What I See

Disclaimer

If you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please do not read on. If you couldn't accept themes of homosexuality and the like, please don't read on. This is a story concerning gay males having intimate relationships and is considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and contents. BUT if you really like this stuff, please don't tell others.

Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or in simpler terms, it's not true!!! Even if this story involves NSYNC, a real, successful American singing group, and a fictitious character, all that happens in here is fictional... again, it's not true. If there are instances that it is similar to what happened in the real world, it doesn't mean that it's really true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, as far as the I and the world know, they're straight as an arrow so I dunno if they're gay (but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of speech and my love for these guys and slash fiction. I don't own or know NSYNC personally. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's true... hehehehe...

First Words

Hi guys. This is my 3rd work here in the boyband section of the Nifty Archives. I dunno why I called it "What I See" but I just ran out of ideas for a title and thought of something simple. So the title, What I See was born giggle. I dunno if I can manage my 3 stories at the same time but Crossed Paths is in its "season break" and Reformation is still there. But I'll really try my best to update all my stories. Remember, I love feedbacks.

Mail me at yr_ry_@hotmail.com!!!

What I See Chapter 9

We were still in Dee's club but we aren't eating anymore coz we've finished that minutes ago. I tried to get to know them all with bits of questions that I asked and how they acted with the others. Justin ignored me the rest of the time we were chatting. It was like I didn't exist there. Still, I must say that they are an amazing bunch of people. I feel so honored in ever meeting them personally and knowing them that most don't know. All we were doing was just just enjoying each others company, especially Wade and Paul who even excused themselves to a separate booth to get to know each other better. All of us looked at them and gossiped about them through whispers and eye movements. "$20 that Wade and Paul are gonna be boyfriends." I wagered JC knowing that it's already gonna happen sooner or later from what we were seeing from the two.

"That's unfair! I think they're in the thin line already between friends and boyfriends." Josh told me which I just grinned at. Busted. "$50 that they're gonna have sex tonight." JC added with a grin.

"$50 for tomorrow." I countered. JC nodded and we shook each others hand closing our little deal.

"Bad move." Dee commented to Josh who looked confused. "We have this pact that we don't sleep with anyone on the first date." I just grinned at JC.

"But Kyle and I did." Josh mumbled.

"I wasn't part of it because it was their life plan to get me laid." I told JC who just pouted and handed to me a crisp $50 bill. I took it and placed it in my pocket with a grin on my face. When I looked at the other guys, they were smiling. "What?" I asked confused.

"Nothing." Chris, Joey and Lance said at the same time.

"You guys are really beginning to creep me out." I told them with a chuckle. "What are you upto for the rest of the day?" I asked them.

"I dunno. I'll prolly wrap up things for Fuman so I won't be that bothered in tour." Chris answered. The tour. The dreaded tour. Chris pulled out his cell phone and pressed something. The next thing was that he was chatting away about designs.

"I'm thinkin' clubbing." Lance said.

"You are in a club." Joey commented slyly. Lance just rolled his eyes.

"Kyle, can you help me with this bug in the computer in my office." Dee said to me. I know that she wants to REALLY talk to me. And I know who's it about... Justin. I subtly looked at Justin but he was animately talking with Joey about something that I really don't care about. I stood up and gave JC a peck and left with Dee for her office.

"I see you've been talking with Justin." I whispered to her once we were a little bit far already from the guys. Dee just looked at me and frowned a little bit.

"I think he's hung up with you." Dee told me that caught me a little off gard. The great Timberlake, hung up with me???

"What did he say?" I asked. I was itching already about it earlier when I saw them whispering at each other. I dunno how close the two were because it just didn't come up.

"I think he's ego was bruised. He still can't believe you dumped him over JC." Dee told me a smile. "And he can't stand the sight of you two being lovey dovey."

"I can understand that. But I explained to him that I just can't find the connection with him. I know that we can be great friends but Justin, my boyfriend? Please! We just can't mesh together like me and Josh." I said. We reached her office. "Any advice on what I'm gonna do?" I asked her knowing that she's gonna say something.

"Talk to him." Dee answered.

"Done that. He loathes me." I told Dee.

