We Will Remember Them

This story is a work of fiction. None of the characters are real and any similarities between this story and/or any characters in it and real life is purely coincidental.

THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF CONSENSUAL SEXUAL ACTS BETWEEN TEENAGE MALES. IT IS INTENDED FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE ONLY! IF YOU FIND THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL OFFENSIVE, OR IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, OR UNDER THE LEGAL AGE TO VIEW SUCH MATERIAL THEN PLEASE READ NO FURTHER.

The author retains the copyright, and any other rights, to this original story. You may not publish it or any part of it without explicit authorization from me.

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The weeks that followed the first week of my sophomore year were pretty tame. I cemented the friendships I'd made and developed new ones while at the same time I worked hard to keep the old ones from Ouichita alive.

There were times when it felt like I was walking a tightrope, trying to make time for the people who were important to me, mostly because there were a bunch of them. Luckily, they all mostly understood except Alan who was between girlfriends at the time and seemed kind of lost. Willy and Brent ended up helping him out, especially since Josh and Lane were together pretty much constantly.

Things settled down into a nice routine, which made me comfortable and helped with the stress. Toby, better than anyone other than Josh and Cat, understood how much I needed that since there had been so many changes it felt like I was being pulled in a thousand different directions. Don't get me wrong, always having something to do was nice, but I needed some time to myself just to be alone every once in a while. It was weird, but Toby never felt slighted by it. I thought at one point he was feeling a little irritated with me because I needed the down time, but when we talked about it he was actually pissed because he felt like I wasn't getting enough. Needless to say, I couldn't have asked for someone better equipped emotionally to deal with me.

I had thought about asking Dr. Arya to let me come on Tuesday's as well for a while, but after my freakout the Saturday after the first game, I'd been really good. I just needed time to adjust, he'd said and I knew he was right. After all, new school, new friends, new boyfriend... I like to think anyone would have had a few anxious moments but I also know they wouldn't have dealt with them quite so badly. I could give myself a break, but only so far, which Arya reminded me wasn't enough.

There was one funny thing that happened during those first few weeks, Carter introducing me to one of the baseball coaches. He taught biology at Shepton and it was on my way to Algebra 2 so one day after lunch we went by to say hello. I was nervous as hell, but Carter told me the coaches last name was Adams and I, being a moron, took it as a sign since my middle school football coach was named Adams and his father was my varsity baseball coach. It never occurred to me that the Adams here might be related to them.

As we walked into his class, students were already coming in and taking their seats and we walked up to his desk.

He was a smaller guy than the older Coach Adams was, but definitely closer in age to my baseball coach than my football coach.

"Carter, what can I do for you?" he asked, looking up from the lesson plan on his desk.

"Sorry to bother you, Coach. Just wanted to bring by a new kid who is thinking about going out for baseball in January, Rob Hallstrom."

"Nice to meet you sir," I blurted out while I sticking out my hand, which he shook, firmly. Then he leaned back in his chair.

"Hallstrom? You didn't go to Ouichita last year, did you?"

I flushed. "Yes sir?"

He smiled broadly, "You're the guy who gave my brother fits about moving to varsity, aren't you?"

FUCK, was all I could think.

"Yes, sir, I guess that would have to be me." I responded, while feeling about three feet tall.

He just laughed, "My brother was really peeved at you for like a day, then he really started to like you. I look forward to working with you in January, son."

I smiled, "Thank you, sir. I honestly didn't think he liked me at all."

That made him laugh,"Yeah, I can see why might think that, he's got his own way of doing things. Good meeting you. You boys get on to class."

"Yes sir," we both responded, in unison. When we got outside the door, Carter could barely contain his laughter.

"That was AWESOME! You really gave your old coach a hard time about moving to varsity?"

I just sighed, "Kind of. I was being stupid and didn't want the guys on JV to think I was abandoning them. In hindsight, it was pretty dumb since there was no way they were going to let me say no. In the end, all my JV teammates were all really cool about it."

"That's badass... Man, you continue to surprise me. I thought you were bullshitting about playing V last year."

That made me smile. "Nope. I wouldn't ever bullshit about something like that. I worked too hard to get there."

"Maybe we should practice some?" he asked.

I just looked over at him, and held up my fist for him to bump. "Just tell me when."

I also did a number of other things that could be considered amusing, like accidentally tripping Chuck's girlfriend in the hallway one day. And at one point I told Julian's mom her hips were big. I also decided to win Scrabble one night with the Martin's by using profanity. And that's just the short list of the awkward, ridiculous, and occasionally balls out stupid things I did on a pretty regular basis.

Willy, of course, was endlessly amused by all this and at one point while we were on Skype when Ethan was over, ran through some of my finer moments including all the girls I'd made cry. Ethan, for his part, tried not to laugh too hard, but his restraint only lasted about five minutes.

They both decided they should write a book about me, Profiles in Awkward, and were quite sure it would make a hilarious movie. Ethan also shared some of the better stories with the guys on JV and varsity, which I found out about the Wednesday before my birthday when Toby told me about it as we were eating dinner.

"Oh, Toby, I'm sorry. I didn't think..."

Toby interrupted me, "What are you sorry for?"

"Being such a goon at times," I responded.

Toby smiled, "That's just one of the many things I love about you. Hell, just about all the guys thought some of the stories were hilarious. I think Ethan is right about writing a book."

And for that, he got a tator tot thrown at him, which hit him squarely in the forehead leaving just a slight grease mark that I didn't tell him about.

My birthday was on a Monday and the Saturday before my father and I spent time making sure I could nail the driving test. He'd insisted I take the test in his Escalade, so I spent a ton of time getting used to it. Earlier that week, Josh had asked if he and Lane could have dinner with us on Saturday some place in Dallas. Before even checking with Toby, I told him yes. And then felt the stress prior to even putting down the phone.

Toby had plans for us that night that thankfully wouldn't be effected having Josh and Lane along. He was actually kind of amused that I felt bad committing him to something without talking to him first, but he understood it wasn't fear of him being angry with me, it was me chastising myself for being inconsiderate. As he pointed out, he really wanted to meet my brother and his boyfriend and I had to remind him that Lane was a good friend independent of Josh.

While I was out driving with my father the morning of the 10th, I got a call from Mark asking me if I'd like to spend the night. I told him I had plans with Toby, but he said it was cool, that he'd just like to hang out after. I asked my father if it was OK and he said yes. No questions, no bullshit, just yes.

I think he knew something was up. I know I did. Mark and I had gotten pretty close, but there was no way he'd call me to spend the night. I didn't press the issue and instead texted Mark that I'd have Toby drop me off about one.

For his part, Toby had been pretty tight lipped about what he had planned, other than that it would be fun and I should wear something 'hot'. Throwing dinner with Josh and Lane into the mix surprisingly didn't appear to conflict with this plans, which made me think whatever he had planned was probably going to happen after 10.

My father and I actually had a good time working on my driving skills that day. Since the move, it was the first time we'd spent more than an hour or so together, so it was nice to talk about how things were going. We ended up talking a lot about the business and he asked how things were going with Toby.

"They're actually going really well. He's a good guy and that's about as far as I can go without getting mushy on you."

My father laughed, "You can get mushy on me. I'm your father, not some weird old guy who doesn't remember what it's like to be in love."

"Yeah, but it's a little different. I'm in love with another guy, I know it's strange for you and I know you're working on being cool."

My father sighed, "Is that really what you think? That I'm working on accepting? Son, I'm working on understanding how you can be in love with another guy. I'm long past acceptance."

"Well, I love him. I feel safe with him, I feel like I can let go and not be so wound up in my head. It's like therapy but better because I know how he feels about me." I paused for a second, looking over at him. "You have to understand that for someone like me, it's like hitting the jackpot as far as finding the person who is a fit for me, temperamentally."

He cleared his throat, then said, "There's not a bit of that I don't understand, especially given the GAD. What I'm most impressed by is that you told me those things instead of going on about being attracted to him. I thought things were like that, but hearing it from you that way is a relief, especially since I didn't know how he'd deal with your condition.

It's hard, as a parent, to know there's something wrong with your child..."

"Yeah, but it's manageable, with therapy. Eventually I may need to take drugs to keep the anxiety down..."

"Kiddo, let me finish, OK?" I nodded back to him. "It's hard because you want life to be easy for your child. You want them to be comfortable and not live in fear. To know that their brain doesn't really handle things the way most people do can be a little heart wrenching, but it's not because I'm embarrassed, no matter what you might think. It's because I think in some way I failed along the line and I can't give you the life I want you to have."

"All this time I've been thinking you were kind of put off because I was disabled, that I wasn't perfect. What you've really been is upset that you couldn't fix it? Am I right?"

I looked over to see him wiping his eyes, "Pretty much. And I'm sorry if I ever gave you that impression. I should have said something that day you went to see Dr. Arya, but you were so upset after the conversation we had I didn't want to make you angrier. I know I don't say it enough, but I love you. And I always will, no matter what. I just want the best for you and sometimes I get it wrong.

