The legal stuff: This story is sexually-explicit, involving homosexuality. Do not continue if this will offend you. If accessing this story causes you to break local laws (village, town, city, county, province, state, or country, etc.), please leave now. By continuing, you implicitly declare and affirm under penalties of perjury that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor and are entitled to have access to sexually-explicit material. The content and opinions expressed in this story do not imply anything with regards to the sexual preference of any member of 98 Degrees or any other celebrities named herein. It is a work of fiction entirely.
Here, everyone! Thanks for reading. I've gotten some nice feedback. Thank you to everyone who has written. I hope you enjoy the story and I hope it's not too predictable.
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Thack
Scene 14
A full week had passed since Jeff and I settled things. I didn't talk much to the guys. I was busy trying to get caught up on all the work I missed while I was in the hospital. The guys were also busy. They were in the studio working on the new album. They worked mostly at night so I really didn't have a chance to see any of them.
Nick and Jeff were both pretty good about checking up on me. I think they were concerned that I was going to lose it, but things were going pretty well. I hadn't told Jeff that I was interested in being set up on a date. I was kind of hoping that he would let it drop.
I had been avoiding all contact with Drew, but Justin was another story. He was going out of his way to make me feel comfortable around the guys. I suspected that Nick or Jeff had filled him in on at part of the story, but I never found that out for certain.
Even though I protested, the guys somehow convinced me to take them to the Mall of America. It was their last weekend in town, so there weren't too concerned with drawing attention to themselves. It was funny because after that first day I saw Nick in the gym, I had almost forgotten that they were world-famous recording artists.
They all decided on Saturday afternoon to go to the Mall. That really was the absolute worst time to go, but they were being stubborn. I couldn't really blame them, though. I couldn't imagine not being able to go where I wanted because of what I did for a living.
At about three o'clock, I drove onto the porte cochere at the hotel to pick up the guys. Apparently Jeff had called shotgun in the elevator, so he climbed in next to me. The brothers and Justin crowded into the back seat of my decrypted 1992 Cherokee.
The drive out to the Mall from Downtown Minneapolis only takes about twenty minutes. Drew and Nick were talking about something, annoying Justin who was stuck in the middle between the two. Jeff was content with looking out the window as the city flew by. Once I got onto the highway, I switched on the CD player, forgetting which disc I had in.
"Bye, Bye, Bye" from *NSync came blasting out of the speakers.
"Shit!" I said as I reached for the off switch.
Jeff pushed my hand away and started singing along. The entire backseat erupted in laughter. After a couple of lines, Jeff stopped and merely turned the volume down.
"I'm offended," Nick said, still laughing.
"I'm so sorry," I said, really thinking I had hurt their feelings.
"Chill, my man," Justin said, looking at me in the rear-view mirror. "It's cool. We know the guys."
"They really are talented," Jeff added. "I like a lot of their tunes."
"Actually," Drew said, "our cousin Matt and JC are really good friends."
"How did that happen?" I asked.
"It's kind of a long story," Drew said, glancing at Nick. "JC was in a car accident awhile back and he ended up at the hospital where Matt works."
"You know," Jeff smiled, "You and Matt would be good together."
I heard Nick chuckle. Then he reached out and playfully slapped Jeff on the side of his head.
"What was that for?"
"You know exactly what that was for, big man."
I was dying of curiosity about Matt about I didn't have time to ask anything because we had made it to the Mall. I could tell it was going to be packed judging on the traffic. I rarely went to the Mall; it was just too big to do any real shopping. Driving into the parking ramp, turned at the Hawaii sign. Each level of the structure is named after a different state. I'm not sure if the pneumonic device helped anyone find their car, but it certainly never feels like you're in Hawaii come winter.
Once I parked, we walked together into the Mall. I was a little surprised to hear that they had only been at the Mall once. Even though they had been there before, I could tell they were still a bit awe-struck once we got the rotunda. From that vantage point, you can look out over the four levels of shops and restaurants and also see into the amusement park that covers the center of the Mall. It's my fear that Minnesota will be forever known for this bastion of capitalism.
