This story is a work of fiction. None of the characters are real and any similarities between this story and/or any characters in it and real life is purely coincidental.
THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF CONSENSUAL SEXUAL ACTS BETWEEN TEENAGE MALES. IT IS INTENDED FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE ONLY! IF YOU FIND THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL OFFENSIVE, OR IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, OR UNDER THE LEGAL AGE TO VIEW SUCH MATERIAL THEN PLEASE READ NO FURTHER.
The author retains the copyright, and any other rights, to this original story. You may not publish it or any part of it without explicit authorization from me.
"... at the going down of the sun and in the morning, We will remember them." Ode of Remembrance, taken from For The Fallen
July, 2012
So much has happened in the almost four years since I started seventh grade that writing this seems kind of trite, as if the memories and stories I have to tell are worth so much more than ink and paper. My psychiatrist thinks it'll help me process all that's happened. In her words, for only being sixteen, I've had what she calls a 'big life'. It's been eventful and those events have not always been good. One in particular, which happened such a short time ago that it still hurts like a knife twisting in my chest every time my mind so much as glances at the memory, is the reason I'm seeing a psychiatrist.
I came out just after my fifteenth birthday and that event became the catalyst for my father being awarded primary custody of me and my sister. The judge adjudicating my parents custody battle spent months trying to find another way, but with my mothers engagement to a man whose son, one year older than me and one of my closest friends, was gay and whom my father and his attorney accused of leading me to homosexuality... well, let's just say the decision by a small town judge was entirely predictable. While my father may have thought he was protecting me, he was actually making sure I went down the path he absolutely didn't want me to travel.
The trouble in my family started the summer before sixth grade. While mother took my sister and I to Disney World, my father was moving out of the house into another place. At first, I didn't think it was permanent which was reinforced by my father so I didn't worry overmuch about it. Beside, I had other things on my mind. Sixth grade was the first year we changed for PE and it became clear to me that I cared more how guys looked than girls. Much of it was, I'll grant, nothing more than comparing myself to others. Still, I knew something was different since I didn't really care as much as the other guys did about girls. They all chalked it up to an embarrassment of riches, that since I was cute and always dressed well (thanks, mom!) I had an easy time getting a girl to 'go with me'. There was some truth to that... no one ever turned me down. Of course, since I didn't really pay attention to them, they also didn't stick around long. Who can blame them... I was inadvertently playing on every human insecurity imaginable... I was terrible at compliments and could be badly aloof at all the wrong moments. I made one girl cry just by complimenting another girl on the dress she was wearing at a dance ( I hadn't complimented my date other than to say "You look nice" when I showed up to her house). Someone could have easily misdiagnosed me with Aspergers.
There were also other indications regarding the team I was destined for, like the fact that I found just jerking off with one of my friends WAY more exciting that getting to second base with any girl I was with.
By the summer, I was really looking forward to seventh grade. I was excited about playing football and all summer I'd worked for my dad outside so I'd put on some muscle, tanned my white ass, and had dropped the rest of my baby fat. I also made it known that for my birthday in September all I wanted was for my father to move back home.
I didn't get my wish. In fact, the day of my birthday was when my father let me know it wasn't happening while on the way to 7 am practice. After that, I pretty much gave up on football. I didn't like it anymore. My psychiatrist would tell me my decisions were driven by that event and it made sense as my father loved football and loved watching me play. Subconsciously, I'd made the immature decision to hurt him by giving up something I really liked. That day, all I wanted was for him to drop me at my mothers house so I could stay in bed and cry. Instead, he told me to man up and shoved me out the door to go to practice (you don't want the other guys seeing you like this?, he asked stupidly). Having been friends with just about all of them since elementary, they knew something was wrong despite my best efforts at appearing chipper. I didn't break down, just told them I'd had an argument with my dad and left it at that.
We'd started school two weeks prior and there was a new kid who seemed to take a lot of interest in me. Unlike the feelings I had toward my other friends, this guy made my stomach start to knot up even when he glanced at me. I knew I was gay at that point, but I'd decided I was going to bottle that up, a task made damn near impossible by Josh. He was a year older than me, and within the first two days of school had almost every girl ready to do whatever he wanted. Unfortunately for them, all he wanted was to be friends because he was as queer as a three dollar bill. Now, if you're going to be gay in a small town in Texas, it's a good idea to be big, built, and strong as hell, all of which described Josh. He had a few fights those first two weeks (one guy needed his jaw wired shut after, he let the other go after just breaking his arm) but that ground to a halt after their first football game where Josh, who really did love playing, took the opposing teams QB out of the game with one hit. After that, if you weren't cool with Josh, you could take it up with the football team. The entire team.
