Want

Title: Want part 8 Author: Jezebel the Temptress Feedback: eh_oh_po@yahoo.com

Disclaimers: I do not know any of the celebrities mentioned herein, this has no element of truth to it. This is no reflection on their true sexualities or personalities of Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Lance Bass or any others mentioned. If you are underage for your area or if it is illegal for you to look at this why not go somewhere else.

Note: Well, it took a while but this part seemed to want to come out in one large chunk. I hope to post more regularly. Not sure if anyone is still reading this though. I hope you are.

Tim

Did you think that was the end of the story? It wouldn't make for that great a story then would it? Well, I guess there was some sex, a little intrigue and some bad bits but there wasn't really a great love affair or a story that would generate the type of press coverage that our story got. I'm not proud of the press and media coverage it did get but it was more than revelations that Justin, JC and Lance were all gay that rocked the world. It was the rest of the story - Yes, there is more to it than just that one incident.

After I had walked away from the hotel and away from Justin I found a bar and had a drink. I missed work that night as I had always been planning to and kept drinking on and off for the next three days. Of course it stopped being in a bar after the first night, instead I went to the seven eleven and bought a few bottles of cheap vodka and a couple of six packs. I would drink a couple of beers and then when it didn't matter I would switch to the vodka.

I wonder now what it was that I was drinking for. Was I mourning some loss that I couldn't comprehend or was it just me feeling sorry for myself? I really didn't know. At the time I told myself it was me trying to get over the stress of the last few days. But I'm not so sure anymore.

Anyway, next thing I knew it was three days later, Nsync had left town and I was most likely out of a job. Still, I hadn't planned on going back so it didn't bother me really.

Of course it also meant that I had no way of making money.

I scoured the job pages daily, walked the streets of the city looking for work, and would even use the library to check the internet for jobs but there was nothing. I was down to my last fifty, with little food in the cupboard and rent due when I bumped into a guy on the street.

I half expected my wallet to be gone, or for him to punch me for dissing him but instead he took one look at me and smiled. I knew that smile, it was the smile that clients got as they tucked a dollar in your G-string.

"You look hungry." He said to me.

I rolled my eyes at the line. He was dressed in a dark suit, obviously well cut and expensive, most likely tailored just for him. The silk tie and shiny shoes also told me that he was not a regular for the flea bag neighbourhood that I lived in. Guys like that would always use this kind of line to pick up boys that they thought were hustling. I didn't think that my clothes were that bad.

"You look rich." I said back to him. "But as much as I need the money right now I don't do that."

He let out a hearty laugh and smiled.

"Give me five minutes of your time and if you're not interested in what I am offering then you can leave, no questions asked." He said.

I shook my head and he pulled out three hundred dollar bills.

"For five minutes?" I asked dubiously. "You've either got too much money on your hands or you're just plain crazy."

"Five minutes." He repeated. "Then we'll see who is insane."

I figured that it couldn't be too bad. He wasn't about to murder me in broad daylight with a few dozen people around. Even rich, eccentric guys weren't that crazy.

So I followed him.

And for the second time I was in the right place at the right time.

Five minutes for $300. By the time we got into the cheap diner where the man had talked me into getting a coffee (his shout), I was convinced that this man was an escapee from the asylum. There was no other logical explanation.

We sat at the counter and a waitress poured us a coffee before walking off to deal with someone else. I sipped the warm liquid gratefully and then looked up over my steaming cup at this man.

He was cute, older but cute, I could see myself fucking him if that was what he was offering. There was only one thing that I didn't do and if he wanted a fuck then I might reconsider my answer on the street. I was in need of the money after all and after Justin it wasn't as if I could say I hadn't prostituted myself before.

"I'll get right down to it, Mr..." He began, and I realised that I hadn't given him a name.

"It's Tim." I said. Not feeling comfortable with second names. He could still be an undercover cop or something, although if he was he was doing a bad job of it dressed like that. "Just Tim."

"Well, Tim, I'll get straight to the point, especially when time is money." He said with a small smile. "I'm making a film and I want you to be in it." He said.

I placed my cup down carefully before spilling the hot liquid on myself. I wasn't about to talk to this madman with hot liquids in my hand and I was afraid I would spill it if he told me those words again.

"What sort of film?" I asked dubiously. I didn't do porn, I wouldn't. That was something I was certain of. Giving the odd hand job or blow job to make rent was one thing, but being forever immortalised on film for doing it was quite another. It's an odd moral distinction but not one I was willing to let any amount of money cloud.

"It's a small budget feature." I said. "Nothing huge but it has a good backer and I want someone that is a little rough around the edges." He said. "We're always looking for new talent."

"You expect me to believe that?" I asked. "Shall I call you Mr. Barnum or will you answer to P.T?" I asked. After all he must have believed there was a sucker born every minute if he was trying to fob me off with that sort of line.

He laughed at the implied joke and leaned over the counter, pulling a newspaper from the rack that was there. They were meant for the customers but I supposed that we were customers so it did no harm.

He opened the paper at a specific page and then tore the page out. I wanted to protest but then he put it down and wrote something on it. Handing it to me after he was done. I looked down at it and was shocked to see his face staring back at me from the pages of the New York Times Entertainment section. For a few moments my eyes focused on the picture, looking for some difference between the man in the picture and the one that had just propositioned me.

When I turned to look for him but he was already gone, the grinning waitress was carrying a fifty dollar bill and three crisp hundreds sat on my plate. I wondered if I was dreaming but then I looked again at the paper and realised that it was too real to be a dream.

Tim,

When you realise that this is me and that the film is for real give me a call. 555-5497.

Adam Burnley.

