Want

Want Part 9 Author: Jezebel the Temptress Feedback: eh_oh_po@yahoo.com

Disclaimers: I do not know any of the celebrities mentioned herein, this has no element of truth to it. If you are underage for your area or if it is illegal for you to look at this why not go somewhere else.

Josh

I didn't even know that he had gone until it was already too late. I wonder now if I would have stopped him, or told him not to go, not that it would have done any good. Justin is as stubborn as a mule and I knew that I would not have been able to talk him out of chasing some guy half way around the country, I knew within my heart that part of Justin's charm was that he would chase you halfway around the world if he thought it would help.

All I could do while he was away was wait. It got difficult. I didn't know what to expect when Justin returned, if he had not found Tim then I would most likely be treated to the silent treatment again, but I didn't think I wanted to know what it would be like if Justin had found him.

In the end it ended up being my worst nightmare.

Justin was ready to meet us, at the airport as we had arranged. He was there in the VIP section as we got in, a broad smile on his face and a piece of paper clutched in his hands as if it held all of the answers to the meaning of life. This was not a good sign. I could tell just from that look that he was happy, and I knew in my subconscious that somehow his happiness was linked to Tim, he must have found him.

"Justin." Chris called as he went to him. "We missed you so much, please, never leave us again." He was pouting and everyone laughed.

Chris was always joking around with that kind of thing, showing off and wanting to make everyone laugh. Usually it was an admirable quality, but I wanted to wipe that smug grin off his face, I didn't want anyone to ridicule what I was actually feeling. I was sad. I did miss Justin. Not only while he was away, but even then I missed him, or at least missed the Justin that I had known. This new Justin, the one that had fallen in love with Tim was not the Justin that I knew, and part of me knew that he never would be again. I didn't ever want Justin to leave me, and now he had, he had grown up and I knew that he was with someone else. Sure, he was still in the band with me, but it wasn't my band, it was Chris' and Justin wasn't just mine anymore, not only did I have to share him with the band, and with the fans but now I had to share him with Tim too.

"I won't leave again." Justin said and I knew the words were true.

This wasn't my Justin anymore. I would miss him.

The tour continued. That was the story of our life as Nsync, one long tour with brief breaks for recording or rehearsals. If it weren't for the week at Christmas and the few days we got off during the year it would have been one long tour. The time after Justin came back from New York was no exception.

We moved from city to city, the colours on the bedspreads in each city about the only thing that changed and even they tended to only alternate between pink, beige and grey. Sometimes when you're on tour weeks will pass before you really realise that your life is slipping away. Our life was a little easier now that Justin had Tim back in his life. He was at least speaking to me again, the same civil tone as before but sometimes we would talk about things that were not work related, like the weather or the sports. It was a start at least.

Six weeks went by without me really noticing it.

We were well into Spring now, I remember a teacher at Sunday School telling me once that Spring was a time for new beginnings. I wonder now if that were true.

We moved into the final leg of the tour, eight more weeks and then we would be home. Of course that was home in Florida and not in our real homes, I couldn't remember the last time that I had been home to Maryland to see my Mom and Dad. But of course we were to be in Orlando because that is where all boy bands must live. To anyone under 16 years of age Florida is better known as the "Boy band state" than the "Sunshine state." We were not there for a holiday either, we would be into the studio to get some work done and to discuss the European leg of the tour.

That was later though, for now we were still out on tour with eight weeks left. Eight weeks that would change my life and that of the band and would be a new beginning just as there should be in Springtime.

Eight weeks with one difference than the rest of the tour.

Tim came with us.

Tim

I wonder sometimes if that was how it should have ended, just like Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart, with Justin getting on his plane to fly away and me staying where I was. Except I wasn't in Casablanca, I was in New York, and I wasn't there to help the resistance I was there to promote a film. Come the next day I too would be boarding a plane and I would not be coming back to New York for some time, maybe ever.

I had told Justin that he could get a copy of our schedule, and I knew that after coming to find me he was likely to call but it was still a surprise to hear from him. I guess there was a part of me that was telling myself that Justin didn't want me, that I didn't deserve him and that I certainly didn't deserve to be loved. Even with the slight modicum of success that I had there was a lot left that I still had left to achieve and I was not on par with Justin. He deserved better, but while he was still fooling himself that we should be together I would enjoy the attention. After all, I didn't know when it would be gone.

