The legal stuff: This is a sexually explicit story involving homosexuality. (There's nothing wrong with that, by the way.) By continuing to read, you affirm under penalties of perjury (like this is going to court?) that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor and are entitled to have access to sexually explicit material. The content and opinions expressed in this story do not imply anything with regard to the sexual preference of any member of 98 Degrees of other celebrities named herein. This is a work of fiction entirely.
Hello, again. That's for coming by. I've moved and I start school next week. It's been a crazy time for me. Oh, and I need a job, too! Thanks go out to the usual suspects. By the way, I do appreciate the emails I get. (Even the nasty ones.) I figure if you have enough of a reaction to write I'm doing okay. A short bit of trivia: I first started writing this story because I had a dream about a car crash in Hawaii. It sort of freaked me out so I ended up writing about it. The first draft of "What I Feel For You" started out with the accident. But, I felt like it didn't make much sense so I reworked it. Now, I'm back where I started but I actually have characters that have lives. I'm not trying to create role models; my life (just like my characters) is flawed. I'm just trying to tell a story. In the end, it's a love story and those are the best kind.
Note my new email address: thack98@comcast.net.
Scene 143
The next several days seemed to blur together. Seeing Drew hooked up to so many machines was a tough sight to see. On top of that, my body wasn't physically ready for so much movement. Despite Nick trying to be careful, he did manage to bang me around quite a bit as he was getting me back into bed after the visit to see Drew. I knew I probably should have had Nick go get help but I was exhausted and ready to be lying down again. The result was a fairly severe case of pain because of the whole experience.
Nick seemed a little more himself after I had told him about what I had told Drew. In all honesty, I probably was only with Drew for about five minutes. Since he couldn't talk I did all the speaking and he could only motion and blink his responses. I tried my best to stay positive, but by the end of couple minutes my body was aching and my mind was getting a little fuzzy from the pain. The moment I was back in my bed I fell asleep.
I awoke because I felt a gentle tapping on my shoulder. I forced my eyes opened, even though I was extremely fatigued. I had no idea whether I had been asleep an hour or a day.
"Hey, buddy."
I looked at my Mike. Through thick and thin he had remained my best friend.
"Hi."
"Listen, Alex. I need to talk to you about something. Are you up for it?"
"I guess," I yawned.
"Nice," he smiled. "I need to know if you're going to be okay."
"Of course I am."
"No, I mean, if I leave are you going to be okay? With everything that's going on I feel bad about leaving, but my boss called this afternoon and some of my regulars are getting a little, umm, perturbed that I've been gone for so long."
"Mike, I'm fine. Go!"
"But you just saw Drew for the first time. Plus this whole confusion with Jeff. I sorta feel like I'm abandoning you when you need me most."
"Don't think that, Mike. The fact that you're here at all is amazing. You don't see any of my family here, do you?"
"Drew's mom is here. And your brother-in-law Nick," he grinned.
"Hmm. So it's pretty clear who you want as part of my family."
"I like Jeff, honestly. But you have a history with Drew and I think the two of you can really be happy together. You just have to figure out how to get past all of this, Alex. I know it won't be easy but I think you can do it together. You've already been down the road of having Drew come out and it seems like he finally may be accepting it. I know he was talking about a more public relationship with Leah but I just don't see that happening after the accident. And I know you'll be there for Jeff, but I just don't want to have to watch you go through all of that again. I know that sounds a little harsh and I don't mean it to be."
I paused for a moment and let it all sink in. I had already made up my mind but I still carefully considered Mike's words. The moment I saw Drew lying in bed I knew he and I were meant to be. As long as he could commit to me fully I would be there as his partner.
"I already made up my mind, Mike."
"Really?"
"Yeah. When Nick took me to see Drew. I knew then when I saw him. We've been through too much together to not give it shot."
Mike broke into a huge grin and leaned down and kissed me on the forehead.
"This is going to sound stupid, but." his voice trailed off.