The story with his picture told of a screenplay adapted by the author of a best selling novel. Unlike many in that industry he had chosen to write, produce and direct his own picture as well as adapting it from his own book. He could apparently do so because of the money left to him by his parents. They was a debate as to whether his eccentricity stemmed from his wealth or his genius, the writer of the piece seemed to have no real opinion either way.

I could still hardly believe it, despite the fact that it was printed in front of me in black and white and in one of the world's leading newspapers. I decided to do as he asked and give him a call. If nothing else I had the next few weeks rent in my hand and something to buy food with. If I got the film there might be some more money too.

I'd come to LA with no intentions to act and got sucked into it, at least this was going to be my first audition, maybe it would pan out. Besides, I figured after all that had happened recently I was due some good luck in my life about now.

Josh

The tour passed less easily than it had, basically because of what had happened in Los Angeles and with Tim. Justin spoke to me only for business, Joey seemed to side with Justin and was civil but didn't speak with me if he didn't have to and Chris remained neutral. Lance seemed to want to bridge the gap between Justin and I but I knew deep down that things would not be the same again.

Justin had been my little brother, my confidante and my best friend - he had trusted me but I had damaged that and now at best we were colleagues in the same band. We were civil and in interviews the tension didn't show, we all made sure of that, but it was taking it's strain on us all. Professionally we were still a group but it was in private that our world was in tatters.

Touring was less fun than it had been without the camaraderie and really we were all just looking forward to some down time. Not because we were tired of touring but because we were tired of each other.

That was definitely a first for Nsync.

We had been in Los Angeles in January, it was near the beginning of the second leg of the tour after the break for Christmas and now we had been back on the road five weeks. There were a few more weeks to do but not before we had a three day break. It coincided with our arrival in Denver.

I sometimes wonder if management automatically schedule our down time for the smaller cities. Sure, they have as much to offer as the big ones but it's not LA or New York. Maybe they wanted to keep us out of trouble, and it was easier to do so out of the way of other celebrities and the majority of tabloid journalists.

Either way it was because of this down time that I was watching TV in my hotel room and trying to come up with something to do on my own. It was not as if anyone really wanted to hang out with me right now and it didn't really bother me that much because I could deal with some alone time right now.

MTV was never my favourite station, too much chance of seeing myself I guess, but I was flicking through when I saw that familiar face. It was almost too hard to believe but I watched with stunned awe as I saw Carson, a guy that was supposed to be a friend of the band, talking to the one person that I still saw as the enemy. All I could think of was that Tim was on TRL and I wanted to know why.

Tim

I got home the night of my meeting with the guy in the diner and went to pay my landlord, then I spent a long while just thinking about what he had said to me. I had decided earlier to call him and talk to him but now as I played my thoughts over in my head I wondered if it was a good idea. I had never wanted to be an actor and now I wondered if I could even do it. I wasn't trained, I didn't know the first thing about acting. What could he even see in me?

In the end my gnawing stomach pulled me out of the thoughts and I made some Kraft Mac and Cheese while thinking over my predicament. I had a little over a hundred dollars left and I knew that it would not last. The chances of me finding another job were slim and I needed to eat and a place to sleep so I decided that whether or not I could act I had to call him, the guy, it was not as if I had any other choice.

After dinner I went down to the call box at the end of the street armed with a stack of loose change for the credits I would need and dialled the number. Half of me still expected it to be a ruse so I was surprised when a soft female tone answered the phone.

"Hello, Burnley residence. Camille speaking." She said in an accent that sounded more high society than Adam's had.

I wondered if she was a wife or a sister. The article had mentioned inheriting some money from his parents but had not discussed any other family.

"Erm, hi." I said, feeling like a complete ditz because I hadn't worked out what I was going to say when someone answered. "I'm looking for Adam Burnley, my name's Tim, he gave me his number..."

"Of course Sir." She said and suddenly she sounded very businesslike, not a sister or wife at all but a personal assistant or secretary. "Unfortunately Mr. Burnley is out at the moment." I was expecting to have to call back later but then she continued. "I'll just transfer you through to his cell phone. One moment please."

And then my call was being transferred, a short dialling tone and then the phone was answered.

"Adam speaking." He said calmly.

"Hi, it's Tim. You probably don't remember me but..."

"Of course I do, you compared me to PT Barnum -a man who put on the greatest show on earth. I wouldn't forget that in a hurry" He said with a slight joke in his voice. At the time that was not how I had meant it but at least he remembered me. "So, you've changed your mind about the film?" It was a question but phrased as a statement really, as if he had always known I would change my mind.

"I thought I might as well try out." I told him.

"Can you get over to Beverley Hills tonight?" He asked me. "I can send a cab."

"I'm kinda far out." I said, and it was true. I didn't exactly live in the nicest area of town but it was all I could afford. "But I could probably get over there for later tonight. Or I can come first thing tomorrow."

"I'll send a car." He said, this time more adamant. "Where are you exactly?"

So I found myself giving him directions, he didn't seem surprised by the neighbourhood I told him about or the distance I described. Almost as if he knew where I was but then again he had met me in a diner that wasn't all that far from where I lived, I guessed he had worked it out from that.

"Someone will be there to pick you up in about half an hour." He said calmly.

I didn't know where they were coming from but he must be a really good client for someone, at this time of night it was rare that you could get a cab, let alone one that would come to this side of town.

"Should I bring anything?" I asked, I'd never done an audition before and I wasn't sure exactly how I should prepare. "Or wear anything in particular." This was more my area, I dressed, or rather undressed, for a living so I knew a little about what to wear.

