Want

Title: Want. Author: Jezebel the Temptress Feedback: eh_oh_po@yahoo.com

Disclaimers: I do not know any of the celebrities mentioned herein, this has no element of truth to it. This is no reflection on their true sexualities or personalities of Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Lance Bass or any others mentioned. If you are underage for your area or if it is illegal for you to look at this why not go somewhere else.

*** Part 12 *** Josh

I was in my own bedroom that night, choosing to stay in and brood rather than go out clubbing with Chris and Joey. It was really pointless going to straight clubs because I knew that I would not bring anyone home. Even gay clubs seemed redundant because there was only one person that I wanted and he was not available, at least not to me.

Instead I was working on a song that had been running through my head lately, an apology of sorts for betrayal, Justin had inspired me to write it but in a different way than the love songs I had written him in the past.

I was trying to think of another different way to say 'I'm sorry' when there was a knock at my door.

I expected Lance. Recently he had appointed himself as my watcher and was making sure that I ate and slept and generally didn't have the breakdown that I was probably headed for. I got up and opened the door before turning back to my lyric book. I was surprised when I heard a gentle cough behind me. Since when had Lance waited for an invitation?

"Can I come in?" Tim asked.

I was more than surprised. He was the last person that I would expect to turn up at my door.

"I know that I'm not exactly welcome around here but I need to talk to you and I think that you want to hear what I have to say." Tim said. When I did not reply to that he added. "It's about Justin."

I perked up at that. Anything to do with Justin made me sit up and pay attention, although I didn't really want to hear details of his happily ever after with Tim, I wanted to hear about Justin.

"Come in." I said motioning for him to take a seat.

Tim shook his head and instead shut the door and stood with his back against it. He tried to look nonchalant as he did it but I could tell he was still a little apprehensive around me. I didn't blame him after what I had done and could not help but feel guilty.

"You probably heard Justin and I arguing." Tim said.

I hadn't but didn't say that.

"I found something out today that I think you should know, because despite the fact that you and I don't get on, I want Justin to be happy."

"What is it?" I asked. I would do anything for Justin and Tim had to know that, in fact, it was probably one of the few things that the two of us had in common.

"Justin wants you." Tim replied.

If he had told me that Justin was really a girl I don't think that I could have been more surprised. I had been Justin's best friend for years, had wanted him for nearly as long, I was sure that I would have noticed the signs of any interest he had in me. Tim hadn't know Justin very long so either he was making this up or I had misinterpreted what he said.

"Wants me to what?" I asked, thinking that I must just have misheard him the first time.

"He wants you." Tim said. "He wants to hold hands and make love and lose his virginity to you."

"Did you two break up?" I asked, not because I wanted to rub it in but because I truly wanted to know. I knew that Justin was off limits as long as Tim was around and I wouldn't force Justin's hand if he would regret it later. The friendship that I had with Justin was tenuous at best and I didn't want to do anything to jeopardise the small amount of closeness we had left.

"No." Tim said. "At least not yet. I told him that I thought he should be with you."

"But it's you that he's in love with." I countered. I wasn't sure why I was trying to talk him out of something that would ultimately leave the path free for me to get Justin, no, strike that, I did know why, Tim had said it earlier - I wanted Justin to be happy. We both wanted Justin to be happy.

"You're more of a partner to him than I'll ever be, you're his best friend, his band mate and closest confidant." Tim replied flatly. "You can be there for him 24/7, I'll be lucky to even see him a few weeks a year if my career takes off, and even if it doesn't there is only so much time I can spend on tour with you before someone questions why I am here."

"Justin and I aren't best friends at the moment, but then you knew that." I said, not meaning it to sound as accusatory as it had. Nothing about that night in the cheap motel room was Tim's fault, it was all mine, but I still had a hard time accepting I had done it at all. "I didn't mean that." I said, immediately contrite. "I know that in the motel room that night..."

He cut me off before I could continue.

"I understand why you did it. It was because you love Justin. You wanted what was best for him and that wasn't me."

"It was because I was jealous and I was stupid." I replied. It was dawning on me that Tim believed he wasn't worthy of Justin and that perhaps he was trying to get me to agree with him on that. A few weeks ago I would have but I had begun to re-evaluate my life in the last few weeks that I had spent in near isolation. "I wanted Justin for myself and couldn't see that you were actually making him happy. I don't think I've ever seen him this in love about anyone else he's ever dated. Especially not this early on."

