Do not break any laws by reading this. That means if you are under age, stop now and visit an educational site. Any questions? If so, please read the disclaimer on the first installments. Also, remember this is fiction. I have never met any of the celebrities in the story and I have no knowledge of their private lives.
Here we go again! Time for another installment of "that cliffhanger story". I swear, most of the email I get is people complaining about the cliffhangers. Don't you realize that the more you complain, the more cliffhangers I'm gonna write. Hehehe.
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Special thanks to Lincoln, my un-official editor. And, thanks to Jase for being Jase. Take care and be good,
Thack
Given the circumstances, it wasn't nearly as unpleasant as I thought it might be. Fortunately, the bathroom in my hotel room was pretty big. There was plenty of room for me to sit on the floor just behind Jeff. I gently rubbed his back as he threw up everything he'd eaten since Christmas. I sighed, remembering back to the years when I was drinking heavily. If there is such a thing, I was definitely a lucky alcoholic. By that I mean I rarely got a hangover and I never got sick.
"Stay there," I said softly when he seemed to be finished.
I stood up and ran warm water on a washcloth. As I handed it to him, I realized his shirt would have to go, as he wasn't exactly the most accurate shot. As he wiped his face, I had him stand up. After I unbuttoned and removed his shirt, I carefully placed it in one of those plastic bags you find in hotels for dry cleaning.
"Do you think you can live without that or should I get it cleaned?"
He made a motion with his hand to indicate it wasn't worth the trouble. I surveyed the contents of the bathroom and found what I was looking for.
"Here," I said, handing him the tiny bottle of mouthwash that was standing among the shampoo, conditioner, and hand lotion. "Rinse and spit."
He did as he was told. Next, I gave him a bit of water to drink.
"Feel any better?" I asked.
"I guess," he said, trying to smile.
"Do you think you're done?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, then let's get you in bed."
I led Jeff into the bedroom and instructed him to get undressed. If he was uncomfortable because of the kiss I never would have known because he easily stripped down to his boxers. He crawled into bed and I tucked him in.
"Let me know if you need anything," I said.
"Thanks, Alex," he said softly.
I shut off the lights and sighed. With only the one king bed in the room I decided to try to get some sleep in the easy chair. Given the events of the night, I didn't think it was right to share the bed.
"What the fuck do I do now?" I said out loud, nearly laughing.
When I woke up I realized I was in a rather uncomfortable situation. After spending a good half hour trying to get fall asleep, I finally gave up on the easy chair and moved to the bed. I rationalized that Jeff was probably dead to the world and the likelihood of him doing anything further was slim. I also realized that he would never do anything to make me uncomfortable and simply put, I wasn't interested in being with him.
Sometime in the middle of the night, however, Jeff must have discovered he was no longer alone. Perhaps seeking some sort of comfort, he had pulled me close to him. He was lying on his side and he had one arm wrapped around me. I was facing away from him, but I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. As carefully as I could, I crawled out of bed without waking him.
He woke about two hours after I did, at about 1pm. I was sitting at the table working on my laptop. By that time, I'd already ordered room service, making absolutely certain the room service waiter didn't come in the room and see Jeff. I looked over at Jeff as he yawned and sat up in bed.
"Morning," he said.
"Not really," I chuckled. "How are you feeling?"
"My head hurts."
"It should," I laughed again. "How much of last night do you remember?"
After I asked the question, I realized I didn't want to know the answer. I knew how I felt about Jeff, but I wasn't sure I was ready to get into an emotional discussion about it. Plus, I had no idea where his head was at.
"Well," he began. "Not much. I remember there was some woman hanging all over me and I wasn't interested. Carson picked up on it and rescued me. We ended up doing tequila shots for quite awhile. That was probably about 1am. Then at some point I was on stage singing a reggae version of 'Because of You.' And the fight with Drew."
"Anything else?"
"You mean how I came over here and puked in your bathroom for twenty minutes?"
"I guess," I said, a little relieved he seemed to have forgotten.
He had managed to prop himself up against the headboard as he was talking to me. I glanced over and noticed that he had closed his eyes. I went back to typing on my laptop, figuring he had fallen back asleep.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, startling me somewhat.
"What?" I asked, trying to play dumb.
"The kiss," he said quietly.
"I don't know," I answered honestly. "Do you?"
"We need to."
"I know, but it doesn't need to be right now. If you don't want, that is."
I turned in my chair so that I could face him. I recognized the look on his face, simply because I knew exactly how he felt. It looked like he was trying to form the words to convey his thoughts, but they just wouldn't come.
