When Morning Comes

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• Readerguy

When Morning Comes

Chapter 4 - Jumping

"Man," Tito Jon was saying after lunch, as we piled into his rented moving truck. "I feel for you, buddy. That's quite the situation to find yourself in."

I shivered. "Yeah, you're telling me. It caused irreparable damage to our relationship."

The cold tore into me, making it hard to find my zipper to close my coat. Having graciously paid for my impending labour, we began to make the tedious trip from Alta Vista to Bayshore. To his new apartment on the ninth floor of some building. Fuck me, it was gonna be a long day of moving.

"Fuck," I muttered to nobody in particular soon after he'd merged into the thick, bleeding vein of the highway. "Like...he's a good kid. Innocent. I didn't want to ruin what we had." Jonathan made a non-committal noise, and it was a loaded couple of minutes before he said anything more.

"But...that wasn't the case later?" There was...concern in his eyes; in his normally unreadable face.

"No. It wasn't." I pressed my hand against the window, and watched my handprint vanish into the glass. Beyond it, the cars piddled by, like ducks in a horrible, slushy stream.

It was weird being around Josh, knowing he'd been the one to spy on me and Rory that night. Work was as normal as could be; we showed up for our respective jobs in that building. Did our little tasks. I still talked to Josh at the end of his shifts, but he avoided my eyes like he was embarrassed to look at me.

It felt, simply put, bad to tread on eggshells with Josh. The thought killed me; now there was this huge unspeakable stain between us. But what was I to have done? Called him out for watching me fuck, in the workplace? Where I was unquestionably not meant to be fucking at? Yeah. A lose-lose situation.

At some point, though, something in the air must have cleared, because Josh bounded up to me one day; his long legs carried him like he walked over clouds, without once stumbling.

"Nate!" he called with a wave when he spotted me sitting on the hood of my car. Like we hadn't been awkwardly toeing around each other for the last two-ish weeks. On his face, he wore a broad yet curious smile. Like he had a secret to save.

"Hey, buddy," I said, tipping my drink towards him. "You look like you have good news for me." He came to a stop in front of me, and his small smile just grew wider.

It was a tragically rare sight to see Josh Beckett smiling and happy. I'm a simple guy; I wanted my friends to be happy. I wanted...I wanted Josh specifically to be happy. More than that. But I had to pull myself in from that train of thought.

His brown eyes sparkled with warmth when he said the words, "I have a date." I was so excited for him that any weird avoidance I had during the past two weeks melted away in an instant. Sliding off my car, I went in for the hug, smacking him square between the shoulder blades.

"Josh! My man! That is good news!" I tightened my hold on him--and when I went to pull away, I was stopped by his arms around me too. Just for a second. Just one second. But I pulled myself away, to look up at him. His beaming face. "So! Tell me about her!"

He cast his eyes down to the ground, and scratched at his jaw. "Actually...it's a guy."

When I tell you that I had the weirdest feeling come over me at that moment.... It was a heavy mix of something like pride, happiness, and a sick, bilious twinge of envy or something like it that came into my gut. It filled my lungs. I had been the one to suggest it to him, and yet a tiny part of me wanted to shake him and say it'd been a joke. Man. Why did I hate when he did the things I told him to do?

"My b, dude," I said instead, shaking myself free from the confusing twist of feelings. "Tell me about him then! Where'd you meet?"

His smile was quiet, bashful; like he had a bubble of energy inside him but he was afraid to let it issue forth. "On...on Growlr, actually." My heart wanted to stop.

"The app for fat guys?" The one I used. How hadn't I seen him?

"Yeah...." Our eyes met, and it was so frighteningly electric, he had to look away. "Well, I mean, uh...I think...I mean, I'm not the most fit guy in the world, and...you and a lot of other guys have said Grindr is full of mean people, so...." He shrugged helplessly, his eyes fixed on the asphalt below us. "Anyway, I think the guys on there are...hot."

