WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT BY: MOORE
PART 3
Chapter 10
The month before school ends, the anticipation of a long summer vacation; it's like a month of Friday afternoons. I had no plans for the summer other than to hang out with my friends, play ball, go to the beach, Yankee Stadium, Times Square, suck Mark's cock. Well, maybe suck Mark's cock. Though little doubt remained about my sexual preference, I was still hung up about sucking his dick and becoming a cocksucker.
Several times a week, more often if we could manage it, Mark and I got together for sex. His house, my house...I was getting better. But even after nine months, after what I'd seen in Times Square, I still wouldn't go all the way and take the head of his penis in my mouth. I did everything Mark did to me except open my mouth for his penis and his sperm. Mark didn't care. He'd blow me and shake all over when I licked his shaft and balls or rubbed him on my face. I'd cum in his mouth, he'd cum on my body...we were happy.
Girls were a whole other matter. The sexual revolution, free love, loosening morals was a few years away. In 1964, society expected boys and girls to behave themselves and we pretty much did. My experiences with girls consisted of well chaperoned school dances and group outings to the movies or bowling. A hot time was slow dancing to Johnny Mathis and nervously kissing with the lights off in somebody's rec room on a Saturday night and boasting about the experience with your friends on Monday. I did it too.
Lies mostly about getting to first base, which, according to the ninth grade rules, meant touching tongues while kissing. Second base was touching her breast. Third base was your hand below her waist. A homerun was getting inside her blouse and touching real skin. Nobody except Mitch Greer and Stuart Kaminsky claimed to have reached second base. Pretty tame stuff. Laughable when you look back on those days. It's ironic that the secret homosexual in my group of friends, me, was the first to go all the way with a girl. It's even more ironic that my homosexual friend, Mark, made it happen.
My mother and I were taking the train to Norfolk, Virginia to see George and Terrence before they shipped out to Viet Nam. We hadn't seen them since December when they enlisted and we were both excited about the reunion. Mark understood my need to go, but he was visibly upset that I'd be gone for so long. "Four days without sex," he muttered when I told him about the trip. "Four days without your dick in my mouth." I hadn't thought of that, what with all the excitement about the trip and all. We hadn't ever gone four days without sex. "I'm going to be a cum starved cocksucker when you get back, Steven. I may have to find a cute freshman to suck off while you're gone. Like that one by the coke machine." Mark chuckled when I actually turned around to see who he meant. The cafeteria was crowded during lunchtime...there were lots of cute boys for Mark to chose from. "You wouldn't?" "Just kidding, Steven, just kidding. Say, how about a blow job in the locker room?" Mark whispered in my ear. "Nobody's ever there during lunch. There's time. I could suck you off...we'd be back before the bell for sixth period." Before I could answer, Mitch Greer came over and asked to copy Mark's math homework. I would have said yes, Mark said no. The two of them didn't get along. What he actually said was, 'Fuck off, asshole, I hope you fail and get thrown off the team.' "Bastard," Mitch said with clenched fists, barely able to control his anger. I thought for sure he was going to start a fight. He might have too if one of his teammates, hadn't pulled him away. "This ain't over, you fat fuck," Mitch said over his shoulder. "I'll get even. You better watch your ass." "Fuck him," Mark said. "Big shot athlete thinks he owns the school and everybody in it. Let him do his own fuckin' homework. So, what do you say, Steven? "What?" "How about that blow job in the locker room?" Tempting as it was, I begged off. We'd never done it in school before and the thought of getting caught, however unlikely, was too frightening to think about. "Hey, I'll save it up for you. Four days worth. I wont jerk off while I'm gone, promise. You can blow me when I get back." "I want to suck your cock before you go. I'm calling you at home later if my father's going out. Your mom will let you come over after supper, won't she?" "Yeah, I guess so." Mark called a little after six, all excited. My mother had no objection to my going out so long as I was home by nine. I was ringing Mark's doorbell before seven, looking forward to a goodbye blow job. I was disappointed to see Mark dressed when he opened the door. He's usually naked, or at most wearing his Faggot posing strap or some other kinky underwear, when I come over for sex and no one's at home. To surprise him tonight, I'd fished my posing strap out from its hiding place in the bottom of my backpack, and worn it instead of my Fruits. Hopefully his father was leaving soon. Mark was beaming as he locked the door, turned to me and said, "Today's your lucky day. My sister's nympho friend Lorraine is coming here. She's not much to look at, Steven, but she loves to fuck." "She loves to what?" I'd heard what Mark said. It was an automatic response to an incredible statement. "Fuck. F-U-C-K. Rhymes with suck. Only you stick your dick in her cunt instead of in my mouth." "Hey, I know what fucking is. She's really going to let us fuck her?" "Like a bunny, Steven. Like a bunny. She's loaded, her mother is anyway. They live on Park Avenue in a huge penthouse apartment with servants and a Chinese houseboy I'd go down on in a sec." Mark was right on both counts. Facewise, Lorraine wasn't much to look at. Not ugly, but definitely not pretty either. Plain is the best way, the most generous way to describe her. Small brown eyes, a big nose, limp brown hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in a while. Not that I spent much time looking at her face because two minutes after she arrived, Lorraine took off her clothes and sprawled out on the couch naked. My first naked girl. Disappointing. The longer I looked at her naked body the more I realized that I'd rather look at a naked boy. "She's stoned," Mark said, pushing me closer to the couch. "You want to try some pot, get high, before you fuck her? Lorraine brought some great weed, best I ever had. I'm a little high too, I smoked a joint before you got here." I shook my head no, surprised to learn that Mark had smoked pot before without telling me. We had talked about it and agreed that using drugs, even pot, was a dumb thing to do. "This your friend, Mark? He's cute," Lorraine said after taking a big puff on the marijuana cigarette in her hand. "Yeah, my cute friend Steven." Lorraine spread her legs wide open and said, "C'mere Steven. You wanna drag?" "Uh, no," I muttered, stepping nervously between her legs. "I don't smoke." "Do you fuck?" Between the heavy smell of pot in the room and Lorraine's hand groping my crotch, my head was spinning and my penis was hard. She got my pants down below my knees and giggled when she saw what I was wearing underneath. "You're a fag?" Shit! The posing strap...COCKSUCKER printed on the pouch. "You're a fag?" She asked again, sliding a finger under the pouch and poking my balls. "A faggot cocksucker...like Mark?" "Yes. I mean no. I mean sort of. I mean..." "Hey, don't sweat it, Stevie baby. It's cool. I can dig boys who go both ways. S'long as they can get it up to feed my hungry pussy. You like my tits? Kiss my titties, fag boy. Suck my tits. Suck'em like you suck Mark's dick, cocksucker. Make me wet. Get me hot for your fag dick." Lorraine pulled my head down to her breasts. Her nipples were pink, standing up like little erections. I licked around each one, much the same way that Mark licks around the head of my penis, then took a nipple in my mouth and sucked. She took my hand and put it between her legs. It was strange not to find a penis and testicles, only pubic hair and folds of damp skin. Lorraine held my hand and thrust up so that my fingers went inside her. She was wet in there, kind of squishy, but sort of okay. She gasped several times as I poked around inside her body. I thought I was hurting her until she cried out, "Fuck me, faggot. Oh, god, put it in and fuck me." Mostly I just held on for the ride, followed her instructions, once Lorraine took hold of my boner, rubbed the head between the lips of her pussy and guided my hard five inches effortlessly into her body. "Hold still a minute," she whimpered, grabbing my hips when I started to move inside her. "You'll cum too soon. I want to feel your dick in my pussy." It took every bit of will power I had to hold still...to keep from thrusting deeply, furiously into her and blowing my load. Lorraine had a hand on my hip, the other pulling down my balls...controlling the action and apparently my orgasm. She was grinding herself on my penis for the longest time, agonizingly slow, then fast...pulling back so that just the head was in, then humping up to capture my shaft, mashing our pubes together. I could feel her warm juices on my nuts and dripping onto my thighs. From the corner of my eye I saw Mark. His clothes were gone and he was slowly stroking his penis, shining the head with spit and precum. I was so hot, so turned on. If he had brought it to my lips just then... "Suck me, cocksucker," Lorraine gasped in my ear. "Suck my tits, pound my pussy. Suck me and fuck me. Oh yeah, that's it, that's the way. Hard and deep. Faster, fuck me faster. Make me cum. Make me... so close...cum, cum, cum...ahhhhhhh." I didn't last but another few minutes pumping and thrusting into Lorraine. Seconds after I felt her body go stiff under me, felt her pussy clamp down on my penis, felt a flood of juices and heard