"What?"
"Well, you don't really need it but you have my permission."
"Permission?"
"You always say that I'm your family, right?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, you have my permission if you want to ask him."
"Are you talking about what I think you're talking about?"
"Yes," he grinned.
"Well, slow down cowboy! I appreciate it but I'm not ready to marry him, yet."
"Yet?" he laughed.
"Yeah, yet."
We fell into a comfortable silence. It was probably ten minutes before either of us said anything.
"It's not going to be easy," I said.
"Jeff?"
"Yeah."
We both fell quiet, yet again and began analyzing that situation.
"Do you want me to stay? I can help you talk to Jeff."
"No," I said. "I need to talk to him myself. He'll understand. It may not be easy but he'll understand."
After a few more minutes of small talk Mike told me he had already booked a flight that was leaving that night to head back to Minneapolis. When he said it I was certain that Nick had accomplished that task and that Mike would be in first class.
"I love you. You know that, right?"
"Of course," I smiled.
"I'll see you soon."
"Yes, you will. And thanks for the blessing. Not that I needed it," I laughed.
With that Mike was gone and I was faced with the very real problem of talking to Jeff. Instead of diving into that one, I simply closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
Scene 144
The next morning I woke quite sore, as I had expected. It was the first time I'd woken up and not had a member of the 98 Degrees posse holding vigil at my bedside in one of those uncomfortable hospital chairs. I took that as a good sign.
Reaching over, I picked up the phone, at once thrilled that I was finally allowed to have a phone in my room. I tried valiantly to remember the number to the condo where everyone was staying, but no luck. Although my memory lapses were getting fewer and fewer, I didn't have much reason to try to remember a phone number when it was told to me while I was practically sedated. Fortunately, I saw the pad of paper with Zane's messy handwriting next to the phone with his cell phone-number.
"Hello?" I heard a groggy voice.
"Hey!" I said.
"Do you have any idea what time it is?"
Glancing around the room and realizing there was no clock, I had to answer "no".
"It's 6:13am!" Zane exclaimed.
"Sorry, I had no idea. I think I've been asleep since about 8pm last night."
Before he could answer and before I could say anything else I heard a voice in the background.
"Who is it and can't you get rid of them?" the deep baritone voice said.
"Opps," I said, knowing I was blushing. "I didn't mean to interrupt."
"No, it's okay. We were just sleeping," he almost laughed. "I'll explain later. What do you need, Alex?"
"I was hoping to talk to Jeff."
"Um, I guess you didn't hear."
"Hear what?"
"Well," he said quietly, trying to stifle a yawn. "Jeff went back to LA last night. It was a bit sudden."
"Did he say anything?"
"No, just that he needed to see Alyssa. I guess I can understand that. This whole thing has been pretty traumatic. When you're talking life and death all day long I'd think seeing your kid would be important." He paused. "Sorry, Alex. That was a bit harsh. I'm not really awake."
"Don't worry, Zane. I know things were a bit iffy for both of us."
I smiled. Despite the horrible things I was saying I realized I used the term "us" and really meant it.
"Do you want me to come down there?" Zane asked, interrupting my thoughts.
"No. Go back to sleep." I grinned. "Or back to what you were doing."
"Alex!"
"But I want details later."
"Deal."
With that Zane had hung up. Despite the time I'd spent with him, he was still very much an enigma. I shouldn't have been surprised that he had found someone. After all, he took the brunt of canceling the tour and dealing with all the details of our hospitalization. And while I doubted it was eternal love, I was happy he had found someone to help relieve a little stress.
I stretched a bit, wishing I could roll over onto my side. I was getting sick of sleeping on my back in that damn hospital bed. Obviously when you're hooked up to machines you can't move around, but now that I was untethered I really wanted to be in a perfectly flat, perfectly civilian bed.
That was the goal, I decided. I flashed on a single thought right then. I don't know why but all I could think about was some stupid movie I'd seen ages ago where the catch phrase was "baby steps". That's what I needed to do: take some baby steps.
