I wrote this story as a tribute to Wazput's story about Matt, Kris, Corey, Colt and the Gang. The gang has been a part of my college life and all I could say is thank you for continuing it and making the story worthwhile.
This story is about an unseen character that maybe some of us can relate to. We all know someone has to play in the background. Someone has to be underneath everything and go unseen. Somehow, someone suffers from afar when we think everything is okay within eyes reach.
And we all know that there will always be a good story behind another good story.
Also thanks to Andy and Big D!!!
Watching from the Sidelines Chapter 9 "Autumn Friends" by: Peps
Sometimes it's so hard to just get up from bed and start your day right. Sometimes it's just to hard to focus on doing anything, even standing up. Sometimes we tend to just give up. We're only human beings. And sometimes, we do tend to ask questions. Are we really bound to get happy ever afters? Is there really such thing as a happy ending? How long ago was it? One? Two days? But it seemed like years when that magical night happened. I finally found the right person. I finally made love.
But where is he? Where are those glittering eyes that looked deep into me and made love to me. Where are those soft whimpers that were music to my ears? Where are the soft grasps and tugs on my hair that sent shivers down my spine? Where is my prince? Was all that just a dream? A dream that turned to this nightmare? A dream that now I wish should have never happened?
"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" I bumped my forehead to my palm. "How could you be so stupid Cord?"
I looked in the mirror and remembered that wonderful night. 'It's done.' I thought. 'Just move on.'
But I can't. He's stuck in my head.
I've tried rationalizing with myself. I like Matt. Not some lame party guy. But the more I think about it? The more I inch away from Matt. Nothing about him seems as important at it was before. Of course I do admire him. But what have this guy done to me? There's this longingness in his eyes that I felt I need to fill. He wants a protector and I want someone to protect. A perfect match in this damn awful circumstance.
I looked inside my room and saw Drizzle playing with the rubber ball I bought her. She's always happy. So happy I envy her.
Toni and Simon seemed extra special to me now. They never left my side everytime I felt like crying. Simon even bailed out on G.I.'s date request just to be with me and Toni last night when I cried. I should stop crying like a baby. It doesn't look good on my when I cry. That was Toni's joke.
My mom called me last night and it hurt her that I couldn't share my problem to her. I wasn't ready to talk last night. Not with all this chaos running in my head.
I need to shake things up today. I need to get out for a little air.
I texted Toni and Simon and invited them to hang out in the complex pool. They both agreed and told me they's be at the pool in 30 minutes. I went to the complex pool and saw the pool keeper. Sadly the pool was out of order so he gave me advice to use the other complex's pool. I went and saw Corey and Matt in their trunks. Matt was just to beautiful but something seems off. I don't feel anything other than my attraction to his cuteness. I gathered everything I had and approached them.
He glanced my way and seemed to have given me a questioning look. I settled closely beside him with my heart slightly beating faster.
"Hey Matt, how's it going?" I asked quietly with my hand down.
"Ummm... not bad..." he said and seemed confused.
"That's great. We've got a really nice place here, huh?" I commented, putting on sunscreen.
"We do... I'm really sorry, but have we met?"
"No, I don't think we have. I'm Cord. It is kickin' to finally actually meet you," I said. I was really searching for words this time.
He shook his head. "This is Corey by the way."
"I know him too. You two have been dating forever and make the hottest couple on campus," I said, I was testing myself and oddly. No hint of jealousy ever escaped my mind.
Corey leaned over Matt, "How do you know us?"
"For one, I'm friends with Toni. She raves about you two, especially Matt," I replied.
He smiled, "Toni is a great girl. I really miss her and wish she lived here."
"Me too," I said. "And I've met Corey at the rec before."
"Sorry," Corey said, "I see and speak to so many people at work I really can't remember many names or faces."
"That's okay. I fucking can't believe I'm talking to you. You are what I strive to be." I said and hated it once I realized what I said. ' Oh god, I sound like a total weirdo!' I thought to myself.
