This story is pure fiction and involves the members of Westlife. I am in no way implying anything about the sexuality of any of their members. This is purely a fictional story. Enjoy!
I would really, really appreciate some feedback on the story...so please send any comments and/or suggestions to jeff_langdon@hotmail.com. I would love to hear from you!!
Westlife Romance - Part 40
Kian opened his eyes to find himself lying in his bed. His body ached all over and his head hurt. He lifted his hands weakly and felt the cuts and bruises all over his body. To him, these were all reminders of the price he had to pay for his past wrongs. Kian struggled to sit up in bed, but he was too weak to do so, and the result was that he fell back into bed with a groan of pain.
Nicky had been in the bathroom cleaning up the mess that resulted from his tending of Kian's wounds the previous night. His hair was dishevelled, and the bags under his eyes were apparent from not having any sleep. He was just freshening up when he heard Kian's groan. He quickly ran out of the bathroom and was by Kian's bedside in seconds. Without another word, Nicky helped Kian sit up in bed.
Still disoriented from his sleep, Kian had no idea what was happening. Not until a few seconds later did he recognize the person sitting by his bed. It was Nicky. He reached out to touch Nicky and this time, he didn't disappear. He wasn't dreaming. His mind became more alert and he realized what was happening. Then, Kian's surprise was replaced by fear. He had seen Nicky's rage the last few days and terrible thoughts occurred. Perhaps Nicky wanted revenge...just like Derek did. Instinctively, Kian recoiled and moved away, a look of terror apparent on his face.
Nicky looked at Kian in shock. What was going on? "Kian...what are you doing?"
"Oh God...don't hurt me, Nicky. Please...I'm sorry..." he mumbled softly, his eyes still betraying the absolute fear that Kian was feeling.
"What are you talking about, Kian?" Nicky moved to the bed and held Kian, calming the terrorized singer.
The familiar touch of Nicky brought back so many memories for Kian. This was what he missed so much. This caring and loving touch was what was different between Nicky and Derek. Why didn't he see this before?
"I'm so sorry, Nicky," Kian finally said. "I'm so sorry..."
"Shhh..." Nicky hushed his band mate. "It's alright now, Kian. Everything is going to be alright."
Kian began to tremble and his sobs returned. "No, Nicky. Everything's not going to be alright."
"Come on, Kian. You just need to get some rest. Everything is going to be fine," Nicky reassured Kian.
"How can everything be alright?" Kian asked as he looked into Nicky's eyes for the first time. "Time and time again, I've hurt the person that I loved. I've betrayed the trust of my friends. I've hurt innocent people. How can things be alright, Nicky? How?"
Not knowing what to say, Nicky simply held Kian in his arms and hugged him, stroking his hair gently. "Kian, that's all in the past. It'll be okay..."
For the first time in days, Kian felt safe. He felt safe in Nicky's arms. "But this couldn't be," he thought. "I raped Nicky...I raped him!! Why is he being so nice to me?"
Pushing Nicky away, he looked at the older boy's eyes again. "Please...don't, Nicky. Don't do this to me..." he begged.
"What is it, Kian?"
"Nicky...I hurt you. I betrayed you, I lied to you...I...I...used you..." he cried. "Please, Nicky. Hit me...yell at me...just don't be so nice to me, Nicky. I can't take it any more!!!" Kian cried out in agony. His guilty conscience would not let him go. He was so wrapped up in guilt and despair. Only now did he truly believe in retribution. He knew he deserved this torment. This was his punishment for his crimes.
Nicky's heart ached as he saw Kian in such agony. Ignoring Kian's pleas, he pulled Kian close and hugged him again. "That's all in the past, Kian. It's too late to change the past...it's time to let go, Kian."
Kian looked at Nicky with his glassy eyes. He was in awe of his band mate and former lover. He could not believe that anyone could sit here and talk to him after what he had done. He had expected condemnation and instead, he got love. "Nicky...why?"
Nicky looked away for a brief moment. The fact was that his heart still hurt. He was still devastated by what had happened. But over the last few days, he too had learned something new. Only now did he understand what Mark had said to him at the park a few days earlier. "You can't forget the past, but you can't let the past control you either." He had witnessed first hand what happened if he let the past control him. All that resulted was anger, pain, and suffering. He had to let go...for his sake, for everyone's sake. It wasn't easy, but he had to let go.
"Kian...what you did hurt me," he said as he looked directly at Kian. "You killed a part of me, Kian. But if I stayed angry with you forever, I would've ended up killing the rest of me. I can't change what's happened...I just have to deal with it. We might not be able to be lovers...but I don't want to lose you as a friend."
