urnl - by dave (urnl @at@ twerkingforjesus .dot. org)
chapter 1 - game day
Standing in front of an average-looking house, in an average-looking part of town, I felt an above-average amount of anxiety. Fumbling with my phone, I double-checked the address in the app with the block-print letters stuck on the mailbox: 244 Wealthy St. Verifying the correct "job location" in the app, I took a deep breath and started up the sidewalk.
This was to be my first "job" on the "urnl" app, "urnl" being some trendy tech upstart's Silicon Valley abbreviation of "urinal". I'd engaged in watersports before, but never mixed business and pleasure. The founders of urnl made a pretty compelling case, though. From a legal perspective, I'm subcontracting in the urine disposal business, and gaining a bit of cash in the process. Nothing of a sexual nature was explicitly required, but reading between the lines, a fella wouldn't last long on the app without providing adequate "customer service".
Two steps lead up to the porch, and suddenly I found myself face to face with the front door, and pressing the doorbell. A few moments pass before a young, shirtless blonde guy answered the door.
"Alex? Matt -- nice to meet you!"
He half shook my hand and half pulled me into the home. I couldn't help but notice his camouflage pants and a tattoo with come sort of American flag motif before he started guiding me down the hallway and into a seating area with a sofa, big-screen TV, and coffee table. Just peeking out from behind the coffee table, I could make out a 24-pack of some light beer and an ice bucket.
"Training went late today, I just got home and haven't even had a chance to change," he said, grinning ear to ear. "I was just about to hit the head, but you showed up just in time. You, uh, ready to go?" His sheepish hesitation couldn't hide his excitement, his hands instinctively making their way to the zipper of his pants.
"Uh, sure. Here, or in your bathroom?"
"Here," he replied, unzipping his fly with his right hand and pushing my shoulder down with his left. "We're not gonna want to miss a second of the game, tonight."
His silkies showed for a brief moment before sliding away and allowing his mushroom head to come charging through between the camouflage print, along with six or so inches of hard shaft. I shuffled forward on my knees a couple inches closer to Matt's cock, breathing a warm breath onto his manhood. His cock twitched forward and upward, getting just a bit harder.
"Sorry," Matt said, trying to gain control of his erection. "I've been wanting to do this for a long time."
It softened a bit and I moved my head in closer to his cock head, opened my mouth slightly and encased it between my lips. His cockhead tasted like sweat, no doubt from his hard day of training. Matt sighed, and I felt the slightly salty, acrid taste of his piss surround my tongue. I swallowed, moving my mouth further up his shaft to prevent any spillage. He let out another sigh.
"Fuuuuuuuuuuck... take that grade A army piss.... yeaahhhhhhh..." Matt sighed again, his stream speeding up and emptying his bladder's contents into my waiting throat. The stream tapered off and Matt's breathing returned to normal.
After receiving the last few drops of his piss, I started to instinctively move onto the next phase: the blowjob. But as I started bobbing on Matt's cock, he gently but firmly grabbed my head and pulled me away.
"Not just yet, buddy. You did great with my piss, but I want to save my nut for later on. Plus, I need to get showered and changed before the boys arrive! Grab me a beer for the shower and I'll show you the bathroom. I assume you're gonna have to pee at some point tonight, right?" Matt's 1000 watt smile was back. He turned and headed down the hall to the bathroom. "Here it is -- but I don't think it'll be getting much use tonight, aside from you." He grabbed the cold can of beer from my hand. "Do me a favor and get the beers out of the case and into the ice bucket for me? And if the boys arrive before I'm out, answer the door and welcome them into the den."
I got a glimpse of his sturdy frame as he finished disrobing, the door cracked open a bit. A little muscular, a little dad-bod. My client really threw me for a loop -- with all the stories about super-straight, super-masculine army guys out there, never did did I imagine getting to service one. Before I had a chance to revel in my good luck -- let alone assess my situation -- there was a knock at the door. The knock was that playful "thump, thump-thump, thump, thump, pause, thump-thump" pattern used everywhere. A peek through the window next to the door revealed two men at the door, early twenties, buzz cuts, one in a camo pants and jacket with US ARMY embroidered on the chest, the other with a green and yellow football jersey and blue jeans, holding a six-pack of beer in his hand. Seemed on-brand with what I expected from Matt's friends. I unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door.