"Whatever you wear is fine. It's just an informal chat about the movie." He said. "And don't worry about bringing anything. I'll show you a copy of the script when you get here so you can see what you're getting into."

"Okay. I guess I'll see you later then." I told him. He agreed and hung up.

I was left wondering what had just happened and how I was supposed to deal with this sort of thing. I had never acted in my life let alone go for an audition. Part of me wondered if I was mad but the rest of me said I should get ready. I had less than half an hour now and I had to at least try and make a good impression. Even if it was only for the experience I didn't want to let this slip away.

The car was not a cab but a chauffeur driven car, a Mercedes I think although I'm not too well versed in the style of cars. I guess in a city like Los Angeles this is the way to travel, they say that you shouldn't drive in the city unless you know the roads. We drove out towards Beverly Hills, I didn't pay that much attention to the surrounding area because I was more interested in stopping the butterflies that flew around my stomach. So when we pulled up to a vast expanse of land surrounded by a gate and housing an impressive mansion I was shocked. I had missed the larger neighbours and suddenly we were stopping at a large house that could probably quite easily have housed most of my graduating class.

"Where are we?" I asked the driver, the first thing that I had asked all night.

"This is Master Burnley's estate." He said in a polite manner. "He asked me to bring you to meet with him."

"Wow." I said audibly, struck dumb by the sheer size and span of this place.

The driver didn't respond, I think it was part of the politeness again but I could almost see his smirk. Obviously he was not used to such an open reaction. I wondered if it was too gauche to say such things but it was an honest reaction. It was a big house.

The driver pulled up outside what appeared to be the side door to the mansion and then stopped, exiting his own door while I still struggled with my seatbelt and coming around to open my door. I thanked him as he did so, wondering if I should tip him or something but he was gone as soon as I was out of the car.

Adam was already there ready to greet me with a warm and open smile.

"I hope that Randall didn't bother you too much." Adam said. "It's hell to get a cab around here and a driver is so much easier." He explained.

"I guess so." I told him.

This got a hearty chuckle but somehow I didn't think that it was at my expense. It was more as if he was not used to such comments and I guessed that if the stories were true then being the child of a rich family wasn't necessarily all it was cracked up to be. Still, being in a suburban family wasn't always much fun either.

"Come on in." Adam said. "I had Camille sort you out a copy of the script, the original book and some basic contracts. Filming starts next week if you're available."

"Filming for auditions?" I asked dumbly. Again I got the hearty laugh.

"No, filming for the feature." He said. "It's not that hard. The lines will be a bit much to learn in that short space of time but, between you and me, the director won't mind a little improv so you'll be fine."

And that was it.

That night we discussed filming schedules and locations. I got a copy of the book that Adam had written and his script and signed a contract to co-star in the feature film version of "Murder in the Gilded Cage."

It was a low budget picture, Adam explained, so there was no large sign on fees or budgeting for big names but we would get a share of the profits for any money that the film did make. I'd been around long enough to know what that meant, if it made nothing, then you got your share of that - nothing. But I was going to make a flat rate of $1000 a week for the eight weeks of filming, which was better than I had been making at the club and I was not having to take off my clothes for a living. So it was better for me.

Of course no one expected what happened next.

"Murder in the Gilded Cage" was a cult book, it hadn't quite hit the bestsellers list but was popular with a lot of college kids and the film made it cool. People that didn't read went to see it and the thriller element as well as the intellectual plot line made it a surprise success. In an industry where big effects usually meant big bucks this low budget picture was doing great. The test screenings had been favourable and suddenly the people in the film company that Adam was working with wondered if this was going to "Blair Witch" on them.

I had only just finished filming and thought about signing on with an agent when Adam called me. I was still at my old apartment when the call came. The distributor wanted publicity for the film and as lead character I was down to do a lot of it. First stop, a show called TRL.

By sheer luck I was on my way up and into a career that I had never even wanted. But just as when I had first gotten into that cab I decided that it was worth a shot. I didn't know if I would get another chance at my fifteen minutes of fame and if it did better than expected I may get a few more thousand out of it.

If it meant doing some teen shows or some interviews I was okay with that. Besides, I had never been to New York before, it could be fun.

Josh

I was still dumbstruck. Tim was on TRL. What was up with that?

My first thought was one of cold horror, that he had decided to out the three of us on national television but surely MTV would have called us first to get a statement. Carson was known for pulling some shit but he wouldn't do something like that, not with our single still at number one on the top ten.

Instead of panicking I decided to listen, Carson talked enough to bore the hind legs off a donkey so I knew that he would get to the point eventually. Thanks to his annoyingly repetitive personality Carson was talking a lot that day and soon explained.

"Hi, I'm here with Tim Caldwell, star of new movie "Murder in the Gilded Cage", that looks set to be the big Summer blockbuster this year." Carson said as they came back from yet another video that was intermingled with people talking and girls screaming. "So, Tim, tell us a little bit about the character that you play..."

"Well, I play a guy named Matt in the film, he's sort of the lead character and he comes from this amazing life of privilege and wealth but he gives it all up because he wants to be a chef." Tim said as I watched him on screen. "Then his father mysteriously dies and he has to give up the life that he loves in order that he can go back to his old life and deal with the estate."

"So is his father's death the murder in the title?" Carson asked.

Tim smiled warmly and I knew that was the smile that Justin had fallen in love with. It made my heart ache and my stomach churn to see it all again.

"That would be telling." Tim said teasingly. "You'll have to see the movie."

"Well, I guess we will." Carson said smarmily. "So, what about you? You've told us about the character that you play but what can you tell us about Tim Caldwell? You're new at this acting thing right?"

