WARNING: This story is sexually-explicit, involving homosexuality. Do not continue if this will offend you. The content and opinions expressed in this story do not imply anything with regards to the sexual preference of any member of 98 Degrees or any other celebrities named herein. It is a work of fiction entirely.
I am back (finally). I know everyone out there probably thought I'd given up on my story, but that's not the case. A new job and helping my best friend get into school have taken over. Then there's that pesky thing called "writer's block".
Thanks for sticking with the story. I wanted to send out a thank you to several people via email but I lost my contact list when my computer was upgraded. So, send me those emails again and I'll reply.
As always, I'll say hey to my best friend, Jase. Keep working hard and you'll be a pilot before you know it. However, this installment is dedicated to a former best friend. As some of you know, parts of my story are autobiographical. I recently made contact with "Scott", my former college roommate. I sent him an email and decided to be entirely truthful about my life and my current relationship. His response was very positive and a lot of pain I've held over the years is now gone. People change. It's amazing but they do.
Take care and be good,
Thack
Scene 123
Even in first class, five and a half hours is a long time to sit on an airplane. I had tried to get some sleep as we flew over the Pacific because I had been restless the night before, but it didn't happen. It had been a long two weeks. I was finally flying to Hawaii to meet Drew and I was getting more nervous with each passing hour.
The guys left a couple of days after the video shoot and flew to Honolulu. They spent the time up until the Pro Bowl rehearsing for the show and participating in press events. It must have been such a bittersweet time for each of them. They were all huge football fans, especially Nick. I'm sure he was having the time of his life but he was also having to deal with his breakup with Jessica. The news about their breakup was publicized during the week and I had seen both Jess and Nick on MTV commenting about it. I was proud of both of them. Despite the ugliness of the ordeal, they each spun it so it sounded like they simply didn't have time for a relationship because of their careers. We all knew better.
Surprisingly, Justin was my main source of information while they were in Hawaii. To escape the unpleasant memories of my hometown and simply because it was far more convenient, I had relocated to a hotel near the SFX office that Zane was working out of. As Zane and I finalized plans for the tour, Justin would occasionally call with updates on how everyone was doing.
"Well, let's see," he said during one such call. "We just came from lunch. Nick just broke down in tears because Jessica's favorite chicken dish was on the menu. Jeff hasn't said a word for about 4 hours, which made it difficult to order. Oh, and Drew yelled at the waitress because his salad had black olives and he specifically ordered green ones."
"God! Sounds like fun. What about you?"
"I had a very nice double cheeseburger with fried Maui onions."
"That's not what I mean," I replied, exasperated at his joke.
"I know it's not, Chief. I'm just trying to keep things as light as I can. Everyone is miserable but it'll get better. I'm spending most of my time keeping Nick going and watching out for Jeff. They seem to be the worst off."
"I wish I could be there but Zane and I have to get the tour all lined up and the time difference is too much to deal with. I'd have to get up at 4am just to get someone on the East coast in the morning."
"I know you can't be here. It's all good, Alex. You're doing your job. That's what we pay you for. Have you talked to Drew?"
"Only a couple of times," I replied. "And only briefly."
"Oh," Justin responded.
"What does that mean?"
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I was hoping he was talking to you. He's been on his cell a lot lately. Honestly, Chief, I think he's talking to Lea."
"It's okay, Justin. He and I talked about it. They're friends, nothing more. I'm fine about it."
"You sure?"
"Yeah," I lied.
Justin and I had several conversations just like that one. I had spent the better part of the flight from LA to Hawaii thinking over everything. Drew and I did actually talk about Lea before he had left. It was a strained conversation but somehow we managed to get through it. He had somehow convinced me that they really were just friends and that I had nothing to worry about. Drew confessed his love and I remember telling him I loved him, too.
It was still true. I did love Drew, but it was different now. The first time I said it, it meant more to me than anything. It was the purest kind of love. It combined the love I felt for Mike and Nick with an intense physical attraction. Drew had proven himself to me by helping me become the kind of man I wanted to be. I still can picture exactly what he looked like the day he picked me up when I got out of rehab. He had a sparkle in his eye that I will never forget. That's the kind of love I had, once. Up until Christmas I had begun to imagine a life where Drew and I grew old together.
Then there was Lea.
"Are they sleeping together?"
"I don't think so," I sighed.
I had been lying in bed in my hotel in LA when Mike had called. It was early, about 7:30am when he called. The first words out of his mouth were an apology for calling so early, but he knew that I had to get up to get to the airport that day. The truth of it was that I had been up since about six, simply tossing and turning. Mike knew I was having a rough time, despite what I had told him.
"You don't think so? That doesn't sound promising," he had said.
