We Will Remember Them

This story is a work of fiction. None of the characters are real and any similarities between this story and/or any characters in it and real life is purely coincidental.

THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF CONSENSUAL SEXUAL ACTS BETWEEN TEENAGE MALES. IT IS INTENDED FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE ONLY! IF YOU FIND THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL OFFENSIVE, OR IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, OR UNDER THE LEGAL AGE TO VIEW SUCH MATERIAL THEN PLEASE READ NO FURTHER.

The author retains the copyright, and any other rights, to this original story. You may not publish it or any part of it without explicit authorization from me.

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Authors note – Sorry about the delay in getting this out. Work has been hectic, which I realize is a terrible excuse, but it just made it that much harder to write. Hope you enjoy it and please send any comments or criticism to me at doncornelius69 at yahoo dot com.

I walked back in the house, after watching Toby leave, feeling pretty low. I knew what he'd said, but I didn't FEEL like it was real. He was clearly upset and I just knew it was because I'd kept this from him. And, in my head, he was right to be... I mean, how shitty is it of someone to not tell you about having an HIV scare? Barebacking in a previous relationship, no matter how safe you felt you were being? Yeah, I remembered my conversations with Josh and mother, but it didn't do any good. In my head, I'd fucked up, badly.

I ran into my father on the way to my room and he asked what was wrong. I just shrugged and told him I was tired. I knew he didn't buy it, but he let the matter go and went back downstairs.

I went in my room, cleaned up, and got on Skype. I called Josh who was still up and through some tears told him what had happened. His reaction was, well, unexpected.

"I don't think it has anything to do with not telling him sooner, I think it's got everything to do with the idea of losing you."

I was incredulous. It was like he wasn't even listening to me."Josh, come on! I already told him I was fine and that the tests were all clear. It can't be that!"

He shook his head, looking down, "I know it shouldn't be, but I'm telling you that's where his head is right now. Today was the second time I've seen him with you and I'm completely confident in how much he cares for you. To this point, he's never considered what life would be like without his newfound other half, and then you drop the idea of coming down with HIV on him and it's natural for him to freak out a bit. He's thinking emotionally.

I would also guess he's pissed because he's having to restrain himself from doing the one thing that would make him feel really good right now..."

"Beating Kurt to death?" I interjected.

"Yep, and he's prevented from it because he knows it'll only hurt you to reopen the wound. That aggression, the need to lash out and hurt someone, is going to come out. I wouldn't be surprised if he's also putting a little distance between you to keep you out of the firing line."

"He'd never hit me, I know that for sure."

"I don't think he would either, but emotionally he might say some things he'll regret much later." He paused, for just a second, suddenly thoughtful. "I did it to Lane after his collapse in May. Didn't even realize I was doing it, but I was so angry at not being able to control things I ended up saying some things that hurt him."

"Oh, Josh..."

"Yeah, it wasn't anything too bad, most people would have brushed it off. But the look on his face at one point just crushed me and I couldn't stop crying and apologizing. That's what finally got me through it, opening up to him. I felt it again after last Sunday when we talked, so I asked Bethany to make me an appointment for me with Oates."

I coughed, just a bit, "I think it'll help, but you're going to be a little shy at first. Don't let it stop you, just tell him everything."

We ended up talking a bit more, then I climbed in bed, though I didn't really sleep well. I'd wake up from one dream, then finally back to sleep into another and none of them made any sense. They were all just unsettling.

The next morning, I got up pretty early and saw a text from Toby.

"Thank you for a great time yesterday and for being open with me. I swear to you that I love you more than anyone and I promise I'll get past this, I just need a little time."

Instantly I felt better. Not good, there was still this unresolved thing between us, but he still loved me even though I'd dropped this horrible event from my past on him. That, at least, made me feel slightly more human.

I got to school and everything was normal. I don't know why, but in situations like this I just expect everyone knows what's happening and it's weird to me that they just behave normally. That teenage ego is a hell of a thing.

Seth was the one who asked what was wrong at one point during English. Jack hadn't said a word and, if anything, just looked tired as hell. I asked him as we were leaving why he was so out of it and he just said, "I had to work late." I didn't press the matter.

The day went pretty normally. No texts from Toby, other than an XOXO when I told him I was thinking about him and that he could take all the time he needed.

Things didn't spin bad until school let out. On my way out the door, I saw a very angry looking Jack who grabbed my arm and leaned into me.

Through gritted teeth he said, "I don't know what happened but I want you to come with me to my truck right now. Don't fight me, OK?"

I just nodded my assent and we walked briskly to his truck. I felt a little like a kid who'd acted up and the difference in size between us was pretty obvious since I was basically having to run to keep up with him, even though he was just walking quickly.

We got to his truck and he put me up against the door. He leaned in close, "What the hell did you do to him?"

At that moment was the first time I felt genuine fear around Jack. I knew what he could do and what he'd done, but until that point he'd always been relaxed and easy with me, someone I felt like I could trust. As he glared down at me, I realized I couldn't have been more wrong... he liked me, but only in the context of Toby. Take that away and he'd probably just as soon break my neck, which he could have done with a flick of his wrist.

I didn't know immediately what to say, I just blurted out, "I told him something last night about my past that's upset him. He left me last night just saying he needed space." At that point, I was sure it was over and I started to cry. "Please don't tell me I lost him?"

He pulled back a little, looking at me with anger in his eyes, "I don't know. He just texted me an hour ago that he needed to talk to me after practice about you because he was in tough spot." He leaned back in, "I told you not to hurt him."

"I wasn't trying to, Jack! I promise! All I wanted was to be honest with him about something."

"Do you want to tell me what it was?" he asked.

"NO," I fairly shouted, at least loud enough to catch the attention of some of the nearby kids going to their cars. "Jack, it's really embarrassing and very personal. Please, I'm begging you, just trust me that I didn't want to hurt him. Please, believe me, I love him more than anything. Please help me!"

That softened him a bit. "I'm HIS friend, first and foremost. I can't help you, he'll have to make the decision on his own. And God help you if he's as hurt as I think he is."

I hung my head and the real tears started. I just couldn't process all of this. I tried to leave but he held me in place.

"Please let me go," was all I said and he finally moved aside, releasing me. I made it to the Escalade and then completely broke down for about ten minutes. I just couldn't do anything else. My pity party was finally broken when I got a call from Cat demanding to know where I was since I was supposed to pick her up and take her to the mall which I'd completely forgotten.

I drove to her school, picked her up, and within a minute she asked what was wrong. I told her I'd had a bad day. We drove in silence over to Willowbend and then went shopping. Well, Cat went shopping... I was too distracted to care about much of anything until she reminded me that, yes, I did need some clothes.

At one point while shopping, Cat asked again what happened to me earlier.

"What are you talking about?" I responded.

"Well, when you showed up to get me, you looked like you'd been balling. Did Toby do something?"

Being in the middle of Neiman Marcus, I stifled the breakdown I desperately wanted to have as I told her what was happening. She took it all in, then said "give him time. You're reading more into this than is probably there."

"I don't know..."

"Yes, you do. Stop over thinking it. He is one person you can take at face value."

I knew she was right, and I tried my best. Still there was a feeling in the pit of my stomach, like something gnawing at me from the inside, I couldn't shake. I could paper over it, which would have been enough for most people but couldn't fool Cat.

Dinner was uneventful save for my father who knew something was up and, in his typical manner, asked directly what the hell was wrong.

I told him it had been a tough day and left it at that. Like the night before, he let it go thankfully. After cleaning up, I went to my room to finish up homework. About 9, my father called on the intercom to tell me Toby was downstairs... with someone named Jack.

My anxiety level went through the roof. I told him I'd be right down and got up to head downstairs.

In the entry way, I found Toby standing with a very sad looking Jack. Toby came over to me, hugged me, and asked if we could talk. I told him yes and we walked outside, with Jack trailing us.

"First, I need to tell you again this isn't me being angry with you." And he stopped abruptly, shook his head, and then looked at his feet. "Except that I am angry with you, but not because you kept anything from me."

"Then why," I interjected quickly. "Why ARE you mad at me?"I asked in a voice that was more a plaintive whine than anything.

He stood there looking at me, his eyes welling, for what seemed like an eternity. I was still breathing, but it was ragged and I couldn't get a decent handle on what was wrong with him, I had to concentrate on keeping myself even. Finally, haltingly, he continued.

"I... it's hard as hell, but I have to admit that I am angry with you because I want badly to punish that asshole for what he did to you, but you won't let me."

And there it was. Hanging out there between us, invisible but palpable. What Josh had told me weeks ago suddenly flashed back into my mind. The need to punish...

"It's not that I won't let you..." I started.

"I know. It's what it'll do to you if I act, but emotionally it's messing with my head and it's just easier for me to think it's you asking me to not to without worrying about the reason why. It's brutal and completely wrong, and I know all that. It's why I wanted some space, to deal with the frustration of knowing that the one thing that would make ME feel good would also hurt you. It's a conflict and I'm having problems reconciling it. I want to lash out and I need the distance because I know at some point it's going to be at you and I can't bear that," he finished, the previously unshed tears now washing down his cheeks.

I started to move toward him and he backed up, slightly, but enough to make me stop.

"Please. Let me finish."

"But you don't need to, I understand what you're feeling..."

"I know you think you do, but you don't. And it's not just about that. The idea of losing you, because of what some moron did, hurts me unlike any pain I've ever felt in my life." Fucking Josh completely nailed it.

"But I'm fine, totally clear and healthy!"

"I know that, but the What If runs through my head drags me back into it. I know I will get past it, I just don't want to hurt anything between us while I do."

I didn't realize it but I was crying to at this point, standing there in front of a house I hated, the man I loved in front of me dealing with devastating emotional pain, and whom I wanted nothing more than to run to and comfort. I started to move toward him again, and this time he backed up, right into his car. I didn't stop and when I reached him, I wrapped my arms around him as he sobbed into me. I realized then, emotionally, he wasn't just wrapped up in my like I was in him. Somehow, I had become Toby's world and the idea of anything happening to me in a real world context had shaken him unlike anything he'd experienced before.

At that point, I was certain of one damn thing. He needed to feel me, there, with him. Trying to keep to himself hadn't been the best idea he'd ever had.

When his crying let up I didn't pull away, just softly said to him, "I'm here. I'm going nowhere. You can't be perfect for me all the time and dealing with the ups and downs is part of it. You've been there during mine and you need to know yours are not going to drive me away." He hugged me tighter with that last word.

As we pulled away, he said, "Jack told me what happened earlier. He's really the reason we're here..."

I looked over at Jack, still standing there with a look on his face akin to a chastised puppy. I gave him a weak smile.

"It's not a big deal. You mean a lot to him and he was being protective."

"No," Jack spoke up, "I was angry. I'm sorry for thinking so little of you and for acting without knowing what the hell was going on." I nodded to him.

"Toby, you really didn't need to bring him here..."

"I wanted to come. After Toby and I.... DISCUSSED things, I realized I needed to apologize to you."

"Well, thank you."