Everyone thought it best that we split up for awhile and then meet for dinner. I suggested the California Caf‚, mostly because it is the best restaurant in the Mall. Jeff and Nick paired up and I assumed I would be heading off with them.
"You're with me today," Justin said as he gently pulled my arm.
I looked over at Jeff, hoping he would contradict Justin but he just nodded and he and Nick headed off the opposite direction.
I looked over a Drew, who clearly wasn't excited to be spending time with me. I just sighed and started walking with Drew and Justin.
"You'll be fine," Justin said quietly, so only I could hear. I hoped he was right.
Scene 15
Justin, Drew, and I started wandering through the Mall. Justin told me they were in "disguise" mode. Drew was wearing a t-shirt, light blue sweater with jeans, and his trademark cap. Justin was wearing a gray button-down shirt, sunglasses, and a pair of leather pants. Maybe that was a disguise in LA or New York, but they stuck out like a sore thumb here in Minnesota. I noticed quite a few people who stopped and stared. Fortunately, however, no one approached us.
We ended up at the men's department at Macys. After looking around for a couple of minutes, I asked, "Are you guys looking for anything in particular? I don't come here that often but I have a pretty good idea of what's in the Mall."
"No," Justin responded. "Although I'm always up for some cool new threads."
"Hah!" I laughed. "You're in Minnesota, not Milan. If that's how you dress when you are trying to disguise yourself, I'd hate to see you trying to attract attention."
"What?" he said, somewhat defensively. "Doesn't everyone have leather pants?"
"I do," Drew volunteered.
I smiled and shook my head. I had to admit the pants looked pretty cool.
"Guys, I'll be right back," Drew said as he ducked into the bathroom in the Levi's department.
I took the opportunity to corner Justin. "Okay, spill. Why am I here with him?" I gestured towards the bathroom.
"What?"
"Don't play dumb with me, Justin. You know what's going on between me and him."
"Actually," he said, "I don't really. All I know is that you guys had a fight last week. He wouldn't tell me why. He said he wants to fix what he screwed up. So Jeff and I figured."
"I should have known Jeff was involved in this," I interrupted.
I contemplated telling Justin what Drew and I fought about. I decided, however, that if Drew didn't tell Justin, he probably wouldn't want me to tell him either. Escalating the fight would only make the day even more uncomfortable. Besides, I saw Drew coming out of the bathroom.
I quickly told Justin, "Please don't leave me alone with him."
Justin playfully socked me in the arm. "I won't leave you hanging."
After we left Macys, we wandered around for a while, stopping at various stores. I was content just watching them. We went into stores I'd never been in before, mostly because they were places I couldn't afford to buy anything. I about passed out when Justin made me try on an $895 sport coat at the Armani store. I got the distinct impression that a nine hundred dollar coat was not a big deal to either Justin or Drew.
Our last stop before heading to meet Jeff and Nick for dinner was at a store called the Lava Lounge. Both Justin and Drew were impressed at the hip clothes in the store. Honesty, I was a little surprised to find that kind of place at the Mall.
"Hey, Justin." Drew called out. "This place reminds me of that place on Melrose."
I assumed he meant Melrose Avenue in LA but I wasn't about to show my naivet‚ by asking.
"Yeah, it does," Justin called back from across the store. "Whoa! Come to daddy."
I looked over and noticed Justin holding up a pair of black leather pants much like his own. He was motioning me over.
"You," he said as he was handing me the pants, "are going to go try these on."
"Justin, that's not really my style."
"I don't care," he laughed. "Go!"
I walked over to the sales girl and asked if I could try the pants on.
"Is that who I think it is?" she asked as she let me in the changing room.
"Yeah, it is," I said. "Listen, do you have time to help me out with something?"
She laughed as I explained my plan. After I got in the dressing room, I slid on the leather pants. They were actually a lot more comfortable than I thought they would be. For a second I thought about buying them. That is, until I saw the price tag of $315. "Oh well," I thought, "I guess I'll never be hip."
