Disclaimer- this story involves the love of two males so if this offends u then don't read. This story is totally fiction and not meant to reflect on anyone. And all the usual stuff applies lol.
Author's Note- Hey you guys this is my first attempt at a gay themed story, so bare with me and send feed back, tell me if I suck or if I'm any good, this will be a short story with about 12 maybe more chapters, so I hope u guys enjoy.
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When Nothing Goes Right
Chapter 8
"Well maybe you should just hear what he has to say." Angie told me the next day at school after I told her what happened at Zander's house.
"What? Why? I'm tired of him always telling me who I can't be friends with especially when, he doesn't even want to be my friend." I said getting frustrated over the whole thing.
"Well it's not that he doesn't want to be your friend." Angie said trying to stick up for her best friend.
"Yeah, I know he has to think about it. Well I'm tired of waiting. Kyle doesn't seem to need the time to decide if he wants to get to know me." I told her.
"You have to understand, Zander is just sort of complicated like that, but..."
"No buts! Zander has been nothing but a pain in the ass to me while Kyle hasn't done anything wrong so far. I think I'll take my chances with Kyle." I said ending the conversation.
Angie gave me a disappointed look but didn't argue with me. Instead we both looked surprised as Zander came up to us.
"Hey, you guys. How's it going?" he said leaning against the lockers with us.
We both were still staring at him in shock. This was new; it was the first time he was actually around me at school talking to me. Angie snapped out of it very quickly though.
"Hey Zander...this is a nice surprised. You done being stupid?" Angie asked him while giving me an I-told-you-so look.
"Actually Skyler, I was wondering if we could talk." He asked me with a nervous smile.
I stayed quiet not showing any emotion on my face. He decided to continue.
"I've been thinking and I really don't see why we can't we just be friends after all so....."
"Save it, I don't care anymore." I lied as I walked away from both of them.
I didn't know what was wrong with me. Here was Zander actually wanting to talk to me, something I've been wanting for along time. But for some reason all this drama of him choosing my friends, us telling each other how we truly feel but still not wanting to be friends, his attitude towards me, everything was just starting to get to me. I mean there is only so much a guy can take. I think the whole Kyle thing sort hit the last nerve with me.
The rest of the day Zander was with Angie, just like they used to be, glued to the hip. That meant I was back to being alone. I just couldn't be around Zander for some reason. It was making me think a lot about my feelings for him. All through the day he would randomly appear more then usual and I had a feeling that me running into him so many times at school wasn't just coincidence. He would attempt to talk to me but I always had the same reaction, I would just walk away.
That night I got a call from Angie, one that I had been expecting.
"I swear it's like the two of you suddenly switched places." Angie said through the phone.
"The only reason why he's being 'friendly' towards me now is because of Kyle." I said, "It has nothing to do with just wanting to be my friend. I don't want his friendship if it's gonna be based on that."
"Well ok I admit, maybe Kyle did give him that push, but that doesn't mean it's the only reason he wants to be your friend. You know how he feels about you, he just has a lot of pride in the way. You can think of it as him using it as an excuse to get closer to you." She said trying to put it in a different perspective
"Well that makes me feel better, he needs an excuse to be my friend....he can't just be my friend he needs excuses?" I said sarcastically.
"Well...." She started.
"It doesn't matter to me anymore." I said.
"Why?" She asked confused.
There was a slight pause as I though about what I'd been thinking about all day.
"I...um...I...don't think I can just be his friend. I've been thinking about this and I realized that friendship is...well it's just not enough. I want...no, I need more."
"But Sky, you have to realize that this is Zander we're talking about here. You are expecting way too much from him too soon." Angie tried to reason with me.
"Well, I'm sorry. That's just how I feel. He pisses me off so much, he makes me feel bad all the time, but for some stupid reason I can't stop these feelings I have for him. I don't even know what love is....but I'm guessing what I feel is close to that. How is that even possible....." my ranting trailing off.
"How is what possible?" Angie asked curiously.
"To love the guy you hate." I said softly.
We both sort of just stayed quiet not know what to say.
"Listen just tell him that suddenly wanting to be my friend isn't gonna make me not want to be friends with Kyle, if that was his plan anyway." I told her.
"God, I'm not your guys' messenger. You two have more in common than you know." Angie joked trying to lighten the mood.
