This story is a work of fiction. None of the characters are real and any similarities between this story and/or any characters in it and real life is purely coincidental.
THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF CONSENSUAL SEXUAL ACTS BETWEEN TEENAGE MALES. IT IS INTENDED FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE ONLY! IF YOU FIND THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL OFFENSIVE, OR IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, OR UNDER THE LEGAL AGE TO VIEW SUCH MATERIAL THEN PLEASE READ NO FURTHER.
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I was in bed, asleep, when I felt little kisses all over my body, soft and subtle. I thought it was a dream and I just relaxed. It wasn't long before I moaned out, "Oh, Toby..." and got back a grunted, "Don't open your eyes."
Which wasn't Toby's voice. My eyes flew open to see a large man whose face I couldn't make out, on top of me forcing my legs back. I screamed out for help, and he just laughed.
"Don't worry, little faggot, it'll all be over soon enough." I tried to push him off, but it was useless. His arms were tying up my legs with ease and I knew if I couldn't move him with them, I was toast. Instead, I tried to push back, but he used his grip on my legs to drag me toward him.
Suddenly, I felt him plunge into me with no lube and pain seared through my body as he drove home in one stroke. I could feel something give inside me and I knew something was very wrong. Crying, I begged him to stop, but he kept pistoning. I felt wetness near where I was gripping the sheets and raised my hands up to see blood. At that point I was really scared. I knew what could go wrong with anal and I knew what he was doing not only hurt, it was causing pain like I'd never felt down there before.
On the bottom of a stoke he hit the wall, hard, and I snapped up, awake, in my bed. My sheets were soaked through with sweat and I drew my legs up to my chest and just sat there, rocking, telling myself it was just a bad dream. After my breathing returned to normal, I looked over at the clock on the table next to my bed which glowed 348.
I got up and got something to drink, then broke off a bit of a Xanax and got back in bed. This had become something of a ritual for me over the previous two weeks. I'd told Arya about the dreams and he insisted it was stress. To be honest, I wasn't terribly concerned about them, at least not until this one. I still wasn't able to make out a face but the feeling of being completely powerless and unable to stop someone from hurting me was debilitating. This wasn't at all like letting Toby dominate when we had sex... I never once felt uncomfortable when that happened. This was something different, someone looking to intentionally hurt me.
I finally got comfortable again, then fell back to sleep.
This was the first rape dream I'd had, but I could sense a theme developing with the dreams I'd been having. They were all bad, ominous more than terrifying (at least until that one), and I wasn't in control of anything. Arya's diagnosis of stress didn't really seem to fit since I wasn't under any unusual duress. If anything, by that point at the end of October, I was pretty stress free.
I woke up that Wednesday morning and got ready for school like I always did, still a little out of it from the interrupted sleep, but calm and stable thanks to the Xanax. I ended up taking Cat to school, but got to Shepton early enough to actually hang out a little before the bell rang. Everyone was talking about the weekend. Since Halloween was on Monday, the parties were being planned for Friday after the game then Saturday night Molly and Mark had convinced their parents to let them have one that was sure to be a blast. Willy, Brent, and George were coming up to spend the night Saturday with me, while Alan was going to be with Josh and Lane at the condo Neil had purchased. I was really excited to get my new friends together with my old, especially since some of them already knew one another via Skype and Facebook. I had wanted Darnell to come, but his parents absolutely rejected the idea. It wasn't me being gay they had a problem with, it was THE LACK OF SUPERVISION. They pretty much nailed that my father was far less of a disciplinarian than them.
The day ended up passing pretty normally and surprisingly, I didn't really feel like sleeping which was odd since in History especially my eyes could get a little heavy. By gym, I was ready for the day to be over, though, since we did legs and squats always wore my narrow ass out. And it didn't help to have Greg and Julian yelling ASS TO GRASS at me.
While leg day was pretty miserable, it was having a very pronounced effect on my ass and my legs. I'd been upping the calories I was taking in as my body adjusted and was up another 5 pounds during the month of October. At 5'9", I was now 169 pounds and it showed, at least to me. I felt bigger and was definitely stronger. Greg, the luckiest guy in the world, had yet to plateau. He'd lost another 10 pounds and put on muscle. His waist wasn't lean yet, but his stomach had flattened out and that muffin top he'd had just four weeks ago was gone. He was also strong as hell which made working out with him kind of a challenge, but neither of us was ready to admit defeat and say it was time to switch up partners.
After school, I went to watch Toby practice, then we went to his house for dinner. At least once a week we had dinner with his family and had dinner with mine another night. Dinner with his family was pretty fun, but dinner with us was mostly my father and Toby talking about things while Cat and I made fun of them. By this point, my father seemed totally at ease with Toby. He seemed to devolve a bit into a dudebro when Toby was around and it cracked Cat and I up constantly.
After dinner at his place that Wednesday, we went up to his room to study. I desperately needed help with Algebra 2 and was beginning to question how the hell I got into the class in the first place. He'd gone over my questions and I'd been working on problems when I looked over at him. He was reading a book and it took a few seconds for him to look up from it and smile at me. It instantly reminded me there was something I needed to know.
The Saturday before my birthday something changed in Toby. There was a seriousness to him now that wasn't present before, at least when it came to me. It wasn't heavy or oppressive, it was just there. He stood straighter, was clearer with me, and was completely sure of himself with regard to me and our relationship around others. He'd never been nervous or shown hesitation, but there had been times when he seemed almost too eager to talk about us, as if somehow it would make it all normal in the minds of others, without realizing they already thought it was normal.
After that night, that stopped and he was different.
"May I ask you a question?"
He raised up a bit, "Sure, babe, anything."
I really didn't know how to broach this, but the thought had been grinding on me ever since that night that something had changed.
"Well, I just noticed something about you over the last six weeks. It's nothing bad, it's just that something changed in you that night we first had dinner with Lane and Josh. From the moment we walked over to get ice cream, you were different."
He just looked at me, a small smile on his face, "Uh huh..."
"What happened that night? Did Josh say something to you?"
"I asked him about something and then he gave me an answer."
I looked back at him, my curiosity obvious, "Care to share the conversation?"
"Well, I'd asked him if he ever fell asleep with you and he said he had, a bunch of times. I asked him if he'd ever noticed you whimper before you fell asleep."
"Oh, God... that? Josh and my mother think it's the cutest thing ever."
"Well, it is. But, he also told me why you do it."
As I looked at him, I just smiled. "Yeah, it shouldn't come as much as a surprise that I feel safe with you."
"I know, but you have to understand where my head was. We'd been dating for, what, four weeks at that point? I'd met your dad and your sister. I'd talked to some of your friends with you on Skype. I had a good idea you were the kind of person you appeared to be since all those people wouldn't love you like they do otherwise.
But what you don't know is that I'd already fallen for you. Hard. So hard, I was really worried about how you felt about me."
"You knew I loved you, we'd already talked about it." I asked.
"Yeah, but you didn't know when or how far I'D gone. Babe, I fell in love you with when my eyes first landed on you."
I looked back at him with a puzzled expression, thinking about that night. "But you couldn't have. All you could see was my back and the back of my head."
"Yeah, I got lucky that the front ended up being absolutely beautiful. I was already gone before you even turned around and smiled at me. Mark saw it right then. I was supposed to go up and talk to you, but I completely froze. That's why Mark had to introduce us.
