Do not break any laws by reading this. That means if you are under age, stop now. Any questions? Please read the disclaimer on the first installments. Also, remember this is fiction. I have never met any of the celebrities in the story and I have no knowledge of their private lives.
Okay, here's the next installment on my little ficticious tale. I've been struggling with this entire section at the video shoot. I'm glad it's over and I know exactly what's going to happen in the story next. Hopefully that means the updates will be out sooner.
I have one BIG thank you: Thank you to the people at the Nifty Archives. They do an amazing job. The last couple of times I've sent in my installment, I must have created the wrong type of file. Folks at Nifty: I'm not doing it on purpose. I'm trying to send the right format, I promise. ;-)
In these little preambles, I usually mention my best friend Jase. Well...after many, many months, we finally got him back in school. I'm incredibly proud of you Jase and I'm glad I could help. You're the best friend I ever could imagine. Fly high!
And now, on with the show...
Thack
Scene 119
"Everyone listen up. I have an announcement to make!"
The conversations at the table seemed to stop and all eyes fell upon Zane. He had stood up from his place at the end of the table. It had been a little over 24 hours since I had had my conversation with Jeff and Jessica. Now, all of us were gathered in the private dining room at a restaurant called Buca for a dinner to celebrate the completion of the video.
I glanced around the room and my eyes briefly caught those of Leah. She did her best to pretend like we hadn't made eye contact, but we both knew better. Mercifully, she was seated across the table from Drew, who was to my right. To my left was Jess, who had seemed a bit reserved, even for her.
Zane began to talk and since I knew what he was going to announce, I let my mind wander. I thought back over the last day. I knew it could have been much worse, but that was not much consolation at that point. After my run-in with Jeff the day before, I had managed to pull myself together enough to get some work done. I was upset, but I knew I had to be professional. I sought out Zane and we finalized the plans for the announcement he was making. He and I went back to the hotel around 10pm and I said goodnight.
"Are you okay, Alex?" he had asked. "Are you sure you don't want to talk?"
"No, I'm fine," I lied.
He sighed as he did earlier in the day, shrugged his shoulders and headed off to his room. Again, he appeared annoyed but I wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone else at the time.
When I got up to my room, I realized I had a problem. I knew that Drew would be at the set until at least midnight, as they had fallen behind on the interior shots for the video. I was in no mood to be around him, but I didn't want to cause a fight while Leah was around. I simply wanted to be alone in my bed in my room. I needed to try to sleep off some of the anger I was feeling. But, I knew that if I was in my bed and didn't leave the door between the rooms open, he would knock until I opened up.
Fearing at worst a major blowout and at least a minor fight, I decided to give up what I wanted and crawled into Drew's bed. I remember looking at the clock around 11:30pm, sort of dreading Drew's return. Jeff's words were echoing through my head. They had been all day long and I just couldn't let go.
"He told me that he fucked you last night."
I didn't want to believe that Drew would use those words to describe our relationship, but at that point, I had no reason to believe that Jeff would make it up. I had rarely heard Drew use the word, even in the heat of passion. I had a difficult time imagining him describe what we did together as "fucking". I rolled over on my back and stared up at the ceiling. I reached over and grabbed my cell phone, wanting to call Mike. I stopped myself, however, remembering it was 1:30am back in Minneapolis. Although Mike and I had an agreement that we could call each other 24 hours a day, I didn't think there would be much point in waking him up to have him tell me something I already knew. He would tell me that I needed to talk to Drew. But, I just wasn't ready to do that.
When Drew got in that night, I feigned sleep. He came over and gently kissed me, trying not to wake me. If I wasn't so confused, I'd have probably rolled over and kissed him back. He jumped in the shower and soon he was lying next to me in bed. He snuggled up next to me and I felt his bare chest press against my back. He gently ran his fingers through my hair, obviously hoping that I would wake up, but I still pretended to be asleep.
"Baby," he whispered. "I love you. I know this week has been hard on you. I promise I love you."
I had to fight with everything inside of me to not say a word. I was feeling anger, resentment, and love all at the same time. I wanted to yell and scream and get it all out in the open but I just didn't know how to do it. I didn't know what I was feeling and I was afraid that I would say the wrong thing. Deep in my heart, I didn't know if my love for Drew was strong enough.