"Actually yeah." Tim answered. He didn't put in that up until a few weeks ago he had been a full-time exotic dancer and part-time whore. "Adam, that's Adam Burnley the author and director, bumped into me in the street and asked me to try out for the film. I thought he was mad but I did it and then was amazed to get the part."

"He took a big risk in casting you then?" Carson asked.

"I guess." Tim replied.

"Of course he did. You could have screwed up his life the way that you screwed up ours." I called to the TV screen. I was still not sure that I could believe that he was there.

"What else is there to know about Tim Caldwell?" Carson asked. "I'm sure the ladies out there have a few questions."

They then went into audience questions, asking if he was single (yes), if he planned on staying with acting (he would see how it went), and if there was any gossip on his leading lady (a real gent didn't kiss and tell - and he hadn't done either).

I didn't want to hear anymore. My only thoughts were of Justin and how he would react when he heard this news. I didn't know that he had already seen it and reacted.

No one could have known how Justin would react.

Justin

Denver. Not exactly the most fashionable city in the world and yet for me it has some specific memories. We were there on a three day break from the tour when I saw it. Of course that wasn't the first time that I had seen Tim's face since our last meeting. His face, his smile, those burning eyes, they haunted my dreams and I would think of him often in my wakeful moments too.

But this was the first time that I had seen him for real and not just some facsimile that my mind had conjured into fantasy.

I was with Joey and Chris, just hanging out and trying to come up with something good that we could do. We were just lounging around and watching MTV having just come back from shooting hoops - well, Chris and I were shooting, Joey was missing as usual - but that was where we were when it came on.

Carson was being his usual arrogant self, pushing his guest out of shot so that he could monopolise the camera time and make his own jokes and points of view, but as soon as I saw Tim I drowned the rest of the background out. I didn't hear a lot of what he was saying, just that he was in New York, and that he was in some movie. I didn't really care what the movie was. Tim was there, in New York.

"Hey Justin, isn't that your friend?" Chris asked as they were watching the interview. "The guy from LA?"

"Chris. Shut up." Joey said obviously feeling the tension that I was giving off.

"He's in New York." I said softly as I began to think out loud.

"Okay, but he's your friend, right?" Chris pushed. Joey threw a cushion at Chris and earned himself a glare from the older Nsyncer.

"Is Lance in his room?" I asked, jumping up as I decided what I had to do.

"Sure." Joey replied softly. "Why do you ask?"

"I need to ask him something." I told him as I headed off to find Lance, not really caring that I was leaving them to their lounging without giving a reason for leaving. I had to find Lance.

"Is he his friend or not?" I heard Chris ask Joey as I left the room.

"No, you doofus, he's Justin's boyfriend." Joey said.

I shook my head. Tim wasn't my boyfriend, he wasn't even my friend, but I hoped he would be and that was why I had to find Lance. Lance would get me a plane ticket to New York and then I could find Tim. And if I could find him I could ask him to be my friend, or more, and maybe by the time I rejoined the tour Joey would be right and Tim really would be my boyfriend.

Lance was a little dubious about buying me a plane ticket, something about not being sure that I would come back, but when I explained that it had to do with Tim and that he was in New York Lance relented. I was finally going to find him.

I rapidly packed a small bag, just enough that I would only have hand luggage for ease of travel, and then I was on my way.

The airport was a nightmare, I had Lonnie with me, Lance had insisted that I take a bodyguard, but we didn't have time to get to the VIP lounge. We had to go straight through the airport in order to make the flight and even then it was a squeeze. I was used to first class travel, mostly empty during the week and with a lot of space, but Lance had made the tickets business class, the best he could arrange at such short notice. So I spent the entire way there hearing about Insurance and Sales from the man that sat next to me. Even the killer looks from Lonnie did not seem to dissuade the man from offering me a great deal on a life insurance policy, even though I told him I was amply covered. It seemed that no one had told him the adage 'you can never be too safe' did not apply when there were multi-million dollar policies on your life.

Finally we arrived in New York late that evening. I didn't really even know what time it was, or register where we were. There was only one thing on my mind and that was finding Tim. Lonnie insisted that we at least get to the hotel first but I wanted to find him. I knew that he was in the city and now more than ever it seemed to be playing on my mind that I had to see him again. I didn't know how well I would be received but Tim was part of my future, I wanted him in my life as either a friend or more and this time I was not going to take no for an answer.

Lonnie checked us into the Cromwell, it's a very small guest house that has high security and prices that are just as high, part of the problem with New York and LA are the paparazzi so smaller non-chain hotels are sometimes better.

I was meant to be in Denver, enjoying my holiday with the other lads, and not here in New York. If word got out that I was even in the city there would be questions as to why I had left the tour and once there were questions rumours would begin to circulate. Within hours of the sighting I would be appearing on the news allegedly leaving the band or receiving treatment at the Betty Ford Clinic. It was not the kind of publicity that we needed at the moment and certainly not something I needed to deal with.

Once we checked in I wasted no time in feigning sleep, telling Lonnie that I would wait until the morning to begin the search. He was doubtful at first, so I went through the motions of preparing to sleep, eventually Lonnie gave in to his own jet lag and went in to his own room. Once he was asleep I redressed, packed a few things into a bag and headed out.

I didn't usually sneak out but I had watched the others do it a few times to meet some girl or just to get some privacy so I was pretty sure that I wouldn't get caught, and even if I did Lonnie was a friend - I'm sure he'd understand. I knew exactly where I was going and as I pulled on the familiar baseball cap to hide my growing out hair I wondered what time it really was. I hoped that it wasn't too late.