Knowing I would have to model the pants for Justin, I walked out onto the sales floor. I saw Justin and Drew standing together. I glanced over at Laura, my newfound co- conspirator and gave her the signal.
"Looking pretty suave there senator?"
I burst out into laughter. "Do you always talk that way?"
Before he could answer, Laura came running over.
"Oh my God!" she nearly screamed. "I love you guys. I can't believe you are in my store. I can't wait to tell all my friends."
Drew and Justin both smiled. I think they were a little relieved someone finally recognized them.
"I just love your new single!" Laura was a much better actress than I thought she'd be.
I glanced Justin and saw a confused look on his face. We all knew that the guys did not have a single out.
Laura took me off guard when she started singing the chorus of "Bye, Bye, Bye". She punctuated her vocals with a little bit of the dance moves from the video.
"JC, Joey," she continued. "Can I please have your autographs?"
Both Justin and Drew stood there stunned. I don't think either of them knew what to do.
"No, I think you have us confused with." Drew started.
I couldn't let this drag on too much longer so I decided to let them off the hook.
"No," I said, addressing Laura. "That's not Joey, that's Chris." I pointed at Justin and then proceeded to lose myself in laughter.
Laura started laughing, too. I think Justin figured it out first.
"If Nick hadn't put you in the hospital already, I'd do it right now," he said through his own laughter.
After we all had calmed down, Drew and Justin took some time to talk to Laura, who was genuinely excited to meet half of 98 Degrees. As I came out of the dressing room, Justin was buying a very bright, very yellow metallic shirt.
I glanced at my watch and decided we needed to get moving if we were going to meet Nick and Jeff on time.
We had just left the store when Justin stopped dead in his tracks. "Sorry, guys. I think I left my credit card back there."
"I'll go with you," I said as he turned to go.
"No, I'll be right back."
I turned and looked at Drew, who must have known that I didn't want to be alone with him.
"Can we talk?" he asked.
"I don't think we have anything to talk about."
"Please," he pleaded.
I had been thinking about what I was going to say to Drew if I ever got the chance. In actuality, I thought we had plenty to talk about but I wasn't sure I wanted to get into another fight with him.
"Please," he said again.
I took a deep breath and launched into the speech I had prepared.
"Look," I began. "I'm sorry if you're uncomfortable being around me. It's obvious that you have a problem with the fact that I'm gay. It's taken me nearly all my life for me to feel good about who I am. For the longest time, I let guys like you push me around and it's not going to happen any more. I've been through enough shit in my life and I refuse to do it anymore."
"But, wait," Drew interrupted.
"No!" I practically shouted. Suddenly I realized that the Mall of America wasn't the best location to be having that conversation, but I couldn't stop myself. I lowered my voice to avoid any additional attention from the several people looking at us. "You need to take a lesson from your brother and from Jeff. Justin also seems to be okay with who I am. You know," I said, "I almost didn't come out to your brother because I assumed he would react the same way you did. Thank God he's nothing like you."
I regretted what I had said immediately after it came out of my mouth. I hadn't been looking at him, instead focusing on shopping bag he had been holding. I finally got the nerve to look up at him. He was staring right at me and I saw the tears forming in his eyes. The sight made me take a sharp breath in. I don't know if I'd ever hurt someone so badly with my words before.
I almost apologized. Suddenly, I remembered how it was to be in his position. So many people had hurt me so many times in the past with only their words. The derogatory phrases hurled at me and the foul names I'd been called all flooded back to my memory. I stood my ground. I hated making him feel that way, but I hoped that my anger would help him examine the way he treated me.
He just stood there, staring at me. He finally blinked and the tears started flowing down his cheeks.
"You don't understand," he whispered. "You don't understand me."
He stood, motionless, seemingly wanting me to say or do something. I couldn't do either.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Justin approaching. Drew turned and walked away. By the time Justin caught up to us, Drew had dried his tears. No one spoke as we walked to the restaurant to meet Nick and Jeff.