"You're his oldest friend and he loves you in ways he will probably never care for me. You were there from the beginning and I don't have that with him. I barely know Justin at all." Tim said.

"It'll take time to build up to that kind of knowledge about each other, but if you break up with him now you'll never know if he could love you like that. How do you know his love won't be deeper for you?" I asked. I saw the way that Justin looked at Tim, it was the same way I looked at Justin but I had never seen those baby blue eyes shining in love as they looked in my direction and I wasn't sure I ever would. Justin loved Tim and it had not escaped my attention that it was the kind of love that you only find once in a lifetime. I wanted only the best for Justin and if that was Tim I would have to accept it, I didn't have to like it, but I had to accept it.

"I don't know if I can be all of that for him." Tim said. "You already are."

"There is more than one way to love someone." I replied.

Tim's brow furrowed, he stepped into the room slightly, moving away from the door as if needing more space and walked a few steps forward before turning back. It was as if he was pacing, trying to gather his thoughts and knowing that he was probably going through an emotional rollercoaster at the moment I let him gather his thoughts.

"So you think that you can love more than one person?" Tim asked.

"Sure." I replied. I loved Chris and Joey and Lance but not in the same way that I lover Justin.

"Would you be able to share that love?" He asked, his voice soft now, uncertain and barely above a whisper.

"Share it?" I asked, not quite sure what he meant. As far as I was aware I gave my love freely and openly - wasn't that sharing it with the person I loved?

"I don't know if I am enough for Justin. Maybe you're right and you wouldn't be either." Tim replied. "But together we could be."

"You mean share him?" I asked incredulously.

"Justin wants us both and we both want Justin to be happy."

"Don't you think that you should talk to Justin first before you go making any plans?" I asked uneasily.

"You don't want him?" Tim countered.

I couldn't answer that, he knew full well that I still wanted Justin, more than wanted, I needed Justin.

"Of course I want him." I said. "I love him. I'm in love with him. But that doesn't mean that he'll want me, or want me in this way."

"It's the best possible situation." Tim replied.

"So, how are you going to tell Justin that?" I asked.

Tim looked at me blankly and I realised what he meant.

"You want me to tell him?" I asked.

"We should both tell him." Tim said.

I nodded. If we were going to burn for this we might as well go together. For the first time I found that I had something to share with Tim and it made me wonder how this would work if we carried on with our mutual disliking. Maybe it wouldn't work at all or maybe Justin would say no. Part of me was scared to even try this but another part, the one that liked to take risks, told me that this was my one chance to be with Justin and that I should take it.

I went for the risk.

Never let it be said that JC Chasez takes the easy way out.

Tim

Someone asked me once why I had instigated such a ridiculous plan. I had Justin already, why did I even bother to ask Josh to share him? I wouldn't have been able to tell you why then but I guess I was worried more than anything that I would not be able to keep Justin. I knew that he loved me, but at the end of the day, I didn't think that was enough. I had spent a lot of my life with men that saw me as a toy, something to be used and thrown aside, I thought that maybe Justin would be the same and with Josh around I knew where he would wander first.

Sharing Justin with Josh was my way of holding on to him for as long as I could. If I let Justin know that he could have Josh maybe that would stop him wanting anyone else. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't, so they say.

I'm not explaining it well, Josh would probably do it so much better because he is better at using words than me, but I just thought that with Josh's help maybe I could have Justin for just a little bit more. Back then I thought it was inevitable that I would lose him and I wanted him in my life for as long as possible. I knew he would leave me eventually and when he did I wanted as many memories as possible to take with me.

I didn't believe in forever back then, I'm not sure I do even now, but in those days I was still hoping for just one more day with the man of my dreams.

Josh was the way to get that result.

We headed back to the room that I was sharing with Justin, both of us more nervous than the other and twice as scared. I don't think we quite knew what we were doing even as I tried the door and, despite my shaking hands, opened it on the first try.

Josh and I were the unlikeliest of teams and yet we knew we had to do this because of the shared goal we had.

When Justin slowly turned towards the door, his red rimmed eyes looking up at us, I don't think I had ever seen him more shocked or more petrified.

