Hello, readers. I thought I'll give you all a treat and post 2 chapters this time. See, I can be quite accommodating if you ask nicely. I hope you can be too because I'd like to know what you think of these two chapters. So please write to me at: fantasy_eric@hotmail.com. Who knows, it may give me the incentive to post 2 more chapters the next time!
Well, I won't keep you longer except to say that if you are under 18 or are offended by homosexual relationships, please leave. Otherwise, go ahead and enjoy this chapter.
Chapter 4: Leo or Gary?
The next day, I convinced myself that nothing had happened between Gary and me. I was imagining things and it was probably something innocent and I must have read too much into it. So I decided to carry on as before and proceeded to meet Gary at the gym for our swim.
Although I tried to act as if everything was normal, I couldn't help myself. I realized later that I'd unconsciously avoided talking to him unnecessarily. Our conversations were friendly but was short and was kept to a minimum. He didn't say anything about what had happened yesterday. He didn't even try to raise the subject and, halfway through our swimming workout, I felt relieved that I must have been mistaken about Gary's intention that I reverted to my normal self. Our conversations gradually became less stifled and soon we were back to friendly banter and lively exchanges.
Gary couldn't be gay, I told myself. Somehow, I felt relieved and disappointed at the same time. I couldn't decide which one I felt more.
After our workout, I accepted a ride home from Gary. When we reached the front of my apartment, I picked up my bag and was ready to get off when Gary grabbed my hand as I was opening the car door.
"Zion, I'd like to talk to you...about what happened yesterday. I know that you don't want to talk about it and both of us have tried to act as if nothing has happened. But this is impossible. I feel so bad if I don't clear the air with you."
My heart was beating very fast when I heard what he said. I'm not sure how to react if he proceeded further.
"Zion..."
"I need to go now..." I decided that running away seemed to be the easiest option for me, but Gary held on to me. I turned to plead with him to let me go but he had a cute, adoring, puppy-like expression on his face and I immediately forgot what I wanted to say.
"Zion, I like you very much. Will you be my boyfriend? Please give me a chance."
I asked myself if this was real. Why was this happening to me? In barely a week, two guys had asked me to be their boyfriends. Before I could think further, Gary pulled me toward him and kissed me hard. His kiss was rough, and his hands were touching all over my body. His left hand reached under my T-shirt and twisted my nipple hard. I yelled a little bit from the pain and realized that I was surprisingly turned on. I'd always thought I liked my men to be gentle. I never realized that I can also be attracted by rough and ready advances. He was all man and I was excited....
"Don't feed him too much," I said to Justin when I walked into our room.
"He's so cute," Justin remarked as he continued feeding my little bird. "How did it go today?" he asked.
"Bad, I think," I replied.
"So did you talk to Gary?"
"Yeah, I tried to act as if nothing had happened. I don't know how to face him so I talked to him only when necessary. But when we left the gym today, we had a talk and he asked me to be his boyfriend."
"So how did you answer him?"
"I told him to give me some time to think."
"I think you like him a lot. You should have accepted immediately."
"I don't know, I still feel a little scared. And what about Leo?"
"You don't have to be scared. Gary is nice, unlike my brother who you can just ignore. He's only a jerk."
"He's not a jerk! Justin, I know he's serious this time. I can see that in his eyes."
"Gee...what are you saying? You sounded just like one of those actresses in a soap opera. Oh! I can see that in his eyes!" Justin said dramatically.
I hit the back of his head.
"Ouch! Watch it..that hurts!" he rubbed the back of his head. "Give me a break, will you? Can't you take some ribbing? And why do you feel scared? Are you scared to love?"
"I'm not an idiot, how can I be afraid of love?"
"You know what, Zion?"
"What?"
"You are an idiot!"
"You are dead meat. Don't call me that!"
I jumped on him and both of us fell on the floor. We wrestled with each other until we're both tired and ended up laughing at our silly behavior, clutching our sides as we rolled around the floor giggling like a pair of idiots.
"Justin, I really don't know why I'm scared," I answered after we had sobered up and I'd thought about it a bit. "All I know is that I have a funny, uncomfortable feeling every time I'm near Gary."
"Maybe you're reading your feelings wrong. Remember what I told you about that? If you don't sort yourself out soon, you could lose the chance to find happiness with a hot guy."