What I was going to say is that it's hard to know there's something wrong with your child, and the only thing you hope for is that there will be someone who comes along and makes them feel better. Hearing you say that about Toby, and seeing how is with you, honestly makes me really happy."

I teared up a little at this point. Since moving here, I realized our conversations had been better, deeper. I had initially decided it was related to Toby because he really seemed to like him. But it wasn't that at all... my father, the stoic, wasn't embarrassed of me, he was fearful for me and that fear made him appreciate Toby in ways I hadn't considered. It also helped me understand his motivations and in some cases provided reasons for past behavior.

"Dad, I love you, too. I wish I could say something that would help your worry, but I know that's not possible as you've reminded me a number of times." That got a laugh out of him. "All I can say is I get up every morning and do my best, just about like everyone else. And I have a pretty decent support system here now and it's not just Toby. I have bunch of friends at school who know how I'm wired up and can help me when I need it. The hardest thing about all this is letting go of my pride in wanting to handle it all internally. I can't do that. Luckily, there are a lot of people who care about me despite not knowing me long. I'm pretty sure that's not just because of me, but because of how you and mother raised me."

"Well, we did do a lot of things right, but the things we got really right were you and your sister. As long as you don't eat something she wants." We both laughed at that since my father had been pretty roundly castigated by Cat that morning for eating cookies she wanted for breakfast.

We stopped for lunch at one point, then got gas, and ended up driving around checking on some of the nearby projects he had going. I was pretty confident about the test, but I could tell the last thing he wanted was for the day to end so I played along. To be honest, I didn't want it to either.

Eventually, we drove home so I could get ready. I packed a small bag then went downstairs to find Toby chatting with my father. I walked up to him and wrapped my arm around his waist while he bent his head down to give me a quick kiss.

"Hey babe, what's with the bag?" he asked.

"Mark wanted me to spend the night so I told him I'd have you drop me off there when we were done."

That got an eyebrow raise and he looked at me puzzled.

"I don't know, I think he wants to get to know me better. Plus, I actually like hanging out with him. He's better at Halo than you are."

My father cleared his throat, "Y'all have fun and don't forget we're leaving here tomorrow at ten sharp."

"Yes sir, but I'll be back early enough to eat something. Mark's mother just makes pancakes on weekends and they're pretty bad."

When we got on the road, Toby was smiling broadly.

"You're really that excited to meet Josh and Lane?" I asked, wondering what the smile was all about. He picked up my hand which was clasped with his and kissed it.

"Yep. I'm also excited about what we're doing later with them and then I'm excited about spending the night with you at Mark's."

"You planned me spending the night?"

He laughed, "Actually Mark did since his parents are gone for the weekend. I would have told you about it, but we both thought it would be better if we didn't put you in a position to lie to your father."

I just sat there thinking. They were absolutely right, I'd have blown it especially given how my father was today. I was seeing different pieces of him and it made me just love him more. No matter what, he was still my father and I wouldn't have been able to convincingly lie to him.

"Please don't be upset," Toby said, the worry clear in his voice from my lack of response. "I promise, we can do as little as you want. Hell, we can sleep in separate rooms or whatever. I didn't mean for this to feel like we were ganging up on you."

"Toby, stop it. I'm not mad at all. You guys did the right thing for the right reason and it's going to work out. I trust you. I also love you and believe me, every nasty thing you've thought about doing to me I've thought about doing to you," I finished, smiling at him.

The relief was evident on his face, "Right now, all I want is just to hold you as you fall asleep."

I looked over at him, eyes glistening, and said, "That's definitely going to happen. But I just want it to be after some other stuff. Like having you fuck the hell out of me."

He swerved a bit while trying to relieve some sudden pressure in his crotch.

"You don't think it's too soon?" he asked.

I looked out the window, smiling. "Nope. I know I'm in love with you, not your body, and I'm certain you feel the same way," I looked back over at him, "Tell me I'm wrong."

He grasped my hand just a little tighter, for a second, as we got on the tollway to head into Dallas. We were meeting Josh and Lane at a place we'd been to before with Neil off McKinney. The drive was really nice, everything with him was so effortless and easy that it sometimes felt like a dream. Even talking on the drive down, which was mostly about weightlifting since he'd been with Mark earlier and I was just getting started again, was nice. It's hard to explain how a conversation you could possibly have with anyone is just different with someone you love. It's better and even if the words are the same, somehow they take on a much deeper meaning.

We ended up being about fifteen minutes early, so we told the maitre d' we were there, but in the bar waiting for the rest of our party. We ended up having a nice conversation with the bar tender who wasn't too upset that we were just drinking soda she said because we were 'such a cute couple'. And, seriously, what better way to get a large tip than by feeding the egos of two newly in love gay boys?

Josh and Lane came in a little while later and I introduced them to Toby. Lane gave him a hug and Josh held out his hand, which Toby took and then pulled him into a hug. I think it caught Josh a little off guard, which made me laugh internally because that rarely happened.

The conversation was pretty good at first with all of us talking about how we knew one another. Josh and Lane heard Toby's version of The Night We Met which was surprisingly different from my version. It's funny how two people can give almost completely different versions of the same event, yet neither are really wrong. Toby was right about the details, especially the ones I'd forgotten about, but hearing things from his perspective for the first time was really cool. It was just one more thing that let me know how he felt about me and it made me feel secure with him all over again.

After we ordered, he and Josh started talking about football and Lane and I caught up on some things, including a message from Christopher that he and Darren wanted to have dinner with us soon so I made a mental note to set that up. He also mentioned that Mandy had asked how I was doing.

"What did you tell her?" I asked.

"I told her the truth, that you were doing well and that you'd met someone really special to you."

I got in a little closer to him, "How did she react? Was she fishing for information to tell Kurt?"

At that moment, as soon as I said Kurt's name, Toby's hearing amped up. Neither Lane nor I were aware of it. While we were at the same table, we were talking quietly enough that we assumed he couldn't hear. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

"No, she's as angry with him as we were, especially after we told her the full story. She was actually wanting to know if you were alright."

I sat back for a second, then answered, "Please tell her I'm fine and I'm not mad at her."

"OK, I will."

At that point Toby interjected, "Kurt? Your ex?"

I looked over at him, with this look of surprise on my face and he just smiled at me, "Yeah, I pick up on certain names."

Josh cleared his throat, "He told you about Kurt?"

I jumped in, "We haven't gone over the whole story, but he knows he's my ex and that he cheated on me," I said to Josh. Then, looking at Toby, "Mandy is a friend of ours and she's Kurt's cousin. She was just wondering how I was doing. I'm guessing she feels weird contacting me since her cousin was a cheating bastard, so she asked Lane how I was doing."

He raised an eyebrow looking at me, "The WHOLE story?"

"Yeah, with all the details. It hasn't come up and, honestly, I'm kind of glad of that since he is a miserable person and I'm glad he's out of my life." I paused for a second, then continued, "What I haven't told you will honestly just piss you off. And Josh already beat the shit out of him."

"Hey, that reminds me. He's back on his feet again, maybe Toby should go fuck him up."

I glared over a Josh, "NOT FUNNY, JOSH."

Which, predictably, made Josh laugh, "Yeah, it is."

Toby, not missing a beat, "It actually is pretty funny. I mean, I wanted to beat the shit out of him the night we met..."

"Wait, you wanted to kick his ass and you didn't know him?" Lane asked, his voice betraying surprise.

Toby just looked over him, "Well, yeah. You guys didn't see... it's hard to explain, but when we were talking, getting to know one another, there was a moment when I could see this pain in Rob, and I knew it had to have been him. It was, uhm, I don't know, this uncertainty and fear, partly from not knowing if someone was really interested in him or just in how he looked, but mostly from the cheating. It made me mad and I wanted to beat the person who did that to him, who made him worry about that."

Lane and Josh both traded looks which I couldn't read, then Josh spoke up, "Man, I love you already."

We ended up talking throughout dinner, mostly telling stories about funny things I'd done, some of which Toby had already heard about from either me or Willy via Ethan. I couldn't have hoped for things to have gone better that night. It made me feel fantastic to know they were getting along so well with Toby.

By the time we asked for the check, it was clear they really liked him. When they brought the bill, Josh and Toby both tried to pay it and I pulled out my card and handed it to the server. Toby just looked at me like I'd grown two heads.

"Why didn't you just let us split the thing..."

"Because it would have taken longer. We've been out three times this week and you've paid every single time. Just let me get this."

"But..."he started to say and I stopped him quickly.

"But what? I can't ever pay? Boy-o, you're going to have to realize something but quick. I get that you want to do things for me, but damnit, I want to do things for you, too. So you're going to let me, understood?" I knew where 'boy-o' came from. It was my grandfather. He used that with me in a variety of situations, all which indicated I should pay attention. And I'd never done it before, with Toby or anyone.

He looked a little shocked and hung his head a bit with this grin that clearly revealed he knew he was wrong. Then he looked over at Josh and said, "I think we just had our first fight," which made both Josh and Lane laugh.

"Honestly, that is about as bad as it gets with Rob. And ten minutes from now, you'll never know he was angry."

