WHAT MAKES A FAMILY BY: Julien
This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of any person, place or thing. It contains sexual activities between males and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area. Read at your own risk and enjoy. Comments are welcomed at juniorj009@gmail.com and would be very much appreciated. ENJOY!
This will be a short mini series of sort. Comments are always appreciated. Thanks. J.
DAVID
I didn't know what to think or how to feel. All I knew was that my mind was fucked up by what I saw. It was bad enough walking in on your parents fucking, but to actually walk in and see exposed genitilia, fluids and all the other nasty shit that comes along with fucking, that was a whole other story. At least James had the decency to look shocked and embarrassed.
"Fuck....David....shit....could you go stand outside." He half yelled, half muttered at me as he reached for the folded bedspread, tugging it from the bed and wrapping it around his waist while simultaneously trying to block my view from the passed out figure laying on the bed.
For a minute I felt paralyzed, but a quick look at the intensity in his eyes got me refocused and moving out the door. I felt my heart pounding in my chest and my head swarming with questions that I didn't have the answers to. After a few minutes, I heard footsteps and then the closing of the bedroom door. I didn't want to look at him, but that was unavoidable as he came around and stood in front of me, his right hand coming to rest on my shoulder.
"David...I...Fuck...you weren't meant to see that."
"You fucked him...." I started and stopped as his words overrode mine.
"It was an accident...a mistake....I don't know..."
You fucked him!" My words came out much harsher than I had intended but the shock of the situation was all I could think about. He had fucked my dad, the man that had hit me. A sense of betrayal washed over me and I found it difficult to keep the anger that I felt bubbling up in me, in check.
"Why would you do that? He fucking decked me!"
He let go of my shoulder and ran a hand over his face, the tension clearly evident in both his expression and the rigor of his body.
"David....I didn't plan this. I don't know what came over me...I ...I don't know what else to say."
And neither did i. This whole situation was getting fucked up by the minute and all I wanted to do was close my eyes and pretend that I was somewhere else.
He made a move to touch me again but I pulled out of reach and held my hands out in front of me.
"Don't touch me , ok. I ....I just wanna go."
He looked down on me, his mouth held tight in a grimace. He shook his head and took a deep breath before speaking.
"Ok, we'll go. Just give me a second to just clean up...tell your grandma I'll be down in a second."
I didn't respond, not that I think he expected one from me. And for a second, we just looked at each other, not saying anything.
And then he was gone, walking back into the bedroom and closing the door behind him. I was glad that we weren't face to face anymore but that did little to ease my mind or erase the images that were burnt into my brain.
ÔThey had sex....in grandma's house...with me and grandma right downstairs.' The very thought had me wanting to throw up my dinner but I withstood the urge.
"David, everything ok up there?" My grandmother's voice carried up the stairs, distracting me from my own thoughts, something I was grateful for.
I cleared my throat before responding, hoping that I was doing a decent job of keeping the confusion and uncertainty out of my voice.
"Ahh, yeah. Everything's fine. I'll be down in a minute."
"Ok"
And while I might have been able to placate my grandmother into believing that all was well, I knew I couldn't fool myself. Shit was messed up beyond belief and I didn't know where things would go from here.
JAMES
I sat on the edge of the bed and for a minute, all I did was hold my face in the palm of my hands. What the hell did I just do? I couldn't come up with an explanation for my actions nor did I try to rationale it. All I knew was that I had lost control and further complicated a situation that was already fucked up. Fucking Neil was messed up in itself but fucking him in his drunken state, there were no words to adequately describe that. The sex was just that, sex. It was rough, animalistic and truth be told, while I busted my nut, it hadn't satisfied me in the way that I thought it would. All I felt right now was empty, dirty and disgusted with myself. I had let my guard down for one minute and had ended up fucking things up...again. David was pissed with me beyond belief and I couldn't blame him. How could I have allowed my dick to lead me astray, fucking the man that had in essence abused him?
ÔYou weren't thinking asshole. You were too chicken shit to let go of the past and now....' I immediately shut my thoughts down and stood up. I wasn't ready to deal with all this shit floating around in my head....maybe later, when I was alone, but right now I had to man up and put all the emotional shit aside.