Anyway, by the time we had dinner with Josh and Lane I knew I was in dangerous territory. I knew you loved me, but I wasn't sure how deeply that went. I talked to Josh a little about it when we were outside and you and Lane were chatting. He told me just to talk to you and be honest. He was completely certain you felt the same.
When we were studying earlier in the week, and you fell asleep, you made the whimpering noise. The first time you did it was when you fell asleep on me that Saturday night that we stayed in to watch movies. It made me smile, it's just so sweet, and I wanted to know more about it so I asked Josh if he'd ever noticed it. That was when he told me about his conversation with your mother. While he was telling me the story, I realized they'd gotten it half right. It wasn't just about feeling safe, you do it when you feel loved and when you love the person close to you.
It gave me that little bit of reassurance I needed. Now, when I catch you looking at me, I feel that wash over me and it's really amazing. It's also scary because you're now my responsibility."
"Toby, come on, I'm not some kind of freak you have to do everything for," I said, smiling.
He laughed, "I know, and it's not about that. Your heart is my responsibility. I knew then that you'd given it to me, but that for lack of knowledge about you, I'd completely missed it. I knew then that you trusted me, and it was something I couldn't take for granted. That was the night I really understood what it meant to love someone. It was the night I realized I was a man and that there was nothing I wouldn't do to keep you safe and happy."
At that moment I melted. There wasn't anything to hold back the emotion I felt and I could feel a few tears cascade down my cheeks from my rapidly filling eyes. He smiled back at me with total ease and confidence, already aware of what I felt for him, his own eyes only slowly watering.
I wiped the tears away and cleared my throat, "Well, I just wanted to know what was up," I replied, trying desperately to compose myself. "And for the record, I fell in love with you that first night as well."
He perked up a bit, suddenly very interested, "Go on..."
I smiled, "Well, when we shook hands it was pretty electric. I knew I was in trouble. I was trying hard not to be too obvious."
"That was when you fell in love with me?" he asked.
"No, I'm getting to that. So, we finally broke the handshake and started talking. Then Reggie came over and made a comment about bringing me along for keg stands..."
"My little friend?"
"Yeah. You shifted like you were about to punch him."
He snorted, "I was. That pissed me off. Then you put your hand on my arm and I just relaxed. I don't know how you do it and I'll probably never figure it out, but when I'm really upset about something and you touch me, the anger just kind of melts off."
"Well, if it's any consolation, when you look at me and smile like you are right now, I start feeling goofy."
That got me a laugh, "Yeah, I got that down pretty quick. It's my magic way of getting you to agree with me."
"OK, OK... stop. After Reggie left, you went to get us drinks and when you came back, we went to find a place to sit. Do you remember what I was wearing?"
He didn't hesitate, "Dark blue board shorts with a logo on them I didn't recognize."
"Damn, you've got a good memory!"
"There's not much about that night I don't remember. So go on..."
"Well, we turned to walk and when we did you put your hand on lower part of my back, just above the waist of those shorts. That was the moment I fell."
"Oh, you're kidding! Just that?"
I sighed, "Well, if I knew you were going to make fun of me..." I pouted which got a pillow thrown at me. "Yeah, just that. Toby, you see how some of the things you do effect me?"
He smiled, "Yeah, like kissing you. There are times when we just kiss and it's amazing, and then there are times when you let go and it's like you're giving yourself to me. You let me really hold you, support you, and it's, I don't know, right."
I couldn't help but smile, "Like that. But, really often, it's the little things you do. Like when you wrap me up in a hug from behind, or when you kiss the back of my neck as I'm falling asleep. It's those gentle, affectionate things that really get to me. When you put your hand on my lower back, you're not being controlling, it's possessive. Like you're saying to the world 'He's mine!' and it's really nice."
He sat there looking at me for a moment before saying, "I didn't even realize I do that."
"Exactly. It's one of those subconscious things you do that show me how you feel. It's hard to fake."
"I get it. So that's when you fell for me?"
"Yep,"I replied, leaning back on my elbows, "That was the moment."
"I love you so much," He said, as he climbed over the bed to me, laying down on me and kissing me. We ended up staying that way for a few minutes more before he quickly checked my work and gave me a thumbs up, something of a relief since I had a test on Friday for which, until then, I'd felt really ill prepared.
"You're going to do fine on this test, babe!" He said. Then, "You must be pretty excited about Willy and Brent coming up Saturday?"
I smiled, "You know, I really am... Oh, and I forgot tell you about my conversation with Willy Sunday night."
He leaned back, using his pillows to support him, "What happened?"
"Well, remember when Lane and Josh won that homecoming court thing?"
"Yeah?"
"That's the backstory... when nominees were made for the homecoming court, the juniors had put them on the ballot. The school administrators were actually really cool about it, thinking that while they were nominated, they probably wouldn't get it. Then they did...by a decisive margin. So, on the field that night were two straight couples and a gay couple who were made the junior princes."
He looked at me with kind of misty eyes, "I wish that could be us."
"Yeah, I know..." I responded, wistfully. In truth, I didn't really care, but I knew he did. Even if the world was perfect, it wouldn't have worked since we were a year apart.
"Go on with the story!" he said, insistently.
"OK, since the end of September Willy and Susie have been helping out with this youth group at Willy's church. Everything was good until this past Sunday when Willy's pastor gave a sermon about the change in moral standards and how the children shouldn't embrace homosexuals, specifically mentioning homecoming. Willy and Susie took it personally. First, it was a direct attack on Josh and Lane, two people they really loved. Willy, being Willy, saw it secondly as an attack on his best friend."
"That's understandable." Toby said.
"Yep and to his credit, he didn't make a scene in the church but while eating lunch with his parents, there was a very spirited discussion. Willy made the decision, after it, that he needed to talk to the pastor before he could continue with the youth group. His father just told him to do what he needed to do without getting angry and that he and his mother would back him all the way."
Toby piped up, "Willy's dad seems pretty solid."
"He is. I've known him all my life, he and my father went hunting together before we were even born. It's one of the reasons why we've always been close, we were just thrown together. Anyway, Willy and Susie got to the Church about 20 minutes before the group was set to start and told the pastor they would no longer be participating because of the sermon. The discussion wasn't really what he expected, I'm sure.
The pastor started off with, 'Now, I know you play football with that boy, but you need to be careful...' Willy jumped right in, 'Well, sir, if you're going to talk about them you need to know their names. Josh and his boyfriend Lane are close friends, Josh isn't just a teammate.' "
Toby, smiling, said, "Daaaamn!"
"I know, right? The pastor responded, 'Son, I understand that you think these people are your friends. It's admirable than you can separate the sin from the sinner, but it doesn't change the fact that their relationship is an abomination in the eyes of God.'
So Willy replied, 'Well, sir, I don't see it that way. God doesn't make mistakes and I see how much they love one another. Plus, your condemnation is really about the Old Testament and frankly I don't see you adhering too closely to that scripture. I watched you tear into the shrimp at my parents Christmas party last year as if it were your last supper.'
At this point, he told me, Susie had to excuse herself to keep from laughing out load."
"I can imagine, I know I would have," Toby said laughing, clearly imagining the discomfort of Willy's pastor.