Josh had come over to me with his phone already loaded up with this guy's profile, because like we were in a damn fucking movie, he lifted up his screen to show me right away. I let out a puff of air. Guy had a shirtless pic, and I was surprised; he was a real big guy. So hot, totally sexy; I just didn't think Josh was the type.

"Okay, dude!" I said through a grin. "He's hot! And surprisingly, not someone I've hooked up with." Josh's face went stiff at that. "It was a joke! Man, you'll kill it. Where are you going?"

"Sushi, then bowling at West Park." His little smile and his eyes were faraway; dream-like. "He said he's gonna pick me up tonight at seven...I hope I can find something to wear...!" He continued on. It was clear as day that he was so much more optimistic and excited about his first date with a man than he had ever been before a date with a woman.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that it could easily go just as badly if he choked with this guy too, like he had with everyone else. All I could do was to grip him by the shoulders and tell him he'd succeed.

"And listen," I was finishing off saying; "if it goes bad, you just let me know, dude. I'll kick his ass for you."

He rolled his eyes. "Nate. You don't need to do all of th--"

"I am fully fucking serious, Josh," I cut him off. "You don't know just how much I want you to be happy." His smile faltered, a quiver at the corner. "You...deserve it, man--" It was his turn to cut me off then, because he threw his arms around me in a hug. I was pressed between his surprisingly solid arms and his soft, pillowy chest and...I was warm. I felt...so warm.

"Love you, Nate," he murmured.

"Love you too, Josh." I patted his broad back, letting my hand lie there for just...a moment longer. "Okay, bud. You go home. Get ready. And have fun." He beamed at me then, the sun hidden behind his smile.

Josh Beckett Josh Beckett (8:01): ugh. everything is bad (8:17): this was such a bad idea man (8:18): come over later? i feel like shit

Nathan Liemco (8:20): jesus what? :( ok buddy

I turned the message over and over again in my head as I buzzed myself into his building and rode the elevator up. All of it felt like a blur in between me getting Josh's message, me arriving in his apartment, and us sitting in his living room. There he sat, on his couch with a case of beer in front of him. Already opened. In spite of it all, he'd actually come back with a small tray of sushi for me.

"What's this?" I asked him, picking at it.

He shrugged. "I got some to go. `Cause it had gone so bad and I was gonna invite you over and I didn't want you to be hungry coming here..." He trailed off, his eyes distant.

"Josh, that's really nice, but you didn't need to. Why don't you tell me what happened?

He had on his one lamp that was on a weird RGB colour cycle; it filled the room with slowly-shifting rainbows. He cracked open a beer for me as he trudged through the rundown of his awful date with the guy who: 1) expected him to pay for it all; 2) wanted to move in with him on the get-go.

"...it was at least kinda funny," he was saying; "how mad he looked when I told the server we were paying separate bills." A sad smile touched his face. "He blocked me right after. Ah well."

Jesus. I felt bad for him, listening to his experience while watching him just pound back the booze. Three beers and one meandering, ranting story in, he dropped the bomb on me that he had fully expected to have sex today. "I mean, yeah, he wanted to have sex too, I think," he mused. "But he was so weird!"

"I don't blame you, dude. That's fucking wack."

He looked at me, a strange emotion crossing his face. "Nate...I'm still horny. I don't know what to do."

I laughed nervously, sipping at my second beer. "Well, why'd you invite me? Shouldn't I give you privacy?"

He kept his eyes on my face; his sleepy brown eyes were uncharacteristically unguarded. "I..." he sighed, putting his head down in his hands. After a long moment, he peeked up at me, his eyes lidded with shame. "I wanted to lose my virginity tonight. I...still want to." How I just fucking gulped.

"Ah...okay." Careful, Nate. Shit was a minefield.

