What if? Chapter 2
Around 3:00 a.m., Josh discovered another reality of being a single dad. Daniel was evidently not used to sleeping through the night. The young father stumbled out of bed to warm up a bottle for his unhappy son. In his haste, he initially forgot that he was nude, but when he did become conscious of it, he felt it didn't matter. Danny was too young to notice, and they were, after all, both male. Besides, he was determined that his son wouldn't grow up in a prudish household like he had. If a guy wanted to sleep naked, he should do so without any self-consciousness or repercussions.
Since the baby was clad only in a diaper, there was plenty of skin to skin contact again when he nursed. Josh hoped that the warmth of his body, and the sound of his heartbeat, would help his son develop a sense of security. He expected that the boy would become familiar with his scent, and associate that with comfort too. Attachment was important. He'd never felt much of that with his parents, especially his father. He was bound and determined that Danny wouldn't suffer the same fate!
By Wednesday's rehearsal, Josh had learned to cope with the experience of having a little life dependent upon him, but had yet to find a child-care provider for Danny when school would begin again after the break. He could probably take a few family illness or sick days if necessary, but those wouldn't last long.
Randy had a possible solution, which he shared when they met at the church nursery that evening.
"I discussed your problem with Mom. She's willing to take Danny along with Joey, on a trial basis at least. She won't charge much, and she's great with kids. After all, she raised me, and look how well I turned out!" he joked.
"Wow! If she's willing to do it, it would take a load off of my mind. I was thinking about applying for paternity leave, but it's difficult to get permission on short notice. On top of that, people who're qualified to sub for the upper level science classes I teach are about a common as hen's teeth. I'm sure the school administrators wouldn't be very pleased to deal with it. I'll rest a lot easier tonight, knowing Danny will be in a safe and loving environment, and my job won't be in jeopardy."
"Speaking of tonight, what are you doing after practice?"
"I'll be playing poker and drinking all night with a bunch of guys," Josh laughed. "Just like you and hundreds of other single parents."
"Okay, smarty, if you'd like to come over to my place for a bit, we could have a wild party, like indulge in my mother's homemade chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk while we play double solitaire or visit. You can put Danny down in Joey's portable crib, or the two might share his bed. They seem compatible, as long as they don't poke each other in the eye."
"That sounds great! I could use a bit of adult conversation."
Having made a friend who was in a similar situation meant a lot to Josh. He could voice his frustrations, and find a receptive, non-judgmental ear. Evelyn's cookies were so scrumptious that both men had to pace themselves not to snarf them all down in one sitting.
The guys shared nearly an hour together before Josh said he must go home to feed Danny and get him ready for bed because he had a routine which required a bit of time.
Randy had recommended giving Danny a helping of rice cereal which would likely hold him until morning without waking up for a bottle in the wee hours. If it worked, that would be a blessing!
Josh had also begun to read to his son for a few minutes prior to putting him in his crib. It was togetherness time, and the experience supposedly helped children learn to decode language for themselves at an early age. His boy would have all the advantages he could provide.
Josh thought Evelyn was one of the sweetest persons he'd ever met. Randy had in no way oversold her virtues. Danny took to her immediately, which made Josh feel considerably better about how his son would adjust when school started up again.
On Monday, when Josh dropped Danny off at Randy's apartment, Evelyn came to the door with Joey in a sling on her left side, and put Danny on her right side in the one that Josh had brought.
"This will balance the load and be easier on my back than having only one boy to carry," she smiled. "I am twice blessed!"
Josh slipped out quietly, sad to have to part from his little one, but happy in knowing that he would be safe and loved. The babbling of the two babies rang in his ears for the rest of the day.
When Josh came back to pick up Danny after school, Evelyn had left, and Randy was still in his sleep shorts sitting on the sofa entertaining both boys. With his bed-head hair and stubble, he looked like someone in a men's underwear ad. Josh felt a pleasurable stirring below the waist.
Besides seeing each other a few minutes nearly every day, the guys continued to get together after rehearsals, and sometimes on Sunday. One of the topics that had come up in a recent conversation was baptism. Randy said that Joey hadn't been baptized because of the stressful schedule they'd had before Anna had gone back to active duty. They had planned to have it done when she returned. Obviously, that wasn't going to happen now.
Josh admitted that he hadn't even thought of it because his old church had been dead-set against infant baptism. He was considering it since joining First Presbyterian.
"Hey, wouldn't it be cool to have the boys baptized on the same day?" Randy thought aloud.
"It would be! We wouldn't have to be up there alone, looking like dorks."
"We could each be the godfather for the other baby!" Randy suggested.