"Then the pastor says, 'Willy, you need to understand that within Leviticus there are laws that apply...' And Willy cuts him off, 'Only to Jews and not to others. Yeah, I've heard that argument and I don't think it holds much water. What you don't realize is that my feelings on this are based on more than knowing Josh and Lane. My best friend is gay. He didn't tell me for years, mostly because of fear about how I would react. That didn't make sense to me since he's known and trusted me all his life. At first, I was hurt but then I realized that so much of what was being said had made him fearful of ME. He was so twisted up by condemnation from so called religious leaders that he didn't know if I'd still be there for him. That I just couldn't have. People like you made him that way and it's not something I want to support or be around.' "
"Shit!"
"Then the pastor tries to intimidate Willy by asking about his father, 'Willy, this is really disappointing. Have you talked to your father about this?' And Willy just calmly replies, 'Yes sir, extensively. I told him what I was coming here to do today and he told me he'd support my decision. I figured I owed you the respect of telling you eye to eye what I thought, why, and what I was going to do about it.'
"What did the pastor say?" Toby asked.
"Willy said he was pretty dispirited by this point. 'Well, I understand. I'll pray for you, son.' Willy just smiled and told him, 'Well thank you, sir. Can't ever have too many people praying for you, I suppose.'
Now, he's telling me all this while we were on Skype and as he finished, I said I needed a minute and thought I'd hit the hold.
I cried like a baby, I just couldn't help it. Willy's always been someone I knew I could trust, but this kind of blew me away. I straightened myself up and then went back to the computer only to see him on the screen, wiping away tears. Only then did I notice I wasn't on hold.
I blurted out, 'Willy...' And he just smiled back at me, 'Rob, it's OK. I love you, too.' I told him it's more than that, that I was so overwhelmed by what he did that I couldn't put it into words and he said, 'It's cool, dude. Just remember, I'm still the same guy I always was...'
I lamely responded, 'Yeah, I know, but...' Willy just laughed, 'There isn't a but. You're an important part of my life, just as I'm an important part of yours. That's all there is to it. Don't go swimming around in your head on this, it is what it is.' "
As I finished, Toby hugged me to him, tightly.
"Josh told me he, Willy, and I were all very similar, especially when it came to you. Honestly, I think Brent is probably in there, too, especially after seeing the three of you together at your mother's house. You're so close that it's hard to see how much you matter to one another until one of you is attacked. That closeness has given you all a sense that nothing can ever happen to you. When that's tested, or when something happens, there's no turning your back on your friend. And I have no doubt in my mind if he needed a kidney, you'd make him take one of yours."
"Yeah, I would. I would give up Cherry Diet DP for him."
Toby laughed at my dumb joke, then straightened up a bit, "I need to ask you a question about how much Willy knows," he paused for just a second, as if saying the name itself was causing him pain, "about Kurt and what he did."
I looked at him in shock, "He doesn't know the whole story, just that he cheated on me. Only a few people in Cali know it, along with you, Lane, and my family except for my father."
"Have you thought about telling him?"
"NO. I don't want him to know. I know he'd want to beat Kurt, but I could probably get Josh to lean on him and put out that fire. The problem is, he'd know how weak I really am, just like you all do. It's embarrassing that I let myself get used like that."
"You weren't used, you were abused. There's a difference."
"Yeah, well, I still should have been more careful. But I was weak. It's that weakness that could have gotten me sick. Willy sees me as an equal, as his best friend, and finding out that I'm just another weak willed faggot will change our relationship."
Toby flinched when I said 'weak willed faggot'. "That's completely nonsensical and you know it."
"Is it? Tell me you don't occasionally question my decision making and my ability to say no because of that?"
"I don't. I trust you completely. And you're not at all weak."
I teared up, remembering how I was just 6 months before. It hadn't been hard for Kurt to talk me into barebacking. In fact, it had been easy for me to give in to him. I owned that, I understood what I had done and there wasn't any hiding from it.
"Toby, you don't realize how easy it was for him. I didn't put up any kind of real resistance," I said, crying. I felt ashamed, but I knew I needed to be honest, to get this out. "It would be even less trouble for you. When it comes to you, I've never really been tested because you've always been so thoughtful and considerate, but I know if you wanted to talk me into something, you could very easily."
"Of course I could, just as you could talk me into something easily. We love and trust one another. We accept that while it may not be something we're comfortable with, the other person knows enough and we trust their decisions."
I wasn't sold, "You don't get it..."
"Yes, I do. It's you who doesn't get it. You were in love with an asshole who thought nothing of his safety or yours. I doubt it would ever occur to him, even if he had a million years to live, what a precious gift he had in someone who trusted him completely.
When you look at me, I see that in your eyes. It's pure love. THIS is what I was talking about earlier. As Josh and I were talking, I realized how oblivious I'd been to not have realized that you'd given me your heart. It hit me like being slugged in the stomach with a sledgehammer. I knew right then I needed to step up in a much bigger way, that my childhood had ended because there was another human being who trusted me and loved me unconditionally. There was someone I wanted to stay, forever, in my life."
"But..."
"You need to stop with the 'buts'! I've thought about who you are and what you've been through so much over the last month and I'm completely in awe of you. A horrible person took advantage of you, then took you for granted and without even a thought, trampled your heart. You came through that, but it didn't make you bitter and jaded, it made you stronger. Giving yourself to someone, without reservation, despite what you've been through is exceptional in so many ways. It's not weakness, it's breathtaking confidence in yourself and a willingness to believe, based on nothing but blind faith, that the future would be better. It's not something I could have done, I know that. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
I wiped away my tears and thought about what he'd said. It reminded me of my conversation with Neil the night before we left for California in July.
"Don't let what this dirtbag did make you hopeless and cynical. You're such a beautiful person that you have to share that with someone. I can't promise you there won't be another Kurt, but if there is, you'll know to cut it off sooner. If there isn't, you'll open yourself up to something amazing."
"Yeah, I think so." I stopped for a second, then looked back up at him. "You think Willy will see things the same way?"
"Yeah, I do. But it's got to be your call. Personally, I don't think you should tell him, but if you decide to don't think it makes you look weak. You made a decision based on lies."
We ended up talking a bit more, then it was time for me to get home. I felt some relief having gotten this off my chest, but I still had these nagging doubts about how much of it was accurate. I still felt like a pushover.
The rest of the week went well and that Friday, Cat and Reese had decided they wanted to go to the game, so I bought them tickets and they rode with me. Cat and Molly hit it off really well. It was like witnessing the passing of some sort of cool baton from the Senior Who Ruled to the Girl She'd Decided To Anoint As Her Successor. I made some comment to Reese about it at one point and he smiled with the obvious pride of the boy who'd managed to land the HBIC.
"She just runs things," he said.
"Well, don't let her run you." I replied, causing him to laugh.
"But why not? She's good at it and I like it. It may not be like you and my brother, but it works for us and I never feel stifled by it. Honestly, I'm usually pretty amazed at how easily she makes decisions and how right they usually are."
I looked back over at her, talking with Molly and Jill about something and I realized how different Cat and I really were. She had that ease with people, that confidence, that I never really had. It gave me a whole new appreciation for her.
