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What He Needed
Matt used to come over for head. Sometimes receiving the text ("busy?") was the hottest part of the encounter, just knowing that somewhere his need had moved his hand to his phone to get access to my mouth. I loved that he felt entitled to get off whenever he wanted and expected me to be available. That was pretty much how we met, actually, on some hook-up app where maybe the second or third thing he said after "hi" was "i need head."
One typical Saturday he texted me from the gym, saying he needed to come over. I pictured him straddling the bench in the locker room, shirt off, wearing nylon shorts, shoes off but still wearing ankle socks, his back hunched as he bent over the phone. Post-workout texts from him were common. So, knowing his workout schedule, I tried to be at home when he'd be finishing up.
A knock at the door. I jumped up and tried not to answer it too quickly. I never wanted it to be too obvious that I was just sitting around waiting to suck his cock with nothing better to do in my life, which, of course, I was. I got up, took a deep breath, checked my hair in the mirror, and slowly walked across the living room to the door and opened it. Matt was wearing a yellow ski jacket and shiny black Adidas pants.
He pushed past me into the living room. "What took you so long to answer the door? It's fucking freezing out." He shrugged the jacket off, kicked off his shoes and plopped down on the couch. He rubbed his left bicep, then his right, before flinging off his t-shirt. "Come on. I haven't got all day."
I knelt in front of him and placed my hands on the waistband of his pants, pulling on them. He lifted his hips a little and I wiggled his pants and underwear down at once. His soft cock rolled against his right thigh. Beneath it, his ball sack expanded as his balls shifted downwards.
I bent my head but paused. Matt was truly ripe. It was obvious he hadn't showered after working out. Normally I loved his smell, but this was a bit much.
"I know. I stink." I looked up into his ice blue eyes. His face was hard and flat. "Is there a problem?"
"No." I bent my head a bit more and began to lick along the length of his cock. I kissed the tip of it and let it sit in my mouth for a second, each hand on one of his thighs. I heard Matt's breath slow down and felt his body relaxing. I eased more of my mouth over his cock, my head as still as possible, and started to feel it grow and lengthen across my tongue.
I loved Matt's body. He was long, lithe and tight, taller than me and toned in a way I could never be. As I sat with his cock growing in my mouth, I stared at his abs. Even sitting, his stomach was improbably flat. I wanted to count every strand of the very thin trail of black hair that ran straight up the middle of his chest from his navel. I ran my hands up and down his thighs to warm them up.
His dick had become totally hard after about fifteen seconds in my mouth. I felt a quiet pride, realizing how quickly he had gotten hard. I very gently began to move my mouth up and down, my lips hiding my teeth from his shaft. I willed my jaw and neck muscles to relax, letting saliva fill my mouth to make it warm and wet for him.
I have sucked a lot of cocks. Matt's was special. I am not sure exactly why. To look at it, his cock was fairly normal, even average. It wasn't memorably huge, only slightly longer than what I believed was average in length. It was definitely not thin, but not any slab either. Matt's dick was a straight and perfect tube that I could suck on forever. It had symmetry. Come to think of it, that's what made it special. When I sucked him, his dick fit so perfectly that it felt like it was made from a mold of the inside of my throat. I could go all the way down on it, flex the muscles in my throat to massage it, and stay there nearly indefinitely because I could breath the whole time. It was heaven. It felt like his cock was made to be in my throat. I've never felt that with any other guy's cock.
I felt one of Matt's hands on top of my head and heard him sigh. He spread his legs a bit wider and pushed my head down on his cock. My lips slid to the base and his pubes filled my vision. Or, what was left of them. Since our last encounter, he had almost shaved them all off, leaving only a small, short rectangle. It was almost feminine, like the pubes on a stripper. It was the only almost feminine thing about Matt.
"Dude..." I turned my head to the side a little to let the heat of my breath move around his cock. I grazed one fingertip against his balls as gently as possible. "Your mouth is incredible. This one girl, Molly, her pussy was amazing, I couldn't get enough of it... so hot and so tight, but your mouth, it's... even better...it's what you do with it, fuck..."