"Angie I gotta go, I'll see ya tomorrow." I said feeling just a little stressed over the whole situation.
"Okay, see ya." She said and I hung up the phone.
There was a knock on my door before it opened as my mom came in with some of my folded laundry. She placed it on my dresser and turned to look at me.
"Hey honey, are you alright?" she asked probably seeing how stressed I was.
"Yeah ma, I'm fine." I said quickly putting on a smile to assure her.
"You're telling me the truth right, not keeping anything in?" she asked, making sure.
Ever since the whole Zander incident at school, my mom would always check up on me, asking me if I was still keeping things to myself, asking me if I wanted to talk about anything. At first it felt nice to have a mother who cared so much but after awhile it just got annoying, and no matter how many times I said I was fine she wouldn't believe me and persisted in trying to get me to talk to her. I just wanted her to leave me alone most of the time.
"Yes ma, everything is cool" I said trying hard to keep the irritation out of my voice.
"How are things at school, are they getting any better?" she asked with concern.
"Yes, I'm making some friends." I told her then thought it would be a good idea to ask about the party. "Hey mom do you think it would be okay if I went to a party this Friday."
"A party?" she said thinking about it, "with who and where?"
"A new friend I made, Kyle. He invited me to go and at first I didn't really wanna go but then I thought about it and realized it could be a good chance for me to open up more and make new friends." I said trying to play the sympathy card into making her say yes thinking that it would be good for me to go."
"Okay sweetie, just be safe. No sex, drugs, or alcohol." She said smiling at me seriously.
"Ma you know me. What's a party without getting totally wasted, having a wild orgy, and getting high." I smiled back at her jokingly.
"Okay just checking." She said kissing my forehead and leaving the room.
I picked up the phone and dialed in a number, waiting for the person to answer as I smiled to myself. After listening to it ring a couple of times I decided to hang up but before I did the line picked up.
"You've reached the sexiest person alive, speak to me." The cocky voice answered.
"Um...hi.....is this Kyle?" I answered nervously, not really being used to calling people on the phone.
"Yeah who is this?" Kyle asked a little impatiently.
"This is....um....Skyler." I said.
"Oh hey sky." He said suddenly changing his whole demeanor.
"Hey...so...um did I catch you at a bad time?" I asked a little timidly.
"No, never a bad time for you. Why are you being so phone shy? We're still on for Friday night right?"
"Um...actually that's what I'm calling about." I said slowly.
"You're not bailing on me are you?" Kyle asked quickly.
"Well no...I'd just feel a lot better if we met up before Friday, and you know just sort of...hung out. Just so we got to know each other better before the party." I suggested, not really sure if this was the best idea.
"Oh...ok cool I'm in. I'll pick you up in 10 minutes. Where you live?"
"What now....wait!" I said panicking a little.
"Come on, I'm not doing anything and I know you're not doing anything and I know you got nothing better to do...." He said matter-of-factly, before I interrupted him.
"Wait, why you always make these assumptions about me, like you know me." I said taking offense to his cocky comments.
"Sweetie, it's because I know your type." He said in confidence.
Did he just call me sweetie, if I didn't know for sure before, I sure knew now that Kyle must be gay, and as I thought about it, it would be nice to have a friend to talk to about all this gay stuff I was going through. You know someone who has been through it before.
I decided to just give in and get over Kyle's cockiness because in the end I knew that he might be able to help me sort out what I was feeling.
"Fine, whatever... I'll be ready in 10 minutes." I said to him.
"Great, I'll be right there."
I gave him directions to my house, and then I got ready to go. I was feeling extremely nervous about what he was going to think of me when he finally got to really hangout with me. Was I still going to seem interesting to him? Am I going to bore him to death? Are there going to be awkward silences? Those questions just kept running through my mind.
I told my mom I was going to hang with a friend. She was only too happy to let me go. She was probably more excited than I was.
There was a honk outside announcing Kyle's arrival, so I left the house and was surprised to see him in a dark blue sports car that looked very expensive and fast. It really was a nice car.
I didn't realize that I was just standing there staring until I heard the horn honking again and the window rolled down for Kyle to stick his head out to talk to me in his now usual arrogance.