First, I though, I need to get out of bed and out of the hospital. On top of that, I needed to start keeping track of time. I had absolutely no idea how many days I had been in the hospital. Judging by my 6:13am wake-up call to Zane and his bedmate, I wasn't doing much better about what time of day it was, either.
Second, I need to concentrate on Drew. That one was actually tough to figure out. My heart was torn between dealing with Jeff and helping Drew. But, even if I was out of the hospital, I doubted that I'd be cleared for travel that soon. Plus, Jeff left without saying goodbye, which spoke volumes to how he felt about things. I'd have Justin, Zane, or Nick make sure Jeff was okay, but Drew was just 2 floors away and he was the guy that needed me most.
Finally, I'd talk to Jeff. That was something I wasn't looking forward to doing. He was the first of the guys to really open up to me. He and I have a connection, and despite everything that had happened, I hoped we always would. And I'd be lying if I didn't say that my plan on getting Drew healthy before talking to Jeff wasn't strategic. A tiny part of me was still angry at the way Drew had treated me when we were in Hawaii. In my mind I had committed to be with him; but there was still uncertainty as to whether he would do the same. In effect, I was waiting for that commitment from Drew before I totally ended things with Jeff.
Thinking things over, I began feeling bad about it. While I doubted Jeff was waiting for me to fly to LA, I did feel like I was using him a bit. It's not that I was doing it intentionally. It was the circumstances. After all, who was I to have two pop stars fighting over me? I was just an ordinary guy who happened to be working at their hotel.
"Am I Yoko?"
I actually said it out loud, just to hear it. I laughed at myself. What if I became the reason for the breakup of the group? What if Jeff and Drew couldn't mend fences? They had been fighting for months and in effect it was because of me. Would I be labeled by VH-1's "Behind the Music" as the reason for the end of 98 Degrees? It was funny but also very possible. Only time would tell.
Scene 145
"How does it feel?"
"You have no idea," I replied.
"Actually, I do," was Nick's response.
I had to process for a second but then I realized Nick was referring to his stay in a Minneapolis hospital. I chuckled as he pushed me in the wheelchair. As we approached the front entrance it was my turn to walk, or at least let Nick help me walk. I was still pretty banged up.
"Here," Nick said as he handed me some sunglasses.
"Huh?"
"We're trying to keep this low key."
"No clue where you're going with this one, Nicky."
I stood up and wobbled a bit, feeling a little light-headed. Nick planted himself in front of me and I reached out and grabbed a shoulder.
"After all this time you still don't care, do you?"
"What's with the riddles, Lachey? You gotta remember the magic word: concussion."
He laughed and put the sunglasses on me.
"You always seem to forget the whole celebrity thing. I guess that's why we all get along so well. You're just a normal guy."
"Maybe. I don't forget as much as I try to ignore it," I sighed. I finally saw what Nick was trying to hide me from. Over his shoulder I could see a half dozen photographers waiting to take our picture. "And remember: concussion and memory loss to due high speed accident in the middle of the night."
"You're too crazy."
Then I realized I'd never asked before.
"Nick, did they ever figure out what caused the accident?"
"Not really. Drew said something about maybe seeing a donkey."
"Drew's talking?"
"Not really. He only started whispering this morning. It's mostly been impossible to read drawings and an occasional gesture. His trachea was damaged during the accident. The docs think it will be awhile before he gets his voice back."
I nodded, not sure what else to say. The lack of speech on my behalf was Nick's signal to get me out of the hospital. Initially I resisted because I wanted to see Drew but he promised to bring me back that evening. So, we headed to the door.
"You have no comment," he whispered.
"No kidding."
The reporters were actually fairly tame, which meant they had pity on me as I hobbled to the SUV in the driveway. Or, perhaps the story wasn't worth harassing a nobody like me. Either way I was grateful for the scant flashbulbs and half- hearted questions.
