Do not break any laws by reading this. If you are in doubt if you are breaking a law, stop reading. That means if you are under age, stop now and visit an educational site. Any questions? If so, please read the disclaimer on the first installments. Also, remember this is fiction.
I'll avoid any philosophical musing this time. Thanks for reading. To those of you who have emailed me, I do appreciate it.
Jase, I love you.
Send feedback to thack98@mindspring.com
Thack
Scene 52
Since Drew was still lying on top of me, I couldn't see who was standing in the doorway. All I could see was Drew's face, which was just inches from mine. The joy I had seen just moments ago had disappeared. Clearly he knew the voice because I could the embarrassment in his eyes.
As he rolled off of me I got a clear view of the door. Standing in front of Nick was a petite woman with beautiful blond hair. She had a radiant smile. Nick had his hands planted on her shoulders. He, too, had a wide grin.
"Jess!" Drew called out as he struggled to stand up. Suddenly he realized what she walked in on and the embarrassment registered again. "Oh, Jess. But I thought you couldn't be here."
"I wasn't supposed to be here, but Nick somehow worked it out."
"That's who I wanted you to meet," Nick chuckled, looking down at me also. "Jess, this is Alex."
Jess looked down at me and smiled.
"Pleasure to meet you," I laughed, still lying flat on my back and making no attempt to get up.
"The pleasure's all mine," she smiled.
Still a bit dazed at the turn of events, I simply laid there taking everything in. Just moments ago I had confessed my love to Drew and now I was surrounded by Nick and his girlfriend.
"Get up!" Drew commanded, gently kicking me in the side. He looked down at me and glared. I wasn't sure what I was doing wrong but I stood up as quickly as possible.
Drew turned his attention to Jessica. The silence in the room was deafening. Although I didn't know the reason, I could feel a heavy tension in the air.
"Come here, Sprout," Jess said, reaching out to Drew. He hesitantly walked forward and she grabbed him and hugged him. It looked funny. This tiny girl had her arms wrapped around Drew. Even without seeing his face, I could tell he was relieved. "Let's go somewhere and talk, okay? I'm sure Nick can preoccupy Alex until you get back."
As they walked out of the room, Nick reached over and tousled his brother's hair, which prompted Drew to playfully punch him. It was a touching display of sibling affection.
"It's good to see you," I said after they had left.
"You, too," he said as he pulled me into a hug. Not to take anything away from Drew, but Nick gives the best hugs. I always feel safe in his arms.
"So, what was that all about? I swear it looked like Drew was going to kill me if I didn't get up."
"That," Nick said, "was a classic display of my little brother's insecurities."
"Be nice," I warned. "He has some very legitimate reasons to feel that way."
"I know, but not in this case."
"What's going on?"
"He and I were talking last week," Nick began, "and the subject of Jess came up. He said he knew that I tell Jess everything. He was worried I would tell her that he's gay."
"You wouldn't do that, would you?"
"No. At least not intentionally. But she knew that Drew and I were having some problems. When I told her I couldn't tell her why she got suspicious. She's great at reading people and I think she was beginning to figure it out."
"How did she manage that?"
"After he broke up with Lea she started to put two and two together. After all, you don't just call off an engagement for no reason."
"They were engaged?"
"Sorry," he said, reaching out to touch my shoulder. "I thought you knew."
"He didn't tell me that. I guess I'm not surprised. He still loves her, that pretty apparent."
"Don't go reading anything into that, Alex. You're right. He is still in love with her but it's not the same. I've never seen him like he is with you. Jess picked up on that."
"So did Drew come out to her?" I asked.
"I tried to get him to do it. I could tell he really wanted to, but he wouldn't. He was afraid she wouldn't accept him. In the end, he told me I could tell her."
"And did you?"
"Of course. It's what he wanted. And, she took it in stride. It's not a big deal to her. She absolutely adores my cousin, Matt. I told that to Drew but you know him. Or, at least, you will," he smiled. "If he has it in his head that something is going to be a problem, he'll make it one despite any evidence to the contrary. I told him Jess was cool with it but he didn't exactly believe me. That's why I didn't tell him she'd be here. And I didn't really know she'd be able to make it until yesterday. I didn't want to tell Drew because he was already freaking out over seeing you."
"Really? Did he tell you that?"
"Not exactly. He and I still aren't back where we used to be. Like I said, if Drew wants something to be a problem, he'll make it one. It'll get better. I think he just needs a little more time. I worry about him but I do have a couple of spies who keep me informed about the workings of my brother's mind."
"Hmm," I said. "Might that be Jeff and Justin?"
"Who else?" he laughed. "They're in the living room, if you want to see them. But before you go out there, you may want to fix your hair and buckle up your belt."
I could feel myself blush as I tucked in my shirt and fastened my belt.
"And maybe," Nick continued. "Maybe next time you should lock the door. I don't think I ever want to see my baby brother like that."
"Nick," I said, suddenly very serious. "It's not what you think. Nothing happened."
"It was just a joke. I know Drew doesn't believe me but I thought you did. I'm really okay with you seeing him. He loves you."
"And I love him."
My words caught Nick off guard. He looked at me and studied my face.
"You do?"
"I told him this afternoon."
"Good," he said. "It's about time."
"What?"
"Even with everything that happened there, I saw it in Florida. I'm glad you could finally say it."
"Why is it that I was the last one to know I was falling in love with him? The second I got back home from being in Florida Mike was insisting I was in love."
"Don't ask me to explain love. I may sing about it and write songs about it but I don't have any answers for you."
I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing what to say.
"Come on," he said, "let's go see Jeff and Justin."
I sighed and walked to the door. Nick followed me, placing his hands on my shoulders, gently squeezing them.
"Welcome to the family," he whispered.
Scene 53
"Look what I found," Nick announced as we walked into the living room.
"Hey, Prez!" Justin called out.
"Prez?" I questioned. I knew Justin had a rather colorful vocabulary but this one I didn't get.
"You know, like the President. Alexander Jackson."
Jeff and I burst into laughter while Justin and Nick tried to figure out what was so funny.
"Wrong!" Jeff practically yelled. "It was Andrew Jackson, the seventh President of the United States."
"Impressive," I commented to Jeff.
"Thank you very much."
"Any time."
"Enough, already," Justin broke in. "So I didn't pay attention in social studies."