Toby cleared his throat and I looked up at him. We stared into each other for what seemed like an hour before his hand went to the back of my head and he brought me in for a soft kiss, which I gladly returned.

"Are we OK?" I asked, pulling back slightly.

"Of course. And I'm better now," he said with a slight smile.

I saw them off, then went back in to find my father waiting at the door to his office.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked.

I sighed, completely exhausted physically as much as emotionally.

"No, sir, but I appreciate the offer. If it helps, it's all going to be OK."

He smiled at me, "Why don't you go on to bed early?"

"That's precisely what I'm going to do." I told him, already moving up the stairs.

My head hit the pillow and, as I stretched my legs, the exhaustion so completely overcame me that I fell into a deep and very dreamless sleep. I woke up with my alarm, lying in pretty much the same position I had been in when I'd gone to bed, feeling Henry next to me.

I got to school a little later than usual since I didn't feel like moving fast. I knew today was going to be a struggle and before I left the house I called Dr. Arya's service and told him I needed a session as soon as possible. I was contained, but I knew I wasn't really handling a damn thing.

What I wasn't able to completely see at the time, what I probably wasn't ready to even acknowledge if I did see it, was how much I needed Toby. Things not being good between us hurt. In short, he was my world as much as I was his. The hypotheticals that were tearing him up, which all revolved around me being gone, were real for me because of the distance he'd put between us. It was ironic since what he'd hoped to avoid, hurting me, was what he'd ended up doing.

As I walked up to my friends in the cafetorium, Ethan motioned me over and asked what was wrong with Toby and I.

"What do you mean?" I responded, hoping to narrow the scope of this down to something that wouldn't bring on an embarrassing crying jag.

"Yesterday he was out of control during practice. Coach had to bench him after an hour, he was going way too hard."

"Did anyone get hurt?" I asked.

"No, at least not badly, but it was clear he was really angry and trying to work it out on the field." He shifted a bit to get closer in, "I know this is none of my business, but I'm begging you to talk to him before practice today. I'm almost sure I have a bruised rib."

I sighed, "Yeah, I'll talk to him."

I walked off, pulling out my phone and sent Toby a text that I needed to talk to him at lunch. As I got his response (yes), I looked up to see Jack standing there with what appeared to be a pretty decent black eye.

"Hey," he said. "I wanted to apologize again. What I did yesterday was inexcusable and I completely understand if you're angry with me."

I looked up at him, I'm sure the concern on my face was obvious. "Did Toby do that?"

He smiled, weakly, nodding.

"Oh, Jack, I'm sorry..."

"No, I deserved it."

"Why didn't you stop him?" I asked, which was an excellent question given that Jack was, well, Jack.

"He needed to get it out and after what I did," He stopped, clearing his throat. "Let's just say he could have done worse and I wouldn't have stopped him. Look, I know how badly I scared you yesterday and I'd like very much to say it wasn't real. But we both know it was and I can't tell you how much I appreciate your forgiveness."

The rest of the morning was spent anticipating what I was going to say to Toby at lunch. Before I knew it, I was walking toward the cafetorium, pulling my phone out of my pocket as it rang.

"Hey babe, everything OK?" he asked, his voice smooth but carrying obvious concern.

"Yeah, I wanted to make sure you were OK. I talked to Ethan... and Jack this morning."

He sighed, deeply. "Yeah, I've had to apologize to a few of the guys this morning. Last night helped so much and it makes me realize I was completely wrong to try to put distance between us to protect you. I didn't need to and it's only caused more problems."

"Toby, I love you no matter what. I just want to make sure you're OK."

He didn't answer immediately, but when he did tears filled my eyes.

"Because of you, I'm OK. I want to ask one thing..."

"Name it."

"Can I have dinner with you tonight?"

"Sure, come over after practice."

"OK, I love you... gotta go!" and as he said the words, I could hear the change in his voice back to the man I loved. It was subtle, but it was there.

The rest of the day felt so much better, like a weight had been lifted. I realized how much he meant to me and I realized how much we had started to depend on each other. It wasn't weird or unnatural, it was love.

I got a message from Arya's office to be there at 5 so I drove over immediately after school. I told him what had happened, the whole story, and he pretty much confirmed what Josh had told me and what I'd thought myself. What we both actually needed, he thought, was to talk and be together, not separate. There was too much emotion in all of it, and we needed sort it together.

As I walked out of the building, a gust of wind hit me and I looked up at the sky to see clouds, part of a cold front, moving in. It was a moment that just took my breath away and I felt overcome with a sense of positivity. I knew, in that moment, I was solid and my head was clear. I felt, I don't know, STRONG for the first time in my life. Not the kind of bullshit strength that comes from ego, something deeper and more resilient. I felt a sense of confidence I'd never felt before and I absolutely loved it.

I drove home, did the little bit of homework I needed to get past, then Cat and I started dinner. Toby showed up as we were working and my father walked in just before 7. Once he got settled, we sat down to eat, all of us in seemingly good spirits.

Toby, for his part, was back to what I could best describe as his new normal or at least the way he'd been acting since the weekend before my birthday. It was a relief and after we cleaned up the kitchen, we went up to my room and talked. I'd been honest with him and now it was his turn to be honest with me.

I closed the door behind us and he sat on the bed near the end. I sat down with my back to my headboard, knowing that we needed to be able to see each other. Henry, never one to be left out, had come up with us and curled up next to me. He kept an eye on Toby, something he never did, which was odd, but I thought probably had less to do with protecting me than not understanding why Toby was in our room. It didn't occur to me that he was picking up on the fact that I was anxious, which I never had been around Toby.

We both ended up starting to talk at the same time, which made us both giggle a bit. Toby got up and paced around some, for maybe a minute. Then he stopped and looked directly at me.

"That night I introduced you to Jack, something happened and I need to tell you about it. It's kind of a microcosm for how I feel and part of what I've been dealing with."

I nodded and he continued, "When I came back from getting us drinks, you guys had been talking about my friendship with Jack and how nothing was going to split us up. Do you remember that?"

"Yeah, but really only vaguely. You had this look on your face that was weird until we told you we were saying nothing would come between you."

"Yeah, and I said it wouldn't. I lied."

"What you do mean you lied?"

He sighed, rolling his head back on traps, "I mean I lied. I knew at that point there WAS something that could come between us. Well, more specifically, someone."

I stared back at him, "Me?"

"Uh huh. I knew it that night and when he told me yesterday about confronting you, it took everything I had not to do worse than I did. I've never been so angry in my life, so filled with rage. The thought of him hurting you lit a fire in me that I couldn't put out."

"Oh, Toby..."

"THAT'S what I couldn't control. That's what I was afraid of inadvertently unleashing on you. And when it happened, it scared me to death. Everything I'd been feeling, the impotence, came out with that punch and when he hit the ground, and I found myself staring down at him, yelling at him, I realized I was completely out of control. I also realized it was completely driven by the idea of anything happening to you. To put it into context, if I was willing to end things with my best friend since childhood, can you imagine what the thought of something happening to you because of a stranger could to do to me?"

He sat back down, looking at his hands for a minute or so, then back over at me.

"I've lost people I've loved, and whether I knew it was coming or not, it still hurt. With you, it's like a whole different level of anxiety."

I laughed at that, "Welcome to my world. It's great, isn't it?"

He shook his head, a faint smile bending his lips, "No, but it does give me a completely different perspective on what you deal with on a daily basis. The worst part," he paused, for second, bringing his hand to his face to cover his eyes as he started to cry, "was seeing you in so much pain last night and realizing it was because of me. What I'd tried to avoid had happened and it killed me."

We sat there in silence for a moment before I finally spoke up.

"Josh told me this was probably what you were dealing with and I understand why. It took this to make me realize that you're my world, in every conceivable way, as much as I am yours. What we feel for each other, and how much we need each other, couldn't be clearer now if it was made out of glass.

I went to see Arya this afternoon and he agreed that it might be a good idea for you to talk to someone. He also thought us being apart was a bad idea, no matter how well intended. You can't protect me from this, we're both in it. We need to be there for one another and you need to trust that I'm not going to run, that I know you and that nothing is going to scare me away.

There's something else I need to tell you, to let you know how I've been feeling. You've been dealing the possibility of me not being around, that something might happen to me and I would be gone. Well, for me, you have been gone and it's hurt badly. It was only a day and just being uncertain has really kept me wound up."

He started to cry, "I was so wrapped up in my head, I didn't even think about what us being apart like this would do to you until I saw you last night. I'm so sorry, babe."

"Toby, it's OK. I didn't tell you that to make you feel bad, I told you because I need you to know how much I love you. I wanted you to understand that I get what you're dealing with because I ended up having to deal with it, too."

He looked over at me with these puppy dog eyes, and slowly made his way to me. Henry, thankfully, didn't make a move and we kissed with him on top of me. I don't know why, but having him on top of me made me feel so good... it wasn't sexual, it was simply reassuring and comfortable.

We ended up talking a bit more, then decided to go downstairs and have some of the cobbler Mrs. Witsun had made. Since it wasn't too late, we decided to watch a movie and were halfway into it when my father wandered in.

"The Terminator?" my father asked, looking at the television.

I told him, "Yeah, Toby's never seen it."

"You're kidding me!" I have to admit, I loved it when my father displayed his incredulity about something like, I don't know, someone not having seen a damn movie.

Toby, spoke up from behind me, "No, sir. Never had a chance but always wanted to."

"Well, y'all mind if I watch it with you?"

"Of course not, Dad." I responded, being honest. It wasn't like I was going to give Toby a blowjob while Linda Hamilton and what's-his-name were running for their lives.

So, my father settled in to watch the tail end of a movie he'd seen, literally, 100 times or more. My father talked throughout it about seeing it when he was a kid (he was in eighth grade when it came out) and how it made him and all of his friends want to work out, because Arnold. Toby for his part feigned interest in what my dad was saying.

After the movie, we took our dishes (and my father's, because he NEVER picked up a damn thing) back into the kitchen, then slowly made our way out to his car. As we walked, we talked a little more about random stuff. By the time we got out to his car, he pulled me in for a hug.

As he held me, he said, "I'm so sorry for putting you through this, and I'm so thankful you didn't run. I love you and I promise this won't happen again."

I laughed, which was muffled by my head in his chest, which caused him to pull back and look at me.

"Babe, it will happen again, it just won't be so bad and you won't feel like you need to protect me. And I'm happy for that. We're together and that's how it has to be."

As we kissed, I was able to once again feel the man I loved there, not a guy who was bound up and emotionally cut off. It meant a lot to me and for the first time since Toby had arrived, Henry left my side to run off into the yard.

After Toby left, I sat on the steps waiting for Henry to come back, which he did after relieving himself. As walked up to me, tail wagging, I realized the feeling I'd had from earlier in the day was still there.

The next day was a pretty big change from the day before. I walked into school still with the feeling I'd had the day before and found all the football guys in much better spirits. Seth, awkwardly, told me he was glad we'd worked 'whatever' out since Toby could really hurt people.

I looked at him blankly and asked, "What are you talking about?"