When the game was over, I ran Cat home while Toby took Reese and then came over to pick me up. One thing that always got me when he did this is how he insisted he come to the door to get me. At first, I thought it was for the benefit of my father but then I realized he was being polite and respectful. To him, the idea of blowing the horn to let me know he was there, so I could run out of the house, was distasteful.
Just about everyone had gone to Bennetts after the game, but we decided to go get something to eat first since Toby was starving. It took an enormous amount of food to keep him going. It was something of a relief, at least, that he didn't eat like Josh.
He asked how The Kids were during the game and I told him what I'd observed and what Reese had said. He didn't seem surprised.
"Reese isn't a wimp, you don't have to worry about him. But he is really agreeable. Even when he was a kid, he was down for just about anything and never whined when I told him he couldn't do something with me and Mark or Jack. However, when he doesn't want to do something, it's impossible to move him. Cat hasn't seen it yet, but she will eventually. What do you think will happen?"
I didn't even have to think, "She'll decide if it's the hill she wants to die on and proceed from there. Cat's able to give in, she just doesn't do it often. I don't even bother trying to persuade her on things, I see what she thinks and then if it's something I can live with, I go with it. It sounds like Reese does the same thing."
He leaned back, looking at me, "I just realized how much you and Reese are alike. You both let things roll off you that other people would get upset about. How do you do it?"
"When that happens, it's because the issue doesn't matter to me. My dad used to get frustrated around Christmas because there wasn't a long list of stuff I wanted, just a few things. I really didn't care and he could never understand it. It's the same thing with eating out, there isn't anything I really hate so it's easy to pick something and go there. Plus, I'll try anything." I said. "I don't have some giant ego that insists I must always be right and everyone should fall in line."
"And none of this creates any issues with the GAD?"
I'd popped a fry into my mouth, "Occasionally, but my anxiety is usually over bigger things. I may have an attack trying to decide something that's trivial, but that decision isn't what's causing the attack. There is always an underlying cause and it's something deeper or related to a trigger."
"I see some of that in Reese..."
I cleared my throat, "How so?"
"The way he takes things onto himself. He's more mature than I am in a lot of ways, he really takes things seriously. When something happens, he doesn't hyperventilate or anything, but he paces a bit until he's worked it out."
"Sounds like he developed a better coping mechanism than me!"
He laughed, "Should I be worried about him?"
"No. You shouldn't be worried about me, either. If what he's doing stops working, he may need to see someone but honestly it sounds a lot like normal teenage angst."
"So what was Cat doing during all this?"
I leaned back in my chair, "Oh, that was the interesting part. She's talking to Molly, Jill, and the other girls like they're all old friends. It was like Molly was passing the torch to her. It also made me realize how different we are."
He looked at me with what I'd begun calling his Huh? look. Head tilted just a bit, eyes curious, kind of like a dog who has just heard a high pitched noise.
"What do you mean how different you are? Half the time I think you share a brain." He adjusted himself in his seat and continued, "You realize that sometimes when you're talking, the two of you use kind of a verbal shorthand and it's really had to follow. It completely bewilders your dad."
"It's not intentional, it's just what we do."
"No, I figured that out a while back. I only bring it up because you're not as different as you think."
I smiled, "You didn't see her with them. Cat's always had an easier time with people than me. I get intimidated and she doesn't. She has a lot more confidence than I do. People feed into it and those who are like her, like Molly, see it and recognize it for what it is."
"Eh, you're like that, too, you just don't see it."
That made me laugh, "That's therapy, it's not inate. With her, it is."
"OK, do you feel like you have to fake your confidence around others?"
"Like who?" I asked.
"Ethan, for example."
I thought for a second, "Sometimes. Ethan's really at ease in his own skin and sometimes it's intimidating. So, yeah, I bluff it up occasionally."
Toby smiled, "You don't need to, he really thinks the world of you. Remember a few weeks ago when we went out to dinner with them?"
"Yeah,"I said hesitantly.
"When you went to the bathroom, they basically unloaded on me about when I went Crazy." Crazy. That was the word he'd started using to describe how he'd reacted to the whole story about Kurt. It encompassed not only his missteps with me, trying to distance himself, and also his anger with Jack. I absolutely hated it, but I hadn't figured out a replacement yet.
"Why would they do that? They don't even know the whole story..."
"They just knew something was upsetting us. And then it wasn't. But they never once assumed you did something wrong, they KNEW it was all me and they gave me some much deserved shit because of it."
"Oh, Toby, I'm sorry. Why didn't you say something?"
"So you could get in his face about it? No way. Neither of them deserved that and it's kind of why I'm telling you this. I've known Ethan for a big chunk of my life, you've known them, what, 10 weeks and already they care about you so much they were willing to give me hell for hurting you. It was like my reaction to Jack taking you aside, they just knew I was completely at fault and that I needed to be a better boyfriend."
"Yeah, but it's not what I would have wanted."
He smiled, "Babe, I know that and you're missing the bigger picture. There are a lot of people that really love and look up to you. They respect you and it's not because of me or anyone else, it's just how they react to you. Cat may have an easier time interacting with people, but you're really very similar in that people respond well to you both."
"Like Dick Dornier?"
He laughed, "OK, so not everyone!"
"Bad example," I looked at my watch. "You ready to go to Bennetts?"
He stood up, "Yeah, let's go."
We talked a little more on the way over to the party about how insecure I could be at times, which he understood. His point, completely valid I think, was that everyone feels that way at one point or another. It's how you deal with it that matters. To date,I maybe wasn't dealing with it the best way. Therapy had done wonders for helping me deal with anxiety, but we'd never really broached some of the other issues I had. Clearly, there were still more layers to the onion.
Toby finished with, "Trust me, you may not be able to see it but Cat is insecure as well, she just doesn't show it and it may happen to her less than it does to you. Cat also thinks she's destined to run the world, while you are really pretty happy doing anything else. That gives her a greater sense of self which don't have yet. Trust me, it'll come."
I remember him saying that vividly because it struck a cord with me. I'd been thinking, especially now that I was exposed to the trust, that business wasn't really my bag. Sure, I could research and learn, but I didn't like it. For some reason, I felt Cat would.
Bennetts party was a lot of fun. He was the youngest of three kids and a senior so his parents at this point were pretty much absentee, usually traveling. Having parties was kind of this thing.
People weren't in costumes since most were coming from the game, but they were definitely enjoying themselves. We ended up hanging with Greg and Sebastian and then shuffled off to talk to Mark and some of the other varsity guys.
Mark was pretty hilarious, especially when he got around Jack. One on one, our conversations usually devolved quickly into sex. One time, he asked me what I thought about certain girls, then he talked about things he'd done with others and asked how to get them to do 'things' better. We ended up having a long conversation about blowjobs that, if it had been recorded would have proven really weird to anyone who didn't know us. Like make Mark look like a sexual predator weird.
This night, he and Jack were talking about a variety of things, mostly dumb shit they'd done during the years that Toby had tried to talk them out of and then ended up masterminding to keep them from getting busted. It wasn't anything big, stuff like sneaking booze or cigarettes mostly and, of course, toilet papering houses. Lots and lots of houses.
Toby had migrated off to talk to Dean Keller about something that was 'very, very serious' which ended up being nothing according to Toby when he finally came back.