"I know the beauty is just too much to take in, but I'm kind of bored just sitting here watching you gawk at me." He smirked.
"Oh....um...sorry." I said walking to the car to get in. "Nice car, dude."
"Oh this old thing, it's nothing, it's too old. I'm getting this year's model soon." He said brushing off the compliment.
"What? How old is this car exactly? I asked in disbelief.
"I bought it new last year." He said like it was nothing as we began driving off.
"You're crazy! I'd do anything to get a car like this." I said in amazement.
"Anything huh?" he said to me suggestively.
"Yeah my car is like 15 years old and is about ready to break down." I said wondering if that was going make him think badly about me since he was so obviously rich.
"Hmm...pity. So I guess we have to get to know each other to make you more 'comfortable' for the party." He said a little sarcastically.
"Um...yeah, but I mean...we don't have to." I said getting pretty unsure about this situation now.
"It's ok, I'm here now anyways. Don't worry about it, I don't mind.....much." he said
"So, I guess we can go to the park and um, talk or hangout." I said still nervous. I didn't really know how to hangout with people. I wasn't used to it at school and definitely never done it outside of school.
"The park!? The things I do for...." He trailed off looking at me and giving me a smile.
I stayed silent, wondering how long it would take Kyle before getting bored with me. I kept going over things in my head of what I could talk about to keep him interested in being my friend, but everything I thought of seemed too lame and boring. What was I getting myself into? I'm not good at this whole making friends thing.
We arrived at the park, Kyle parked his car and we sat down at a near by picnic table where Kyle could keep an eye on his expensive car.
I stared at him not sure of how to start a conversation because suddenly my mind was blank. He just sat there looking a little disgusted by his surroundings, not that the park was a disgusting place. I would come here a lot by myself to think and just spend my time watching other people have fun.
Kyle turned to look at me and gave me a smile. God the way he was smiling at me had me blushing.
"So what school you go to?" I asked attempting to start a conversation.
"I don't!" he said simply while I gave him a confused look. "I dropped out awhile ago, but I don't want to talk about school, I wanna know more about you're love life....or lack of I should say." He said to me like it was a factual thing to everyone.
"Lack!?" I asked, starting to take offense to him again.
"I'm just assuming, don't get your panties in a bunch." He said smirking at me.
I suddenly felt I had to defend myself with all his remarks and comments he made about me so far. I mean after going through all of Zander's judgments true or untrue, I didn't need to go through it again with someone else, especially someone with a personality like Kyle's. It was too demeaning, so I was feeling a little braver to speak my mind to him.
"You don't know me okay, so don't just assume you know my life or who I am. I don't do it to you so don't do it to me." I stated flatly with a little attitude.
He seemed as surprised as I was at the way I talked to him, with out my awkward shyness coming in.
"Hey, it was just a question. Calm down boy, we're here to get to know each other, right?"
I gave him a look before blushing a little, then looking down "Sorry, for snapping."
Kyle smiled at me "No problem, I sometimes rub people the wrong way. So anyways, getting back to the subject"
I blushed more not really knowing what to say.
"Well I'm in love....with someone, I think....and this person feels the same for me but it's....kind of complicated" I told him in embarrassment.
Kyle's facial expression suddenly dropped, like he was a little disappointed.
"So who is this guy?" he asked bluntly.
"What...How...Who says it's a guy?" I asked becoming a deep red and panicking.
"Well for one, your reaction right now says it all, and two, I just know these things, gaydar I guess." He said giving a little smile.
I took a few minutes to calm myself down before I decided that if I wanted to have a friend to talk to about these 'gay' feelings I was having than it was better now with someone who could have went through the same thing.
"So you're um....gay too?" I asked cautiously.
"Me? I'm not really into labels, but if that's what you want to call me then sure. I love cock." He said.
"Wow, you're not scared of saying anything, are you?" I asked, amused with his blunt personality.
"No, not really. I mean why should I? You should try it. So who's this boy?"
"His name is um, well his name is Zander..."
"Oh my god, I don't believe it. Daniels? Zander Daniels?" he said laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world.
"Yeah, I know you guys have some bad history together." I said to him.
"Now that's an understatement." He said with a chuckle.
"Well, um what happened if you don't mind me asking?" I asked curiously.
"You mean the little brat didn't tell you." He said amused.