"Wow! Let's talk to Pastor Liz about arranging it. I'm sure she wouldn't mind doing two at once instead of planning around it more than one Sunday."
On the forth Sunday after Easter, the two infants were officially welcomed into the household of faith.
Joseph Randall Fischer and Daniel James Blackwell behaved very well during the rite. Joey looked as if he were about to cry when he felt the water on his head, but he stopped and smiled instead when his father whispered soothing words into his ear.
Danny didn't mind the water, but wouldn't let Pastor Thornton hold him when it was applied. Both boys were in the arms of their dads as the minister walked the length of the center aisle to "introduce" them to the congregation.
Grandma Evelyn beamed as she juggled one on each knee in the fellowship hall after service while other members came over to admire the boys. She claimed both of them as her grandsons.
Evelyn acted like a grandmother in providing most of Daniel's care for the rest of the term during the hours Josh was at school. Occasionally, Randy did part of it, depending on his schedule. Either way, Josh was confident that his son was receiving excellent care, and a lot of love as well. He wondered what he would have done if Randy hadn't taken him under his wing.
Josh couldn't believe how rapidly the rest of the school year moved along. Not only was he busy with his classroom obligations, but he had his little one to care for when he was home. Needless to say, he had no time to sweat the small stuff.
At Randy's suggestion, he did see a lawyer about how to file papers Jillian had left that renounced her claim on the child. Although his name was on Danny's birth certificate, he wanted to make sure that his ex-wife wouldn't be able to take the boy away from him at some later date if she changed her mind. Josh would rest better when that was taken care of.
School would be over soon, and then Josh could really concentrate on being a dad. Teaching might not be the most rewarding career monetarily, but at least allowed him a big chunk of time in the summer to be with his son.
Around finals week, Josh talked to Randy about giving Evelyn a few months off. She had hinted that she'd like to spend quality time with her sister and her older son in California during the summer.
Offering her the time off would be a kind gesture on their part, especially since she'd graciously bailed Josh out in his hour of need.
Josh might end up with the lion's share of child-care, but he didn't mind the prospect. Joey wasn't difficult to deal with, and Danny seemed very happy to be with him.
Because of Randy's revolving schedule, he didn't always work the same time of day. In an attempt to treat all employees equally, the hospital tried to spread the night duties around. Few people wanted the grave-yard shift, but Randy was considering applying for it on a regular basis. It would guarantee his mother a more stable timetable, and he could count on always being available for his choir activities.
Josh thought it might be nice to have a set calendar in order to spend time with his new friend. They seemed to have a number of things in common which made him feel like they could become close buds. He'd really never had a best friend in his life to that point.
Randy suggested that Josh and he should make a trial run a few days before they told Evelyn of their summer plans. Josh was welcome to stay at his apartment, or he could come over to Josh's house.
Josh favored the latter due to the fact that he had three bedrooms whereas the apartment had only one.
On Sunday afternoon Randy arrived at Josh's house to find his host on the kitchen floor with his head in the dishwasher.
"Um, if you're trying to commit suicide, the oven's a better choice," he joked.
"Not if it's electric!" Josh laughed.
"True. But waterboarding is a terrible way to go, from what I've heard."
"Hey, get serious, Randy, and tell me what to do. This beast isn't getting my dishes clean, and Lord knows I hate to spend the money on a service call, or do them by hand."
"Let me put Joey in the living room with Danny, and I'll see if I can help."
A few minutes later, the men were kneeling on each side of the appliance door with their heads partway inside.
"I think the problem is with the filter. Have you cleaned it lately?"
"I didn't know that you could do that."
"Watch this. A little counterclockwise twist should free it," Randy said as he performed the task.
"Man it looks plugged solid. What is it?"
"It's probably lime buildup. If you have a jug of white vinegar, we can soak it loose without causing any damaging."
"I know there's some in the pantry. My ex was into cleaning with natural products. Does this part come out?"
As they both reached for the flat filter screen, their cheeks came into contact. Josh loved the feeling of Randy's five-o'clock shadow. It gave him goose pimples. He lingered in place a few seconds, and started to turn his lips in that direction before his brain engaged. Then he moved away with a start, banging his head on the inside edge of the dishwasher in the process. He stood up abruptly, checking his temple for swelling.
"Are you okay?" Randy asked with concern.
"Yeah, I'm sorry about everything. I didn't mean..."
Randy got up to stand by Josh and gazed into his eyes. He was pretty sure that he had read the signals correctly. He pulled Josh toward him and planted a gentle kiss on those full lips. Josh's knee-jerk reaction was to pull away because he felt guilty, but then he embraced Randy and kissed him back.
"Oh God, I can't believe this is happening!" Josh gasped.
"It is, and I hope you're not sorry now!" Randy smiled.