By 1245, I was back home and in bed, tired from the day and excited about the next. Toby had driven me home with Jack in the back seat who was giving us crap for being so affectionate. I told him I couldn't wait to give him hell when he found someone who made him as 'affectionate' as Toby made me.
The next day was gorgeous and I was really excited knowing that Brent, George, and Willy were coming up. I hadn't seen Willy in weeks because of that damn youth group so I was hoping he'd notice that I'd filled out a little. I had asked if Toby could spend the night, but my father dropped a nuke on that idea right before he left. He wasn't comfortable having Willy and the guys know exactly how lax he was with regard to Toby and me.
I looked at my phone as I rolled out of bed and saw a text from Willy at 645 that morning...
W: Brent and I should be on the road by 3. See you around 4?
M: Sounds good. When you get to the gate just call the house and I'll open it.
Ten minutes later, as I sat down to eat, I got back
W: YOU'RE alive! Your father's going soft on you letting you sleep so late on Saturday!
I'd woken up at 930. Yes, for me it was pretty late, but for Willy it was like burning the day away. He'd had a tough game the night before, and probably partied with some of the guys on the team until 1 and he was still up at the buttcrack of dawn to do chores.
M :Whatever, fucker! One of the advantages of having my dad on a hunting trip with his bankers.
W: LOL...I'm sure he'll have stories for my dad from that! See you this afternoon!
I just sent a smiley face in response. Willy was right, my father would talk some shit about the guys he was hunting with. See, my father and Willy's dad didn't care about how they looked when they were hunting. Most of the time, they were lucky if the clothes on their backs were clean. Neither of them went in for staged hunts, which my father had been pretty sure was the deal with his bankers. He was also certain they'd be wearing neatly pressed fatigues and shooting with very expensive guns when a 12 gauge from Wal Mart would do the trick just as well.
After breakfast, I worked on some school work and some stuff for my trust, then went to workout in the gym my father had set up. He'd been the one using it mostly since I was lifting in gym class, but on the weekends and the occasional early morning, I'd used it and started to get familiar with the machines.
By the time I was done, it was just after 1. I ate lunch, then took a shower and laid down to take a nap. I figured I'd need some energy and wanted to be ready to roll when they got to the house. By 4 I was dressed and ready for them to descend.
I was downstairs when the phone rang and all I heard was "LET US IN FUCKER!" I walked to the front door and opened it as they pulled up to a stop. The guys got out of Willy's truck and I went down to meet them.
"Man, it's good to see you," I told Willy as I hugged him.
"You too, bro! Looks like you've been working out!"
"Yeah, that's a story."
We stood there for a minute or two saying hi.
"Damn, nice house," George said, giving me a hug.
Willy laughed, "Betcha ten bucks he hates it."
I looked over at him smiling, "You know me too well."
Brent looked at the house, then at me, "Why do you hate it? It looks cool as fuck!"
"Yeah, for other people. It's just, you know, too much for us. I don't know why the hell my father bought it, but it's overkill. It's like living in some old movie."
George laughed, "Like Gone With The Wind?"
"Yeah, just like that, jackass. Y'all come in and I'll show you around."
I gave them the fifty cent tour, then we went to the kitchen to get some drinks. Willy had his liquor store connection pick up a case of beer and we all had one. About 445, Josh texted to let me know he was on his way with Lane and Allen.
We were standing around in the kitchen when Cat walked in with them about 20 minutes later. George's eyes went wide when he saw her.
"Damn girl, you could make a good dog break his leash!" he said, and I punched him in the shoulder.
"Dude, leave my sister alone."
"Yeah," Josh said, as he walked over to hug me.
I sent the guys out to the patio and Cat and I sorted out what was going to happen that night. She was spending the night at a friend's who was having her own Halloween party and I had to take her over there at 7.
About 530 Toby showed up, and I went to let him in the house. As soon as I had the door open, he barged in and grabbed me up. My sister, who was coming back downstairs, just groaned.
"You two need to get a room!"
Toby just looked at her blanky, "We have one," and I shook my head in earnest, "And we've already christened it!" I finished for him.
Cat stopped, looked at us with a big smile, "With anyone else that would be sexy as hell, but it's my brother so all it does is make me think of Henry getting sick."
I took Toby out to the patio after grabbing him a beer and he said hello to the guys, mostly fist bumps and small hugs. Then he got to Willy and wrapped him up tightly.
"What's that for?" Willy asked.
Toby smiled at him, "Rob told me what you did last Sunday and I thought it was pretty awesome."
Willy's face went bright red. The other guys wanted to know what happened and Willy kept telling them nothing.
I finally spoke up, "Willy, if you don't tell them the story, I'm going to tell it."
"OK, OK," Willy whined and began to tell the story. Everyone was laughing by the end of it, except Brent.
"Dude, you told me you just got tired of dealing with the kids. Why didn't you tell me the whole thing?"
"I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Honestly, our pastor isn't a bad guy, he's just wound up in the fight against marriage. Deep down, I think he knows they're all full of shit and he's on the wrong side, but working in a church in a rural area ain't the easiest, you know? I just didn't want it to get around and turn into something more than it was. I made my decision, I said my peace, that was it, you know?"
Brent smiled at him, "Yeah, I get it. You could have told me though! I wouldn't have blabbed to everyone like Rob," which predictably made them laugh.
"Hey, I just told Toby!"
Josh spoke up, "Yeah, he didn't even tell me and I'm his damn brother," he said, walking over to me and putting me in a headlock.
When I broke free, I said, "I really didn't know how you'd react."
Josh shrugged, "I'd have blown it off. I don't care what he thinks."
"Uh huh," I responded.
"No, really, I don't. I think Willy's a badass for standing up for what he knows, but I promise I wouldn't have done a thing to the man."
We sat around talking, mostly about football it seemed, until it was time to leave. I'd had one beer, cognizant that I was going to driving tonight and scared shitless of getting pulled over. I never really got drunk, except for one time with Toby which ended up being far less funny than you'd imagine. However, the thought of having to deal with an officer who could smell beer... well, it definitely made me cautious.
The guys rode with me and Cat while Toby decided to go with Josh, Lane, and Alan. We dropped off Cat, then booked over to the Mexican place where we'd decided to have dinner. One thing about this group, we could eat our weight in tortilla chips and enchiladas.
We got to the party a little after 9 and I introduced the guys around, Molly was pissed as hell Josh was gay, but her reaction was nothing compared to Mark's. He was just thrilled to meet The Man, The Legend, My Brother JOSH HASTINGS! It was a real football brofest with all kinds of back slapping, chest thumping, and fist bumping.
While Alan, George, and Brent wandered off to talk to some girls, Willy stuck with me, Ileana, and Ethan. Toby was off moderating some dispute between Reggie and a senior and he'd taken Josh and Lane with him.
We'd been standing there talking about Ouichita, making fun of me, laughing about whatever for about five minutes when I noticed a conversation behind me. It was two guys I didn't recognize, but the voice of one of them sounded familiar. I kept paying attention to them and playing the Now Where Do I Know That Voice game for, I guess, about five minutes before Ileana started in on a story about her mom and their dog which had been really sick. Apparently, her mom, while cleaning up one pool of dog vomit, didn't look where she was going and slipped on another one and fell. She wasn't hurt, but Ileana said it was hilarious and her mother was so mad about it that she had to leave the room to keep from being too obvious about her laughter.