"Just try and reach out to him. You know that he's a stubborn prick." Dee said as she booted up the computer. "I really want you to fix up a bug in the computer." She grinned at me. And I thought that I won't touch another computer for this week. I guess I'm wrong.

Well, it was a simple one so it only took me a few minutes to fix everything up. After that, we left the office and returned to the guys who were laughing about something that we prolly missed when we left. It was a good sight. It just showed how close these guys are. "Anything we missed?" Dee said enthusiastically.

"Nothin." Chris said and they laughed again. Now, I have this gut feeling that it's about us. I looked at Dee and raised my eyebrow. She just shrugged and I returned to my seat beside Josh.

"What are we gonna do today?" I asked JC.

"How about we just spend it with our selves. I mean this would be like the last two days we're gonna be together." JC said and those words made me heart shatter. "That didn't come out right, huh?" JC asked with a weak smile. I returned the smile.

"It's okay I know what you mean." I told him trying to put up a strong front. If that's what he wanted, then so be it. I don't wanna force myself to him knowing that he's gonna be going across the country for a few months. Who am I to him? I'm just a nobody and he's Mr. Pop Star who can have anything that he wanted. I mean, people are actually throwing themselves to them and I know that they are better than me; much better than me.

"I told you that I love you Kyle. We'll try to survive this. I know we can." JC gripped my hand for emphasis. I looked at his eyes looking for the sincerity that I was searching and I saw that in those blue spheres.

"Sure." I said a little bit hesitantly.

"Guys, Kyle and I are going now. See you Sunday." JC said and after a few good byes, he finally dragged me out of the club. The two of us walked to my car with me left with my own thoughts. Can we really survive a long distance relationship? Realistically speaking, long distance relationships just don't work! I hope he's right earlier.

The drive to his house was very quiet. I mean it's not even comfortable, it was a little awkward. I don't know why but only the hum of the engine could be heard and we didn't dare speak to each other. I parked my car and shut off the engine but the two of us didn't move. We just stayed glued in our seats. "We really should talk about this seriously." JC told me breaking the silence.

"I know." I said.

"Do you want this relationship to work? Coz I damn want this! Kyle, I love you with all my heart and I'm 100% sure. I've fallen in love twice in my life and those don't compare with what I am feeling with you right now. I feel complete when I am with you." JC said as his eyes began to tear up. I looked at his face. It was a little out of place but I just noticed how big his nose was. I don't know why it entered my mind but that's what I was thinking.

"Josh, I want this to work too. All I'm thinking about is you. I don't want you to hold back when you're on tour. Maybe you'll see someone out there and you were really meant for..." JC placed his hand on my mouth stopping me from continuing.

"You're not holding me back Kyle. I know that there are lots of people that you think are better than you but for me, you're the best. I am for you." JC said to me. I just can't help to feel so touched with what he said. I guess it was the best compliment I have ever received in my whole life.

Then, my phone rang. Talking about ruining the mood. I groaned a little and took the cell phone out of my pocket. "You should really change your ringing tone." JC said to me shaking his head. It was still Drowning of the Backstreet Boys. I just rolled my eyes. The two of us stepped out of the car. I looked at the caller ID. it was Ken.

"Yes Kenny?" I answered the phone.

"Damn caller ID!" Ken said. "Anyway, I called your office earlier and they said that you're having a break. So you two still together?" Ken said suggestively.

"With who?" I asked back.

"Kyle Sanders! You're not updating me with your life anymore." I can see Ken pouting already. "And I thought that you weren't dating except those ghastly ones that your sister and brother set you up with." Ken laughed. See, I told you those two set me up with awful dates.

"Well, the Justin thing didn't work out." I told him. "But now, I have a boyfriend and with a great ass." I said with a grin while looking at the butt of JC as he walked. Amazing scene. He looked at me and smiled.

"Boyfriend? You?" Ken shouted. I have to pull the phone away from my ear to not go deaf. Once he has calmed down. "Name." He said plainly.

"Josh." I said like I was in a dream state.

"Nice name and a better one than Justin." He giggled like a schoolgirl. "Kyle, I have to meet this guy who has stolen my bestfriend's heart." Kenny demanded.