"I didn't realize." I began. I stopped, not knowing how to talk about it. "It's okay if you're gay."
"I'm not," he said in an even tone.
"But if you are." I said, trying to get my point across.
"I know," he responded. "But I'm not."
"Then why the kiss?"
"It just sort of happened, I suppose. The alcohol probably had something to do with it. I've never really been attracted to a guy. I mean I can appreciate someone who is attractive. And you know I don't have a problem with someone being gay, but I'm not gay. Does that make sense?"
"I think so," I replied. "There are people out there that think it's disgusting. Then you have those that can understand it intellectually but they still get weirded out by it. But I guess you fall into the category of people who totally accept it."
"I do."
"I still don't get it," I confessed.
"Well, it's no secret that I care about you, Alex. I think that you are an amazing guy. You're one of the best people I've ever met. And, I know you are going to disagree with me on that, but I won't let you. That humility is one of your best qualities. The obstacles you've overcome.I don't know. It's hard to put into words. After what I did to you when we first met, you had every right to come after me. But, you didn't. You gave me the benefit of the doubt and you let me in. All I know is that you deserve to have good things happen to you. And what Drew is doing to you is wrong. You deserve someone better. You deserve someone like."
His voice trailed off. He pursed his lips and started to look away. Our eyes met and I could read the confusion on his face.
"Someone like you?" I asked quietly.
"Yes," he said, somewhat exasperated. "But it's not a sexual thing. I just want the best for you, Alex. You deserve that. So, for a minute last night I sort of thought that was me." He stopped for a moment to try to gather his thoughts. "This doesn't even make sense to me, Alex. Rationally it doesn't work. There's no way for us to be together because I'm not gay. But for a second last night I imagined what it would be like to be with someone that I really cared about. And I was jealous."
"Jealous? Of what?"
"Of what you have with Drew. Even though you probably are ready to throttle him, you're not ready to give up, are you?"
"No. I love him, Jeff."
"And that's what I want," he said. "I want someone worth fighting for."
"What about Patricia?"
"That's been over for a long time now. We haven't been together in months. Plus, it wasn't what you have with Drew."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize."
"It's okay," he interrupted. "We're together mostly for Alyssa."
We sat there for nearly a full minute. Each of us was trying to figure out what to do next. A took a deep breath and began.
"You know this can't happen."
"I know," he said. "Even if Drew wasn't in the picture I still know it wouldn't happen."
I looked into his eyes and he slowly nodded. He did his best to smile but I could tell it was forced.
"Do you want me to tell him?" he asked.
"We don't have to."
"Yes," he said. "We do. Maybe it will make him realize what he's doing. Regardless, though, he needs to know. I don't want to be responsible for a secret between the two of you. I've been after him for six weeks now to tell you about Lea. I couldn't bear to be the reason you are lying to him."
I stopped and thought about what Jeff was saying. In my mind I ran different scenarios about what might happen when Drew found out. I sighed, not happy with what I was thinking.
"No," I said forcefully. "We're not going to tell him. Not right now, anyway. He and I have plenty of things to deal with, Jeff. This would be too much for either of us to handle right now."
"But I don't want you to lie to him."
"And I won't, Jeff," I said, trying to reassure him. "I need to talk to him and figure out what Lea means to him. Until that is settled, this doesn't matter."
He looked at me and I could see the hurt in his eyes.
"Shit!" I said. "That didn't come out right. Jeff, you know you matter to me. Sometimes I think you might matter more than Drew."
"Why do you say that?"
"Well," I hesitated, "our friendship is something I didn't really expect. I've only known you for a couple of months now but I feel like I've known you for my entire life. It took years for me and Mike to get close. I just think that this friendship is going to stand the test of time, but my relationship with Drew might not."
I hadn't planned on saying that. In fact, I didn't really think it; it came straight from my heart. That's what I was feeling. In the course of a day I went from wanting to pledge my life to Drew and give him a ring to doubting if he really loved me.
"But you just told me you love him," Jeff said softly.
"I do, but what about Lea? Is he ready to give up everything for me?"
Across the room a cell phone began ringing. Although we all had the same type of phone, each was programmed with a different ring so I immediately recognized it as Jeff's. I motioned for him to stay in bed, as it would be quicker for me to retrieve it for him. Before he answered I let him know I was going to hop in the shower, since I hadn't done that yet.