He immediately looked flustered, "Toby was really tough on everyone Monday and we all just assumed he was upset because of something, you know, personal."

I smiled and slapped his shoulder, "No, man. I told him to go hurt some people as a joke. I didn't realize he'd actually do it!"

The look on his face was priceless... like the realization that with a word, I could have Toby inflict on him unbelievable pain and suffering. He started to stutter something out and I leaned in.

"Seth, I'm fucking with you. Yeah, we had an issue but it's resolved. If he hasn't apologized yet, he will."

There was a weird look of relief, then a smile when he realized how easily he'd been had. Seth was a smart guy, but a little too gullible.

I ended up talking to Ethan and Ileana until I saw Jack come in, catch my eye, then turn around. I excused myself, then walked out to find him sitting on a bench right outside the door staring down at his phone.

I kicked his foot to get his attention, "What gives? You come in, then walk back out?"

He mumbled out, without raising his face, "Just needed to check something on my phone."

"Bullshit, Jack... what's the problem, man?"

Then he looked up at me. The shiner Toby had given him was still there, as were tears.

"Jack, what's wrong? Did something happen to your mom?" I asked.

He wiped at his eyes, "No, I'm feeling a little down."

I sat down next to him, "Do you want to talk about it?"

He glanced over at me with this unreadable expression, "With you? I already feel bad enough."

"I don't know what that means..."

He leaned back and sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "It means that I still feel like crap about what happened Monday and I feel even worse about my best friend." He paused, trying to compose himself. "I'm pretty sure I fucked up so badly that we're done."

I jumped in, "That's bullshit. I know it's bullshit. There's no way."

He turned to me, slightly, looking me in the eyes and I could finally see the pain in them, "After my father died, Toby and Mark were the people who pulled me through. Mark's my closest friend, but Toby's like a brother. Losing him... just sucks."

"You just made a mistake, he knows that."

"No, I came between him and the man he loves, not even knowing what was going on. Shit..."

"What?" I asked.

He continued in a low voice, almost a growl, "I could have ENDED you and he knows that. He knows me and how I feel about him and he knows what I could have done."

"But you didn't."

"Yeah, but that was only because there were people around. I like you, but the thought of you fucking him over sent me over the edge."

I smiled at him, "Remember that conversation we had when we first met, about what you'd do to me if I hurt him?"

"Yeah?"

"You weren't concerned about other people when you made that threat. 'I'll break as many bones as I can before they pull me off'. If you were going to do something to me, you'd have done it. Right there, right then. You didn't throw me against the truck, which you could have easily done. You just put me up against it. NOTHING you did hurt me, it just scared me."

"Gee, thanks, that makes me feel so much better..."

"It should. Look, I realized something from that and I need to apologize to you. I've been entirely to cavalier with our relationship and it's disrespectful as hell. Somewhere along the line, it never occurred to me that I need to earn your friendship, not just depend on it because I'm with Toby. I'm hoping I have, at least a little, because of the fact that you didn't take me apart Monday afternoon."

And that, finally, made him blink.

I continued, "All this time you've thought of what you can do as a blessing, you've never seen it as a curse. What you don't realize is it's kept you FROM people. You've used it to keep people away when you should have been welcoming them in. Even Toby. You have to know he's not going to let you go, but you can't see it."

"We haven't talked since Monday night. After we left your place, when he dropped me back at my truck, he told me I should be glad I hadn't done worse than I did because he'd have killed me."

"Give him some time. He's still the same guy who cried with me about what you were doing with the cage fighting. He may be irritated with you, but he still loves you."

"He's not irritated, he's apoplectic..."

"About what might have been. I've thrown a lot at him over the last few days and it's taken him time to get past it. He'll get past this. Keep reaching out for him, he needs it to realize how much you mean to him."

We sat there in silence until the bell rang, then I said, "Come on, let's go to English."

He smiled, finally, "Thanks for talking to me. I know I don't deserve it."

I stopped him and grabbed his head to focus him on me, "YES, you do. Something stopped you from doing what you could have done. It came from inside you, no matter what excuse you want to make. I still trust you."

He seemed to get a little better throughout the day and when I talked to Toby at lunch I told him about Seth and mentioned that he should apologize, then I turned to Jack.

"Babe, I need to warn you away from that topic right now. I don't want to discuss it," was the response. Clear, concise, and unequivocal.

"Toby, he's hurting badly. You're like a brother to him and whatever you think happened on Monday, it wasn't that bad..."

"It was what he could have done..."

"But didn't. And you know him, nothing extraneous would have stopped him. He stopped himself. I'm not saying it's all better, kiss and make up, I'm just saying that he's your best friend and you can't throw that away. Talk to him, one on one."

"I'll think about it."

"OK, if that's all you'll give me, I'll take it." I said with a weak laugh.

"God, I love you so much!" He replied.

"I love you, too," I said, with a smile on my face I was sure would be obvious to him over the phone.

"Come to practice this afternoon, please. Then we can go get something to eat."

"I'll be there. See you then."

I went in to eat with the guys and, for the most part, it was pretty normal. Something about lunch with these people calmed me down. Even Chuck, who was normally pretty clueless, was getting better.

The rest of the day I kind of floated. At first I didn't think it was anything more than Toby and I being relieved of the bullshit that had been swirling around us. Oh, I knew the night before wouldn't be the end of it. One thing this experience had made me certain of was how intertwined we really were. Our lives, we could separate since we went to different schools and had different activities, but there was so much more to what we were becoming. I knew, at that point, I wanted to be with him, not because of how he made me feel but because I never wanted to miss a smile, or a laugh, or that curious look he got on his face when he tilted his head just slightly because something struck him as off, or the way he cried when something got to him. And the way his eye twitched slightly when he was trying to hide something from me. It was everything about him, his smell, how he tasted, how he felt.

My good mood got a little better when I got to History where Adam, who'd been taking my advice with Susie, had finally gotten her to agree to a date.

"It's just dinner, but man... I'm fucking pumped!" he said.

I smiled at him, "Good, now take some more advice?"

"Sure, anything!"

"When something bad happens, and it will, laugh it off. She knows you're already keyed up and she knows how much you like her. Don't be a walking dick and balls, keep being yourself and be ready to laugh at yourself."

All I got in return was a nod, but I thought that was pretty decent progress. Slowly, I'd helped him strip off the bullshit 'I'm a badass basketball stud' veneer he'd applied to himself and now a real person was actually showing up. And he, as it turned out, was a pretty decent guy.

PE was weight lifting which I loved. The teacher had paired us up with someone to lift with after assessing our general strength level. I got paired with Greg McDade who was about 50 pounds overweight and the very definition of a high school nerd, down to the bad haircut and out of control acne.

We'd talked a lot, he'd been curious about the gay thing and I'd had to explain some stuff to him, like that I wasn't an out of control sex maniac and that my relationship with Toby was based on a hell of lot more than mutual attraction. He'd been suspicious of me the first week until he made a comment about losing weight and I told him what I'd done. He couldn't believe I'd ever been fat and, to be truthful, I wasn't fat like him, more babyfat chubby. Still, it broke some ice with him to have someone who understood how he felt and could give him advice. In the month since school had started, he'd dropped about 10 pounds and was looking better all around. And yes, that was also my doing... well, the haircut and the stuff he was doing to his face to clean up his complexion. I'd work on the awkwardness and social insecurity as he got a little more confident about his appearance.

I wasn't doing it out of some need to make someone over. It was, genuinely, that he was a nice guy and smart. He was being raised by his father who was, well, raising him as a mini-me because that was all he knew. The guy was some sort of telecom engineer and had apparently decided Greg would be him, made over. Greg had other ideas and I was only too happy to help him come out of his shell because, again, he was someone I really liked. I don't know, I could just see with some people they were worth helping and he fell into that group. It didn't hurt that he was also a scifi geek and got a lot of my jokes.

I'd slowly been working him into my circle and previous week had asked him to sit with us at lunch, which he'd declined because he had his own friends that he liked a lot. I didn't push it hard, thankfully, because I'd assumed he was by himself at lunch. If I'd known he had friends, I wouldn't have bothered... sure, socially, hanging at my table would have been an upgrade using Chuck's reasoning which made sense in high school. But, to someone like Greg, it would have been an insult because no matter what changes he might want to make for himself, he really liked his friends and viewed them as every bit as good as I viewed Julian, David, Carter, or Ethan.

One thing that was clear by that fourth week of school was that while we may have been matched up well in terms of strength initially, he definitely had better genetics. While I'd made some progress, gaining 10 pounds on my bench press that first month for instance, he'd gone up 30 and showed no signs of stopping. It wasn't yet a problem having to switch the weights, but I knew it would be in another month. It was time for him to get a new lifting partner.

I mentioned it to him that afternoon and his response was an emphatic and surprising no.

"But dude, you're obviously better than I think the coaches realized. That 10 pounds you lost was probably closer to 15 when you consider you've added muscle. I'm just going to hold you back." I said.

He looked at me strangely, "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

I recoiled, "No! Why the hell would you even think that?"

"Suddenly, out of the blue, you want to switch lifting partners? I mean, the difference is 20 pounds on the bench and it's not like it's a ton of trouble switching out a dime on either side. What's the real reason?" He was clearly upset as he finished, almost angry. It hadn't occurred to me that THIS was what we had... we didn't have any classes in common and our social circles didn't overlap. I'd never considered he might like me as a close friend, that the help and advice I'd given him had cemented me as someone he could trust, someone who was genuine, and that he might think of this as my way to discard him.

I knew I needed to remain calm, "Why are you so upset with me about this?" I asked, needing to confirm what I thought. "I'm only talking about switching lifting partners to someone who can keep up with you better. What happens when you're lifting 100 pounds more than me?"

"You'll be up, too, and we'll deal with it." He rubbed his head, then looked at me directly, "Part of the reason I'm making progress is because you're pushing me. I've never had someone who cared enough about what I wanted to push me to do things to hit that goal. It's meant a lot more to me than you know, and now it feels like you're just trying to wash your hands of me."

I smiled at him, "Not at all. And, honestly, if I'd known all this I wouldn't have even said anything. Man, if you're good with me lagging behind, then I'll drop it."

The look of relief on his face was pretty obvious. He smiled at me, held out his fist and we got back to work.

Later that afternoon, I went to watch Toby practice, dragging my sister with me whom I'd had to pick up because Mrs. Witsun had a personal issue. I'd prepped her for what to expect, but I needn't have bothered. Cat wasn't like me, she was comfortable wherever she was and made friends with girls older than her with an ease that was really impressive.

Toby came over after practice ended and I went down to talk to him.

"How are you feeling," I asked, as I got close to him.

"Good, and I thought about what you said and I'm going to deal with it tonight."

I smiled at him, "Thank you. You both mean a lot to one another and you need to work this out."

He took off his helmet and rubbed out his hair, "I know, but we also need some boundaries. He needs to know there are limits because things have changed."

"I think you'll be surprised how aware of that he is."

"Where do you want to go eat?" he asked, rather abruptly changing the subject.