her scream...I thrust hard into her one last time and roared. Semen exploded out of me, unseen. Not up in the air to land on my belly and chest, not against the shower wall, not into Mark's mouth where most of my sperm has ended up for months, but ejaculated deep inside a girl's body. "Stay in me, fag, don't pull out yet, stay in me," she said breathlessly, wrapping her arms and legs tightly around my sweaty body. I was happy for the chance to catch my breath, not so happy that she kept calling me fag and cocksucker. I had a revelation lying there on top of Lorraine, between her legs, my penis lodged inside her. Looking at her face, listening to her breath slowly returning to normal, feeling her slowing heart beating against my chest, and then, mysteriously, begin to race again when I flexed my reawakening penis inside her and rubbed my chest against her stiffening nipples. A stunning revelation. Like Adam and Eve, naked together in the Garden of Eden, when god appeared all angry at them for eating the apple from the Tree of Knowledge. Like Moses, when god gave him the Ten Commandments. Like Jesus Christ rising from the dead. Thanks to Lorraine, who was stirring again, making little noises as she licked my face, a great and awesome truth had been revealed to me. GIRLS -- LIKED -- SEX!! Girls liked sex. That was it, my great discovery. Girls liked sex. They liked having their breasts fondled and sucked even, hands all over their bodies, a guy's hard penis inside them. And they could have an orgasm, like a guy, and cum. Not sperm, I knew that from hygiene, but a different kind of cum that Lorraine had spilled all over my crotch. "That was nice, a great fuck. You're quite a stud for a fag." I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or an insult. "Get it up and let's go again," she demanded. That clinched it. This eighteen, nineteen year old friend of Mark's sister wanted it...telling me to fuck her. The girls I knew in ninth grade went nuts if you touched their bra strap and this girl, this naked girl tickling my balls, was telling me to fuck her...again. Ninth grade boys wanted sex so ninth grade girls must want it too. Yeah, it made sense, they wanted it only they didn't know they wanted it. Young girls obviously needed a boy to take charge, show them the ropes. When I got back from Norfolk, at the very next party when the lights went out, I was going to be that boy. "What about me?" Mark piped up. "When do I get to fuck you?" I'd forgotten about Mark. "Sorry, Lorraine," I said, sliding my boner out of her. "Mark's right. It's his turn to fuck you." Jesus Christ, was that me talking? Did I say that? The words just slipped out of my mouth. I sounded like one of the rough guys who hung out by the candy store, smoking and drinking beer and making nasty comments to the girls who passed by. That's the way to take charge, I thought. So I said it again. "It's Mark's turn to fuck you, Lorraine." "Okay, hop on fag. You gay boys sure do stick together. Don't go away though, Steven. You'll ball me again when Mark's done." "I'm gonna get a coke from the fridge. Anybody want one?" I wasn't gone two minutes and Mark was done already. Lorraine was, well I guessed she was masturbating. She had two fingers working in and out of her cunt. "I didn't know girls masturbated?" "Whadya think, only guys jerk off? Us girls like t' cum too, you know, when there's no hard dicks nearby...or a guy cums too quick to satisfy a girl's needs. Some boys, faggots, should stick to cocksucking...leave the fucking to real men." Lorraine was staring at Mark when she said that. "You got any plans for that hard piece of meat between your legs, fag boy? I got just the place for it. Put down that coke, stud, let's fuck." Lorraine got up from the couch when I didn't rush right over. It was a power thing. I didn't like what she said about my best friend and I didn't like her bossing me around, calling me a fag boy. I wanted to fuck her again, sure, but I wanted her to ask, be nice... and I told her so. Lorraine looked stunned, like I had slapped her in the face. She got on her knees and kissed the tip of my erect penis, took the head between her lips and looked up at me with her beady eyes. "You like that cock?" I said like an actor in a Times Square video. She nodded slightly and gagged when I thrust hard into her mouth. "Well then, suck it!" Mark and I have talked about it. I've seen it first hand in Times Square and there's magazines devoted to the subject. Domination, one person controlling another person...master and slave. Mark and I are friends and, despite the fact that I don't suck him off, we have an equal relationship. Neither of us tries to dominate the other, though I will admit to feeling a tiny bit superior when he's on his knees with my penis in his mouth. That's how I was feeling now, superior, and this girl was going to do what I told her to do. "Suck my cock, Lorraine. Do it." Lorraine backed off my penis. "I don't suck dick, especially fag dick. I'm no cocksucker. Fuck me, Steven. Fuck me." She scrambled around on all fours and showed me her dripping pussy. "Fuck me like a bitch dog." "I told you she was a nympho. Go ahead, Steven, give her what she needs. Fuck the shit out of her. I'll take care of her mouth." Lorraine squealed like a pig when I slid into her pussy. She backed up onto my prick so hard I nearly fell over. I think she came right away because her ass muscles clenched under my hands and I felt a flood of juices like the first time. I kept pumping away inside her, varying the speed of my thrusts to hold off my orgasm for as long as possible. Lorraine was babbling, fuck me, oh god, fuck me hard, over and over until Mark got down, put his penis in her mouth and told her to suck. She sucked. I heard her slurping on Mark's penis while I kept her other hole busy. We had a good rhythm going when Mark leaned over and kissed me. I kissed him back. "Let's switch." For a girl who didn't want to be a cocksucker, Lorraine did okay. Not nearly as good as Mark, but it felt darn good thrusting into her mouth while Mark fucked her from behind. Mark said he wanted to cum in her mouth so we switched again. I think Lorraine had another orgasm when my penis entered her pussy for the third time that night, and another one when I grabbed her tits and ejaculated inside her. The three of us ended up in a tangled heap of arms and legs on the floor, totally exhausted from our efforts. Lorraine was the first to recover. "Thanks, boys," she said standing up, cum on her face and running down her legs. "That was fun. You boys did okay...for fags." "So, what did you think," Mark said when she was gone. "How'd you like balling Lorraine?" "Is she always like that?" "Whenever I've seen her. She's a slut, can't keep her legs closed. I've seen her take on a roomful of guys at parties in the Village, one after another, until there isn't a hardon left for the guys, the gay guys who came to suck dick." "That's some kind of party." "Goes on all the time in Greenwich Village. So, answer my question, did you like fucking her?" "Yeah, I did, but..." "But you like my blow jobs better? Is that it? And guys turn you on more than girls? And dicks are more exciting than cunts? Come on, let's take a shower before we clean up this mess." I got a raging hardon in the shower with Mark. I even managed to shoot a little sperm into his mouth, though he had to suck hard for it, and got him to cum while playing with his soapy balls. He was right of course, fucking Lorraine was fun, but I did like boys more than girls and dicks more than cunts. His father came home as I was leaving. Ten minutes sooner and he would have found us spraying Lysol and using paper towels on the couch and carpet. Twenty minutes sooner and he would have found us in the shower together, washing away the accumulated sweat, semen and whatever it was that came out of girl when she had an orgasm. I walked home feeling pretty good about myself. My first time with a girl and according to Lorraine, her parting words, I had done okay for a fag. I had a sinking feeling as I opened the door to my house. What if Lorraine told Cindy that I was a fag? And Cindy told her father and her father told my mother? I'd deny it if Mr. Levine said anything to her and pray she'd believe me. What could he say? Mrs. Ryan, I'm afraid to tell you that your son Steven is a homosexual. No, he'd keep quiet, but he'd suspect that Mark was doing stuff again, with me...all the time we spent together. He'd keep us apart, for sure. He might even send Mark back to that evil school. My mother was upstairs, packing for our trip. I called out hello and made a quick call to Mark. I felt a little better after we spoke. Mark laughed off my concerns, assuring me that his sister wouldn't rat on us. "Good night, cocksucker," he whispered into the phone. "Have a good trip." "Goodnight faggot," I whispered back. I quickly packed what I needed for the trip, said goodnight to my mother and got ready for bed. I returned the posing strap to its hiding place in my backpack, not bothering to bury it on the bottom like I usually do, and climbed into bed naked. Chapter 11 The train to Norfolk was crowded with families going to see their sons before they shipped out to Viet Nam. Boys were dying over there. My brothers could get shot, or worse, though I didn't think about that much. I was too busy thinking about last night, fucking Lorraine, and the wonderful discovery about girls and sex. Every teenage girl that passed by my seat wanted to have sex only she didn't know it yet. Several nice looking boys caught my eye too. I made so many visits to the bathroom to adjust my erection that my mother asked if I was constipated. I didn't need to shit. I needed to jerk off, but I had promised to save it for Mark. I'd really need a blow job, probably blast Mark's head