Then I started telling her about the time Dan got sick while he was in bed with me and puked up on my bed, which ran down the side, and then down to the floor. I was still a little kid, so I cried for mother and she came in. While cleaning the mess up, the smell got to her and she ended up puking, too. Then I laughed which just made her really, really mad.
We were all laughing about that when Willy started in on a dream he'd had about a dog, long since dead, who liked to eat cat shit,throw it up, and re-eat it. As I was listening, it finally hit me. That voice, the one from the conversation behind me, was the same one I'd heard in my dream Tuesday night. That realization turned my spine to glass and I went absolutely rigid. Willy was the one who noticed it first.
"Dude, what's wrong? You look like you just saw a ghost!"
I glanced at him and quietly said, "I'm ok, I just need to find Toby."
As I pulled away from them, I got briefly closer to the two guys behind me and heard the one whose voice I didn't recognize tell the other, "Dude, you know it's a bad idea to be here. You should leave."
"I asked," the voice of my dream rapist said, "a few people and they said Jack wouldn't be here."
The other guy responded, "He might not be, but Toby and Mark are and they hate you every bit as much."
"Yeah, I was hoping Toby would come say hi. I got a little something for his queer ass."
I walked away, trying to not be obvious, and started asking people if they'd seen Toby. I finally found him near one of the kegs, talking with Reggie and a bunch of other guys, when I got about 20 feet away, he turned, laughing about something and saw me. Instantly his expression changed and he walked quickly to close the distance between us.
"What's wrong?"
I swallowed hard, then grabbed his beer and took a big drink. "This is going to sound crazy, but just listen to me. Tuesday night I had a dream that I was being raped. I couldn't make out the guy's face, but I could hear his voice and I just heard that same voice coming out of some guy up there," and I pointed to the part of the deck where we'd been standing.
He looked at me with concern, "You're serious?"
"Yep. Completely. And I overheard him and the guy he was with talking about him needing to leave and he said he'd be OK because Jack wasn't here. Then the other guy mentioned that you and Mark hated him too and he just said he was hoping to run into your queer ass because he had something for you."
In the time we'd been together, I'd seen Toby angry a few times. I'd only seen him ready to hit someone twice. This was worse, he bristled with pure aggression.
"JOSH!" he called back over his shoulder which brought him quickly over to us. "Keep Rob here. I have to go deal with something."
"Toby! What the hell is going on..."but Toby was already ten feet away, yelling for Mark, who came running up to him from another part of the back yard. They had a quick conversation and all I heard was Mark loudly yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" and taking off to where I'd last seen my dream rapist, with Toby just behind him.
I started to walk, but Josh pulled me back, as Alan and Lane walked up. I looked up at him, "Please, let me go. I need to help him!"
Josh, nervous but trying to stay calm, said, "I can't, Rob. Toby asked me to keep you here, I'm guessing because he wants to keep you out of whatever is about to happen." We stood there, staring in that direction as kids started to move inward, wondering what was happening. I was scared to death not knowing what any of this was about.
I already knew something bad was going to happen and my anxiety kicked into high gear. I didn't start to hyperventilate, but I started to tear up. The frustration at not being able to do something was unbearable.
Josh just gave me a hug, "Hey, it's going to be OK. Toby can handle himself, everything will be fine..."
And that's when we heard the gunshot. I broke free of Josh and ran as fast as I could through the people who were in my way. The whole time, images of Toby and of things we'd done kept flashing through my mind. I was dreading what I would find as I breached the crowd, only to find Toby and Mark standing there talking to Jack. My dream rapist, meanwhile, was on the ground. I came to a complete stop, eyes as wide as saucers, taking it all in, the only thought in my head was 'He's OK'.
Jack nodded in my direction, and Toby turned around toward me with a look of relief on his face. I ran and jumped into him, hugging him tightly.
"I'm OK, babe. Everything's fine."
At that point, Mark's parents came running through the doors and asked what happened. Mark told them he and Toby had come to tell Wade Allison, my dream rapist, to leave. When they got near him, his buddy tipped him off and he pulled a gun. They had a very brief and tense conversation which gave Jack, who'd just arrived, time to sneak up behind Wade and grab his arm pushing it into the air. As he did so, the gun discharged and then Jack grabbed it out of his hand and pistol whipped him, dropping him to the ground.
Mr. Ambrose told everyone the party was over and that they had about 5 minutes to clear out before the cops got there.
Toby put me back down on the ground, and asked if I was OK to drive. I told him I wasn't drunk, just shook up and Willy, who'd come over to us, said he could drive us home. By this time Brent and George had come over and Toby told Willy to get me home. Then looked down at me.
"Babe, I have to stay and deal with this. I'll come over when I'm done, I promise."
I started to stammer out an objection and he just smiled at me, "No. Let Willy get you home and I'll come over as soon as I can. I don't want you to get pulled into this, OK?"
I nodded, tears streaming down my cheeks. He leaned down to kiss me, which helped calm me some. Willy then led us out with the other kids and we got in the car for the drive back to my place after telling Josh to follow us. I just sat there in the passenger seat, overwhelmed, and didn't even notice when we got to the gate. Willy had asked me twice for the code before I realized he was talking to me.
"62870hashtag9000," was my response.
George and Brent were nonstop chatter and I was on autopilot, out the door of the Escalade the second Willy put it in park. I walked through the garage to the door and let us into the kitchen. I remember looking at the clock and noticing that it was just after 11. I immediately went to the bar in the family room and made myself a bourbon, then downed it in one swallow. I was pouring the next when the guys came in.
Willy said, "Whoa there" as I lifted the glass to my lips. The second one did it and I finally relaxed a little.
I smiled at the guys, "Sorry, it's the GAD. This seemed like a better idea than a Xanax."
Josh came in at that point and came over to me, rubbing my back. I looked over at him, "I'm sorry I freaked out like that," was all I could get out.
"You don't need to be sorry," he told me, eyes full of sympathy. "Just try to relax."
We all sat down and someone, I think Lane, turned on the TV. I was still kind of out of it while they were talking, not really paying attention. Willy was on one side of me and Brent was on the other. For a second, I flashed back to what happened immediately after Charlie died when the two of them decided, without ever actually verbalizing the decision, to act as a buffer between me and everyone else. We sat there, together, for what was apparently an hour and a half. I didn't realize it, I was just staring at the TV, only dimly aware of what was on.
The next thing I heard was Josh, holding the phone asking what to press to open the gate.
"Hashtag,"I told him. As he hung up I asked, "Who was it?"
He smiled, "It was Toby. It's all OK."
I was up off the sofa and walking to the front door as soon as he said it was Toby. I got there and opened it as he was parking and he ran up to the house, grabbed me and held me, just for a little bit. I was still so freaked out that I needed to feel him to know he was still there. I wasn't sobbing, I was relieved. He was OK and things would be OK and I didn't need to worry because he was here and that was it and I just needed to feel him a little longer. Yeah, total run on internal monologue.
He pulled back a bit, the door still hanging open and Henry nosing around us, certain something was up. I looked at him and said, "Henry, go outside and be a good boy." He slowly walked through the open doorway and turned back to look at me before going down the stairs from the porch.
"Babe, I'm fine. Everything is fine."
I started to talk and realized I needed to clear my throat since I hadn't spoken in the last 90 minutes, "What happened? Who was that guy?"