"You told him?" He asked, his voice low and raspy from crying. He sounded as if he had lost not only his lover but his best friend as well, and I suppose if this had gone differently it may had ended up that way.

I nodded and Justin's eyes began to leak again.

"It's okay." Josh said smoothly, moving past me and going straight to the bed and straight to Justin. "Tim and I have talked it through and we think that we have a solution." He said honestly. "And no matter what happens, no matter what you say to this, I want you to know that things with you and Tim will be okay."

"Promise?" Justin asked, sounding like an insecure child who needed constant reassurance. I felt the same way but there was no one there to reassure me.

"I promise." Josh said, his voice filled with certainty.

I wish that I could have been so sure.

Justin

I knew when Tim walked out that things would never be the same between us again. I thought that they would be over and that we would never get the chance at love that I so wanted. I never thought that he would do what he did. To be honest I don't think that Tim had really thought he would do that either, at least not at first.

I wanted to go after him when he left me but I didn't dare. I had convinced myself that he was in a temper right now but that when things calmed down a little I might have a chance to at least salvage our friendship. So, instead of running after him as I probably should have, I threw myself onto the bed and cried.

It sounds childish now but I didn't think anything else could be done and the futility of the whole situation forced the tears to fall. What was worse was that I had bought this whole thing down on myself. If I had not wanted Josh, if I had not fantasised about us being together, then none of this would have happened.

In the moment that I should have been out trying to save my love life I was wallowing in self pity instead.

When I heard the door my heart rose, part of me hoping that Tim was back to apologise and that it would all work out again, but when I saw Josh there behind him, his face clouded in emotion I knew what had happened. Tim had told Josh and things would never be the same for any of us again.

Josh sat next to me as I lay on the bed and comforted me as he had done when we were both still boys. It felt different now but still calmed me as it had when we were touring Europe that first time. I had been more naive back then and more ready to believe what I was told at face value. I don't know if it was the soothing tone of Josh's voice or if it was the familiarity of our positions but I felt like that child again so when he promised me that it would all be okay between Tim and I, I believed him.

I had no idea what the pair of them were about to suggest.

"Justin?" Tim asked, sounding uncertain as he sat on my opposite side on the bed. I reached for him and sat up, pulling away from Josh as I did so and wondering if this was some physical manifestation of what we had been through these last months. Here I was, trapped between my best friend and my boyfriend, exactly where I had been emotionally since my birthday.

"Tim, I'm sorry..." I said, knowing that I needed to apologise for before. He shook his head and at first I thought that he was not accepting my apology.

"No." Tim replied. "It is me that should be sorry. I know that you and Josh are special to each other, I just didn't know how special until now..."

Tim swallowed, looking nervously between Josh and myself before settling his gaze off into the distance so that he was not looking at either of us.

"That's why I want you two to be together." Tim said.

"Tim, No!" I protested. I loved Josh but I was in love with Tim. I didn't want to lose him over this. "I can't lose you."

"You don't have to." Josh said softly. "You could have both of us."

"I..." I didn't know what to say to that. What do you say when someone suggests a threesome? At least that was what I thought they were suggesting. How could they though when the pair of them could barely stand to be in the same room together?

"You can't." I said finally.

"It's for the best." Tim responded. "If you and Josh aren't allowed to be together then I would always wonder if you were wishing I had stepped aside and let you go with him, be with him. If we do it this way at least I won't come home one day to find you together in bed."

"I wouldn't do that to you." I replied, aghast that he would even think that possible. "Tim, I love you and that means I wouldn't cheat on you."

"But you do want to. You want to sleep with Josh, to be with Josh. You said as much earlier so you can't deny it." Tim answered. "I want you to have everything that you want and so does Josh." This time he looked at Josh who nodded and then looked at me.

"Justin, you know that I want to be with you and now that I know you want me too it would be hard not to act on those feelings. I know that you love Tim but do you think that you could grow to love me too?"

There was an edge to Josh's voice, an insecurity that I only really heard in his voice when he talked about the birth parents that he never knew, he loved me and it showed in his emotion. I had to tell him the truth.

"I already love you Jayce, I always have." I said. "I think that could grow into something more."

"Does that mean that you want to do this?" Tim asked. "You want to be with us both?"

"I don't know." I replied honestly. It was a lot to take in. "How exactly would this work?"