off with cum when I got back. He liked blowing me so much, liked eating sperm so much, he just might find a freshman to suck off while I was away. After all, four days was a long time and Mark was like obsessed when it came to sex. I worried about him more than he worried about himself and the pot smoking was another thing to worry about. We'd all heard the school assembly lecture and watched the film strip about the dangers of marijuana. How it could mess up your mind and lead to other drugs, stronger drugs like heroine. The photos of drug addicts, junkies, were meant to scare us, make us aware of the dangers, and it worked on me. I don't think it had the same impact on Mark. The army had busses waiting for us at the train station to take us to the motel and to the base the next morning. We ate an early dinner and watched TV in our room until I couldn't keep my eyes open. It was strange waking up in the same room with my mother, watching her get ready while waiting for my morning hardon to go down so I could get out of bed. George and Terrence met us in the mess hall where breakfast was available, cafeteria style, for the soldiers and their families. It was good to see my brothers again after so many months. They looked great in their army fatigues, bigger than I remembered, older and more muscular. Mom was so happy that she started to cry. "Tears of joy," she said. "Your father would be so proud. Proud of all three of his fine sons." Colonel Hanratty, the base commander, gave a speech welcoming all the families and sort of promoting the army and the army way of life and what a good thing it was to serve your country. "Your boys will be home by Christmas," he said more than once. "All you people here today, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, look around and be proud of the best men in these United States of America." The room burst into applause at his remarks, everybody cheered. Patriotism, support for the war, still ran high in the spring of 1964. "Enjoy the next two days," he continued. "Explore the base, see how your tax dollars support the finest fighting force in the world. And for the boys in the audience, fifteen and over, I want you to enjoy a real taste of army life. Sleep in the barracks tonight. Run the obstacle course and use the weapons at the firing range. Put yourself to the test. See if you've got the stuff to be a man. An army man." George dared me to do it so I signed up, along with three other boys. Mom went off with the other parents and girls while I went with Corporal Rostoff to get a taste of life in the army. The four of us were taken to a room and told to strip for our physicals. "Balls naked, boys. I'll be back to take you to see the doc." The colored boy in the group had his shirt off when he announced, "I'm enlistin' soon as I turn eighteen next month. Gonna kill me some commie chink mothafuckers an' fuck their chink sisters. Lotsa easy pussy in Nam, from what I hear." I turned my back to the others and began to undress slowly, praying silently that I wouldn't embarrass myself by springing a boner. If George hadn't dared me... "I hear them chink cunts spread'em fast for big cocks 'cause chink got little fag dicks. Man, I can't hardly wait t' get over there, show'em my meat...they be fallin' all over themselves t' get my cock shoved up their box. Gonna make'em suck it first. Yeah, make'em suck my dick 'fore I fuck the shit out of'em. Whadya boys think? Chink cunts'll go crazy over my big dick, right?" Corporal Rostoff returned before any of us had to answer. "Leave your clothes and follow me." He marched us double time down a long hallway that was crowded with soldiers and into a small exam room. "Wait here, boys. The doc'll be in soon." The four of us stood there side by side, naked as the day we were born, and waited. And waited. And waited. I kept my eyes on the wall clock and my mind on geometry. I was dying to sneak a peak at the other boys, especially the colored boy, but I didn't. "Hurry up and wait," the boy on my right said. He had red hair and lots of freckles. "I hate waiting and why'd they have to take our clothes? Make us wait around naked?" "It's a test for new recruits," the boy on my left said. "To see if a recruit is normal." "What do you mean, normal?" "The army makes everybody strip, wait around naked. That's how they weed out the homos...boys who like boys? You know, find out if a guy is queer." The red haired boy blushed. "But that's not fair." "Fair or not, it's true, my brother told me. When he got his One A, went for his physical, any boy that got a hardon had to see the shrink. That's how the army finds out if a boy is a fag. He also told me that some boys came to the physical wearing girls underwear. You know, panties? One boy even wore makeup and a wig and a dress." The colored boy laughed with the rest of us and said. "Guy comes in here right now dressed up like a girl, know what I'd do?" "Punch his lights out?" "Not right away, man. First I'd put that faggot to his knees an' make him lick my balls. Yeah, lick my balls and kiss my ass. Then I'd make the fag suck my dick. Then I'd nut in his cocksucker mouth, make the fag swallow my jizz. When he got done blowin' me, then I'd punch his lights out for bein' queer." "Wow! You'd let a guy suck you off?" "You musta never had a blow job?" "Never." "Sheeeit, lemme tell ya. We got a boy name a' Lyle Carstairs in Sweetwater, Georgia, where I live. His daddy's rich. They be livin' in a big house with a swimmin' pool an' everything. I seen it 'cause my momma works in the kitchen. Lyle wears fancy clothes, drives a red Mustang; got cash money, lots of it in his pocket. For some years now, Lyle been comin' over t' my part of town coupla' times a week t' suck dick. I was goin' on fourteen first time he blowed me, and man, that white boy sucks cock better'n any girl in Sweetwater." "Do you beat him up for being gay?" The red haired boy asked, a note of worry in his high pitched voice. I also noticed that he used the word gay rather than fag. Curious. "Maybe I, ah, he... Lyle, maybe he doesn't want to be gay. Maybe he can't help it." The colored boy laughed before answering and put his hand on the red haired boy's shoulder. "Sure we beat him up some, a black eye or a bloody nose, 'cause it's fun watchin' the fag cry like a girl. We do other stuff too, like makin' him ask an' say please before lettin' him suck, an' thank you after each guy nuts in his mouth. And we take his money, like he's payin' us t' suck cock. An' sometimes we piss on the fag, on his clothes, an' leave him naked while we drive around in his car. Lyle don't seem to mind none, he keeps comin' back. That little white fag dick a his keeps gettin' hard. Kinda like yours is now." The red haired boy blushed. He was trembling, but he didn't back away from the colored boy. His eyes drifted down the colored boy's body and he licked his lips a few times and started to say something when the door flew open and Corporal Rostoff came into the exam room. "Ten hut," he shouted as an old guy in a white coat, a stethoscope dangling from his neck, came into the room. The medical exams were quick. The doctor made no comment about the red haired boy's very obvious erection. He just went about his business, gave us all a clean bill of health and sent us on our way to the quartermaster. Again we had to wait bareassed while the private behind the counter searched for our sizes. I felt bad for the red haired boy whose stiff penis showed no sign of going down. Corporal Rostoff had us standing at attention in the busy hallway, I think he did it on purpose, and soldiers snickered as they passed by. Each of us finally got issued green fatigues, boots, underwear and caps, just like real soldiers. The rest of the day was loads of fun. The real soldiers laughed as we made our way clumsily around the obstacle course and tried to hit the targets at the firing range. The best part was climbing into a Sherman tank and driving it across the compound. I was wiped out when the four of us reported to Charley Company Barracks to wash up for dinner. Terrence was in Charley Company. George was in Bravo. Mom went back to the motel after dinner happy to learn that only one of her sons was going to Viet Nam. George was going to Germany instead, because the army didn't send brothers to a combat zone. My bunk was next to Terrence's and as we got ready for bed it was a lot like being in our bedroom back home only this room had forty beds. Nobody wore pj's in the army. Guys stripped to their skivvies and lined up to use the john. I saw the colored boy with his brother and the red haired boy next to a taller red haired boy who had to be his brother. "Hey, Ter," one of the soldiers said to my brother. "Harley's in the mood and I've cleared it with Sergeant Clapton. You in?" "Harley is always in the mood," my brother replied with a laugh. "Yeah, count me in...no, waitup, I better not tonight. This is my kid brother. Nick, this is Steven." Nick stuck out his hand and we shook. He was a muscular guy, like he worked out a lot, and hairy. His chest and arms were covered with thick black hair. "Nice to meet you, Steven." Nick turned to my brother and said, "So bring him along." "Steven's only fifteen." "So. He's old enough. Let him have the thrill of his life. Harley'll be happy to do one more." "I don't know if it's such a good idea." "Leave it to me, Ter, leave it to me." The line for the bathroom inched forward as a few other soldiers came over and asked Nick if Harley was a go for later. They got back in line with smiles on their faces. Nick put his arm around my shoulder, even his knuckles were hairy, and asked if I had a girlfriend. Jeez he was handsome. And the smell of his body, maybe it was all the hair. "Nope, no girlfriend." "You jerk off, though, don't you?" Terrence looked mighty uncomfortable