"We don't talk that much." I said sadly.
"Oh and why is that?" he asked me.
"Long story." I said looking down now.
Kyle seemed to get really cheerful all of the sudden.
"Well we got time, that's what we're here for right." He asked with a smile. He really did have a nice smile.
"Yeah I guess so?" I said blushing, did I mention that he was really attractive.
I told him the whole story, from the beginning when Zander kissed me in that crowded hallway all the way to when he warned me to stay away from Kyle. He listened with patience and it felt good to talk to someone like me about this stuff. It wasn't the same as talking to Angie or Mrs. Daniels because they never really went through all this stuff of being confused about your sexual orientation.
I talked to him about all my confused feelings about being gay. It was so strange how comfortable I was talking to someone I barely knew. I talked so much that I felt my voice getting tired cause of all the use. He talked to me too about a lot of the stuff he went through after he came out and it felt like I wasn't alone.
After awhile it got dark and he dropped me off at my house with a promise from me to go to that party. For once I didn't feel as depressed about things as I went into my room. I was actually smiling.
Zander just couldn't understand what was going on with Skyler. He was finally willing to be his friend but Skyler didn't even want to be around him. Zander was finally giving in to his feelings, sort of. He figured that he could at least give himself the satisfaction of being around the guy. He was growing more and more attracted to Skyler, but was still soo scared. He didn't want to get into another relationship that was destined to fail, especially when Skyler was confused himself. He didn't know whether if he was straight or gay. That sort of bothered Zander, because he wanted to be with someone who knew what they were. He already had his coming out experiences and he didn't need to go through another one.
At least that's what he told himself because the truth was, no matter which way he looked at it, he had feelings for Skyler and they were proving with time to be stronger than lust. Zander was falling for him hard. That's why he couldn't let Kyle do to Skyler, what Kyle did to him.
It was all his fault. If only he hadn't been so stupid before, he would be friends with Sky right now, but he had been so stubborn and now Skyler is being put in a position to get hurt. This all could have been avoided. If he was Sky's friend then Sky would have really listened to his warning about Kyle. Now what was he going to do?
It was Friday at school and Zander had spent the whole week trying to figure out a way to approach Skyler again about the Kyle situation. Zander was a little apprehensive of coming up to Skyler as he watched him going though his locker.
"Hey Sky," Zander said being unusually nervous.
Skyler didn't even look in his direction, he just continued going through his locker getting books while ignoring Zander's presence.
"Um soo...can we talk?" Zander asked.
Skyler still was ignoring him, which was really frustrating him but he decided not to let it affect him as he suppressed the usual attitude he would have given to anybody else who was acting this way to him.
"Skyler would you please stop acting this way. It took a lot for to bite down my pride and..." he started. Skyler immediately stopped what he was doing.
"You know what? I'm tired ok. I tried so hard to be your friend, which is totally out of character for me. Do you even realize how much you hurt me day after day with your constant rudeness. You made me suffer." Skyler said to him bitterly.
"I know what I did was wrong, but I was scared okay." Zander told him looking away from his face.
Skyler just looked at him while giving him a sarcastic look. Zander looked back at him and took a deep breath.
"Okay, you asked me for a chance and I messed it up, I admit it. But now I'm asking you for a chance at friendship." Zander said hopefully almost begging.
"Well.... I guess it's my turn to mess up." Skyler said and without another word or even a glance he shut his locker and walked off.
Zander was a little hurt with how this conversation played out, but in a way he understood how Skyler was feeling. After standing there in the same spot for a few minutes where Skyler left him, he walked over to Angie's locker to wait for her.
"Hey Sweetie." Angie said opening her locker.
"Hey." Zander's voice cracked a little. So he cleared his throat while Angie gave him a weird look.
"Are you feeling okay? What's wrong now?" She asked.
"Nothing." He said and then he felt it, the warm wetness running down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away only for it to be replaced by another one.
"That doesn't look like nothing to me." She said with concern.
"Well it is." He said stubbornly as he felt more and more tears running down his face.
He couldn't believe how his body was reacting. He couldn't control himself as he just started to cry.
"Talk to me Zander. Tell me what happened." She said giving him a hug and then taking him over to a little bench to sit down.