Most of the eighth graders didn't really pay attention to our games. One of the few who did was Josh, who'd cheer me on at various times. He was always friendly with me at school and toward the end of September asked me if I'd like to sleep over, an invitation to which I replied with an enthusiastic yes. The smile it brought to his face made me warm all over and if I have to pinpoint the first time I actually fell in love, it would be that moment with that beautiful guy. He was already 5' 10" and I was barely 5'5". The difference in weight was even more dramatic...soaking wet I was a solid 120 pounds while Josh was easily 190. Where my abs were lightly etched into my abdomen, his were cut, like cobblestones sitting right underneath his perfect skin.
That Friday I was pretty nervous. Usually on Fridays we went to the varsity football game and this Friday was no different except that we arrived together and sat together which of course got everyone talking. Being a small town, we weren't nearly as grade stratified... we'd all grown up together and we were all friends. When he got up to go to the concession stand I was mobbed by the girls who all wanted to know if we were going together. I just laughed and said no, we're just friends. When he came back he asked what was going on and one of the girls asked him if we were going out to which he smoothly replied "No, we're just friends. Rob's straight." After he sat back down, he gave me a subtle nudge with this leg and, as I looked up at his face, I saw him smile and wink. At that point I knew Josh cared a lot about me.
After the game, his housekeeper (his father traveled a lot as he was winding down some of his business activities to spend more time with Josh whose mother had died three years before) picked us up and drove us back to the sprawling house Josh's father had built. We raided the kitchen then ensconced ourselves in Josh's room eating, playing games, and talking. We'd been there about thirty minutes when I caught him looking at me. He just blushed and went back to eating potato chips.
"Why'd you lie to Amy", I asked.
"It's not my place to out you, that's gotta be something you decide for yourself. I have to admit I wish you would because I'd be so happy to call you my boyfriend. For now, I'm perfectly happy to settle for friends."
I crawled over to him and got really close. "Who said you have to settle?"
I could feel the hairs on the back of my head stand on end from the tension between the two of us. Desire, mixed with desperate need and anticipation, all thoroughly soaked in the hormonal mix of teenage boys created an almost palpable feeling that was at once completely familiar, yet unnameable.
My entire body tingled as he brought his right hand up to cup my cheek while staring into my eyes with a power I'd never felt before. He gently slid his hand to the back of my head, cupping it and gently tilting it as he leaned in for our first kiss. And then... nothing.
We kissed, with passion at first and it instantly subsided. He pulled back and I opened my eyes to see a confused look on his face.
"Let me try that again," and he want in for another kiss. And still, nothing. No butterflies. No knots. No stars or exploding fireworks. Just wet, soft, perfect lips that excited neither of us.
"I can't believe it," Josh said. "I've been so wound up about you since the first day of school but when I kiss you, it's like I'm kissing... a friend."
"I was going to say my sister, but yeah... I still feel close to you but there's nothing sexual"
He sighed, looking at the floor, "I guess this means we're just supposed to be friends," and he looked up with a completely dejected look on his face.
"Looks that way," I said with a smile. Which made him turn beet red and then he died laughing. At that moment, I lost the first guy I was romantically interested in and found a new best friend who got me in a way that no one else ever had. To this day, my mother and stepfather remark that it's sometimes like we're twins.
We spent the rest of the night talking and playing games, goofing around and looking at porn on the internet.
The next morning we ate, went swimming and goofed around until my mother came to pick us up to go meet everyone at a theater for a movie, which was usually what we all did on Saturdays if we didn't have a party or a dance instead. Of course, getting questions from people who weren't at the game was a lot easier since we could be truthful ("No, really, we're just friends") but, to me, there was something different. We weren't just friends... Josh felt like an older brother. The one who teaches you about sex, how to throw a perfect spiral or how to catch a pop up fly (though, in all honesty, Josh wasn't much of a baseball guy and was genuinely bad at catching pop ups).