when I shook my head yes. At home we never talked about sex and jerking off and stuff. Not since I had my first wet dream, anyway, and George explained a few things. How uncomfortable would Terrence be, how surprised, if he knew I had a boyfriend and if he knew what I did with Mark. "Sure I jerk off," I said to Nick. Nick smiled. "No girlfriend, a guy's got to jerk off or go nuts." Or have a boyfriend that likes to blow me, I thought. "There's no women on an army base, Steven, only men. And we haven't been off this base for months. Guys get tired of madam palm and her five fingers. Need a change of pace. Know what I mean?" "Uh huh." I was surprised, but I got the message loud and clear and so did my penis. Nick was coming on to me in front of my brother ...in front of Charley Company. Terrence said nothing so I figured that guys in the army helped each other out and Nick's hand did feel good resting on my bare shoulder. I expected to feel him move it soon, all the way down to my crotch, into my skivvies. He'd expect me to do the same for him and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that I would jerk him off too. "You know what a blow job is?" Uh, oh. "Yeah." "You ever get one?" "No," I blurted out which caused a few heads to turn our way. I'd trade hand jobs with him, with Terrence too if he wanted. But I wasn't going to trade blow jobs. The first penis in my mouth was going to be Mark's penis. The first sperm in my mouth was going to be Mark's sperm. I owed it to Mark for all the times he had sucked me off. "Want one? It can be arranged...if you don't mind getting head from a guy." "A guy!" I said, pretending to be shocked. "You?" "No, not me squirt, I'm a pussy man myself. I'm talking about a queer guy...a fag. Don't know how he got through the army physical, but he did and he's here and he loves to suck cock. Tell him, Ter, is Harley a good cocksucker or what?" "Oh yeah he's good," my brother quickly agreed. "Better than the homo in Bravo Company. George told me Bravo Company's fag can't suck for shit and he wont let the guys cum in his mouth. Alpha's got a good one, Dover's got two of them, but Harley's the best damn cocksucker in the platoon." George too. Wow. We were brothers, shared a bedroom for years, and it turns out we hardly knew each other. I had no idea they'd let a fag suck them off. They had no idea that their kid brother was a fag. And that's the way I wanted to keep it. "What would I have to do?" I said with all the innocence of a teenage boy who couldn't possibly have any idea about this kind of stuff. "Do? You don't do anything except enjoy the blow job. The queer does all the work. That's what fags are for. Taking care of hard dicks...like the one sticking out of your shorts, Steven." I laughed along with Nick and Terrence at the sight of my erection bobbing up and down as we approached the sinks. The lights went out automatically at ten o'clock. Except for a small light in the bathroom, so nobody broke their neck if they had go during the night, the barracks was dark. Lying in bed with my hand around my prick I was thinking about Mark, wondering what he was doing right now, when Terrence whispered in my ear. "It's time." I followed him towards the bathroom, Nick and several more soldiers joined us along the way. The colored boy and his brother and five other soldiers were already inside, clustered by the sinks. In front of the urinals on the other side of the room, the red haired boy was fidgeting next to his brother. First time blow job jitters, I thought. "Okay," Nick said, taking charge. "Looks like we're all here. And a few guests." Nick had us introduce ourselves. The colored boy's name was Winston, the red haired boy was Drew. "Take the first watch, Ed. You know the drill if Hanratty comes around." "Yeah, invite him in for a blow job," Ed said taking a position by the door. That got everybody laughing softly and joking until a high pitched voice piped up. "Can't we get started, guys?" One of the soldiers called out, "Cocksucker's eager tonight." Nick winked at me as he turned to face the urinals. "What did you say, Harley?" The red haired soldier took off his army issued underwear and fell to his knees. His kid brother, Drew, stayed by his side. "Please, Nick, can't we get started? It's been days. I need a dick in my mouth. I need to suck cock, lots of cock. Please." So this was Harley. Charley Company's fag. The best damn cocksucker in the platoon according to Terrence. "Are you okay with this, Steven?" Terrence asked. "I know it's weird, we can go if you want to." "No, it's okay. Let's stay." Harley was stroking his penis while the soldiers decided who would go first. My brother had a hand in his shorts when he said, "Hard to believe a guy would actually..." "Suck cock?" I volunteered when he paused, clearly embarrassed to be talking this way to his kid brother. If he only knew. "Yeah, suck cock...let guys ejaculate into his mouth. And he wants it all the time, Steven. Mopes around in between these sessions, pleads with Nick to arrange them more often with the Sarge. It's amazing really, like he's addicted to cock sucking and guys unloading in his mouth. He's as bad, worse, than the guys who smoke pot. By the way, Steven, don't believe anyone who says that you can't get addicted to pot and that it doesn't lead to other drugs because it does. I've seen it for myself." The soldiers were still deciding when Winston called out, "Make the fag suck his brother's dick." The soldiers seemed to like that idea. Harley too. Drew protested a bit, but allowed his brother to strip off his shorts and take him in his mouth. The two brothers had done this before, I was almost sure of it. Harley wasn't just sucking, he was kissing his brother's balls and licking his brother's penis. The soldiers noticed and Nick had to keep reminding everybody to keep their voices down. "Not your dicks, boys," he joked, "just your voices." The laughter that greeted Nick's remark died suddenly when Drew went to his knees and whispered something in Harley's ear. Even I gasped when the two red heads arranged themselves on the floor in a classic sixty nine. "Holy shit, they're both fags," a soldier said as the brothers went at each other like animals in heat. "Two faggot cocksuckers." I held Terrence back when the others moved closer to the couple on the floor. There would never be a better time to ask him a question that had nagged at me for a long time. "Ever do anything, you know, fool around with George?" The tiniest smile appeared at the corners of his mouth. Without taking his eyes off the cocksucking brothers, or his hand off his penis, he said, "Not like that we didn't." "Does that mean you did other things?" My brother turned to face me, checked to see that no one was looking our way, and touched the tip of his penis to mine. His army buddies were too busy watching the cocksuckers on the floor to notice the two of us mingling our precum. "We used to fool around some when you were asleep, Steven, like this, and in the shower. Kid stuff. Jerking off together and each other. But we stopped doing that stuff years ago," he said pulling back, "before we got to high school. Only fags keep doing it. Now all I want, all I wish to do is lose my virginity and get laid. George too, ask him. Soon as I get to Nam I'm going to find a girl and fuck my brains out." I didn't have the heart to tell him about fucking Lorraine or the courage to tell him about Mark, or tell him that I was almost certain that I was a fag. "Did you ever blow each other?" "Ter, come over here, you've got to see this," Nick called out. "The fags are about to cum in each others mouth." Drew was on top of Harley, sucking away on his brother like he'd been doing it for years. Harley was giving head as good as he was getting. Harley tapped Drew's ass three times, then twice, then once. It must have been a signal between the brothers because the two of them stiffened and climaxed at the same time. Drew had no trouble with his brother's load. He drank it down much the way Mark does when I cum in his mouth. The unmistakable smell of semen that filled the air came from a soldier shooting off all over Drew's back. Nobody moved until Nick said, "Okay, you fags have had your fun, now it's our turn to get our rocks off in your cocksucker mouths." Harley and Drew scrambled to their knees, side by side, prepared to take on Charley Company when the bathroom door opened and a soldier rushed in. "Hanratty is coming." Terrence grabbed my hand and we hightailed it back to the safety of our bunks. It was funny when I thought about it later...ironic. The only guys to get a blow job that night were the two fags. "Surprise inspection," Terrence whispered from his bunk. "It happens from time to time. They're looking for drugs, not fags."Mom returned to the base in the morning, happy to be spending time with her three sons and sad that two of them were shipping out. We lingered long before she and I had to board the bus that would take us to the train station, not knowing when we would all be together again. Then it was time. A final hug, one last kiss, one last reminder to be careful, and mom boarded the bus with tears running down her cheeks.
I shook hands with each of my brothers and then, needing to feel closer and not caring what anyone thought, George and Terrence and I embraced. We held tight to each other, faces touching, fighting to hold back the tears. "Take care of yourself, Steven," George said. "And take care of mom."
"I will, I promise." With tears in my eyes I turned to the bus. Terrence stopped me as I prepared to board. "Stay away from drugs, Steven, they'll get you into all kinds of trouble." I nodded, unable to speak. Then, with a twinkle in his eye and a big grin on his face, he pointed to Harley and Drew and said with a chuckle, "Watch out for fags."