"It's cool," I said as I walked over to where they were sitting. "I've never really had a nickname before."
"Really?" Justin asked. "We can do better than that. Let me think about it."
I rolled my eyes, not sure I wanted Justin to saddle me with a nickname. After all, Drew was "Sprout", Jeff was "Sugar", and Nick was occasionally known as "Hollywood". Perhaps the best (or worst depending on your point of view) was Justin's: "Big J".
I sat down on the couch between Jeff and Justin. Justin reached out and shook my hand, while Jeff leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I tried not to, but I'm sure I blushed.
"So where is your better half?" Justin asked me.
"He's talking to Jess," Nick said.
"So is this 'the talk'?" Jeff asked.
Nick chuckled. "From what I could tell it is."
"Is he that worried about how she'll react?" I asked.
"You have to learn something about Drew," Justin said. "He needs to be in control. He's the one who is always keeping us on schedule and making sure we have everything we need. When things get out of whack he has the tendency to stress about it."
"But he can't control how other people feel about him," I said.
"Of course not," Jeff agreed. "But that's something he has learn on his own."
For a moment I thought back to when I had just came out. I may not have ever been someone who always needs to be in control like Drew, but I certainly got stressed out over how people thought of me.
"Well," Nick said. "In this case we have nothing to worry about. Jess loves him and I honestly believe that it's not a big deal to her." He looked at me. "I mean, it is a big deal because it's who he is but it's not to her. Does that make any sense?"
"Of course it does. I know what you mean."
"I hate to break up this meeting of the brain trust," Justin chimed in. "But if we are going to make it to dinner on time we should probably start getting ready. Nick, you should try to get Jess and Drew ready. You're coming, aren't you, Alex?"
"Of course. I just have to go back to my room to get changed. What should I wear?"
"We're going to the Morton's. It's a coat and tie place, if you brought it."
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be back soon," I said as I stood up.
"Wait a minute, Alex," Jeff called out. "I need some fashion advice. Do you mind coming to my room with me?"
"Sure," I said, hesitantly, certain there was an ulterior motive here. Of any of them, Jeff was the last one who needed clothing advice. He always looked like a runway model when he went out.
"What gives?" I asked when we got to his room. "You've seen my wardrobe. I don't think I can help you."
Jeff shut the door behind him. He walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. I was surprised but I hugged him back. He held me in the embrace for a long time.
"I'm so glad you're okay," he whispered.
"What do you mean?" I asked once he let go.
"The test."
It suddenly dawned on me that Jeff was referring to my HIV test. Instantly I felt a wave of guilt pass through me. Jeff must have been concerned about my HIV status. Of course, both Nick and I knew that I was okay, but Jeff, Justin, and Drew did not. I felt horrible. If I had been honest with Jeff about being a virgin, it never would have been an issue.
"I was worried," he said.
"You really shouldn't have been."
"Why not?"
"You just shouldn't have, that's all."
For a split second I thought of telling Jeff the truth. My mind quickly weighed the options. I didn't want to deceive him, but if I told him then he might have thought I didn't trust him with the information. I felt caught. I knew that the last thing I should have been doing was hiding the truth from Jeff. I trusted him.
"I wanted to call you," Jeff said. "But I didn't know if Nick had told you he had talked to me about it. I didn't want you thinking I was trying to pry into your private life."
"I wouldn't have thought that, Jeff. You've been more of a friend to me than you probably realize. I'm sorry I lied to you. I don't want to make a habit of it."
"How did you lie to me?" he asked.
"I just.it's nothing. I don't want to make it a bigger deal than it is. I'm touched that you were worried about me. I don't have many people who do that for me. The bottom line is that I'm okay. I'm healthy and there's no reason to think that will change."
"Good," he smiled. "You know I'm not the only one who worries about you."
"Are you thinking of one person in particular?"
"Well, we all do. But if you want to get specific I can narrow the list down to one name."
"Something happened this afternoon, Jeff. It's pretty big."
"What?"
I paused, partially for dramatic effect and partially because it felt funny to say out loud.
"I told Drew that I love him."
"Good," he said. "It's about time."
A feeling of d‚j… vu struck me.
"Jesus!" I cried out. "You, too? Did everyone on the planet know I was in love before me?"
"Probably," Jeff laughed. "I take it Drew was happy to hear this news."
I couldn't help but grin, thinking of how Drew and I ended up falling off the bed earlier.
"Get some action?" Jeff asked.
"Jeff Timmons!" I yelled.
"Okay. Okay. Question withdrawn," he laughed.
I could feel myself turning a bright red. Oddly enough, I could also feel my dick begin to rise slightly just thinking about being with Drew. I quickly thought of some unpleasant thought and everything returned to normal.
"So," Jeff began, "do you want dress to impress your man?"
"Huh?"
"I'm not knocking your wardrobe. Really, I'm not, but I think we can do better right here. I went on a little buying spree this afternoon with Justin. I bought something that would look great on you. You're a little taller than me but I still think it will fit you. Are you game?"
"I guess I am," I said in a mock-serious tone. "That is, after I get over the insult. I thought I dress pretty well."
"Alex, no! I didn't mean to."
"I'm kidding," I laughed.
"Okay, then," he said. "Take off your clothes."
Scene 54
I was skeptical when Jeff brought up the idea but I had to admit I looked pretty good. It definitely wasn't something I would have ever picked out for myself. In fact, I couldn't even afford the clothes I had on. The Armani suit I was wearing probably cost more than one of my paychecks. Jeff had tried to give it to me, but I only agreed to wear it if he lent it to me.
It was quite an outfit. The suit itself was a deep charcoal gray. It had a subtle texture to the fabric that made it feel almost like suede. The jacket was the three-button style. It fit amazingly well, considering it wasn't altered for me. To me, Jeff seems so much more muscular than me but maybe I'd been underestimating myself. Fortunately I did have a good upper body because the shirt Jeff had me wearing left absolutely nothing to the imagination. It was pretty much a see-through black shirt. When he handed it to me I immediately balked but he somehow managed to coax me into wearing it. It went perfectly with the suit and it was perfect for Vegas. The outfit was a blend of sophistication and daring.
"Damn! That looks good on you," he commented as he came out of the bathroom.
"Thanks," I said, blushing. "You don't look half bad yourself."
