Hello! Becka here the author of this story, I just wanted to say thanks to all my supporters because this chapter has taken much longer than I wanted because I lost the original draft and got stuck on this chapter. Again I'm soo very sorry and I would like to especially thank Sukhan Preet Kaur who's constant supportive emails have kept me quite motivated! I am hoping that I can continue at a faster pace than this chapter came out. Thank you all for your supportive emails and reading my story~
I was woken up by a violent shake; My roommate was trying to wake me up. He was halfway dressed and looked confused.
"Jounes! If you don't get up and hurry you're going to be late!" He lifted the blanket off of me. What happened? Was last night a dream...? I sat up still half asleep. I wasn't sure what happened last night and what was a dream.
I stood up and looked around for my school clothes, I was having a horrible morning already and I had only been up for 30 seconds. My 13 year old life had never been so...so...broken. I was confused of myself, of Kensington, and whether last night really happen. I finally found my pants lying near the bathroom door, and my shirt draped across my wooden chair. I slipped my pants on and buttoned my shirt up, only to leave two buttons undone. I put my hands in my pocket to find my tie, so last night did happen.
"I'm leaving Jounes, if I don't see you at breakfast I'll see you at lunch." He waved and slammed the door. I wasn't concerned about seeing him ever again. I was concerned about what I should do about Kensington. Why was this so hard? My friends always joked about getting asked out by a boy because we went to an all-boys school and I thought I knew it would be easy to say `Clear off, Nancy boy!' but this wasn't a joke. This was for real and I don't know why I felt like hiding in my closet till Greene or my roommate had to come force me out.
After I grabbed my school books and made sure I was ready I opened my door. I closed my eyes because I was still tired, I used my hand to adjust my hair to a presentable style. I turned to walk down the hall and opened my eyes to see Kensington leaning against the wall right next to my door.
"You didn't take as long as your roommate said you would." He just looked at me with no expression. His eyes met mine and then traveled down to my lips. The image of his lips on mine forced itself into my head, I felt a weird feeling hit my stomach.
"Well...I was in a hurry." I said shifting my eyes to the floor; I didn't like this in the slightest. He was making me feel weird and sick, I had to get away from him but he just looked at me and didn't say anything.
"You're grossed out by me being gay, I knew it..." He had this look that made me feel bad. His eyes were red and puffy. Wait, had he been crying? Did I cause him to cry because of the way I reacted?
"What do you want from me!? I've never had another boy approach me like that!" I yelled, I was getting angry for no reason. I just wanted to go back to my room and die.
He just smiled and used his hands to brush hair out of my eyes; he then licked his lips causing me to react with a gulp. "I want a lot of things from you...That's what happens when you fall in love." There he goes again saying love! We're barely teenagers how can he just throw that word around at me and expect me to be conformable. Of course I just stood there as his fingers brushed down my cheek.
My body was tingling and my legs wouldn't move. I was trying so hard to leave but my body was just not working. What a fantastic time to shut down on me, body! Why was he doing this to me, why couldn't I feel normal for once? Why was my body doing this! I hate my body, I hate my emotions...I HATE MYSELF!
Kensington stopped and looked at me with a recurring look in his eyes. My body wouldn't move but my emotions had no problem going at a hundred miles an hour. I began to sob slightly, hoping that would get him to leave. He bit his lip and used his thumb to wipe the tears away.
I shifted my eyes; I didn't want this feeling anymore. I wanted to go back to the way things were before last night. I clenched my fist and gathered the courage to slap his hand away. He didn't look shocked he just looked at me. He had no expression on his face but his eyes showed something different like I had just shattered him.
"Stop messing around...You don't know anything about me, How can you love me." I still didn't want to look at him because my body might ignore my brain so I had to keep my eyes focused on our feet.
"Kent..." His voice trembled like he was trying to compose himself before responding. He used his hand to lift my chin so I had to make eye contact with him; he looked at me with eyes that made me tremble. He opened his mouth ready to respond but before he could say anything we both heard a voice off in the distance.
"Jounes! You ready for breakfast?" The voice belonged to Greene; Kensington dropped his hand from my face. My eyes widened as I realized the tears still forming in my eyes and down my cheeks so I attempted to hide my face.
Before I could wipe my eyes I felt Greene's hand on my shoulder "Your roommate told me you were running late so I told him I would come see if you were ready so you could at least eat a little bit." He tugged on my shoulder and noticed I didn't want to look at him. "Oy, what's going on mate?" He peaked over my shoulder to see the tears.