"Mike, he's not sleeping with her. I know he's not. He's not that much of a shit. But, it's everything else that makes me doubt him."
"Everything else?"
"Well, he kissed her. A couple of times. He admitted that much. But what gets to me is how much time he spends talking to her. And don't bother telling me that she is his best friend. I know that, too. He's quick to point out how much time I spend talking to you but we both know you and I have never slept together."
"She is his first love," Mike said.
"So?"
"So, it's different. You told me that she was his first kiss. You don't forget about that, Alex. They have an obvious connection, just like you and Drew. There was a time I was certain that you and he would be together forever. But, even if you're not, you are always going to have a connection with him."
"Do you feel that with her?" I asked.
"Her?"
"Your first love?"
"Of course I do, Alex."
"Do you know where she is?"
"No."
There was a moment of silence and I immediately regretted bringing her up.
"We could find her," I said quietly.
"I know." Mike paused. "But you need to figure out what you want, Alex. You need to figure out if you can have a relationship where you have doubts about your partner. In effect, that's what is happening. Do you trust him enough to let him talk to her and even spend time with her? If you can't, then you have to do the right thing and break it off, no matter how difficult that may be."
"I know."
That had been most of the conversation. I knew Mike was right. I needed to decide if I could trust Drew enough. I never expected him to drop his friends and spend all of his time with me. The trouble was that Lea was not only a friend but also an ex-girlfriend. Actually, Lea was the ex- fianc‚. Maybe I wasn't ready to handle all of that.
Glancing out the window, I saw the islands off in the distance. It struck me that if it weren't for computers and highly trained pilots, you could be a few hundred miles off course and fly right by. As we started our descent, I felt butterflies in my stomach. The nerves had nothing to do with the flight, but rather with the fact that Drew would be there waiting for me.
But, there was one other thing on my mind. It was one of the last things Mike had asked me that morning.
"What does Jeff think about all of this?"
I never answered Mike because I didn't know.
As the plane touched down, I was jolted back to reality from my daydreaming. I felt the jet quickly slow down and looked out the window at the ocean to the left. It looked so serene and blue. I sighed, knowing that this trip was going to be anything but serene.
Scene 124
It had seemed like such a good idea at the time. It was actually Zane's idea and he did most of the work to get everything all set up. I felt bad for him, since all of his hard work turned out to be for naught. The guys had spent the week in Honolulu preparing and performing for the Pro Bowl. Then, everyone was going to fly to the Big Island and spend 5 nights together relaxing. After a week in the city, it sounded great to have five days of downtown at a beach resort.
Unfortunately, everything fell apart when Nick and Jessica broke up. It was to be our family vacation. Jessica, Patricia, and Jeff's daughter Alyssa were going to be there. Justin had even thought about asking my old friend Sharon to fly out from Minneapolis. Zane was planning on being there also, although I don't think he was bringing anyone with him.
One by one, everyone seemed to drop out from the trip. Neither Zane nor myself could really blame them. The guys were still a family, albeit a highly dysfunctional one at that time. Nick decided to go home to Ohio to visit his parents. Jessica did the same, returning to Texas. Once Jeff bailed, Justin was soon to follow. That left Drew, Zane, and me.
"You can still come," I assured him. "After all, I was your idea and you set up all the arrangements. You were so excited about Hawaii."
"No," he said. "You and Drew should spend some time together. I'll just stay in LA and get some work done."
The conversation continued from there, but ultimately, Zane was steadfast in his refusal to go. I felt really bad about it, because as he was describing to me all the arrangements he had made, he sounded genuinely enthused. He'd always wanted to visit the Big Island of Hawaii, primarily because he wanted to visit the volcano there. Geological anomalies never really excited me, but as polished and slick as Zane came of, he had a streak of geek running in him. It sort of endeared him to me.
So, as I got off the plane I realized it would be just Drew and me together for 6 days. I had taken a non-stop flight on United from LA to Kona, one of two airports on the island. It was late Sunday afternoon when I had landed. Drew was scheduled to fly on a commuter flight from Honolulu that was due to arrive about 30 minutes before me. When I entered the waiting area I saw him standing there. Despite the troubles we were having, my heart skipped a beat and I broke into a huge grin.
With him he had a huge floral lei. I walked over and he pulled me into a hug before draping the lei over my head. I could sense a nervous excitement in him, much like my own.
"How was the show?" I asked. "Sorry I didn't get to see it but the schedule just didn't allow it."
"It's okay, baby," he said quietly so no one could hear. Whenever the guys performed, I always tried to see the shows. It struck me that I missed their last performance on New Year's Eve, too. "It wasn't our best performance. It was a bit overproduced. They had about 250 bikini clad co- eds throwing around beach balls on the field during the show."