Jeff had on a black suit with a maroon shirt and tie that resembled something that Regis would wear on Millionaire. He looked like he had just stepped out of the pages of a fashion magazine.
"Come on," he said. "Let's go see if everyone's ready."
We walked out to the living room and I saw everyone except Drew. I immediately noticed Jessica. She was wearing an incredible dress that made her look like a movie star. Nick and Justin were also dressed nicely but I soon found out I was the one who would be getting all the attention.
"Whoa!" Nick practically shouted. "Jeff, what did you do to Alex?"
"That's it," I said, turning to go back to Jeff's room. "I'm going to change."
"Don't you dare," Jess commanded. "You look incredible. It's very sexy."
"I won't comment on that," Nick smiled, "but you do look great. It's just very different than how any of us have seen you. But, hey. This is Vegas."
"And Drew is going to love it," Jess added.
"Love what?"
Drew had just walked in behind me. He was standing beside Jeff. I don't know if he could see me at all, but I knew he couldn't see the shirt I was wearing. I took a deep breath and slowly turned so he could see the entire outfit. I offered up a small smile, hoping he would approve of my new, yet ephemeral look.
"Oh my God!" he said. "Alex?"
"Who else would it be you knucklehead?" Justin laughed.
"You look incredible!"
I suddenly realized I was the center of attention, which is nothing I ever enjoy. I could feel my face getting red and I was certain it would soon match Jeff's shirt. Fortunately, Jeff picked up on my sudden embarrassment and jumped in to save me.
"Nick,' he said, "don't you think we should be going?"
"Yeah, we're going to be late."
Nick held out his arm for Jess and they walked to the door. Justin made a similar move and Jeff scampered past me to join him. The two guys giggled like schoolgirls as they mocked Nick and Jess. That left me and Drew to follow.
"You look so incredible," Drew said softly so that only I could hear. "Not that you don't always."
"Thanks," I whispered back. "You have Jeff to thank for this. I never would have done it without his coaxing. It's not really me."
"Good. I don't want any other guys seeing you dressed like that when I'm not around."
"Don't worry, Drew. I only have eyes for you."
He tried valiantly but he couldn't stifle the laughter. Seconds later I joined him.
"Did I really just say that?" I asked.
Jeff and Justin were about five paces ahead of us as we walked down the hall to the elevator. In unison they both turned and said, "Yes, you did."
"Hey!" Drew said, coming to my rescue. "Mind your own business. You're just jealous because you've only got each other tonight."
Surprisingly, neither of them had a snappy comeback.
Once we made our way to lobby, we discovered that Nick had arranged for an SUV. As he climbed behind the wheel he commented that he didn't want to worry about getting a limo. I'm sure everyone I was with but me had made a decision like that before at some point in their lives. I merely smiled; amazed at the company I was keeping. Nick seemed to know the town pretty well because he took a back route to the restaurant, avoiding the traffic jam that always happens on the Strip. We got to the restaurant in no time. Morton's of Chicago is a high-end chain of steakhouses. Although there is one in Minneapolis, I had never eaten there.
"I didn't know we were going to Morton's," Drew commented from the seat beside me. "Are you okay with that?"
I was immediately touched by Drew's question. Over lunch I had explained to him about my diet. I wasn't on a "diet" but rather I used the term to describe what I let myself eat. For health reasons I choose to elminate red meat and pork from my food choices.
"It's okay," I offered. "I knew we were coming here. I'm sure there will be at least one chicken or fish entr‚e."
"Did I hear you right?" Jessica asked from the front seat. "You don't eat steak?"
"Actually, no."
"Well, I hope you're not offended by it. You've got four Midwesterners and a Texas girl here."
"No problem," I laughed. "As long as Drew promises to brush his teeth. I don't really want to kiss a cow."
Everyone laughed except Drew.
"I think I should be offended by that," he announced. "But, I'm not really sure."
I laughed and kissed him on the cheek. In the darkness of the car, I also reached out and squeezed his thigh. He grinned that devilish smile of his but he couldn't do anything else because the valet had just opened his door. We all piled out and went inside.
"Welcome to Morton's, Mr. Lachey," the host said to Nick as we entered. "Please follow me."
I don't know what made me think of it at the time, but I was struck at how strange it must be to be famous. Everywhere the guys go they are known. Just from the short time I had known them, I had begun to doubt people's intentions when I was with them. It kind of bothered me but it seemed like everywhere they went there was another long lost friend waiting to greet them. I wondered how they could tell the difference between people who genuinely wanted to know them and the ones who just wanted to be around the fame. I also wondered if they ever questioned my intentions.
We were escorted back to a small private dining room. Judging by the size, it probably could fit about 12 to 15 people in it. In the center was a beautifully set table with pressed white linen tablecloths. We took our seats and I ended up sitting at the head of the table. To my left was Drew and my right was Jess.
The waiter came in to take our drink orders, interrupting the small talk at the table. Jess and I didn't order anything alcoholic, but everyone else did. Since Jess was only 20 she couldn't drink. I was a little surprised that Nick ordered a bottle of wine for everyone else.
"Are you ready to order?" the waiter asked. "Or, do you need more time?"
"No," Nick said. "I think we're ready."
To no one's surprise, everyone except me ordered a steak.
"Farm raised salmon?" I questioned the waiter. "Is that something like a free-range chicken?"
"Something like that," he smiled. "It's a salmon that was grown at a fish farm without any natural predators."
"Except us," I smiled.
"Right."
"I'll take that, thanks."
The waiter left, closing the door behind him and giving us total privacy.
"So," Jessica began, looking at Drew and me. "I want to hear how the happy couple met."
"Aren't we being forward," I laughed.
"What?"
"I don't know. It's just that until this afternoon I didn't even know we were a couple. Plus, I have to admit I'm a bit surprised at how comfortable you are with it."
"Why is that?" Nick asked.
"Perception, maybe. Preconceived ideas? I know it's not really fair, but I tend to stereotype Southerners as being not very open-minded. And, Jess, I know you are pretty religious."
"Just because I go to church doesn't mean I wouldn't accept you, Alex. Of course, not everyone in my Baptist church would agree with me, but I believe God made you who you are and the work of God is precious to me. I haven't always been so accepting, but it gets easier when you love someone who is gay."
At first I thought she was referring to Drew, but it dawned on me that she had just found out Drew was gay a couple of weeks ago.