Matt seemed uncomfortable and said goodbye with Corey. I wasn't expecting them to just leave just because I came but it seem like it. I was a bit sad and disapointed because I didn't expect Matt to be that way. I imagined him to be enthusiastic and a bit more friendly. It was even a greater downer thinking that I may have liked and stalked the wrong guy for two years.
In 15 minutes Toni and Simon greeted me.
"So, how are you doing buddy?" Simon asked me.
"Fine I guess... I met Matt today."
"Great! So how was it?!!!" Toni asked a bit excited.
"Nothing I imagined. I just thought it was time to talk to him and then when I did, it felt wrong. It was nothing I imagined. He was weirded out by me and so does Corey. I don't know, maybe I looked like a freak.
"Don't say that. Matt's a nice guy once you get to know him." Toni assured.
"I guess it's just me. I still can't get over what happened to the party."
"Was it really that special Cord?" Simon asked.
"It was... really... really... special." I said sadly.
"Well, if you are really for each other, I guess you will both end up in the end... but in your case Cord... It's hard to tell." Toni said.
"I know... but enough about me. I'm surviving, aren't I? Simon, how's your communication with that guy I set you up with?" I changed the subject.
"Nah! We kinda lost track. Apparantly we have different interests in life.. How about you Toni?" Simon said.
"I'm all about my academics now.." Toni said and laughed. "Look at the three of us. We're all on the same condition. I just wish you both were straight." We all laughed at her wish.
We had a bit fun in the pool and were goofing around not worrying about things. We had an afternoon meal in a restaurant nearby and talked about my upcoming performance in the Talent contest I entered in.
"You know, as the contes nears, I'm getting kinda scared and think I'm going to quit."I said with a mouthful of salad.
"No you don't we just need a good crowd pleaser when you sing." Toni said.
"Maybe Toni and I could dance around the piano when you sing." Simon suggested as Toni gave him a death glare.
"I dare not! You dance alone. Maybe we could make a huge tarps for Cordy and bring some of our peeps to cheer him up. That would make a huge point." Toni suggested clapping.
"Real serious Toni.." Simon said rolling his eyes.
"I guess you have a big idea then, Mr. Genius?" Toni asked.
"Well, maybe you do that, and I could play the flute while Cord plays the piano and sings." Simon said with me and Toni looking at him with surprised faces.
"You know how to flute?" I asked amazed.
"Yup... Flute and guitar." He said matter-of-factly.
"Wow... guess I'm the only non-musical in us three." Toni giggled.
"That's not true. I heard you sing Toni. And you're good." Simon said and nudged Toni.
"Don't flatter me." Toni said. "Well I do sing before. In our church choir."
"Then that makes us the musical three friends." I said with both of them laughing at my not so funny joke.
We stayed there for a while and just talked. Simon and I also asked Toni to model for our Photography class assignment which she accepted gleefully.
Late afternoon, Toni, Simon and I were at the University field catching the afternoon sun catching great sillouhuette shots of Toni for our assignment. It was rather a peaceful moment with just the three of us enjoying our time together. Not much were talked about. Just the simple smile on each others faces were enough to keep us entertained and unbored. The wind blew from the east and made Toni's hair flip and her skirt go with the flow. I caught it with the right angle while Simon was dismayed as he was fixing his lens when the moment came. I showed Toni the shot and she asked if she could have a copy of the photo, which I said I would give her.
That night we stayed in my apartment. As we always do now, with Simon bringing his guitar and flute with him as proof that he could really play.
"I'm actually just starting to learn the guitar and am really bad at it." Simon confessed.
Toni started weilding her magic in the kitchen as she really loved moving in there. She made us mashed potatoes and some chicken salad to boot. It was rather an on going routine for the three of us and I have this hint that both of them are doing it because they don't want me sad. But I'm sure I'm overthinking it.
"Toni, this salad is utterly delightful!" Simon said with his best British impression.
"Well, I'm full of glee to have pleased you sir..." Toni joined with her own impression "Now would you care for a spot of tea?"