"Can I ask you something, Nate?" he mumbled, looking away from me. He swirled the can of beer in his hand. "Have you ever thought about me in a...." He stared hard, hard, away from me. Green, then blue, then indigo slowly lit up his silhouette, colouring him the shades of a dream. "In--in a...in a sexual way?"

I smiled at him, putting a hand on his knee. Solid, warm. He jumped. "Well, yeah, Josh." I heard him gulp. "I wouldn't have been able to help it. I see a hot guy and it's just instant from there." He flicked his eyes up to me, then away, almost in the same second.

"You think I'm hot?" His voice was just a whisper. His eyes were watery with anticipation.

"Yes. I do." My breath caught in my throat. I felt like I was at the precipice of something so horrifically new with Josh, and I gazed down into the abyss below. Deep in my chest was the distinct feeling that I could fly if I jumped. We were peering at the edge, and something unknown awaited me below.

Josh inhaled once, then twice; both times, like he struggled to breathe. And finally: "I think you are too." He kept his eyes on the too-wide breadth of his couch between us; his voice shuddered as he spoke. "When...I saw you...that one time...I really...I liked what I saw, Nate. To be honest...I've thought about it every night ever since I saw it."

Fuck. And there it was. We jumped, and he was leading me.

"Do...you want to see me up close?" I asked, trying to crane my neck to look at him. He groaned, buried his face in his hands again.... And after a long, ponderous moment, I saw him nod. Well, fuck me. My lips twitched, fighting back a laugh. "Hey, don't be so cagey, dude," I said to him, putting a hand over his.

"Sorry. I'm nervous." He looked up and just stared at me, his eyes so expectant. Hesitant. To be honest, I was nervous too. I just didn't want to let him see it. Because here was now, the target of my affection in the flesh, telling me he liked watching me fuck. For the first time in way too long, I was feeling that fluttering in my chest and I was embracing it.

Josh's apartment had always been just another messy-ass living space we sometimes drank in. But now, in the soft colour-changing glow of his novelty lamp, it became something else. An extension of him, all his idiosyncrasies.

Beyond us, the muffled sound of human existence in his building. Between us, the slow and measured breathing of two men who were about to leave whatever they had been before behind.

Josh finally put his other hand over mine. The night-coloured brown of his skin was painted in shifting rainbow colours, like he came out of my wildest fantasies. And to my surprise, there were real dots of tears in his eyes. Instinctively, I went to wipe them clear.

"I'm sorry," he pressed out, his lips twisted with overwhelming emotion. "This really is my first time, and...and we're friends, Nate, and I don't wanna stop being friends, and I don't want to just become sex friends and--I just--I don't want to change anything about us."

Josh was laying himself out bare in front of me, his word vomit rushing out of him as he plunged into the void before us. Fiercely, I gripped his hands and brought my face into his. He gasped, and I heard him choke back a real sob. A throb in my heart tugged at all the parts of me at his candidness.

"Josh," I told him, holding his hands close; "you are so important to me. We're not gonna change if you don't want to. I'm always gonna be your friend." He nodded, biting his lower lip. "Okay? Just because we're doing this don't change shit. Okay? You're good."

"Okay," he agreed, forcing a smile. "I'm good." He placed his hands on my belly. Expectantly.

I didn't answer with words, but rather, I stood up, letting his hand come off mine. His eyes trailed me, wide with unmasked anticipation. And I just started undressing. Josh gulped; couldn't stop staring when I got to my waistband. My jockstrap pushed out obscenely, and his eyes remained wide as saucers.

His hungry stare was already causing me to grow to my full length of seven, thick, dark brown inches. A spot was already forming at the front, changing colours with the light.

"Wow..." he breathed out, rubbing the back of his neck. "Oh man."

"Tell me if this is okay," I intoned; my cock twitched as I spoke. Josh's stare moved to my face, and I saw the depth of raw hunger in his eyes. I didn't want to scare him away. I knew he was a virgin; I had to let him make all the decisions tonight.