"Matt," Drew said, reading my confusion.
"Right," she said. "I've known their cousin Matt for some time now. I wasn't sure how I felt about him at first, but when I saw how much Nick and Drew love him it was pretty simple."
I smiled and thought that I needed to meet Matt.
"So," Jeff said from the opposite end of the table, "are you going to tell her how you met or what? Since I masterminded the whole thing I think I should get most of the credit."
I simply laughed and started the story. As I talked, each one of the guys would interject comments, making me remember things that I had forgotten. The story continued when the food came. I was amazed at how complicated it had been. There were so many times Drew and I could have given up. By the time dessert was finished we had Jess caught up on everything she had missed. Drew and I did, however, skip almost all of what had happened in his bedroom that afternoon.
"So, where to now?" Justin asked as the valet pulled the SUV up after dinner.
"First," I announced, grabbing the keys. "I'm driving. You've had quite a few glasses of wine, Nick. There's no reason to take any unnecessary risks."
"I'm fine, Alex."
"No," Jeff interjected. "Let him drive, Nick."
I saw Nick look at Jeff and nod. I imagine they were thinking about that night that Nick had found Jeff drunk back in LA. After a few seconds Nick looked at me and nodded, letting me know I was right.
"Second," I continued. "I know we are in Vegas and that means we should probably do something crazy, but I was hoping I could spend some time with Drew. That is, as long as that's okay with him." Drew grinned. Clearly he was okay with my plan. "I'll take you guys anywhere you want, though."
"I was thinking of going to that club at the Luxor," Justin said. "But it's right next to our hotel. It's cool with me if we go back to our hotel. I can hop a cab or walk over."
"Can we go with you?" Jess asked Justin.
"Of course."
"Well I'm going, too," Jeff piped in. "I'm not about to play the third wheel."
"It's not like that, Jeff," Drew said, suddenly aware of the implication going on.
"Yeah," I said. "You're welcome to hang with us."
"Not my scene," he snickered.
I could feel myself blushing just as quickly as I saw Drew's face turn red. Without a snappy comeback springing to mind, I decided to playfully slug Jeff in the arm.
"Ouch!" he cried out. "I'm not into S&M either. Although, you do look pretty hot in that shirt of mine."
"That's enough!" I announced, climbing into the driver's seat. "We're leaving before Drew and I die of embarrassment."
I decided to drop everyone off at the Luxor so they could go to the club. Drew and I rode the few minutes to our hotel in silence. Although it was my idea, I was beginning to get nervous about being alone with him. I didn't know if I could stop us again if things got heated. I wanted to be with Drew so badly.
The second the elevator doors closed Drew grabbed me. Pressing me against the back wall he kissed me forcefully. His hands worked against my chest causing me to momentarily forget where we were.
"Not here," I whispered. "It's too dangerous."
I'm sure Drew thought I was referring to us getting caught together. I was worried about that, but it ran deeper.
"This is too dangerous," I repeated.
Scene 55
Drew slipped his key card into the lock and opened the door to the suite. The light was on in the foyer, but the rest of the living room was in darkness. I walked over to the wall and switched on the light.
"No," Drew said, brushing my hand away and shutting off the lights.
He grabbed my hand and guided me toward the window. He slid the drapes back, reveling the magnificent view. From our perch 35 stories above the ground, we looked out over the lights of the Strip. It was a dazzling view.
"This is what I want for you," he said, squeezing my hand. "I want to be able to show you the world like I've seen it. I've been blessed to be able to see things I never dreamed I'd get to see. I want that for you."
"But, don't you get it, Drew? That's not why I'm falling for you. I don't want all that. I don't care what you do. I'm not in this for the fame."
"That's not what I meant. I want you to be able to experience all the wonderful things I have. You deserve that. If I can give you that, shouldn't I try?"
"Not if it means giving up your dream."
"What are you talking about Alex?"
I pulled him over to the couch. We sat down and I turned on the lamp beside us. I hadn't planned on having that conversation with him. At least, not that night. But somehow it was on my mind. Maybe it was because he had been recognized at the arcade when I was with him earlier that day. Or maybe it was the way the host at the restaurant had treated us. Whatever triggered it, it was bothering me.
"I need you to know," I said, "that I'm not in this for money or for fame. I know we've talked about money before but I need you to understand that."
"I do."
"But it's more complicated than that, Drew. Like it or not, you're famous and that's a difficult thing for me to handle. Part of me wishes you were still an EMT because it would make things a lot easier. Can you imagine how great it would be to not have to worry about us getting caught? I know that's not fair. I can't change the situation and I'm not about to deny you your dream. I know that singing is something that brings you happiness. That's pretty apparent. But before we let this go any further, I think we need to talk about what's going to happen if someone finds out about us."
"We'll deal with it," he said quietly. I thought I heard a tremor of fear in his voice.
"We can't ignore this," I said. "I need to know what would happen. Coming out in public isn't really an option for you right now. I know that. It's not fair, but that's just the way it is."
"What would you do, Alex, if someone from the press asked you about me? Or about us?"
"Are you asking if I'd lie for you?"
He looked away from me before answering. "Yes."
I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to concentrate. I hadn't let myself think about these issues. It was all too complicated for me to figure out. I wasn't sure why I was pursuing it, but it felt like I needed to put my cards on the table. Part of me was scared that I would get hurt, but the bigger issue for me was that I might hurt Drew.
"I don't know," I sighed. "I know that I can't lie about myself. I would never deny being gay. I've come to far to let that happen."
"I would never let you do that," Drew interrupted.
"Thank you. That makes it a little easier. But what you're asking is if I would lie about you. I honestly don't know how I would handle the situation, Drew. All I can say is that I would do everything in my power to protect you." I paused and took a deep breath. "I love you, Drew."
He leaned over and kissed me.
"I love you, too."
We sat there for a long time, simply holding each other. It felt so right. Every once in a while, we would kiss but neither of us spoke. At the time, I knew we hadn't resolved any of my concerns, but it didn't seem to matter. The issue was out on the table and we both knew we had to deal with it. I knew, however, that it was something that we could deal with and was I content with that.
"Alex?" he whispered just after I kissed him.
"What, honey?"
He chuckled. "Honey? I like that. But."
"What is it?"
"I don't mean to kill the mood or anything, but I really need to go to the bathroom."