So for the next six weeks, while Adam and I took our whirlwind tour of all of the places that I had only ever dreamed about visiting, I continued to be surprised when Justin called each day, sometimes twice a day, and waited for the other shoe to drop.

We spoke at length on various topics, him telling me about the tour, giving me advice on interview techniques and how to talk a lot but never really say anything. Sometimes I would wonder if he practised that last one on me, after all over the hours of conversation that we must have racked up we never really seemed to talk on anything of consequence. We had been dating for nearly two months without actually mentioning the fact that we were dating, we were both exclusive, preferring to jerk off while on the phone than go out and get the freely available sex that was on offer to any celebrity. Neither of us dared talk about a commitment though and even mentioning terms like "Boyfriend" or "Lover" was too dangerous because we both feared losing the other.

By the time the film tour was over and I was ready to fly back to the states I wasn't even sure if Justin and I were much more than friends with benefits. Of course looking back on it I know that this was just insecurity speaking, we had made some level of commitment back at Adam's place, but we had never gotten anything concrete.

It wasn't really until it came time for me to get on the plane to America that I thought about what I was going to do next.

"Camille wants to book the tickets." Adam told me that night as we ate Thai from some small restaurant in London.

It was supposed to be exclusive but a lot of small time celebrities were in there begging Adam for parts, in the end we had switched the order to go and were now in his hotel room.

"And?" I asked as I slurped down something with noodles.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked. "I've got to go back to New York to meet with the publishers, they want a sequel to the book, I don't think that they quite understand that you can't write a sequel to a book where the lead character dies."

"So this is the end of the road?" I asked.

It felt like the end of something more, because Adam had pulled me out of my life, given me the world on a platter and then left me. I felt bereft, I knew that I couldn't go back to my old life but I didn't really have a new one to go to. The question of what I was going to do when this was over had not really occurred to me until that minute.

"Well, you can come to New York if you want. But it'll just be a whole bunch of meetings." Adam said. "Besides, you need to go out there and get an agent, find other film work while this one is still in people's minds."

I knew that it was a brush off, his way of pushing his young protégé out into the world, but I was not really ready for the stabilisers to be taken off. Adam and his wealth had given me a safety net for if this had not worked out, but he was taking that away and now I was all on my own. Except I wasn't, not really. I realised that when I thought about it for a moment. There was one place that I had left to go, or rather one person to go to.

"Can you get Camille to find out about a flight into Chicago for Tuesday?" I asked

That was the only destination that I could remember from the long tour schedule that Justin had given me. He had been moaning that night that he hated the colder cities, even my pointing out that it was Spring and so better there now than Winter didn't seem to help.

"Sure. You thinking of crossing the border and hiding out in Canada until this whole film thing dies down?" He joked.

"No, I'm going to see Justin."

Adam didn't say anything, I knew that he wasn't really happy about me being with Justin, although I still didn't know why. Still, he was leaving me alone and I was going off to face the world alone. It was my life and that life had only one real thing in it now and that was Justin. Why should Adam care if I went to see him?

"Can you get her to get me a ticket?" I asked after a moment.

"Sure." He replied. "I'll even have her get you into their hotel. You might want a room of your own."

I wasn't exactly sure what he was implying, maybe Adam thought that Justin wouldn't want me there or something, but I was pretty sure that he would be wrong. Justin wouldn't do that to me. Somehow, even in my own insecure mind I knew that for certain, I guess that is part of loving someone.

I laugh at it now, knowing what I know, but back then it surprised me how ordinary their hotel was. I had expected a five star resort, not a two level roadside motel. Of course I know now that it is easier to secure the hotel when you book out all of the rooms, and that you can close the hotel to all but the people you want in it that way, but then I didn't know that. I wonder how Adam even got me a room there but I guess he had some connections that got me into the small lodge where Nsync were staying.

I had no trouble with the receptionist, she must have been warned by the manager that I was coming because she got me a key and settled me in, my first difficulties were with two security guards that seemed to think that I was there to make trouble. I wasn't one for a confrontation, I was a bit of a pacifist and definitely did not think that violence solved anything but I think that they were of a different belief system.

"You can't go in there." One of the two beefy guys said to me as I tried to enter the courtyard that led to my room. "This is a restricted area."

"I know." I replied. "But I'm a guest here at the hotel."

"You're not one of our party. And we've booked out the entire hotel." The other just as muscled guy informed me. At least he knew who was and wasn't with the band.