"Well, at least that wasn't distracting to you," I joked.
"Haha," he deadpanned.
Despite the fact that the airport was probably the smallest one I'd ever been to, it took forever to get our luggage. The unique thing is that the airport is all outside. The gates are covered but there are no real buildings except for the restaurant, gift shop, and restrooms. Originally I was going to take a morning flight, but at the last minute I switched to the afternoon flight so I could arrive around the same time as Drew. It was just after dusk when we picked up the rental car.
Actually, Zane had arranged for us to have a Jeep Wrangler to drive. We literally walked across the street, picked up the keys at this little shack and headed off to the hotel. I was in charge of navigation with Drew behind the wheel.
We left Kona and headed out on a two-lane highway into the darkness. We had watched the sun set over the water as we waited for our luggage. There was no moon, just a sky full of stars. It was amazing just how many stars there were in the sky that night. At the same time, however, it seemed so very dark. As Drew drove, my eyes scanned the horizon. I got a bit uneasy when I realized I could no longer tell which way the ocean was and where the mountains had gone. There was no reason, but I felt a bit frightened out on that road.
"I asked how your flight was."
Although I tried to stop it, I felt my head do a double take and look at Drew, as if I were a cartoon character. If Drew had been watching me, I'm sure he would have burst out laughing.
"Sorry. I was off somewhere. It was long, I guess."
"Oh," Drew replied.
"What was I supposed to say?" I responded, a bit harsher than I had anticipated.
The tension between us was undeniable. Drew was the one that took the first move.
"Look, Alex. I want everyone here also, but that's not happening. I just think we can take this time and work out what we have. I've done a lot of thinking over the last couple of days. I'm not ready to give up what we have. I can't stand the thought of losing you and I'm willing to do anything I can to make you see that. I love you, Alex."
"I love you, too." I confessed.
"And if you need me to, I'll stop talking to Lea."
"I'd never make you do that."
"You wouldn't be making me," he said. "It was an offer. I'm not talking forever, but if you need me to stop talking to her until you are more comfortable with us, then that's what I'll do."
Everything was silent except for the noise of the car and the wheels hitting the highway. My eyes scanned out across the terrain and I noticed pockets of white against the black lava that made up the landscape. I wondered what the white was.
"You don't have to stop talking to her," I said quietly. "You told me there was nothing between the two of you and I have to trust that. I've been thinking, too, Drew. I have a lot of things going through my head right now and I'm a bit overwhelmed. But, I'm willing to give it a try."
Drew didn't say a word, but moments later I felt his hand come to rest on my knee. I reached down and grabbed it, locking his fingers in mine. I felt a surge of electricity that we used to have. We drove in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Despite the turmoil I felt inside, I had a strange sense of calm at that moment. I knew that right then, I was right where I was supposed to be.
We finally arrived at the hotel, or what I had thought was the hotel. In actuality, it was a left hand turn onto another two-lane road that snaked its way through yet another lava field. Suddenly, out of almost nowhere, the hotel appeared. It was brightly lit and was surrounded by a grove of palm trees.
Zane had done his research and had chosen the Outrigger Waikoloa for several reasons. He had explained that there were several other resorts that were more formal and more expensive, but he had picked this hotel because it would be more comfortable. He also said that they were by far the friendliest when he had called to check on rooms. Also, they had a three-bedroom suite that would have served as the focal point for our group. When it turned out to be just me and Drew, I had tried to convince Zane we didn't need a huge suite. Zane insisted we keep the suite. He told me he wanted to make up for the lost revenue for the hotel since we had cancelled so many rooms last minute. Of course, the old revenue manager in me agreed so Drew and I found ourselves checking into the Kohala Suite.
The woman at the front desk greeted us with the traditional greeting of "Aloha". As she checked us in, she asked where we were from and if we had traveled all day to get there. At that point, I realized she didn't know who Drew was. It felt good to be anonymous, for once. Plus, it proved Zane's point because she had treated us like royalty even before she saw that we were booked in the most expensive suite in the hotel.
Ten minutes later we were in the living room of the suite. It was beautiful, with live plants and floral prints on the walls. I walked across and opened the sliding glass door to the balcony. I stepped out into the darkness and felt the gentle breeze brush across my face. Although it was dark, I could hear the waves lapping at the beach down below.
"I love you, baby," Drew whispered as he grabbed me around the waist, startling me a bit. He pulled me back against him and I felt the rush of being held by him after being alone for so long.
I turned and kissed him deeply, letting my tongue wander into his mouth. After a minute or two, I stopped and opened my eyes. I could feel his breath against my cheek as I stared into his eyes. I could see the love in his eyes and for the second time that night, I felt as though I was right where I belonged.
To be continued.
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