As I let the water run over my body, I tried to process my conversation with Jeff. It was clear that he loved me and the feeling was mutual. We both recognized that a sexual relationship would never happen between us. Still, there was a connection between us that I couldn't clearly define. To make matters worse, I had just admitted to Jeff and to myself that I wasn't sure Drew was ready to commit to a relationship with me. Those thoughts scared me more than I was willing to admit.
Turning off the water, I stepped out of the shower and heard voices in the bedroom. I quickly dried off and threw on the bathrobe that was hanging behind the door. I wasn't surprised to open the door and see Drew standing there. He didn't look good. He had on jeans and an oversized sweatshirt. A baseball cap was pulled low just over his eyes, which looked red and tired.
"Please talk to me," he said in a nearly inaudible voice.
"Okay," I said. "It's time."
Scene 110
"Have a seat."
Drew sat in the small chair by the window. He glanced over at Jeff, perhaps wondering why I was in a bathrobe and Jeff was in my bed in just a pair of boxers. There was an odd tension in the room and I couldn't tell if it was primarily coming from Jeff or Drew.
"I'm going to jump in the shower and get cleaned up," Jeff said, breaking the awkward silence. "Thanks for letting me crash here last night, Alex."
"I didn't have much of a choice, did I?" I said, trying to make it sound like a joke. For Drew's benefit, I added an explanation. "First you knock on my door. Then you hurl and nearly pass out. It's not like I was going to drag you up to your room."
"Sorry about that," he said sheepishly.
"Don't worry about it." I grabbed some things out of my suitcase and handed them to him. "You'll need something to wear."
Jeff thanked me, disappearing into the bathroom and shutting the door. I looked over at Drew, who seemed to be watching me like a hawk. I decided I needed to get dressed, but I felt strangely self-conscious. Despite the fact that Drew and I had made love many times, I was embarrassed to have him see me naked right then.
"He was really drunk last night," Drew said as I quickly dropped my robe and pulled on a pair of boxer-briefs, followed by the rest of my clothes.
"Well," I said as I finished getting dressed. "He ended up here."
"Obviously. Why, though?"
"He was worried about me."
"Because of me," Drew said.
"I think so," I replied.
"No. That wasn't a question. He was here because he's worried about what I'm doing to you."
"Oh."
"He thinks I'm doing this to hurt you."
"Can we stop talking about Jeff?" I said, letting a little too much emotion come through my voice. "What do you think you're doing to me?"
"I think I'm fucking up the best thing that's ever happened to me," he quickly responded, standing up and taking a small step towards me.
"Did you sleep with her?"
"No!" he cried out. "Not since before I met you."
"That's something, I guess."
"Look, Alex. I love you. You may not believe that right now but I do. I love you more than I've every loved anyone else in my life. For weeks now Jeff has been hounding me and telling me I needed to tell you about Lea. I just didn't know what to say. I didn't know how much you wanted to hear."
"You could start by telling me that you were engaged," I replied viciously.
"I did," he said meekly.
"Bullshit! Don't fucking lie to me, Drew."
"Okay," he retreated. "I was going to tell you before we got involved but it just didn't come up. And then, I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't think it really mattered."
All that time I had been looking right at him, but as he said those words I had to look away. I felt as though a dagger had been plunged into my gut.
"If I didn't matter, then why didn't you tell me about her. Why have you been hiding your relationship with her from me?"
"It's not a relationship," he said. "We're just friends."
"Then why didn't you tell me about her? Did you think I wouldn't approve? Do you think that little of me, Drew?"
"Of course not," he responded, sounding as though he was about to cry.
"Then why?" I nearly shouted. "Why not tell me?"
He looked at me, his eyes pleading for me to stop. I could feel the anger welling up within me. I was looking for a reason from him. I was looking for a sign that showed me that he was ready to commit to what he had. Or, rather, what I thought we had. Neither of us spoke for what seemed like forever.
"Did you kiss her?" I finally asked.
Drew looked at me and I could see his mouth start to move. For a split second I saw his eyes move, focusing on something behind me.
"No," he said.
"You fucking bastard! Don't you lie to him!"
I turned around and saw Jeff standing behind me. He was looking straight at Drew and I could see the fire in his eyes.
"What do you know?" I asked Jeff.
"He knows that I kissed her. Once," Drew said softly.
I turned to face him. He was looking down.
"Why lie to me?" I asked.
"Because I don't want to hurt you."
"It's too late for that," I responded curtly. "Maybe you should go."
Without words Drew turned and walked to the door. He placed his hand on the doorknob, perhaps contemplating some final words. I heard him sigh and for a moment I thought I heard him start crying. Moments later he was gone.