His face dropped, "That guy was Wade Allison. He was a senior last year. He was the one we always thought set up that fight between Jack and those seniors. Jack fucked up his boys bad enough and when he confronted Wade about it, Wade ran. The next day, we found out he'd gone to stay with relatives and we didn't see him again, until tonight. He apparently thought he'd start something with me and then when I tried to beat his ass, he'd shoot me in self defense. At least, we're pretty sure that was his plan, he was still passed out."
"Did anything happen to Jack?"
He sighed, rolling his head on his traps, "One of the younger officers wanted to arrest him for assault, but an older one said it was VERY clearly self defense. They cut him loose, but they're still taking pictures of the scene. I doubt Mark and Molly are going to be able to have a party for a while," he finished, laughing.
I hit him on the chest, "Quit laughing... there's nothing funny about any of this. I was freaking out!"
Toby smiled at me, "I know you were scared, Rob, but I'm OK and everything is going to be fine." he paused for a second, looking around. "Where are the guys?"
I pointed to the back of the house, "Family room. I know they're dying to hear the story. Go on and tell them while I get Henry."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah, I'm OK now that I know you're safe."
"You didn't get any of my texts?" he asked.
I pulled out my phone and noticed a bunch of texts from people, including Toby and one from Cat just a few minutes ago, CALL ME DAMNIT!
I looked up at him, "It was on silent. Cat's apparently heard what happened so I need to call her."
He walked to the back of the house while I went out and sat on the steps waiting for Henry to sniff everything in the yard, before resniffing some choice spots in an effort to winnow down his options. While that was going on, I called Cat who picked up on the first ring.
"What the hell..."
"Cat, stop. Everything is fine. The guys and Toby are at the house safe with me. We'll tell you all about it in the morning."
"You couldn't have responded earlier?" she replied, the anger in her voice obvious.
"Yeah, I'm sorry. At some point tonight I set it on silent and after we got home we were waiting for Toby to get here and I didn't even think about the phone. Never occurred to me you might have heard what happened. I'm sorry." I hoped like hell she'd know I was being genuine. The last thing I needed was her to get her back up about being ignored.
She sighed, "I'm sorry for jumping on you. I was worried and I'm really glad everyone is OK. I love you."
"I love you, too. I'll see you in the morning," and I hung up the phone. Henry finally wrapped up his thing and we walked back to the family room to hear Toby telling the story about Jack's fight last year and why this guy was there tonight.
An hour later I was pretty well spent and decided to turn in. Josh, Alan, and Lane left to go to the condo. I walked everyone out then went back in. Brent and George were in one of the guest rooms, Willy had decided to stay in my room. When I walked in, he was already stripped down to his shorts and t shirt and I just stopped, looking at him.
"What?" he asked.
I laughed, "Nothing, you just look damn good!"
That got him to smile, "Oh, so NOW I can be stroke material?" Which, predictably, made me laugh even harder.
"Nah, but I'm glad you're keeping yourself up for Susie."
I brushed my teeth and climbed into bed, with Willy right behind me.
"Dude, I'm so glad you came up and I'm sorry this was all such a shitshow."
He wrapped an arm around me, hugging me, and said softly, "That scene tonight was intense, but I didn't give a shit about the party, I just wanted to spend time with you. It's great meeting some of the friends you made up here and I hope we can do this again."
I turned over to him, "You better believe it."
We ended up talking about nonsense until I faded out. I woke up about 8 to find Willy already up and dressed, watching TV downstairs.
"Hey, you want to go with me to pick up Cat?" He nodded yes. I thought about waking up George and Brent, but decided not to since we weren't going to be gone that long.
By the time we got back, Toby was waiting at the gate and came with all kinds of good stuff from a doughnut shop. We all feasted, then the guys got dressed and drove back to Ouichita. Cat and I were going to meet with Mother and Neil at a restaurant near the condo so we didn't have to leave until 1230. Cat decided to take a nap and I convinced Toby to do the same with me.
Toby wanted to fool around a little but emotionally, I just didn't have it in me. At that moment, I clumsily put into words, what I needed more than anything was just to feel him.
"I'm sorry, I just don't have it in me right now..."
Toby broke in immediately, kissing me softly. "I love you and you don't have to say your sorry, OK?"
I nodded back and then we climbed in bed, mostly clothed for probably the first time since we'd had sex, and I fell asleep feeling safe with his arms around me. I think he understood what I needed most right then was just some assurance.
When I woke up, I felt much better and I ended up giving him a quick blow job to help him get through the afternoon since he was really keyed up. There's a special kind of satisfaction that comes from doing something just for your partner without expecting or wanting anything in return.
By the time the three of us made it to the restaurant, Josh, Lane, and Alan had already filled in mother and Neil about the events of the previous night. Mother was understandably concerned, but Toby allayed her fears about this being part of a larger problem.
Afterward, we went back to the condo to explore since Cat and I had yet to see it. Neil gave me a remote for the garage and a key for the place, telling me, "Don't abuse this,"with a very wide and knowing grin.
November ended up being great. Neil and mother planned a small anniversary party for the 5th and Cat and I basically told my father we'd be spending the night after it. Thankfully, he didn't fight us on it. We had talked about pressuring him for more Saturday nights in Ouichita, but figured we needed to go slow. Mother and Neil were still working on the appeal, but we all knew at that point that whatever happened, we'd be staying in Plano.
The party ended up being fun, but clearly meant for Neil and mother's friends more so than us. About 930, mother finally released us.
We walked out to Josh's Rover and talked about what we were going to do. I'd already texted Willy and the guys but none of them had texted back which I thought was kind of strange. At least until Josh told us where we were going, Chuck Teagues.
I stopped mid stride and just looked at him.
"What?" Josh asked, with a giant shit eating grin on his face.
"You know damn well 'what'," I responded.
"Oh, stop it. It'll be fun. Willy and the guys will be there. Toby will have a blast."
Toby looked at me oddly, "Babe, what's wrong?"
I glared at Josh who was still smiling, then at Lane, "You knew about this?"
He sighed, clearly annoyed with Josh, "Yeah. I told him he should tell you but he was afraid you'd say no. Lookit, even if Wes is there he's certainly not going to do anything to you after what you did to him."
"From your lips to God's ears..." I replied.
"Ok, stop. Who is Wes and why is it such a big deal?" Toby asked, looking at me directly.
I looked over at Josh, made a face, then turned back to Toby and said, "Wes Johnson is one of the guys I grew up with who legitimately hates me. Last year we got into fight during two a days. Then he sucker punched me the day I came out."
Toby tensed up. "Toby, relax. This was more than a year ago and he got back way more than he gave."
"THAT is putting it mildy," Josh said, obviously amused. "Chuck had a party last January and Wes started mouthing off to Rob. Rob ended up beating the hell out of him. Broke a couple of ribs, really fucked him up!" Josh said with obvious pride.
Toby had this look of shock on his face, "You beat this kid up?"
I shrugged, "He lunged at me and I just got out of his way. He landed in the dirt and I decided to take out some frustration on him."
Lane laughed, "SOME frustration. Right."
Toby started to smile, "I know you said you could handle yourself, but I never thought you'd really hurt someone. I don't know what to say... should I be nervous?" he asked, clearly amused by this new knowledge.