Terrence never came home from Viet Nam. Killed in action, a hero, the telegram said. He died at the end of June 1964, the same day I graduated from junior high school, one month after he had gotten there. My brother was dead...dead. How could such a thing happen? Not how so much, I knew how, but why? For what purpose? What little faith I had left in god was shattered. The tiniest part of me that still wanted to believe in god dissolved in a flood of tears. I was numb for days. Mark, like he had when my father died, once again showed what a truly devoted friend he was. But I thought of nothing except my brother...not even the little problem that had arisen two weeks before school ended. Mom was devastated, worse even than when my father was killed less than a year before. At her insistence we held a memorial mass for Terrence Andrew Ryan; the church filled to capacity with family and friends, all my teachers and classmates. The very last place in the world I wanted to be was in a church, fuck god, but I went for my mother's sake. Father Peter, assisted by his nephew Paul, led the service. Paul gave the sermon and while he was talking I relived for the hundredth time the last time, the last night Terrence and I had been together. When it was time for silent prayer I prayed not for my brother's soul, not for his eternal rest up in heaven. No more of that god bullshit for me and hypocrite priests like Father Peter who preyed on innocent little boys. Nope. I prayed instead that his wish had been granted. I prayed that my brother had found a girl in Viet Nam. I prayed that Terrence had gotten laid before he died. As I looked around the crowded church, at Mark Levine by my side at Mitch Greer and Stuart Kaminsky in the pew to my left, I also thought about the last advice, the last thing that Terrence had ever said to me, 'Stay away from drugs...watch out for fags.' Chapter 12 We got home late from Norfolk on Sunday night. Mom was worn out after the trip and went right to bed. I called Mark. It was too late to get together, his father was home anyway. I just wanted to let him know that I was home and that since I had kept my promise not to jerk off while I was away, I needed a blow job bad. "Not as bad as I need to suck your dick, Steven. Didn't you know, fags have got to suck dick? We dry out if we go too long without a juicy cock in our mouths and fresh cum in our bellies." We kidded around like that until I told him that I had to take a cold shower or risk blowing my load in my Fruit of the Looms. "Don't you dare," he shot back. "That load of cum is for me. Go take your shower and keep your hands off that dick, cocksucker." I laughed. "Goodnight to you too, faggot." The shower did help some and the two pairs of Fruits I put on after helped some more. I almost lost it when I arranged my books and stuff for school the next day and found the posing strap where I had left it. It smelled a little rank, the C in COCKSUCKER was badly stained. I'd have to wash it sometime when my mother was out of the house. I carefully put it back on the bottom along with the photos of me wearing it and the shots of me naked with Mark's semen on my body. The souvenirs of my first blow job. I climbed into bed with an erection and tried not to think about sex. I hadn't had one in a long time, but in my condition, a wet dream was a distinct possibility. I woke up early on Monday, happy to note that my Fruits were dry. Mom fixed me a big breakfast and sent me off to school with an extra big hug and extra kisses. I understood. With Terrence off to Viet Nam and George about to leave for Germany, I was all she had left. "We'll order a pizza for dinner if that's okay, Steven. A few church ladies are meeting here this afternoon so I wont have time to cook." "Pizza's fine, mom," I said, grabbing my backpack and heading out the door. Mark wasn't in the schoolyard which surprised me. I was anxious to see him and thought he'd also be anxious. He missed first period too, in fact, he didn't show up at school until lunch. "My father's sick," Mark explained, sliding in next to me at the cafeteria table and putting his hand on my knee. "Had to wait for the doctor to come. Hey, it's good to see you, Steven." "He going to be okay?" I gasped as Mark's hand moved along the inside of my leg. "Yeah. The doctor said it's the flu. Couple of days in bed and he'll be fine. Not me though, I can't wait a couple of days and from what you said on the phone last night and from what's going on in your pants, neither can you. C'mon, Steven, the locker room'll be deserted." "Stop, somebody'll see," I whispered as he grabbed my crotch. Mark was right, I couldn't wait the three hours until school was over to get my hands on his body and my penis in his mouth. "You go first. I'll follow in a minute...soon as my boner goes down." Chapter 13 We'd never done it in school before and I was a little nervous and a lot horny. Another couple of hours...school would be over, but we couldn't go to his house like always because his father was home sick. My house was out because my mother was home with her church ladies. So it was the locker room right now or wait for tomorrow and neither of us could wait another minute, let alone another day. When Mark sat down on the narrow bench that ran between the lockers and opened my pants, well, my concerns grew smaller as my penis grew bigger. I helped him take off my pants and Fruits so he could get his tongue underneath my balls before taking my penis in his mouth. Mark was torturing me with his mouth and hands. Make it last, I thought, don't cum, hold it. "Let me do you," I said kneeling down. It was a tight squeeze in the space between the bench and the lockers against my back when Mark sat and I unzipped his pants. He wasn't wearing any underwear. The sight of Mark's hardon, the head already shiny with precum, made me realize how much I had missed this while I was away. Suck it, I thought as I stroked his penis and spread the precum around with my thumb. Take his dick in your mouth and suck it. The old battle between the horny devil and the good catholic boy raged anew in my head. Days of abstinence, and the horny devil in me was winning. I could almost hear the horny devil urging, You know you're a fag, Steven. You know you want to do it. Now's the time, boy, this is the place. Do it, Steven. Take that dick in your mouth. Take that hard dick in your mouth and suck. It's time, boy, time for you to become a cocksucker. My whole body shuddered, Mark shuddered too, when I reached in for his balls and kissed them. He smelled so darn good. I licked around his oh so tight balls and up the underside of his shaft. He tasted so darn good. I pulled the rigid shaft away from his pants and rubbed the silky smooth head all around my face, stopping with the head barely touching my closed lips. Mark gasped when I blew a stream of air on his penis. "Suck me, Steven. Oh, god, Steven, please suck my dick." Mark put his hands on my face and pulled my head towards his crotch. I thought I heard something, a footstep, but dismissed it to the sound of my heart beating madly in my chest. When I heard it again, what I thought was a footstep, it was too late. "Having fun, cocksucker?" I closed my eyes and wished I was dead. A million thoughts raced through my mind as time and my heart stopped. One thought stuck out, something Paul Sweet, the guy at Boys Town had said. I could see his face, his very large penis heavy in my hand when he had asked if I had ever been caught on my knees with a dick in my mouth?' Well, some teacher had caught me. Not with a dick actually in my mouth, thank god. Close enough though and there'd be hell to pay for sure. Maybe it was the janitor. Please let it be the janitor instead of some teacher who'd tell the principal who'd have to call my mother. "Having fun cocksucker? Steven Ryan and Mark Levine. Well what do you know. Couple of homos doing their thing." My eyes flew open. I knew that voice. Mitch! Oh my god, Mitch Greer! I tried to get up off my knees, but I was trapped, wedged between the locker and Mark's body. Not a sound came out of my mouth. I was stone cold speechless, frozen in place with Mark's penis in my face. "H..o..m..o..s..e..x..u..a..l..s," Mitch said slowly, dragging out the word until I thought I would die from shame. "Never would have suspected it about you, Ryan. Levine, on the other hand, I've never seen him with a girl. Never see him play ball. Mister smart ass know it all. Too good to share his homework, help me out. Did you think I'd forget? I didn't. I got hell from the coach, hell from my parents. Payback time Levine." Mitch was an okay guy. A little conceited about his good looks and athletic skills...his body, but basically okay. He was really going at Mark. I was the one on my knees with no pants or underwear on, yet Mitch was dumping all over Mark. "I'm really going to enjoy watching you sweat, Levine, the way I had to sweat. Yeah, really sweat when I tell everybody, the whole school, that Mark Levine is queer. Bet your folks too will just love hearing that their smart ass son is a fag." Mark was pale, yet outwardly calm. He had to be in shock because the fear and terror in my heart was evident in his eyes. I looked at Mitch, standing there smugly, hands on his hips, gloating. "He's not," I said in a tiny voice, not quite sure of what I was about to do, but certain I had to do something. "Not a homosexual," I said more boldly. My best friend...the one who was there for me when my father died. My pal, my buddy. The hours we spent together talking, sharing our thoughts and hopes and dreams. This had nothing to do with the physical...the homosexual part of our relationship. Nothing to do with sex. This had to do with his life. I truly believed that my best friend's life was at stake. I'll kill myself. How many times had he said that to me? I was afraid he would do it. "He's not a homosexual." If Mitch told, if Mark's father found out, Mark would kill himself. I was certain he would do it before he'd go back to that terrible school with all the medications and shock therapy. I had to do what I had to do. I had to save his life...no matter what happened to me. I looked Mitch right in the eye, took a deep breath, and said with all the conviction I could muster. "Mark is not a homosexual... I am." "You don't have to do this," Mark said. "Shut up Levine," Mitch blurted out. "What'd you say Ryan?" "You