"Y--yeah, this is okay." I saw his hands clench and unclench. How his hands twitched as he watched. "Nate, is it okay if...I touch you?" I nodded, and watched his hands come up to me. They shook. I let out a sound of appreciation at his touch when finally, finally, Josh Beckett touched my cock for the first time.

He palmed my package with his warm, broad hands. He hefted and rolled my fat balls between his fingers, marvelling at them. I sighed and tilted my head back, just letting him explore. He could have as much of me as he wanted in his hands. And when he reached past the fabric to touch my skin, it felt electric.

His huge hand was actually able to close around my shaft, and the warmth that spread from his touch made me dizzy. I moaned, letting him know how good he made me feel. He let out a shudder.

"Nate," he muttered, barely a whisper. "Can I see it?"

I put a hand on his wrist. "You can do whatever you want with me, Josh, buddy. I mean it." I reached inside my jockstrap, and together, we hefted my cock; my hand, his opposite. He stroked me slowly with his hand; I revelled in the feeling before pulling away and letting him do his thing. Josh's eyes drifted from my cock to my face; his eyes were hazy, clouded over with the experience. I bit my lip. I wanted to kiss him, but I didn't want to scare him.

But Josh made that call for me. He stood, and his couch squeaked with relief. He eclipsed me in height, and so when he closed in to kiss me, he had to lean down. He let out a small sound of pleasure when our lips touched for the first time. He tasted like toothpaste and lemonade--fresh, surprising, bright. Like the earliest days of summertime. My personal summer in October.

At first he pecked my lips carefully, but then he went deeper. I could taste some of him, but I wanted it all. I threw my arms around his back, pulling him closer. He stroked me with more urgency, slathering my precum all over my cock. "Wow..." he breathed when he pulled off me; "you're really wet."

As we kissed deeper, my hands travelled down his sides. I felt the soft shapes of his body, warm and waiting. Josh let out a breath as I stopped at his ass, cupping his likewise-soft mounds in both my hands, and kneaded. He gasped, then moaned into my lips.

"That feels good, Nate," he whispered, breath hot against my mouth. His face was screwing up with the burgeoning pleasure that filled his lower body, and he pressed against me. I could feel his cock against mine in his shorts; it felt long and became longer as it stiffened. Thin but long; the antithesis to mine.

I pulled his attractive eight-inch cock out of his shorts to greet mine. His slim, near-black shaft was crowned with a heavy purple head about the size of a small plum. Dreamily I wondered how it would feel inside me. I never even bottomed, but he was tempting, man, was he ever tempting. Like melting ice, he leaned progressively deeper into our kiss, and he was becoming hot under my hands.

I held Josh to me, my chest pressed to his. God, he was overwhelming me too. Affection and arousal collided together; my cock continued to pour out juice onto his while I held him, trying to keep him together. All the while, he was harder than ever. Against me, I could feel he had a cute little belly. He pulled off me, his stare heavy with desire...and yet confusingly, conflict.

Eventually, his hands drifted to my ass; He hefted my cheeks curiously, as if weighing them. As we groped each other in his warm, glowing living room, his eagerness and virgin inexperience were knocking heads with one another. He knew his way around a man's body only clumsily, and hardly knew what to do with my cock besides stroke it at an irregular, sputtering pace.

I peeled away from his lips and started kissing down his neck, his chest, his belly. Sweat, cologne, musk. He smelled so good. He was becoming less amateurish in his exploration of me, stroking my throbbing cock with urgency, but patience. Likewise, he pulsed under my thick fingers wrapping fully around his shaft. His knees twinged underneath him, threatening to give way as I worked him.

"What should we do next?" he asked, his innocence shining through the haze of arousal. "I really wouldn't know the first place to start."