Throughout the remainder of seventh grade I went out with girls. Josh didn't really date anyone, just hooked up with a couple of guys he told me about. That changed the day he came running up to me after school at my locker to ask if I know Lane Daniels. It was late April and the band had started marching outside while the football team was coming out of offseason and running drills, preparing for them to move on to high school next year (seventh grade athletics were first period). He'd caught one of the band guys looking at him and who could blame him... Josh was wearing those too high gym shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt that exposed his sculpted abdomen. He asked Alan who the guy was and Alan told him it was his cousin, Lane.
"Oh, Lane... why haven't I seen him before", Josh asked.
Alan, still not catching why there's so much sudden interest in his cousin, replies, "He's been living with his father over in Louisiana, but he told his daddy he was gay and he shipped him back here as fast as he could. My aunt couldn't be happier to have him back.... wait a second, are you interested in him?"
"Well, yeah... from what little I can tell, he's cute as hell. Please don't tell me I can't?!"
Alan sighed and looked at the ground. He didn't know how to deal with this sort of thing. He was the oldest of three kids and he'd be out of high school before his sisters were done with sixth grade. Dissuading suitors from approaching family wasn't something he'd ever been prepared for. He was usually the one being dissuaded by an older brother.
"I'm not... you're a good guy and I trust you. Just remember, he's my cousin and I love him. He's been through a lot so don't make it worse."
"Of course not. I really just want to get to know him before I ask him out"
Alan smiled, "I think I can help set that up. Just remember... if you hurt him, I'll fucking kill you." Josh just nodded to let Alan know he'd heard and understood the threat. It may have been empty, but something told Josh Lane was special and that Alan probably would at least try to fuck him up if he did something wrong. The thought made Josh unhappy as he and Alan had been friends since that first week. Alan, despite it being completely unnecessary, had always stood up for Josh.
In response to the breathless question from Josh, yes, I knew and liked Lane. Alan lived down the street from me so we'd been friends growing up. His mother and Lane's were sisters and very close with my mother so every summer day when we were kids was a party either at the Club, their house, or ours. That all stopped when Lane's parents divorced and his daddy got primary custody.
Josh just stood in front of me, sweating lightly and working hard to catch his breath.
"Is Lane back?"
"Yep. Alan said his daddy sent him to live with his mother when he came out!"
"Dude, do you have to be so happy about it?"
"OK, so maybe it's a little inappropriate, but seriously, he's gorgeous. I caught him checking me out when we were running drills and the band was practicing."
I finished up at my locker and started to walk down the hall to the office. My mother was an education consultant and did a lot of work with the school district here. Today, she was at my school and had told me to wait for her in the office so we could pick up my sister, Cat, and go home.
"So, you've talked to Alan about all this and now you've... shit, is that Lane?" I asked looking ahead in the hallway to a guy who was about like me, same height but a lighter build (I'd grown an inch during the year and thanks to Josh had managed to add about 15 pounds) and dark brown hair.
Josh sucked air through his teeth and hissed out "YEEESSSSS. Please introduce me."
As we got close to him, I called out, "Lane, is that you?". He looked over at me with a wan smile and I closed this distance between us to give him a brohug.
He pulled back after the hug and smiled at me. I hadn't seen him in three years and I had to admit it was good to have him back.
"How've you been kiddo? You've gotten big... hell, you're probably stronger than me now!"
"Yeah, thanks to this jackass," and I motioned over to Josh who smiled. "Lane, this is Josh Hastings. He and his father just moved here at the beginning of the school year."
The oddest thing then happened... the normally straight forward and outgoing Josh looked like he was about to shit his pants. I looked from him to Lane and could tell Lane was a little scared. I could imagine a thought like...
'FUCK! It's that monster from the football team! I know he caught me looking and he's just realizing it was me. Oh fuck, fuck fuck, fuckity fuck... He's going to punch in my brain.'
...which, it turned out from a later conversation, was damn near what he'd been thinking.
Finally, Josh's face breaks into one of his 'Oh, I'm cute?' signature smiles as he holds out his hand to Lane. Lane visibly seems to relax and he moves his own hand toward Josh. They connect, and, and, AND...
Nothing. No movement. It was like both had shoved a fork into a 110 volt socket and neither could let go. They were motionless, eyes focused intently on each other and nothing else moving. I didn't even think they were breathing.
To be honest, I kinda sensed that this was a special moment and there's nothing to make that more awkward than having a third wheel gawking at you. I think we were going on a minute before I finally cleared my throat. Nothing. So, I kept doing it until Lane, not Josh, LANE, looked over at me and said, "Are you OK?"
