Scene 94
Dearest Drew,
First I want you to know that I'm doing okay. I know you don't fully understand why I can't see you right now, but it is for the best. Maybe it wasn't fair of me to spring that on you right before I left, but I didn't make up my mind until I got here. It just hit me that I needed to tackle this by myself. If I can't stand on my own two feet, there's no chance for us to make it. I'd simply pull you down with me and I love you too much to do that. It's scary, but ultimately it's the right thing for us.
It's only been 11 days, but I honestly feel better about myself. I won't get into all the things I've been through. I've done a lot of talking, a lot of thinking, and a lot of crying. I think it will easier if I don't talk about what goes on here. This has been one of the most intense experiences I've ever had. I don't think I'll ever be able to put it in words. It's really something you have to go through to understand, and I pray that you never have to go through it. I hope that all of this makes sense to you, Drew. I don't want you thinking that I'm trying to hide anything from you. I just don't know if I'm ready to talk about it.
I sent a resignation letter to the hotel. It was weird, since I wasn't able to talk to anyone about it. I'm sure I'll be on some sort of blacklist or something for leaving them high and dry. I also sent a separate letter to all of my employees. I was pretty honest with them, telling them about the cancer scare and that I am in rehab. They all have been good to me over the last couple of years, so I felt I owed them that much. I'm hoping that Mike told Sharon where I am. I'm sure he didn't, since he'd consider that breaking my trust. Can you do me a favor and call him? Let him know that he can tell her everything. Hopefully she will speak to me again.
Also, let everyone know that I love them. Let them know that coming here was the best thing for me and that they should feel good about confronting me. I'm going to be a better person because of it.
Drew, please know that I'm missing you terribly. It's hard because I haven't been able to talk to anyone here about you. I don't want to risk anyone finding out about us and then going to the press. I guess that's another reason why I didn't want you here. Some people know I'm gay and I've told the therapists that I have a boyfriend, but that's as much as I've said. I don't even have a picture of you with me. That's just the way it has to be right now. But, I think about you every day and I'm counting the hours until we're together again. I love you with all of my heart.
Alex
Scene 95
After thirty days in rehab I was reluctant to leave. I missed my life but at the same time I felt very safe there. It seemed like every waking hour (and some during the night), I was thinking about my alcoholism, but I didn't have access to alcohol so I couldn't slip up. I felt strong, but I was worried that I just had a false sense of security. I knew, regardless of what I went through, that I would always be a recovering alcoholic. It is a problem that never goes away.
The morning I left, I said goodbye to some of the people I'd met. After stopping by the registration desk, I simply walked out the front door. I don't know exactly what I was expecting, but it all felt decidedly unceremonious. I walked out into the bright sunlight and saw Drew standing there.
My heart skipped a beat and I felt as though the wind was knocked out of me. For as long as I live, I don't think I'll ever forget that moment. Even from a distance, I could see the sparkle in his eyes. Although he stood motionless, I could see the smile growing brighter on his face. In that instant, I knew that we were meant to be together. He completed me.
I dropped my bags and ran toward him. He stood there, bracing himself for my impending attack. I wrapped my arms around him, pushing him off balance and sending us both crashing to the ground.
"Ouch!" he said with a laugh.
"Sorry," I grinned back.
We stayed there for a moment, a tangle of arms and legs. We both enjoyed the contact but I think we were both aware of the public surroundings. Our real reunion, I knew, would have to wait until we were behind closed doors.
"So, how do you feel?" Drew asked as he helped me to my feet.
"Good," I replied, not really knowing what answer he was looking for.
"Really?" he asked hesitantly.
"Yeah," I said as confidently as possible. "I mean, it's a little weird. I kind of feel like I just got out of prison or something. I really didn't have any contact with the outside world."
"You couldn't watch TV or anything."
"I could have, but I sort of chose not to. It didn't really seem important."
"Oh."
"It's okay," I chuckled. "It doesn't make a lot of sense. Let's just get out of here, okay?"
"Sure," he said.