My own dick swelled in my jeans when I heard this. He knew the way he talked to me drove me crazy, especially when he talked about the girls he'd (supposedly) fucked while his cock was in my mouth.
Matt went quiet and all I could hear was his breathing, deep and slow. I glanced up at him, expecting his head to be tilted back, as it usually was when I was sucking him. Instead, he was gazing down, and our eyes met. After more than a second, our eyes were still locked, and I realized he was not looking at his cock in my mouth. Matt was looking in my eyes. He had a hand on either side of my head. His grip began to tighten like a vise against my temples. Still staring straight at me, his eyes opened a little wider, his lips parted, and his semen began filling my mouth. I stroked his balls with two fingers, feeling them pulse and empty. He kept my head in place as I swallowed, only releasing his grip when nothing could spill.
I sat back on my heels, still high from the taste of his cum. My dick was hard and leaking in my pants. I couldn't wait for him to leave so I could get off.
Matt stood and pulled up his pants, put on his shirt and shoes, and picked up his coat. He ran a hand through his hair, looked at me quickly, then looked away. "Later."
The door shut. I yanked my shorts down and furiously began to beat off, his smell still on my fingers and the taste of his cum in my mouth. I remembered the taste and feel of it pulsing into my mouth and felt my balls tighten. I thought about him bragging about that girl's pussy. I imagined his hard cock inside it, sliding back and forth while she squealed, his ass muscles clenching as he drilled her, and I shot all over the carpet.
I got a text from Matt two days later, which was unusual. He didn't usually come by more than once a week, and sometimes several weeks would go by without hearing from him. He said he'd be over in a half hour.
As usual, I started to get worked up waiting for him to get there. Usually I would just sit, a bundle of anticipation until he arrived. This time I had a half hour so I decided to do something different. I pulled down my jeans and ran my fingers over my dick, thinking about Matt's cock. I remembered how hard I had shot when I thought about him fucking that girl. My dick got ferociously hard and began to leak. I tasted my precum off my finger. I spent the whole half hour edging my dick, and was right on the verge of cumming when Matt finally showed up.
The weather had eased up a bit, so he had ditched the ski jacket for a hoodie. He was also wearing dark blue jeans and hiking boots. He pulled the hoodie and the t-shirt he was wearing underneath over his head all at once. I felt like shooting my load just looking at his tight, toned chest, bare above the black belt of his jeans. His hand went to the belt and slowly started pull the end of it through the buckle. My cock swelled more in my pants and my eyes shifted to Matt's face. He was looking at me as he unfastened his belt.
"Come here." I walked to him. The undone belt dangled in front of the zipper of his jeans. The buckle clinked softly. As I stood in front of him, I stared at his crotch, wondering when his pants would be open and his cock shoved down my throat. Matt placed the palms of his hands on my shoulders and I waited for him to apply pressure, my signal to kneel. Instead, his hands just rested there. With some difficulty, I tore my eyes away from his jeans and looked at him. Again, his ice blue eyes were staring into mine.
"Do you like sucking my cock?" I blinked and hesitated. What kind of a question was that? Wasn't it obvious? I'd been doing it for almost a year, every time he asked.
"Yes, Matt. I do. I..." My voice lowered to almost a whisper. "I love sucking your cock, Matt."
He raised his right hand and placed the palm against my cheek. I was startled by the gesture, then doubly startled by the feel of a single stroke of his thumb.
"Good." The thumb moved to my lips, then across them. I opened them and Matt's thumb gently entered. I felt my cock throb, almost painfully, and the slightly uncomfortable feeling of precum soaking all the way through my briefs to the skin of my leg. I wondered if my edging plan had been such a good idea.