I went into the bathroom and took a wash cloth from the cupboard, rinsing it in warm water before wringing it dry. I walked into the bedroom and stood over Neil. I felt the familiar stirrings but ignored them as I systematically wiped the sweat and cum from his body. He didn't even as much as stir and for that, I was grateful. After I had cleaned him up, I lifted him and placed his sleeping form on the sofa. I took all the sheets off the bed, threw them in the nearby hamper and remade the bed with fresh sheets that I found in the linen closet. As I worked, my thoughts kept wandering towards what had transpired. I could feel myself hardening once again and I had to immediately push those thoughts to the side. With the bed made, I once again turned around towards the sofa and a sleeping Neil to suddenly find that his eyes were wide open and staring straight at me. Panic gripped my chest in a vice and squeezed and I had to force myself to take a deep breath.
ÔShit, shit, shit, shit shit! Ok, ok, think...what to say, what to say, what to say....'
And as my thoughts continued to ramble, his eyes just bore into mine, not giving me the option to look away and in essence, hide. At first, we just stared at each other, no words being exchanged and I thought that maybe I was in the clear. But then he attempted to sit up and leaned forward, unintentionally falling to the ground. I was at his side in seconds, barely catching his head as it made a dive for the floor boards.
"Jesus...you ok Neil?" His skin felt clammy to the touch and his hair was slick with sweat.
"...uh....gonna puke..." were the only word he was able to muster up before vomiting all over himself and subsequently, me in the process. I should have been pissed as hell, irritated, angry but all I felt was an overwhelming sense of guilt and an overwhelming need to comfort him. This was not the first time that I've had to clean Neil up but it had been the first time in over a year. Memories tried to force their way to the surface but I pushed them aside as I lifted Neil up and half walked/half dragged him into the bathroom and into the shower.
"...don't wanna...no....leave...me....lone...goway." His words were slurred, jumbled and almost incoherent. He at one point tried to push my hands away but I held unto him firmly
"Neil, cut the bullshit and let me help you! You're a mess."
"....don't care....get your fuchin hands offa me...I can help myself."
It would almost be comical watching the scene before me unfold if it wasn't for the fact that Neil and I were both covered in the foul smelling remnants of dinner and drinks.
He tried to stand up, grabbing unto the shower curtains and almost succeeding in pulling it down on top of the both of us, beam and all. If it wasn't for me holding his arms down, he might have won that battle.
"We've seen how much self control you have. Now stop being an ass and let me help you."
His glassy eyes met mine and held it. There was something unnerving about this moment and I found myself wanting to bounce but I knew it wouldn't be right, not after everything that had happened, both past and present.
"I fucking hateyou. You'reabastard...i don't wantyourhelp....i want...David....i want my son."
"Whatever Neal. It's not gonna happen so you either sit your ass down and let me give you a bath or I leave your ass here and get your mother to do it!" I was emotionally drained and by this point, just plain annoyed. Something I'm sure came across loud and clear in the tone of my voice.
He broke our gaze and looked down but didn't say another word after that. Surprisingly, he was very compliant, allowing me to undress him and then bathe him, before removing my own shirt and cleaning my upper body with the wash cloth. During the whole experience, I had to constantly remind myself why I was there, bringing to the forefront an image of David on the night that he called me, desperate for help. That was enough to kill all feelings that I had below the belt, something that I wish I had done an hour a go.
As I wrapped a freshly retrieved towel around his body, Neil made a grab for my hand. Preparing myself for a fight, I was on the verge of pulling away when he started speaking. His words were more coherent this time and filled with so much anguish that I had to squelch the overwhelming urge to comfort him.
"I'm such a fucking idiot. Everything I do turns to shit. Why would anyone want to be with me? My son hates me, my mom's disappointed in me, you can't stand my guts. My life is shit!."
The tears that fell down his face triggered in me a sense of deep pity. And in all the years that Neil and I had been partners, I never knew the magnitude of self-hate that he had for himself. I wanted to say something, anything, just to put an end to this uncomfortable declaration but I just didn't have the words. And as he continued to speak, refusing to look at me, all I could do was look anywhere but at him wondering, Ôhow the fuck did we get in this mess'.
NEIL
I was like a runaway train, desperately trying to put on the breaks but unable to do so. I figured I could always blame the liquor later, but for now, I wanted...no, I needed to get all this out. All these feelings, emotions, they were destroying me, changing me for the worse, destroying my relationships one by one. I'm not sure exactly what triggered this moment, probably the copious amounts of alcohol that I had ingested mixed with my anti anxiety meds, either way, it was happening. James looked shell-shocked and avoided my eyes. This simple act served as confirmation to me that he truly did despise me with every fiber of his being. The thought alone hurt me so deeply, but I deserved it, I earned that title. I don't know why I ever thought I could hold on to a man like that. Someone so full of life, so accepting of others, so giving. I mean, to stat a relationship with a man who had a child, support a household, help raise a kid who fought him every step of the way, that was more than anyone could ask and definitely more than I deserved. But I said none of this to James, why bother, he probably came to that realization a long time ago, hence the reason he packed up his shit and jetted.