After grabbing my bags, we made our way to his car. Once safely inside, he looked at me and offered up a devilish smile.
"You have no idea how badly I want to kiss you right now," he said in a low, intense voice.
"A kiss? Is that all you want?"
He laughed as he started the engine. Without answering, he took off, heading for the freeway.
"Don't be mad," he said after we were driving about ten minutes. "But we're not going to be alone this afternoon."
"Huh?"
"There are some people that really want to see you."
"Are the guys in town?"
"Yeah."
"Well, as long as you and I can spend the night together, I think I can wait another couple of hours. I really want to see them. Besides, it's been 30 days. I think I can wait another eight hours."
"Actually, it's been 31, but who's counting."
I smiled to myself. Reaching across the car, I squeezed his leg. As nonchalantly as possible, I slid my hand up and gently cupped his crotch. He let out a small moan, letting me know our evening was going to be memorable.
"Do I really want to see Jeff, Justin, and Nick?" I asked jokingly.
"Don't tempt me," Drew responded.
"I'm kidding."
With Drew's crotch on my mind, I hadn't exactly been paying attention. I'm not sure how long we'd been driving, but I suddenly realized we had gotten off the freeway. My Southern California geography was a little suspect since I'd been away for so long, but from what I could tell we were in Anaheim Hills. We were driving up some small foothills into an area with some very large, very expensive looking homes.
"Welcome home," Drew announced as he turned into one of the driveways.
"Home?"
"For the next couple of days, anyway. We're at Jeff's house."
After Drew parked, I got out of the car and stretched. Hearing the commotion, I quickly turned to my left and knew it was my turn to get attacked.
Scene 96
"Alex!"
I don't know who yelled my name but suddenly I had both Nick and Jeff on top of me. Nick tried to pick me up while Jeff merely wrapped me up in a bear hug. Despite the fact that I felt completely smothered, I couldn't stop laughing. Before I knew it, the three of us were on the rolling around on the driveway.
"Is this payback for what I did to Drew?"
"Huh?" Nick asked with a comical grin on his face.
"Nothing," I said as I laughed.
"Looks like you need some help," Justin grinned, suddenly standing over the three of us.
"Only because of them," I cracked back.
Justin reached down and pulled me off the pile. In one quick motion he pulled me into a hug.
"It's good to see you, Chief," he whispered in my ear.
"Thanks," I replied.
After a round of hugs, we all started to head inside. Noticing that Drew wasn't with us, I turned and saw him lugging all of my bags in on his own.
"Sorry," I said sheepishly as I went to help him.
"I'm just glad you're here."
The house was a two-story Spanish style mansion. The foyer was impressive, with a grand staircase that led upstairs. Looking straight ahead, I could see the living room and the view of the valley off in the distance. It was beautiful, but something about it didn't seem right. The Jeff that I knew didn't really fit in these surroundings. It seemed too ostentatious.
"Follow me," Jeff said as he literally grabbed my hand. "There is someone I want you to meet."
We entered the living room and across the room I saw a woman sitting on the couch reading the newspaper. When she saw us she smiled and stood up. Then, from out of nowhere, I heard a tiny voice scream.
"Daddy!"
Looking down, I saw a little blond girl come running at Jeff. She squealed as she wrapped herself around one of his legs. He laughed and playfully lifted the leg, along with the girl.
"This little terror," he said to me, "is Alyssa."
I looked at him and smiled, thankful to finally meet her. Even though we didn't talk about his daughter much, I knew he was extremely devoted to her. It kind of hit me that despite everything I had gone through in the last couple of months, everyone's life had moved on.
"Thanks, Lori," Jeff said to the woman. "You can take a break. I'll watch her for awhile."
"Okay, I'm confused," I said over the giggles emanating from Jeff's feet. "Who was that?"
"Our nanny," he replied.
"Oh. Is." My mind completely blanked out. I stood there feeling very foolish because I couldn't remember Alyssa's mother's name.
"Patricia," Drew quickly added.