"Mesomaya," I replied, causing him give me a look that indicated he wasn't totally comfortable with it. Mesomaya wasn't Mexican food for white people, it was actually pretty good. But, for a boy who thought of a pickled jalapeno as really, really spicy, it could be a bit much for him.

"OK, you want to leave your car here and ride with me?"

"No, I have to run Cat home, why don't you pick me up there and we can go?"

"I'll be right behind you," he said, leaning in to kiss me. I gave him a bit of a surprise since on the stands I was taller than him, by grabbing his head and pulling him to me. It honestly felt good to be in control for a bit, especially of someone like Toby.

We broke off to the sound of Cat and Jill giggling. I looked over to see them standing there and both Toby and I broke into smiles.

"God y'all, can't you give us some privacy?" he asked, clearly amused.

Cat piped up, "No. You can suck face later with my brother AFTER he takes me home. I'm hungry."

I laughed, looked over at Toby, and said, "I'll see you at the house."

Jill walked out with us since she was parked close. She also decided to give me shit on the way.

"So, what happened to you? I mean, Cat is really cool and you're just... just..."

Cat laughed, "Well, one of us had to be a badass and since HE was doing such a lousy job of it, I decided to step up."

I grabbed Cat into a hug from behind, "If you're done beating me up, I really need to get my sister home."

Jill smiled and leaned in to give Cat a hug, "It was a wonderful meeting you!"

Cat responded, genuinely, "You too!"

After we got in the car, Cat said she really liked all the girls and was impressed so many of them seemed to like me.

"Eh, they like me but it's part of being friends with Toby. They kind of have to."

She laughed, "No, they really like you. Honestly, you adapted to the move a lot better than I thought you would."

"Therapy. In a word, that's what has saved my ass. It certainly hasn't hurt that a lot of these people are really nice."

"Well, I'm really pleased. It's nice to know my brother is beloved," she finished, which made us both laugh.

We got home and I ran up to my room to drop my stuff. By the time I got back down, Toby was in the entry talking to my father, telling him we were going to dinner.

I breezed past with a 'Love you, see you later' and pulled Toby out the door. I needed the time with him, not to sit there talking with my father and football bullshit for 20 minutes. Plus, I was hungry. I may not be as bad as Cat, but I do get bitchy when I haven't been fed.

I'd already decided to leave the subject of Jack alone while we were together. We talked about how things had gone throughout the day and he'd had to make some awkward apologies, including to Seth. He told me he'd reacted oddly, like he was scared of the apology. So, I told him about my prank earlier in the day which caused him to cough on the water he was drinking.

"Why on earth would you tell him that," he asked.

I shrugged, "I don't know. I was feeling so much better and it seemed funny. The look on his face absolutely priceless."

"Babe, you can't do that to someone like Seth. I mean, he's not a dumbass, but he's trusting and he believes you when you tell him something."

I sighed, "Yeah, I know. I'll apologize to him in the morning. Oh, I need to tell you what happened with Greg."

"What did you to do him?" he asked with a smirk.

"Nothing! I'm not all the time playing little pranks! He's been making really good progress so I offered to let the teacher switch up the partners so he could have someone else that was closer to where he was."

"How'd he take it?"

"Not well..."

He laughed, "I'm not surprised. Did he think you were trying to get rid of him?"

"How the hell could you have possibly figured that out?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes, "I've seen the way he is around you. I think he has a crush on you."

"Oh, stop. He's straight."

He shook his head, "I don't think so. He may not be ready to come out, hell he may just be bi, but he definitely has a thing for you. Remember when you told me how much Josh helped you when you were in seventh grade?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I thought initially it was like that, but I'm pretty sure he likes you. I don't even think it's something he's totally conscious of, but I really do believe he has a thing for you."

"Well, then he's in for a pretty big disappointment. He even made a comment last week about how we were together."

"Really? What did he say?" Toby asked.

"He told me... Oh, my God, I just realized you may be right..."

"Rob, what did he say?"

"Well, last Saturday when he was over, you called so we could make plans for that night. After we got off the phone he told me he wished he could find someone who cared as much for him as I cared about you."

"He didn't specify gender?"

I quickly reviewed what I remembered of the conversation and replied, "Nope."

He shook his head, smiling, "Be careful with him. I don't think he'll try anything because he's still pretty unsure of himself, but if he does you have to handle it really sweatly."

I sighed... that wasn't something I wanted to deal with. To be honest, I thought Toby might be right about him being gay, but wrong about having a thing for me. That one, to me at least, was a possibility only.

"Maybe he has a thing for you?" I suggested.

"Nah, I think you're more his type."

"Well, at any rate, we're going to stick as partners so I have to figure out a way to at least kind of keep up with him."

"Oh, that's easy. You need to eat."

"What do you mean?"

He leaned back in his chair, "You worked out last period. Tell me what you had to eat after."

"This. Dinner."

"OK, so it's been more than three hours since you lifted and all you've had to eat was half a steak?"

"Well, yeah..."

"You aren't eating enough to gain. It's really that simple."

He started to ask me what I ate in a day and began writing it out on a napkin. It didn't take long to realize he was right.

"Look, you have a beautiful body and you've got the genetics to get bigger whether you believe it or not. But you don't eat enough. Tomorrow after you're done with therapy, I want you to run to GNC on your way to meet me. Pick up some weight gainer and start with a half serving in the morning, a half before you lift and a full one after. Get two shaker bottles so you're not having to measure shit out at school. Let that go for a bit and see how it works. Then you can increase as needed. You just have to drink a ton of water, but I think you'll see some results pretty quickly."

"And you think that'll be enough?"

"Yeah. How do you think I got this big?"

"You eat like a horse?"

He laughed, "Exactly. Our bodies are producing a ton of testosterone, and you're lifting and getting plenty of rest. All that's left is fuel. You need to put more in."

"OK, so GNC tomorrow... anything else?"

He smiled, "Nope, that should be enough. Maybe in a year some creatine or something, but for now let's see how you do with increasing your calories. Why don't you start by finishing that steak?"

I looked down at the plate, then back up at him, "But I'm full!"

"You may as well start now."

After dinner, he brought me home and dropped me off so he could meet Jack. I got on the phone with Willy. We'd been talking, mostly about bullshit, for about 20 minutes before Josh called me. I let Willy go and filled Josh in what had been going on. Josh, as obnoxious as he could occasionally be especially in situations where he was right about something I had doubted, was thoughtful and really solid during the conversation. It helped to get it out and explain to him what I'd realized. It also left me a little sad when we got off the phone because, once again, I really missed having him down the hall from me.

The next day was pretty uneventful. Dr. Arya's office called and had to cancel my appointment which I was fine with since I'd been in Tuesday and was feeling really good. I could almost hear the smile on his Admin's face when I told her I didn't need to reschedule and that I'd see him next Thursday.

I went ahead to GNC and that was a real treat. I bugged the shit out of the salesman who helped me finally decide on a weight gainer. I bought two big bottles of it, a bottle of water and some shaker bottles, then proceeded to open one up and mix up a shake right there in the store. The guy got a kick out of it and, as I drank it, asked me how it was. To tell you the truth, it was pretty damn good.

I left the store and decided to go catch the tail end of Toby's practice. He was pretty surprised to see me and I filled him in on Arya needing to cancel. We took my car back to the house and I showed him the stuff I'd bought and he noticed the already used shaker bottle.

"How much did you drink?" He asked.

"One serving, it was really good."

He laughed, "Glad you liked it. Are you even hungry right now?"

I thought for a second, "Yeah, actually. Let's go!"

"Wait a second," he said grabbing me as I took off for the door. "Shouldn't we decided where first?"

Now, this wasn't like me. I didn't realize it at the time, which was dumb as hell since I didn't look at the label for anything other than the protein fraction, but that supplement was LOADED with carbs. I was, functionally, in the middle of a full scale sugar rush. Which was clearly funny as hell to Toby.

"Yeah, on the way! I've got a ton of energy and we'll deal with it in the car," I said, walking to the door with Toby right behind me.

We ended up going to a burger place we both liked and I started to even out by the time we got there.

"Toby, I don't know what the hell was wrong with me. I feel like I ate a ton of sugar, but all I had was that protein powder."

Toby sat back and smiled, "Weight gainer powders are loaded with carbs. You had a little sugar shock. I'm just glad you're still hungry. It's a good sign you'll make some progress with this."

We finished up and went to the freshman and JV games. It was pretty uneventful, except for Sebastian Moore who was snapping pictures. I knew him from Speech and he was a pretty cool guy, one of the few gay guys at school who was out like me. Well, I shouldn't say one of the few, neither of us really knew how many there were and we both admitted our gaydar was anything but good. The previous year, he'd picked up on something with Carter and, luckily, Carter hadn't freaked out when Sebastian offered to give him a blowjob.

And yes, I had ribbed the hell out of Carter about it. Mostly, for not accepting the BJ. Sebastian would have done it even knowing Carter was straight. I reminded him that people who don't take advantage of opportunity usually miss out on all the good stuff.

I was trying to get his attention for about 15 minutes before he finally noticed me and came over to say hi. He sat down with us for a bit and explained he was there to shoot pictures for yearbook.

"You're only now shooting some pictures of the games for yearbook?" I asked, teasing him a little.

He laughed, "Well, to be honest, Mr. Honner forgot to assign it out. So, earlier this week he asked who wanted it and I didn't have anything going on Thursdays so I took it on."

Toby grinned at him, "Not a big football fan, I take it?"

Sebastian told him the truth, "Not really. It's nothing against the game, I just never got into it. I am a big fan of the guys who play, however, though few seem to play on my team."

Friday and the weekend passed pretty uneventfully. In fact the next two weeks heading into the end of the first grading period was pretty, well, routine. Some might say boring, but to me it was really nice. Toby and Jack mended their relationship, though it wasn't quite the same. To be honest, I think it was healthier. They had needed some boundaries for a while and this gave them an opportunity to be honest with one another. One thing Jack had been on point about was making sure Toby knew IF something happened, there would be hell to pay. On that, he wasn't going to bend and Toby finally let it go.

It was funny because I caught it from both ends, Jack usually before or immediately after school and from Toby the rest of the time. It wasn't like I spent two weeks being inundated by the he said/he said of them feeling their way through a new period in their friendship, but there were times when I finally broke down and explained something to one or the other that they'd misinterpreted. I felt, well, a little like a midwife. Jack and I, during our conferences, had worked on our own friendship which this little incident made clear really was non-existent. I got kind of emo on him at one point, explaining that I was fine if we were only friends because of Toby, but that I really hoped he saw me as someone he could trust.

By the end of the last week in September everyone was pretty well burned out from tests. In PE that Friday, the teacher handed out awards for those who'd done well in class. Most improved went to Greg. He'd lost 15 pounds total and seriously increased all his lifts, including increasing his bench by 50 pounds. For me, the weight gainer had been a miracle. I didn't get fat, but during the two weeks since I'd bought it, I'd put on five pounds of solid mass and increased my bench by 25. I was standing 5'9" and weighed in at a pretty decent 164. I knew if I worked hard and kept bumping up my calories, there was a good chance I could get to 180 by the time baseball started and really put some strength behind the bat.