When morning came, I had woken up alone. Drew had another early morning call. I remember thinking about how hard all the guys worked to make it. For whatever reason, I remember feeling guilty for being in bed at 7:30am. Although it had been a couple of months, I was still adjusting to living life on the road. Stretching, I sat up and noticed that Drew had opened the door to the balcony slightly. There was a breeze blowing in. I could tell that although it was January, it was going to be a warm day. Then, I saw a note on Drew's pillow addressed to me.
"Alex. Good morning, baby. I could tell you were upset last night. Please let me in and I promise I'll make it better. Love, Drew."
I sighed, knowing that if I had doubts about my relationship with Drew, there wasn't anything he could do to make it better. It was all up to my heart, and that's what scared me.
The cheers around me brought me back to the present.
"You mean we're really going to the Pro Bowl?" Nick asked in disbelief.
Moments ago, Zane had made his announcement. We had found out that the performer for the halftime show at the NFL Pro Bowl in Hawaii had cancelled and 98 Degrees was one of the contenders to cover the show. Normally, this was a decision that all the guys would be involved in, but both Zane and I knew that all of them were such NFL fans that they would flip over the idea if it worked out.
"You're talking about the Pro Bowl in Honolulu?" Justin asked in disbelief.
"Yes," Zane laughed.
"Who was supposed to do the show?" Jessica asked from beside me.
"Faith Hill," Zane said. "She found out she's pregnant and doesn't really want to make the trip all the way to the islands."
"What a minute," Justin piped in again. "That's in two weeks. That's when the tour is supposed to start."
"Exactly," Zane replied. "Alex and I have been slaving away for the last two days rescheduling all the concert dates. This was just too good an opportunity to pass up. The exposure will be phenomenal. The record company flipped when the offer came down for you guys to play."
"You've known for two days and you didn't tell me," Nick said with disbelief. "This must have been killing you."
I laughed and immediately felt bad about it. I'm sure they all viewed it as a great surprise that Zane and I were giving them. But, in all honesty, I didn't say anything to the guys because of Drew. I knew that by not telling Drew, I had just a tiny advantage over him when it came to information. If all of this had gone down just a few weeks earlier I wouldn't have been able to stand it. I would have told Drew one night when we were alone in bed, making him swear he wouldn't tell anyone else. I sighed when I realized just how much our relationship had deteriorated.
Zane started to explain that the guys would fly to Honolulu early the following week. They would stay at the same hotel as all the players, participating in some of the publicity events. During that time they would rehearse with the local talent to produce the 10-minute production number made up of a medley of their songs.
"With all the changes," Zane continued, "we've actually expanded the tour. The start date was pushed back but that gave us the opportunity to fit in a bunch of cities that weren't available. It's a great thing, actually. The only city so far that we can't get back into is Minneapolis."
"Don't look at me," I cried out just as everyone was doing exactly that. "I can get you hotel rooms for any date. It's the venue that's not available. That's out of my control."
"Well," Justin laughed. "We can always crash at Alex's place if he can't get us rooms."
"I love you guys to death," I said with sincerity. "But the four of you, the band, and the road crew is a bit much for my one-bedroom condo."
"I am still working on it. For Alex's sake I want you guys to play a date there. I'll get you the revised tour schedule as soon as it is finalized. But, the good news is that you'll have a couple of days off between the Pro Bowl and the first show. You'll do the show on Sunday and then the first date is at the Wiltern in LA the following Saturday. I was thinking you could stay in Hawaii another couple of days and relax. Maybe invite your family for a little vacation."
It totally took me off guard, but Jess reached out and gently squeezed my knee under the table when Zane said it. I looked at her and she had a strange look in her eyes. It was a look of sadness and maybe a touch of relief. Her eyes left mine and she looked directly at Nick, who was seated across from her.
"Nicky," she said quietly. "Do you think we should tell them?"
Nick nodded and stood up.
"Jess and I have an announcement to make."
Scene 120
"Jessica and I have broken up."
I could tell by the stunned looks on the faces around me that no one expected the announcement. The group, for better or worse, had become my family, with a few exceptions. We were gathered at a restaurant to celebrate the completion of the "My Everything" video and the mood was anything but celebratory. All four of the guys were there, of course, but we were joined by Jess, Leah, Patricia, and Zane.