Scene 16
Justin had figured out that something had happened between Drew and I in the few minutes he was gone but neither of us was about to explain. Wisely, he just let it go. We all walked in relative silence across the Mall to meet Nick and Jeff. By the time we got there, I was feeling at least a little bit better. The anger I was feeling had subsided and I honestly hoped Drew was feeling better.
We arrived at the restaurant about ten minutes late. I saw Nick and Jeff at the bar, each with a mug of beer. Jeff waved us over.
"Hey, guys. Looks like the people at Visa will be happy," Nick said, pointing at the bags Justin and Drew were carrying.
"Nothing for you?" Jeff asked me.
"No. I can come here whenever I want, remember? Besides," I said, "Heckle and Jeckle here only wanted to go in the ritzy stores. I'm not a pop star so I can't go around spending money like it's water. You saw the pathetic Jeep I drive."
"Well, then," Jeff said. "Dinner's on me then."
"Damn straight! Especially after I played chauffeur, too."
Just then, the hostess came over and told us our table was ready. The restaurant had seating "indoor" and "outdoor". The "outdoor" seating consisted of a patio that overlooked the Camp Snoopy amusement park that sits in the center of the Mall. It's not really outside and you have to contend with the people screaming on the roller coaster so it's not that nice. Fortunately, the guys choose to sit inside.
As everyone began to follow the hostess, I grabbed Jeff's arm, nearly spilling the beer he was carrying.
"Hey!"
"Sorry," I said. "I just wanted to tell you something."
"What is it?"
"We had another fight."
"Oh," he frowned. "In front of Justin?"
"No. This time was worse, though."
"Really? He told me he wanted to fix everything."
"Well, I didn't give him the chance," I said. "And don't think I'm not pissed at you and Justin for putting me in that situation."
"I'm sorry. I thought it was the right thing to do. Let's just go eat and try to forget about it, okay?"
"Okay," I said as we walked the direction the other guys had gone.
We found the guys and I saw that Justin was sitting at the head of the table. Nick and Drew were sitting at one side, leaving two empty chairs for Jeff and me. Jeff sat down, leaving the one vacant chair for me. Unfortunately, it was right across from Drew. I sat down and looked at him. He glanced over at Jeff and then tried to smile at me. It was awkward, to say the least.
After the argument I had with Drew, I wasn't in the mood to eat. Whenever I get stressed, my appetite disappears. I glanced over the menu and realized it had been quite awhile since I had been to the restaurant. The menu looked different but I managed to decide on a house salad and a wood-fired pizza. Everyone else was studying the choices intently.
"Do I like gazpacho?" Jeff said out loud.
I looked at him with disbelief. I wasn't sure whom he was asking but I sure hoped it wasn't me.
"No," Nick said without looking up from his menu.
"Thanks," Jeff answered back.
That interaction brought a smile to my face. It was almost like Jeff and Nick were married. All four guys practically live together, so I imagine they know a lot about each other.
The waiter came over and took our orders. Both Nick and Drew ordered pasta dishes. Justin, who said he was starving after spending all that money, opted for a steak. Jeff, like myself, ordered a pizza and salad. Before the waiter left, Nick ordered a bottle of wine for the table.
My mind started wandering and I didn't realize the waiter was asking me a question.
"Sir, would you care for wine this evening?"
"No, thank you," I said.
"Are you sure?" Drew asked.
"I said 'no', Drew."
"Why, not? We're all having some."
I felt the anger well up inside me. I knew he was only trying to be polite. There's no way he could have known about my alcoholism. I tried to let it go.
"No!" I said sternly.
I could feel Justin, Nick, and especially Jeff looking at me but I was focused on Drew. Drew didn't speak as he slowly looked down at his glass of wine.
Sensing the tension at the table, Justin spoke. "So," he said, addressing Nick and Jeff, "what did you two do this afternoon?"
"Genius over there wanted to buy his girlfriends' new single so we hit Sam Goody," Jeff said, with just a hint of sarcasm.
"What?" Nick said. It was a rather weak comeback.
"And we got recognized," Jeff continued. "We ended up getting cornered in the Pop/Rock section of the store."
"It wasn't that bad," Nick said.
"If you don't mind spending an hour and a half signing autographs."