"Heyyyyy, you must be the fag of the hour!" the tall guy in the jersey exclaimed, beaming, another 1000-watt smile spreading across his face.
I must've blushed or made a face, because the other fellow put his hand on my shoulder and said "it's cool, man, the neighbors don't give a fuck, and Aaron won't shut the fuck up." He smiled, moving his hand to offer a handshake. "I'm John." I took his hand and shook it, mentally matching his neatly-trimmed brown hair and brown eyes to his name.
"Alex," I replied, shaking his hand.
I turned and offered my hand to Aaron for a handshake -- instead he handed me the six-pack. "I'm Aaron. Do us a favor and put these in the fridge?"
"Sure, come on in." The guys made themselves at home, obviously familiar with the house. John left his jacket on a coat hook near the front door, revealing a football jersey like Aaron's, only a few sizes smaller to match his slender frame.
By the time I got back to the den, Aaron was already seated on the sofa, looking in my direction and grinning, while his buddy searched for the remote. "So, do you really, ahhh..." Aaron started.
"...drink piss?" I offered.
"Yeah, that!" Aaron confirmed.
"He sure does," I heard Matt's voice chime in as he walked into the room. "He's great at it, too. Didn't spill a drop!"
His previously-bare chest was now covered in that same green and yellow jersey top the other guys had, but now his muscular legs were on show with only a fresh pair of silkies covering all the fun parts.
"Hell yeah," roared Aaron. "I've been holding it for a couple hours just to make sure I got my money's worth from that app. You need me to get up, or..."
"Whatever's more comfortable for you, man." I replied, walking over to his side of the sofa.
Aaron stood halfway, unbuckling his belt and wiggling down his jeans to reveal another set of those classic silkies, like his army bro host had on, a beer bottle-sized bump pressing against the fabric. He sat back down, his big, teddy bear frame settling into the sofa, and spread his legs wide. "I'll let you do the honors."
Matt smirked and John turned to watch. I knelt in front of Aaron, my arms straddling his wide thighs as I reached for the elastic band and pulled down the silkies. A thick, eight-inch slab of beef sprung up as the shorts lowered. I used my left hand to pull the shorts down a bit further and my right hand started guiding the meat in my direction. With the massive size of his legs, I had to lean in closer and bury my head in his sweaty crotch. I barely had my lips around his cock head when I heard him sigh and felt the first splash of piss across my tongue. It was saltier than Matt's piss and stronger, but slightly sweeter. It was hard to get a good read on the flavor with how fast it was gushing past my tonsils and into my stomach. Soon it slowed and finally stopped.
I hadn't even realized Aaron was holding my head against his cock until I felt him start the let up. He ruffled my hair a bit, smiling and catching his breath from the sudden relief of an empty bladder. "You took that like a champ! How was it?"
"Good," I replied, licking a droplet of excess piss from his cock's mushroom head. "Stronger than I expected, but I liked it."
"Well, the good news is that beer piss should be way more watery and easy for you to swallow," Matt quipped from behind me.
"I'll drink to that," John said, before popping the tab on his first can of the night.
"Cheers!" Matt and Aaron replied, reaching for cans of their own. Aaron looked down at me again, saying "you'll get to drink this beer after I'm done with it," with a wink. If I didn't know any better, I'd have said the cocky soldier was starting to grow on me.
I started refilling the ice bucket with fresh cans of beer as the TV came to life. Two teams were taking the field, one with jerseys like my hosts for the evening, the others in a dark blue. I'm not really into sports so I kept my focus on the mission at hand. Around the second commercial, John was ready for service.
"Hey, uh, Alex, I need you, buddy," John said, standing up and unzipping his fly. "I can't do it sitting down, though."
"That's cool," I said, crawling in front of the coffee table to where he stood.
"Cool," he murmured back, eyes darting from me to the TV and back a few times. I could tell he was a bit nervous, and he tried a deep breath and sighing to get in the zone.
I heard Aaron quip "a little pee shy, huh?"
"Fuck off," muttered John. He focused again. I started rubbing his right thigh to relax him, and finally he let out a sigh.
As predicted, a steady stream of watery beer piss washed over my tongue and into my mouth. I adjusted my lips and began swallowing, the first few cans' worth of recycled beer making their way to my stomach.