"I...I...don't know what's wrong with me. I'm such a baby." He said through tears.
"Just tell me what happened." She said again putting her arm around him as he leaned on her shoulder.
"Skyler happened. I don't know what to do. I messed up with him and I don't know how to fix it. I mean, I gave him what he asked for, I offered my friendship to him but now he doesn't want it anymore. Kyle's going to hurt him and I don't know how to stop that from happening" He cried out.
"Zander, you're my best friend. So it's my job to give you the right advice." Angie said. Zander lifted his head and turned to face her.
"I really could use your help with this." Zander laughed a little wiping his eyes.
"Look you might not like what I have to say but you need to think really hard about this, okay?" Angie stated while Zander nodded at her.
"You have feelings for him right?" Angie asked him.
Zander look at her awhile before slowly nodding again. "Yeah, but..."
"No buts, you like him. You need to act on your feeling, stop fighting them. Stop trying to protect yourself...." She said before she was interrupted.
"I can't...." Zander started
"It's not that you can't, it's that you won't." Angie said getting frustrated. "He's not gonna hurt you, you're only hurting yourself by not giving yourself that satisfaction. You're missing out on a really good guy."
"But I'm sca...." He tried again.
"You're scared, I get that, but what about him Zander. Skyler has never even been in a relationship before, ever. He's more scared than you are, trust me on that. The only difference is that he's not gonna let that ruin his life anymore. He doesn't want to hide behind his scared feelings. He's in love with you Zander and he's willing to take that chance after years of hiding behind fear. He doesn't want your friendship, he wants you. You have to give him that chance. I know you love him too, that's why you're fighting so hard. You're scared of love, it only makes sense. That's the reason why I'm pushing you so much though, is because you need to stop being scared." Angie finished.
Zander just looked at her in shock. What she said, everything that came out of her mouth was completely true. He was amazed at how she always knew exactly what he was feeling and knew exactly what to say.
"How do you do that?" Zander smiled at her.
"Zander, it's me we're talking about here." She said smile back at him sarcastically.
Zander continued to smile at her and then looked down to ground as he bit his bottom lip.
"You're right, I have to stop being scared. I guess that's why I'm being such a baby. I really want him too. I just couldn't admit it to myself out loud. Angie, I want him. I wanna be with him, but......." Angie's smile faded.
"Oh Zander enough with the buts...." She said.
"No wait, I'm not making an excuse. I don't think Skyler wants me anymore. He's tired of my shit already and I don't blame him." Zander said sadly.
"Skyler's in love with you, you just need to prove to him that you want the same the same thing."
"Well what does he want? I thought friendship was all he wanted from me."
"He wants you Zander, just as bad as you want him.
"How do I get him to listen to me when he's all stuck on Kyle?" Zander said bitterly.
"Kyle means nothing but friendship to him. That's all he's looking for there." Angie said knowingly.
"Well if I know Kyle, friendship isn't at all what he's looking for. He usually gets what he wants too." Zander said turning red from either embarrassment or anger.
"Zander what exactly did Kyle do to you." She asked curiously.
Zander told her the whole story about Kyle. When he finished, Angie was stunned.
"You never told me this before." She said a little hurt.
"Well it happened around that time when you and I weren't speaking to each other, and even when we made up, the whole Kyle thing isn't something I like to relive." He said.
"Oh God, Zander, the party is tonight!" She exclaimed.
"I know." He said looking stressed.
"We can't just let him go all alone with that creep." She said worried.
"I know...I guess...." Zander said thinking, "I guess I have a party to crash. I won't let Kyle hurt him." Zander said seriously.
"What are you going to do?" Angie said.
"I'm not sure yet," he said worried.
Hey you guys, dean here. I hope u enjoyed this chapter, I know I know I suck with updates, I can't help it I'm just always busy, but I promise that this story will not be left unfinished. I have some good news, I just created my own group for this story and future stories that I may right. So join my group to read my chapters, and discuss my story with me and other members. It will be a great place for me to receive feedback and also for you guys to keep in touch with me and stay updated about the progress of my story so I hope I get a lot of my fans to join. Here is my link
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/deansplace/
thanks for keeping up with me even though I'm slow I really appreciate it. Oh and just a heads up, the next chapter is going to be a good one, my favorite one I've written so far.