Carson Daly lived in a trendy area of Soho, it fitted the image that he portrayed onscreen and to some extent his own personality, I didn't know the place that well but Lance had just about everyone's number in his rolodex and Carson's address had been easy to procure. I had some recollection of a party here once, although it may have been someone else's apartment that night, by the looks of the neighbourhood Carson was not the only celebrity in the vicinity. This was always a good thing as that meant there was less chance of someone selling their story or alerting the press, no one cared in these neighbourhoods and that was what made them more safe for people to live here.

I found it easily, it wasn't too difficult to get into the building either, I just waited for someone to leave. I had prepared a speech on the way over so when he answered the door I was ready.

"Justin?!?" Carson asked, blinking twice before looking again as if to check that it was definitely me. "What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I need a favour." I said.

He looked at me slightly dumbfounded and I realised that mostly people probably got an agent to do this stuff, either that or they called first. Most of them probably didn't bang on his door in the middle of the night.

"Can I speak with Carson, the friend, and not Carson, the interviewer?" I asked.

He nodded, opening the door and beckoning me in.

"So it's off the record?" He asked, obviously checking for his own sake as well as mine. I guess it was a professional thing to do.

"Yeah." I said. "It's not really something that I want broadcast to the nation."

"Not a problem. Have a seat." Carson said as he led me into his less than tidy lounge room. "Sorry about the mess, I wasn't exactly expecting anyone."

I took a seat, ignoring the few empty cups and scattered papers, probably research for a show or something. There was also large piles of CD's and videos, I guess they too were research of a sort.

"I was watching the show earlier." I said. "It was good, as always." I added.

Carson smiled.

"You were number one, as always." He said with a wry smile. "But let's get to the point. I'm curious as to why you are here. Aren't you supposed to be out on tour with the band?"

"I am." I replied. "But you're right. I should just get to the point. How well do you know Tim Caldwell?"

"You mean beyond the stuff in the press release?" Carson asked.

I nodded.

If I had wanted to know about the spiel that his agent gave out I could have asked Lance to get it, but I wanted to know more than that.

"Well, he's a nice enough guy off screen as well as on. He didn't talk much but there are rumours that he's not really an actor, I guess you've heard the story about being discovered on the street, well, rumour has it that he's also sleeping with the writer/director and that's what got him the part." Carson said. "I'm not sure, he didn't set off the old gaydar but you never know."

That made me gasp. Carson was gay.

"You're gay???" I asked in disbelief.

"I'm surprised that Lance didn't tell you." Carson said. "I mean, you're okay with he and Josh right?" Then it struck him. "You did know about Josh and Lance..."

"Sure. I just never pegged you as a..." I paused looking for the word.

"faggot?" he suggested sarcastically. I smiled.

"brother." I replied. This time it was his turn to gape like a fish out of water. It was good that I could surprise him as much as he had surprised me.

"And you want to know about Tim Caldwell?" he asked with a lewd smile. "Were you thinking of hooking up with him?"

"Actually, Tim's an old friend." I told him. Not really wanting to explain anymore than that at this juncture. "I was in town for a meeting, saw him on TV and wondered if you knew where he was staying. It'd be nice to surprise him with a visit."

"You realise that I don't buy that for a second." He replied with a smile. I should have realised that he would see through it but I said nothing. "Okay, this is really unprofessional of me but he's staying with a friend on 47th Street. Adam Burnley the writer and director has an apartment there."

I nodded. I got what he was saying. Tim was most likely not alone and I could walk in on him and his lover. I didn't mind. I thanked Carson and left.

Even if Tim was with someone else we could be friends. I could get over this jealousy for whoever it was that Tim was sleeping with and we could be friends. Part of me was glad that he had moved on, part of me wondered if friendship was enough. I guess we would soon find out.

Tim

I wonder now if I would have switched to a hotel had I known that he was coming, or if I would have abandoned my commitments to the film immediately and just relocated. I didn't expect for Justin to turn up again in my life and I certainly didn't expect for him to show up on my doorstep. Then again a lot of things in my life were not going as I had planned them to be - after all that is the nature of fate.

It had been a long day of film promotions and interviews, the last thing I needed was some kind of emotional upheaval for the day, but when I answered the door expecting Adam back early from a book signing I was surprised to see Justin on my door step.

"Hi." He said, as if it were the most normal thing in the world for him to just turn up on my door step. "Can I come in?"

"I thought we had said everything that we had to say each other before." I said coldly. "We agreed that I only came back for closure on the issue. Do you really want to rehash it again?"

It hurt just to see him. There was something inexplicable that drew me into him and made me want to bathe in his light, I didn't know if I could cope even being in the same room as him again, let alone survive a conversation.

"Yes, I do." He said and I had to admire his bravery as he pushed his way into the apartment and back into my life.

"Justin..." I started.

"No." he said adamantly. "At least hear me out."

I nodded, knowing that it was going to be easier to agree with him than argue. I indicated for him to take a seat and then nodded for him to continue. I supposed I did at least owe him the right to hear him out.

"You said that we've said it all before, but I don't know if we have." He began. "The reason that we couldn't be together was being in two different worlds, but you're part of my world now. Part of all of this."

"Justin, I've been in one small budget film. That hardly makes me a superstar. After this I'll be going back to my old life and my old flat. In the grand scale of things nothing will have changed."

"So you'll go back to dancing?" he asked. I had to give him credit for making it sound as if he was not judging me and using the euphemism that most strippers preferred.

"No." I allowed. "But other than that nothing will change. I'll still be Tim Caldwell, the nobody from LA and you'll still be Justin Timberlake, international superstar and supposed boyfriend of Miss Britney Spears."

"You're not nobody." Justin said seriously. "And I'm just Justin."