Still with his left hand on my shoulder and his right thumb in my mouth, he turned me so my back was to the couch, then pushed me to the floor right in front of it. I fumbled with the button and zipper of his jeans, pulling them down enough to bring out his cock. Letting go of me, he braced himself with his left hand against the back of the couch and pulled my head towards his crotch with his right palm against the back of my head. He started fucking my face, pushing me back towards the couch cushions, then leaning both knees against them as he slammed his cock in and out of my mouth. As he fucked my face, I held his hips, then his back, then ran my hands over his chest. He was starting to sweat.
Matt slowed down, then stopped. He moved his left hand from the back of the couch so that both hands were against the back of my head, holding it down on his cock. Holding my head there, he unbent his knees from the couch cushions, pulling my head up a bit as he stood, then kept me in place as he turned around. He sat down on the couch, breathing heavily. My lips parted, breaking the seal around his cock. I felt drool spill out of them, webbing into the hair on his balls. I caught my breath and began to suck him slowly.
"I want you to always do this..." I looked up at Matt. Again, he was staring straight at me. His eyes narrowed, then widened. His cock suddenly swelled in my mouth. A helpless expression spread across his face and I tasted a flood of his semen. I began to swallow, then felt my own orgasm and began to shoot into my briefs as he continued to shoot into my mouth. I moaned and fell forward an inch or so, briefly losing my balance from the intensity of my orgasm. I managed to get all of his cum swallowed, then sat back, stunned.
Matt's eyes narrowed. "Did you just cum?"
I felt my face redden. Shit. "Yeah." I wasn't sure what to expect.
"From sucking my dick?"
"Yeah."
"You didn't even touch yourself."
"I know." I didn't mention my half hour of edging before he arrived.
"You like my dick that much."
"Yeah. I told you."
Matt stood and began to pull his jeans up, but absently slowed his movement. He seemed lost in thought. His hand lingered above the zipper and the belt as he stared off into space. After a minute, his hand began to tug at the zipper.
"No one else sucks me like you."
"Thanks."
"I mean it." He pulled his hoodie over his head and turned towards the door. "Bye."
For once, I didn't need to jerk off as soon as he left. I did need to change my underwear.
After a few days, I hadn't heard from Matt. I was surprised. Our last encounter had been very hot, for me at least, and I thought he'd want more of his regular head. I thought about sucking his dick all day while at my boring job and had to relieve myself in the men's room more than a few times. I caught myself staring at my phone while it sat silently. At night my phone sat by me while I watched tv, but no notifications, nothing.
After a week, I became somewhat disgusted with myself for obsessing over Matt and sucking him. Was this what my life had become? I hadn't really dated anyone, much less had a boyfriend, for several years. For the last year or so I had been sucking Matt regularly and had been pretty content with that. Now, the thought that Matt might be moving on, cutting ties, whatever, sent me into a slight panic. I realized how much of my erotic focus and life had come to center on him. Even getting a text from him created a Pavlovian response in me. Was this healthy?
I decided to take matters into my own hands. I started working out again. I took some selfies and made a profile asserting that I was looking for actual dating, not just sex. Maybe I could find a boyfriend with a dick as nice as Matt's, who loved getting sucked, who would always be around, and also would be there for doing fun stuff with. Like whatever boyfriends did. Go to the grocery store, go out to eat. Go to movies. I got responses, but most were just looking for sex. I wasn't ruling that out either, but none of the guys who responded did much for me.
Four weeks had gone by since the last time Matt had come over. I had gone out on several dates, one of which ended with me sucking the guy off in his parked car in front of my apartment. Uncharacteristically, I had made the move. Dinner had been okay, but there was no real spark between us. I tried to admire the guy's build and strong hands while we were eating, but then the sight of Matt's naked chest above his belted jeans would pop into my head, obliterating any lukewarm desire I had managed to accumulate for the guy. By the end of dinner, it was obvious that our only mutual desire was to end the encounter. I found myself increasingly worked up as he drove me home to my apartment, remembering Matt with a sinking feeling that we would never talk again. I stared out the window of the date's car, picturing Matt's eyes looking into mine as he came in my mouth.