Zane had been standing but quickly sat down, in effect giving Nick the stage. I turned and looked at Nick, trying to read the emotion in his face. Nick was the first of the guys I had met, of course. The accident so many months prior at the hotel had sealed our fate. Our lives had become intertwined and I considered him almost like my brother. Even the problems I was having with Drew wouldn't break the bond I felt with him.
"Nick?" I said softly, realizing that no one was talking.
"Yes, Alex?"
"What happened?"
"She said no."
He blinked twice and tears started falling. In an instant he turned from this strong, confident man into a shadow. He looked utterly defeated. I turned and looked at Jessica. In an instant I realized what had happened. Undoubtedly, Nick had proposed and she had said no.
"That doesn't mean you have to break up," Jeff said, sounding a bit helpless himself.
"It does," Nick said as the tears still fell.
"Damn it!" Jeff screamed as he stood up. The motion made his chair tumble backward, crashing onto the terracotta colored floor. "You don't have to break up! You can't! Don't you see that the two of you are the only ones that seem to make all of this work?"
"Jeff, calm down," Nick said quietly.
"No!" he screamed. "Just because she isn't ready to get married doesn't mean you have to break up. I know you've had problems. We all know that. But, that doesn't mean it has to end. Don't you see that you can make it work? Nick, you're my brother and when you are around Jess you just light up. You can't give up on that Nick. When you and Jess met you just clicked and it was like it was meant to be."
"It's not meant to be," Nick replied.
"But it has to be. It's always been you and me together, Nick. Remember back when we first started? Back in LA? I know you never told Drew or Justin about it and neither did I. Remember that night when you saved my life?" I could see the stunned looks on both Drew and Justin's faces. I felt strange, as I was the only person who knew what Jeff was referring to. It was the night he'd gotten so drunk he passed out in his car. "Ever since that night, I've felt connected to you. You're my brother and I wouldn't be here without you. I can see what being with Jess does for you. I'm not going to let you throw all of that away."
"Why not? It's just not meant to be, Jeff," Nick answered, exasperated. "Look. I proposed and Jess said no so that's the end of it."
"Don't you dare say that, Nick Lachey."
Jess had said it quietly, almost under her breath. I turned and saw the venom in her eyes as she stared across the table at Nick. My mind my reeling and I had a feeling things were about to get ugly. It flashed through my mind that I had been so wrapped up in the drama I'd created in my own life that I had no idea what was going on with my friends. Whenever I had talked to either Nick of Jess, it had always been about how I was feeling. I never gave their relationship a single thought and at that moment I felt a wave a guilt wash though me.
"Don't you dare make me the scapegoat in this, Nick," she said. "Yes, I did say no. But you were the one who said all or nothing. You said that it had to be marriage or nothing at all. So, don't go painting yourself the victim here."
"How am I supposed to react, Jess? Tell me that."
"Let's just cut to the chase. Would you really be ending it if I were sleeping with you?"
"Jess!" Leah scolded.
"What? It's on everyone's mind, isn't it? It certainly is on the mind of every reporter I ever talk to." There was a moment of silence and it felt like everyone was holding his or her breath. "Tell me, Nick. If I were having sex with you would you care if we were going to get married?"
All eyes fell on Nick, who looked helpless. Without words, he simply turned and walked to the door. As he opened the door, the laughter and music from the main dining room slipped into the collective silence. Just before the door shut behind him, I heard a server as him if he was enjoying the food.
"How could you say that, Jess?" Leah asked.
"It's what everyone was thinking, wasn't it?"
While I did have to admit that on several occasions I had wondered how Nick could stay that close to Jessica and still have the willpower to stay faithful, I knew there had to be another reason. I had to agree with Jeff. Nick and Jess always seemed to fit together so well. They had weathered the problem of Christian, so I was baffled at what had actually happened.
Although I heard Jess and Leah begin arguing, I wasn't really listening. I began wondering where Nick had gone and how he was dealing with things. Without really excusing myself, I got up and headed out to find him. I asked the hostess if she had seen Nick and she said that he had left the restaurant. As I opened the front door to go find him, I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Let me help you find him."
Scene 121
I turned and found Jeff looking back at me. For weeks now whenever I looked into his eyes, they seemed almost blank. The spark of light that used to be there was gone. He looked warn out.
"Okay," I sighed as we walked away from the restaurant and across the parking lot to our hotel.
"Jeff?" I said after about a minute of silence. "Why did you get so upset when Nick said it was over between him and Jess? I understand that they should stay together, but you seem really upset about it."