"Sounds like we got off easy," Justin said to Drew.
"It was kind of fun," Jeff admitted. "I like doing that more than those meet and greets our record company has us do. This was cool because no one was expecting it. The fans really enjoyed it."
"Nick, why didn't you just ask Jess for a copy?" Drew asked.
"I promised her I'd buy it," he replied, shrugging his shoulders.
"Nick," I said, "you're really dating Jessica Simpson?"
"Yes. Is that hard to believe?"
"No, of course not. It's just that I try not to put much faith in the tabloid media. You never know if the story is true."
"It's true," Justin said. "Although there are times I wish he were still single. He never shuts up about her."
Nick gave Justin an evil look but Justin just laughed.
"I just mean that if she were around more, we wouldn't have to listen to you complaining about how much you miss her."
"I do miss her," Nick said simply.
"So, what is she like?" I asked.
"I don't know," he said. "She's just Jess. I've never met anyone like her."
"Do you love her?"
After I asked the question I started to think I had overstepped the boundary by asking a question a little too personal. Nick, however, didn't seem to feel that way.
"Yes, Alex. More than I can explain."
For a moment it felt like it was just he and I talking.
"Can you try to explain?"
He took a deep breath and paused to try to come up with the words. His right hand slowly traced the rim of his wine glass.
"Before I met her," Nick began, "I had thought I had been in love a couple of times. The women I was with were great, but for whatever reason, it just didn't work out. It was all part of the plan, though, because I never would have been as happy with any of them as I am with Jessica." He smiled and looked right into my eyes. "When I kissed her for the first time, everything changed. I never knew you could feel like that from just a kiss. I feel that way every time. Now, all those love ballads we sing make sense to me."
"I think I'm going to hurl," Jeff deadpanned.
"Shut up!" I said as I elbowed him in the ribs.
"Ouch!"
"What about you, tough guy? I've heard you say some pretty mushy things before," Nick challenged.
"Okay. Okay." Jeff laughed. "I know I've been there, too. Maybe not the point where you are, but I understand about the kiss. When it's right, it's magical."
Suddenly, all I could think about was that afternoon I almost kissed Jeff. I was so close to understanding what Nick and Jeff were talking about. I felt my stomach drop.
"Maybe it will never happen to me," I thought.
"I remember my first kiss. The first real one, anyway." Drew's words were the first ones he'd spoken since he asked about the wine. "It was Lea, back in high school. I was so shy back then. Nick, I don't think you realized just how scared I was, always being in your shadow. I was always 'Nick's little brother' or 'Little Lachey'. I hated that."
"You never told me that," Nick responded.
"It's not like you could have done anything about it. But Lea was the first person that saw me for me. Because I was so shy, though, she had to take the lead. She kissed me out by the football field, in the snow."
I looked around the table and saw each of the guys lost in thought, obviously reliving their first kiss. I could only sit there, feeling empty.
"Alex?" Drew was talking to me. "What was your first kiss like?"
I felt trapped. I couldn't exactly tell him the truth. I didn't need Drew having any information that he could use against me. If Drew and Justin weren't there, I probably would have told Jeff and Nick. I might have even told Justin that I'd never kissed another man before; but I would never tell Drew that. Judging by the way he'd treated up until that point, he probably would have laughed at me.
I felt the anger boiling up within. This was my home, after all, and here he was making me feel so worthless. He knew exactly which buttons to push to get me to abandon all the work I'd done to improve my self-esteem. I was about to explode and it wasn't going to be pretty.
I sat there, staring at him across the table from me. As I was about to speak I felt Jeff's hand come to rest on my leg, just above my knee. He squeezed my thigh gently.
"Drew," Jeff said, "maybe Alex doesn't want to discuss that here."
"I was only trying to." he responded.
"Drew!" Jeff said, almost sounding like a father figure.
"Sorry," he said sheepishly.
I couldn't tell if Drew was apologizing to me or to Jeff.
"I'll be right back," I said, about to stand up to go to the bathroom to clear my head.
Jeff squeezed my leg one more time. "Give him time," he whispered. "He's trying."