"Yeah, maybe you're right."
That night, Justin was playing games on his computer while I was sitting on our bed holding the fan that my mom had left me. I knew why Uncle and Aunt had mailed the three things to me. They wanted me to have something to remember my my family by. I was now the only one of my family left. I'd need to be strong and face the challenges ahead of me bravely. I'd lost Mom and Dad and then I lost Zak too. At least, I still have my life ahead of me. So I should be thankful for that. I shouldn't be scared to live my life to the fullest. I should be brave in giving and accepting love in return.
"There is nothing to be scared of," I told myself. I looked out the window and revelled in the wave-like sound of the rustling leaves as the wind blew through the forest.
"Zion?" I was brought out of my reverie when Justin called.
"Yeah?"
"You know what?"
"What?"
"Look at this website I found. It says that eighty percent of the student population in our school is male. It goes on to say that if you are homophobic, then it is likely that you'll end up offending quite a number of gay people, many of whom are not easily intimidated and will response in kind. It also says that our school has a big gay union. Wow, looks like a gay paradise here!"
"Gee..who would set up such a website? Someone from the school?"
"I don't know...This site has also a page full of pictures of hot guys. Wow, all these hunks studying in our school! Gee...would you look at this one, he's so cute!"
"Justin, I'm not in the mood for this," I responded, a bit harshly.
"Sorry, Zion."
I sighed. "No, Justin, I should be more considerate. I'm the one who should be apologizing."
Justin opened his mouth to reply but someone chose to knock at our door at that moment.
"Zion, can we talk? I have something to say to you," Leo's voice came from the other side of the door.
"Ok, I'll be out."
I walked out of the room. Leo asked if we could go over to his and I agreed. We walked into his room and sat down on his bed.
"Zion?"
"Yeah?"
"I saw what happened in Gary's car this evening."
"Oh..."
"I think you've made a decision, haven't you?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"I think you've chosen him over me."
"Leo..."
"I understand. In every one's eyes, I'm only a slut."
"No, you're not!"
"Thank you for the kind words, Zion, but you don't really mean that."
"Yes, I do!"
Suddenly he pushed me on the bed and lay on top of me. He kissed my jaw and neck. He held me so tight that I was completely immobilized by his hot body.
"Zion, please...sleep with me tonight."
"No, Leo, please..." My breaths were getting shorter and shorter.
"At least let me have something to remember you by."
"Please, Leo, not like this..."
"Just sex and no responsibility. Just for tonight."
"Leo..." My resistance was getting weaker and weaker. Should I give in and throw all my cares to the wind? Should we just enjoy ourselves and not worry about what's to come? I like him very much, maybe even beginning to fall in love with him, so why am I hesitating? Too much thinking can sometimes do you in, I told myself. Look at what you're missing out here, a perfectly hot guy with a bod to die for is throwing himself at you and you are still in doubt?
I sighed and gave in. I hugged his body tightly and called out his name. My hands found their way underneath his shirt and felt his rock hard back. Forgive me for giving in to my desires, but I'm only human, I heard myself thinking. My leg was now wrapped around his hip as Leo kissed my neck and I moaned in response. It felt so good that I let the last vestige of doubt and resistance within me vanish.
I think Leo must have felt my surrender. He tore off my T-shirt and clamped his mouth over my nipple, biting it hard. I yelled out in a mixture of pain and surprise. Strangely, I found that to be erotic and it turned me on tremendously. I felt a rush of passion take me over as he took off my shorts and underwear. I felt so weak at that moment, lying there naked before him, the blood having rushed southwards as evidenced by my throbbing cock standing out proud awaiting Leo's attention. I couldn't move my body. It was as if all my strength had left me.
I smiled and lay there on the bed, inviting Leo to do what he wished with me. He looked into my eyes and, seeing the lust reflecting back at him, quickly took off his clothes, haphazardly throwing pieces of clothing everywhere. I could see a fire in his eyes, like those stoking a boiling cauldron. I could almost swear that his eyes turned red as he surrendered his human side and let his baser desires take over.