"Sorry," I apologized to Jeff. "I feel like an idiot. I was going to ask if Patricia was here."
"Don't worry about it. She left this morning on a business trip. She had to go to Tokyo for six days."
"Japan?"
"That's where it was the last time I was there," Justin offered with a grin.
"Very funny," I said as sarcastically as possible.
"Patricia works for an international banking firm. She always seems to be going somewhere. Sometimes I think she travels more than we do."
"No one travels more than we do, Sugar," Nick said.
"Daddy!"
"Whoa!" Jeff laughed. "It looks like someone is feeling ignored."
We all sat down in the living room and watched Alyssa play. Since I'd never really been around kids, I was fascinated and terrified all at the same time. I was deathly afraid she would come up to me and expect me to solve some problem or entertain her. Fortunately for me, she was a bit shy and she kept her distance. It was, however, quite obvious that she was comfortable around all the guys. She played catch with Drew and Justin and she used Nick as a makeshift jungle gym.
After a half hour or so, the guys began talking business. I sort of zoned out, trying not to think too much. I was feeling a little out of place. Just that morning I had left rehab. I felt like that day was the beginning of something, but I didn't know exactly what it was. Although I was surrounded by the guys, it felt strange to be in a house that I had never been in before.
For about ten minutes I had been staring out the window. The backyard had a large swimming pool, but I was staring out across the valley. It was a hazy afternoon, but I could see the mountains off in the distance. I had grown up in the shadow of those mountains, on the edge of the foothills. It was only an hour and fifteen-minute drive to my hometown, but the distance in my mind seemed nearly insurmountable. I was thinking about how my life had changed since I was a kid.
Trying not to catch anyone's attention, I got up and walked over to the patio door. I wanted to be alone. I unhooked the latch and slid the door open. Just as I was closing it, I heard someone's voice.
"No, Drew, you stay here. I'll go."
I skirted the pool and walked to the edge of the yard. There was a small wrought iron fence that separated the backyard from the hillside that sloped down into the brush. I leaned over, resting my elbows on the fence as I gazed across the valley.
"You don't have to check up on me," I said as I heard him approach.
"You heard that?"
"Yeah, Nick. I heard that."
"Sorry," he replied. "None of us really know what to do."
"It's okay. I appreciate the concern. I'm okay, you know."
"Honestly, I wasn't sure."
I turned and faced him. I could see the concern in his eyes.
"I'm okay," I repeated, trying to sound as sincere as possible.
"Did I do the right thing?" he asked.
"What do you mean?"
"By asking you to go to rehab?"
"Yeah, Nick. You did the right thing. Didn't you see my letter? I told Drew to tell everyone that it was the right thing for me."
"Drew told me," he sighed. "But I thought he might have made that up to make me feel better. I felt bad about the way I left things with you."
"There were a half dozen times I wanted to call you from the clinic. I felt bad about what happened, too. But, it was more than that. Ultimately, I decided I'd wait until I saw you. There's something you need to know, Nick. That day when everyone confronted me, you said something that really hurt me. I tried to forget about it but I never could. It was the kind of thing you hear about yourself that you don't want to admit is true. I couldn't shake it and finally I talked about it with my doctor."
"I'm sorry, Alex," Nick pleaded. "I never meant to hurt you."
"I know you didn't, Nicky. Just let me finish, okay?"
He nodded, but I could see he was getting very emotional.
"You told me that you thought I was hiding behind my alcoholism. You said that every time I did something that hurt someone I blamed it on my drinking. When you said that I was angry and hurt. I didn't understand why you would say something like that. It seemed like such a ridiculous thing to say. But, when I got in rehab I started to piece everything together. You were right, Nick."
He looked like he was about to speak, but no words came so I continued.
"Every time I did something that hurt someone, I'd always chock it up to my alcoholism. It wasn't that I did something; it was that my urge to drink made me do it. It wasn't until I got in rehab that I was finally able to own up to it. It may seem stupid, but I finally realized that I can screw up and it doesn't have to have anything to do with drinking. I finally know that I have the power to hurt people. I'm not perfect and not all of me is good."