"It's all that wine you had at dinner," I laughed.
I let go and he bolted for the bathroom. I stood up and stretched. Glancing at the clock I noticed it was about 12:30 in the morning. We had spent several hours making out and holding each other. After his passionate kiss in the elevator, I had been worried that he would try to pressure me to sleep with him, but those worries has been unfounded.
"So," he said when he came back from the bathroom. "Are you going to stay the night? It would be so great if you would sleep next to me."
"That would be great, Drew. I'd like that."
"Let's go climb in bed and watch a little TV. Okay?"
I nodded and smiled.
"But first," he said. "Do you like chocolate?"
"Huh?"
Without answering he walked into the kitchen and opened the freezer. Pulling out a pint of Haagen Dazs, he grabbed two spoons and headed for his bedroom. Once inside he shut the door. I headed for the bathroom.
"Please lose the shirt," he called out to me. "It's not like you're really hiding anything and it just obscures the view."
I laughed as I shut the door. I carefully hung up Jeff's suit and stripped off the shirt. Even though I was wearing my boxer-briefs, I still felt pretty naked. I went to the bathroom, washed my face, and headed back to the bedroom. Opening the door, I saw Drew standing there grinning. He was only wearing a pair of red plaid pajama bottoms. He looked so cute.
"Let's get in bed," he said.
We climbed into bed and pulled up the covers. I could feel his leg pressing against mine as he opened up the partially melted ice cream. We ate it slowly as he flipped through the stations on the television. As always is the case when you want to watch something, there was nothing on. We tried to watch CNN for a while but neither of us really cared about the plight of the Peruvian potato farmers. ESPN was showing lumberjack games.
"Wait!" I cried. "Go back."
Drew had been channel surfing again and he had just past my favorite cable station. It's called SoapNet. It shows reruns of all the ABC soaps. Since it was Sunday night, it was an "All My Children" marathon that showed the previous weeks' episodes.
"You watch this?"
"Religiously," I replied. "I've watched 'All My Children' for years now. I'm addicted. I feel like I have so many friends that live in Pine Valley."
"You're joking, right?"
"I'd never joke about that, Drew. It really is great. I started watching because there was a gay character on the show. He's been off the show for years but I got hooked."
"I'm sorry," he chuckled. "I don't understand."
"You just need to give it a chance. There are some amazing actors on soaps and you never have to worry about seeing a rerun. I know some of the stories are a bit outrageous, but it's entertainment."
To his credit, Drew wasn't saying anything. He was watching the show, obviously trying to please me. I started to fill him in on the characters and their relationships with each other. The strange thing about soaps is that when you are watching everyday it seems totally plausible but when you try to explain the plots to someone else, it sounds ludicrous.
"Wait a minute!" Drew interrupted. "Gillian is with Jake, who just got back from Chechnya, but she is really in love with Ryan?"
"Yeah. See, Jake had a daughter but it turned out he wasn't actually the father. Everyone knew but him. His family and friends thought they were doing the right thing by not telling him the truth. When it all came out, he ran off to Chechnya to be a medic."
"It happens every day," he teased.
"Hey!" I cried. "While Jake was away, Gillian realized she was still in love with her ex, Ryan. Gillian was married to Jake so the only way she and Ryan could be together was if they brought Jake home so she could get a divorce. They went to Chechnya to search for him. Once they found him, Ryan ended up saving Jake's life when the rebels stormed the hospital."
"Of course," he deadpanned.
"Stop! That's not the important part. What's important is that Ryan and Gillian are soul mates. They have to find their way back to each other."
"Do you believe in that?"
"Soul mates? I'd like to. It's a pretty powerful idea."
"It is."
"You know," I said. "We'd make a good soap story."
"How do you mean?"
"When you think about everything that has happened to us it's pretty hard to believe. I met you because your best friend put me in the hospital. Add to it the whole famous vocal group angle and you've got yourself an Emmy-award winning plot line."
"I've never really thought of it that way."
"But we've been too honest with each other," I noted. "We'd need to add a few more twists to really make it good. So many of these stories spiral out of control because of lies. Sometimes people lie to get what they want but other times they think they're doing the right thing by hiding the truth."
"Do you think it's ever okay to lie to someone if it's going to spare them from pain?"
My mind started reeling. Suddenly our conversation was getting serious and I didn't know what to do. I was thinking about Drew and how he had hid the truth from me. That afternoon Nick had told me Drew had been engaged to Lea. I didn't know what to make of that and I didn't know how I felt about Drew not telling me. I was hoping that it was over between them and he wasn't telling me about the engagement because he didn't want to upset me.
"So do you think it's okay?" he asked again.
"I don't know, Drew," I answered honestly. "It gets complicated. Sometimes the real world can be just as confusing as these soap plots."
"Do you think it would have been better for me to tell Nick the truth from the beginning?"
I felt my heart sink a little when Drew said that. There I was obsessing over why he hadn't told me about his ex girlfriend and he was contemplating how he came out to his brother.
"Honey," I said. "That's not the same thing. You weren't lying to Nick."
"Yes, I was."
"It's not the same thing. You didn't tell him the truth because you weren't ready to. You weren't lying to him to protect him from something; you had to wait to tell him to protect yourself. Nick understands that."
"Does he, Alex? He was so hurt and disappointed that I didn't tell him sooner."
"Sure he was, because he loves you and he wanted to be there for you. But you didn't realize that. You were scared of losing your brother. I can't imagine what that's like. I went crazy trying to decide to come out to Mike and he was just a friend."
"Don't say that. You know Mike is more than a friend. He's family to you. You probably know exactly what I was feeling."
"Maybe I do, Drew. Mike knew I was gay from the day he met me. He was patient enough to let me tell him when I was ready. Although we never talked about it, he probably was a little disappointed it took me so long. But in the long run it all worked out. Just like it will with you and Nick."
"I hope so," he whispered.
I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him from behind. As I held him I softly kissed his cheek and rocked him. After several minutes he said something.
"Alex?"
"What?"
"I hope this isn't a trend, but I need to go to the bathroom again."
I laughed and let go of him. He shifted so that he was facing me. He shrugged his shoulders and frowned slightly.
"It's okay, honey. You go take care of business and I'll clean up the melted ice cream. We have all night to be together. I'm not going anywhere."
