug.
"Yeah, he does, Mam. Very happy." Stephen said quietly. He longed to tell her about Eloy, but knew it was going to happen only when she was ready to ask.
"Stephen, please know that's all I really want, for you to be happy." She looked up briefly before glancing back down again. "That's all any mother wants. But it's going to take some time for me to come to terms with all this."
"I know," he said, reaching out and touching her hand lightly with his own. He thought wryly to himself that she had had years to get used to the idea, but he also figured that she had buried it away because it was easier to deal with that way. They heard Alan come back down the stairs and go out the front door. Neither one spoke as they heard the door close behind him.
"Has Michelle met this young man?" His mother asked, startling him. He looked up from his coffee and shook his head.
"No, not in person. She did talk to him on a phone a couple of times," he said reluctantly. He didn't want his mother to think that there was a conspiracy with his sister in regards to his personal life. He could only imagine what Alan would say to that. "One time I left my mobile on the table and when it rang he picked it up, thinking it was his. The other time was she called his apartment because she hadn't heard from me and got worried. Sometimes I'm not the best at calling people back." He smiled wryly and his mother found herself smiling back.
"And she likes him?" His mother asked again, curious despite herself.
"Yeah, unfortunately," he said dryly. When he saw her confused look, he found himself laughing. "Mam, I think if I ever get those two in a room together it will be the end of me. They get along like a house on fire, just from talking on the phone. I think if they ever get together in person I might as well leave the room, they'd be picking on me so." His mother smiled at his comment.
The door slamming interrupted their conversation. A moment later Tony walked in, dropping his bag on the floor next to the table and slouching into a seat.
"Why hello there," Stephen said, smiling at his younger brother. In the two days he had been home, this was the first time that they had actually talked to each other. He was also relieved that Tony's entrance put an end to his conversation. At the moment, he was feeling very raw and the conversation with his mother was like rubbing a tender spot too much.
"Hey, welcome home," Tony said, grabbing a piece of fruit from the middle of the table and taking a bite out of it. "Good to finally see you awake." He grinned at his older brother. "Back for a while?"
"Yeah, taking a break on the new album, so I figured I'd hang out and see how everyone was," Stephen said, glad that Alan had already left. He didn't want to drag any of his other siblings into their fight, and he knew that Tony idolised their older brother. "How's school?"
Tony made a face. "Alright." He took the napkin his mother handed him and wiped the juices from the peach off his chin. He went on to complain about stuff in school and Stephen and his mother shared a smile as they heard the echo of previous conversations coming back to them through Tony's words.
The doorbell interrupted them and Tony got up and went to answer the door. The sound of girl's voices let Stephen know that his respite was over and that there were fans at the door. He looked at his mother and she pointed to the kitchen door. He knew he wasn't going to be able to hide. He never could at home since his mother insisted that since the fans went out of their way to come by, he could go out of his way to spend time with them. Before heading to the front of the house he did go over to the sink and ran the water over his hands, brushing it through his hair with his fingers to tame the mess from his earlier nap. A glance at his mother got a nod of approval and wiping his hands on the back of his jeans, he headed down the hallway to where Tony was standing entertaining three girls. A gasp from one of them signaled his entrance and he smiled at them.
"Hullo," he said, leaning against the wall. "Tony, where are your manners? Please let these lovely ladies inside and invite them in." Tony grinned and stepped back, allowing the girls to step inside. One of them was clutching a camera. The second was peering around avidly and the third shyly kept her eyes down, her cheeks red with embarrassment. He moved away from the doorway so that they could enter the parlour. Hesitantly, they moved inside and he followed them into the small room.
"I'm so sorry to be bothering you at home," the bolder of the girls said, still looking around avidly. "We came over on the ferry, and we really didn't expect you to be here. I kept on telling Caroline that you wouldn't be here, that you've got so much to do, but we had heard such great stories from our friends at meeting your mum that we just had to come by and say hello."
Stephen bit back a smile at her comment. Often he and his mam joked that the fans wanted to see her more than him. "That's okay. My mam likes talking to my fans."
"Stephen Gately, where are your manners?" His mother said with an exasperated sigh as she brushed passed him and bid the girls to have a seat on the small sofa. Tentatively they sat, the shy girl still not looking up. She stroked her hand along the material of the sofa as if not believing she was actually there. "How are you girls today? Can I get you something to drink?"
They shook their heads, not wanting to be any bother, but she bustled out of the room saying she was going to get them something anyhow. Tony took the seat next to the television, clearly enjoying the show. He loved when the fans came by. It was even more fun when Stephen was home, because he got to tease him about it afterwards.
"I can't believe it!" the second girl whispered to her friend, who was still not looking at him. The first girl got up and walked around, looking at each of the pictures. Stephen leaned against the wall that held the picture of Michelle's wedding, and he pointed out the gold and platinum disks his mother had hung up on the opposite wall. When the third girl didn't respond, he knelt down and reached out to touch her hand.
"I don't bite, you know," he said, smiling up into her startled face.
"He most certainly does not!" He heard his mother say from behind him as she bustled in with some iced tea. "I'd have to spank him if he did." That got the three girls laughing and Stephen moved so he was sitting cross-legged on the floor. With his mother's entrance the first two girls sat back down on the sofa, the second one tucking her skirt under her self-consciously. His mother poured them each a glass of tea before sitting in a chair opposite the sofa.