"Yeah, I'm good... just wanted to welcome you back! Alan has my number so text me when you get settled in so I have yours. Josh?"
No response (in my head I heard someone from a hospital show yell 'Grab the paddles, were going to try to resuscitate!).
"Josh?"
And again, he's looking right at Lane who refocuses on him, and smiles, while saying, "Josh, Rob's trying to get your attention," very softly. Josh finally turns to me with a look on his face that says everything... only a moron would have needed to look at his crotch for additional confirmation.
"Hey," he says to me.
"Hey back at ya... I gotta go meet my mother. Call me later!" and with that, I was gone. I didn't even glance back, just kinda giggled to myself and said a silent prayer that some day I'd meet someone who sent me falling on my ass, just like that.
Walking into the office I saw my sister already sitting on a chair.
"What are you doing here?"
She looked kinda angry, like someone put their thumb in her glass as they were bringing it to her. My sister is the person closest to me, despite the more than two year gap in age. Even Josh, with whom I'd become extremely close, couldn't really compete and made the comment after we'd gotten really carried away with something we thought was funny that being around us often felt like he was never in on the joke. That, in a nutshell, is how my father usually feels as well. We never know quite what to say about it since the last thing we'd ever want to do is make someone feel bad.
"Mom told me to ride the bus over here and wait in the office. The bus is gross and I hate it like poison."
I thought about what she said for a minute... "Well, thank God you don't have to ride it often."
"That's not funny Rob," she said as we both giggled a little. It really wasn't funny, but we giggled because we both understood the need to for a mood change. We sat there, doing our homework, waiting for my mother to wrap up. She ducked her head out about 20 minutes after I got there to check on us. My mother is one of those women who at 80 will still be beautiful. She's got an amazing smile and fantastic eyes that sparkle.
"I should be done in about 30 minutes and we can get out of here. What are you doing?"
In unison, we both said, "Homework".
"OK, think about what you want for dinner and we can pick it up on the way home."
I knew what Cat would want (Pizza, it was all she ever seemed to want) and I was fine with that. She just looked over at me and I nodded. A little over 30 minutes later, mother returned and we left. The summer before she'd bought her first car with her own money. Every car she'd ever owned prior to that had been purchased by her father or her husband. She was very proud of that E350 and made damn sure we kept our greasy paws from messing it up.
We got home a little after 5 and Cat and I went to our rooms to change and finish homework. In my case, the homework was done so I took a little nap and got online. We ate dinner at 630, like usual, and by seven we were off doing other things. In my case, other things turned into an hour long call with Josh during which he gave me the blow by blow on the afternoon after I left.
Highlights included:
"He's got the cutest dimples!"
"His hair is so thick and wavy but it looks so soft!"
"Those lips... they remind me of yours but they're just somehow better," to which I replied, "Maybe because they're connected to someone with whom you've actually got a shot."
"Lane's eyes are like emeralds"
After leaving me they'd walked out to the parking lot where Josh's dad was waiting to pick him up. He offered Lane a ride and he declined saying he lived just a few blocks away. Josh then asked his dad if the had time to go to Baskin Robbins with a pleading look in his eyes that said 'PLEASE DAD, MAKE THIS HAPPEN' and his father, being pretty smart for a dad, said sure. Josh extended an invite and Lane gladly accepted.
Neil Hastings, Josh's father, loved his son more than anything. Josh had come out to him a year before, two years after his mother died. He'd already caught him experimenting with girls so he was understandably shocked and even more so when he found out his 12 year old son was about as sexually active as your average fraternity boy at a southern university.
Instantly, baby sitters changed from high school girls to old ladies. It seemed Josh had developed a real talent for luring babysitters into the bathroom just as he was stepping out of the shower where they could see that, from a genetic standpoint, he was an exceptionally well put together young man. Needless to say, when Neil asked his son if he was sure he was gay, the response was a breathless 'yes, I've confirmed it'. Josh had told me all this while we were discussing things we'd done. I knew I was FAR behind him in terms of absolute numbers but the truth was rather more shocking and I suddenly felt like a very little boy chatting about sex with a guy who'd seen more action than any five grown men.
Neil would do anything for Josh and the guy he was interested in. If Josh had asked him to drive them to the moon, he would have found a way so taking them for ice cream was easy.
As they lined up at the counter, Josh told Lane to go ahead. When he got to the register he pulled out his wallet only to hear Neil say, "Son, I'm buying. Please put your wallet up."