"Josh,"I whined, "Would you please not talk about me like I'm not here? And I'm not angry, just irritated."

Toby, grabbing my hand, said, "I already know what he's talking about. You don't hold grudges and it's one of the things that makes you so beautiful." He leaned over and kissed me and suddenly the irritation I'd felt just dissipated.

And then Josh piped up, "Our sister, on the other hand, she holds a grudge. Be very careful," he said, laughing.

Toby didn't miss a beat, "I think my brother has already figured that out."

Josh looked confused but Lane got it and spoke immediately, "Oh, don't tell me..."

"Yep. They're both in eighth and at the same school. WE," I said, gesturing to myself and Toby, "had absolutely nothing to do with it."

"Oh, boy. Well, if he's anything like you he should be able to handle it," Josh said to Toby.

Right then the server came back with the check, I signed and we got up to leave. We walked out into a fairly nice early fall night. It was still warm, but the humidity was down so it actually felt good. Toby asked if he could talk to Josh about something for a second and Lane and I stepped away from him, over to Lane's car, which they'd driven into town.

"So, how was he on the drive up?" I asked. Josh had a problem with Lane's driving. To be honest, I think it was just that Josh liked to be the one to drive, Lane may drive a little fast at times, but I always thought he was pretty good driver.

"Not bad, actually. I asked him not to be a bitch and of course he got his feelings hurt, but the message was received. I swear, he'd be perfectly happy if I'd never gone for my license."

"Yeah, I got nothing. Who knows why he is the way he is. I know he's not trying to control you..."

"No, I know it's not that. It started after the damn thing last May. It's like he thinks he can keep something bad from happening to me. I really don't mind much but I DO like to drive."

"Well, I have an idea what he's dealing with. It may be worth it for him to go to therapy. He was out of his mind when you were in the hospital and if this is some sort of thing he's doing in his head, it's better to be proactive about it, you know?"

"Yeah. I really hope that's not it."

I laughed, "Why? You couldn't control it or his reaction to it. He loves you. It's natural."

He smiled back at me, "Toby loves you, too. He looks at you like Josh looks at me. He even steals glances."

"What do you mean?"

Lane coughed a bit, "He glances at you when he knows you're not looking. I don't think Josh noticed it, but I did. And he smiles when he does it. It's so fucking subtle you'd never see it in a thousand years, but he does and it's so cute. Please don't say anything to him. I want to see if your mom notices it when she meets him."

"Next weekend..." I said.

"You're not nervous about it, are you?" Lane asked.

I sighed, "Of course I am, but that's mostly the GAD. I know Toby and I know my mother, I think they'll get along well. Still, you know the way my head works."

About that time the boys walked up and Toby wrapped his arms around me.

"OK, I made plans to get us into a gay club tonight and I'd love it if you guys would join us," he said.

Lane and Josh both looked at him with the question clearly written on their faces, "How the hell did you do that?"

Toby explained, "One of the guys I played with my freshman year is a bouncer at S4. So, I asked if he could sneak us in before midnight which is when they start letting in people who are under 21. He's even got it fixed with one of the bartenders, but we have to pay cash and be really careful."

Josh smiled, "Oh, man, that's awesome! Yeah, we're totally in!"

"Cool, we have to hit the door at nine, so we have about an hour to kill. You guys want to get some dessert? I know Rob does." And that earned him an elbow to the ribs.

Lane asked, "Isn't there a Marble Slab around here?"

"Yep, we can walk there." I responded, quickly, which prompted laughter from Toby.

After ice cream, which was quickly becoming my high calorie way to needle Toby, we got in our cars and drove over to Cedar Springs. After parking, we ended up in line just around nine. Toby, for his part, was beaming. There's just no other way to put it. It started right as he and Josh came back over to us and just seemed to continue. I swear it was like he'd grown a little bit and even his manner with me had changed, but just in a very minor, barely noticeable, way. It was like he was suddenly more confident.

I just didn't know why.

I put it toward the back of my mind, thinking I was imagining it. Then we got to the front of the line and ran into Gary, the guy he'd played football with.

"Dude, you look fucking badass!" Gary told him.

"You too, man. I see you're still lifting heavy." Toby responded.

Gary ducked his head a little, then looked back up, "Well, it makes it easier to toss around the more belligerent straight guys who end up here occasionally. And it's also pretty good for getting laid." He paused for a second, looking us over, "It's the four of you?"

"Yeah, man... this is my boyfriend Rob, his brother Josh and his boyfriend Lane."

Gary took a moment to look me up and down, then held out his hand, which I shook. "Really good to meet you, Rob. Toby is a really good guy."

I just smiled back at him, "Thanks and it's good to meet you as well."

With that he let us through and Toby got the cover for the four of us. Then we walked into the club itself, which was pretty awesome. My only experience with a gay club had been in New York when Richard snuck me into one. S4 was different, certainly larger, and I just thought it was the coolest thing. I've heard older gay guys talk about their first trip to a gay bar and I always think back to this night. It's just freeing for some reason, even for people like me who aren't in the closet and generally have no hang ups about letting people know we're gay. I heard someone refer to bars and clubs as gay church, not because of any religious reason, but because of fellowship. It was the one place you could feel safe and not judged.

Well, at least not judged for being gay. Your hair and what you were wearing, however, were up for discussion by the queens.

We walked around the lower part of the club,then went upstairs exploring. There was a big bar upstairs where Gary had us set up with a bartender he played rugby with. Toby took care of drinks and we stood there talking.

"I really like him," Lane said. Josh just nodded his affirmation. It felt good to see how well Toby meshed with them and gave me confidence that his trip to Ouichita the next Sunday would go really well.

Toby walked up, giving us all rum and cokes. I know it shouldn't have been such a big deal, but when you're a kid in high school, something like this is just cool as hell.

I looked over to see Toby grinning at me, "Having fun?"

I reached over to pull him closer to me, "Oh yeah! Thank you for doing this, babe!"

"Happy Birthday!" he said, smiling.

We made our way back downstairs and noticed the dance floor was mostly empty, perfect for the four of us. Of course, the more the merrier and within about fifteen minutes, the floor wasn't really crowded but it was far more occupied than before.

Toby, surprisingly for a jock, was actually a pretty good dancer. There wasn't any of that typical white boy crap with the thumbs hooked into pockets and the tongue coming out of the mouth just slightly. Instead, the boy could MOVE and he was confident. More than once I had to glare at some guy who was openly ogling him.

Yes, I was absolutely jealous. I didn't think Toby would cheat, but I sure as hell didn't want someone fucking up my birthday even if the risk was non-existent. No, it wasn't 'like' me, but I was beginning to understand that with Toby there were a lot of things I was comfortable doing that weren't 'like' me.

We danced for about an hour, then went back up to get more drinks. The bar was starting to fill and it felt better with all the people, not worse. I stood there people watching while the guys went to the bathroom. They'd been gone maybe ninety seconds before someone came up to me.

"Hey, are you guys here as a group?" he asked. He was a very attractive guy, decently built, dark hair and eyes flashing a really killer smile framed by thick, full, lips.

"Kind of, it's my brother, his boyfriend, and my boyfriend. We're out for my birthday."

"Really? How old are you?" he asked with a damn wicked grin. "I'm David, by the way."

"Rob," I said, shaking his hand, "Nice to meet you. I just turned 21 so we're out celebrating."

"WOW... let me buy you guys a round!"

NOPE, was the only thing that went through my head. "Hold up, please. Let's wait for my friends to get back."

While we waited, I discovered that it was surprisingly easy to talk to him. He asked if this was my first time here and where I went to school. I told him SMU, but that I just moved here so it was my first semester in Dallas. I thought I was playing it pretty well. David, it turned out, had just moved to Dallas as well from the east coast after finishing school at UVA.

Toby walked up with a curious look on his face, but he didn't appear worried in the least. He was actually smiling a bit as he walked to me, gave me a kiss and with his arm around my waist introduced himself to my new friend. I filled him in on what we'd talked about and mentioned that David wanted to buy us a round of shots.

With that, his smile got really broad. He leaned in close to David and said, "I can't let you do that, man. We're all under 21. A friend let us in early, but please be cool about it."

David was nodding his head, then looked at me as Toby finished. "I thought you looked younger than 21!"

"I'm sorry about lying to you. I just didn't want to get busted."

"It's cool, and I appreciate you guys being honest. I was hoping to make some friends which was why I came over and talked to you."

Toby spoke up, "Well, we do actually know some people. The big bouncer downstairs is Gary and he's actually a friend of mine. The bartender is Kevin and he's really cool. He plays rugby and I'm pretty sure from the way he keeps glancing at your ass that he'd really like to meet you."

David blushed and smiled, "Maybe you can introduce me?"

"I'd love to. But I also want to take you down to meet Gary. When our other friends get back, we'll do that first."

Two minutes later, Toby took off with David and I filled Lane and Josh in on what was happening. Josh went to the bar to get us another round and we waited for Toby. It wasn't long before he came bounding up the stairs, very alone.

"Where'd David go?" I asked.