"So where did you girls come from? I heard mention of the ferry, she said as she sat back with her own glass. Stephen leaned against the chair and she stroked her hand through his hair. She hid a smile behind her glass as she watched the girls avidly eat up everything that was going on. "I also see that you met my youngest, Anthony." Tony gave them a wink that made them giggle.
"Thank you so much for the tea, Ma'am," the second girl spoke up first. "You really didn't have to go through the trouble."
"Nonsense, of course I did!" Margaret said with a merry twinkle in her eye. The girls said that they had come from Liverpool, having taken the ferry over. Margaret started telling them stories about Stephen, which made him duck down his head in embarrassment at times. He looked up at one point to see the third girl smiling shyly at him and he gave her a wink. They chatted there for a while until the front door opened. Stephen looked over his shoulder to see his sister standing in the doorway, her son pulling away from her as he spied his uncle.
"Uncle Steve!" He cried as if he hadn't seen Stephen in weeks. Stephen laughed and opened his arms for Jordan to jump into. He settled Jordan on his lap, who waved to his Uncle Tony. Tony got up and allowed his sister to take his seat. Margaret introduced her daughter, who smiled at the girls on the sofa.
"I see him less than you lot do, probably!" She laughed. Jordan was sitting back in his uncle's lap and just listening to the conversation around him quietly. Stephen leaned down and whispered something in his ear and he giggled.
"Oh goodness, we're going to have to run if we're going to get back to the bus in time to get to the ferry!" The second girl gasped as she looked at her watch. Stephen stood up and handed Jordan off to his mother. He offered to sign their autograph books for them, and they were thrilled that he was so willing to do it for them. He also posed for pictures with Tony taking the camera from the first girl and herding them together for a photo. Stephen gave each of them a hug and a kiss on the cheek and told them to be careful heading back to the bus.
They left the house with stars in their eyes and Stephen stood in the doorway smiling as they went down the street. His mother linked her arm with his and smiled at him. It was amazing how his mood had changed just from the visit with his fans. She pulled him back into the parlour where he moved to the sofa, and pulled her down to sit next to him. They chatted about the visit for a while before Margaret got up to make the evening meal. Michelle had put Jordan down for a nap by this point and came back down the stairs. She made her way into the kitchen to help her mother and Stephen trailed behind her. Tony went upstairs to work on a paper he had due for the next day and brought his books down to the kitchen so he could do his work at the table there.
By the time their father came home, the kitchen was filled with the laughter of their conversation and the smells of the evening meal.
"My, I haven't heard this kind of noise here in a long time," he said, kissing his daughter on the top of her head as he entered the room. Stephen and Tony were busy cleaning up the cooking pans and waved from the sink where they took turns washing and drying the pots and pans. Their mother was sitting at the table with Michelle, placidly drinking tea. Martin sat down at the table, enjoying the easy camaraderie he found in his home. By the time that dinner was ready, Alan had walked back in the door, in a much better frame of mind than when he left. He and Stephen were polite as they tacitly ignored their earlier argument.
The meal progressed quite civilly, with Tony taking centre stage as he regaled them with stories from the earlier encounter with the fans. Alan was noticeably quiet, not adding to the conversation at all, for which Stephen was grateful. They finished the meal with a pudding that Michelle had brought over. Her Alan was on a business trip, which was why she had come over for dinner. Afterwards, they sat around the table chatting and Stephen felt like he was finally home again. He really didn't want to argue with his brother, but he had felt like he had to make a point when Alan wouldn't let up. Hopefully they could just let things lie. He certainly hoped so.
His father and older brother went off to the pub for the evening. Tony went upstairs to finish his homework for school and Michelle picked up to take him home. Stephen walked her out to the car and they chatted for a little bit until she got into the car. They didn't talk about the events of the day before and she left without knowing anymore than she had when she got there. Stephen knew she was probably frustrated, but he wasn't feeling up to telling her what had happened.
As she drove away, he stood in the street, watching her car turn the corner. He felt like things were finally back to normal for the moment and he sent a silent prayer that his brother would hold to his word and not cause problems. As he turned around, he saw his mother in the doorway and he smiled. He hoped that now that they had made some headway that she would be a bit more understanding about his personal life. She might not agree with it, but he was hoping that she wouldn't be upset when he made the decision to spend his breaks elsewhere.
He talked back up the walkway and she held the door open for him. Silently, he followed her into the parlour. A short time later his father came back home alone. He hadn't really wanted to stay at the pub for the night and left Alan to his own devices. When his father came in, Stephen moved to his usual place to sit at his mother's feet and watched their favourite shows with them. He usually didn't watch those types of shows, but he let them wash over him while he sat quietly, thinking about nothing at all. When it got late enough, he bid them goodnight and headed up to bed.
Tony was asleep, so he pulled his mobile out of his bag and listened to his messages. He really needed to call Eloy, but he knew it could wait until the morning. Eloy left a message telling him how busy his schedule was and how much he missed him. He replayed the message three times before hanging up the mobile and turning it off for the night. There was an emptiness in his heart where his lover was, torn by their separation. He knew there wasn't much he could do but hold on tight and wait for their next break.
He sighed as he rolled over to his back on the bed and waited for sleep to come. He didn't feel sleepy at all, and he stared up at the ceiling, listening to his parents in the next room. His father had had a bit to drink and was feeling rather amorous. Stephen broke out into a grin as he heard his mother protest through the thin walls. She loved to protest, but she was the first to make a move when she thought she could get away with it. He heard their laughter and he slowly drifted off to sleep, a smile on his face.