What Is Love

By Angel Lenoir

Published on Apr 28, 2000

Gay

Okay, it's time for the disclaimer. This is a story. It in no way implies that any members of the band NSYNC are gay.

Also, if you are not of age then I'm forced to request that you leave right now. Also, since this is a story dealing with homosexuality, if that's not allowed in your town, city, or state then please don't break any laws on my behalf. Let's see is there anything that I've missed? I can't think of anything, but if so then I'm sure that you know the drill.

Now I've have a couple of shout outs. Henry, dude, you're great. Thanks for the conversations man. Without them I think I would have lost it along time ago. Even though I'm sure you think that I've already lost it. Austin, thanks for the info man. It's hard to write about a place when you've only been there a couple of times in your life.

Now for the rest of you, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show...

What is Love?

II

As I followed Justin back to the room, my only thought was how great he looked. As we reached the door, Justin looked back at me and smiled.

"What?" I asked.

"Oh nothing. I was just thinking, it's not every day that a fan walks into the room and gripes us out. I don't know who was stunned the most, me or the rest of the guys?"

"Oh, I can answer that one."

"Really? Then who was it?"

"It's really easy actually. It was me."

"Is that so?" Justin asked with a smile.

"Yeah, it is, and if you don't let it lie, then I'll have to do it again."

"Okay, okay. I give up." Justin said with a laugh.

"You'll learn that I usually always get whatever I set my mind to." I said aloud. Inside though, my feelings where in turmoil. Here was Justin Timberlake. The sexiest guy on the face of the earth, and I was talking to him. What's even more is that he was actually talking back to me and seemed to be enjoying the conversation.

As Justin reached for the door, it suddenly swung open to reveal JC's face. "Oh there you are. I was just coming to look for you. So Angel, right?"

"Yeah."

"What do you have planned for us? We're getting kind of hungry and would really like to eat before the concert."

"Oh shit, that's right." I said quickly then, "Oops. I'm sorry. I didn't mean too.."

"That's alright," Justin interrupted. "It's not like we haven't said anything worse in our lives."

"Well in that case, if you'll get the rest of the guys JC, I'll go get the elevator."

"Sounds like a deal." JC said as he stuck his head in the door, "Hey guys if you want to eat then get your butts out here and let's go."

The sounds of scuffling could be heard from the inside of the room. Then suddenly Lance popped through the door, followed quickly by Chris, and then Joey. It was obvious that they'd had a race to see who was out the door first. "So Lance, as the winner, what do you want as your prize?"

"I just want to eat. Food, I must have food!" Lance said with a grin.

"Well then food it is. Let's go," I said as the elevator door opened.

As I pushed the door for the lobby, I remembered something that I was supposed to do. "Uh, guys, I don't know if this would be a good time to ask this or not, but could I have your autograph?" I asked as I dug out a notepad and a pen.

"See told you he was a fan," JC said to Lance.

"Looks like you're right. At least I only lost $5 this time." Lance said with a smile.

"So what do you want it to say?" Justin asked as he reached for the pen and notepad.

"Could you write something along the lines of: Jamie, may you reach for your dreams always."

"I thought your name was Angel," Justin said as he started to write what I'd requested.

"Oh it's not for me. It's for the granddaughter of a friend of mine. I promised that I'd get her your autograph."

"Oh, how sweet," all the guys mocked.

"Shaddup," I mumbled as my face turned red.

Upon reaching the lobby, I was surprised to find that the lobby was quickly filling up with people. Before I realized what was happening, I heard a female voice yell, "There they are!" and was swamped by a crowd of girls. As they tried to get past me into the elevator, I quickly hit the close door button, and pushed back those that were too eager. As they tried to keep the door from closing, I calmly grabbed out a conductor's baton from its place in my pockets and started to hit it across the knuckles of the hands of the girls. As the door finally closed, I was surprised to hear the guys laughing. As I glared back at them, they tried to keep it from happening, but soon they were just rolling on the floor.