"He and Gary hit it off. Gary took a break and they are getting to know one another. I think they will be getting to know one another later, too." he said, smiling.

We talked about going to the drag show, then decided to dance more. It was a great night and as we were walking out the cars about 1230, Josh pulled me back a bit and hugged me to him.

"You know, I've been so worried about you and I realize I can relax a bit. He's a good guy and I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks, bro, it means a lot to me that you like him."

"I know and I do. But what I really like is how he treats you."

I laughed, "What about how I treat him?"

"Well, that's important but less so to me. He's not Kurt and I'm glad of that. Beating his ass would be a lot more difficult."

We all hugged and said our goodbyes. Toby drove us back up the tollway and dropped me at Mark's, telling me to go around to the back. He was going to park his car a few blocks away to make sure no one would see it which made me laugh since the only one who would matter was obviously my father.

I sat there on the deck waiting for him, thinking about the night and how much it meant to me to have Josh and Lane here. As much as I'd tried to readjust, there were still times when I missed seeing them every day and it was hard. Josh WAS my brother, probably more now than at any time in the past. I thought of him like I thought of Cat, as my family. Long after our parents were gone, we'd be there for one another and it hurt not seeing him every day.

Toby walked up a little while later and I was so in my head I didn't even realize it until he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck.

"You thinking about Josh?" he asked.

I looked up at him and smiled, "Yeah. Tonight was really special and I can't thank you enough."

"Oh, I can think of a way. Come on."

We found the key the Ambrose's hid for one of the back doors, and Toby punched in the alarm code, then re-armed it once we were inside. We quickly made for one of the guest bedrooms, went inside, and locked the door. He turned to me and walked up, grabbing my ass and lifting me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and we stood there, just like that, kissing and holding one another. After a few minutes, I whispered in his ear to let me down and I stood there in front of him, running my hands all over his still clothed upper body, then making a move to strip off his shirt. We took our time stripping one another, enjoying the feeling of just being together, the two of us, and knowing that the connection we felt was about to get a whole lot deeper.

There wasn't any need to fumble around or rush, it was just smooth, perfectly even.

When we were both down to our underwear, it was obvious he was quite a bit larger than Kurt, closer to Bruce if anything. I knew I could take it, but I knew it was going to hurt. I reached for his underwear and he said, "Stop."

I looked up at him, unsure, only to find him smiling.

"This may be your birthday, but I want to unwrap you first. Consider it an early birthday gift to me." I smiled back at him and nodded.

He knelt down and slowly slid my underwear off, then leaned back and softly said, "So beautiful." Then, in one smooth motion, he took me all way into his mouth. I wasn't nearly as big as him, but I was above average and taking me all the way was pretty impressive, at least from my perspective. And his skill was incredible. Brian had been good. Christopher had been good. Kurt was decent, but not great mostly because he'd always rather fuck than suck.

He was running his hands all over my legs and ass as his mouth did incredible things to my dick. It was unbelievable and my knees started to buckle. He grabbed my ass, picked me up as he stood, and carefully laid me on the bed, never taking his mouth off me.

Once I was down, he took me all the way, and as my breathing got more rapid, I felt his tongue, which had been doing wonders, leave his mouth and hit the lowest part of my dick and the upper part of my balls. I felt the rise and realized I was close.

"Toby, baby, I'm about to cum..." which only made him pick up speed and then the world exploded as my entire body went numb, flooded with pleasure, as he sucked my balls dry. I couldn't move as the orgasm subsided, even enough to raise my head. I laid there, completely blissed out, staring up at the ceiling until Toby's face came into view and he kissed me.

"Damn, I guess I did pretty good!" he said.

It took me a minute to respond, "That was absolutely amazing."

"I've wanted to do that since the night we met. Happy birthday, baby."

He laid down next to me, tracing patterns across my chest and stomach lightly with just the tips of his fingers. I could have died right then and been totally happy. When I finally recovered enough, I raised up, to kiss him and he pulled me on top of him. I straddled his body, his now wet boxers pressed against the naked flesh of my ass, and I could feel him at full mast.

We made out for probably ten minutes, with me working on his neck, jawline, and ears, flicking my tongue against his skin as I kissed him lightly, eliciting the most beautiful moans from deep within him as he laid back and enjoyed my efforts. When I felt like I had him worked up enough, I pulled away and looked him in the eyes.

"Toby, I want you inside me."

His face was filled with anticipating and excitement, even if his words didn't convey it.

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you."

I smiled back at him, "Yes, I'm absolutely certain."

He gently pushed me off, then rose up, stripping his dogwater soaked underwear. My guess about him being hung like Bruce was sickeningly close to accurate with one big difference... he was thicker. I knew this was going to hurt, but I wanted it more than I'd wanted anything in my life. I needed it. This was something I had wanted since the night we met, and I wasn't going to let tonight pass without it.

He dug in his bag and came back with lube and a condom. I took the condom from him, opened it and began working it onto his rock hard cock, knowing that it would only build the excitement he felt.

"How do you want to do this?" he asked.

I responded, quickly enough to bring a smile to his lips, "Missionary. I want to be able to see you."

I laid back on the bed while he prepped me, using what felt like half the lube in the bottle. At first, I thought about telling him 'not too much' but then the thought of the girth hit me and I kept quiet. He worked my hole with his finger, small circles around it and then gently pushing in, first one finger, then two, and then a third. It was getting easier and I started to push back, to let him know I was ready.

With three fingers inside me and as he massaged my prostate from within, he bent over me and kissed me, deeply. This was lust and he was definitely revealing a dominate side to him that was a real turn on as his gentle kiss turned into a full on tongue fuck that left my head spinning. As he pulled away, a big smile on his face showing me he was pleased with the effect he was obviously having on me, I gasped out that I was ready.

He pulled out his fingers, lubed himself up, and began to enter me. The pain was great, but surprisingly not too much worse than with Bruce, at least for the first four or five inches. The rest was uncomfortable and there were a few times I'd gasp and he'd stop, holding position. Knowing how it must have felt to him, and the grim reality that if he'd decided to plow right in there was nothing I could do to stop him, his self restraint was unbelievable. Of course, it didn't occur to me that he knew damn well the kind of pain it would cause me and that was absolutely the last thing he wanted.

After about five minutes, with I'm not sure how much in, he began to stroke which sent jolts of pleasure through my body. It wasn't just the constant contact with my prostate, he was so big he hit every nerve cluster in my ass without even trying. As I moaned, he began to work his hips, focusing on my reaction to various ways he moved, figuring out rapidly that moving to the left would elicit the best response and he was quickly rewarded with his prize, my second orgasm of the night. It wasn't a big load by any means, but I was shocked there was anything left in me.

What I did not feel, as I came down from the high, was his nut inside me, but I did feel something else, his pubic hair on my ass. He'd done the same thing Bruce had done to me, used an orgasm to go all the way in. But, unlike Bruce, he was touching something inside me that felt amazing.

He bent down to kiss me, once again very deeply and taking full possession of my mouth. There wasn't any hesitation, this was complete and total confidence on the part of a man regarding his abilities. And he was absolutely right. My poor body was delivering so much information to my brain I thought it was going to melt down, that I might actually pass out. I read later about people having such intense orgasms that they suffered from short term amnesia. I know if I'd known about that at the time, I'd have been thinking 'Well, here it comes. He's going to make me stupid'.

As he kissed me he was changing position and speed just enough and then something happened that made us both moan. While I didn't know it at the time, I'd relaxed enough for him to slide the head of his dick into my sigmoid colon and the pleasure it was delivering to him was the most intense he'd ever felt. He'd done that a number of times, he later told me, but it never felt so intensely good before. For my part, I moaned so loudly, so deeply, he was sure I'd come again. To be honest, I'm pretty sure I did, but I don't think I really recognized it as the time.

He quickly picked up pace, but still working just shallow strokes and kissing me furiously until he gasped and roared, suddenly stopping and holding still deep inside me. If I'd had anything left, I think I would have cum again just from the sounds he was making, they were so intense and primal.

As he came down from his nut, he collapsed onto me, kissing me softly. We layed like that for just a few minutes before he got up and went into the bathroom, returning with a wet towel. I was completely spent and could barely move, overwhelmed with the the intensity of what had happened. I didn't even register him talking to me as he came back until he put his hand on my side to move me over.

"Babe, I'm just going to clean you up a bit," was all he said as he moved me gently and began to wipe up the excess residue of our lovemaking. Once he was done, he disappeared back into the bathroom, then came back in and climbed in bed behind me, pulling me close to him.

"Are you OK?" he asked, softly, and I felt his breath on the back of my neck as he held me.

"Uh huh," was all I could manage before I faded out, spent and satisfied with what had happened.

At some point in the night, I woke up, needing to pee and relieve some pressure inside me. I tried to pull away but his arm gripped me tighter, holding me to him.

"Babe, I have to go to the bathroom," I told him which prompted a groan and a lift of the arm. I climbed out of bed, and quickly made my way into the bathroom where I, unfortunately, audibly relieved myself. I cleaned up and walked back into the bedroom, the light from the bathroom proved just strong enough to see him smiling at me from the bed.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you but I really needed to..."