Tim looked at Josh again and then at me.

"Josh and I would spend time with you separately." Tim said, surprising both Josh and I. "He could be with you when I can't be of course but I would hope you could visit me when you get time off. When you're touring I guess we would take it in turns..."

There was a brief silence as if Tim had run out of things to say and Josh and I were still trying to process what he had already shared.

"I think that I should give the pair of you some time now." Tim said. "You haven't been alone together for a while. Maybe you should talk."

He stood and moved towards the door, he paused briefly to look at me and Josh as if he wanted to ask something then sighed and walked out. I was still too stunned to stop him.

"Josh?" I asked, looking up at him and seeing for the first time the unshed tears in his eyes.

"It's okay Justin." Josh said softly, as if this was a standard reply to the distress in my voice. "Maybe Tim is right, we do have a few things that we should talk about."

I nodded but remained silent after a moment Josh moved to sit next to me and pulled me down so that my head rested on his shoulder. There was a lot that we had to talk about, Tim was right, but for now the only communication Josh and I did was nonverbal. Sometimes the best conversations are ones that have no words at all.

Tim

As I left the hotel room I felt more alone than I had for years. I had lived by myself for years in LA trying to sort out my life, never having more than a passing acquaintance for company, and now I was lonely in a hotel full of people. It was ridiculous. The problem was that it didn't feel that way then. I felt isolated and abandoned with no real means of escape.

I wished that I could call Adam but I knew he had his reservations about Justin and this would just cement them. Adam wanted the best for me and for whatever reasons he didn't think Justin was that. If I told him that I was going to share Justin with another man, and worse still a man that had beaten me up and caused me to question myself, he would have told me I was mad.

I didn't need that. What I needed at that point was someone that would listen to me, someone that knew the situation but was at the same time more detached from it than Josh or Justin.

I'm not sure if I ever really made a conscious decision to go to him or if it was my subconscious mind that chose but somehow I ended up knocking at Lance's door.

There was silence after I had knocked, long enough for me to question if he was out for the evening, and I was just about to knock again when he answered the door. Lance seemed preoccupied for a moment, looking over his shoulder and then back to me. Belatedly he smiled.

"Hi." He said amiably. "Are you okay?"

I didn't react at first, my face must have been a picture of concentration as I tried not to fall apart, and I knew that he sensed something was wrong.

"What is it?" He asked me, the concern in his voice. "Is it Justin?" He looked over my shoulder and then back to me. "Where is Justin?"

I snorted, aiming for laughter and instead getting a sob.

Lance knew that this was not something that we should be doing in public, even if the hotel was booked out by Nsync personnel, and pulled me inside. I felt another sob coming and fought to hold back the tide of emotion. I knew that if I let myself go then I would not be able to control what happened afterwards.

Lance headed for the sofa, pausing a moment to clear up some papers. I took a moment to breath and realised that I was probably interrupting something.

"I'm sorry...I'll go." I said as I realised that he was working on one of his other businesses. Justin had told me how important these were to his friend and I didn't want to interfere with the little time that he had to do this.

"You're not going anywhere." Lance said to me as he pushed the last of his papers aside. "You're going to sit down and tell me what this is about."

It was obvious that Lance was concerned and I realised that I still hadn't explained about Justin.

"Justin is fine." I said softly. "I... He's with Josh."

"Do I need to call security?" Lance asked, and by the tone of his voice he was not joking.

"No!" I said a little too quickly. "They're talking some things through and I thought that they needed a little time to sort things out. I didn't mean to disturb you, I just didn't know where else to go..."

"It's okay." Lance said sympathetically. "I know that this must be tearing you apart. Now, why don't you sit down and tell me what else is bothering you..." He said, indicating to the sofa as he took a seat himself.

It dawned on me then that he was not just worried about Justin. Lance really did want to hear about my problems and I didn't know why.

"I..." I swallowed, trying again to fight the wave of emotion as I thought about what I wanted to say. "Justin wants to be with Josh, and I already knew that Josh wanted Justin. I thought that maybe they should have the chance to sort things out...I thought that Josh and Justin deserved the chance to be together."

"What about you?" Lance asked.

"I'll still be with Justin..." I said. "I wouldn't let him go without a fight, but I think that he and Josh should have a chance too. So Josh and I...we're going to share him."