"It's okay, Josh." I pulled my hands away from his ass, moving back up his sides; up his body he didn't want me to see. I smiled so he could tell it really was alright. "Hey--I'll show you something fun and easy. Lie down on the couch." My mind was boiling with desire, charged by our foreplay. He reclined, lying back, his eyes wide with anticipation.

Hoisting one of my huge legs around his waist, I sat kneeling over him. I let out a low laugh, looking at him sprawled out beneath me. "You ever heard of frotting?" Josh shook his head. "Do you want to try?" His cock twitched under me, leaking a fat dollop of precum onto his bush of wiry pubes.

"I think so," he said cautiously. "Is anything...going into...anything?"

"No, we're just gonna rub our cocks together till it feels really fucking good." He bit his lower lip, and after a torturous moment, he nodded his assent. I hefted his cock against mine. His eyes were boggling; his mouth hung open as he moaned at his first true sex experience.

I stared down at our penises, admiring the obvious differences. Me, shorter, but almost twice as thick around. Him, longer, and his comparatively massive cockhead. Diametric opposites.

I started jacking us both off, using both hands to stroke us. The feeling was amazing, to finally have Josh's body like this, even if he only let me see some of it. He groaned, and leaned back, his legs twitching under me. Just the small peek of his little belly I could see under his grey shirt was so erotic. With one hand, he covered his eyes, his mouth hanging open as he panted. With the other, he pinned his shirt down to his waist, so it wouldn't move. Fine, I got it; didn't want to scare him off.

Changing levels of pressure and speed, I stroked mine and Josh's cocks against each other. Even during the moments our cocks separated, Josh would press them back together. I made him moan, and it was the finest music to me. The sound of wet slapping filled the air, filled my ears and made my heart race. I was still grappling with the fact that it was Josh that I was having sex with; whose virginity I was taking for my own.

I saw him bite one of his fingers, his thick dark brown digit slick with precum. Our fluids. A moan of unprecedented arousal bubbled out of me as I saw it catch blue light and glimmer in his living room. I had to stop and watch in unmasked lust while I watched him lick the precum off of himself.

"Nathan, don't stop," he protested, his finger still in his mouth. So I kept stroking us both, watching him taste our juices. I was hypnotised by his swirling tongue.

"You like this?" My voice sounded faraway, drifting in on a slow breeze.

He nodded, and moaned as I teased him by rubbing over his fat, purple cock head. From under his hand he shot me a devilish stare from under his hand. A wide smile bubbled up out of me at the sight of him; I mashed our cocks together, stroking, stroking, stroking.

The slapping sound filled the room; wet, thick, and persistent. My dick was constantly weeping precum at this point, dripping all over Josh's. His pubes became shiny with our fluids. He let himself moan, and it was a keening sound that struggled to come out. God. He was so fucking hot. And he was all mine.

"Josh, you are doing amazing," I told him. "You're so sexy."

"Th--thank you," he choked out. He licked up more of our mingling juices off his fingers; he even went back for more. I aimed my cockhead for the seam between his balls, and spread my precum all over his sack. I fucked gently in between his balls, giving him little thrusts. He gasped in surprise, and it stretched out into a luxuriant moan.

"Do you like this, buddy?" He nodded. One of his hands went down to his chest to knead one of his pecs. "Yeah. I'm glad. I want to make you feel good." He nodded again, harder this time. I stroked his delicious cock, picking up speed. I could see his chest heaving, and I wanted to touch him.... Instead I watched him writhe and squirm under me.

His hips bucked under me, causing me to fuck more firmly into his balls. The closed circuit of his pleasure. His nuts were slick with my essence, and the sight caused me to shudder in lust. Fuck. I was getting so close watching him get close. I twisted my wrist as I stroked him, up and down and up and down. His cock throbbed with his heartbeat, coming faster and faster.

"Oh god, Nate--" he squeaked out; "I'm gonna cum, Nate." He tore his hands from his face and clenched them tight as his orgasm approached.