Smiling, he kissed me on the lips and then practically ran to the bathroom. I laughed again and collected the empty ice cream container and the two spoons. As I was about to leave the room I realized I should probably put some clothes on. Although I wasn't too concerned about the guys seeing me in my underwear, I had just met Jessica and I didn't want to scare her too badly. I grabbed a bathrobe out of the closet and headed toward the kitchen.
Walking back to Drew's bedroom I passed by Jeff's room. I glanced down and saw that the light was on. He must have been back from the club. Realizing there was something I needed to tell him, I softly knocked on the door, hoping I wasn't interrupting anything.
"Come in."
Opening the door I found him sitting in bed. He had his shirt off and he was reading a book.
"I need to talk to you about something," I said as I closed the door. "It's kind of important."
Scene 56
Jeff sat there with a wry smile on his face. I couldn't figure out what was so funny and it made me a little uncomfortable.
"Come on in. Have a seat," he sat, patting the edge of the bed.
"What is it?" I asked.
"What?" he said, nearly laughing.
"You're staring at me like the cat that just ate the canary."
"While you were in the bathroom tonight at dinner Drew whispered to me that he hoped you would be spending the night with him. Looks like he got his wish."
I began to feel even more uncomfortable, which was something I didn't want around Jeff. Clearly Jeff has thinking that Drew and I had slept together. It wasn't that big a leap. After all, there I was sitting on his bed in my underwear and a robe. Being somewhat of a coward, I initially avoided the issue at hand and settled on small talk.
"What are you reading?" I asked.
"Changing the subject?" Jeff laughed. He paused for a moment, letting me sweat it out a bit. "It's called 'Blue Sky'. I'm re-reading it, actually. I met the author last year. He's a friend of Brian Littrell's."
"As in Brian from the Backstreet Boys?" I asked incredulously.
"Yeah."
"Who don't you know?" I questioned. "You said you know the guys from *NSync and now Backstreet, too?"
"I really only know JC and Justin from *NSync. As far as Backstreet goes, I've only spent time with Kevin and Brian."
"So it's all one big happy boy band family?"
Jeff shot me a look that let me know he wasn't happy with my terminology.
"You know we hate that phrase."
"Why do you think I said it?" I laughed.
"Enough of this," he said shaking his head. "What's the real reason you came in here? I know it wasn't to tease me. Isn't Drew getting lonely right now?"
I looked down and studied the pattern on the bedspread, tying to collect my thoughts. I wasn't sure how to tell Jeff what I wanted to say.
"Have you ever gotten stuck in a lie?" I began.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, like when you let someone believe something that isn't true. And then to keep it from looking like you were hiding something, you end up telling more lies."
"Is this about Drew?"
"Yes and no. I just feel like I'm going to get trapped if I don't tell you the truth." I could feel my pulse begin to race. "I never meant to lie to you, Jeff. It didn't start out as a lie but now it is and I feel horrible about it. I never meant for it be like this."
"Calm down, Alex. Just tell me what's going on."
In a very short time I had gotten pretty upset. I worried that I wouldn't be able to explain what had happened. Jeff reached out and grabbed my forearm causing me to look directly at him. He had a worried look in his eyes.
"Alex? Just tell me."
"I'm a virgin, Jeff."
"What?" he practically shouted. He didn't sound angry, just surprised. As soon as he realized how loudly he had said it he lowered his voice. He was still holding my arm when he said, "You can't be."
"Why not?"
"Because."
I was beginning to get angry. I twisted my arm away from his grasp and looked away. I thought he was sitting there judging me.
"Alex! It's not a problem. I'm just totally surprised. You just got an HIV test."
"That's just it, Jeff. That's why I'm so worked up about this. For a week or however long it was, you were worried that I might be infected with something that I couldn't possibly have had. I knew Nick was negative and he knew it, too. The only reason I took the test was because Nick had told you. I had asked him not to tell you I hadn't been with a man before. If only I had been honest with you then you wouldn't have had to worry about me."
"First," Jeff said, "I want to worry about you. Okay? In the short amount of time we've known each other we've been through a great deal. You're a good friend, Alex. Plus you make one of my closest friends in the world happier than I've seen him in a long time. For whatever reason you didn't want to tell me something. I can live with that. I don't expect you to tell me everything."
"I was just embarrassed."
Jeff didn't respond and I could tell something was going on in his head. I could see a look of disappointment in his eyes.
"So, you told Nick?"
I could only nod.
"Oh."
I felt my heart sink. I struggled to find my breath, feeling as though someone had punched me in the gut.
"Jeff, I feel awful about it. It's not that I don't trust you. You have to know that. I told Nick because I didn't know who else to talk to. It was right after I had tried to kiss you. That would have been."
My voice trailed off. I looked at Jeff and saw the slightest trace of a smile on his lips.
"Your first kiss?"
Again I could only nod.
"That's pretty cool," he said as he once again reached out and grabbed my arm. "That's an honor, Alex. If I had known I probably would have let you kiss me."
"Don't take this the wrong way," I laughed, "but I'm glad I waited."
"Is he a good kisser?"
"Now that we've established my track record, saying that he's the best I've ever had doesn't really say much, does it?"
We both laughed and I could feel the tension in the air disappear.
"I only told Nick," I said, "because I was practically falling apart about it. Once I figured out you were one of the good guys it just didn't come up again. I mean, announcing my lack of experience isn't exactly dinner table conversation material."
"I suppose not."
"And I didn't even think about the HIV test. I would have told you right away if I had known you were worried about me."
"Forget about it," he replied. "But maybe this a good time to tell you something, Alex."
"What is it?"
"Along the same lines, it's not that I didn't want you to know. It's just that I'm pretty private about her. I'm trying to keep her out of the public eye for as long as I can. I want her to have a normal life."
"Her?"
Jeff climbed out of bed and walked over the to dresser. He grabbed his wallet and sat down next to me. Opening the wallet, he pulled out a picture of a little girl.
"This is my daughter, Alyssa."
"Wow! I never knew. She's beautiful, Jeff."
"Thanks. She lives with her mom in Orange County. I don't get to see her nearly enough. She's definitely the best thing that's ever happened to me."
"So are you and her mom."
"Patricia and are just good friends now. Maybe next time you visit Drew it will be when we're in So Cal. Then you can meet Alyssa."
"That would be great, Jeff. Thanks for me telling me about her."