"I just wish...I wish I could go back and fix everything. Everything with David, everything with you, I just...I just wish I could un-fuck everything." I said those words barely above a whisper but I knew he could hear them.
"I wish I could go back to when it was just me and David, a time before you. We were so happy, just the two of us and then you had to come into our lives. Why did you have to come into our lives James? Why did you have to make David care about you so damn much? Why did you have to make me love you? I wish I never met you....i would have been lonely and sad and pathetic, but at least..."
I couldn't get the last of my words out as the tears came down harder. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole, forcing me to shut the fuck up, but that didn't, couldn't happen.
"...at least I wouldn't have to go through this heartache. I wouldn't have to go through each day not knowing what to expect. I wouldn't have to force myself to get up each morning pretending that I'm all right. My son would still love and respect me...maybe everyones life would be better if I weren't around to fuck shit up."
I hadn't meant to say that last bit but I was emotionally overwhelmed and my over worked mind had just let slip the thoughts that I had been mulling around in my head for weeks. I don't know what reaction I had expected from James but the one I received was far from any scenario I had pictured. His eyes met mine and the glare in them sobered me up somewhat. He looked angry, almost as if he wanted to reach over and beat the shit out of me. I at this point expected him to further make me feel like shit with his typical verbal assaults, telling me how selfish I was, how deluded I was, how pathetic I was. I waited and waited and waited and then,
"Don't you ever fucking talk like that...ever! I swear to God Neil, if you ever think about doing something so...stupid...I will...don't even think it. How could you even think about doing that to David! To your mother! To your friends! To me! You're a real asshole for saying that....do you actually think that things would get better if you fucking killed yourself?!? Do you have any fucking idea what that would do to all of us?!?"
I didn't, not really, but in the midst of this emotional upheaval, the thought of just ending it all had crossed my mind on more than one occasion. How my son, mother or ex would feel hadn't crossed my mind...not yet anyway. And besides, it was a non issue...right? This wasn't me talking, this was months and months of shit building up, finally releasing, right? And If I was looking for reinforcement from within, it never came. And I felt myself slowly getting very tired and all I wanted to do was disappear under the duvet and not come out, but James' look kept me locked in place.
His next set of words were surprisingly calm and devoid of curses, well, almost. They felt almost paternal in nature.
"Look Neil, this...shit...this has been hard on all of us ok. It's been a hard fucking year and emotions are running high but you know what, that's life....that's our life. And all the wishing and wanting won't change anything. We all have to move forward cause going backward is not gonna solve anything, no matter how much we might want it to. Look, I think you should get some help man. Talk to a doctor about all these feelings inside of you. Get it out man so that you can move forward. If you won't do it for you, then do it for David. He's gonna need both of us to get through this."
And deep down I knew he was right. I wasn't going to admit that to him though. I was already embarrassed as it was. I closed my eyes and turned away from him only to have him gently grab my arm and turn me towards him. We were mere inches from each other and as my mind clouded, my palms became clammy and my breathing became shallow, I couldn't help but try to pull away.
But James refused to let me go.
"We are FAR from normal as normal gets and shit is not cool but....I'm not gonna let you dig yourself further into this hole Neil. It's not fair to David and more importantly, it's not fair to you. We're gonna have to put this personal shit between us to the side, at least until you get your head together, and I'm not giving you a choice in the matter."
And with that, he let my arm go and turned around and walked out the room. It was only after he left that I realized that I had been holding my breath.
I am really glad to have chapter 16 posted. Sorry for the delay....again. I had to rework this chapter several times as i was not satisfied with it as it was. Definitely proud of this most recent update. Enjoy.
Comments for this and other stories are encouraged and appreciated and I do reply to all emails. My new email address is juniorj009@gmail.com
Thanks for reading. Other stories of mine include:
BEGINNINGS December 3rd 2002 YO B Dec 27 2002 heart-and-soul/
INTERACIAL Nov 5 2004 story-of-us/ Jan 2 2003 to-sir-with-love/
Dec 27 2002 heart-and-soul/
MILITARY Dec 21 2002 the-recruiter/
RELATIONSHIPS Nov 5 2004 story-of-us/
Jun 6 2005 redemption/
BI RELATIONSHIPS
Dec 20 2002 graduation-day/
J