"Hold onto me, Josh," I told him, breathless. He put his hands on my hips, and I slid my cock back against his. With my two hands, I formed a tunnel around our dicks.

I could fuck like an animal. But I held back for Josh's sake. "Feels good, yeah?" He groaned out, his voice grating. "You feel how I thrust like that? That's how it'll be when I break you in, Josh." His breath caught in his throat. "That's how I'll fuck you for the first time. Slow. So you feel good." I thrust against his cock, into my hand. He gripped my hips, and fondled the underside of my belly.

I heard him whisper my name. His beautiful cock pulsed under me, dripping, dripping. It happened all in one moment: he gripped my thighs, his legs straightened out and bucked us both up, and a strained groan escaped him. He said my name, louder: "Nate!" And I made Josh cum.

Arrested by the visual of it, I watched Josh's cock twitch and pulse, and a long, heavy rope of cum burst out of him. One, two, and eventually four lashes of his thick, musky cum shot out of him, landing on his shirt. "Nate, Nate..." he was murmuring. The sight of Josh's face and entire body twisted in pleasure made my heart jump once, and I started approaching the breaking point.

"Oh, fuck Josh, I'm gonna cum now too," I warned him, and just like that, I shot ropes all over his shirt. My body shook thunderously as my orgasm ripped through me. By the time I finished cumming, his shirt and his pubes were practically sheeted in white.

For a while afterwards, it was just us panting in the room. The video had long since paused, waiting for someone to interact with it. The lamp was on its umpteenth cycle of the rainbow. Josh's chest rose and fell, and rose and fell. His hands twitched against my belly.

"Oh my fucking god, Josh," I was practically crying out. "That felt fucking incredible." I looked down at him. His face was twisted in an unreadable expression; his mouth hung open, panting. His brows seemed to be stitched together, unsure of what they were supposed to be doing. "Josh?" My hands hung somewhat off both our bodies, covered in both of our cum. "You okay, buddy?"

"I...think I'm okay," he murmured, his facial expression hard to parse. "Can I get up, please?"

I stepped up and off him, to the side. Josh hefted himself off the couch with a groan, leaving a wet handprint against the fabric. "Josh--" I started, but he just sort of looked back over his shoulder, and continued into his bedroom. Where the lights were off. And they didn't come on. A ponderous feeling sank and settled in the bottom of my stomach amongst beer and sushi. What the hell...

I stood there for a long, excruciating few moments until I realised he wasn't coming out. "Josh," I called into the abyss of his room, voice quiet. "Josh, what's up? Did I do something wrong?"

"No," he called back; his voice was muffled like his face was in a pillow. "I just...am tired. Sorry, man."

My head, my heart, and my body were rapidly cooling down. All of a sudden I felt exposed. I was a weird, sticky intruder in this apartment that wasn't mine. Questions bubbled up and dried to nothing in my throat. I knew that I should've spoken to him more, figure out what was wrong. Instead all I did was go to his kitchen, wash my hands, and dry them off against my shirt that felt loose and dirty on my skin.

As I pulled my pants back on, I tried to listen for any movement from Josh's bedroom. Nothing. Not a single titter. Maybe I thought I heard the sound of his deep, tattered breathing, but maybe I was just trying to convince myself. I gulped down, and it felt sharp; tasted awful. At the tail end of the sensation was the taste of Josh's kiss. Toothpaste. Lemonade.

"I'll just go then," I called. Nothing.

Not a damn thing.

There was not a response that justified me staying around in his apartment like an intruder. Before I could have time to process and untangle whatever the fuck was going on, I pounded out of his apartment. The door shut behind me as I stumped into the hallway. Nobody came out after me. Josh remained inside. My footfalls were heavy, chasing after me as I stalked away.

I'd felt amazing, then I'd felt sick, with so few seconds in between, it made my head spin. And a nagging voice trapped inside a deep, ugly part of me was chanting raucously that I had just been used.

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