"Thanks for telling me about you."
He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.
"Sorry, Timmons," I deadpanned. "Drew's a much better kisser."
"I outta plant one on you right now. I've gotten pretty good reviews, if you know what I mean."
"Don't tempt me," I laughed.
"So you are tempted, huh? I thought it was over between us when you tried to make out with me at your hotel. But, wait a minute. Why are you sitting here on my bed? Shouldn't you be.how do I put this delicately? Shouldn't you be playing 'Good Cop, Bad Cop' about now?"
"One comment about a nightstick and I'll clock ya," I warned.
"Shouldn't you be clocking him? Then this whole issue you brought up wouldn't be an issue any more."
I tried my best to ignore his total lack of class.
"I want to. Trust me on that. Drew is the same way but I told him we had to wait. I asked him to get tested first."
"That's a good idea," he said. "You have amazing will power."
"Well, when you've waited 26 years, what's another 2 or 3 weeks?"
"Is that it?"
"No. I'm scared to death, Jeff."
"That's natural, Alex. Just trust you're feelings. If something doesn't feel right, just stop. Drew will understand."
"I know, you're right."
We sat for a moment, enjoying the silence. I finally took a deep breath and stood up.
"I should get back to him. I'm sure he's wondering where I disappeared to."
"Give him a kiss goodnight for me."
"If I have to," I chuckled. "Goodnight, Jeff."
"Goodnight."
I closed Jeff's door and walked down the hall. I found Drew back in bed, still watching my soap opera.
"Where did you go?" he questioned. "I need you to tell me what happened between David, Dixie, and Tad. I'm totally lost."
"Later," I said abruptly, switching off the TV. I slipped off my robe and climbed onto the bed. "I ran into Jeff and he asked me to give you something."
Before he could say another word, I kissed him.
Scene 57
When I woke the next morning I smiled when I realized where I was. The room was filled with light, as the curtains were still open. I didn't know what time it was, but it felt like it was still early. I was lying on my back and Drew was cuddled up next to me. He was on his stomach and he had his left arm draped across my chest. It couldn't have been very comfortable, but he seemed to be quite content. His face was turned toward me and I could feel his breath on my shoulder. He looked like he was having a dream and I hoped it was about me.
Although I could have stayed and watched him sleep for hours, nature called. As carefully as I could, I gently lifted his arm and slipped out from under him. He shifted a bit once I left but he didn't wake up. As I headed toward the bathroom I noticed it was about 7:45 in the morning. I sighed, knowing that I was probably up for the rest of the day. My plane flight home was at 3pm. The guys were staying for another night, although I was uncertain of Jessica's travel plans.
My stomach started to growl so I decided to forage for food. I contemplated waking up Drew but I eventually decided to let him sleep. Not really being the bathrobe-wearing type, I decided to get dressed. Then I realized all of my clothes were in my own room downstairs. Figuring Drew wouldn't mind I searched through his things until I found a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. As I was about to leave the room I glanced in the mirror and saw I had a serious case of bed-head. I grabbed one of Drew's caps and put of on backwards. I laughed to myself when I realized how much I looked like a frat boy, which was something I never was in college.
I padded down the hallway in my bare feet until I got to the living room. I was surprised to find Nick and Jess there. Nick was feeding Jess a strawberry off of the plate sitting in front of her. It was obvious how much they loved each other, especially when she giggled as he dropped the strawberry in her lap.
"Ahem!" I said as I cleared my throat. I wanted to make sure they knew I was there. There's only so much cute couple stuff I could stomach at eight in the morning.
"Good morning," Jess greeted me.
"Morning," I replied.
Nick took his time, carefully surveying the situation before speaking.
"Since I've seen that shirt before and I'm fairly certain I bought that cap for him, I'd say you spent the night."
I could feel myself turning crimson. I didn't know what to say so I just stood there with an idiotic grin on my face.
"Leave him alone, Nick!" Jessica scolded. "Alex, do you want something to eat? There's plenty of food."
I nodded.
"Nick," she commanded, "get Alex some food."
"Yes, dear," he said quietly. Looking at me he said, "I know. No bacon or sausage. How about French toast and some fruit?"
"Sounds good. Thanks, Nick."
"Come over here," she said, patting the couch next to her. As I sat down she grabbed my hand and squeezed. "Did you have a good time last night?"
I could feel myself blush even more. I wasn't sure what Jess was asking, but I had a pretty good idea.
"Wait a minute," she said, suddenly realizing what her question was. "That's not what I meant! Drew told me you and he were waiting, so I wasn't asking about that kind of good time."
"Oh," I laughed. "I'm totally embarrassed right now. It seems like everyone knows about Drew and me."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing," I replied. "Just something Jeff said last night. The answer to your question is 'yes'. We had a great night. He's pretty special."
"Alex, this may seem a little out of place considering I haven't even known you for 24 hours yet, but I can't help myself."
"What is it, Jess?"
"He's totally fallen for you and I'm a little worried. He's not as strong as he comes off. He hides it pretty well but deep down he's scared to death and I just don't want him to get hurt."
"Neither do I."
"Of course you don't. That's not what I meant. I just want you to realize that he's still pretty confused about things. I know meeting you has helped him a lot. I had figured out he was gay even before Nick told me, but I know he's had a pretty rough time. You know, Drew talked to me about you right after he met you."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Right after you and Nick were in the hospital I was talking to Drew. He had said that you had tried to help Nick and even though the two of you were fighting, he was still glad that you were there. He was pretty torn up about fighting with you."
"I felt awful about that. I still do," I confessed.
"I just want you to know that I love him and that I'll do anything in the world for him. He's fragile, Alex. He likes to come off as always in control but I know he's having a hard time with all of this. He loves you, Alex, and he needs you."
"I love him, too."
"Good."
Moments later Nick arrived with a huge plate of food. He even managed to bring a glass of orange juice and a bottle of water with him. After thanking him, I dove in. I didn't realize just how hungry I was until I smelled the French toast. Across the room we all heard a cell phone ring.
"That's mine," Jess said. "Excuse me, gentlemen."
"You look good in his clothes," Nick said as he sat down next to me.
"Didn't you say that last night about me in Jeff's clothes?"
"I guess I did," he laughed. "You must look good in other people's clothes."
"Is that some kind of veiled insult about how I look in my own clothes?" I laughed.