We'd had a mostly free period that day, but some of the guys decided to lift and Greg was one of them. Earlier in the day, Sebastian had told me to stop by the yearbook room after last period because he had something for me. About five minutes before the bell I went into the weight room to tell Greg bye and have a good weekend.

"Hey, can you give me a ride today?" he asked.

"Sure thing. Why don't you get cleaned up and meet me in the yearbook room. I have to pick something up."

"Cool," was his reply as he shuffled off toward the locker room. It had gotten to the point where he no longer looked fat, he looked beefy and Seth was talking to him about maybe playing football next year, which even Carter thought was a good idea.

I waited for the bell and then walked down to the yearbook room, making small talk as I went with people I'd run into, including Seth who'd decided to have a party Saturday night and who demanded, yet again, that I come.

"Dude, I already told you I'm going to be there. I'm bringing Toby, too."

He smiled, "Well, I wanted to make sure..."

"You already have," I said, laughing. "Just today it was twice this morning, and again after lunch."

I didn't know what had him so insecure about things, but I decided not to press it. We bumped and I continued to make my way down to my destination.

Inside, I found Sebastian looking at some pictures on a large screen, I guessed editing them.

"Hey Sebastian, I'm here. What's the big surprise?"

He looked back, glasses which he rarely wore perched on his nose, and smiled at me. He really did look cute as hell. He was about an inch shorter than me and at that point at least 20 pounds lighter, dark brown hair in a perpetual mess that I guessed was less intentional than the result of him continuously playing with it during the day. He may not have been my type, but I had to admit he was really attractive.

"Oh, crap. I didn't even realize the bell had gone off." He stood and stretched, yawning, and with his hair in disarray, seriously could not have looked more adorable. He reached over to a tall table and grabbed a manila envelope from it, then walked over to me.

"I thought you might like these..."

I opened the envelope and found inside pictures, taken over the last couple of weeks, of Toby and I at the games.

"When did you take these?"

"Thursday nights since we ran into one another..." he answered.

"No, I mean I didn't even notice you taking them. When?"

He laughed, "I was taking a bunch of pictures of the stands, trying to get some shots of people laughing, looking nervous, that kind of thing. You and Toby kept catching my eye because you were so hot together. I know you probably get that all the time, but the two of you just look right and so I printed out some of the shots I took to give you."

I looked up at him and knew I was crying. Some of the ones I'd seen were really good and they captured us perfectly. There was one of me clearly telling Toby a story while he sat back with that killer smile on his face, listening. The one that really got me though was from the previous night. Toby was sitting back and I was resting against him, using his letter jacket as a blanket because I was cold.

"Sebastian, these are really amazing and I can't thank you enough!" I said, putting them on a nearby table so I could give him a hug.

When we broke, I picked up the pictures again and started looking through them. I was so into it, I didn't even see Greg come in. But Sebastian did.

"Greg! Hey!" Sebastian excitedly blurted out.

I glanced over at Greg to see him grinning widely, focused clearly on Sebastian.

"Hey Sebastian. Rob's my ride and he asked him to meet him here." THAT was interesting... Greg had never been one to overshare. Except when he's nervous, I thought to myself.

"Well, it's good to see you again, even if it was just a few hours ago," Sebastian said, and they shared a kind of nervous and awkward laugh. I was still looking at the pictures, but a smile was spreading across my face. I knew later that night I was going to tell Toby that he was right, yet again.

"Greg, you have to see the pictures Sebastian took of Toby and me," He walked over and I handed them to him.

"Damn, Sebastian, these are really good!" he exclaimed.

Sebastian blushed, "Thanks. It's pretty easy when you have good subjects."

"No, man, these are really, really good," Greg told him, "I think you could even make me look good!"

"I'd be happy to take some pictures of you..."

And with that, I cleared my throat. I couldn't let this drag on any longer as it was legitimately starting to make me feel anxious. At least now I knew what I had to do.

"Sebastian, thanks again for these. I know Toby is going to love them."

We hugged again, then he and Greg hugged, but it lingered a little longer than might be considered normal. It looked for all the world like Sebastian was really enjoying it and didn't want to let go.

Greg and I made our way down the hall toward my locker and ran smack into Richard Dornier coming out of a bathroom. His name was actually spelled DORNIER but he pronounced it DORNER because his family 'weren't a bunch of gutless, sissy, frogs'. Yeah, Richard was country as hell and a real dick, which was the diminutive for Richard I used though he preferred Rick.

Today, he decided to have a little fun with us.

"Well, if it isn't Fatty McFatterson and his little homo buddy," he said with a sneer.

I was messing with my backpack, which was in my hands, and didn't even bother to look up at him. Instead, I just replied, "Fuck off, Dick."

And before I really knew what was happening, he had my shirt balled up in his fist and had shoved me against a locker, which knocked the breath out of me. Richard was a big guy, probably about 6' 1" and pretty solid. Moving my narrow ass around was easy for him.

"Motherfucking faggot, let's see you say something else? Huh? Not so mouthy without your friends to back you up, are you?"

Greg, standing behind Richard forgotten, growled at him, "Let him go, Richard!" I couldn't see Greg's eyes, but I knew that voice. There wasn't anger in it, there was rage.

Richard barely turned his head to respond, "What if I don't? What are you going to do about it, fatass?"

And right then, Greg pulled his fist back and then slammed it into Richard's lower back, right into his kidney. Richard dropped like his legs had stopped working and released me, so I kicked away as fast as I could, thinking he might recover.

Greg didn't even glance at me. He was standing over Richard, breathing hard and the next thing I knew, he kicked him in the gut, hard, causing Richard to scream out. The scary thing was, despite the rage he was feeling, he wasn't wildly beating on Richard, it was completely controlled. For all the world, in that moment, it reminded me of Jack.

Through gritted teeth, Greg hissed out, "Don't you ever fuck with me or my friends again or this will feel like one of the best days of your life."

Only then did he look over at me, asking if I was alright. I nodded my head and he walked over, extending a hand to help me up.

We walked away from Richard at a fairly brisk pace, not wanting to have to answer questions about what had happened. When we got to my locker, my hands were still shaking as I fumbled with the lock. My stomach was churning and though I hadn't been the one in the fight, at least not really, it got to me. Greg finally put a hand over mine to steady me.

"It's OK, man."

I looked over at him, his face completely back to the normal guy I'd been lifting with.

"Greg, it's not that. I have an anxiety thing and stuff like this throws me off my game. It's how I'm wired up."

"You're not scared of me, are you?"

"No, but being thrown around makes me a little weird," I told him with a 'Duh' look on my face. "The adrenaline doesn't work all that well with my brain."

I finally got my locker open, grabbed what I needed and we walked out of the school. We ran into a few people, including Julian, who knew something was off and asked what happened. I shrugged and told him I'd tell him later but that it wasn't a big deal.

We walked out to my truck and got in. I started it up and then just sat there. Finally, Greg asked if I was ok, genuine concern audible in his voice.

"Dude, I'm still a bit shook up, I'll be fine I promise," I sat for a second, then remembered the yearbook room. And Sebastian. "Fuck..."

"What?"

"Well, fucking Richard made me forget something I need to talk to you about and I just realized it."

"Well, tell me now..."

"I'm not sure this is the best time, you know? I sort of wanted it to be different."

That really got a laugh out of him, "I don't know about how you're feeling, but I'm happy as hell. I just beat down a guy who has been bullying me since 6th grade and stopped him from hurting my friend."

I looked over at him, saw the smile on his face and realized he was right. Moreover, what I wanted to talk to him about wasn't even about me, it was about him and he was in damn good spirits.

"Well, it's kind of delicate and I don't want you to take it the wrong way. You know I'm a friend, right? That you can trust me?"

He took a deep breath, "You're going to ask me if I'm gay, aren't you?"

"Yeah, and there's a reason..."

"Before today, if you'd asked I'd have denied it. But, yeah, I am." He wasn't nervous at all. He had the same smile on his face he'd had from earlier.

"OK, thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. Now, I think you should ask out Sebastian."

And his eyes went wide, "How the hell did you know?"

I laughed, still a little nervously, "The way you were in the yearbook room made it pretty clear."

"Shit," he said, as he slumped down in his seat. "I was afraid I might be too obvious."

"I don't think you need to be afraid. I'm pretty sure he likes you..."

Exasperated, he continued, "But I'm scared as hell, man. I don't even know if I'm ready to come out." Then, "You really think Sebastian would say yes if I asked him out?"

"Dude, more sympathetic I could not be. But you're still the guy who just made sure Richard Dornier will be pissing blood for the next few days. And yes, I think Sebastian would be thrilled to go out with you."

"OK." Then a pause. "Yeah." Then another pause as the smile started to return. "You're right."

I started to drive over to his house and I told him I thought the best way to come out was, well, to just come out. I told him about my experience and how much it had hurt some of the people I most cared about that I hadn't trusted them sooner.

By the time we pulled up, he was pretty animated. He told me he'd text me later.

Before he got out, I grabbed his shoulder and he turned to look at me. "Make sure you ask him out to Seth's party tomorrow night."

He nodded, then got out and closed the door. I started to pull out, but saw him waving me down.

I rolled down the window as he walked up, "One problem, I wasn't invited to Seth's party."

I smiled, "Yes, you are. I'll text you the details."

I went home to a house with no one in it. I was still a little shaky, but not too bad. I decided to lay down for a bit before Jill and the girls picked me up for the game. I took a snapshot of the picture Sebastian had made of Toby and I the night before and texted it to Toby with a simple message, love you... kick ass tonight!

I also texted Seth that I was inviting Greg and Sebastian to which he replied, OK. I probably should have given him a choice, but at that point I'd already committed myself and I wasn't going let him stand in the way of following through. To say it was important to me would have been pretty accurate. It wasn't just my word, which I'd given to Greg, it was that I liked him and felt like he needed to come out of his shell a little more.

I texted Greg the address and he responded thanks and told me he'd already called Sebastian who had 'accepted the invitation' which made me laugh just a bit. I told him I'd play it cool if they didn't want to be 'out'. He responded, 'I didn't ask him out to pretend we aren't on a date,' to which I responded, 'Fair enough'. I may have sucked in the past at boyfriends, but I am definitely a badass at picking friends.

I ended up sleeping for about an hour, then got ready and went downstairs. My father had a date and was in a rush so we didn't talk much, he just told me to have a good time. I grabbed something to eat and had just finished up when Jill called from the gate.

The game was pretty uneventful, an easy win for us. The lack of excitement on the field meant that people had to find it elsewhere and Julian came over to sit with Jill, Molly, and me at one point. He asked me what had happened with me and Greg and so I told him the story. He was about as shocked as I'm sure Richard Dornier was. I told him to do me a favor and spread it around a bit since I thought it would give Greg a good boost. While I knew it would probably prompt some kind of payback talk from Richard, it was pretty clear Greg could handle it.

I also told Toby about it on our way to eat after the game. His response was about what you'd expect.

"I'm going to beat his ass," he said through clenched teeth.