I got up and headed to the bathroom, trying to forget that the entire afternoon had even happened. By the time I got back to the table, the food was arriving. The guys were taking about business, most likely thinking that talking music wouldn't upset me. I was content to eat and listen, all the while trying to ignore Drew.
"I just want to go home," I thought as Jeff was paying the check. Unfortunately, Justin had another idea.
Scene 17
"How can you come here and not go to Camp Snoopy?" Justin asked.
"I have," I said, "many times."
"You don't count."
"Thanks," I laughed.
Despite the potential mob scene, Justin somehow convinced everyone they needed to visit the amusement park that sits at the center of the Mall. It's not a very big space as amusement parks go, but they somehow managed to cram about ten rides in there. Created by the same company that runs Knott's Berry Farm, I always get a little nostalgic when I visit Camp Snoopy. It reminds me of the many times I'd visited Knott's growing up in Southern California.
The first thing we did was head to the Pepsi Ripsaw Roller Coaster. Standing in the short line, I made sure to keep my distance from Drew. He seemed to be doing the same thing, although he was having a good time, joking with the other guys. I couldn't tell if it was an act or not. I just didn't know him well enough to tell. When we got to the front of the line, Nick and Drew decided to sit together. Jeff sat with me and Justin was by himself in the seat right behind us.
"Ouch!" I said, realizing Justin had playfully slapped me in the back of the head as we were going up the first hill. "Do that again and I'm going to come back there and hurt you."
"Not likely!" Justin laughed as we started down the first hill.
For a roller coaster in the middle of a shopping mall it goes pretty fast. There are quite a few tight right-hand turns where I felt myself slamming up against Jeff. Unfortunately, on all the left-hand turns he was nearly crushing me. You don't realize just how much someone weighs until you're pinned by him in a small steel roller coaster train.
"That was awesome!" I heard Justin exclaim as we pulled into the station.
We climbed out of the car and scrambled down the stairs to the exit.
"What's next?" Jeff asked.
"That," Justin said. He was pointing at the Kite-Eating Tree ride. Riders sat on swings suspended from the canopy of a tree. It was one of those fast-spinning rides.
"Unless you want to see my dinner again, I won't be going on that one," I said.
"Don't be a wimp," Justin said. "If you can handle being crushed by Sugar over there you can handle that."
"Leave him alone!" Nick was coming to my rescue. "I'm not doing that, either." He put his hands on my shoulders and I knew I was safe.
As Justin, Drew, and Jeff headed for the vomit-inducing tree, I felt Nick pull on my shirtsleeve.
"Where are we going?"
"You're not afraid of heights, are you?"
"No," I answered.
Before I knew it, we were waiting to get on the Ferris wheel. It's not a huge Ferris wheel, but it feels like it because you are about 70 feet off the ground overlooking the entire park.
We got in the car and started our slow circles.
"So, what's up between you and Drew?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to play dumb. Nick didn't buy it.
"You know what I mean. There was some definite tension between you two. And when he asked you about your first kiss you just about lost it."
"We had a fight."
"About.?" he asked, trying to coax the information out of me.
"You don't want to know."
"What the hell does that mean?"
I sighed. "It means I don't want to be caught in the middle of you and Drew."
"If my brother did something that upset you, I want to know. Sometimes he's not the smartest guy when it comes to other people's feelings."
"He just doesn't like me."
"Why," Nick asked.
I turned away from him and looked out over the lights of the park. "Because I'm gay," I said softly.
"That doesn't make sense."
"Really," I said incredulously. "Obviously you've never lived my life. A large portion of this country thinks I'm headed to hell because I'm gay. Why is it so hard to believe that Drew thinks the same?"
"Well," he countered, "you haven't lived my life. I've been Drew's brother since he was born. How long have you known him?"
"That's not fair. It's not the same thing. You're not gay."
"You're right. I'm not," he said angrily. "But you don't know Drew like I do. I told you about our cousin, Matt? Matt is gay and when he came out to us I didn't take it well. Drew, on the other hand, was incredibly supportive. Matt's in a serious relationship right now and Drew loves both of them. What you are describing is not my brother."