I laughed softly.

"Justin, you'll never be 'just' anything." I told him. "Whether things are different or not we can't change the fact that we come from two different backgrounds and we are essentially completely different people."

"You're just too scared to try." Justin said.

And he had me there. I was too scared to try. I had spent a large part of my adult life dancing for men that wanted sex, men that wanted a fantasy, but I didn't know the first thing about a relationship. I'd never had a real friend, let alone a boyfriend.

"You're right." I answered honestly. "But I still don't think that you are the right one for me to try with."

"Tell me that you feel nothing for me and I'll go." Justin said, sounding like a tormented soul in a harlequin romance, but it worked. Again I was stumped, so I remained silent. "But, if you feel anything for me then at least give it a try, even if it's just for tonight. Just one more night."

Then he leaned in and kissed me and I knew that I had lost the argument.

When Adam came home from his meeting later that night he found Justin and I making out on his couch. He smiled when he saw it, excusing himself and taking Camille with him.

I remember feeling that maybe Justin was right, maybe I was just scared and he was the one that I should take a chance on. Whatever it was that he had said worked because I was willing to try, and I was willing to try for more than one night. Meeting Justin had changed my world and now it was changing again. I was no longer in control of my own life so I might as well go along for the ride. What harm could it do?

"So, how long are you here?" I asked him as we sat on Adam's couch, we had been kissing for a long time and while the passion still burned between us it was with less ardour now that we had spoken the words. "I thought that you were out on tour still."

I knew that he was out on tour because I had checked, I had made sure that we would never be in the same city, and I had not thought that he would travel this far in order to see me. Now that he had I knew that he was serious about us and I wondered how long he would be back in my life before he had to go again.

"I am...we are." Justin said. "I came because I had to see you again, I didn't care about the tour or the group or anything."

"That's a little melodramatic." I laughed uncomfortably. I wasn't the greatest fan of Nsync but I didn't want to be the reason that Justin came away from them or split them up.

"No." Justin said. "I coped without you but it didn't seem enough."

"Justin..." I began to protest but he stopped me.

"No, I managed, the tour was going okay but I felt as if I had left part of myself back in LA and things with Josh aren't the same because I know that he hurt you."

I flinched when I heard the name. Josh was one of those men that had seen me as a sex object, that had taught me that I wasn't worthy of love. And I suppose, looking back on it, that I truly believed that. At least part of me did.

"I'm sorry to interrupt." Adam said as he entered the room, Camille was behind him and he showed her out, then he joined us in the lounge. I could see something playing on Justin's face, it looked like a mix between anger and jealousy and I wondered what he thought was happening here.

"That's okay." I said with a smile. "I didn't mean to chase you out of your own lounge. Justin, this is Adam Burnley, my boss. Adam this is Justin..." I paused as I was not sure how to introduce him, or rather what to introduce him as.

"Hi." Adam said, extending his hand for Justin. Justin shook it firmly. "Are you going to be joining us for a while?"

There was a clear question in Adam's voice that asked what role Justin played in my life. I wondered what Adam thought of us. Adam knew that I was gay, because he knew what I had done in my past and had spun a clever web of lies to mask it. I also knew that he too was gay but there was no attraction there, at least not for me. I, like Justin, thought that my heart still resided in that Los Angeles hotel room where I had first said goodbye.

"I'm not sure." Justin said, looking toward me. "I really should be getting back to the hotel sometime tonight, Lonnie will worry otherwise."

"Lonnie?" Adam asked and it was clear that he was fishing for something.

"Bodyguard." I replied. Justin nodded and appeared surprised that Adam did not know who he was. I wasn't that surprised, Adam was more a classical and opera fan than a pop connoisseur, but maybe he did know who Justin was and was just acting dumb.

"I'm not really supposed to be here." Justin told me. "I snuck out to find you."

"How romantic." Adam commented dryly and I realised that he was angry about something, I just didn't know what.

"You can stay over if you want." I said to Justin. Adam had made it clear that I was allowed guests, so I was going to exercise that right whether or not my host would approve. "Call Lonnie, let him know that you're okay and that you'll come back in the morning."

It seems mad, that I had not wanted Justin there that night, but now I didn't want him to go. All I can say now, looking back, is that I was confused and that having him back I didn't want to let go.

"Okay." Justin said. Then he turned to Adam. "That is, if it's okay with you."

Adam surprised me then. He smiled and didn't protest to Justin staying over as I thought he might have.

"Any friend of Tim's is a friend of mine." He said. "Stay as long as you like."

"Thanks, but Justin will be going back tomorrow." I told him. Adam nodded and then turned to leave.

"Well, I'll leave you to it." He said to me. "Goodnight, and don't forget that we have that interview with the BBC tomorrow at ten."

I had remembered but I knew this was also Adam's way of making sure that I got enough sleep. Sometimes he thought that he was my keeper as well as my friend, but in his defence, it did feel good to have someone looking out for me again.

"Night." I called after him, then stood myself and pulled Justin after me. "Now, where were we?"

And then we retired to my room.

The room I had at Adam's was large, possibly larger than my entire apartment back in LA, but Justin didn't comment on the surroundings, he was too focused on me. I pulled him to me, kissing him softly at first and then getting more adventurous when his wandering hands made it clear that my affections were not misplaced.

Justin was still a virgin in some ways, I knew that because, unless he had been with someone else since me which I doubted, I was his first sexual experience. He was a lot more confident than last time though and it made it a lot easier for me to feel that this was right.

I started to undress him slowly, taking advantage of the freshly exposed skin so that I could gain access to every inch of him and caress the skin that had haunted me in my dreams since January. I remembered Justin's body well, it had starred in a number of fantasies but now as I laid eyes on the real thing again I realised that even my subconscious could not do it justice.