"No, I'm not. But I do have a room here and I have a key and everything. Just let me..."

I got halfway to leaning into my bag when I found myself flat on my face with a sore back and half a tonne of security guard on top of me. Apparently he thought that I was reaching for a concealed weapon because the next thing I was aware of was being pinned down and told to stay still.

"I didn't do anything." I told him as best I could with my face pushed into the nylon lobby carpet.

"We'll be the judge of that." The only guy still standing said, then I watched as he rooted through my bag, pulling out clothes, papers and toiletries until he was satisfied that I didn't have any explosives or weapons on me. Even then they didn't let me up.

"He's got a key." The guy who had just been through my baggage said as he held up my room key. "I thought we didn't have other guests."

I didn't want to point out that I had booked it especially, I didn't think that news would go down to well, and I wasn't about to out Justin to the hired help when he didn't even know that I was here. So I did the reasonable thing and stayed silent. The man that was on my back moved slightly and let me up.

He didn't offer me a hand, so still dazed from his tackle I struggled to my feet and began the laborious task of collecting my few possessions. I was glad that I had only brought the bare essentials and that the bell boy was bringing the rest of my bags from the car later, otherwise I could have been fishing my boxers from the pot plants for the rest of my stay.

"You'll have to stay in your own room for most of the time, we have important guests." The guard said as I retrieved my hair gel and toothbrush. "They won't want to be disturbed."

"He should have thought of that before he flew out here then." A third voice put in.

My blood almost froze when I heard it. Josh. The one person that I was not ready to face and he was the first person that I saw. I wondered for a moment if he hadn't arranged for my little accident with security, but then as I turned I realised that he must just have walked in. I would have seem him otherwise.

"Do you want us to evict him from the property, Mr. Chasez?" One of the guards asked. "Guest or no, he can't stay if he's going to cause problems."

I half expected him to say yes. I knew that he had the power to have me ejected before I got the chance to speak with Justin and given our history I expected him to use it.

"No." Josh said. "He's not going to cause a problem." I could almost hear a sigh of resignation in his voice as he said it. "In fact he'll probably improve the atmosphere on tour for at least some people."

"Thanks." I said softly but he turned his back to ignore me.

"Just make sure that you stay in your room." The guard said.

"Whatever." I replied as I headed off to my room, I didn't care what they said I had faced Josh and survived so the rest was going to be easier. All I had to do was find Justin and let him know that I was here.

I didn't care about anything else.

Justin

It was the same hotel that we had stayed at in a million cities, there was nothing new or special about this one. It had green bed spreads instead of peach and an alpine print instead of one of cactuses or green fields but other than that the room was pretty much the same as every other room I had ever stayed in.

I wasn't sure then what it was that felt different about this one, of course I would find out soon enough but at that moment I didn't know.

There was a knock on my door and I assumed that it was the porter with my bags, consequently I didn't check who it was and just opened the door. I was surprised to see Josh on the other side. He had mostly respected my wishes since we left Los Angeles and had stayed away from me. I wonder now if he was sparing my feelings or his own, either way we had not really spoken other than for work since then and this was the first time that he had approached me voluntarily.

"What do you want?" I asked curtly. To be honest I was still not interested in anything that he had to say. Despite the fact that Tim was now back in my life Josh was still a sore subject for both of us and I didn't think that would change for a long time yet.

"Justin, I know that you're angry, and I'm sorry for what I did, but you promised that we would at least be civil." He said sadly. He was right, I had. Not that I had told him that but I promised Lance that I would not treat Josh badly, just that I needed time.

"I'm sorry." I said. "Is there something you wanted to ask me? About the tour?"

"No." He replied. "More like something that I need to tell you."

"What is it?" I asked. Usually Lance dealt with this stuff.

"Tim is here."

The words didn't register at first, I was thinking through all of the people that we knew, thinking which one of the tour staff was called Tim. It was only when I came up blank that I realised who he meant.

"Tim?" I asked. "My Tim?"

Josh's face fell at those words but I was too busy grinning to notice it.

"Yes. Your Tim." He said. "In room 212. He's just checked in and I think that he might be looking for you."

"Thanks." I said with a smile, and it was genuine.