"It's not that they should stay together. They have to." He was looking away as we walked, almost as if he were talking to the air. "If he and Jess can't make it work, guys like us never stand a chance."
I don't know if he meant it, but I couldn't help but wonder what he meant by "guys like us". There seemed to be almost a double entendre to the phrase but I didn't bring it up.
"Out of all of us," he continued, "he was the one who knew what he wanted. Once he met Jess he knew exactly what he wanted. I thought I had something with Patricia, once. That was before Jess. I thought what I felt was love but looking back I know that it wasn't. I wouldn't take it back for anything, because of Alyssa. But, once I saw Nick and Jess together, I finally could see what love really was all about. And then you came along."
He stopped talking and looked right at me. In an instant my mind flashed back to those first few days I knew him. I remembered how he had tracked me down so he could apologize. I remembered the time I almost kissed him. I wasn't sure what was going through his mind right then, but it seemed like we had come so far in that time.
"I thought you and Drew had the same thing, Alex. I thought you and he were going to have same thing. But now, it's all gone to hell. You're barely speaking to him, from what I can tell. And now, Nick. If none of you guys can make it work, I don't ever see it happening for me."
I stopped walking and reached out, grabbing his arm. He stopped and turned to look at me.
"Don't say that Jeff. You're an amazing guy."
"Please," he interrupted. "Please don't say I just have to wait until the right person comes along."
"But it's true."
"But what if that person doesn't want me?"
I was afraid to ask the question that was running through my mind. I'd noticed that we both carefully avoided using "him" or "her" in our words. I couldn't help but wonder if I was the person Jeff wanted.
"It doesn't matter," he said as he started walking. "This isn't about me. We have to find Nick."
I felt so torn apart inside. I knew he was right and that we really needed to find Nick to make sure he was okay, but I wanted to ask Jeff all of the questions that were running through my head. We walked along in silence, once again on the hotel grounds. As seems to be the case with my life, just as I was about to get up the nerve to speak, we spotted Nick. He was sitting in the courtyard that I could see from the balcony of my room. He looked tired and lonely.
I stopped and let Jeff walk over to Nick. The two embraced and although it was hard to tell, it seemed like Jeff needed the hug just as much as Nick did. They sat down on the small bench near the fountain and began talking. They were brothers in every sense of the word, even if they didn't share blood. I tried to take it all in. I imagined what it would be like to have a brother like that. Maybe in a couple of years I'd have the kind of bond I saw between the two of them with Nick. That is, if I stayed with Drew.
My mind was racing over everything that had happened in the past hour. In fact, I almost didn't hear it when Nick called me over. I was thinking about why Nick and Jess had broken up. It didn't make sense. And then, to make things more confusing, it seemed as if Jeff had almost admitted he wanted to be with me. My head was reeling.
"Are you okay, Nick?" I asked as I hugged him.
"I will be."
"Why?"
"Why, what?" he asked.
"Why did it happen?"
"It's not about sex, Alex. I swear," he pleaded.
"I know, Nick."
"I proposed and she said no. She wanted to keep things the same, but I just couldn't do that. I love her too much to do that. She said she didn't think our careers would allow us to have a real marriage. I love her so much, Alex." He started tearing up again. "I want to be with her all the time. I don't care about my career. As long as I can be with her, that's all that matters."
Jeff and I took Nick up to his room. We listened to him for about an hour. All he did was repeat over and over how much he loved her. Admittedly, I wasn't sure I understood his logic. He said that he couldn't be with Jess unless they got married. He said that being a couple without being married was simply too hard. He also said that if Jess thought the relationship was going to hurt her career, then he had to back out of it.
It was hard to listen to him. Each time he told a story about a special time he had had with Jess, all I could think of were the special times I had spent with Drew. I knew I still loved Drew, but I was beginning to think Jeff might be right. If Nick couldn't make his fairytale love with Jessica work, then the rest of us didn't stand a chance.
Scene 122
After talking for a while, Nick seemed to be getting tired. He ended up lying down. I asked him three times if he was okay before I left. He swore to me that he'd be fine. Jeff told me that he would stay with Nick for as long as Nick needed. I walked over to Nick and gently kissed him on the forehead.
"You'll be okay, Nicky. I promise."
He simply sighed and I turned and walked to the door. Just as I was about to open it, someone knocked, scaring the shit out of me. When I opened the door, I saw Justin.