It was a good thing that we were stuck on that Ferris wheel. If we were on solid ground I probably would have turned and walked away, avoiding any further confrontation. I could see the venom in Nick's eyes. He loved his brother unconditionally and he wasn't afraid to show it.
"I'm sorry, Nick. I didn't mean to upset you."
"I didn't mean to yell at you," he said as he calmed down. "It's just that I can't see Drew acting that way."
"I can't explain it, either. He already knew Matt and it's much harder to hate someone you already love." A light bulb went off in my head. "Maybe it's because of Jeff. I'm sure he told Drew about my attempt to kiss him."
"Don't be so sure," Nick said. "Jeff knew that was an awkward situation for you and I don't think he'd tell anyone about it without getting your permission first."
"That's not what I was implying. Maybe Drew just thinks I'm trying to weasel my way into your life?"
"None of that sounds like Drew."
"I guess I'll have to take your word on that."
We sat in silence for a moment. I was trying to think of something to say when Nick's next question caught me off guard.
"Alex, why did you get so upset when Drew asked you about your first kiss?"
"Why do you want to know?" I asked defensively.
"Two reasons. First, it might help me figure out why Drew is so hostile to you. Second- and most important-it really got to you. I just don't want to see you so upset. Especially if there's something I can do to fix it."
I laughed in spite of myself. "Trust me. There's nothing you can do to fix it."
"Try me."
"I can't, Nick."
"Why not?"
"It's so." I paused, looking for the right word. "Embarrassing."
He leaned across the car and put his hand on my knee. "Look at me," he said. "There is nothing you can tell me that's going to make me treat me the way you think Drew is treating you. Got that?"
I nodded.
"I'm not forcing you to tell me anything. It just looks like you might want to get this off your chest."
"I do," I whispered.
Nick leaned in a little more. "You can tell me anything, Alex."
I gathered up all the courage I had and looked Nick directly in the eye. "I've never been with another man," I said. "In fact, I've never even kissed one."
Nick squeezed my knee. "That's nothing to be embarrassed about."
"Are you kidding? I'm 26 years old and I've never even kissed a man."
Nick sat back, quietly laughing to himself.
"What's so funny?" I asked.
"You do remember who I'm dating, don't you? In case you haven't heard it in the tabloids, Jessica is a virgin. So, the fact that you've never been with a man really isn't all that shocking to me. Now, before you say anything, I know it's not the same. But," he continued, "it's not all that different, either."
"I'm not a virgin because of some great moral or religious principles," I said.
"Have you had the opportunity?"
"Yes," I said, looking away.
"And why didn't you do it?"
"I didn't feel like I was ready."
"That sounds pretty moral to me," Nick said. "At the very least it's a level of responsibility that you and Jess share. I admire that a lot in her and I feel the same way about you."
"Really?"
"Of course. I don't know your history, Alex, but I can't imagine growing up gay was easy. It says a lot about you that you decided to wait until you are ready rather than jumping in and possibly risking your health and future."
"Okay," I said. "But we were talking about a kiss, not sex."
"You've never kissed anyone?"
"Yes, I have. There were a couple of girls in high school and my freshman year in college, but it never felt right."
"Listen, Alex. It will happen for you. Trust me. If you wait for the right guy, it will be better than you can imagine."
"Please don't tell Jeff about this."
"I won't tell anyone." Suddenly, he connected everything. "Jeff would have been your first kiss, huh?"
I could only nod.
"You can do better," he said, trying to keep from laughing.
Just then, we arrived at the loading station for the Ferris wheel. The attendant let us off. As we walked off, Nick threw his arm around my shoulders. It brought a smile to my face.
"Let's find the rest of the guys and get out of here. I don't know about you, but I could use some rest."
"I agree."
Nick stopped walking for a second. I turned to look at him.
"Let me see if I can't figure out what's going on with Drew. I really want you to know him like I do. He's a good guy."
I hoped Nick was right, but it seemed like a long shot.
To be continued.
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