Justin hesitated as I stroked my hands over his chest, almost as if he was not sure of what to do next, but then he seemed to get an idea and began to undress me too. After a moment of tangled limbs I stilled his hands with my own and stepped away, for a moment he seemed to misunderstand my motives and looked bewildered but then I reached down and began to strip off my own clothes. He smiled broadly as he comprehended what I was doing and began to undress himself.

As much as I would have loved to do it for him, to unwrap him as if he were a special gift to me, it had been too long and I was pretty sure that if I had my hands on his hot body then neither of us would last very long.

Justin got done first, perhaps because he was the more eager of us or because my hands had started to sweat slightly and I slipped a couple of times on various fastenings in my hurry to get naked. Of course, having a naked Justin, his cock bobbing against his chest and smiling up at me was not helping my concentration. Finally he moved closer and finished off taking away my clothes.

When we were both naked Justin stepped back, again waiting. I wondered if I was to take the lead again, I guessed I had done so last time so maybe it was something that he expected. I didn't mind. Having my own naked fantasy in my room, really there, live and interactive was definitely something that I could work with.

"Beautiful." I said as I looked him over, allowing my eyes to linger on his body until he blushed and I knew that he was feeling my words. "So fucking gorgeous."

With each word I had moved closer until we were side by side. Justin turned to me, and I got a full view of him, licking my lips I moved one hand to the back of his neck and the other to the small of his back and pulled him to me. We had kissed before this night but now it was different, that was a prelude, as if all of it had been leading to this moment. Skin on skin, cock rubbing together in an agonisingly frustrating yet erotic way.

Justin groaned into the kiss as our cocks brushed against each other. I moved us back slightly, pulling him forward with the hand I had at his coccyx as I walked backward toward the large king size bed.

The backs of my legs hit the bed and I moved down, separating us slightly as I moved towards the bed. Justin waited for me to get comfortable and then moved to lay over me, careful to take the weight so that he was not covering me like a blanket but so that he was still touching me in a lot of places.

I ran my hands down his sculpted back, feeling the figure that he so obviously worked hard to achieve and sliding my hands down until they grasped his butt. I knew that Justin was a virgin, I hadn't gone that far with him and if my theory was believable then there had been no one else. I also knew that this was a sensitive area, but he shivered at the contact and I waited a moment before stroking his firm globes gently.

Justin shuddered against me, falling slightly forward at the sensation as one of my thumbs brushed the inner skin near his opening. I didn't go any further though because I knew that I would not be comfortable with such moves and I didn't want Justin to feel pressured into doing anything. It felt odd to think that he was the elder of us, I was the more experienced.

"I'm going to suck you." Justin whispered as he leaned down to nip my ear. I felt my cock jump in response to the breathy whisper. That was definitely one of my buttons and Justin was pushing it.

"Please..." I begged, barely recognising my own voice. I had been with men before, not all the way but a lot of it, and I had never begged before. This was different, I wanted this and it wasn't because of some need to pay the rent or to get money that I needed, this was just about me.

Justin seemed to like me begging, he nipped playfully at my collar bone and then reached back up to suck at my neck. He kissed me there for a while, as if tasting my skin or wanting to mark me, I didn't mind, but there was something else that I wanted.

"Suck me." I urged as I felt my cock hard and leaking. I wasn't sure how long I would last and I wanted to feel his mouth on me before I did. I wanted that warm, wet sensation as he sucked me.

"Okay." Justin said. He moved down, not wasting much time in teasing me and I wondered if this was the first time that he had given head. When we had been together last time he had stroked me. Not that it hadn't been amazing but I wondered if he knew what to do.

"Justin?" I asked, the question almost panted with anticipation. "Have you done this before?"

Justin shook his head and the fringe that was starting to grow out a bit tickled my belly. He looked up and he was red and there was a slight look of shame on his face. I didn't want that, I felt myself wilt a little when I saw it, so I pulled him gently up to lay beside me on the bed, and kissed him softly.

"I want to try." Justin said softly.

"Okay." I allowed. "Just don't try to take too much in at once. Just do what you feel comfortable with."

Justin nodded, kissing me sloppily on the nose and then pushed me back down so that I was laying on my back. He shifted slightly down the bed and I moved the cushions behind me so that I was half sitting up. It would have been easier for him if he was kneeling but I didn't want him to feel too submissive in this and he knew that I didn't expect him to deep throat me.

Justin stroked me tentatively, causing my slightly wilted erection to come back in full force, and then leaned down. It was hot to see him kiss the tip of my erection. I had to fight my orgasm just from having the slightly rough lips rub my sensitive slot, but once I felt the mouth cover the crown of my cock and Justin begin to lightly suck on the end I knew that it would be worth holding out - If only to see what he would do next.

Justin surprised me by knowing more than I would expect, certainly more than I had my first time. I wondered if he had watched a lot of blue movies or something. He grasped he firmly but not too tightly with one hand, sucking about two inches of me into his mouth and using his other hand to dexterously manipulate my balls. I could feel my orgasm building, my cock was already leaking like a dripping faucet and I knew it was not long. When my balls tightened, indicating that orgasm was imminent, I tried to push Justin away but he didn't move.

Justin took a small amount of my ejaculate into him and then pulled away. I couldn't help but hit him in the chest with the rest of my cum. He coughed slightly, but wasn't choking and the large grin on his face made me realise that it was nothing to worry about, he just wasn't used to it yet.