"Justin suggested this?" Lance asked, obviously outraged that his friend would treat anyone like that.

"NO!" I said, appalled that he would accuse Justin of that. "I did." I looked away from him, not wanting to see the judgement in his eyes. If he had been outraged that Justin, his friend, would suggest such a thing then what would he think of me. Instead of his anger I felt a soft hand touch me on the arm.

"I don't think that I've heard anything more romantic in my life." Lance said. "That you would do this...for Justin..."

"I just want Justin to be happy."

"He is happy with you." Lance argued.

"Yeah, but maybe I'm not enough..." I said.

Lance looked as if he was going to argue with that but I wasn't really comfortable talking about that with him so instead I picked up a random piece of paper and read a few words of it.

"What's this?" I asked, trying to sound genuinely interested. "Are you writing a film?"

"Actually, no." He said. "At least I'm not writing it. I have a small film company."

"A Happy Place." I replied with a nod. Justin had told me a little about it when we discussed acting and Lance had told me more when he tried to talk me into taking him on as my manager. "Is that what you were working on when I interrupted?"

"I'm just going over a few scripts, looking at where we can go next." Lance said. "It's not easy when I have a limited budget but there are some good writers out there..."

"You need a hand?" I offered. I didn't really have a lot else to do and it would take my mind off Justin being with Josh.

Lance's eyes lit up at the offer and I could see that I had successfully drawn him away from my revelations about Josh, Justin and me.

"Would you?" He asked excitedly. "It'd be great to get your perspective on things."

"I've only been in one film." I said with a shrug. "That makes me about as qualified as you."

"Yeah, but yours was a success..." Lance argued.

"It's still just one film." I said. "But I don't mind helping you sift through some of these. You never know, I might find my next big break..."

And as conversation turned more to films and the scripts that Lance was looking over I realised that I was as excited as him about finding a gem amongst the scripts he had. I had not been joking about finding a script for me. After all if leaving Justin and Josh alone together meant that I lost Justin then I would need something else to fill my time and acting hadn't been so hard.

Josh

As Justin lay against me there in that hotel room I wondered if life got better than this. There was still a small niggling doubt in the back of my mind that reminded me that we still had a long way to go but I wanted to ignore it. Justin and I were closer than we had been in months and I wanted to keep hold of that.

"Josh?" Justin said after we had lain there for some time. "How is this going to work?"

I suppose it was a realistic question. Tim and I had suggested something that was great in theory but if I was honest with myself I had no idea how it would work in practice. The question was whether or not I told Justin that. After a moment I realised that we had gotten so far apart from lying and that I was not going to do that to him again.

"I don't know." I replied. "I guess that you will have to split your time between Tim and I."

Justin sat up and for one panicked moment I thought that he was pulling away from me because he had changed his mind. It was only as he turned to sit opposite me that I realised that he wanted a conversation and wanted to be looking at me when he did that. Despite the lack of contact I was not about to complain, Justin had amazing eyes and I could watch him for hours.

"You make that sound easy." Justin said. "I don't know how I can do that without hurting both of you."

"Tim and I will have to learn to be thankful for the time we have with you." I replied. "And you don't have to worry about hurting us, we both know why we are doing this."

"Why are you doing this?" Justin asked me, as if he truly did not understand.

"Because we love you."

It sounded so simple when I said it. It made me wonder why everyone didn't do this, there must be plenty of people out there that were lonely because the one they loved already had one partner.

"I don't..." Justin paused, trying to find the right words, he frowned as he did so. "I don't get it."

I chuckled at that.

"To be honest I'm not sure that we do yet either, but this really is the best thing to do." I said. "Tim wants you to be happy, to have every chance in the world to do what you want and that includes being with me."

"I don't think I could do the same if Tim wanted to be with someone else." Justin answered. I knew how that felt. If I were in Tim's shoes I don't think that I could have made the decision to share Justin either, but I was not about to try and talk him out of it if his decision meant that I could be with Justin.

"Me either." I replied. "I think that Tim is probably a lot stronger than people give him credit for. I certainly misjudged him when I first met him..." I said, trailing off when I realised that we were heading into a subject that we should probably steer clear of.