"... take a shit?" he finished, with a wicked grin, which made me smile.

I got back in bed and kissed him before turning around so he could spoon me once more. I sighed deeply and then felt him give me a kiss, right on the back of my neck, and say, "I love you."

I mumbled out, "I love you, too," as I once again fell asleep.

That morning, I woke a little after seven only to find him gone from the bed. I got up to pee, then set an alarm on my phone for 830. I needn't have bothered since less than 30 minutes later, he was shaking me gently awake, very sweaty and very pumped from the gym.

"Hey," he said, as he bent down to kiss me.

"Good morning"I mumbled, blinking myself awake. "You went to the gym today?"

"Yeah, Mark woke me up early and we went to get a quick workout. I was kind of hoping you might find it sexy."

Of course, I did. His smell just did something to me, especially when he was sweaty. It was clean and smelled like a man who'd just exerted himself, not like someone who'd forgotten to wear deodorant. We ended up making love again, but since I was still pretty open, he was able to get in easily and we both came together with him deep inside me, touching that place that made my whole body tingle.

We gently and lovingly cleaned each other up in the shower, then straightened up the room and pulled the sheets off the bed. As we walked into the kitchen, Mark was there making something to eat and looked over at me grinning.

"And you thought I just wanted to play Halo..." he said with a chuckle.

"Well, I'm really glad you didn't." I responded. I noticed the time, just before nine, and I told him goodbye and Toby walked me out. We kissed for a long time, then I made my way down the drive to walk home. It was a really nice morning, not humid and still cool from the night before. By the time I got home, I was humming and reveling in how good I felt.

I quickly got in the kitchen and got something to eat. Cat was upstairs getting ready and my father was dealing with something in his office so I was alone with myself. Until we got in the car to drive to Ouichita.

My father had decided to let me drive which I was happy with. We got onto the tollway and he looked back to see Cat in the back seat, reading something while listening to her iPod. He then turned back, but stopped to look at me.

"OK, we need to talk."

I glanced over at him, unsure where he was going but I had a sneaking suspicion about the topic of discussion.

"OK, what do you want to know?" I asked flatly, acknowledging that he knew something and letting him know that I was ready to spill.

"I know how guys are, especially your age. I know how I was. I'm not dumb enough to think you and Mark played video games after your date last night. I also know you've had sex and I'm pretty sure you and Toby finally broke the seal last night."

"Broke the seal?"I asked with a grin.

"Don't be cute."

"I swear I'm not trying to be, it's just an expression I haven't heard before. If you're asking if we had sex last night, yes. We had wanted to wait until we were sure of one another."

"No regrets?" he asked.

"No sir."

"OK. Look, again, I'm not stupid. I knew this was going to happen at some point and it's at least easier than it would be with Cat since neither of you can get pregnant," he said, letting out a small laugh and I smiled at him. "What I don't like is the sneaking around. Now, was that your idea or his?"

Oh, shit. "His. I didn't know what he and Mark had planned until after he picked me up."

"So, when Mark texted you yesterday..."

"I had no idea what was going on. I thought Mark just wanted to play games and spend some time with me. We usually have a good time when we've been able to hang out."

"Alright, why didn't they tell you about it?"

"They didn't want to put me in a position to have to lie to you. They both know me well enough at this point to know I don't lie well so they took the possibility out."

My father laughed a bit at that, "Smart. I just wanted to make sure of that. I'll talk to Toby about the other. I don't want y'all having to sneak around and I want to make sure..."

"We were safe, Dad. I promise. As much as I love and trust him, I don't want to take the risk." Again, I left unsaid. I knew we'd get there, but I also knew it wasn't right yet. After Kurt, I needed to feel it was right, not just OK.

We talked a little more about things that were going on, current events mostly. He wasn't at all happy with President Obama and the Republicans in Congress. He thought the Republicans were children and the President was far too academic. My father was a Republican, but he wasn't a mouthbreather. And over the months prior he'd started pulling away from candidates who were anti-gay. I never asked him about it, but I knew what it was... he wasn't going to reward someone with a contribution who spent time beating the shit out of his son.

The drive went quickly and we were at MoMo's just a little after 11. We talked with her for a while and she had birthday presents for me she insisted couldn't be opened until the morning of my birthday, except one which I had to open there.

I unwrapped the box and beneath the paper was a green box with a ROLEX logo on it. Inside was my grandfather's watch. I looked at my grandmother, then at my father, then back down at the watch shaking my head.

"MoMo, this is too much. Shouldn't this go to daddy or Uncle Don?"

"No. Your grandfather wanted you to have it. I've talked to your father about it, and we both decided it was time." She paused, clearly a little emotional. "Your grandfather loved you very much and always said you were special. He said in his will he wanted you to have something you'd look at every day that reminded you of him."

I was pretty overwhelmed. Despite being the oldest grandchild, my grandfather hadn't really doted on me, he wasn't that sort of guy. But we were close. He loved coming to my games, whether it was football, soccer, or baseball. We had long conversations about super heroes (he was very much a Superman guy, I was more into Batman... and he had very definitive opinions on the Marvel and DC universes, which I'll leave for another day since it would literally eat up pages). What he loved most was taking me out to the ranch on Saturday mornings to help him with things. Of course, it meant we had to get doughnuts and coffee (black for him, a ton of milk and sugar for me) and then lunch at a barbecue place he liked.

Those were the memories of him I cherished. I can still hear his laugh which was always present when he'd been drinking, which was often, especially when he had friends in town. He was a tough negotiator and businessman, but he always treated his employees well and made sure if they had a problem that it would get handled. When he died, his will forgave all debts owed to the company by employees that amounted to less than $10,000, then gave everyone a months pay.

He wasn't known for suffering fools gladly, but he always had a smile on his face and a kind word for anyone he'd encounter. He was also a scratch golfer and he tried to impart his love of the game to me, but he failed since I really just enjoyed riding around in the cart with him and taking an occasional sip of the Coors beer which was always in the cart. It was the only time he drank beer, I think if the club rules would have allowed him to install a minibar in the cart, he'd have done it.

One thing I was sure of is that he knew I was gay long before I'd even hit puberty. He never had a nasty word for homosexuals and always told me when I got older that the hardest thing I would do is be myself. I never really understood it until I looked down at that watch. He knew me and he loved me.

I'd been staring down at the watch the whole time I'd been thinking and finally looked up at my grandmother and father, who was also a little red eyed.

"Thank you for this. It means a lot to me."

"Well, you're welcome."

We talked a little more and then got up to leave. My father and MoMo were going to eat lunch after they dropped us off at mother and Neils. As I got out of the car, I opened her door, reached in and gave her a big hug, while I whispered, "Thank you again, MoMo."

As I walked to the door, mother came out and waved at my father and MoMo, then hugged Cat and I. Lunch today was just family, so we talked about what had been going on the previous week and we caught everyone up on our romantic lives. Well, that was mostly Cat.

Mother and I took a walk after lunch and I told her what happened which Toby. Considering what had gone on around the Fourth of July, she was really calm and I told her we were safe. I also told her that I was really excited for her to meet him the next week, and she was as well. She'd already planned to have a sort of mini-party so my friends could have a chance to meet him that afternoon.

Lane and Josh asked how the rest of the night went so I gave them the details from after we parted. I got into a little more detail than I had with mother, simply because I felt more comfortable talking to them about it.

Josh was apprehensive as I finished, "So, how do you feel today?"

I sat back on his bed, my arms stretched behind me, "I feel good. I feel connected with him in a much deeper way now and I'm glad we waited before jumping into bed." I paused for just a second, then looked directly at Josh, "He's the one for me. I felt it the night we met and every single thing he's done has reinforced that."

Lane spoke up at that point, "Yeah, I felt that at dinner last night. He gets you like Cat and Josh do and it's really amazing to see. I'm happy for you both."

Josh smiled at me, "I am, too. I was so prepared to go on the defensive last night that Lane had to talk me down on the way to the restaurant. All that died when he talked about the why he wanted to beat up Kurt."

"Yeah, I'm going to have to work on him about that. I'm also going to tell him the whole story this week."

Lane raised his eyebrows, "You sure that's a good idea?" he asked.

Josh snorted, "Of course it is. I'd want to know if something like that had happened to you. I still hope I never meet your father because I'd like to do far worse to him than I did to Kurt."

"And therein lies the problem. I think Toby will react the same way when I tell him and I don't want that..."

"After what Kurt did, what he put you through, why the hell not? Why wouldn't you want to see more pain and suffering come his way?" Josh asked.

"Because it just hurts us, hurts our souls. It's needless vengeance for a wrong that's already been righted. You don't continuously punish a dog for shitting on the floor, you do it once then wait for the next time. It's the same thing. At some point you have to let it go or it starts to poison you."

Lane said, softly, "Rob, are you OK?"