I laughed, "Well, Greg kind of beat you to the punch there, no pun intended. Hell, if he hadn't done what he did, I would have gotten myself together and I would have fucked him up. Richard is a bully and a dumbass, he may be bigger than me, but I still could have hurt him."

"People should know better! WE'RE together, it's not just you. And I need to make it crystal fucking clear that messing with you has repercussions."

I looked at my hands."Uh huh... Because a dumbass like Richard is totally going to be deterred by that in the heat of the moment? Not to mention that I don't have a scratch on me, while he's going to have issues peeing for a while."

That stopped him cold and I loved it. Toby was smarter than me and I knew it (I really loved it). Getting him to a point of silence with a good argument was a huge win for me. I liked the few times I was able to help him see that he was being silly. It actually wasn't the win so much as the feeling that we were truly partners and that we helped each other see things clearly.

As for hurting Richard, there wasn't just the inability to really deter the stupid people out there, there was the fact that I didn't have to throw a punch. I wasn't hurt, Richard was. Greg had already jacked him pretty badly (moral of the story here, don't fuck with nerds... they usually know where to hit to cause a lot of pain). If it had just been me and we'd gone at it, then yeah, he'd be justified. But since that wasn't the case...

As we pulled into the restaurant, I told him, "I'm not going to stop you. I love you and if you feel the need to fuck up Richard Dornier, go do it. Just be clear, you'll only be doing it because you want to, not because it'll help me out or make up for something. I don't think it'll make you feel better, but I'm not going to stand in your way and it's not going to change how I feel about you," I finished, gripping his hand tightly.

I looked over at me, "You know what I'm thinking, don't you?"

I sat for a second, considering what I was going to say. "I think so... this isn't something you want to do so much as think you have to do. You're fucking relieved that I have yet another friend who was willing to throw a punch to get me out of a jam, but that relief is only about me being safe. You still think you need to stand up and right the wrong. Close?"

He nodded his head, "Very."

"OK, here's the thing. Like I said, I'm fine. Richard's gotta be hurting bad. If he'd done something TO me, then you'd beat his ass but Greg kept that from happening so there's really nothing for you to do."

He nodded, "You're right," and he leaned over to kiss me, "And I love you, too."

Usually, going to the post game dinner with everyone was pretty meh for me, but that night it was a lot more fun since Ethan had been moved to varsity earlier in the week which meant Ileana was there with him. Having people I really knew made things a lot more fun. Afterward, we went over to Mark and Molly's house to hang out which, as you can imagine, wasn't nearly as much fun as it had been when their parents were out of town. Still, it was a good night and word was quickly spreading about what had happened with Richard earlier in the day. Ethan and Ileana were dying to hear the story, so I told them about it with Toby sitting there, calmly taking it in.

Of course, Reggie had to ask what Toby was going to do and he just shrugged his shoulders.

"Not much I can do that hasn't already been done. Rob didn't even get to throw a punch and it sounds like Greg made pretty damn sure ole Richard won't be fucking with either of them again, ever."

Reggie wasn't having it, "Come on, it's your boy. You can't just let him get away with laying hands on your man!"

Toby didn't take the bait, "And do what to him, Reg? Put him in a coma? All he did was grab Rob and he got fucking trashed for just doing that. To me, it's the same thing as if Jack had been there... he'd have fucked him worse, but what Greg did was enough. Following it up by annihilating him just seems like overkill."

FINALLY, Reggie relented, saying he guessed he was right. And, by the time he got me back to the car, I couldn't keep myself from basically molesting him.

"What is up with you tonight," he asked, smiling.

"I loved how you handled Reggie and it just made me horny as hell."

He laughed, "Having your boyfriend unwilling to defend your honor made you horny?"

"You don't get it, but that's exactly what you did back there. You let him know we're strong enough, together, not for you to do what everyone expected."

He hugged me, "I really am glad Greg was there... if Richard had so much as given you a black eye..."

I kissed him, on the neck, making him moan, then whispered in his ear as I stood on my toes, "Then you'd already have some pretty fucked up knuckles." I pulled back, to look in his eyes, "I knew from the first night we were together that you were going to be a little overprotective, and I'm honestly fine with that. I think you worry too much about my ability to defend myself, something you might want to ask Josh about on Sunday, but I love you for it. I also love you for knowing when too much is ..."

"Enough?"

"Yeah."

By the time I got in bed that night, I couldn't have been happier. I had an amazing boyfriend and a bunch of friends who really cared about me. I thanked God for blessing me with them and fell into a deep sleep. Well, it was deep until about 6 that morning.

My father stormed into my room and shook me awake.

"What's up, dad?"I asked, groggy as hell.

"Come downstairs, I need to talk to you," and he walked out of my room.

To say I was nervous would be an understatement. I wasn't afraid he'd found out about something I'd done, I was worried that something had happened to MoMo. THAT I was absolutely not prepared for. I also very briefly thought it might be about Neil or my mother, but forced that out of my head as quickly as I thought it. That would send me completely over the edge.

I got down and heard him in the kitchen. I walked in nervously, not knowing what to expect. He was at the bar with some papers in front of him.

"Dad, what's wrong,"I asked, clearly frightened.

He looked back at me with a hard stare, then realized what the look on my face meant and softened up a bit.

"It's not what you think. Sit down at the table."

I took a seat and he told me some deal was having a problem and he needed to fly to China. He'd be gone at least next week, possibly longer, and wanted to know if I could handle things at night or if Mrs. Witsun needed to stay over.

"I can handle things, I promise. Cat and I will be fine."

He walked over to me, "Are you sure? It's a lot of pressure."

"Yes sir, we'll be OK. You deal with what you need to deal with, we'll be good. There is something I need to ask you..."

"What?"

"Toby is going with us on Sunday, would you mind if he slept over tonight?"

He smiled, "You know, you could have just..."

"Yeah, I know, but this was something I was going to ask you at breakfast anyway."

"And if I say no?"

"Then it's no. I'm not going to take advantage of you having to leave town. I made you a promise that we wouldn't sneak around and I'm going to keep it."

He sighed, "This is so weird for me, because I'd never let you do this with a girl." He looked over at phone, "Yes, he can stay over tonight. But just tonight. If you want to do it again, we need to talk before."

"Yes sir, and thank you."

"OK, go on back to bed. I'm going to leave a note for Cat not to give you any trouble and one for Mrs. Witsun. If you need anything call the office and they can transfer you to wherever I am. I don't know how reliable my cell is going to be there."

"OK." I walked over, gave him a hug, and went back to bed. I really didn't think I'd sleep much, but I ended up not waking up until almost 10. I looked at my phone and saw three texts from Toby. I just responded that I'd slept in kind of late and asked if he could talk. I went to splash some water on my face, only hear the phone ringing and ran back in to answer it.

"Everything OK?" he asked as soon as I answered the call.

"Yeah, it's fine. My father got me up early this morning to tell me he had to leave town for a few days for work. I must have slept through my alarm."

"So he's going to be gone tonight?" He asked, his voice honey thick.

I smiled, "Yes and I already asked him if you could spend the night and he said yes."

"Babe, I love you and I really love your dad!"

"I know, he was actually really cool about it, just made me promise if there were going to be any more sleepovers while he was gone that I would ask him first."

"So, are we still going to Seth's party or do you have other plans for me?"

"Oh, I have plans for you, but we're still going to Seth's."

He chuckled, "Well, before we do that, do you want to have dinner with Jack?"

I cleared my throat, "Yeah, that would be nice. But I have to check on Cat to see what she's doing since I'm going to be her ride."

"Alright, well let me know and I'll plan things around that. Love you!"

I felt the warmth in my chest spreading, just like I always did when he told me he loved me. "I love you too."

I went to Cat's door, knocked, and when I didn't hear anything I opened it to find it empty. This was an interesting turn of events, I slept in while she was already up and apparently enjoying the day.

I went downstairs to find her in the kitchen having breakfast (one of the few things she could cook on her own, VERY dry, almost burnt, eggs).

She looked up at me with a big smile on her face, "So, you're in charge of me?"

I just laughed, "More like your chauffeur. What do you have planned tonight?"

"Well, Stacy asked me to sleep over. I was going to ask daddy about this morning, but I guess I need to ask you," she said, grinning.

"Fine by me. What time do I need to take you over there?"

"You don't. Her mom is picking me up and then we're meeting people at Stonebriar. She's going to pick us up from there."

"Stonebriar? Isn't that a little off the beaten path for you guys?"

She sighed, "Yeah, but we can eat and then go to a movie."

"Oh, nice..."

"Shut up, Rob. It's all we have until we can drive."

I laughed, "I know, I know. OK, well, do you want me to pick you up early tomorrow or will you be ready to leave from there for mothers?"

"I'll be ready." She paused, smiling, "So what are you and Toby going to do tonight?"

"Well, we're having dinner with a friend than going to a party. Then he's going to sleep over."

"Oooooohhhhhh... does daddy know?"

"Yeah, I told him this morning before he left."

"And he was cool with it?" she asked, skeptical.

I got up to start making myself something to eat, "Well, yeah. We talked about it a few weeks ago and he knew it would be a possibility. I think he just wants to make sure we're safe. I think it also helps there's no chance either of us will end up pregnant."

She just snorted.

"You want to go grab lunch about 2? Get out and enjoy this beautiful day with your brother?"

"Sounds fun." I just laughed a little, not knowing if she was serious or being facetious.

I texted Toby to give him the scoop and he told me he'd pick me up at 7. About 1 I checked in on Greg. He was full of surprises.

G – Came out to my dad. He knew already. M – HOW did he handle it? G – Really well. Doesn't understand it, but loves me so he's fine. He said 'His understanding isn't required for me to be myself'. Thought that was pretty cool considering he thinks more about electronics than feelings. M – Honestly, that's really fucking cool. How'd he find out? G – My computer usage. I clean up after myself, but he had a monitor on the network, something they were testing at work. Pulled all the IP addresses. He was really just impressed I wasn't spending more time looking at porn :) M – LOL. That's awesome. Gotta run, see you tonight. G – Yep. And Rob? M – Yeah? G – Thanks for everything, man! M – YW

Cat and I had a really good afternoon. We decided to drive into Dallas and met my Aunt and MoMo (who was in town) for lunch. After, we went down to the DMA and explored before we had to get back home so she could get ready to leave at 6.

When Mrs. Posten showed up, I walked out to say hello, carrying Cat's bag since she was a compulsive over packer. I thanked her for doing the duty tonight and she just laughed, explaining it was the least she could do since my father did it a few weeks before.

I went up to my room and laid down for a bit, then got ready. Toby showed up at 7 with a bag and a big smile. After reacquainting ourselves, we went to meet Jack for dinner. When we got there, he was waiting outside and he and Toby hugged, which I took as a good sign that their friendship was back together.

We sat down and Toby told him about the game the previous night, basically giving him a highlight reel and telling him Ethan had done really well. All this was buildup to another round of 'Hey Jack, why don't you play next year? We could really use you, blah, blah, blah' which Jack gently declined.