"Why did you hate him so much?" Justin asked. Obviously I was the only one that wanted to avoid the subject. Maybe Tim had been right, maybe we did need to talk about things, maybe we needed to talk about this.

"I was jealous." I replied. "Tim was supposed to help you lose your cherry, he wasn't supposed to make you fall in love with him. I hoped that in time that would be my role."

"Why didn't you..." Justin paused, but I knew what he was asking. Why didn't I suggest myself for his first time?

"I didn't want to be accused of turning you gay, despite the fact that most of our friends are open-minded there are still people that think I somehow converted Lance. I didn't want the same thing for you and I didn't want you to feel pressured into anything either, like you had to be gay to be my friend."

"I had to fall in love with you to be your friend though," Justin countered, "as soon as I met someone else you stopped being there for me."

"I was wrong." I answered, feeling the pain of the last few months rise through me again as I did so. "If I could take it all back I would but I can't. I'm sorry for not being there for you, I'm sorry for what I did to Tim and, although I hate to admit it, I'm glad that you and Tim sorted things out."

"Did you apologise to Tim?" Justin asked.

I realised that I hadn't, not in so many words, and maybe I should. Tim had given me everything I had dreamed of and I hadn't even apologised for hurting him and almost ruining his chances with Justin.

"No, but I will."

"And if we do this, will we be friends again?" Justin asked. He really wasn't holding anything back tonight. I suppose if we were going to be together they were all issues that did need to be addressed.

"I hope that we'll always be friends," I responded hopefully, "we'll just be adding a new aspect to that friendship."

"Okay." Justin answered.

There was a brief silence before Justin spoke again.

"Can we kiss now?"

I chuckled softly at the question, asked so seriously as if he were asking something much more important. Justin huffed softly and pushed me back onto the bed, taking my laughter as a response and leaning down for a kiss. When his lips met mind there was a brief spark between us as I had always imagined there would be, but this was so much better than any fantasy I had over the years. There was a lot for us to work on but for the first time that night I felt as if this might really work. I hoped that Tim hadn't changed his mind because after one kiss from Justin I was falling in love all over again and I wouldn't give him up without a fight.

Tim

Any misconceptions I may have had about Lance and his motives in getting to know me were dispelled as we sat and talked that night. At first I wondered if he cared about me only because of Justin, or only because I could further his film or management career in some way, but after getting to know him I knew that Lance was the type of person who genuinely cares if you are okay. We talked about more than films and work and he asked more about me that night than he did about Justin.

Sometimes you can meet someone and know instantly that you want to know them better. Lance was that for me. It wasn't that I wanted to fall in love with Lance or that I was in lust with him it was deeper than that. I felt as if I had found the other half of my soul.

We talked late into the night so much so that I almost managed to forget that I had left Josh and Justin in our hotel room discussing their future together. When Lance yawned I was reminded just how late it was and that maybe I should be getting back. Unlike other people Lance seemed to understand immediately that I had to go and didn't seem upset at all that I was leaving.

"Thanks for tonight." I said after giving Lance a brief hug. "I really needed someone to talk to."

Lance smiled softly, a smile that seemed to light up his whole face, and shrugged.

"You weren't the only one." He replied, and for the first time I wondered if he was lonely out on tour with no one there for him. I vowed to try and spend more time with him if I could so that he would not be so alone. "I'll bear in mind what you said about this script." Lance said, holding up one in particular that we had both admired. The story was good but I felt the character needed a little reworking and told him as much.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I said, knowing that no matter what happened with the rest of the night that I would at least stop in to say goodbye.

Lance nodded and then shut the door after me.

As I headed back to the room that I shared with Justin I felt a little less alone and a little more able to cope with Justin and Josh.

I'm not sure that I was completely able to cope with what I found.

Justin

It was like a dream come true to finally be able to kiss Josh and as is inevitable the kissing lead to more. I finally had all that I wanted in the world laid out before me and I wanted to take this chance in case it was the last one I got to be with Josh. Tim had said that we could be together but I still couldn't get around how anyone could be that magnanimous. If Tim rescinded the offer tomorrow then I would have to push Josh away in order to keep Tim, but for tonight he was finally mine.

"Oh...God..." JC groaned out as I rubbed his hard cock through his pants. I could feel the dampness that was just seeping through the front of them and knew that he was ready to explode. When he did I didn't want it to be anywhere but inside me.