Kian's eyes swelled with tears. He never imagined that he would live to hear those words from Nicky. He had prayed countless times since the "incident" that he could hear those words before he died. And now, his prayers had been answered. "Nicky...I don't know what to say..." Kian was overwhelmed with emotion. But Nicky's kindness was a double-edged sword. While it relieved him of his emotional pain somewhat, it also once again reminded him of his foolishness in choosing Derek over Nicky.
Nicky gently caressed Kian's tear-stained face. "Tell me that you'll move on. Tell me that you'll be strong and be the wonderful person that I know you can be..." Nicky smiled at Kian but tears were also falling down his face. This talk with Kian was in itself a healing process for him. He had come to terms with the past. He had conquered the demons that hounded him. He had come to terms with Kian. It seemed that the weight of the world was lifted off of him.
"I promise...I promise I'll do everything I can to be a new person...to regain your trust...to prove that I can be better than the old Kian..." Just like the old times, Nicky was the one who gave Kian strength. After a while, another thought occurred to Kian. "Nicky?"
"What is it?"
"Do you have feelings for Bryan?"
Nicky was caught off guard with this question. "What do you mean?" he asked nervously.
"Nicky...anyone can see that Bryan loves you. Don't repeat my mistake."
Nicky was puzzled as to where Kian was going with the question and he really didn't want to discuss the subject. Over the past few days, he had tried to avoid thinking about Bryan. Now wasn't a good time to start thinking about him again.
But Kian wasn't about to let it go so easily. "Nicky. Listen to me...don't follow in my footsteps. Don't let him go...he loves you. You mean the world to him. Life is short and you don't find many people who can truly love you. Don't push him away."
Nicky looked at Kian in shock, not believing that these words were coming from Kian's mouth.
Kian sighed and continued. "I love you, Nicky. I've always loved you. And I can say that I still love you. And I'm so grateful that you've forgiven me. I don't deserve it and I never thought I would be forgiven for what I've done. But the last little while, I've learned that saying sorry can't change a lot of the things that's happened. What I've done...can never bring back what we had together. That's the price that I have to pay for my foolishness. I'm just so fortunate that we can still be friends..."
Nicky opened his mouth to say something, but Kian signalled that he wasn't finished.
"I know you, Nicky. You're the most faithful person that I've ever known. Whether it's to your family, to your friends, or to your lover. You've never strayed and you'll always remain true to them. That's just who you are. I don't want you to feel that you owe me anything just because we were lovers before. I love you so much Nicky. I wish it didn't have to be this way...but I have to let you go. I can't hold on to you forever, Nicky. I can't tell myself that I love you and keep you from the one person who can give you the love you deserve...the one person who can make you happy. Please don't push Bryan away, Nicky. Please. He loves you..."
Even Kian could not believe what he was saying. He was giving Nicky away...to Bryan. His heart ached so much, and all the tears in the world couldn't describe how much this hurt...but deep down, he knew this was the right thing to do. The fact was that he knew from the day Nicky found him cheating on him that Bryan loved Nicky. The way that Bryan took care of Nicky while he was down, the way how Bryan endured so much for Nicky proved to him that Bryan was the person who could give Nicky the love that he deserved. And even though he didn't admit it, Kian could tell that Nicky felt the same about Bryan. After all that has happened, Kian could not stand in the way of Nicky's happiness. He had to make Nicky happy...no matter how much it hurt.
"I...I don't know...I don't know what to say, Ki..."
"Go find him, Nix. Talk to him. You can't let him go," Kian pleaded. "Let me tell you something, Nix. Like I said before, I love you. I really love you. But Bryan will love you more than I could ever love you. That's how much he loves you."
Nicky was overwhelmed by all that Kian's told him. "I'll talk to him, Kian..." Deep down, Nicky knew Kian was right. He had been denying this all along. But it was time Nicky stopped running away from the issue.
In all this emotional upheaval, both Kian and Nicky had forgotten how Derek fit into the equation. It wasn't until Kian winced from the bruise on his face that Nicky remembered about the wounds.
"Kian?" Nicky asked, his eyes on the numerous cuts and bruises that Kian sported.
"Yeah?"
"Who did this to you?"
It was then that Kian realized that the Derek problem still existed. His rift with Nicky might have been resolved, but there was no way that anyone can solve the Derek problem for him.
"You mean these bruises?"
Nicky nodded as he patiently waited for an answer.
"I was so upset that last few nights...I didn't know what to do seeing you and Bryan falling apart...I ended up at a bar drinking...somehow I ended up in a fight with someone...and next thing I knew, you found me in the hallway..."
Turning to face Nicky, Kian's heart sank as he saw Nicky's reaction.
"You suck at lying, Kian. I was your boyfriend, remember? Now tell me the truth...all of it," Nicky ordered.
...to be continued....