heard me, Mitch." "Yeah, maybe. I'm not so sure I heard you right...bunch a bull... about Levine. Say it again." Mark tried to hush me, but I was not to be stopped from doing what I thought was necessary. "I said that Mark is not a homosexual." Mitch had a look of disbelief on his face, like I was bullshiting him. "I heard that part...and then?" I had to make him believe, convince him, erase any doubts in his mind or he would spread the rumor...Mark's father might hear it and, oh, god, I couldn't bear it if something terrible happened, Mark did something terrible, something I could have prevented. I took Mark's penis in my shaking hand. "I'm the homosexual, Mitch, Mark is straight. I asked him to come into the locker room with me so I could..." Jesus help me... "so I could." I took a breath... "so I could suck his cock" "Holy shit, Ryan, suck his cock. You are the fag!" Thinking I had made my point, I let Mark's penis fall out of my hand and started to get up. "Come on Mark, lets go." Mitch pushed me back down on the bench. "Not so fast, Ryan, stay where you are. Levine! Grab your shit and scram. Take Ryan's clothes with you...the fag and I got some business to ah, discuss. I said beat it, Levine," Mitch growled when Mark hesitated. "Before I change my mind." "Go ahead, Mark," I said, pushing him away. "I'll be okay." Mitch turned his attention back to me as Mark's footsteps faded away. "So you're really a homo?" he said, moving closer to me. "Uh, huh," I mumbled, closing my eyes in utter shame. "Not Levine?" "Uh, huh." "You're really a cocksucker?" Oh, Jesus, take me now. "Uh, huh." "You've been going down on Levine, sucking him off before today?" "Uh, huh." "Anybody else?" "No!" Mitch moved a step closer, his crotch inches from my face. The sound of his snap unsnapping and his zipper slowly unzipping were the most frightening sounds I had ever heard in my life. "You wanna blow me, faggot? Suck my dick?" Oh, god help me. I wanted to get out of there in the worst way. Praying for someone, a teacher, to come in and stop what this was leading to. I had to stall for time. "Can I have my backpack?" "You didn't answer my question. You wanna blow me?" At least he was asking, not demanding. There was still a chance I could get out of this relatively unscathed. Embarrassed, sure, but he had no witnesses. I could deny it ever happened. Mark would back me up. Mitch had no evidence, nothing to prove that I was a fag. It'd be his word against mine. All I had to do was get away from him, get out of the locker room. I had gym shorts in my pack. I'd run away naked if I had to, but if I just could get a hold of my pack. "Give me my backpack." "Suuure," he said, picking it up and dumping out the contents. "What are you looking for? These shorts, maybe? To cover your ass and run off before we finish our business, before you, before you....what the fuck is this?" The posing strap, shit. Mitch was holding the posing strap Mark had given me, the one with COCKSUCKER boldly printed on the pouch. And the pictures of me wearing it and, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, the pictures of me naked with pools of cum on my chest and belly. "Put it back, Mitch, you got no right to go through my stuff." "What's the matter, Ryan, afraid I'll show this stuff around? Think I'd do that, Ryan? Show this picture of you wearing this thing, this fag jock. Think I'd show it around school?" "Put it back, Mitch," I said without much conviction. "Please." "I'm not finished looking yet. Say, is that cum all over you in this one? Levine's cum? The guys are gonna howl, piss their pants, when I show'em this stuff." "Please, Mitch, don't. Please don't," I begged in desperation. "What do you want to put the stuff back, forget you saw it? Money? I'll pay you. How much do you want? Please, Mitch." He rubbed his crotch in my face and said, "Guess what I want, Ryan. I'll give you a clue...it isn't money." "A blow job?" I whispered. A question that hardly needed to be asked because I knew what the answer would be. "Bingo!! Give the fag a kewpie doll." "If, if I blow you will you put the stuff back?" "Yeah." "Forget you saw it?" "Yeah." "Promise?" "Yeah, sure." Crunch time. Trust Mitch to keep his promise in exchange for a blow job or, or...there was no or. Mark's life was at stake. "Okay, Mitch, I'll do it." A silly grin spread across his face, talk about your awkward moments. He was about to get a blow job and I think he was more nervous than me. He didn't know what to do, or so it appeared. I, at least, had experience in these matters. He stepped closer and looked down at me, waiting for me to make the first move. "Take it out," I said, anxious to get this over with. I knew his penis was big and hairy and I was just the tiniest bit interested to see what his penis looked like up close. He put his hands on his hips and waited. I accidently rubbed his bulge with my cheek and he shuddered like he was going to cum. Maybe I could get him to cum in his boxer shorts or in my hand. Maybe I wouldn't have to take his penis in my mouth and blow him after all. Maybe he'd chicken out, decide, please god, that he didn't want to go through with this. "Take it out for me....fag." Ouch. That hurt more than a slap in the face, but I did what he said. I got his pants opened the rest of the way, pushed them down along with his boxer shorts and stared at his dick. Mitch had a grown man's equipment. Big and fat, hair all over his belly, hair on his balls. From the looks of his prick you'd never know he was only fifteen. "C'mon already, put it in your mouth and start sucking," he said, stabbing me in the face. "Blow me, faggot!! Suck my big dick, cocksucker!!" For Mark, I reminded myself. You're doing this to save Mark's life. I wrapped my hand behind the head of his penis and guided it to my lips. One little push and Mitch was through my lips and, oh god, his cock was in my mouth. I had his cock in my mouth. "Suck it, cocksucker. Suck my dick." I looked up at Mitch, his penis felt like a steel rod in my mouth, and looked away in shame. I thought about Mark and the sacrifice I was making for him. I thought about the son of god and the sacrifice he had made. And the Sunday school lesson, the quote from the bible. What was it? Oh, yeah. Jesus Wept. I cried a little too as Mitch eased more of his cock into my mouth. I shed a few tears, gagged some, and I sucked. The long wait was over. The months of indecision, years really since discovering that I liked to look at boys, naked boys, and fantasize about naked boys when I masturbated. The early confusion, denial, guilt, shame; the reluctance to admit my homosexuality, which began to melt away when I met Mark, was all gone now. I knew for sure that I was a homosexual, gay...a fag. Now too, with a penis in my mouth, Mitch Greer's big, fat, hairy penis in my mouth...I was a cocksucker. It wasn't much of a blow job, more a battle to keep Mitch from pushing to deeply into my mouth and cutting off my air. I choked and gagged, drooled like a baby, until I got accustomed to having such a large object in my mouth. Don't fight it, suck and swallow, breathe through your nose, lesson one for a first time cocksucker. Mitch's cock may have been sliding smoothly between my lips, but my mind was on Mark. It should have been Mark's dick I was sucking on, not Mitch Greer's. "Keep sucking, Ryan, I'm almost there. Almost ready to cum." I looked up at Mitch, horrified, backing off his cock when he said that. Sucking him was one thing, but, oh god, noooo. "Please Mitch, not in my mouth. Please don't cum in my mouth. I'll suck you, get you off...only please, I'm begging you, please don't cum in my mouth." "Yeah, I'll think about it...let you know, cocksucker," he said. "Now get back on my dick, faggot, back on my dick and suck it." A minute or so more of sloppy cock sucking and Mitch let me know. Six furious squirts of thick warm sperm spewing into my mouth was his answer. It all happened so quickly. One second I had his dick between my lips, the head pressing on my tongue as I sucked, the next I was choking on spurts of his warm salty fluid, his sticky semen that rapidly filled my mouth. I vaguely remember Mitch saying, "Looks like you enjoyed that too, cocksucker," then rushing off, leaving me dazed and racked with guilt. My mouth was filled to overflowing with his warm semen and my hand was furiously stroking my embarrassingly erect penis."Here's your clothes, Steven. Quick, get dressed. The first bell for sixth period just rang, we have to get out of here."
I turned away from Mark in shame. I didn't want him to see me like this, not with a full blown erection or about to swallow the load of sperm that was still in my mouth. It stung the back of my mouth and throat going down. The taste of the stuff was unlike anything I had ever tasted. I felt light headed as Mark hauled me off the bench and got me into my clothes as the final bell sounded. I remembered to grab my backpack before he rushed me out of the locker room and into an empty class room.
"What happened, Steven? What'd Mitch do to you? I saw him rush out and..."
"Don't ask," I said, turning my head so he wouldn't smell the cum on my breath. I could smell it and no matter how much I swallowed the taste of Mitch's sperm remained in my mouth. I didn't want Mark to know that I had sucked Mitch's prick, that Mitch had cum in my mouth. Not yet anyway, maybe never. "Let's just get out of here, away from the school."
There was something I had to do, wanted to do, before deciding if I would tell him that I had sucked Mitch. Sucked Mitch's cock, sucked Mitch's cock, the words echoed in my mind. I was a cocksucker, a faggot cocksucker. I had done it to save Mark...I knew I'd never tell him that...but it didn't change the fact that I had sucked a cock. A guy had cum in my mouth. I was a cocksucker...a guilty cocksucker to boot.
"Let's go to your house," I said when we were two blocks away from school. The final pieces of my hastily thought out plan falling into place.
"My father's home sick."
"Mine then, come on."
Chapter 14
"Steven? Is that you? You're home early."
"Early dismissal...to work on a project," I lied, sagging on the dining room doorway and giving a little wave to my mother and the five grey haired ladies seated at the table drinking coffee and eating girl scout cookies. I'd forgotten all about her church meeting.
"That's nice, dear. Hello, Mark. How is your father?"