"Hang on..." I said as I began to unbutton and unzip him, pushing the material away a little too roughly to get to my prize. Josh grunted slightly but stilled when I moved back down the bed so that I could get a good view of his naked cock. I don't think that he meant for it to go that far that fast but we had both been denied this too long and I was not about to slow down.

I took a little of Josh in my mouth, suckling the crown of his cock gently before taking in another inch or so. Tim had taught me that it didn't matter if I couldn't take it all in at once, as long as I did work the amount that I had in my mouth. Josh was big, a little shorter than Tim but a good half inch wider and it took a moment to get used to his size and weight in my mouth. Josh moaned as I continued sucking him, slowly taking in a little more each time I moved back down his cock.

I had almost four inches in my mouth when the door opened and I heard Tim enter.

Josh's erection started to wane as I pulled back in shock, I'm not sure if it was the surprise of being discovered by Tim or if it was the fact that I had jumped away from him as if his come burned my mouth but he didn't look at all aroused anymore.

I'm not sure whether Tim or Josh was paler at that moment.

"I'm sorry..." Tim said, turning on his heel and leaving before I had even found my voice.

I knew that if I let Tim walk out on me a second time that night that I would not get another chance but as I jumped up I felt a hand on my shoulder stilling me. At first I was angry that Josh would even try to stop me going after my lover until I realised that he was trying to calm me down and not trying to obstruct me.

"I'll go." Josh said, jumping from the bed and pulling on his pants. "If there is anyone that should be apologising it is me."

"I need to go after him, Josh." I answered.

"No." Josh replied firmly. "You need to stay here and work out how you can make this up to him. I'll get him back here for you."

I paused for a moment, taking in what Josh was saying and realised that he was right. Even if I did go after Tim I had no idea what I was going to say. It would be better to let Josh bring him back so that I had time to plan the words before speaking them. I didn't know what I needed to say yet but I had to make it good, otherwise I was going to lose Tim and this time no amount of begging would get him back.

"Tell him I'm sorry." I said to Josh, who was already on his way out of my room.

"I won't have to." Josh said firmly. "You can tell him yourself when I bring him back."

Josh sounded so adamant that Tim would come back that I couldn't help but believe it too. I was clinging desperately to that last hope because life without Tim was not something which I could even imagine.

Josh

I was used to fast costume changes being onstage but I don't think that I have ever dressed as quickly as I did that day. I was dressed and out of the door in under 30 seconds, not caring that my feet were bare or that the paving outside the door was cold beneath them.

Tim was standing a few feet away from me as I slowed down, he didn't seem to be going anywhere and was just looking down onto the pool below. He seemed lost in thought and I almost felt guilty for disturbing him but there were things that had to be said and I knew that they could not wait.

"I'm sorry." I said as I stood next to him on the balcony.

"It's my fault." Tim responded. "I should have known better than to walk in on the two of you."

"No." I replied, knowing that if I did not say this now then I would probably chicken out at a later date. "You trusted Justin and I tonight and we broke that trust. You left us to talk and we ended up doing more than that."

"I didn't say that you couldn't." Tim countered and I realised just how little he thought of himself. Tim thought it was his fault that Justin and I had betrayed him because he hadn't set ground rules just as he thought that Justin wanted me because he was not man enough for Justin. I'd never seen Tim as vulnerable before that moment and now I wondered how I could get him past his insecurity.

"If you decide that we should still go ahead with this then I think we ought to have some ground rules." I said desperately hoping that he would not take Justin away from me now that I had a taste of what it would be like with him. "I also hope that you and I can get to know each other a little better too."

Tim become rigid as I said the words and I realised their double meaning. I hadn't meant it as a come on but I realised that given the fragile state of our relationship it could easily have been taken out of context.

"I mean that it would be better if we are at least on speaking terms if we are going to be with Justin." I said. Tim nodded but retained his unnatural stance. "I know that what I did was wrong, I can't even begin to express how sorry I am and how much I wish I could take it all back and start over, but I know that is not possible. I just hope that we can start from here and maybe build up at least an acquaintance."

"It's probably best." Tim said, sounding none too pleased about the idea of having to spend time with me.