The date pulled his car up to my place, and we started to make idle chat before what we both knew would be good-bye forever. Almost without realizing it, I put my hand on his thigh. He looked hesitant, slightly uncomfortable, but said nothing. I bent over and undid his pants, pulled out his cock and began sucking. It was bigger than Matt's. So what. It had no personality. The guy said nothing, did nothing as I sucked him. No hand on the back of my head, no pushing my head down, no filthy talk about the girls he'd fucked. "Thanks a lot, that was great," he said, after I swallowed his load. I mumbled a good-bye as I got out of the car.
Back in my apartment, I sat on my couch, in the spot Matt usually sat in while I sucked him. My hardon felt like it was weeping. I missed him. I was sick of jacking off and thinking about him, sick of thinking about him while going through the motions of everything in my life. Still, I got off once again. Even with the taste of that other guy's come fresh in my mouth, Matt was all I could think about.
Some six weeks had passed since the last I'd heard from Matt. This was longer than he'd ever gone without contacting me during the whole year I'd been sucking him. I had given up hearing from him again. He'd obviously found what he needed somewhere else.
Then, one night as I sat in a near-coma in front of the television, a ping. It was him. My heart began to pound as I brought the phone to my face. "Hey man." I stared in shock for a while at the message, almost in disbelief. As my fingers hovered over the screen, wondering what I could say in response that would not come across as desperate, another text from him appeared. "Have u missed me?"
"Yes," I texted back. For almost a whole minute, nothing. Then, finally: "Same."
I felt somewhat floored. What was going on? He'd never said anything like this before. His texts had always been blowjob-centered and logistical. "Busy?" meant "I need head, can I come over?" Or, sometimes, just: "8?" Pure efficiency.
I was worrying about how exactly to respond to his declaration when Matt surprised me again. "Can u come over here?" In all the time I'd known him, he had only ever come to my place, where I lived alone. I had always assumed that he had a roommate or someone living there and needed discretion.
I was already dressed for bed but I wasn't going to pass up sucking Matt again for anything. I told him sure, he texted me his address, and within five minutes I was in my car driving towards the outer belt.
Matt's house was a split level ranch in a bland suburb. I parked in the driveway behind his Jeep Cherokee. Seeing it reminded me of all the times I had peeked through my blinds, waiting for the moment when it would pull up to my place.
At Matt's door, I rang and waited. My heart was still pounding, then started jackhammering as I heard footsteps approach. Finally, the door swung open.
Matt stood there in athletic shorts and a white t-shirt. It was obvious he had no underwear on beneath the shorts. He was barefoot and held a beer in one hand. A huge, goofy smile broke across his face. Had I ever seen him smile before? I couldn't remember. If I had, never like this.
"Hey..." I smelled a cloud of beer and realized he must be drunk. I truly didn't care. "Come in, man." I walked in and glanced around. His idea of decorating included only branded merchandise from one particular football team. "Come upstairs."
I followed him up the carpeted steps and into his bedroom. Only a dim lamp was on, but I could still see his face.
Matt sat down on his bed. Instinctively, I began to get on my knees in front of him, but he grabbed my arm by the bicep and pulled me towards the bed. "No, come here. Sit here." I sat next to him.
He turned towards me, still with that goofy grin on his face. "Sorry I couldn't drive to your place. I've been drinking."
"It's okay. I'm fine with coming here."
"I'm not really drunk. Just buzzed."
"It's cool. I don't care." I paused, unsure if I should say what I wanted to say. "I'm just glad you texted me."
"I'm glad I did too. I'm sorry it's been so long."
Matt suddenly stood up and turned towards me. He took his shirt off and stepped out of his shorts. His cock was already hard. He grabbed it with his right hand and pulled on it. "Did you miss this?"
I felt my mouth start to water as I stared straight ahead at it. "Yes. I did."
"My cock missed you." He bent over so that his face was next to mine, his mouth next to my ear. "I want to put my penis in your mouth. Do you want that?"