"No, I love it!"
"Da-da-da-da" two little boys said in chorus as they crawled into the kitchen side by side.
"Well, it looks like our magical moment has past," Josh said ruefully.
"It's not ended; merely postponed. These guys have to sleep sometime."
"Yeah, but we can't recreate the mood exactly. What could be more romantic than having our heads in a dishwasher?"
Both of them laughed hysterically at Josh's comment. Their merriment was heightened by the excitement of sharing a tender new connection, but more so by the relief in knowing it had been mutually appreciated.
Randy volunteered to warm bottles of formula for the boys while Josh looked for the vinegar to soak the filter. Then they took off their T's, put the infants in their slings, and sat down side by side on the sofa to feed them.
As their bare shoulders touched, Josh could feel warmth spreading through his body from the point of contact. Randy must have experienced a similar reaction, as evidenced by the grin spreading across his face when he turned toward Josh. Their lips met again, this time in a lingering kiss.
"It's probably a good thing you have to go to work by 11:00." Josh sighed. "I might yield to temptation if you didn't."
"And the problem with that is?"
"I'm kinda scared; I'm pretty naïve."
"And you're assuming I'm a man of the world with lots of experience with other guys? I'm not a slut."
"Jeez! I didn't mean to imply that you were easy!"
"I know. I'm teasing, but really, I'm pretty innocent where male sex is concerned, other than jacking off with a couple of buddies in middle school. Anna was the only woman I was ever intimate with. Perhaps if that weren't the case, I might not have married."
"We're so much alike! If I'd have had any sexual experience with a boy or a girl before I dated Jillian, I'd have known myself a lot better and wouldn't have married her."
"Probably neither of us would have married had we known, but we wouldn't have our sons either. Maybe this was how things were supposed to be. I've never been strong on the doctrine of predestination, but I wonder sometimes."
"Now that the boys are fed, are you hungry?" Josh asked.
"Yeah, but more for you than for food," he grinned.
"Seriously, you really need to eat in order to survive your long shift."
"You're right, and I shouldn't make suggestive remarks. I know you want to take it slowly. I suppose I do too..."
"If you don't mind eating a bit late, I have a meatloaf made up that will take about an hour and a quarter to bake. We could spend the time getting better acquainted."
Naturally, the little ones weren't sleepy when their fathers would have enjoyed spending time together with no distractions. At least they were content to crawl around on the floor while their dads sat on the sofa holding hands and talking.
"I'm so glad you feel about me the way I feel about you," Randy said. "I was afraid it was all one-sided on my part."
"It's funny, but not surprising, that I had similar thoughts. What made you realize that I might be, um, open to another guy? Do I have an aura of `gayness' about me?"
"It was my mom, actually, who first said it out loud."
"Evelyn figured me out?"
"It was more like she figured both of us out. She said that we looked at each other like people do when they have a crush on someone. She mentioned that being married to a woman wasn't a good fit for me, and she suspected it wasn't right for you either, given how quickly your marriage fell apart.
"She said you were an extremely nice man, and that she thought you were interested in me, just as she could tell I was interested in you. I was shocked! I hedged a bit, but she said mothers can sense these things. Finally, I admitted that I'm bisexual, and possibly gay, but I said I didn't think you were.
"Her suggestion was to keep my eyes open and look for the little signs she'd noticed. I've been doing that, and this afternoon, when our cheeks touched, it was like a bolt of electricity. I knew by your reaction, that you felt it too. So I kissed you, and Mom was right."
"I'm so glad you did!" Josh exclaimed, as he nibbled on Randy's right earlobe.
"If you keep that up, I'll have a hard time forcing myself to go to work tonight. I can't afford to call in sick lest I need to do that to take care of Joey sometime."
Randy loved Josh's meatloaf. He was even more pleased when he found out that Josh made it healthier by using oatmeal instead of bread crumbs to reduce the carbs.
Around 10:00, they fed the boys one last time before changing their diapers and putting them down for the night. After their time of becoming closer, Josh felt lonesome when Randy departed for his shift. He did a few things around the house, took a shower, and went to bed.
Author's notes: Thanks for the warm reception of this new tale. I heard from a whole bunch of you! The list includes: John L, John M, Bill T, Steve C, Jack W, JCH, Don MacK, Jeremy R, Al B, Charles G, Bill K, GC, Dick W, Skip M, Joe W, Geoff S, Gordon, Les H, Dick L, Dan L, Micha C, Hotrod, Walt Sz, Jae B, Tom S, Mendy D, Tony F, Wayne, JLF, Avid R, Bill DeW, Randy McM, Tom A, Jim M, Jeffery E, Bill R, and Ott H.
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David