"What?" I asked in surprise.

"Sure, the fans aren't here for us. Where supposed to be here for the fans." Justin snickered.

"Yeah you are, but those weren't fans. That was a mob." I said with a glare.

"Sure, whatever you say man." JC said with a laugh as we reached the garage.

As we walked out of the elevator, I notice Kevin getting out of a car that he'd just parked. "Hey Kevin, can I get you to give me my keys? My guests and I have to leave in a bit of a hurry."

"Uh, oh yeah. Hold on a min," he said as he walked to the office.

"You know him?" asked Joey.

"Yeah, I worked here last summer. Kevin's a good kid." I said with a smile. About that time he walked back over and tossed me the keys.

"You know where we parked you," he said with a grin.

"Kevin, ya didn't."

"What?" he asked with a innocent look on his face. "Just because we think that you'd have made a better manager than Bob doesn't mean that we'd let you have his parking spot. Does it?"

"Dude, I'll remember this." I said with a laugh. "Come on guys, this way."

As we walked up toward the parking spot, I heard the guys asking if there was going to be enough room in the vehicle. "Oh yeah. There'll be more than enough room." I said with a laugh. As we neared the spot, I pointed out my pride and joy to the guys. "Think that'll be big enough?" I asked as I pointed to my LandRover.

"Sweet, shotgun!" Justin cried as he ran toward the car.

It was as if his words set off an explosion with the rest of the group. They immediately ran toward the car, hollering where they were going to sit out. With a laugh, I trotted along behind them. As I neared it I hit a button on my key chain and the doors unlocked. By the time that I'd gotten in the driver's seat, all the guys were in waiting on me.

"So what took you so long?" Chris asked from the back.

"Well not all of us have the energy of twelve year olds." I shot back.

"I just think someone's jealous that they're not young anymore." He joked.

"Yeah, that's what it is. Next time I need to feel young, I'll just go stand next to you Grandpa." I said with a laugh. I noticed that Chris got real quite. "Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." I apologized.

"No, it's alright. I asked for it." Chris said with a wry smile. "Guys, remind me not to get in another battle of wits with this guy. I don't want to cut myself."

With a laugh, I started up the engine and put it into reverse. As I backed out of the parking spot, a car suddenly came roaring down the lane. Slamming on the breaks quickly, I brought the vehicle to a stop to let the car go past. "Everyone okay?" I asked as I continued to back up and started up the ramp to the road outside.

"Yeah, but how'd you know he was there?" Joey asked.

"Well after you worked here for awhile, you know to always watch as you're backing out. There's always some crazy fool that wants to park his or her own car. You have to watch out for them, cause if you put a dent into a customers car, it comes out of your check."

As we got on the road, I quickly drove to the place that we were supposed to have dinner at. I noticed that as we pulled into the parking lot of Casinelli's that the parking lot was pretty full. "Let's just hope that our reservations are still made." I thought as I parked. We walked into the place and I immediately asked if they had reservations for either Mrs. Helmsley or for a Mr. Lenoir.

"Oh yes, here we are, Mr. Lenoir. You have a table for reserved for 6. If you'll follow me, then I'll show you to your seats."

Within minutes we were seated around the table. As I looked over the menus, I had trouble deciding what I was going to eat. It took us about 10 minutes to decide what we were going to eat. Chris and I both got the Parmesan chicken breast served with a helping of Alfredo. Justin and Joey both decided to just have a chicken Alfredo, and Lance got the shrimp Alfredo. While waiting for our orders to arrive we ordered a side order of breadsticks to tide us over. As we waited for our food, they decided to get to know me better. One of the first questions that I received was why I had a conductor's baton in my pocket. With a shy grin, I told them that I had written a small piece for the campus band to play. The reason that I had the baton was that I had to get used to using it while I was conducting.

"Well it doesn't look like you'll have a problem with it. Not after the way that you handled those girls back there." Justin said with a laugh.

"So what else do you do?" JC asked.