"Hi, Mrs. Ryan. He's got the flu, but the doctor said he'll be fine in a few days. I'll tell him you said hello."
"We're going to work upstairs, mom, in my room."
"Take some milk and cookies with you," mom said turning back to her ladies. "How that boy loves to eat."
"Are you going to tell me what happened with Mitch?"
I looked at Mark standing at the foot of my bed, checked to make sure the door was locked and took off my clothes. All my clothes, shoes and socks included, and tossed them into the closet. "Not important. Forget about it. Let's pretend it never happened."
"What about your mother?" Mark said when I unbuttoned his shirt and licked his left nipple. "What if she comes upstairs and finds us like this...oh, that feels good, Steven. Do the other one."
I saved his pants for last, working the snap and zipper with my mouth and using my teeth to drag them to his ankles. "What's got into you, Steven? You seem...oh my god that's nice...changed?"
Mitch Greer's penis and a mouthful of his semen, I thought to myself. I was changed. Mitch had changed me from a faggot into a faggot cocksucker and from the looks of his boner, Mark was enjoying my transformation.
I got on my knees and kissed his belly button. Mark has an inny so I was able to get the tip of my tongue inside and wiggle it around until his chubby belly and my face was wet with spit. My plan was to lick and kiss, torture every part of his body with my mouth and hands before surprising him by taking his penis in my mouth and giving him a blow job that we'd both remember for the rest of our lives. I wished I had a polaroid camera like Mark's, so I could take a few pictures like he did the first time he blew me. It would be cool to have a picture of myself sucking Mark's dick.
After four days of no sex Mark was dying to cum before I was even finished with his balls. They were drawn up so tight and snug under his prick, no way to get them in my mouth, so I washed them with my tongue and nipped at the few hairs growing out of the round sack. Except for a couple of swipes at the base, I avoided touching his hardon until he cried out, "Oh god, Steven, I'm going to explode. Jerk me off, please."
And then I tortured him a little bit more. "No," I said glancing at the mirror on the back of the door. If I couldn't have a picture of his dick in my mouth, at least I could watch myself sucking on it and watch as he climaxed in my mouth. "I'm not going to jerk you off, Mark, I'm going to suck you off."
"Are you sure?" He said sincerely, looking down at me. "You don't have to do it you know."
"I'm sure, Mark. It's something I just have to do. I want to suck it, be a cocksucker. Your cocksucker," I added quickly. He didn't need to know and I hoped he never found out that I was already a cocksucker, Mitch Greer's cocksucker. "I want you, your dick, in my mouth, Mark. All of it. I want to suck your cock and...and I want you to cum in my mouth."
We looked at each other for a very long time. Two teenage boys, best friends, both of us homosexuals, about to share a special intimacy. Downstairs, my mother was entertaining her church ladies, we could hear bits and pieces of their conversation. Upstairs, I was about to entertain my best friend with a long overdue blow job.
"Go for it, cocksucker."
"With pleasure, faggot."
Mark's penis was like mine, a stubby little thing that grew to maybe five inches when it got hard like we both were now. Mitch on the other hand, his had to be at least seven inches, maybe eight, and twice as fat. The head of Mitch's dick was different too, his flared out like a helmet and took up most of the space in my mouth. Mark had a much easier cock to suck.
Suck, swallow and breathe through your nose I reminded myself as I guided Mark's penis into my mouth and let his precum ooze onto my tongue. "You okay?" He asked when I shifted my position to get a better view of myself in the mirror. Steven Ryan, fag, and now a cocksucker too, stared back at me. Too bad about the camera, I really would have liked a picture of myself with Mark's cock in my mouth.
"Mmmmm," and a head shake, to let Mark know I was okay. Don't talk with your mouth full. How many times had my mother told me that? Well, my mouth was pretty full alright, full of cock, and about to get fuller as Mark warned me that he was getting close.
"Your mouth on my dick, Steven. I can't hold off much longer. I'm going to cum any second."
I nodded vigorously and nearly gagged when Mark's dick accidently slid all the way in. For a second, my nose was buried in his pubic hair, his balls were up against my chin. It was the strangest feeling, having something all the way in the back of my mouth, at the top of my throat. Strange and exciting.
"Take it easy, Steven. Don't try to take it all the first time. It's going to be a big load. Maybe I shouldn't cum in your mouth this first time."
I backed off Mark's cock. "No, no, in my mouth, Mark, in my mouth. You've got to cum in my mouth to, to...to make it right."
"Make what right?"
It was all part of the plan I had formulated to erase my experience with Mitch Greer and ease my guilty conscience. All the gay books and magazines; the stories and pictures, the videos, and the boys in Times Square, boys like Angel...I knew what I had to do to make things right in my mind. I had to submit totally to Mark. I had to give myself willingly to him. I had to swallow my pride as well as his cum. I had to make myself his submissive cocksucker.
Getting undressed and tossing my clothes in the closet was part of it. The submissive one is almost always completely naked or wearing something that makes him look and feel ridiculous. Cock rings and collars are pretty standard. Too bad I didn't have one or the other. Being on my knees was part of it too. Mark had sucked my cock in many different positions, but there's just something about a naked boy kneeling in front of you, sitting on his chest is good too, that makes a person feel like he's in control. The last, and maybe the most important part of the plan was Mark's semen. Mitch had cum in my mouth, I could still taste it more than an hour later, so Mark had to cum in my mouth too.
I kissed the tip of Mark's cock, "Don't ask so many questions," and took him back into my mouth and sucked.
"Okay, Steven, if that's what you want. Suck my dick and be prepared for a big load, cocksucker. Just the head though, Steven," he said quietly, brushing the hair out of my eyes. I don't want to hurt you or choke you when I cum...and you don't have to swallow."
Mark's concern was touching. Mitch had very nearly choked me with his semen and if I hadn't kept my hand firmly wrapped around his shaft, there's no telling how much of his lengthy cock he would have forced into my mouth. I trusted Mark not to hurt me and as a sign of that trust, a sign of my complete submission to him, I took my hands off his body and clasped them behind my back. Mark was free to use me, I wanted him to use me, use my fag, cocksucking mouth any way he wanted.
And of course I was going to swallow.
I checked myself in the mirror, pleased at what I saw. Naked, on my knees, a dick in my mouth. The string of precum hanging from the tip of my own hard cock was proof of how turned on I was. Another minute of sucking and Mark would be blasting off. Then I'd be Mark's cocksucker, his sperm would be swimming around inside my mouth and down in my belly when I swallowed his load. Mark's cocksucker and Mitch Greer could hopefully be forgotten.
"Steven. Honey."
Shit, not again. Caught with a dick in my mouth for the second time in one day. "Yes, mom," I called back.
"You think she's going to come up?" Mark said zipping up.
"I ordered a pizza for you, Mark too, if he wants to eat here. It's in the oven. The ladies asked me to have an early dinner with them and see a movie. I'll be home by eight."
God bless those church ladies. I unlocked the door and cracked it open an inch. "That's nice, mom," I called out. "When are you leaving?"
"Right now, honey."
"Have a good time, mom."
When the front door closed I crawled back to Mark and unzipped his pants. The pizza could wait, I had a blow job to finish.
His penis was soft, not surprising after the scare we'd just had, and I put it back in my mouth where it belonged. I was able to get the whole thing in my mouth until it started to get hard again.
"Looks like you have a cock growing out of your mouth," Mark said with a laugh. He was right and the feeling of his dick getting hard in my mouth was incredible.
The first spurt of warm semen hit the roof of my mouth and sort of stuck there. The smell of it quickly filling my nose. Spurts three, four and five pooled thickly on my tongue. For the second time that day my mouth was filled to overflowing with warm cum.
"Don't swallow it all, Steven, hold some in your mouth," Mark said dropping to his knees. He held my face in his two hand and kissed me full on the lips, forcing his tongue into my cum filled mouth. We stayed like that for several minutes, passing the cum back and forth until our faces were shiny and sticky with the stuff.
"Did I do okay, Mark?
"You did great, Steven. Best blow job I ever had."
"You're just saying that to make me feel good. Lorraine did quite a number on you as I remember."
"No, no, I mean it. You did great for your first time. Much better than my sister's nympho friend Lorraine, and she's had a lot of practice. Girls are good for fuck parties, Steven, but no girl can suck dick like a guy. Lot of guys out there will be happy to party in your cocksucker mouth."
Party in my mouth? Party in my cocksucker mouth? It took me a moment, sometimes I can be a little slow. "You're joking, right? Very funny. Nobody's going to party in my mouth, excuse me, party in my cocksucker mouth...except you, faggot."