"You know I do."
"I want it too." He stood back up and continued jacking himself slowly. "But not yet."
I raised my eyebrows. "No?"
"No, not yet." Matt took a step back. His hand fell away from his cock and his eyes scanned me from head to toe. "Take your clothes off." His tone was firm, which made my cock very hard, but my nerves started again. He'd never asked me anything like this. I had never gotten any sense that he'd noticed my body at all before. And because his was clearly so superior to mine, the thought of being naked next to his taut, toned skin filled me with anxiety.
"Do you mind?" His tone was softer. He reached out a hand and touched my cheek. I suddenly remembered him touching me the same way in my living room, catching me off guard, six weeks ago. "Cause I want you to."
I closed my eyes and bent my head towards his palm, trying to feel as much of it across the span of my cheek as I could. I started unbuttoning my shirt. After taking it off, I reached down and pulled my shoes and pants off. Self-consciously, I sat in my underwear on Matt's bed.
"Keep them on if you want. It's okay." He sat down and scooted back towards the headboard. His cock was still hard. I knew I was staring at it, but I didn't care. I leaned over and started moving towards it, but he blocked my shoulder with his hand and pulled my face towards his. "Come here."
We lay facing each other on the bed. I wasn't sure what to do so I just looked into Matt's eyes. He stroked my cheek and smiled at me.
"You're adorable."
I felt my face burn as it reddened completely. I had no idea what to say. He smiled and blinked very slowly, put his hand on top of my head, and gently began to push. I scooted down so that his cock was in front of my face. It was throbbing and a thin strand of precum dangled from the tip. I caught it in my mouth before swallowing his beautiful cock. I heard him sigh as my lips slid down over the shaft. I circled one arm around his waist, pulling him towards me. I felt Matt's hands move through my hair while I moved my tongue and lips as slowly as possible over his cock.
"My beautiful cocksucker." Matt's voice was barely a whisper. "Do you like my dick?"
I moaned, my mouth full.
"Talk to me. Take it out of your mouth and answer my question."
I let the head pop from between my lips and looked straight ahead at his flat stomach. "Yes, Matt. I love your dick."
"Look at me."
I tilted my head up towards his face. His eyes had narrowed. I looked into his eyes where I saw it. I knew, suddenly, that Matt needed something from me. Not just my mouth, not just head or getting off. I didn't know what he needed, but I felt it, and I realized I had always felt it.
"Answer. Do you like my dick?"
"I love it. I love your dick."
Matt slipped a finger between my lips, then pulled my jaw down. His voice was a low, raw whisper I could barely hear. "Put it in. Put my penis in your mouth."
With one hand I guided it into my mouth. Then, pulling it further in, his cock perfectly filled my throat. I swallowed, willing my throat muscles to massage him.
Matt moaned, then continued his murmuring. "In your mouth... my penis is in your mouth... my penis..." I snuck a peek at his face. His head had tilted back and and his eyes were closed, but then he looked down, and, for the last time, into my eyes.
"You're sucking ... my cock..." His hips bucked and his seed shot into my mouth. "My baby... suck my penis..."
Matt's load continued filling my mouth as his cock spasmed against the back of my throat. His hands kept my head firmly in place, even long after he had finished shooting. I lay there until his dick began to soften in my mouth. After a while I noticed that Matt's hands had fallen from my head and his breath had deepened. I looked up at him. Matt was asleep.
"Hey. Matt." I whispered. He was out. I gently moved to the edge of the bed and stood up. I looked over his long, sleek body. For a minute I stood there and imagined living with him, sucking his cock every day and night. I thought about crawling back into his bed, waking up next to him, then waking him up by gently sucking his morning wood. Was that what he needed from me? I slipped my clothes on, went downstairs, and drove home.
If I had stayed, would that have shown Matt that I wanted to give him what he needed? Because I left, did he think I didn't want to, that I wasn't willing to give him what he needed? Is that why I never heard from him again?