"Alex, don't say that. You have the best heart of anyone I've ever met."
"I know that's not true, Nick, but it's nice to hear, anyway. Let's just say I realized that I'm not perfect. It's stupid to think that I might be."
"But you're always looking out for other people, Alex. Everyone knows that. I saw that when I first met you. I don't want you thinking that you're not a good person."
"Nick, that's not what I'm saying. I'm sorry I'm not being very clear. This is a hard thing to explain, I guess. It took me three weeks to figure it out with my doctor. The important thing is that I know now. No matter how many good deeds I do, I still have the power to hurt someone. There are times when my drinking problem is the cause of that, but there are also times when it's just me."
Nick looked like he was trying to formulate a response to my words.
"This is what I'm trying to say," I quickly said. "You're the reason I'm going to make it, Nick. I mean, maybe I would have figured it out on my own, but you got me thinking. Everything bad that's happened to me in the last ten years I've attributed to alcohol. It wasn't until you questioned that that I started to realize that bad things are going to happen to me. People are going to hurt me and I can do the same to them."
"So you think you were hiding behind the alcoholism?" he questioned.
"Yeah, I do."
"And you think that's the answer?"
"Yeah. I mean it's not as simple as that. I know there are going to be times when taking a drink will seem like the most important thing for me to do, but I recognize that drinking isn't the way to cover up my problems. I'm not going to give it that power."
Nick just stood there.
"That's it," I laughed nervously. "I know I'm going to hurt people. Most likely, it will be Drew. But I know now that my drinking isn't the cause of that. To me, that means I have the power to fix the things I screw up. That's a pretty major revelation for me, Nick. I owe you at least some of the credit for helping me discover that. Thanks."
Without words, Nick reached in and hugged me. He held me tight for what seemed like forever. When he finally let go, I motioned for us to head back inside to join the others. As we walked, I saw Nick reach up and wipe away a tear.
Scene 97
"So, do you think we can sneak away and go up to the bedroom?" Drew whispered to me.
We were all in the living room hanging out after dinner. Drew had sat down next to me on the couch and through the course of the evening we had managed to get closer, with our arms and legs intertwined. I had my right arm wrapped around him and I was absentmindedly rubbing his chest. For the first time in months, I was perfectly content.
That evening, the guys had been filling me in on what had happened in their lives over the last thirty days. Mostly, it was about business and their latest album. They were preparing for a publicity tour and then a concert tour that would start at the end of January. At one point, when Nick and I were alone, he shared with me some news about Jessica. He told me that after Drew and I left Florida to go to the clinic, he and Jess got into a major fight about Christian. He didn't offer many details; and I didn't push for them. He said that in the end they had resolved a lot of things and that they were doing okay.
"So, do you want to go upstairs with me?" Drew asked again.
"Sorry, honey," I responded, letting him know I had heard him. "I just don't want to desert everyone."
"Come on," he said as he stood up. "They won't mind."
He looked down at me with a devilish grin. I knew exactly what was on his mind. I wanted to be with him, too, but it just felt funny. I glanced over at Nick, who was talking to Justin about some papers in front of them. Jeff had just left the room to check on Alyssa.
"Come on," he repeated as he reached out and grabbed him hand. I smiled and let him pull me up off the couch.
I squeezed Drew's hand as we slowly ascended the stairs. His touch made my heart beat slightly faster. It had been over a month since we had been together and I was a little nervous about it. Each night as I lay in bed, I imagined Drew beside me. It was the only way I could ever fall asleep. As we approached the bedroom, I stopped and looked at him.
"What is it?" he asked.
"I'm not sure about this."
"Oh."
"No," I replied. "I want you more than ever. But, it's just that everyone's here. I mean they are all downstairs and they know exactly what we're gonna do. This is Jeff's house, after all."
"Trust me, baby. The three of them are probably wondering why we waited this long. You should have heard the way they teased me this past week. And Jeff was the worst. You know how crude he can get."