"Not exactly," he chuckled.
"So when does Jess leave?"
"This afternoon," he frowned. "Her plane leaves a half hour after yours so I can take you both to the airport at the same time."
"It was good to see her, wasn't it?"
"More than you know. There are times I want to quit just so I can spend all my time with her. I can't do that, of course, but I still think about it."
Something popped into my mind but I wasn't sure I wanted to ask him. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Jess talking on her phone. She was out of earshot.
"Nick, can I ask you something? It's kind of personal."
"I suppose," he hesitated.
"How can you stand being so close to her and not having sex?"
"So I take it you and Drew didn't."
"No," I answered, thankful he didn't finish his sentence.
"Well," he grinned. "I use all the willpower I can muster. And when she's not around the hand gets a lot of work, if you know."
"I know what you mean," I interrupted. "It took all the willpower I had not to be with Drew last night. Or, rather, not to let him get to me."
"Alex," he said seriously. "I'm a little confused. It sounds like you want to be with him. I know it's a big deal but why wait?"
"I probably wouldn't have thought about it unless I was just tested, but I told him he had to get an HIV test first."
"That's smart. I mean, I'm sure Drew is fine but."
"Don't worry about Drew. We talked and I know he's fine. I just want to be sure, Nick, that's all. And I guess it's kind of a way to postpone it. Frankly, I'm scared and I need a little more time to get ready. Before I came here I wasn't sure how I felt about Drew. Now that I know that I love him, I just need to take it one step at a time. I wanted to wait until I was in love before having sex. It was pretty phenomenal that I realized I was in love. I just don't think everything has to happen all in one weekend."
"You don't need to justify it to me, Alex. Whatever you decide is right. Understand?"
"Thanks."
"So, did you tell him?"
"Tell me what?" Drew said as he entered the room.
I felt myself go white as he stared right at me.
Scene 58
"Tell me what?" Drew repeated, looking right at me.
"It's.um.something that Nick and I." I stammered.
"That was clear," he chuckled.
"Let it go, Drew," Nick said sternly, sounding very much like a big brother.
"Okay," he said. "Just realize that I'll find out from one or both of you sooner or later."
"Drop it, Drew!"
"Sorry. I'm going to get some food."
Drew started across the room, looking a little hurt. He avoided my eyes as he passed me. I managed to reach out and grab the tail of his shirt, causing him to stop and look down at me sitting on the couch.
"We'll talk about it later, Drew. It's not that important." I lied. "Okay?"
"Sure," he smiled before heading over to the other side of the room where Jess had just hung up her cell phone.
"Sorry," Nick whispered. "So I take it he doesn't know you're a virgin."
"No."
"Why not?
I shrugged, trying to let Nick know I didn't really want to talk about it.
"It's not going to matter to him," Nick said, either ignoring or not understanding my non- verbal communication.
"I know, Nick. I'll tell him, just not today."
Nick glanced over and saw his brother approaching. He stood up, presumably to give me some time alone with Drew. He leaned over and gently squeezed my shoulder. I smiled, knowing that Nick was in my corner.
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Drew and I hung around the suite watching TV and talking about things that weren't really important. It was pretty rare that we could be together that way, so we both tried to make it last as long as possible. We ordered room service and ate lunch with Jeff. Justin returned about 12:30PM and we all tried to get him to tell us where he was all night. To no one's surprise, his lips were sealed.
I waited as long as possible, but it was finally time for me to go to the airport. Drew tried to take me, but Nick insisted he stay at the hotel.
"Why can't I go?" Drew asked, practically whining.
"Because," Nick laughed, "you'll act like you're acting right now. Just say goodbye to Alex right here."
"It's better this way," I said to Drew. "It's too risky for you to be seen with me at the airport."
"I hate that," he replied.
"I know, honey."
After an amazing kiss, I said goodbye to Drew. He promised to call me as soon as he knew the results of his HIV test.
"I'll email you our schedule so we can make plans to see each other again."
"Okay, Drew. I love you."
"I love you, too."
On the short trip to the airport I thought back over the weekend. I didn't want to leave Drew but there was no way I could stay. I was glad that Nick and Jessica were in the front seat because I could feel the tears begin to fall. When they stopped talking I knew they were listening to me and trying to decide if they should say something.
"How do you do it?" I asked as I tried to stop the tears.
"It's never easy," Nick answered, knowing exactly what I was talking about. "But when you love someone it's just what you have to do."
"It'll be okay," Jess offered, turning in her seat to face me. She reached out and grabbed my hand. "You'll see him soon, Alex."
"I know, but it doesn't make it any easier. I feel like such an idiot sitting here crying."
"Don't," Nick said, glancing over his shoulder at me. "I used to cry all the time whenever Jess left."
"You did?" Jess asked him.
"Yeah, is that so hard to believe?"
"Well," she hesitated. "Yes!"
Jess and I started laughing, which broke the tension in the car.
"Nice!" Nick commented sarcastically.
"Aw," I said. "I think it's sweet, Nicky."
"Me, too," Jess said as she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
When we got to the airport, Nick offered to wait with me at the gate so that I wouldn't be alone. It was a nice gesture but I wasn't about to have him give up his last moments with Jess to sit with me. It struck me as just another reason why Jess was so much in love with him and why I had grown to care about him so much. After a hug from Nick and a kiss from Jess, I headed off to the Northwest gate to check in. I knew I was going to be okay.
I woke up the next morning and I was actually excited to go to work. I wanted to see Sharon so I could tell her I was in love. I knew she'd be thrilled for me. I was also looking forward to seeing Mike. It had been too late to call him by the time I got home. We had a training appointment scheduled for that Monday night.
About twenty minutes after I got to work the phone rang, interrupting my daydream about Drew.
"This is Alex, how may I help you?" I asked.
"Mr. Jackson, this is Dr. Fisher's office calling. She would like you to come in to discuss your test results."
It took a moment but then I remembered the tests she was talking about. When I had gotten my HIV test, my doctor suggested a full blood workup since they were already drawing blood.
"Okay," I said. "My Wednesday afternoon is open."
"She wants to see you as soon as possible. Today, actually."
"Really? How about 11:30?"
"I'll clear her schedule."
As I hung up the phone I could feel my stomach turning. I was scared.
To be continued..
As always, comments to: thack98@mindspring.com