There was a drop of my cum on his lower lip, Justin licked it off experimentally. I thought it was just about the hottest thing I had seen. Justin was savouring my taste in his mouth. I pulled him down to me for another kiss, allowing my tongue to languorously map his mouth and letting him return it. His cock bumped against my thigh and I knew that he needed some attention. I manoeuvred us so that he was on the bottom and then sat back on my haunches over him, watching him.

Justin grew impatient and moved his own hand to his cock, running a hand down it and then rubbing his thumb over the sensitive end. A drop of precum oozed out and onto his digit, I moved down, grasping his hand and bringing it to my lips as I sucked the semen off and deepened the sucking of his thumb as I bathed it with my tongue. Justin groaned and I knew that his cock was full and ready for me, I let his hand slide from my mouth and leaned down, taking him in my mouth so quickly that I caused him to gasp in surprise.

I started with a small amount, but built up quickly, taking more and more of him into my mouth as I sucked him. I relaxed my throat, knowing that he was close and attempted something that I had only done a few times before, always with someone that I trusted. I had to hold his hips still so that he wouldn't thrust up too much but soon I had worked the whole of his impressive erection into my mouth.

Justin was buried balls deep in me. I wondered what it would feel like to have his cock buried just as deep somewhere else, I hoped that I would be around long enough for him to attempt that.

I don't know if it was the realisation of this, or the reflex of my throat to constrict slightly around his cock, but he came soon after and I swallowed him down. I continued to work him until I knew that he was completely spent and then pulled off.

Justin was stretched out on my bed, relaxed completely and smiling like a satisfied kitten whose just been given the finest cuts of meat. I reached for the baby wipes that I kept at my bedside that I used for cleaning up after masturbation. I wiped my own cock and then took more to clean off Justin's chest where I had splattered him with my come.

He smiled sleepily as I did so, kissing my wrist as my hand wiped across his chin and then yawned.

"Will you wake me in the morning?" He asked. "I have to get back to the hotel on time."

I knew that he was only partially telling the truth, he wanted me to wake him for that but also so that I wouldn't walk out on him again as I had last time. I snuggled in next to Justin and allowed him to cuddle close as I knew he wanted to and he was asleep in minutes. Sleep evaded me though, I was too busy thinking over that final insecurity that Justin had felt. I wondered how he would cope with having to return to the tour the following day.

I had never meant to hurt him so much that he would question everything, but then I had never thought things would go this far.

Now I supposed that I would have to deal with the consequences of my initial decision. I vowed to try and make it up to him so that I would never hurt him again, intentionally or otherwise. And when I eventually slept it was with that promise on my lips.

"I won't leave you." I said softly as I placed a kiss on his forehead. "Not without saying goodbye first."

Justin

Tim woke me early the next morning, kissing me gently awake and then telling me that he had to go. He was already dressed, better than I had seen him before in new black pants and a dark red shirt. The look was good on him, smart but casual and with the top two buttons undone it was really sexy. I wanted to pull him back into bed with me but knew that he had an interview to go to.

"Camille will still be here if you need to go before I get back." Tim told me. "She'll give you a copy of our schedule if you want it, where we'll be promoting the movie and how you can get hold of me. And you can leave me whatever details you want of where you'll be with her."

I knew that this was his way of telling me that a) he wanted to see me again and also b) I could back off if I wanted to. After all, Tim wasn't telling me that I had to take the information, just that it was there if I wanted it. I didn't need to even think about it.

"I'll grab it later." I told him. "But I'll try and still be here when you get back."

I didn't know when my flight would leave or when I would have to be back in Denver. I could meet up with the boys at the next venue if I had to, even though that might mean missing an interview or two, it would be worth it if I could be with Tim just a little longer.

"Don't cancel anything just for me." Tim said as if he could read my mind. "I'll still be here when it's done with."

I hated to tell him that my life was never done with, it was one long promotional whirlwind and I never really got any time off, so I just nodded and kissed him again before shooing him out before I jumped him there and then.

I went back to sleep for a little, wrapping myself around the pillow that had his scent on it and missing him already. When I finally woke it was because I could hear a ringing and I knew from the sound of the tone that it was my cell.

Oh well, back to the real world, I mused as I answered it. The dream had at least been a nice one while it lasted and Tim had agreed to see me again. That was at least something that I could hold onto while I waited. I just hoped that his whirlwind and mine would collide again soon.

That morning as I left the apartment that Tim was sharing with Adam part of me wondered if I would see him again. He had said that we would spend some time together but as the day progressed the doubt and fear of rejection began to set in and I wondered if we were strong enough to survive whatever the world threw at us. Even as a couple in private we would both have to face the pressures of our careers, I wasn't sure if Tim would be able to face that alone. He would be better off with someone that was out of this profession, I just hoped that he never came to that realisation.

I had spoken to Camille, Adam's assistant, about their schedule and had gotten a list of the places that he was visiting for the film. Mostly they were in the large cities that we had already visited, then as he moved on to Europe to do the promotion there I was still stuck in the states on tour. There was no time in the next two months that we could be together, at least not when I compared our schedules.

One night in two months does not a relationship make. Tim and I had not even tied down any rigid plans and I didn't know if he would answer if I called. I was so nervous as they called my plane at the airport that I nearly didn't get on it. I wanted to stay and make sure that Tim and I were okay and that there was a definite plan for our relationship, but I knew that I had other commitments and Tim would not let me get out of them, just as I would not let him give up his own career for me.

As I boarded the plane to return to Denver and meet up with the rest of the band I knew that I was not going to see Tim in a long time, I didn't know if we were together and I didn't know how we should define our relationship. All I knew was that I loved him and that I wanted to be with him. I hoped that he felt the same.

*** TBC