I laughed, thinking about some of the things Jeff had said to me since I'd known him.
"Okay," I grinned. "You can ravage me."
"Smart ass," Drew smirked.
Instead of responding with an even more inappropriate comment, I simply opened the door to the bedroom and led Drew inside. What I saw took my breath away. The lights were off and the room was filled with candles. The flickering light created shadows that danced across the walls. The bed and floor were strewn with red rose pedals and soft music played in the background. Right near the door was a gleaming silver champagne bucket. In it, surrounded by ice, sat two glass bottles of Coke.
"Did you do all this?" I asked.
"I wish I had," he responded. "It's pretty amazing. My guess is that Jeff was doing more than checking on Alyssa."
"You think it was Jeff?"
"It was Jeff," he smiled as he grabbed a small note card sitting on the table.
"To Drew and Alex," he read out loud. "I don't know if I've ever met two people who will give up so much of themselves to make someone else happy. It's an amazing thing and I hope I find that some day. That said, get busy! Jeff."
We both laughed. I reached over and pulled the Coke bottles out of the champagne bucket. Twisting off the tops, I poured it into the crystal glasses that were sitting on the table. I handed Drew a glass and looked down at the rose pedals strewn across the carpet.
"Sorry it's not real champagne," I said meekly.
"Don't ever be sorry about that," he said firmly. "Look at me."
When I didn't look up he reached out and gently touched my chin. I looked up and our eyes met. He let his hand sweep across my cheek to the back of my head.
"I don't care if I never have another drop of alcohol, as long as you and I are together. Do you understand that? You mean everything to me, Alex."
He took the champagne glass from my hand and put it along side his own on the table. He turned to face me and I saw a lights from all the candles highlight his face. There was a sparkle in his eyes and some small part of me thought that I might have put it there.
"I love you, Alex."
I stepped forward and kissed him. It started as a tender kiss but the passion between us took over. Our tongues fought each other and I felt his hands slide down my back and grab my butt. The kiss ended and Drew quickly pulled me toward the bed. We fell against each other, bouncing slightly on the mattress and causing a small storm of rose pedals to fly above us.
"I want you to make love to me," I said as I pushed him onto his back. I straddled his torso and quickly removed my shirt. He reached up and tweaked one of my nipples.
"We have plenty of time for that," he smiled.
"No!" I said forcefully. I reached behind me and grabbed his cock through the denim of his jeans. "I need you now."
I jumped off of him and quickly stripped off my clothes. My dick was already hard just from the thought of being with Drew. I watched at he started to grin as I unbuttoned his pants and peeled them off. The tent in his boxers made it obvious he was as excited about all of this as I was. In a heartbeat he was as naked as I was.
"How prepared do you think Jeff was for us?" I asked as I reached over to the nightstand, already anticipating what I'd find.
"Huh?" Drew questioned.
I reached into the top drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a small bottle of lube with a small red ribbon tied around it. Drew started laughing when I showed it to him.
"That horny little bastard," he chuckled. "Remind me to thank him tomorrow."
"Oh, wait!" I exclaimed. "There's more in here. But we can use the toys later."
"Toys?" he said, sounding very surprised.
"All you need it me right now," I said, grabbing his cock and slathering it with lube.
"That's the truth!"
I straddled him again, allowing him to gently enter me. It had been a long time since we had been together and I felt a bit of pain, but that quickly subsided. With Drew on his back, I could control the tempo, all the time staring into his beautiful eyes. After several minutes, he put some lube on his hand and began stroking my dick. That was more than I could stand. Seconds later I came. One shot flew up and landed on Drew's chin, surprising him. He cried out and the next thing I knew he was filling me with his cum. We collapsed on top of each other, a sticky mess.
"I love you," I whispered in his ear.
"Me, too."
I sighed, wishing that the moment could last forever, but knowing it never would. But for that one brief second, I was happy.
To be continued.
Aargh! I hate writing the sex scenes. LOL. Thanks for reading. Send feedback to: thack98@mindspring.com