I knew what it must have taken for him to tell me that Tim was here, and the guilt that he was probably feeling with Tim being here. Yet Josh didn't begrudge me my happiness. I think that was when I started to forgive him. After all, Josh had made that first step of his own accord and I began to realise later that we would need to make the next step together.

Still, at that moment there was only one thing on my mind and that was Tim. I went off in search of him, not knowing that I was leaving the despondent and resigned Josh alone in my room. Tim was all that mattered at that moment.

212 was not hard to find, second floor, twelfth room, just like it would be in most hotels that we had stayed in. I knocked on the door, waiting a moment before knocking again. I'm not proud of how desperate it made me look, but damn, it had been six weeks since I had seen Tim and I missed him. I was about to knock a third time when the door was answered, consequently, when Tim saw me I had my hand raised as if I was about to knock him out.

"Are you taking lessons from security now?" He asked me with a slight smile. I lowered my hand and waved a little embarrassed at being caught.

"What?" I asked when his words registered.

"Never mind." Tim said, his smile widening as he pulled me inside, pushed the door shut and then pulled me into a hug. "Hi."

"Hi." I returned. Giving him a soft kiss as I did so.

It wasn't meant to be a prelude to sex, it was just a greeting, but I guess with how long it had been between us there was a sexual tension that was sparked by the simple gesture. Tim deepened the kiss, pulling me closer to him and moving us toward the bed. I wasn't sure how far it was, I was too busy getting involved in the kiss and being swept away by the sensation to pay much attention.

I hit the bed with a bump, tumbling down onto the mattress and pulling Tim with me. He was on top, but he pulled away as the laughter bubbled up from somewhere deep inside, I guess it was funny, the sort of thing that you expect in a movie. It was good though, because it eased the tension between us and so we lay side by side, just happy to be together again.

"I should get going." I told him after we had been there for what seemed like a while. "We're meant to be doing a concert or something."

"Okay." Tim said softly. "You want to come by later?"

"I want to stay here now." I replied. It was true, the last thing that I really wanted was to leave Tim.

"Well, that probably wouldn't be a good idea." Tim said. "Besides, I was kind of looking forward to seeing this band tonight, so you'd be here alone anyway."

It took me a moment to register what it was that he had said. I thought it over once, then a second time before I realised what he was saying.

"You're coming to see us? Tonight?" I didn't know why I was so excited by the concept, but just knowing that he was going to be out there in the audience that night made me happier than I had been in a long time.

"Sure." Tim said. "What? I can't go see my boyfriend's band?"

I smiled at that. His boyfriend. I don't know why but that one word made me inordinately happy.

"Sure." I replied. "I guess I had better go and get ready."

"Okay." He said, pulling me to him for one last kiss before I had to go.

I headed out, a smile on my face and a spring in my step, and for once in my life I was glad to be who I was because Tim was going to come and see me and my band play tonight.

Tim

I was surprised when Justin knocked on my door, I had thought that they would already be at the concert, or at least that Josh would make sure they were by the time I got rid of my bags and had time to go and look for them. It was a spur of the moment decision to go to see Justin, when he had talked about not going to the concert I had known that I should use the tickets that Adam's secretary had gotten me. I was glad now that I had them. She had collated an entire dossier of information, including all of the Nsync tour dates, their hotel details and reserved rooms in all of the hotels and tickets for the next week of the tour. Next time I saw Adam I was going to tell him that she didn't get paid enough.

Justin disappeared to do whatever it was that he had to do before the show, I supposed that there were sound checks and other things to go over, much like there had been at some of the TV shows I had seen them recording while I was on the publicity trail. I figured that I had a while before the show started so I continued to unpack some of my stuff, this time with a purpose though, I needed an outfit for that night and I wanted it to be perfect.

I sorted through what I had with me, glad that I had taken the opportunity to steal some of the outfits from the film set and from my promotional tour, and chose a pair of tight black jeans, a deep red shirt and a leather jacket that I loved. I knew that this outfit looked good on me, someone else had been paid to pick it out for me, and it suited me well. I hoped that Justin would love it as much as I did.

I took a shower, making sure that it was cool enough to take off the edge of my desire at seeing Justin again, and then dressed. I grabbed wallet, key card and after a moments hesitation the condoms and lube from my bag, it wasn't as if they were going to get used, but you never know. It's always better to be safe than sorry.

Finally I was ready to go and I headed out and took a cab to the venue.