Zane was waiting for us with the passenger door open. I heard Nick call shotgun.
"Not on your life, Hollywood," was Zane's response. "It's easier for him to get in and out of the front seat."
"Fine," Nick pouted as I laughed.
Once the three of us were in the car Zane was about to pull away and I practically screamed.
"What the hell are you doing?"
Zane looked at me as if I were speaking in tongues.
"What have we learned by this whole experience?" I questioned him.
"Fights with your boyfriend are a bad idea?" he said wryly.
"No! Seatbelts save lives."
He looked at me sheepishly as he buckled up.
"Actually you save lives, Alex."
"I'm in no condition to save your ass right now. And I'm not doing mouth-to-mouth on you."
"Neither am I," Nick piped in from the back seat as we drove away from the hospital. "I think James would get jealous."
"Ugh!" Zane yelled.
"Oh," I laughed, "was he the guy that got pissed off when I woke him up the day before yesterday?"
"Yeah."
"Who is he? Someone special?" I asked in my best junior high school girl's voice. Fortunately, it came off sounding a little too masculine.
"Would I sleep with someone that isn't special?"
"Nice answer. But you promised details, Zane."
"Hmm," was the evasive response.
"James is our realtor," Nick said from behind.
"What are we buying?"
"Bought," Zane said. "We bought the condo we're staying at."
"That sounds extravagant," I replied. "James better be all that and more."
"Hell yeah," Zane laughed. "When he was going over the papers he was talking about what things he's accountable for. I guess it's some sort of realtor oath or something. One thing he said was that he is responsible for being 'obedient' to his clients. That was enough to get things going. And, Alex, is he ever obedient."
I laughed, which made my side hurt and I started coughing a bit.
"I'm in the car, you know," Nick stated.
"Sorry, but we outnumber you right now."
"Ha, ha."
"But why buy the condo? I asked, trying to steer the conversation to something Nick might not be traumatized by.
"I looked around and it just made the most financial sense. None of us were certain how long we were going to be staying."
"It was a good investment," Nick said. "Both Jeff and I did the research independently and came to the same result. Real estate is a good place to put our money, especially with the tour cancelled. So, you're the proud owner of a one-fifth share of a Hawaiian retreat."
"Me? How did I get a share?"
"You did, okay?" Nick said strongly. I took the hint not to ask any more questions.
Considering the fact that I was unconscious when I arrived in Honolulu, I seemed to have a fairly good idea which direction we were headed. Once we left the hospital, I saw it was the "Queen's Medical Center". This realization brought a fit of laughter and a blank stare from both Zane and Nick. Once I explained we all were laughing. It was good to hear Nick laugh.
We headed away from downtown and towards what I guessed to be Waikiki. We crossed a small canal and unexpected turned into the parking garage of a high-rise.
"We're here," Zane announced.
"I figured as much, since you parked the car and everything," I replied sarcastically.
"Yeah, yeah."
Nick helped me out of the SUV and we walked a very short distance to the lobby. It was refined, with marble and huge vases of flowers. Zane said hello to the doorman and we got to the elevator. The short ride took us up to the condo. It wasn't overly extravagant, but it did have an awesome view of the ocean.
"You look tired," Nick said once I stopped staring at the view and sat down on the couch.
"I am, I guess."
"Maybe you should take a nap," he said, sitting next to me.
"Not right now. I've been since the accident. I'm just glad I'm not in a hospital any more."
"Me, too."
We sat there, not talking for a while. Zane was buzzing around, but he finally announced he was heading out to do some work. I was about to turn on the television but Nick stopped me.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said quietly.
He didn't say anything else but he reached over and carefully pulled me into a hug. For the first time since before the accident I let myself go, falling into his arms. I felt safe.
"I thought we were going to lose you," he whispered.
I felt a chill run down my spine, knowing I felt the same about Drew.
To be continued.
More to come. Send feedback to: thack98@comcast.net