"I don't expect you to trust me overnight but..." I trailed off realising that I had to phrase this in exactly the right way or else he might not understand. "I was hoping that the pair of us could spend some time together these next few days. You can ask Justin along if you want and I'll understand if you don't want us to be alone."

"Okay." Tim said reluctantly.

"I think we ought to go back to Justin." I said, realising that the pair of us had been talking for a while. "He's probably worried himself sick by now..."

Tim looked back towards the door and then to me. I couldn't work out what was wrong at first and then I realised that he was still uncomfortable around me and that while Justin and I had sorted out our differences the pair of them had not had that luxury.

"That is, unless you want to be alone." I added, allowing Tim the out that he was unable or unwilling to ask for. Tim nodded but did not speak and I saw just how hard this was for him. "Okay, tell Justin that I'll see him tomorrow." I said as I headed back towards my room. Tim hesitated a moment, as if watching to see what I would do, before heading off towards Justin's room.

"And Tim..." I called out to him as he walked away. I wanted to say something profound but it was late and I couldn't think of anything on the spur of the moment. "I'll see you tomorrow too."

Tim turned and gave me a slight smile and a wave. It must have taken a lot for him to do that and I realised that maybe he wasn't quite so vulnerable after all. In fact he was one of the strongest people that I knew.

Tim

I headed back towards the room that I had shared with Justin. Somehow it felt wrong to be going back there, almost as if I might walk in on something that I was not supposed to but I knew that Josh had returned to his own room and that I would find only Justin on the other side of the door. For some reason that scared me just as much.

Justin was sitting on the edge of the bed when I entered, he was obviously nervous because he was watching TV with the remote in his hand, flicking channels every few seconds as if trying to search for something that would hold his interest for any length of time. When he heard the door latch behind me he turned and looked up at me expectantly.

"Hey." I said lamely as I searched for something to say. I tried to smile, making it seem as if everything was alright. Inside I was shaking like a leaf.

Justin didn't say anything, I suppose because he was scared to frighten me off again so I knew that I would have to make the first step. Justin had tracked me down all those months ago and I realised that now it was my turn to go out on a limb to save our relationship.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you earlier." I started. "And I'm sorry for interrupting you and Josh. If this thing between us is going to work then we clearly need to set some ground rules." Repeating the words that Josh had spoken, I knew that they were true.

Justin nodded, his gaze never leaving me. I knew that he was looking for more but I wasn't sure what else I could give.

"Josh made a promise earlier that no matter what we agreed that you and me would be okay. I want you to know that I promise that too." I said, swallowing the lump forming in my throat as I said the final part. "Even if you decide that you want to be with only Josh I will accept that."

Justin stood as I said the words, holding his arms open and moving towards me to hug me.

"I love you." Justin said. "I'm not going to leave you and I hope to god that one day you'll believe that."

I nodded, I didn't want to answer him because I was hurt and insecure and didn't believe the words. I hoped too that one day I would.

"We need to get some rest." I said, pulling out of the embrace. "It's been a hard day for all of us and we're supposed to be leaving tomorrow."

Justin nodded, pausing by the bedside as he looked towards me.

"Are you staying?" He asked softly as he looked towards the door. I realised that he thought I might return to my own room, the one that I had barely used since arriving there.

"Do you want me to stay?" I replied.

Justin nodded tersely and I could see that the emotion of the day was getting to him. It was a lot to take in.

"Let me wash up and I'll be in in a moment." I responded with an easy smile. I didn't lock the bathroom door as I had earlier but took a moment to splash some water on my face and take a few deep breathes.

I was in completely over my head and I knew it but this felt like the only way that I was going to be able to keep Justin with me. I wanted to hold on to what we had for as long as I could.

Taking one final breath I crossed back into the hotel room and pulled off my shirt and pants, leaving only my boxers. I was glad that Justin was already under the covers and I climbed in beside him, waiting only a moment before I pulled him close to me.

"Tim, I..."

"Hush." I said, cutting him off. We had talked far too much that night and all I wanted to do now was rest. "We can talk more tomorrow, for now I just want to hold you."

Justin let out a soft sigh and snuggled closer, the tension that I had felt earlier easing as he slid into sleep.

My own rest was more elusive but I was content to hold Justin and watch as he slept. When he whimpered in his sleep, some nightmare about the day, I soothed him and eventually I too succumbed to sleep.

To Be Continued