I weakly smiled over at him, through watery eyes, "Yeah, I'm fine. Toby beating the shit out of him would just reopen the whole wound in me from what was one of the most painful times in my life. I don't need that, I don't want that. What you did, while it felt good at the time, WAS AT THE TIME and it was enough. It was actually too much but I can't and won't fault you for it. Piling on still more just brings it all back up and emotionally it's devastating. All it'll end up doing is tearing me up."

Josh cleared this throat, "Then you have to tell him all that, just like that. You have to remind him what's best for you and that will help him focus and come back to earth." He stopped, staring out the window.

"Josh?"

He looked back at me, tears running down his cheeks as his face betrayed the guilt he was feeling, "I wasn't focused on you that night. I was focused on hurting him. I was doing it because of what he did to you, but that wasn't the only reason... I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to break him down. I wanted to give him a memory he'd carry with him forever. In so doing, I dealt out a $1000 beating for a $100 crime." Lane walked over to where he was sitting and rubbed his back.

Josh continued, lifted somewhat by the comfort, "I don't think I'm unique. I think Willy is the same way and our strongest desire is to protect the ones we love. If something happens to them, and we didn't or couldn't stop it, the need to act with overwhelming force becomes that much stronger. It's no longer about defense, it's about punishment. I think Toby may be the same way and the only way to get through to him is to tell him how much it'll hurt you."

"That's what I'll do," I told him softly. "Are you ok?"

Josh looked back over at me. "I'm fine," he stopped for a moment, looking up at Lane, "This just brought up some stuff I hadn't thought much about and I need to work on."

Lane reached down to hug Josh as I got up to give the two of them some time alone after telling them I loved them. I looked down at my watch, which no one had mentioned, and saw that it was a little after two. Friends were coming over for a party about five, so I went to my room and laid down on my bed for a little nap, trying to build myself back up. I was, at that point, pretty emotionally unsteady.

I woke up about 315 and went into the kitchen to get something to eat. I'd been doing that a lot lately and was hopeful it meant I was going to grow, taller rather than just wider.

Mother came in a little while later and we stood in the kitchen talking about school and how things were going more generally, outside of my relationship with Toby.

At one point she looked down at my wrist, "I see MoMo finally gave you your grandfather's watch."

I looked at it, then back at her, "Yeah, today for my birthday."

She smiled, "Good. That man loved you very much and he was desperate for you to have something that would help you remember him."

"How did you know?" I asked.

"How did I know that he loved you or that he wanted you to have the watch?" she asked, smiling.

"Let's hear the latter part first," I told her, laughing a bit.

"Oh, that's easy. I was in the room when Williams read the will because I was mentioned in it. He left me that jade chess set he picked up when he went to Hong Kong with your cousin Lawrence."

I vaguely remembered the trip, he brought me a remote controlled boat that I absolutely loved.

"He knew I was gay, didn't he?"

She sighed, looking down at her hands, "In hindsight, yeah, I'm pretty sure he did. He always said you were special. I remembered when he was in the hospital, right before he died, I'd gone to visit him one afternoon when I didn't have anything else to do and we had a really good talk.

He told me he wanted to make sure you were never afraid to be who you were. I told him I'd make sure of that. And he looked at me with this intensity I'd never seen from him and he said, 'It's not going to be easy for him, but things are getting better. Just make sure.' That was the last conversation we ever had."

"He never said anything about Cat?" I asked.

She laughed, "Of course he did. He just didn't worry about her as much and they didn't have the same relationship. He loved you both, he just knew you needed more of him. It's funny...", and she looked away.

"What's funny?" I asked.

She looked back at me and smiled, "The way the two of you are with one another. You were so protective of her, still are, but she's that way with you, too. And it has everything to do with who you are as a person. You remember that day you had your deposition with the lawyers?"

"Oh how can I forget?"I replied, sarcastically.

"Well, that night when I came in to tell her goodnight, Cat said something to me that really surprised me..."

"What,"I asked.

"She told me she was worried about you and Kurt. I told her you were more than capable of dealing with someone like Kurt, and she said "Yeah, but it's not in his nature. He deserves better and Kurt isn't it". I just sat there on her bed, looking at her because, for me, she'd just put into words a thought that had been in the back of my head for more than two months."

"What did you tell her?"

She laughed, "I told her not to worry, that you had a good head on your shoulders and that you could definitely take care of yourself. She wasn't having it, though, "Mom, you know that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. Rob's pure. He pisses me off a lot because of it, but I love him anyway. Someone like Kurt is nothing but a drain on someone like Rob, and it's got to be stopped.""

At this point, I started to laugh, "Josh must have talked to her."

"Nope. This was her. Your grandfather always said you were the best of both your father and me and Cat thought so as well. At some point she overheard it and asked your grandfather what it meant. I was livid and not about to help him, not that he needed it. He just told her, 'Honey, you know how you feel about your brother? Now, imagine having thousands of people feeling that way about him all the time. It's overwhelming. He needs people like me, your mom and dad, and YOU to be strong for him when he can't be. Without us, he can't live the life he needs to live and without him, we can't live the lives we want to live. You're the most special out of us all, because God made the two of you so close.' "

"Oh, wow... "

"Yeah... Kiddo, he knew how you were wired up before we did and he talked to both me and your father about it a number of times. He was a really smart man and, again, he loved you very much. He just had a different relationship with you than he did with, well, pretty much anyone else."

It was getting close to four so we started getting ready for the party. By 445, Willy and Brent were there with Alan, who'd been kind enough to drive them since Willy's dad was getting increasingly worried about him being out on his vocational license after hours.

I filled them in what had been happening with school and left out 'Oh, yeah, I had sex last night and it was awesome' discussion, knowing they'd not want to have it. Well, at least Willy and Alan wouldn't. Brent, from the smile on his face, already knew.

We were outside, swimming, when a cold front started to blow through. It wasn't really that much colder, but it definitely took away the desire to stay in the pool. I could feel the drip in the back of my throat, telling me I was allergic to something that was whipping through the air, but I tried my best to put it behind me.

We ended up eating, then saying our goodbyes until next week. I knew next week there'd be more people but I also knew the week after that, it would about like it is now, just our closest friends. Honestly, I kind of thought I might like it better that way, more relaxed, especially since my mother already thought of Willy and Brent as part of the family.

We got back to Dallas in record time and I went up to my room to down some meds in the hope I could shake off the cold I could already feel coming on. When I came back into my room, I decided I needed to talk to Cat.

I knocked gently at her door, which got an uncharacteristically soft, "come in."

"Hey Cat, how are you doing after everything today?" I asked her, pushing the door open and propping myself up by the frame.

"I'm fine, why?" she asked, not even taking a break from makeup removal.

"I just thought you might be a little bummed after the thing with the watch today..."

She sighed, rolling her eyes like it was the dumbest question she'd ever heard. "Rob, why would I be upset about grandfather's watch when I can wear it whenever I want just by asking you? Besides, he gave me something special before he died."

I perked up,"What?"

"Can't tell you. Not yet. At least, not until I turn 16."

And suddenly, I realized what it was. "He gave you his old Mercedes, didn't he?"

She smiled at me, then turned around and said only "Good night."

Cat had loved that car and of all the cars my grandfather owned, it was his favorite. The damn thing was an antique, a 1970 Mercedes 280SE convertible, which my grandfather bought when my father was born. It was a pretty curious purchase for my grandfather who at that point was pushing forty and who had just had his first child. Still, for him it was a symbol of the success it had taken him so long to achieve, an impractical and expensive car that he'd had his eye on for a while. Never mind the bullshit flying from some of the old timers about buying shit off the Germans (I mean, come on, at that point World War 2 was more than 25 years in the past), HE wanted it and by God, he had the money for it. And for the kid.

He ended up buying a sedan as well for my grandmother to drive, which lasted about four months before it was traded in for a Cadillac. SHE definitely had her own ideas about cars.

It wasn't curious at all that would be my grandfather's gift to my sister. I knew it had to be going to someone since the damn thing had been sitting under a tarp in storage since he'd died. I had no idea how much it was worth, nor did I care. It relieved me of some of the guilt I was feeling about the watch and it also gave Cat something to look forward to since, in a little more than 2 years, she'd probably be driving the damn thing.

I woke up the next day with a bit of cold, but nothing too bad. I medicated myself and made sure I had stuff for throughout the day and went on to school. The one thing I was focused on, come hell or high water, was taking my driving test and there was no way my father would have allowed that if I'd stayed home sick.

At breakfast, my father, Cat and Mrs. Witsun gave me a wonderful birthday serenade and stack of well buttered and syruped waffles with candles in them. We'd already agreed we'd go out to dinner that night so this morning wasn't supposed to be a big deal.

About 815 Toby showed up and, after being reminded by my father that he'd pick me up at three for the thousandth time, we took off for school.

We found a space in student parking and he leaned over to kiss me, causing me to pull back. With a confused look on his face, he asked, "What's wrong?"

I cleared my throat, realizing I was fighting a losing battle, "Babe, I'm sick and I'm not about to get you sick. The only thing keeping me going right now is cold medicine and my driving test."

He broke into a warm smile, then leaned in again and before I could pull away, got his kiss. "I'm not worried about a little cold." He stopped, just looking into my eyes for a second, "I got you something."