His eyes widened and he looked at the expression Kensington had. "What the bloody hell did ya do to `em!?" His voice rang in my ear as he stepped toward Kensington.
Kensington shifted his eyes and didn't want to talk but Greene didn't budge. Why was he getting so upset? I grabbed ahold of his arm in a desperate plea to get out of there and away from Kensington. "Greene...please, lets just take our leave..." I pleaded in a hushed voice.
Greene shook his head "No way, something has been up with ya for the past few days, I didn't intend to say anything but in all the years we been here I've never seen ya cry like this!" I tugged him harder forcing him to look at me. "Please, Austin..." His eyes became softer and his mouth closed. It was like he wanted to ask more questions or continue yelling at Kensington but he knew that I was serious.
"Bloody...you've gone mad haven't ya, Jounes." He yanked his arm away and grabbed my upper arm and started walking down the hall. He didn't look back or at me he just walked.
We walked for about 5 minutes before he stopped and looked me up and down. "Ya look like a bloody slob, take some pride in your appearance you're a pretty good looking boy if ya tried" He put his hand out; I just looked at it confused "Give me your tie."
I pulled it out of my pocket and handed it to him. He buttoned on more buttons on my shirt and began to tie my tie. I just watched his movement and realized he had just saved me. I grabbed his wrist and stopped him; he looked up slightly confused but more shocked.
"Greene...I don't want to go to class, please stay with me." I desperately wanted someone I could trust to be with me right now; His gaze scaled my puffy red eyes and the dried tears on my cheeks.
"Ya sure? The professors are gunna chew us out tomorrow." His hair was down but his bangs were pulled back by a hair pin. He scratched the back of his neck like he wanted to refuse but didn't want to say it. I picked up on the look and smiled.
"Don't worry, I'll manage...you go back to class" I stepped back waving my hand at him. He looked at me slightly offended but shook his head.
"Bullocks...Lets go, I'll just be listening to the arse next to me talk about their latest fuck-book and how they beat to it..." He smiled trying to make it seem like he wanted to but his face wasn't that good at lying. "Really Jounes I want to go with ya." His face got more serious but kept a smile across it.
I nodded timidly, he was my closest friend and he was showing me just how good a friend he was by sticking by me. He looked around and pointed to a door a few feet away from us. He pulled my tie to get me closer. "Listen...Don't tell anyone but that room is empty and no one really goes there so we should be fine in there until lunch." He whispered.
I put a finger on my lips "Not a soul," I winked and snickered. He lightly punched my shoulder and pulled me to the door by my tie. He jiggled the knob. "Is it locked?" I asked anticipating his reaction.
"No, the knob is broken you just have to get it just right..." His tongue pressed against his upper lip as he jiggled it a few more times before the door creaked open with a jolt. I would have jumped back but Greene had ahold of my tie tightly.
He opened it and looked around the corridor we were in before he stepped in, pulling me along. "Greene let go, I can walk on my own you know." I whined feeling the force on my tie. His grip loosened and the tie slipped out of his hands.
He was feeling against wall for a switch as he said in a low voice "Sorry, Jounes." He finally managed to brush his finger against the switch. The single light bulb flickered on, to show a small closest type room that had two large boxes stacked on top of each other. Right above the boxes there was a shelf with a bucket on it. You could tell the room hadn't been used in a while because the shelf had dust piled on it.
The light was dim, but I could still see Greene clearly he had sat on the floor against the boxes. He patted the floor next to him and smiled. "Sit..."
I sat down next to him but didn't say anything I just folded my arms around my knees and rested my chin on top of my knees. He looked at me and sighed heavily, he put his hand on my shoulder to show me support.
"Jounes...please don't shut down on me; I really want to do what I can to help you out. I mean I bloody scolded a prefect for yah." He pleaded in a hushed voice like he was trying not to make me feel safe and not attacked.
I looked up my eyes filling with tears again; I was so confused about what was happening that I couldn't hold back the tears "G-Greene...I..." He interrupted me by pulling the hair pin out of his hair, his bangs fell forward covering his eyes. He lifted the messing hair from my face and pinned them back so he could see my face.
I unwrapped my arms from my knees and used one of my hands to move the hair from his face. I was so grateful to him. "What about your hair...it's much longer in the front than mine?" My voice trembled but my tears stopped.
He grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand away. "Well...maybe if I see your face I will be able to stop those tears from leaving your eyes." He was looking directing at me, he was so serious about it. He held my wrist tighter like he wasn't going let me escape from opening up to him. I just looked at him and the tears started forming in my eyes, why was he being such a good friend I thought he didn't care about me that much.
"Don't make that face, it looks so pitiful." His words just caused me to feel stranger but he was trying to help me. He even stayed back from class and is sitting in the dirty old closest just for me. He crinkled his nose as the tears formed in my eyes and a whimper escaped my throat.
"What are you a girl..." Greene sneered, he was probably getting irritated at all my crying, but it still hurt when the words left his lips and I just didn't want to hear those words because at that moment Greene wasn't the only person making me feel like girl, so was Kensington. I pushed his hands away from me.
"W-Why would you say that! I'm not a girl I'm a BOY" the tears fell harder, I realized that no matter how I looked at it Kensington was looking at me the way he was supposed to look at girls. I stood up and turned for the door but Greene was right behind me and grabbed ahold of my arm preventing me from going anywhere.
"What the bloody...It was a joke!" He yanked on my arm forcing me to look at him. "Why are ya overreacting? I obviously know you're a boy I was trying to lighten the mood!" He was confused but his voice was stern and angry.
I just wanted Greene to be there, I wanted someone to just...hold me. I looked at him and was scared to attempt to hug him. He was making such a serious face but I just needed someone who I trusted to be there. I just grabbed ahold of his torso like a lost child who just found his mother. He didn't react right away he just stood there.
"Kensington told me he loved me...and I don't understand why I am acting like this..." I said those things but it was like someone else had said it instead. Greened grabbed ahold of my shoulders and pulled me back. His face was in utter disbelief.
"William Kensington is a homosexual...and he confessed to ya!?" It was almost like he was stuttering and couldn't comprehend what I just said. He then tilted his head like he didn't want to say anymore but he closed his eyes and sighed "A-Are ya...ya gay too?" His words hit me like a ton of bricks.
As much that had happened in the past few days I had never stopped and asked myself that question. I just assumed that I needed to hate it. He opened his eyes when I didn't respond, my body began to tremble.
"Oh...god..." Slipped out of my mouth as I realized that I couldn't say no to him. I wanted to say no but it was like my mind and body refused to let me. His eyes widened and he stepped back and yanked his hands away from my shoulders.
"K-Kent...you like boys?" He just searched my face for a response but I didn't have one. I couldn't understand why this was so hard. I had a girlfriend not long ago...not that she was all that great. She was petty and she would do things that grossed me out like kiss me on the cheek. It then hit me that I never enjoyed being kissed by her...but the kiss with Kensington instantly made my body hot.
"K-Kent! Answer me!" Greene put his hands back on my shoulders and shook me from my thoughts. I just looked at him and bit my lip. What was happening to me? I was questioning something about myself that could change everything about me.
Greene shifted his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck. "I never really thought you'd be queer..." He then looked at my face; I looked like I just saw someone die. He tilted his head and sighed. "Jounes, why are ya looking at me like that? We go to an all-boys college so it's not like it's the first time I've met a queer. I bet 1 in 8 boys here are probably into boys." He patted my head.
"I don t know..." I lowered my head. "...If I like boys...I'm so confused..." This was the first time I had said it out loud and it hurt just as much coming out as it did when I was just thinking it.
"Confused...Kent how can you be confused?" He lowered his head to meet my gaze, as my head remained pointed to the floor. "Just tell me...do you like the touch of a boy better or a girl."
I looked at him and shook my head. "I...I d-don't know..." He just stared at me, his expression got softer but a slight grin creeped across his lips.
"You can be so stupid sometimes..." He chuckled; I just looked at him and glared. Why would he say that at a time like this? "Would you like to find out?" He pointed at his own lips. What is he saying? I just looked at him, my glare turned into a confused gaze. He closed his eyes "would ya like to see if a kiss from another boy grosses ya out?" I was set back. I had already kissed Kensington but I hadn't told Greene yet. I just looked at him for a second like I didn't know what to do.
This was the first time another boy asked me if I wanted to kiss Kensington just kissed me without warning; it was making my heart beat. That alone could convince me that I might like boys because I never felt this way when a girl asked to kiss. My face started heating up and I realized that I was trembling still but I shook my head in agreement to his question. "Y-Yeah..." was all I could choke out.