He became a beast as he lay on top of me and kept attacking my body with his lips, his tongue, his teeth and his hands. He couldn't get enough. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my nether regions and I froze in shock as a scream died within my throat. I felt something pushing hard, knocking at my back door, demanding immediate entry as I realized that Leo's cock had forced its way inside me. It felt like I'd been torn in two, the pain was so intense that I just lapsed into shock as endorphins kicked in, in an attempt to numb and nullify the pain.
But it wasn't enough. I could still feel the pain amid the feeling of fullness in my lower body. This time, I knew I couldn't stop the scream from leaving my throat so I bit down hard on Leo's shoulder to stifle it. He must have felt it and quickly pulled out from me. This only caused a fresh sensation of pain to hit me, and I couldn't help myself from shuddering and thrashing under his body. He held me tight until I'd stopped convulsing, and then he moved away.
It took me a moment to focus as everything looked blur to me. The first thing I could see clearly was the look on Leo's face. He was crying and looking utterly miserable. I turned to look lower down and I could see bloodstain on the bedsheet around me.
"S..s..Sorry, Zion, I didn't mean to hurt you. I just...I don't know why it happened. I..I'm..so sorry.." he uttered in between sobs and tears.
I tried to sit up but a sharp pain coming from somewhere in my lower body stopped me. I decided to just lay on the bed until the pain subsided. I didn't know what else to do. I felt Leo holding me as his hands caressed my face. He was lying down crying on my chest, sobbing miserably. Even in my pain, I could felt his misery. I ran my fingers through his hair and tried to soothe him. My hand stroking his head must have helped somewhat to finally calm him down a while later.
"Sorry, Zion. Please forgive me, I didn't mean to hurt you. Are you ok?" He was still lying on my chest as he apologized in a small voice.
"Yeah...I think so. It's not so painful now."
"Oh Zion..I really am sorry. I don't know why I did that, I couldn't think clearly. I was so lost in you. The first time I saw you, I thought you were Zak. I..I loved Zak but he didn't feel the same for me and I felt so hurt." He paused as he recalled a painful part of his past. I continued stroking him as he struggled to get his next words out.
"A..a few months later after I got back home from a holiday, Justin's friend, Henry, seduced me. I was still innocent until then and that was my first time with anybody. It helped me forget my pain for a while and so, after that, I decided to throw ideals and caution to the wind. So I started having sex with other people, to help me forget the pain of unrequited love. All the while, I never felt lonelier despite the company of my constant bed warmers, and a steady stream of boytoys. I still longed for Zak and each person I brought to my bed was a pale shadow in comparison to him, that is until I met you..." Leo looked up at me and smiled weakly.
"I thought you could be Zak's substitute as I was so desperate for him. But I was wrong. You are different from Zak. You showed me kindness and care despite our not having spent many moments together. There is a radiance about you that makes me weak all over. After Zak, I thought that I would never feel love again but I was mistaken. I love you, Zion. I really do, and I realized that I love you more than Zak. The love I feel for you makes me want to burst out with joy and shout out in happiness...but I now know that, like Zak, you don't feel the same for me..."
I tried to tell him not to jump to conclusions but he shushed me as he continued.
"You see, I saw you kissing Gary and I realized then that true love would always elude me. It was so unfair and I was consumed with jealousy and hatred. Why couldn't you love me in return? Am I so horrible a person...so incapable of loving and being loved? At that moment, I wanted to destroy you. If I couldn't have you, then nobody else would, I thought to myself. But, again, I was wrong. I couldn't do that...just as I couldn't stop myself from loving you. I love you, Zion. I don't know why, I just do. We've only known each other for a month but I'm hopeless in love with you. I love you, but you don't love me and I don't know what to do... How am I going to make it through another heartbreak....? It hurts so bad...."
Words failed him and he looked lost in his thoughts as he stared blankly off into space. His eyes had lost their focus and were glassy. I could see fresh tears falling down his face. I tried to reassure him that I hadn't made any decision yet so he needn't worry, but I don't think he heard me, so lost in his thoughts was he. He finally fell asleep in my arms as I stroked his back tenderly.
I decided to stay the night with him. I felt sorry for him. He's not that uncaring a person after all. He'd been hurt and was trying to recover and move on, only to get hurt a second time. Until I'd made a decision, I didn't know how to face him. It would be awkward, at the best.
When I woke up the next morning, Leo had already left. I tried to sit up but my lower body still felt painful every time I moved my leg. I decided to go and see a doctor later.