"Well I like reading, boys, talking on the phone, boys, shopping, boys, and just hanging out with my girls." I said in my best airhead routine. Within minutes we were all cracking up. "No seriously, I'm going to school for business management. However I do enjoy singing, writing, and dancing. I also enjoy several sports."

"What kind of sports?" Justin asked.

"Well I love football. Soccer's fun. Baseball I can play if it's a pick-up game."

"What about basketball?" he asked.

"Well, let's see what can I say about basketball. I mean the game was a nice concept and all for its time, but I just don't get the point of it. I mean come on. Why should you stand out there and shoot a ball through a hoop? It's just not for me." I said trying to hold a grin. Luckily the food arrived right then, so no one saw me as I hid my smile behind my napkin.

"So Angel, what else do you have planned for us?" Lance asked as we started to dig into our food.

"Well that depends on what time we get out of here." I said as I glance at my watch. "Right now it looks like we'll have just enough time to get you to the arena to be able to get ready for the show. It all depends on you after that."

"On us? What do you mean by that?" asked Joey.

"Well my job is to be your guide. If you guys aren't too tired then I take you out to see some of the sites."

"That sounds cool. We might take you up on that offer," Lance said with a smile.

As we ate, we talked some more. After spending about 45 minutes with them, I was surprised to find that I was completely relaxed in their presence. An hour passed by before any of us realized it. As I glanced at the clock I realized that we had an hour and a half in order to get to the arena. "Uh guys, we need to get going," I said, "but before we go, I have something that you must try." As a waiter walked by, I reached out and tapped them. "Excuse me, but could I have bother you for 6 Death by Chocolates? Oh yeah, and you'd better put those in some to go cartons." As he nodded his head and headed off in the direction of the kitchen I looked back at the guys.

"Death by Chocolate?" JC said. "I'm not sure but if it's anything like it's name then I think we're in trouble."

Within minutes the waiter had returned with the dessert and our check. Looking at my watch again, I quickly stood up and ushered the guys toward the front of the restaurant.

"Was the food to your satisfaction, sir?" the maitre de asked.

"It was excellent. My compliments to the chef." I replied as I paid for the meal.

"Thank you and have a good night, sir." He said as we walked out of the door.

As we got to the car, I looked at the guys. "I guess you want these?" I asked nodding to the deserts that I had in my arms.

"Uh huh," they all said at once.

"Well here," I said as I handed each of them a box while keeping one for me.

As the guys opened the box they were treated to a site that they were unprepared for. If anyone has every heard of Death by Chocolate then you'll have a close idea to what this was. Laying in the bottom of the box was a fudge brownie. On top of that was chocolate icing and on top of that was a scoop of chocolate ice cream. Laying across the ice cream, was a layer of chocolate syrup and chocolate sprinkles. Then it was all topped by a generous scoop of mocha. Unless you are a chocolate lover the first bite is enough to make your taste buds explode. The second bite transfers you to heaven. Every bite after that just brings you deeper and deeper into paradise. The only side effect is that with the amount of caffeine that it contained, you were soon bouncing off of the walls, as the guys soon found out on the trip to the arena. As we finally reached the arena, I pulled my car up the gate. As a security guard stopped, me I rolled down my window and waited on him to get to me.

"May I help you sir?"

"Yes sir, I'm here with the group."

"I'm sure you are sir," the guard said sarcastically.

"Well if you don't believe him, the maybe you'll believe me," Justin said as he leaned across me for to guard to see him.

"Mr. Timberlake, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you were with him."

"That's okay, now may we please go in?"

"Of course sir. Right away sir." The guard said as he motioned for the others to open the gate and waved us through.

"Well that went surprisingly well," I said as we approached their entrance, "I'll see you guys after the show."

"After the show?" they asked in surprise.

"Yeah, after all what good are having backstage passes, if you don't use them?" I answered as I walked off to find my seat.