I closed my eyes briefly and felt Jeff reach around me from behind. He pulled me into a hug and gently rocked me.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
Scene 111
The next couple of days seemed to last forever. After my confrontation with Drew, I basically withdrew from everyone. Jeff tried desperately to get me to talk, but I just wasn't ready. I was trying to convince myself that Jeff's kiss wasn't a big deal. Something inside of me, however, knew it was something more.
My mind was constantly replaying everything that had happened to me. In what seemed like the blink of an eye my world was once again turned upside down. The man I had been contemplating spending the rest of my life with had suddenly shown signs that he might not be who I thought he was. To make matters worse, one of my closest friends, who always insisted he was straight, had just confessed that he had feelings for me.
"No you don't," Nick said, grabbing my arm. "You're sitting next to me."
Rather than argue, I simply walked along with Nick. It was just over 48 hours since Drew had quietly left my hotel room. Surprisingly, he hadn't once tried to contact me. We were boarding the plane for a cross-country trip to Los Angeles for the video shoot. I had arranged for two town cars to take us from the hotel to the airport. Drew purposely got in the other car that morning. After a few awkward moments waiting at the gate, we all silently walked down the jet way to the aircraft. I had planned on taking the one single seat but Nick had other ideas. Justin, who obviously knew the plan, grabbed my boarding pass and handed me his seat assignment.
"I'm not in the mood," I said to Nick as I slipped my carry- on under the seat in front of me.
Nick frowned and looked across the aisle at his brother. Drew was just two seats away, sitting by the window. He seemed to be staring intently at something out the window, but it was clear that he was just avoiding making any eye contact with me
"Do you want to tell me what's going on?" Nick asked after a few minutes.
"Not really."
"Just tell me."
"What do you know?" I asked, purposely being evasive.
"Damn it, Alex!"
"I told you I wasn't in the mood for this."
"I don't care," he replied. "Just tell me what's going on."
"It's complicated."
"And what relationship isn't?"
"How would I know that?" I spat back. "This is the first one I've been in."
Nick sighed. I had been watching his face and I could see fighting the urge to roll his eyes at me.
"I'm not here to attack you," he continued.
"Then you're failing."
"Alex!" he said, sounding extremely exasperated. "All I know is that you're upset with my brother because of Lea."
"It's a little more involved than that," I responded.
"Explain."
"He kissed her," I said. "And before you say a word that's not really the issue. The issue is that he lied to me about it. It's obvious I'm no saint. That whole mess with Aaron illustrates that perfectly well. But, I told Drew as soon as I could about it. This thing with Lea has been going on for months and he hasn't told me."
"There's something you need to know about my brother," Nick began.
"I don't mean to be an asshole here, Nick, but I don't want to talk about this any longer."
"Have you talked to anyone about this?"
"No," I said simply.
Nick nodded and turned to look out the window. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the seat. I took a deep breath and felt the plane begin to move. Opening my eyes, I noticed that the plane was being pushed back from the gate.
"I'm worried about you," Nick said quietly.
"Don't be," I said, not really meaning it.
"It's only been a couple of months."
"I'm not going to start drinking, Nick."
"Are you sure?"
"As sure as I can be."
"But this week is going to be hard for you. With Lea being at the shoot and everything."
"It will give me a chance to see how he is around her."
"Are you ready for that?" Nick asked. "He loves you, Alex. I'd stake my life on that. But, he can't just stop his feelings for her, even if he knows they couldn't be together."
I guess it wasn't until then that I saw the parallel. Judging by what he had said, Jeff was pretty much in the same situation. He may not have a sexual attraction to me, but he wanted that special bond. Perhaps that's what Drew was wanting with Lea. It didn't make it any easier on me, but it made a little more sense.
"Look, Nick. I can't do this right now. Not here, with him sitting across the aisle from me. If I promise to do something, will you just let it drop?"
"It depends," he replied.
"If you just leave me alone on this for awhile I'll promise you this. I promise that if I need help, I'll ask."
"Okay," he said reluctantly, perhaps knowing that he wasn't going to win the battle. "Remember Jess is going to be there and she'll know something is wrong."
"I know. Just let me get to LA first."
Nick reached out and grabbed my hand. He gently squeezed it. Again I closed my eyes and leaned back. I felt the plane speed up as we started down the runway. Just after we left the ground, the plane jostled and shook slightly as we hit a pocket of turbulence. I took in a deep breath and said a short prayer.
"Please let this all work out."
To be continued.
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