"You wanna talk with him?" I asked. JC looked at me quizzically while Ken was squealing 'yes'. I handed the phone to JC. Man, JC has talked to Dee, Paul and now Ken. The next thing I know he's having a chat with my parents. "Ken, the bestfriend I was talking about." I said to him and he placed it to his ears.

"Hello?" He answered. I left him to Ken knowing that they would click up immediately. Ken is really just a people person. I went straight to the den and plopped down to the sofa turning the television on to watch something. MTV. And guess what's playing... Girlfriend. I just have to cringe when I hear this song. I really really hate it. Girlfriend. Eeew. I immediately switched the channels and surfed it for a while looking for something worthwhile. I ended up watching a black and white comedy. I picked up Pookie who was so excited to see me, and JC. I just toyed with her cute ears and stroke her.

"I like him. Very bubbly. He reminds me of Jack from Will and Grace." JC said handing the phone back to me. I looked at the screen if he was still there but he wasn't. "He's so like Britney." JC sat beside me placing his head on my lap. My hands unconsciously went to his head and stroked his long brown wavy hair.

"Too much sometimes." I chuckled. "What are we gonna do now?" I asked him.

"Can we just be like this?" JC sighed.

"I wish." I answered. This is the life that I dream of. Something very laid back and peaceful with no worries. I know it's a little bit boring but who wants a very active life? I mean look at JC. I know that he loves to perform but he has this moments that he's getting tired already.

"Why don't we just take a nap?" JC suggested with a grin.

"Sure Mr. Sleepy." I said with a smile at him pulling him up from the couch. I am an NSYNC fan. That's my only defense. The two of us walked to his room with our arms wrapped around each other's waist. It seemed so perfect but I know that it's just until Sunday. After Sunday, the future is pretty much uncertain.

The two of laid on the bed spooning together. With JC's head on laying on my chest, I was unable to move a lot fearing that I might disturb his sleep. I wasn't sleepy at all. It just gave me time to reflect with what I have. What do I have? A relationship until Sunday? But he did say that he wanted this to work. I hope it does. I dunno how long I kept staring at the white ceiling of JC's room, but I wasn't keeping tabs on it. Soon, I fell asleep.

When I woke up, the room was dark. I couldn't feel the weight lying on my chest anymore. When I groped in the darkness, I found out that I was alone in bed. JC wasn't there anymore. Maybe he woke up before and left me to sleep. I walked out of the room trying to hear if there's any sound from any part of the house. There was none. It was all too silent.

I went downstairs to start looking for JC. I checked the kitchen. Lounge room. Everywhere. JC wasn't there. Where on earth did JC go? I returned upstairs to examine the other rooms of his house. I walked to the so-called "music room" thinking that he might be writing something. I opened the door slowly and there was light coming from within. Maybe he's really here.

I opened the door and JC was really there. He was sitted on keyboard set tinkering with it. I can't hear any sound because he was using earphones. I just stood there by the door watching JC bob his head from time to time and writing at a leather covered notebook. I think that's his 'music notebook' or something. He was so lost in what he was doing. I guess he's really passionate about it. I dunno if I can compare myself being lost in the sites I make because in my case, I use logic more than creativity. It's quite mechanical. But here, it's pure creativity. He creates music. It doesn't come from the brain, but from the heart.

I dunno how long I've been standing but it was okay for me. He looks so cute being focused. After a while, he stopped everything he was doing and then he looked at me. "Your awake! Been there for a while?" He asked removing the earphones from his ears. I walked to where he was sitting.

"I dunno. I don't wanna disturb you when you write your stuff." I said as I stood in front of him. "And you look too cute to be disturbed." I added with a sly smile. All JC did was smile back to me pulling me to his lap. "This is nice." I commented giggling as I bounced a little on his lap. It was a little soft yet hard.

"Hey! Something might pop up there." JC told me with a grin. "You wanna eat? It's 8 already." JC asked. I nodded and the two of us went downstairs looking for something to cook up as fast as possible. I was really hungry.

He still has chicken so I just fried it. While I cooked, Josh was setting the table. It was like we were already a married couple. We did together and we know just what to do. After a few minutes, I placed the chicken and rice on the table.

"Are you excited with the tour?" I asked suddenly. I dunno why I asked that because I was deliberately blocking the idea of him going to tour from my mind.