"How is he, Chief?"
"He's been better, but he'll get through it."
"Yeah," Justin said. "Nick is usually the rock. It's hard to see him upset."
"I know. I'm heading back to my room. Do you know where Drew is?"
"Leah and Jess got into a bit of a cat fight." He laughed a little when he saw my expression. "A verbal one, anyway. Drew finally ended up dragging Leah out of there."
"Damn."
"I could take that comment a couple of different ways, Alex, but I'll just let it be."
I nodded and headed out the door. Justin put his hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze as I passed him. I found the elevator and descended the two floors to the second level where my room was. Walking down the hall, I could hear the laughter coming from Drew's room. I slid the key into the electronic lock to my room, praying that the connecting door would be closed. I knew Drew would be dumb enough to sleep with Leah right next door. That thought was only a fleeting one, actually, since I didn't believe anything was happening between them any longer. I just didn't want to have to deal with seeing her with him. I did wonder, however, why he hadn't bothered to check on his brother.
I said a little thank you when I opened the door and saw that the connecting door between our rooms was indeed closed. Although it was only about 10:30pm, it had been such as emotionally draining day, I had decided to try to go to sleep. I brushed my teeth and stripped off my clothes. I padded across the room, just in my boxers and unlocked the connecting door, being as quiet as possible so that Drew wouldn't hear me. I climbed into bed and pulled the covers up. Grabbing a spare pillow, I hugged it against my chest. Apparently the doors to the hallway did not muffle sound, but the walls were thick enough where I didn't hear Drew and Leah.
I don't know what time it was, but I woke up with Drew sitting on my bed looking down at me. I had been sleeping, although it was the restless kind of sleep that I had been experiencing over the last week. I had continued to have the same dream over and over.
"Hey, baby."
"Through entertaining your ex-fiancé?" I asked, somewhat surprised at how lucid I was so soon after waking up.
"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."
"Probably a good idea," I responded, not looking for a fight. "Did you check on your brother? He was a mess."
"Yeah, I just came from there. He'll be okay."
"But it's over, isn't it?"
"I think so."
I sighed, feeling very sad all of a sudden.
"Can I make love to you?" Drew asked.
"You mean you want to fuck me?"
"What? Where did that come from?"
"Never mind," I sighed. "I don't think that's such a good idea."
"Why?"
"Because of her."
"Alex!" he said, sounding exasperated. "Nothing happened between Leah and I. We're just friends. Besides, she leaves tomorrow morning."
"I'm just confused with your priorities, Drew. Your brother breaks up with the love of his life and you're in your room laughing with Leah."
"Look, Alex. When Justin got to Nick's room, he called me on my cell and told me what was going on. At that point, I was calming Leah down after her battle with Jess. Justin told me that Nick was asleep and that I should stop by later. He promised to call me as soon as Nick woke up. Besides, Leah is leaving tomorrow and I wanted to spend some more time with her."
"I see," I said in a condescending tone.
"She's one of my best friends! Do I get jealous when you spend time with Mike?"
"I've never slept with Mike."
"You're right, you haven't," he replied, sounding remarkably in control considering how I was badgering him. "I know all of this has been hard on you. You've handled it amazingly well and I give you a lot of credit. I love you, baby. It's that simple. I just want to be with you tonight. We don't have to have sex, but I do want to be able to hold you."
Without saying anything, I let go of the pillow that I was still clutching against me. I pulled back the covers, giving Drew the invitation he needed. He stood up and peeled off his clothes, down to his underwear. He climbed in bed next to me. I felt his cold feet brush against my leg and I involuntarily shivered.
"We're going to be fine," he whispered in my ear. "Just because Nick and Jess are breaking up doesn't mean we can't make this work. I love you Alex."
My emotions got the best of my and I felt a tear slide down my cheek. Drew reached around and pulled me close to him. I felt his chest press up against my back. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine a life with him. I didn't know if we would make it. He took me by surprise when he started to sing softly to me.
"If anything could last forever, it's what I feel for you. Oh baby, you touch my heart in ways, that words could never say. That's why I'll always love you."
There was a tenderness in his voice that I only heard when he was singing. When I heard the words, I almost believed that we could make it work. I drifted off to sleep, hoping but still not really trusting that we would make it. Only time would tell.
To be continued...
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