The server came and took our appetizer order and as soon as she walked away, Jack straightened up in his seat and leaned over the table, looking at me directly.

"So, you want to fill me in on what happened yesterday afternoon with Dornier?"

I looked over at Toby, clearly irritated, only to be met with, "Don't look at me! I didn't say a word."

Jack pressed on, "It wasn't Toby who told me about it."

I leaned back in my seat, somewhat exasperated. Getting Toby off this was relatively easy. Getting Jack off it would be damn near impossible. At this point, there was the promise he'd made Toby to look out for me AND the friendship we'd actually built outside that. Mess with one of Jack's friends and you were going to feel Jack. Or, more accurately, his fists, feet, and anything within reach that he decided to hit you with.

So, I told him what happened and watched him for any clues about his level of anger. When I was done, his reaction was actually mild.

Glancing at Toby, then at me, "I'll take care of it on Monday."

"Jack, there's nothing to take care of!"

He laughed, "Yes there is. He knows who your friends are and he knows you don't get touched."

"Well, that's the thing. Aside from gabbing me, and pressing me against a locker, he didn't touch me. Look at me," I said, point at my face. "No black eye, no broken nose. Not even a scratch anywhere. The only one who got hurt was Richard and Greg did the hurting."

He snorted, "Yeah, I'm sure Greg really fucked him up," he finished, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Dude, you weren't there and you didn't see it. Greg dropped him like a bag of dirt with that kidney punch. Then kicked the shit out of him just to make sure he'd feel it. Honestly, it reminded me a little of you. He wasn't wild, he was calm and controlled."

"This is the same Greg McDade we're talking about, right?"

I sighed, "Yes. He's been lifting with me in gym. He's made a ton of progress. He's not you, but the guy's stronger than he looks."

"Well, then it's great he was there to help out. Still doesn't change the fact that Dornier knew better than to fuck with you..."

"But," and I stopped. I was trying desperately to put into words the thoughts in my head.

"But what? Don't tell me you're going to defend Richard Dornier!"

I laughed, "Hell no. It's just that Greg has been bullied by that guy for years and yesterday, he beat him down. Sure, it wasn't the kind of punishment you or Toby would have dealt out, but I saw it, and it was everything the fucker deserved. If you do something now, it's going to take that away from Greg and he earned the respect he's going to get for doing it.

Instead of doing something, would you consider letting people know when they ask about it that Greg fucked him up pretty badly and that you're still thinking about what you're going to do?"

Toby started laughing and kept at it for a good thirty second until Jack elbowed him and said, "What the hell is so funny?"

Toby, a big smile still on his face, cleared his throat. "He's asking you to help Greg out and at the same time put Richard into a permanent state of paranoia and fear."

Jack leaned back in his chair, a smile coming across his face.

I looked at Toby, completely weirded out. "Actually, that first part is true, but the second..."

"It may not be what you intended," Toby said, "But it will be the effect. Richard will constantly look behind himself. Whether you realized it or not, you're asking Jack to scare the hell out of him for a long time."

Honestly, it hadn't been what I was thinking. I was only thinking about a way to give Greg the win, which he deserved, and allow Jack to save face without having to hurt someone who'd already been through enough in my opinion. But Toby was absolutely right.

Jack, meanwhile, still had the same grin on his face. I looked directly at him.

"Can you live with that?" I asked.

Jack, not breaking his smile, cleared his throat and said, "Oh yeah, the psychological effect will be so much worse than doing something to him next week. Plus, at any time, I can still fuck him up. It's cool with me. Of course, I'm going to have to have a talk with Greg."

"Now why would you have to do that..."

Jack held up his hands, "Would you relax?" And Toby started to laugh.

"What the hell is so funny, Toby?" Jack asked.

"Well, that's just a really stupid thing to ask someone with GAD to do." That caused us all to crack up.

As we stopped laughing, about the time they brought the appetizers, Jack said, "Look, I'm only going to tell him good work and thank him for having your back."

"Oh, that's it?" I asked.

"Well, yeah. What is it with you and Greg McDade?"

I thought for a second, then told him, "I've been helping him along in gym and I really like the guy. He's been a good friend, made all the more obvious by what happened yesterday."

"So he's like a project for you?" he asked. It was a legit question.

"No. At first, I felt bad for him because it was obvious he wanted help but no one had ever bothered to give him any. Josh, my brother, had been that guy for me in 7th so it was kind of my way of paying it forward. Now, I just think of him as a friend who deserves some time in the sun."

Jack smiled, "Dammit, you're going to have me empathizing with people before too long. I know you already have Toby there."

"Hey, I'm every bit as mean as I've always been." This time, it was just Jack and I cracking up.

The rest of dinner was really good. It felt like the first night we'd all been together, but closer. I realized at some point that what he and Toby had been through would end up making them closer and for that, I was really happy. The last two weeks had been hard on me while they hashed things out and I was glad to be past it.

A little after nine we started getting the 'Where are you' texts from Seth, clearly still in a panic thinking that no one was going to show. Toby and I said goodbye to Jack who had other plans which apparently included some guy he'd met at one of his fights. He didn't elaborate and we didn't ask.

We got to Seth's about 945, mostly because we had to spend some time making out in the car. Toby just said he wanted me to be damn near crazy for him by the time we got back to my place despite me telling him all that would do was make the festivities end quickly.

Seth was all smiles when we showed up and appeared to have a pretty full house. Toby went to get something to drink while I chatted with Seth and Carter, complimenting them on the job they'd done removing things that could be broken from the house. They both laughed, happy someone noticed they'd at least prepped well. Carter ran off in search of some girl from Jasper. I asked Seth if he had his eye on anyone and he leaned in to whisper "Robin Ellison" and I laughed.

"What the hell is so funny? Do you know something about her?" He asked, irritated with me.

I stifled my amusement and leaned it to tell him that he very well may be the first straight guy she's ever been out with.

"Really?" He asked, to which I nodded in response. Suddenly his chest puffed out a little as he straightened up. He was ready to do his duty and officially welcome Robin into the beautiful world of dating someone who is actually attracted to you sexually.

Toby showed up a little while later and Seth had more people to greet so we moved to the outside. It didn't take us long to find Greg and Sebastian, surrounded by a bunch of people. We walked over, but not close enough for them to notice. I had to stop Toby and he leaned down to me.

"I don't want to spook him. He's going to tell his version of the story."

Remarkably, there wasn't an once of embellishment. If anything, he left out how scary he was with Richard. That was something I respected more than anything, letting the act speak for itself. As the crowd started to break up, we walked over and I tapped him on the shoulder.

He turned around, giving me a big hug.

"Man, this is awesome! Thanks for getting me an invite."

I smiled at him, " I didn't get you an invite. Seth already thought he'd invited you... I think he's going to try to put pressure on you to play football next year."

Toby piped up on that, papering over my lie, "Honestly, you should think about it. You've got the rest of this year to build up strength and I think you'd do pretty well."

Those words from Toby, of all people, were like gold to him. While they talked, Sebastian and I had our own huddle.

"How's it going?" I asked.

Sebastian had that puppy love smile on his face, the one I know I still had around Toby. I thought I knew what he was going to say, but I wanted to make sure this was all going to work out.

"I'm good," he said, smiling. "I've been dying to ask him out for weeks and was blown away when he called yesterday. I probably embarrassed myself with my immediate yes, but..."

"No, I get it. Trust me."

He looked down, then back up at me, "I know you put him up to it and I can't thank you enough for pushing him over the edge."

"What gave you that impression?"I asked.

He laughed, "He did. He told me you made him man up and ask me out!"

I was taking a drink at the time and of course it didn't go down right. After I was done with my coughing fit, I told him, "I didn't do anything but tell him to go for what he wanted. Plus, I was pretty sure you were interested and I didn't want him to get stepped on."

He laughed, "Oh, you got that right. I've been doing everything but telling him 'DUDE, I'M INTO YOU."

"What's so funny?" Toby asked, joining us with Greg.

"Nothing, we were just chatting," I looked over at Greg, "Thanks again for having my back yesterday."

Greg had this 'aw shucks' look on his face that was priceless, "You would have done the same thing for me."

Toby was the one who stepped in, "Sure, but that's not what happened. You stepped up and helped someone I love. I owe you."

Greg's eyes got a little watery and he looked over at Sebastian, I'm pretty sure for reassurance. Then back at me and Toby, "Well, you're both welcome."

Toby and I hung out for another two hours, then made a graceful exit. The drive back to my house was anything but graceful. I'm sure if a cop had been behind us, we would have been stopped because to someone who didn't know what was happening in the car, and where Toby's dick was, he'd probably appear drunk.

We finally got to my place and made a hasty run to my bedroom. Henry hopped up on the bed with us, then quickly decided the floor would be the better option for him. We pulled off clothes and basically just flung them all over the room in a hurry to pull something off, then quickly put our hands and mouths back on each other. Toby had this thing he did with my neck that just destroyed my will resist anything he wanted to do. It wasn't paralysis so much as blissful acquiescence, letting him make my entire body sing.

He moved slowly down me, then engulfed by dick in one smooth motion. I really thought that might be as far as it went but he pulled off, then looked up at me and smiled.

"Do you have lube and condoms?" he asked.

"Oh, do I!" I responded, laughing as I reached over to my nightstand and pulled out purchases I'd made the week before thinking I needed to be prepared for a time when we would be together here. He grabbed them from me, then laid them down on the bed, next to my hip. He then, with a wicked smile, grabbed my legs and forced them back, asking if I was ok and I just laughed.

"What are doing?"

He grinned, "You'll see."

He pushed me back and exposed my ass. Only then, right before he went down on me, did I realize what he was going to do. Of course, the reality of it hit me like a bag of rocks... his blowjobs were outstanding, but this... this was something else entirely. In minutes he had me writhing on the bed, completely delirious and desperate for more than the feeling of his tongue in my hole.

After an excruciatingly pleasurable wait, he finally came up, kissed me which I gladly accepted, then quickly put on a condom and lube. Then he went back after my ass, just a bit, getting me worked up to the point where I thought I might lose it. Finally he broke off and started with his fingers and it was different than the first time, or really any other time, he'd done it to me. He was watching me intently, realizing how amazing he was making me feel, and taking pride in it. His confidence was such a turn on, it just made me want it that much more.

"Please... Toby," I asked, breathlessly, "Please fuck me!"

"Why so impatient," he asked, as he brushed his fingertip against my prostate, sending a jolt of electricity through me.

"PLEASE!"

"I love you, Rob..." and then slowly started to work into me. It was easier, despite the fact that we hadn't had sex in more than a week, because I'd been working on keeping loose when I showered. Of course, it really wasn't work, but my efforts definitely paid off as it was so much better for both of us.

He grabbed my hips, pulling me down onto him rather than thrusting in. THAT, in and of itself, was incredible. Trusting someone so much that you didn't mind being completely out of control and knowing what a thrill it was for them to BE in control. Toby wasn't a control freak, but that night was something he clearly enjoyed, mostly I'm sure because of what he could see and hear what it was doing to me. The whole time he was on me, kissing me softly even as he picked up speed. I could feel how much he loved me, with every single kiss.