He opened his eyes and saw my face, he laughed lightly this time. "Tilt you head up a little..." I did as he asked and looked up from my slouched over position. He leaned in closer to me; I could feel his hot breath against me. My body tensed up as I realized he was seconds away from kissing me. I just closed my eyes and tried my best not to jump as his lips met with mine.
His lips finally on mine my body felt so hot that I might melt. His kiss was different that Kensington's though. It wasn't as deep or passionate, and I wanted the same kiss from last night. He only kept his lips over mine for a few seconds before he pulled back.
"So did I gross ya out?" He watched my face as I opened my eyes. I wanted to feel his tongue in my mouth and his body against mine just like last night with Kensington.
"Greene..." I looked up, I felt weird as my body moved on its own. "Say ahh" I stepped closer.
He just looked at me but laughed "Ok...Ahh" He opened his mouth slightly. So I took that as my chance and grabbed ahold of his shoulders to lift my lips up to his. The pressure on his shoulders and the shock of my actions caused Greene to fall to his butt along with me.
My tongue entered his mouth as we sat on the floor; it searched every inch of his mouth. Greene didn't respond for a second but then I felt his tongue touch mine curiously. He tried to say something but it was muffled by our kiss. "Mhhnn..." Was the only sound in the room.
I couldn't believe I was kissing my closest friend this way, but I couldn't stop. Our tongues began to wrestle as Greene's hands wrapped around my waist to hoist my on to his legs. I was supporting myself with my knees, one on each side of his legs. My hands moved from his shoulders to his head. His tongue forced mine back into my mouth but his tongue followed, he let his tongue lick every part of my mouth.
We continued our kiss until both needed air. I pulled away and began to breathe heavily; his tongue was slight sticking out as he did the same as me. After we caught our breath we just looked at each other.
"Jounes..." He mumbled. "That kiss...was bloody insane!" His eyes didn't leave my mouth. I suddenly felt ashamed of myself for forcing him into that. I tried to get up but he wasn't letting my waist go.
"W-Wait! Jounes...I didn't mean it in a bad way!" He pleaded knowing I was trying to get up. "Believe me I wanted to do that the first time but I didn't want to scare ya...ya looked so confused to I just kissed ya as light as I could." I just watched him.
He wanted to kiss me like that? I shifted my eyes in embarrassment "Greene...are you gay?" I didn't understand what was happening to my life at this point. Suddenly thinking of being with a boy didn't make me cringe.
Greene used one of his hands to pull his bangs out of his face. "Honestly I don't know... I mean this isn't the first boy I've kissed but the other boy only made me feel like we were touching lips. I think girls are hot and I'm interested in them..." I didn't understand why his words were making me upset but I felt like I wanted him to say he was gay. "...Wait Jounes don't misunderstand...Your kiss made my whole body feel so...intense that I couldn't stop. If that other boy tried that I might've kicked his ass..."
"But you like girls..." I shifted my eyes, what the hell was I saying? I sounded like a girl myself. He's a bloody boy of course he likes girls!
"I'm saying that I don't know!" He tilted his head to catch my gaze. "I'm saying that every day I try to make it seem like your little quirks don't stir me up...like when ya cried I want to cry with you!" He just watched my eyes.
I was set back by his words, what was he saying? Was he confessing or just telling me that we're good friends!? I stood up out of embarrassment; I used my hand to cover my mouth. "Y-You're confessing?" I said hushed.
He tried to stop me from backing up but it didn't work I was backing towards the door. "I have no idea what I'm doing at the moment all I know is that you do things to me that other boys...and even girls can't do for me" He stood up to look straight into my eyes.
My heart practically stopped, First Kensington now Greene...what was happening to my life. Suddenly everyone around me was looking at me the same way and I was just making it worse by crying, and doing all the things I was doing.
As I remembered our kiss I suddenly wanted to run away because I was the one who kissed him that way but something came over me just like last night when I looked in the mirror I was realizing that I was seeing thing differently. My heart was pounding and I started thinking that I wanted other things, dirty naughty things from these boys but how could I tell them. They would think I was disgusting...Oh god how could this be happening...I didn't know who was I anymore...
Loveless: Thanks for reading~ This took me a few days and I should update in a few days! Any feedback or comments are welcome; you can massage me on her or email me at Becka.King253@Gmail.com I will try my best to reply to each comment. THANK YOU~!