Lane and Josh sat together while Neil sat in another booth, observant but not eavesdropping. He knew what he was looking at and for a brief second worried if maybe Josh was moving too far, too fast. Sex was one thing, but love was quite another. He knew that look on his son's face, it was the same as the one his mother always had on hers when she saw Neil walk into a room. To me, hearing Neil's side of all this more than two years after the fact was kind of comical and, frankly, jealousy inducing. I never imagined my father doing something like it or even being so tender as to notice how I looked at anyone else, let alone a boy. This all came out of Neil one night when he caught me up in the living room just staring out the window, despondent. It was the end of July 2011, before we left to spend two weeks at Neil's place in California. I'd been told earlier that day about my father's intention to move us full time to Plano and, as an extra kick to the teeth, that the guy whom I'd been dating had been cheating on me with three other guys and two girls. I'd shared this with Josh and begged him not to tell Neil or my mother since I didn't want to add to their already considerable emotional overhead.
And Josh, of course, ignored me. He also managed to find Kurt that evening and beat the shit out of him. While I was viscerally pleased with the latter, it was the former for which I was initially angry but would forgive him the next day. Neil and I had one of the best talks I've ever had with anyone about love and relationships. I've thought about that often these last few months because I followed his advice and never gave in to fear and cynicism, I gave of myself fully to the man I'd meet less than a month later and I never looked back. It gave me the ability to truly love another person and it's helping me through the pain of losing him now.
Josh, back in 2009, was rambling on and on and I finally had to shut him down.
"Ok, so you like him... do you think he likes you?"
"Rob, come on... it's me. Of course he did. He absolutely loved what he saw on the field. I mean, I'm hot as fuck."
Not knowing Josh, that's not all him making fun of self absorbed jackasses. He has a unique talent for picking up on the interest of others. It's like advanced gaydar, he can see not only that your gay but pretty accurately gauge your level of interest in him. Some folks have way too much and then there are people like me you have to hit over the head to let them know you're interested.
"Sure, he thinks you're hot... but was he engaged in the conversation or where you babbling on and monopolizing it?"
"Of course he talked... he told me about his life after his parents got divorced, how difficult it was to live in Louisiana and about how his father has basically disowned him. Truth be told, I wanted to pick him up and hold him the whole time. He's too beautiful to have gone through so much pain."
That was the moment when I knew it was over. I didn't need to know any more, I didn't need to ask any questions about if they'd kissed (which, he volunteered, they did... it was a peck but it lit him on fire) or if they'd held hands. I knew he was in love with him and I was hopeful Lane would feel the same way. Josh, as big self assured as he was had a real weak spot for rejection. That look on his face when he felt nothing, and more importantly when he realized I'd felt nothing, from our kiss was enough to let me know he was as sensitive as anyone to rejection.
We kept talking for about another five minutes when I got a text from Alan...
Meet me at the tree, 10 minutes.
... and I wrapped up my call with Josh telling him I needed to help Cat with a project. I knew if I said I had to meet Alan it would be another five minutes of him making me memorize as set of question for an interrogation.
I quickly threw on some shoes and walked downstairs. My mother was in her office working and I told her I was going to meet Alan and should be back in an hour if that was OK. She just replied that it was but that she wanted me in MY bed by 1030, not passed out at Alan's in front of 'some game'.
I walked out the backdoor to the gate in our yard that led to The Woods. The Woods were the grand name we'd given to a patch of land my father had never developed behind the neighborhood. There was a tree, about half a mile in and almost directly behind my house, where we built a treehouse mostly out of scrap wood we picked up from construction sites in the subdivision. Alan, as far as I know, hadn't been back here in a year and I'd only been back to it a few times, most recently in February when I took Josh to see it after he heard Alan and I telling stories about various dumb things we did back there and the time I, like an idiot, decided to jump off the crappy deck we'd made and broke my leg.
I looked at my phone as I got there and it had been a little over ten minutes. I didn't wait long for a breathless Alan to show up. The moon was out and I was standing in an area that wasn't covered by the canopy so he'd see me. He stopped about ten feet away and just looked at me. I could feel his eyes scanning over me from head to toe and I wondered what the hell was going on. I just looked back at him. Alan was tall, like Josh, but not as heavily built. He and Josh worked out in the offseason since they were the only two lifting the same kind of weight. Alan would be one of the three freshman next year who'd earn spots on the varsity team. Josh would be one of the others.