He reached behind him and brought out a little Burberry bag, which he handed to me. I made short work of the inside to find the wallet that was there, a very cool London check that I'd never told him I wanted, but really did.

"How did you know?" I asked him, eyes moist with the allergies. Yeah, it was all allergies.

"Saturday night, when you took out your wallet, I noticed it was Burberry. I'd thought it was Coach and that's what I got you, but once I knew that I had feeling you'd like another. I mean, I've already seen the way you are about Vans." He finished with a laugh. "So, I went to NorthPark yesterday and took care of it."

"Babe, this is way too much..."

"No, it's not."

"OK, I'm not going to argue with you," I said, trying to be agreeable. Then I leaned over to kiss him, and when I pulled back, told him, "Thank you, and I love it!"

"That's all I wanted, babe," he said, his incandescent smile lighting up my chest.

I got out so he could head to West. After waiving bye to him, I walked into school and met up with the other kids in the cafetorium. A few people knew it was my birthday, so as soon as I got it from one, I got it from five or six others along with the question of the driving test.

As we walked to English, Seth asked if I knew what I was getting and I just said, "I hope a license. I'll worry about a car later."

The day passed, slowly and frustratingly. I know it was because I was sick, there was just no way around that. I always got this way when I was ill, just impossible to be around and cranky as hell. Luckily I didn't snap too many times and, at three, the office called me up and I went with my father to take my test.

I could see from the look on his face he knew I was sick. He didn't make a big deal of it, signing me out and we went to the car. As I buckled up, he reached over and felt my forehead.

"Well, it doesn't feel too hot."

"It's not. I'm pretty well medicated, but I know I'm going down for the count after dinner. I just wanted to make it through today and get this over with."

He laughed, "And you thought there was no way I'd let you take the test if you stayed home from school?"

Which caused me to turn quickly to him, "Tell me I was wrong."

"Nah, you nailed it," he responded, smiling. "OK, let's go get your license."

The drive over to the DPS office didn't take too long and ninety minutes later, I was in the Escalade with an officer. The whole thing took about thirty minutes and at the end, I got my temporary. My father tossed me the keys to the Escalade as we walked back out and said, "It's yours for a year. If you drive it a year without an accident that's more than fender bender, we'll see about getting you something else. You can put your gas on the card I gave you and we'll settle it up at the end of the month, OK?"

I just stopped, literally, in the parking lot. I was looking at the car, thinking about what he was saying, the test, everything. I had a license and something to drive was all I could really comprehend, and I just started to cry. At some point, my father stopped and looked back at me.

"Rob, what's wrong?"

I just ran up to him and hugged him as tightly as I could.

"Nothing," I said through the emotion I was feeling, "Thank you for doing this for me and I promise I'll take good care of it."

My father hugged me back, then whispered "You're welcome, kiddo."

We both straightened up a bit, then got in the car to go to the house. When we got there, he gave me the insurance card I needed and told me a copy was in the glove box in the Escalade just in case. We were only there about five minutes when Toby showed up, freshly showered from practice and carrying another gift. My father let him in and they both came into the kitchen. I could tell he was nervous, but I didn't know why.

"What's wrong," I asked.

He straightened up, "Nothing, I hope. How did it go?"

I looked over at my father and asked, "You didn't tell him?", which prompted a smile and a shake of the head.

I walked over to Toby and stopped right in front of him. I could feel the tension coming off him as I think he was sure I'd failed.

"I passed", was all I said, looking at him expressionless.

"Oh, babe, it's not a big... Wait, did you say you passed?" I nodded back at him. He grabbed him into a hug and swung me around, finally letting me down, "Why did you look so glum?"

"I'm not really. I didn't realize I was doing it. I think it's just the cold."

My father cleared his throat, "I'm going to grab Cat and then let's eat."

Toby put his hand to my forehead and said, "Oh, babe, you really don't feel good, do you?"

I smiled weakly up at him, "I'll make it. I'm just glad you're here," I said as I reached to hug him again. It just felt so good, I didn't want to let go. One of those moments, lost in time, that have a way of burning themselves into your memory.

My father reappeared with Cat not long after and we went to eat at Del Friscos. It wasn't the most festive birthday, since the birthday boy felt pretty much like death warmed up, but everyone seemed to enjoy it including Toby who had a contest with my father to see who could eat more (Toby, by a dessert).

I spent the next two days at home, filled with so much cold medicine I thought my head would explode. Toby developed a little bit of a scratchy throat Wednesday evening but after doping up and going to bed early, he was right as rain Thursday.

We met after therapy for me, practice for him, and went immediately to the JV game. Luckily, he actually wanted to go since he had so many friends playing JV, like Ethan and Seth. Plus, the games were never really crowded, not like the varsity games, so we could relax and be together. In public, we may not have been obnoxious but it was clear to anyone who glanced our way we were together. Toby could be a little over the top at times, usually when he sensed someone staring at us, or at least that was the excuse he used. I just thought that occasionally he needed to remind me I was his and he was mine. At any rate, I never complained.

When the game wrapped up, I went home and after a brief conversation with my mother and Josh, fell into a really deep sleep. It wasn't dreamless, if anything, the dreams were vivid and they were all wonderful. Before I woke up, the last one I had was of Toby and me, in his car with him driving, heading down Central to what I assumed was a party. I woke up from my alarm just as we were getting off the freeway. I don't know why, but at the time I felt fantastic. My sinuses were clear and my energy level was back to normal.

That Friday was unremarkable, as was the game later that night. We once again went and ate with his teammates after, then went to a party at someone's house. It was a completely typical Friday night and it just felt good. By one, I was walking up stairs to my room, still very much feeling Toby's hands on my body and loving every second of it.

That Saturday, we stayed in since he was going with us to Ouichita tomorrow. We ate dinner with his family, then watched a movie with his parents before I came home. During the week, he'd asked four times about 'The Whole Kurt Story' and I promised I would tell him, but we never got around to it. I hoped against hope it wouldn't come up until I'd had a chance to talk to him.

That Sunday, I got up, cleaned up, dressed and went downstairs about nine. I went into the kitchen to find Toby and my father eating breakfast together, talking about something. Toby got up and gave me a kiss, then sat back down as I got breakfast.

"What were you guys talking about?" I asked.

My father wiped his mouth as he responded, "Last weekend. I've told Toby how I feel about sneaking around and he understands." Which prompted furious head nods from Toby.

"OK, but you also know we're sexually active. We don't exactly want to be ostentatious about it with you..."

"I don't expect you to be. I think there are plenty of ways for you to be subtle without having lie to me about where you are."

"But I didn't, I was at Marks," I said, smiling back at him.

He returned my smile, clearly understanding where my head was, "Don't be cute. Maybe this time you were, but my point is crystal clear."

"OK, does this mean Toby can sleep over occasionally?" I wanted to see how far I could push this.

"Maybe at some point, but I'm not ready to have that discussion yet." He looked at his watch, then said, "I'm going to work on something real quick. We're leaving here at 10."

"Yes sir," Toby and I said, in unison.

After my father had walked off I asked him, "How bad was it?"

He looked over at me, a sly grin on his face, "Not bad at all and I get where he's coming from. I think the only thing that saved my ass from blistering was that we really were at Marks. Honestly, he's handling it really well."

"He wants us to be responsible, about more than just sex. I'm not really all that surprised."

Toby looked at me quizzically, "How do you mean?"

"I mean he likes you as a person and I'm certain he likes you with me. He knows you're not an asshole and he realizes that even last weekend, you engineered it so I wouldn't be put into a position to lie to him. I know he respects that because it shows how much you care for me and my relationship with him.

And we're totally christening my room at the first opportunity."

We ended up cleaning up breakfast after and made sure to leave enough out for Cat who showed up at 945 to eat. At ten my father reappeared and he took Cat with him while Toby rode with me. I'd told my father there were some things Toby and I needed to discuss on the way home, so he agreed to stay in Ouichita and then pick up Cat when it was time for us to head home.

On the drive down we talked a little, but not a lot. He was pretty calm, or at least seemed that way. By the time he got to my grandmother's he was almost chipper.

My grandmother was remarkably nice to Toby and while she had problems with us being boyfriends, she was genuine with him, at one point pulling him aside and telling him that he better treat me very well.

The nervousness didn't set in until we were on the way to mother and Neils. At one point, Cat and I were both telling him to relax, that mother was going to love him.

Before we were even parked, my mother was out the door with Neil waiting on us to get out of the truck. I ran and grabbed Toby's hand and walked over to them, releasing it to give my mother a hug while Toby and Neil shook hands. When we parted, my mother looked at Toby, then wrapped him in a hug as well. She whispered something in his ear, but I never found out what it was... neither of them would ever tell me. Whatever passed between them, when they parted they were both all smiles.

We went in and sat down for lunch after Josh and Lane came in. Mother sat at one end of the table, Neil at the other. Cat and I were opposite one another close to mother and Toby was next to me with Lane to right, across from Josh. The conversation was good, with Toby telling Neil and my mother about himself and some of the things we'd been up to. Cat told stories about Reese, who was clearly beginning to warm up her cold heart, and who mother insisted she had to meet as soon as possible.