I felt a rush of energy as soon as I was there, surrounded by thousands of girls that were dressed in their minimal clothes, with buttons, pins and banners, all with one thing in common. They were there to see Nsync and so was I.

I have to admit that the concert was better than I had expected. I've already admitted that I was not really a huge fan of them before I met Justin and the others, the truth is that I had not expected a great show. I really just wanted to see Justin in his natural environment, what I got was actually an entertaining show that made my feet tap, my heart pound and my cock harden.

Hearing Justin sing live was a new experience, I knew in my mind what it was that he did for a career, I had even heard him and the boys on the radio, but hearing it live was amazing. He really did have a great voice and a good talent, I didn't think that it would have been physically possible to hit some of those high notes.

Finally the concert was over and I found myself caught in a large crush of girls that were trying to get out. Some where rushing for the stage door wanting to get a glimpse of Nsnyc as they left and others were turning to leave with parents and older siblings in tow. I moved to the front, pushing against the tide of hormones, and moved to one side of the stage.

"Hi, I'm..."

"The exit is behind you." The security guard said emotionlessly. I was really beginning to get sick of these people judging me, I wanted to get a T-shirt printed that identified me as 'with the band' but I didn't think that it would help.

"Look, I'm Tim Caldwell, I'm staying at the hotel with the band." I began. He looked down at a clip board that he had in his hands and his face changed.

"I'm sorry Sir." He said. "We have to check every..."

"Yeah, whatever, just let me backstage." I said tiredly. I didn't want this right now, I just wanted to see Justin and tell him how well he had done and maybe get a lift back to the hotel.

The guard moved quickly, allowing one of his colleagues to usher me backstage and lead me through the maze of corridors until we got to a door. It was not the first door that we had passed and looked the same as the others did, but it was obvious that this was for security reasons. A door with a large star on it that the films might portray would lead people to know exactly where the famous people were, but just a sea of plain doors was like hiding a tree in a forest. I was glad that the guy had shown me where they were.

He knocked, showing that he had at least some respect for the people that he was working for.

"What?" A voice asked.

"Got a guest out here for you." The security guard replied gruffly.

The door opened slightly and a head peaked around it, I caught a glimpse of naked shoulder and realised that they must be changing in there. I had hoped that Justin would answer the door but I got Lance instead.

"Oh, hey." He said, his face showing a smile although there was a look of caution in his eyes. "Come on in."

The door swung open and I saw that he had a shirt in the hand that was not on the door. He was bare chested but thankfully the rest of him was covered. I could not say the same for the others. Joey was clad only in boxers and Josh was not wearing much more. Justin wore only a towel and it was clear that they had showered in turn and that he was the last one out.

"Hey." Justin grinned, dropping the towel as he reached for his pants and giving me and the rest of the room a full view of what he had to offer.

He smiled lasciviously and Josh looked away, distaste obvious in his eyes. I didn't know what Justin was playing at rubbing this in Josh's face like that. He must have known that this was going to kill Josh.

"Don't flash it around Justin, we've all seen it before." Chris said as he turned to finish dressing. It was obvious that he felt the same way.

"Baby you shouldn't show off. It's not big and it's not clever." I added with a small smile. There was a laugh and I realised what I had said.

Justin pouted.

I went over to him, ignoring the rest of the people in the room and pulled him to me, kissing him softly before letting him go and handing him his pants.

"Get dressed, the sooner we get out of here the sooner we can...talk." I added, realising that we were not alone and that while Justin's band mates had so far accepted my presence here that they probably didn't want to be privy to our sex lives.

To be honest although this was really the second time that I had met the others it didn't feel like that, the first time had been brief, and not really an event that I wanted to think about too deeply. Essentially other than that this was the first time that we were meeting and I wanted them to think more of me than the man that had almost ruined their careers. I wanted to be Tim to them and not just Justin's boyfriend.

"So, Tim, How long are you here for?" Lance asked helpfully and I could see that he was trying to make an effort. This was the second time that he had tried to draw me back into their circle and I really did have a lot to thank him for, more than I knew then.

"I don't know." I replied honestly. "I think that depends on how long I'm welcome for."

Josh snorted softly, I don't know who heard it but he made sure that I did.

"It also depends on work and stuff too." I added. "I'm in between jobs at the moment but the offers were coming in thick and fast last I heard. I need to do a little thinking."

"Well, I'm glad that you're here." A now fully dressed Justin said. "And for the record I want you to stay as long as you can."