For the next two hours, I had the time of my life. The guys were awesome! The music was great! It was just a perfect night. Finally as they neared the end of their set though, they sang one song that has always affected me greatly. I recognized the song immediately from it's opening tune. As I listened to Justin's heavenly voice soar through the notes, I started to think of the meaning of the song. I thought about how it was meant to show the love between a mother and the mother's child, and I couldn't take it anymore. I told Kim that I had to get out of there, and as I made my way out to my car, the tears started to flow. As I reached my vehicle, I heard the concert end and knew that Kim would be making her way backstage right then, but I didn't care as I the pain that I'd been keeping in for ages suddenly overwhelmed me. With a cry, I opened the driver side door and crawled in to collapse against the steering wheel. It seemed like ages had passed before I felt a hand on my shoulder. Looking up I noticed Justin standing there with a look of concern on his face.

"I thought you said that you had a backstage pass?"

"I do," I said as I handed it to him.

"Then why didn't you join us backstage? Did we do something to make you made?" he asked in confusion as he stared at the pass.

"No, it's nothing that you guys did. It's something that I did."

"Angel, I don't understand. What could you have done that causes you so much pain?"

"I fucked up." I sobbed as I collapsed against the steering wheel. "I fucked up and nothing I can ever do will make it better."

Justin didn't say anything. He just stood there with a hand on my shoulder as I cried against the steering wheel. As the sobs started to fade, I heard JC asking if I was going to be alright.

"I don't know," Justin said as he shook his head, "Something is really tearing him apart inside."

I heard footsteps and familiar voices coming toward me. Then one voice in particular jumped out. "Angel? Angel hun, what's the matter?" Kim said as she hurried toward my car. "I got worried when you didn't meet me backstage. Are you okay?" Kim said as she slid in to give me a hug. With a sob, I collapsed against her, pulling her tight to me. "It was the song wasn't it? It reminded of you of them, didn't it?" Kim asked as I cried into her shoulder. I nodded as I held on to her tighter.

"What song?" I heard Justin ask.

"The last one that you sung. "God Must Have Spent"," she said. "Can I tell them Angel?" she asked as she stroked my hair. Knowing that she wouldn't tell them everything I just nodded. "You see up until two years ago, Angel had a real tight relationship with his mother and his adopted father. Then two years ago everything went to hell and they basically threw him out of their lives."

"Oh my God, what kind of parents could do that their own child?" Justin asked as a tear started to make it's way down his cheek. "Why would the do something like that?"

"Because I'm bisexual," I said as I slowly raised my head from Kim's shoulder, "and they couldn't take it."

"What? You're gay?" Justin screamed. "How could they have sent us someone who was gay? I can't fucking belief it! How fucking dare they."

I just sat there stunned as the sweet boy that I'd known suddenly started to spew forth something similar to what my parents had said. Shaking my head sadly, I started up the vehicle and closed the door. As I rolled down the window I saw the other guys trying to calm down Justin.

"I'll meet you back at the dorm," I said to Kim as I put the car into reverse.

"Angel, wait a minute." Chris said as he came over my way.

"What do you want Chris," I said coldly.

"I just wanted to apologize for the way this night ended."

"Gee, how nice of you." I said as I turned around and headed out of the place.

As I reached the gate, I looked back and saw NSYNC in person for the last time, or so I thought.

Okay guys, I'm not sure about this chapter. I mean I think it turned out the way that it was meant to, but I'm not sure if I'm completely happy with it. Don't worry, the two major people will get together in this story. I'm just not sure who it'll be right now.

Once again all comments and or suggestions are welcome. Just send them to angel_lenoir@angelfire.com Also if you have ICQ and want to get a hold of me that way then you can get a hold of me at this number 64742298 or if you have Microsoft Instant Messenger then you can find me as Angel_lenoir. Sorry, but I don't have a Yahoo instant messenger nor do I have AOL Instant Messenger, so I can't be reached those ways.

Now once again remember that all flames will be ignored as it's a waste of my time and yours. So until the next chapter, live long, prosper, and may your jeans split in the right direction! ;-p

Next: Chapter 3


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