"Alright, smartass. Yes, I fucked up Wes." Then I looked over a Josh, "Happy?"
Josh clearly still amused, "Oh yeah. Toby needs to know these things. Toby, the fucker deserved it. Rob wouldn't let any of us touch him and when this all finally happened I was really proud of him. I just wish Willy hadn't pulled him off so soon."
That made me laugh, "Susie wishes he hadn't, too. She apparently thought I should have put him in a coma."
"So we're good to go?" Josh asked.
"Yeah, let's go!" I replied, resuming the walk to the Rover. Before we got in, Toby gave me a really intense kiss and after I recovered, I asked what it was for. He smiled and said, "Being amazing." To be honest, I didn't get it but there were a lot of things Toby liked about me that I really didn't understand.
The drive out was uneventful, save for Josh giving Toby some more details on my limited fighting history. Toby, for his part, had heard some of this before but he'd never heard the detail. He seemed kind of shocked, which I didn't understand since I'd told him repeatedly that I could handle myself. I might get jacked in the process, but I'd do as much damage as I could to the other guy as possible.
Toby got a big kick out of my coming out story, especially the part where I told Coach Edwards Wes hit like a bitch.
We didn't recognize too many people when we first got to Chuck's. Lane and I stuck together while Josh and Toby disappeared to grab drinks. While I was standing there, I felt myself get goosed and angrily flipped around only to find a smiling Christopher and Darren, both of whom I hugged.
"Good to see y'all,"I said excitedly.
Darren just nodded, dudebro for 'Good to see you as well, friend'. Christopher said, "Where's Toby?"
"Right here." Toby said, walking up to us, handing me a drink and putting his arm around my waist.
"Toby, this is Christopher."
Toby laughed, holding out his hand, "I kind of guessed that from the pictures. Good to meet you, Christopher."
Christopher raised his eyebrows at me, "Pictures?" he asked as he shook Toby's hand.
"Well, yeah. He asked about previous relationships and you topped the list."
"Oh, God, please tell me they were good!"
"They were," Toby responded. Darren introduced himself to Toby as well and we stood around, swapping stories and thankfully avoiding the topic of Kurt. Willy, George, Frank, and Brent ended up joining us at one point and the topic inevitably shifted to the previous weekend. Lane and Josh went over to say hi to some other people and we gradually made our way around the party, mostly with me introducing Toby since few of the people there had met him at my mother's which was more for my closest friends.
About midnight, Toby and I were talking to Willy and Susie when Frank came up looking really upset.
He walked right up to me and whispered in my ear, "Can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Is everything OK?" I asked him. He glance nervously at Toby, then back at me. I finally led him away a few feet from where we'd been standing.
"No, Kurt just showed up," he said.
I was trying hard not to show any reaction, but I knew I was failing. All I could think about was getting out of here without some sort of scene. The universe, however, had other plans as people started to move around us, toward the bonfire. The hell of it was, Kurt had transferred to another school before the start of the year. The word Josh had heard was that Kurt was well aware he'd worn out his welcome. Coming here was a really stupid thing to do since there were a lot of jocks here from Ouichita who hated him anyway and made no secret of the fact they'd have liked to do to him what Josh actually did.
I looked over at Toby and he knew immediately something was wrong. He walked over with Willy and Susie not far behind as Frank and I stood there, neither of us really knowing what to do.
"What's wrong?" Toby asked. I didn't even think about lying.
"He just told me Kurt is here."
Toby stiffened immediately and got the same look on his face he'd had the previous weekend before he took off deal with Wade Allison.
"Where?" he directed to Frank.
"Toby, please don't..." I said, plaintively, then looked at Willy desperate for help. Willy and Susie thankfully caught on quick.
"Toby, man, don't. I'm sure Chuck's going to toss his ass," Willy said.
Toby smiled tightly, "Well, I'd like to help him."
I put my hand on his arm, "Babe, please. Let this go."
We stood there, looking at one another, for at least a minute as the war in Toby's head raged between the Think About Rob faction and the I WANT TO KILL THAT GUY faction. I could see his jaw tensing the entire time. Darren and Josh finally broke the silence, walking back over to us from the bonfire.
Josh was all smiles as he walked up, "Well, I see you guys heard that Kurt was here."
Willy asked, "Was?"
Darren laughed, "Yeah, was. Chuck told him there were about 50 guys here ready to beat the shit out of him including Rob and his new boyfriend. He decided he should probably leave."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, when I opened them, Toby was starting to relax but he was clearly still upset.
I closed the distance between us and hugged him. Only gradually did I feel him loosen up and finally bring his hand the back of my head. When I broke and looked up at him, he was smiling.
"Thank you for stopping me," he said.
I smiled back and said, the emotion in my voice clear, "I love you."
I looked over at Josh, "Thank you..."
"Don't. Lane stopped me with Chuck's help. He told Alan and me he'd have our asses if he had to deal with the Sheriff tonight."
"Well, then I better go thank Chuck," I replied, a little irritated at Josh.
It was already close to midnight so we decided to clear out. I thought it was best to get on the road before something else interesting happened for a second weekend in a row.
When we got home, I didn't know what to expect. Luckily, everyone was in bed and we split off, with Toby sleeping in my room. He walked in and sat on the bed and I turned to find him there grinning.
I walked slowly to him, trying my best to be coquettish but from the growing smile on his face I could tell I was failing miserably. I reached him and stood in between his legs, his head angled to look up at me as he wrapped his arms around me.
"I take it this means you're not mad at me?" I asked, softly.
He laughed, "Of course not. I'm actually pretty happy all around."
"How's that?" I asked.
He laughed, "I didn't lose control and I didn't hurt you. I saw that pleading look in your eyes and it was enough to remind me that you're important, not some bullshit guy who I just want to tear apart. I kept myself in check with your help."
I breathed a sigh of relief as he leaned back on the bed, pulling me on top of him.
"I love you," was the last thing he said before he took possession of my mouth and kicked off the best sex we'd had to date.
The rest of the month was good and Thanksgiving ended up being far better than I expected. My father's family celebrated at my Aunt's and everyone loved Toby. He was even starting to grow on MoMo who confided to me that she liked him much more than the boy one of my cousin's had brought over whom she thought was a terrible snob.
She was right, the kid was a real piece of shit.
Mother and Neil decided to do Thanksgiving at the condo that Friday so we had a great time with them as well. I was off a bit from not spending time at home in Ouichita, but it was nice not having to travel and fight my father on spending the rest of the weekend there. I remember standing on the balcony of the condo, watching downtown Dallas as the sun went down, thinking about how lucky I was and how everything, from the custody battle to the move to Plano, had worked out well. Sure, it wasn't what I would have wanted if you'd asked me six months before, but sometimes the best things in your life are completely unexpected.
Toby came outside as I stood there, hugging me to him as we watched the sunset. Neither of us spoke, just enjoyed the scene before us and the light breeze.
As I turned to go inside, he stopped me with a kiss. When I opened my eyes, he was smiling at me, clearly wanting to say something. I finally asked him what had him so amused.
"Well, there's something I've been meaning to ask you about."
"What?"I asked.
"Are you still having those bad dreams?"
Thanks for reading! Any comments can be sent to doncornelius69 at yahoo dot com.
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