That made me feel warm inside because there was still a part of me that doubted how long this would last. I wanted it to last forever but I was not so delusional that I thought that was possible.

"We're all off back to the hotel." Joey added, the first words that he had said. "You're welcome to join us."

"That's good." I replied. "Because I'm staying there."

Joey moved to say something else but was silenced by a look from Lance. I would have to thank him later, I really would, because he seemed to be my one ally other than Justin.

Josh

Tim wants this laid down with what we were thinking and feeling at the time. The best way to describe how I felt that Spring is to ask if you know what it's like to have your heart ripped from your chest and crushed while it was still beating. That wasn't a patch on how I felt. It was as if I had been shown my worst nightmare and now I was having it replayed every time I turned around. The worst part of it for me was that I had started to believe that I really did deserve that and much worse for what I had tried to do. Guilt is a funny thing, it only sets in after the event by which time it is too late to do anything about what it is that you're feeling guilty about.

I couldn't do anything to change what had happened back in LA. I would never be able to take back the mean things that I had said and done but there was a part of me that wanted to try. The problem was that there was still a part of me that resented Tim for his being with Justin and that hated the fact that Justin no longer seemed to want to be my friend.

That night, after Tim had first walked back into our lives I hoped that he would leave soon and wanted to make his life as uncomfortable as I could but I hadn't expected to see the others make him feel welcome, nor had I expected the cavalry to come in the form of my other best friend.

Justin and Tim were back in their room at the hotel, doing whatever it was that they wanted to do, I didn't really want to think about it. I had plans with a bottle of Jack and my self pity. I didn't want to see anyone else.

The knock came a few minutes after we got back to the hotel. I ignored it. I didn't want to have visitors and I certainly didn't want to host a party for the rest of the Nsync lads. Usually if they knocked and I didn't answer they would assume that I was asleep and leave me to it. When I heard the door open a few moments later I knew that they weren't going anywhere tonight.

"Josh?" Lance called uncertainly.

"I'm really not in the mood to chat, Lance." I replied grumpily. "Can't this wait till morning?"

"No." He said with more certainty than I would have expected. "We need to talk."

"Lansten, as much as I love you, I really don't know what there is to talk about that can't wait till I've had a good night's sleep." I returned.

"I want to talk to you about Tim." Lance replied.

I sat up for that. The last person that I wanted to talk about tonight was Justin's toy boy. He was here, I was trying my best to deal with that, but I didn't have to spend any of my time talking or thinking about him.

"I need to know that you're not going to sabotage this for them." Lance said as he moved into the room and took a seat next to me. "Not again."

Lance was evil, knowing that I was feeling guilty about what I had done and that he could monopolise on that shame. It worked though because I felt the uneasy knotting of my stomach as he said the words.

"Josh, I know that you want to protect Justin but he has to be who he wants to be and we can't stop that. Even if his being with Tim is a mistake, it's his mistake to make."

"You think that Tim and Justin being together is a mistake?" I asked hopefully, I was beginning to wonder if I had found a kindred spirit in James. If he had his reservations about this then between us I knew that we could talk Justin around.

Lance shook his head sadly.

"No, I think that they really are well suited and that they make a good couple." He said. "But it's not about you or me, this is about Justin and Tim and what they want."

"You think that they'll last don't you?" I asked despondently. I valued his opinion and was starting to see that my own judgement might be impaired in this situation.

"I hope so." Lance replied. I sighed. "Josh, it's not that I want to see you unhappy, I just think that Justin deserves a little love in his life from someone other than his mother."

He was right of course, Justin didn't get enough love, not for a person that thrived on making everyone around him happy. Justin did deserve happiness and I didn't want to begrudge him that. It just sucked that I wasn't the one that was making him happy. Not after the years I had spent looking after him and falling in love with the man he had grown up to be.

"You'll find someone." Lance said laying down on the bed and pulling me down next to him.

I fell into his arms and allowed myself to be held. He was right. I wasn't exactly a shrinking violet and there were a lot of men out there. The problem was that I had spent so long wanting Justin that I didn't think that there was another man out there that would measure up.

We fell asleep there together that night, there was nothing sexual in it and there never would be but at least there was someone there. Being single and watching two people falling in love is hard, it's harder still when you love one of those involved. Lance and I both felt it that night and were just glad that we had each other and that we weren't alone.

To Be Continued.