"That would be splendid!" I said in my own Brit accent and the three of us laughed out loud. Of course I didn't have tea so we settled for a cold beer. We cleaned up and settled in the living area.
"Say, Cord, I always wondered why you're so pale. Are you from Transylvania?" Toni said.
"I'm not that pale." I objected looking at my skin.
"Yeah, he's not that pale as that wrestling guy on TV from Ireland." Simon backed up.
"I'm actually half Swedish. My mom's from Sweden."
"But Swedish people are not pale."Simon said.
"Well my mom is."
"So you know how to speak Swede?" Toni asked.
"Jag! It's called Svenska by the way." I said.
"How do you say 'How are you?'" Simon wondered.
"Hur mar du?" I told him.
We continued on and on until we found Toni asleep on the couch. Simon and I smiled to each other and I caried Toni to my bed. I went back to Simon with my laptop.
Simon was fiddling with his guitar and I searched for songs on the net. We were actually enjoying songs after songs and were having a good time. I played the organ and he accompanied me with his guitar with both of us singing. Simon actually has a good singing voice.
"Hey I have an idea."Simon suddenly said.
"what?"
"Why don't we make a youtube video of you singing?"
"Well... I haven't thought about that before."
"Okay, let's try it."
We picked a song and I remembered the song I would sing in this moment of my life. Oliver James was really underrated but his music is one of the best I know. His songs are so inspiring and I would love to make a cover of his song. We recorded the cover we made, although it's not really good as we both were a little drunk and I was really emotional when I sang it. Thinking of that guy and that night. It really is a wonderful night which became a sad morning...
Everybody wants to be loved every once in a while we all need someone to hold on to just like a helpless child yeah can you whisper in my ear let me know it's alright it's been a long time coming down this road and now i know what i've been waiting for and like a lonley highway i'm trying to get home ooo loves been a long time coming you can look for a lifetime you can love for a day you can think you got everything but everything is nothing when you throw it away yeah then you look in my eyes and i have it all once again it's been a long time coming down this road and now i know what i've been waiting for just like a lonley highway i'm trying to get home ooo loves been a long time coming didn't know i was lost til you found me uh huh didn't know i was blind but now i see it's been a long time coming down this road and now i know what i've been searching for oh been a long long highway and now i see ooo loves been a long time ooo been a long time loves been a long time coming
I was in tears after we recorded it and Simon felt for me. He suggested we'd make a video for that guy in the party. We did and we put pictures of me in the video. I made a short story of my life in college and put pictures of Matt and the other guys on the video. It's a good thing facebook is so user friendly that I could just grab photos from Scott's profile. I made a slideshow and put the lousy recording we made as background music. It's not believeable that the guy I wanted would watch it but it felt good and I needed to pour this feeling out.
I uploaded it on youtube and made the perfect title for it 'Watching from the Sidelines'.
"That's a nice touch Cordie." Simon patted me on the back. "I'll go to bed... It's a good thing your bed is a super super king size."
"You go on ahead." I said and he went to the room.
I closed my eyes and imagined the face behind the mask. He's so beautiful. I would've gladly given up everything I had that night just to be with him but not Toni nor Simon. They are the living proof that I could overcome my being a loner attitude. I closed my eyes and prayed that somehow, somewhere, one day, I'll meet him again. This time, he wont leave my side. I'm sure of it.
-End of Chapter 9-
Hey guys! Sorry for the drama I caused all of you. I can't say no to people who ask of me to continue so I will. Again, sorry for the slow writing and I'm glad to tell you that I'm actually getting better now. Hopefully, I won't be comming back to the hospital, but I usually do.
Anyways, you could visit Cord's video on Youtube.com yup! It's real! There's really a video slideshow of Cord and his friends on Youtube.com Just search for Cord Dawson or search Watching from the Sidelines. Or better yet follow this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIANXo4YJTs&feature=plcp
Thank you for all the well-wishers. God bless you all.