We were both so worked up neither of us lasted long, with me blowing first and him not far behind. I know it was special to him, he loved seeing me cum, knowing it was him making me feel good was just almost more than he could bear.

Rather than wipe off, we decided to hose off in the shower. I thought about changing the sheets, but decided to wait since I knew I'd want more in the morning.

He scooped me up as we walked back into the bedroom, making Henry bark and I had to calm him down while laughing. We laid back down, with me in his arms, and kissed and talked for just a little longer, completely at peace with ourselves and each other. For all the world, it felt like a perfect bubble made just for us and I never wanted to leave it.

I fell asleep first, feeling a final kiss as I drifted off. I woke up to Henry licking my face and the feeling of Toby's beard against my neck and his steady breathing. I looked at the clock and saw it was already 725, so I got up and let Henry outside, then went to the kitchen to make some coffee. I didn't really like it, but I knew Toby did.

Henry came back quickly, then went immediately for the bowl I'd just filled. I went back upstairs with a cup of coffee, hoping to revive my man and get him to take me again.

I nudged him awake, watching him stretch out in bed and slowly open his eyes.

"Oh, babe! Watching you sleep is what I really look forward to in the mornings," he said, seeming genuinely disappointed.

"Well, if you'd like, I can take this coffee back downstairs, then come back up and sleep some more. Or we could do other things," I told him, gently stroking the very obvious bulge covered by my duvet.

He moaned as I did it, then responded, "No, I think the coffee would be really good."

I laughed while handing him the coffee as he sat up, "I thought you might see things my way."

We ended up fucking again. This time it was even more forceful and I liked it. Toby needed to feel dominate occasionally and that was something I actually enjoyed. There's a certain kind of freedom, allowing yourself to let go and feel your partner in control, that's fulfilling to me. Sure, there's a little bit of a lie in it all because I'm not really submissive, but giving up control and letting him 'have his way' is something I could do easily because I trusted him to my core. I knew, even if he hurt me, it wouldn't be intentional and I'd had enough experience at that point to know how to handle it. So, thankfully, had he... he knew what he was doing and knew the damage he could cause.

After we finished in a cacophony of screaming, Toby laid back down while I got in the shower to clean up and get dressed. When I got out, he'd gone back to sleep and I had to wake him up and tell him to get ready while I went down to start breakfast.

"And strip the sheets of my bed so I can throw them in the wash. I'm NOT leaving them for Mrs. Witsun to discover," I told him as I walked out the door. He just laughed and said 'Yes Sir'!

I made some eggs, biscuits,bacon... usual breakfast stuff. I could lie and tell you I made the biscuits from scratch, but no one would believe it. I knew how to cook, and I could certainly make them, but to be honest the ones in the bag that Mrs. Witsun buys and keeps in the freezer are pretty damn good.

We ate quickly, set the wash to run, and got in my truck to pick up Cat. True to her word, we pulled up at 958 and she walked right out, looking fantastic as usual.

She hopped in and let out a heavy sigh, "Rob, take me to McDonalds to get something to eat." As you can tell from how I punctuated that, it wasn't a request so much as an order.

"The hell? Did Mrs. Posten not let you eat?"

"Oh, she made breakfast... that ass casserole thing daddy likes to make. She got the recipe from him and was on about how good it was..."

"But she left the onions in?" I asked.

"Oh yeah. Not having any of that bullshit." Which made Toby and I both laugh.

"Got it, I'll get you fed."

After the McDonalds drive through, we got on the road and were on our way to mothers. Of course, I wasn't just feeding Cat. Toby and Henry split an Egg McMuffin, part of some plan Toby had to get the dog to love him. I was pretty sure he already liked him, so it was really unnecessary and I tried to explain to him that Josh had been trying something similar for a year and it hadn't done much good.

Since we didn't have to hit MoMo's first this week, we gave Toby a little driving tour of Ouichita. No it didn't take long, but he still seemed to enjoy it. I know a lot of people hate small towns, but there's a lot I miss about Ouichita. It's pretty, for one thing, and the people are nice. I realized, while driving around, that things had changed for me. I no longer really considered it home.

Mother wasn't planning lunch until almost 1, so we hung out for a while. Willy and Brent were coming over later and while Lane and I were talking about something, Josh took Toby for a walk 'to discuss some things'. After they walked out, I gave Lane my best WTF look and he just laughed.

"You got me," he responded. "I think he just wants to hang out with him and do some 'alpha man' things. Or whatever."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. He likes Toby a lot more than he's let on. We're both really happy for you and thrilled the two of you ended up together."

"They're talking to one another, aren't they?" I asked Lane, trying to sound irritated.

He sighed, "Yeah. Toby gave him his Skype handle a few weeks ago. I think they talk a few times a week..."

"About me?"

"Some, but not much. Mostly about football. Sex stuff, though it gets kind of weird for Josh and he has to tell Toby when it's too much..."

"Oh, my God," I said, putting my hands over my face. "I'm so embarrassed!"

"About what? That your brother knows you're having sex with your boyfriend? Come on!"

I thought for a second, "Well, yeah. I didn't mind with Bruce, Christopher, and even Kurt. But with Toby, it's different."

"How?" Lane asked.

"I don't know."

"I can venture a guess," he said, coming over to give me a hug, "With Toby it's different than with other guys because you're completely yourself. Right?"

"Yeah..."

"Don't worry about it, I don't think they go into that kind of detail. Josh doesn't ever want to know too much about what his baby brother is doing."

"Thanks for that, Lane."

"Of course. Plus, it's really good that your boyfriend gets along with the rest of your family. Trust me."

"I know."

Lane quickly changed the subject and showed me some work he'd been doing on a game he'd programmed. It was flight simulator app for mobile devices, nothing super fancy, but he was constantly adding new stuff to it and it was really starting to look cool.

When he wrapped up the demo, I went into the kitchen to help my mother who had everything so under control there wasn't much for me to do other than set the table and sit, talking to her, while she finished up lunch.

We went over the things moms usually ask, school, grades, etc. Then she just stopped and looked at me.

"Is that one of the shirts you bought when you went shopping with Lane?" she asked.

I looked down at it and back up at her, "Yes ma'am," I answered hesitantly, not knowing where she was going.

"It looks like it fits a little tighter than it did over the summer."

I smiled, "It should. I've been on a new training program trying to put on some muscle for baseball. There's more competition in Plano than there was here for varsity, so I had to do something."

She looked at me curiously, "What IS this new program?"

I smiled, embarrassed, "Uh, it's something Toby told me about."

Curiosity was turning to concern, "Oh, really. Care to share?"

"Mom, it's kind of embarrassing..."

"I'm your mother! What on earth could possibly be so embarrassing?"

I took a deep breath, "Well, I wasn't making much progress lifting and my partner in gym was. I talked to Toby about it and he knew exactly what the problem was."

"And?"

"I wasn't eating enough."

"Honey, why would you be embarrassed to tell me that?" she asked.

"Because it's stupid. And I should have realized it a year ago."

She smiled, "Honey, don't feel stupid. Sometimes the solution is so obvious we miss it and that's normal. You really should be happy."

"Why's that?"

"Because it's working well enough for me to notice," she said with a smile. "Go tell everyone we're going to eat in 10 minutes."

Lunch and the rest of the day were really relaxing. At one point, Henry and I took a walk with Willy and Brent, down to the lake and back, just hanging out. Willy was going to get his license toward the end of October so I was thinking it would be a good time for them to come up and spend Saturday night with me.

Neil had a surprise for us, right after dinner. Apparently, he'd decided to open an office at Preston Center. He and my mother had also decided to buy a condo there so she could be closer during baseball season. That had me pretty happy, just knowing there were going to be less than 15 minutes down the tollway was reassuring. Josh was thrilled because it meant he and Lane would have a place to stay when they came up to hang out with us.

As we walked out to the car, I yawned which prompted Toby to ask if he wanted me to drive. I know it may sound strange, especially since I'd just gotten my license, but I was only too happy about it. I ended up falling asleep before we even got on the freeway, then didn't wake up until Toby already had me in bed.

I started to get up and he stopped me, "Just relax and go back to sleep."

"But I need to let Henry out and I have to lock up the house."

He just laughed, "Henry is already outside, I'll let him back in when I leave, and Cat is more than capable of locking up."

"I guess you're right," I said, as I pushed my head back into my pillow.

He leaned down to kiss me, "Good night, baby. Sweet dreams."

And that was it for me. I wish I had a great excuse, but I needed sleep. I may not be as bad as Cat, but this had been a long weekend and I really was out of it.

By the time my alarm went off the next morning, I was feeling great. I got up, got ready, and went down to find Mrs. Witsun making breakfast.

"Did you guys have fun at your mothers yesterday?" she asked.

"Yes ma'am!"

"Well, good! Do you want me to take Cat to school and pick her up or are you ok with that?"

"Oh, I can take her if you can pick her up. Will that work?"

She just laughed, "Of course it will. Just let me know if you need anything. Have you heard from your father?"

With a mouth full of food I answered, "Uh uh," then after swallowing, "He said things would be a little spotty with his cell. Just call the office if you need him and they supposedly can connect you."

Having to drop Cat off put a bite into my morning, so by the time I walked into school, the first bell had gone off. I ran into Carter who'd mentioned that everyone was talking about the thing with Richard Dornier from Friday. Jack had apparently made his statement on the matter to a few of the more gossipy girls and it had spread.

"Man, I wouldn't want to be Richard," Carter said.

"Why's that?" I asked, full of innocence.

"Well, Jack's basically said he doesn't know what he'll do to him or when he'll do it since Greg already fucked him up pretty good. Would you want that hanging over your head?"

"Good point."

The rest of the day went a lot like that, except for the concern from people asking if I was OK. As is usually the case, the story had changed from what really happened into 'OMG, he tried to beat the shit out of Rob and Greg beat his ass!' The last part was obviously true, the first... well, I didn't spend to much time correcting people.

By the time I got to gym, things were still buzzing and I walked into the locker room to find Greg standing at my locker already changed and looking like he was about to explode.

"Dude, where have you been?" He asked insistently.

I just laughed, "Coming from History. I'm not running late, what's the big deal?"

"Nothing. I'm sorry, I'm just a little amped up. Today has been..."

"Good?"

He smiled, "Yeah, it's been amazing. And then something awesome happened," and leaned in close, "Jack Reynolds told me thanks for having your back and said if I needed help with anything to let him know."

"Well, Jack's a good guy. He wouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it."

"I didn't even know you guys were friends!"

"Yeah, we are. Lookit, he's a cool guy, just be yourself with him, OK?"

He looked at me like I was crazy, "Sure," he said, laughing nervously, "I'll just be myself with him. Right."

"Get out of the way and let me change. And Greg?"

"Yeah?"

"Seriously, thanks for Friday."

He blushed then made a beeline to get to the weight room while I changed, realizing how lucky I was and how good life could be.

Thanks for reading! Any comments can be sent to doncornelius69 at yahoo dot com.

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