"Very! Touring is really fun!" JC answered enthusiastically and I just offered him a weak smile. Really fun for you but it would be miserable for me. "But it wouldn't be the same coz I'm not with you." JC added. I don't know how to react. I want to be flattered because of the compliment but I can't. I just feel a little numb that I can't feel anything.

"Same thing." I stated.

"Kyle, I know this would be very difficult for us. But I really want this relationship to work. You're different Kyle. I feel different when I'm with you. It's like there is a sense of completeness that sometimes it's overwhelming." JC said. I looked at him. No, I stared at him weighing what I was feeling inside. Is it really worth it?

"I feel the same thing too Josh. But I guess I'm just afraid." I mumbled. "This is the first time that I have this very serious relationship and being separated from you is really not helping. I don't know how to act and how to think and that scares the hell out of me." I explained to him.

"I'm afraid too Kyle." JC told me. "Remember that I just came out a few weeks ago and I met you. This is all new to me as well. And the fact that I have to hide from the world worries me alot. I dunno if you can stand this. I know that you're an open guy and having a closet case as a boyfriend seems to be hard on you."

"Josh, you know that I love you and I understand. You don't have to explain that part, when I agreed to be your boyfriend, I already accepted all that is going to happen - all the hiding, the denials, and the separation. I just can't help to be sad and scared." I said to him squeezing his hand emphasizing my point.

"We'll work this out." Josh said. I know that the two of us would really try our best to make this relationship. We are ready to make sacrifices just for us to remain a couple but I'm not just worried about that. I'm also worried about the outside factors. We could have work everything out but it would be really straining and stressful.

This would be really a hell of a ride.

---------------- End of Chapter

This is my 9th chapter. And a big big big sorry for the delay. I thought that I can squeeze in the writing during my review of my finals but it took so much of my time. Well, my classes officially ended last Thursday so I can put out better and longer chapters in the coming weeks. I'll try to update my other stories as well and Crossed Paths is gonna be updated. :-)

The drama is gonna start. So, be ready.

Thanks to ALL of you who have taken the time and MAILED me! I truly appreciate it very much. A big, big shout to my Danish pals, Chris and Danny, I hope you always be in love forever coz you compliment each other. You two are made for each other! :-)

PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line okay? BTW, I have AIM so if you have the time, let's have a lil chat... my screen name is.... pseud0ry. 0 is a zero. and I have yahoo messenger too! use pseud0_nym. So if you wanna give me a shout, then do it. Also, I'm usually in the boyband chatroom.

Addie is: yr_ry_@hotmail.com

EMAIL me.

A big 'HI' to the people in the Nifty Boyband Chatroom and CRAZY!!! They are so nice, especially Wes, Dru, CJ, Duckie, Strat, Clive, Jayson... and the list goes on. Wanna say hi to my friend Byron who have helped me with his support and his friendship! Stay strong in your relationship! Finally, a big big 'thank you' to David who maintains the Nifty archives, without him, we won't be reading any of the best slash fics in the world!

Also, here are my suggestions of other cool stories in the archive that influenced me in my craft.

• Brian and Justin (Brian/Justin)

• The One (Brian/Justin)

• Jamie's Romance (Justin)

• Love Thru Chat (JC/Justin, Lance)

• Josh and Just (JC/Justin)

• Lance in Shining Armour (Lance)

• My New Life (Lance)

• Because I Love You (Brian/Nick)

• Double Take (Brian/Nick)

• Bad Boy B-Rok (Brian)

• Justin's Dark Angel (Justin)

• My Surprise Romance (Lance)

• Heir to the Darkness (Brian/Nick)

• Life with Justin (Justin)

• Kevin and Dustin (Kevin)

• French Kiss Me (Brian)

• Millennium Love (Brian)

• Forever (Kevin)

• JC's Hitchhiker (JC)

• Get Another Boyfriend (Kevin)

• Jimmy Needs Assistance (Lance)

• Lance, JC and an Astral Fan (Lance/JC)

• Lance's Search (Lance/JC)

• Heir to the Darkness (Nick/Brian)

• JC Dreams (JC)

• On the Streets (Kevin)

• Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien (Justin)

• Insecurities (Nick)

• Chance Meeting (Justin)

• My Soulmate JC (JC)

• Brian and Tommy (Brian)