I finally broke the silence, "Alan, is everything OK?"
I waited for a response but none came. Just as I was about to say something else he said, "I'm sorry, I just realized I had a problem I needed to talk to you about."
"What is it? Josh and Lane?"
He sighed, "That was why I called but then something else happened." and he started walking over to me. "Let's sit down," which we did, side by side with our backs to the tree. He looked at me again and I swear it was like the look Josh had given me the night we kissed. There was an intensity in his eyes I'd never seen.
I quickly sputtered out, "Josh really likes Lane. I think he's already in love with him and I think you need to let it happen if Lane feels the same."
That seemed to snap him out of it for a second. "Yeah, I talked to Lane and he told me they'd gone out for ice cream and had a sweet little talk. Honestly, I'm ok with it... Josh is someone I'd like to see Lane with. I told him so tonight. I really just wanted to make sure Josh felt the same way."
I was kind of relieved. I wanted this to work for them. "Well, now that's out of the way, what's your problem?"
The words no sooner left my mouth than he said "I know you're gay."
My face completely flushed and I started to hyperventilate. I knew Alan was safe, intellectually, but emotionally it was something completely different. This was someone I'd known all my life... would he be OK knowing this about me? I know he was comfortable with Josh, but Josh had been open and honest with him from the time they'd met. I was someone he'd known since childhood who'd been hiding this dark secret.
Distantly, like hearing a voice down a hallway, I heard him say as he rubbed my back, "It's OK, you're safe. I'm not upset. Nothing is going to happen to you. Please calm down," those last words I heard very clearly and could hear the worry in them. I thought to myself, no matter what, this is Alan and he's not going to turn on me.
As my breathing began to return to normal I was able to ask "How?"
I could hear the smile in his voice as he answered, "Remember my New Years Party?"
Alan's parents had gone on a cruise right after Christmas for a week, returning the Sunday before school started . They'd left another of Alan's cousins, from his father's side of the family, in charge. Alan's father's family was really redneck... they weren't poor, most of them were cattle ranchers so they made good money, but they were really country and his cousin, who was already a sophomore in high school, was no exception. He'd picked up the nickname GOB a few years back and it kind of stuck... he wasn't the smartest guy, but he was a Good Old Boy and he really loved Alan and his family. He and Alan had hatched this plan to have a New Years Party... mostly for GOB's friends and Alan's. Alan's sisters, who were in second grade, were left with GOB's parents for the night. GOB had a connection for alcohol so they put together a real rager. Alan had told me to come but I already knew my mother wasn't going to buy me sleeping over when she knew his parents were gone. I asked him if it would be cool for me to bring Nathan Adams since I could stay with him and we could sneak out to the party. Nathan and I ended up being two of the six seventh graders at the party which made us instantly cool.
The best part was Josh who'd never really had a drink but fell absolutely in love with col'beer. It was the Natty Light GOB liked which, to most people, was nothing more than rat urine. Nathan and I drank but we kept it under control since his brother was in college and had taught him not to get completely fucked up. So, I followed Nathan's lead and we stayed relatively cool.
The party was actually a lot of fun and I got a kiss at midnight from a freshman girl who thought I was cute. At one point, one of the older guys there made a comment about Josh being a fag and GOB told him to shut up and get out, then loudly told everyone that "Josh may be queer but he plays football better'n any of you pussies and I'd be proud to play with him on varsity next year". GOB, for all his country bullshit, could be pretty badass.
By the time we were leaving about one, Josh was being dragged upstairs to Alan's bedroom. I offered to help but Alan just told me he and GOB had it. Nathan and I walked back to his place and went to bed. I didn't think anything else of it.
Regaining my composure, I looked over at Alan and saw him smiling.
"Yeah, I remember the party. Josh was fucked up and told you something he swore he'd keep secret until I was ready," I said, the anger in my voice obvious.
"Nope, wasn't like that at all. GOB and I got him into my room and GOB ran back out to find the chick he was banging at the time. Meanwhile, I'm left to get Josh's heavy ass into bed. He kept moaning about how he felt like he was going to die and I kept telling him 'No, you just drank to much and you're gonna pass out'. I finally got him settled into bed and then he reached up and grabbed my shirt to pull me closer to him.