For my part, I was as calm as I think I've ever been. I really felt good, centered, since I was surrounded by the people I love and it was clear they were going to like Toby at least as much as I did.

After lunch, we stayed and cleaned up while Toby and my mother went for a walk. I was nervous for him, but I knew he could handle it. She knew he was important to me and I'd made her promise me, earlier in the week, not to be unnecessarily rough on him.

Josh, Lane, and I disappeared into Josh's room to talk and play games. Josh asked at one point if we'd had the 'The Talk' and I told him we hadn't yet, but that I was planning for it tonight.

Maybe an hourlater, mother knocked on the door and asked to talk to me. I got up and followed her to my room, asking where Toby was.

"He's helping Neil with some things, I wanted to give us some time to talk," she said, smiling.

"I take it from your smile you really like him?"

She sighed, "Yeah, but not just from the talk. Do you know he looks at you on the sly when you're distracted?"

"Yeah, Lane said something about it last weekend after we had dinner."

She was beaming at this point, "It's one of the cutest things I've ever seen, it's like he has to make sure you're still there and that everything is still real. He has the slightest grin on when he does it."

I cleared my throat, still not completely free of the aftereffects of my cold, "You didn't tell him you saw him, did you?"

"Oh, God, no! It's just one of those things you can't fake and it was clear as day how much he loves you."

"So you approve?"

"Would it change anything if I didn't?" she asked, completely serious.

"Yes ma'am, it would. I wouldn't break up with him immediately, but I'd like to know why you thought the way you did and then I'd probably see if I could figure out if what upset you was serious or if it was something trivial. I love him, mom, there's no way around that. But I love and respect you and your judgment."

"Well, you've nothing to worry about. I really do like him. He's smart, witty, and very much in love with you. If he has a fault, it's that he's almost too earnest but I think that was just him being nervous. He's so desperate not to make a mistake..."

"He was more nervous about meeting you than he was meeting daddy."

She laughed at that, "Any idea why?"

"He knows how much I love you. At the time he met daddy, I was still angry about the move. Plus, he read daddy to a T... big jock football player with a good head on his shoulders is just the thing for his baby boy, if he HAS to be a homo."

That really got a laugh out of my mother. I continued, "With you, he knows how close we are and he knows the backstory going back to when daddy moved out. He knows how much I value your opinion. I don't blame him for being nervous."

"Well, I don't either," she said, as she walked over to give me a hug with glistening eyes. "He's a good guy and so far I love the way he treats you. If that changes..."

"I'll walk away. Trust me on that."

"I know, sugar. You've grown up a lot more in the last year than I would have liked, but in the end it's been for the best. You've always been a good person and what you've been through didn't beat that out of you, it made you stronger. It's hard for me to put into words how proud I am of the man you're becoming," she finished, hugging me tightly.

"Thanks mom," I said, through my own tears.

Mother pulled back, straightening up a bit, "Now, let's go see what Neil is doing to him and make sure HE still wants to stick around."

We walked through the house and out to the patio where the outside kitchen was. Toby was scrubbing down the grill grates while Neil was washing them off with a hose.

Neil just looked over at us, "I get now why Trautman hates cleaning these damn things. We need to start taking them off and running them through the washer after we use it."

I walked over to Toby who was almost done scrubbing down the last grate.

"You OK?" I asked.

He looked up, smiling at me, "Yeah, I'm used to helping my dad with the grill. Of course, it's not like the set up Neil has here, but cleaning is still cleaning."

We started bringing the food out and a little while later the guests started to arrive. I introduced people to Toby, who ended up being a far bigger hit with my friends than I ever would have thought. Willy and Brent at one point late in the afternoon told me I had their permission to marry him. I'd been most worried about them being protective, not in terms of scaring him off but in terms of continuously drilling home the point that they would seek revenge if he hurt me. I asked him about it at one point, after we'd been separated for a while, and he just said he'd gotten it from a few guys, but that everyone was really cool.

I breathed a sigh of relief, not because I didn't like them thinking about me, but because it told me they were being at least a little more subtle than I thought they would be.

Toby just smiled at me, sensing the relief, then put his arms around my waist and looked down into my eyes, "They love you, Rob. I'd expect nothing less than the warnings I've been given."

I grabbed his head and brought him down a quick kiss, then let him go so we could return to the party. As soon as I turned around I saw Darnell looking at me and smiling. I walked over him, Toby in tow, and asked if they'd met.

"Yeah, and I like him," was his response. Then, "You mind if we talk one on one for a second?"

I looked over at Toby and he just nodded with a smilie, walking off toward Josh who was in the middle of a story about me surfing which he embellished substantially (I'd heard that one before... it was bout an alleged wipe out that didn't happen. Well, at least not the way it did in Josh's story.).

I looked back at Darnell, "What's up, man?"

He looked down at his feet for a second, then brought his head back up. "I didn't get it before, the whole gay thing. I mean, I'm cool with it and you, and it's important that you know that. I don't want you to ever think I've doubted our friendship."

"But..." I asked smiling back at him.

He sheepishly replied, "I just didn't understand how you could be into a guy like I'm into a chick. Or how he could be into you. After today, seeing the two of you together, I get it."

"Do you think it's because you were too focused on the gay thing?" I asked.

And it was like a lightbulb went off in his head, "Yeah, that was it. I was too fixated on that, and not on the fact that it's a relationship just like any other. You love him, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do."

"And I'm sure after hanging out with him today he loves you, too. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that and that I'm sorry for making this about something it really never was."

I reached out to hug him and told him thanks.

The party died down about 730 and the last of the people left about 815. It gave us enough time to help cleanup and say goodbye to my family before my father showed up. And yeah, it feels weird writing that because my father is also my family, but it just makes more sense to me that way.

We said goodbye and got in the Escalade for the drive home. Cat and my father sped off before I could even get the truck to the road which I was glad of since I wanted to do this at my own speed and in a controlled environment. The previous week would have been the perfect time, but for my birthday and getting sick. This, I'd decided, was it.

We stopped and got sodas before hitting the freeway and when we got on the road, I was locked up in my head. I knew what I needed to say, but I couldn't make the words come out. And then I felt Toby's hand on my thigh and I looked over at him to see him smiling and nodding his head, as if to say, 'It's OK.'

I took a sip of my drink and started, "What I need to tell you is the story about Kurt. I've avoided it because it was a really dark time and I just didn't want to relive it. I lied and told myself that it was for the best, that telling you all of it would just get you angry but that's bullshit. I was protecting myself and I can't do that, not with you, because I don't need to.

I need you to promise me you'll listen to me and understand how I feel when I ask you not to act on what I'm going to tell you. I know it may not do any good, but I hope you'll take me at my word when I tell you that doing anything to him will just make me feel horrible, hollowed out and sad, not because of him but because it just reopens the whole thing and I don't want to basically relive the worst time of my life. OK?"

He cleared his throat, "I promise. I have to tell you, I may get emotional and it may upset you but I promise I won't be upset with you, OK?" I nodded back to him, "I'll respect what you want."

I started to tell him basically about everything that happened from the trip to Darren's lake house until I got the final all clear. I'd thought it would be easier, given the distance I had on it, but it wasn't and I'm pretty sure it was because I was letting the man I loved more than anyone know how weak and foolish I had been.

I was scared. I knew he loved me, but I gave him cutting me loose pretty good odds.

Throughout the story, he asked questions, which I answered if I could or told him to wait if it was something that would come up later. I got through most of it without tears which was surprising. Time had stripped away the clinical veneer and now all that was left was the fear, frustration, and sadness; the open wound of a memory that hadn't quite healed over.

Toby's reaction was, muted, at first. He asked a few questions about the PEP and about the tests. He didn't know there was anything like PEP or that a test could detect HIV so early. We got through most of that, and he grabbed for my hand.

"I love you, no matter what. You were honest with me about him cheating and I know how horrible this must have been for you and why didn't want to talk about it. The thought of losing you..." and he broke down and cried. I'd seen him emotional before, but never like this with his hand over his face, trying to shield his distress from me.

I reached over and rubbed his back and put my hand on the back of his head, playing with his hair. It always calmed me, and I thought it might work for him. By the time we got home, he was pretty composed. We got out of the truck and I walked him to his car. He hugged me tightly, then pulled back.

"I'm going to need a few days to take this all in, OK?"

I nodded, tears welling in my eyes, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just didn't want to relive it. I know it was wrong and I hope you'll forgive me."

He got a pained look on his face as he grasped my shoulders, staring directly into my eyes.

"Babe, I get it and there's nothing to forgive. I made a promise to you and now I need to work on that. I also need to work on how I deal with even the idea of losing you. I promise, I just need some time, but it's not because you didn't share this with me before." He then gave me a small but sweet kiss, and opened the door to his car. He got in, waived goodbye, and then drove off, leaving my standing there hoping like hell I hadn't just made the biggest mistake of my life.

Thanks for reading! Any comments can be sent to doncornelius69 at yahoo dot com.

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