The process repeated for the next hour or so, the soldiers taking turns relieving themselves in my mouth. Once the novelty wore off, it was just an automatic thing -- they really weren't missing a second of the game to pay any attention to me.
I got up once to relieve myself in the bathroom. As my own stream started, I felt a hand smack me on the ass cheek, nearly causing me to make a mess. I looked over my shoulder to see Aaron with the beer bottles from the fridge. He handed me an open one, oddly warm to the touch. "A little something for the road," he said with a wink, before lumbering back out toward the den. I took a swig from the bottle, confirming the contents to be piss.
I rejoined the men watching the game, noticing little had changed in the few minutes while I was gone; a few more empty cans and bottles on the coffee table, some popcorn spilled, and the guys were starting to really get hot and bothered by the game. The score seemed close, and I watched as they started rubbing their groins while tuning into the action. John hurriedly asked for my mouth, Aaron calling second. Fans on TV in the stadium started cheering. As soon as John's cock finished pissing, Aaron was stood beside him, shoving his prick into my mouth. No piss. All I could hear was the boys furiously chanting "GO, GO, GO, GO GO GO!" as Aaron fucked my mouth, then "TOUCHDOWN!!!" The big teddy bear clasped his hands around my head and drove his cock all the way into my throat, letting loose a flood of cum into my stomach. I barely had time to react as jets of cum shot out from John and Matt's dicks and splashed across the side of my face and their abs.
Aaron finally let go and I was able to breathe again. Being service-oriented, I quickly scooped the cum off my face and into my mouth and started cleaning up John's cock, balls, and abs with my tongue, before turning to Matt to do the same. While I finished taking care of business, the guys basked in the afterglow of intensely nutting during the game-winning touchdown. Eventually, it began to fade and Aaron and John started tidying themselves up and getting ready to head out.
"Thanks for hosting game night!" John called out from the bathroom, checking himself in the mirror.
"Do you fellas need me to order a Lyft or an Uber?" I asked.
"Nah, we live just up the block," Aaron said, heading for the door. "Great job tonight, fag! Matt, make sure you give him five stars on the app!"
"Yeah, five stars," agreed John.
"For sure," Matt nodded in agreement. "Alex, mind helping me clean up a bit?"
"Sure," I said, watching the door close behind the Aaron and John. I followed Matt back into the den, and joined him in bagging up the cans and bottles to recycle. He took them to the garage while I dumped the remains of the ice into the kitchen sink. I went back to the den for one last look around.
"I'm ready for that blowjob, now." Matt called out from behind me. "But I gotta piss one more time." He fished out his meat one more time as I took position. He let out a slight grunt and started pissing, catching me off guard and splashing my chin before I cough get my mouth onto his knob. I got back into my rhythm and had his meat swallowed in no time, and soon the relief of emptying his bladder gave way to pleasure. I backed off and ducked under him, licking his ball sack, eliciting "ooh" and "aah" from the army lad. Going back to his cock, I took my time to savor every moment of this stud making use of my mouth. I made mental notes of which flicks of my tongue seemed to bring him the most pleasure, and memorized the position of every vein. Soon, I felt that American steel tighten up as Matt pulled back and let loose his second ejaculation of the night in my mouth.
He pulled out his slippery cock, bent down and pulled my face into his, probing my mouth with his tongue, searching for a taste of his own piss and cum. "Thanks, I had a great time tonight," Matt whispered, pulling me up to my feet.
"Me too," I replied softly, both of us grinning. We broke our half-embrace and I headed back into the bathroom to tidy myself up before heading home. "Not too bad for a human urinal," I thought, rinsing my face. I'd really enjoyed the night as well and hoped to be hired back. Fuck, I'd do this one for free! As I turned to leave, I remembered to grab the warm bottle of Aaron's piss to take with me. It had cooled down by now, but would still make a great treat once I got home. My own cock was still in need of relief, too.
"Have a good night!" I called to Matt as I opened the front door.
"You too," he called from the kitchen. "Thanks again! Five stars!" he grinned.
"Five stars." I responded with one last wave. As I walked to my car, I reopened the urnl app and indeed saw that the client had given me 5 stars. I happily reciprocated and added him to my favorites list. Before driving away, I saw a new job arrive in my queue: tomorrow, 10 AM, 100 Grand Ave., accessories required. Interesting!