He looked at me wild eyed and it kinda scared me at first... I didn't know what he was going to do. Then he said, calmly, 'If anything happens to me you gotta promise to look after Rob'. I just told him nothing was going to happen to him and he just gripped my shirt harder. 'No, Alan, I mean it. Rob's such a good guy and I love him and I never want to see anything bad happen to him. I know you've been friends for a long time, but you gotta promise me. He's gay but he's not ready to come out. When that changes he's going to need someone to protect him and if I'm not there it's gotta be you. Promise?'
I just stood there, bent over and kind of shocked. I told him,'If you're in love with him, why don't you just tell him? I can't imagine he'd say no to dating you' and he looked at me and smiled, 'It's not like that. I love him like he's my brother. We are more than friends but we're not fucking. He's just so sweet and so many people are assholes and he doesn't deserve anything but love. You gotta promise me.' So, I did... I promised if he died that I'd look after you.
The next morning he was hung over as shit. I asked him if he remembered what he told me and he said 'No, what did I say?'. I made the decision not to say anything to him because I knew he'd just beat himself up. I know Josh well enough to know that he would have said something to you if he'd remembered."
I let out a long slow whistle, "So you've known this for months and never said anything to me?"
"What was I supposed to say? 'Hey, grab me a chocolate milk when you get in line and oh, by the way, I know you're gay'? Shit... it didn't matter to me and you're always going to be my friend first and foremost. Whatever Josh thinks, I've also considered you kind of my younger brother which was why I was so nervous when the two of you were getting close last fall. Hell, I even told Josh to be careful with you."
He looked over at me and I could see this softness in his eyes, "Look, I don't know what the hell is going on with me but when I came out here tonight and I saw you standing there and it just... well..."
"What?"
"I just thought you were cute and I thought about you... sexually."
"Really?"
"Yep. I don't know if I'm just a horny kid whose been talking to his gay cousin about his love life and now suddenly wonders what it would be like with a guy. I don't know if it's just because Cassie won't let me go beyond fooling with her tits through her shirt while I'm kissing her.
All I do know is that when I walked up, I saw you for what seemed like the first time ever and I got so horny it was hard to think."
At that I blushed and asked, "So what do you want to do?"
"What would you think about jerking off together?"
"OK, but how about I jerk you and you jerk me?"
The look on his face was priceless. I kinda guessed he'd jerked off with another guy, even I'd done that. However, I was pretty sure he'd never had a handjob from one. The thoughtful look quickly turned to a smile.
He leaned back against the tree and pulled his dick and balls out of his shorts. I followed his lead. He started to spit in his hand and I told him he could do me dry since I'd been cut by the kindest, most wonderful doctor who'd left enough of my foreskin to masturbate without lube. Alan, on the other hand, was cut tight so I had to hock up something nasty to get enough lube to be able to jerk him off.
He was bigger than me, I'd guess close to eight while I was about six and a half the last time I'd measured. I looked over at him and saw him staring at my dick. When he realized I was looking at him, he just smiled this goofy grin and said, "Nice dick, man." That was all I needed to grab hold of him and he quickly grabbed me.
The feeling of having someone's hand on my dick was amazing. It was like a jolt of electricity as he changed his grip and began to work me over as I pumped him. I had to spit in my hand a few more times but it didn't take either of us long to reach climax and shoot all over ourselves.
We spent a few minutes trying to clean ourselves up with the leaves around us and generally just enjoying the feeling which made me giggle. He looked over at me with a smile.
"What?"
"Would you mind if I kissed you?"
"Of course not"
He leaned in and cupped my head with the his dry hand, pulling me closer to him until our lips connected. It was nice, he wasn't too forceful and after a swipe of his tongue on my lips, I let him in. I won't lie, it sent a jolt to my dick but I knew this was nothing more than a kiss from a straight, maybe occasionally bi, boy testing himself.
I heard my phone chime with a text. He broke the kiss and watched me as I looked at my phone to see my mother telling me 'It's 1010. Get home'.
"I better get back"
He stood up, offering me a hand and helping me up. We walked back silently to the gate to my backyard. Before I opened it, he stopped me.
"Rob, I don't want this to be awkward between us. This was nice. I'd love to do it again, but I want it to be between us," and I nodded yes.
As he walked away he looked back for a second and said, "But you can tell Josh... I know I'm going to."
I just smiled to myself as I walked through the gate into my backyard.
Thanks for reading! Any comments can be sent to doncornelius69 at yahoo dot com. This is really just a hobby for me so flaming me just makes you a douche.