I finally made it back to my room. As I opened the door, Justin sat up from the bed.
"You are finally back," he stated the obvious.
"Yeah... You looked like you haven't had much sleep last night," I said as I slowly made my way across the room.
"Actually, I don't think I slept at all. I am worried about you," Justin replied, looking at me with a look of concern. "Are you all right? What's wrong with you?"
"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry. And I'm fine, don't worry."
"So what happened last night?" he asked, not convinced that I was ok.
"Nothing. Really nothing, Justin."
"You are lying, Zion."
"Sorry...but..."
"Don't apologize, Zion. I don't want to hear that you're sorry, I just want to know the truth."
"Justin..."
"Sit down," he invited.
As I gingerly sat down beside him, he put his hand on the back of my neck, then closed his eyes and brought our foreheads together, hugging me to him.
"Zion, please tell me the truth. I am very worried," he said when we pulled apart a moment later.
"Justin?"
"Yeah?"
"Why are you so worried?"
"I am concerned for you, and I worry for your well-being."
"No, you've only known me for a few weeks. I think you're more concerned for your brother."
"No! I don't care about that jerk. I hate him!"
"Justin, why you are lying?"
"I'm not. Really, Zion, I'm not," he denied and then broke down crying.
"It's all right....shh, it's all right." I pulled him into my embrace as he cried on my shoulder. "Justin, please forgive your brother....What happened between you and him wasn't what you'd always thought."
"I can't, I can't. I just can't. I love him and I've always looked up to him as my idol, my hero. He's my brother and I love him so much but he betrayed me. He knows that I love Henry and yet, he still seduced him. He slept with Henry..."
"No, it's not what you think." I told him Leo's version of what had happened between Henry and him and, after a slight hesitation, decided to tell him everything about what had happened last night.
"Are you okay, Zion? Are you hurt bad?"
"Don't worry, it doesn't hurt that bad now," I gave him a smile. "And I'm sorry, Justin."
"Why, Zion? You've done nothing wrong."
"If it were not for my brother, Leo wouldn't be that way and you wouldn't have had a misunderstanding with your brother. I'm sorry that Zak caused both of you to drift apart."
"Hey...it's none of your fault. You didn't cause it, how could you? And even Zak is not fully to be blamed. He can't help himself if he can't return my brother's love, can he?"
"Thanks, Justin."
Justin smiled and enquired again if I was sure that I was ok. He urged me to see a doctor immediately.
"I will. It still hurts and I'll be going to the doctor after this."
"I'll come with you."
"No, I am fine. Don't worry, I can make it by myself."
"If you're sure...." Justin looked at me uncertainly but I reasurred him that I was fully capable of making it to the doctor by myself.
I had reached the hospital grounds and was walking on the footpath, heading towards the hospital. I was feeling much better and congratulated myself for having made it this far, grinning to myself as I turned a corner.
Suddenly, there was a large presence of another person turning the same corner in front of me and, the next thing I knew, we collided into each other. Wham! I felt like I'd hit a brick wall..yet again.
Gee...I was sitting on my butt again. I think I fell hard, I could feel a sharp pain. I tried to get up but I couldn't. Then I looked up to see that big guy again. Strange how we kept literally running into each other. This was the third time I ran into him. Fate kept pushing us together and I didn't even know his name.
"Sorry...Yaah...! You again? I am so sorry. Are you ok?" he asked, scratching his head as usual.
I tried to answer but it felt so painful and I don't feel too good. I suddenly felt dizzy and a wave of nausea came over me. I realized that the guy's face had suddenly lost its color and he looked very pale. He was looking down and I followed his line of sight to see lots of blood around me.
Blood? My blood? I had another attack of dizziness and everything looked fuzzy to me. I felt the guy gently lifting me up and carrying me towards the direction of the hospital. Suddenly, he began walking faster and then broke out into a run even as I struggled to stay conscious. Is this the end of the road for me, was my last thought before everything turned black...
Tbc.
I know, I know.. a mini cliffhanger. But it is an appropriate place to end this. This is the longest chapter of this series yet so let me know how you like it, while I figure out how to continue this. Or do you have any ideas? Let me know...and don't forget to write to Zion too. I'm sure he'll appreciate it!