"Time will tell, cocksucker" he said while removing the rest of his clothes. Then he shoved me to the floor and jumped on top of me. We wrestled for a while, rolling around on the floor until we were both panting for breath, our naked bodies slick with perspiration. Mark outweighed me by a good forty pounds so he easily pinned me down with his head in my crotch and his sweaty balls mashed against my face.
The smell between Mark's legs reminded me of the locker room and the locker room reminded me of Mitch. I kissed Mark's balls, licked them, tasting the salty sweat, and fingered one ball into my mouth. The smell was like sweat socks after playing ball on a hot day, but I did it anyway. I did it to block out the guilt I felt over the blow job I had given Mitch. The blow job was bad enough, but what concerned me more was my unexpected reaction.
That guy from Boys Town, Paul Sweet, what he said that day was like etched in my brain: 'Man, remember suckin' your first dick...and your first taste of cum? And the first time jerkin' off with a guy's meat in your mouth! Shit. And blowin' a load same time your mouth is fillin' up with cum? Something you never forget.'
Mitch Greer was my first taste of dick, my first taste of cum. Nothing could change that. What was driving me nuts, making me feel guilty, was the embarrassing boner, the whopper of a hardon and the pleasure I felt while sucking Mitch Greer's big dick.
I switched from his balls to his cock when Mark said, "Suck me, Steven, let's cum together." I shot first. At least I think I did. Paul Sweet really knew what he was talking about.
The pizza was warming in the oven when we went downstairs after what was supposed to be a quick shower. Mark got hard again under the warm spray and my soapy hands, so I sucked him and then I got hard, so he sucked me. We finally called it quits when the hot water ran out and went down to kitchen stark naked.
We ate it right from the box, not bothering with plates or napkins. Then I ate Mark, a nice slow blow job, which made me wonder why I had waited so long to become a cocksucker.
"I better get home," Mark said, his cock still in my mouth. "My dick has to go too, Steven."
"Party pooper," I said, after taking a final suck. "I wish you could sleep over."
"Me too, but I should see if my father's okay. And anyway, it's a school night."
"How are you two getting along?" I asked as we were getting dressed back in my room.
"Funny you should ask," Mark replied slowly. "We sort of reached an understanding after my doctor's appointment on Friday."
"The shrink who makes you get undressed and look at pictures of naked boys?"
"No," Mark said after we both stopped laughing. "This guy's okay. He called my father in for the last half of the session and told him flat out that homosexuality is not a disease, it's how a person is and there's nothing to cure. I could have kissed the guy, Steven. Well, not really kissed him...you know what I mean."
"Huh huh."
"And I think my father got it. I think it finally sunk in. After years of going to doctors, years of lying and pretending, worrying that he'd find out, my father has finally accepted the fact that I'm not sick. He's accepted the fact that I'm a homosexual and..."
The walls and ceiling seemed to press in on me and the light seemed to be growing dim. The sinking feeling of impending doom that began in the bottom of my gut spread throughout my body. Breathing became difficult. My heart all but stopped as the blood rushed to my head and I began to shiver.
"...he's okay with it. We talked for hours on Friday night, Steven. I told him how I feel and you know what? I don't have to hide my homosexuality from my father anymore. I would have told you on Saturday, but you were away, and then I forgot until you asked how we were getting along. My dad knows I'm a fag, Steven, and he's okay with it. Isn't that great?"
I made it to the bathroom without a second to spare and threw my guts up into the toilet bowl. I felt like flushing myself down the toilet along with the contents of my stomach.
"Steven, what happened? It can't be the pizza. I ate it too and I feel okay."
"Not the pizza," I croaked between barfs, thinking it was all for nothing. Nothing, a complete waste. Completely unnecessary.
"Did you eat something earlier today at school? Something I didn't eat?"
I struggled to lift my head out of the toilet and focus my eyes on my best friend. Yeah, I wanted to say, I ate Mitch Greer's dick and a load of Mitch Greer's cum...and it was all for nothing. I told the guy I was a homosexual, a cocksucker. I told the guy you were straight so your father wouldn't, so you wouldn't...but I couldn't say it so I said nothing. I swallowed the words and spit out a glob of something that could have been cheese from the pizza or a glob of congealed cum. I flushed it away and kept on flushing to hide the sound of my crying.
"He asked about you."
"Who," I said, reaching for a towel to dry my face.
"My father."
I turned to face Mark. "What did he ask?"
"If you were gay...like me."
"What did you tell him," I said, turning back to the sink.
"The truth of course. I told him that you were a fag."
I felt the rage building in every cell of my body. You bastard, I thought. You dirty bastard. I whirled around, ready to strike and felt like an ass when I saw Mark grinning from ear to ear.
"Admit it, Steven. I Had you going there for a minute, didn't I?"
"Maybe a second or two," I said sheepishly. "What did you really tell him?"
"I told him that you liked girls. That you were trying to straighten me out."
"Like this?" I said, opening his zipper and dropping to my knees in penance for having doubted him. "I'm going to straighten you out alright, Mark, straighten out your dick in my mouth."
"Are you sure you're okay?" Mark asked at the bottom of the staircase. "I can stay if you need me."
I opened the front door and urged him to go home and take care of his father. I had straightened him out but good upstairs and the lingering taste of his semen made me realize that I had a lot of things to think about. I really wanted to be alone to sort it all out in my mind. "I'll be fine, Mark, go on home. I'll see you in school tomorrow."
"Okay, sure. In school tomorrow." The door was all but closed when Mark stuck his head back inside and kissed me on the lips. "In school tomorrow, cocksucker."
I trashed the rest of the pizza and grabbed a coke from the fridge. There was a roll of film on the kitchen table. Pictures from our visit with Terrence and George. How ironic, I thought. If we hadn't gone to Norfolk, Mark would have told me about his talk with his father. None of this would have happened. I wouldn't have had to defend him against Mitch, or tell Mitch I was a cocksucker, or suck Mitch's cock. I took a sip of coke and swished it around my mouth.
All true, but then I wouldn't be a cocksucker. I'd be sitting here or maybe jerking off in my room, a fag who had never sucked a cock or experienced the thrill of a guy cumming in his mouth. Mitch was first, but Mark was...did I really blow him five times? I drained my coke and checked the time. Six thirty. Mom was due home around eight, I had plenty of time to take care of the hardon in my pants.
I stripped naked, stretched out on my bed and quickly jerked off a load. I leaned my head in as far as it would go and aimed for my mouth. The spurts fell far short. That'd be a kick, cumming in your own mouth. If Mark was here he'd be licking the sperm off my body. I just lay there playing with it, eating it, amazed at how much I liked the strange taste of cum.
I liked a dick in my mouth, that was for sure. And sucking dick was outrageous. And I liked the way it felt shooting into my mouth, like squirting a water pistol into my mouth when I was a kid. Well, no matter, now that I was a cocksucker I'd be on my knees with Mark a lot.
I was finishing my homework when mom came upstairs a little before eight. I had cleaned up as best I could, blotting up the wet spots on the carpet with my underwear, spraying Lysol all around and opening the windows to air the place out. Best as I could tell the room smelled like it always did.
"Oh, my," mom said wrinkling her nose. "You brought home your gym clothes. I'd better do the laundry. And you could use a shower too, young man. Whatever did you do in school today."
"Nothing special, mom. The usual. I'll take a shower soon as I'm done with my homework." Time to change the subject. "How was the movie?"
"Oh, the movie. Doris Day and Rock Hudson. That man is so good looking. Tony Randall was in it too. Such a good actor. Your father never cared for either of them. He always said there was something odd about them. Finish your homework, dear, I'll get your laundry."
"I'll do it, mom, I said louder than I meant to. "I mean it's time I learned how to do my own laundry...to help you out. Okay?"
"That would be a help, thank you. I'll collect..."
"Not right now though. I want to finish this and go to bed early."
I held my breath until the door closed behind her. My cum stained Fruits were safe from her prying eyes. I'd wash them and one other personal item when she wasn't home.
Thirty minutes later my homework was done and loaded in my backpack for tomorrow. Mom was downstairs so I stripped in my room and went across the hall to the bathroom. No wonder I smelled funny to her. I had dried cum on my body and little cum balls stuck in my pubic hair. I crawled into bed naked after my shower and worked out in my mind what I would say to Mitch when I saw him in school. We had no classes together, except gym, so I could pretty much avoid him until then.
I practiced a few come back lines to use on him if he dared to confront me, stuff like, you wish and in your dreams. Got it covered, I thought, and rolled over with my mind at ease, except for one thing that was nagging at me. One thing I couldn't quite put my finger on.
Five minutes later it came to me and it sent a cold wave of fear into my heart. I bolted out of bed and turned on the light. Take it easy, I said to myself, it's in the backpack. It wasn't. My posing strap, the pictures of me wearing it, the naked pictures of me with cum all over my chest, all of it was gone.