Author's Note:
Hey everyone, this is my first submission to the Nifty Archive. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I am writing it. I'm trying to get as much realism as is possible in a story of this type, so the characters will need to get to know each other before there is any sex. It's also not exactly a 'two guys fall in love, and live happily ever after' story, there are going to be a few bumps in the road.
If you have any comments or constructive criticisms or whatever then e-mail me: mystories@btinternet.com
Disclaimer:
This story is a work of fiction. I don't know or own any of the celebrities mentioned in it. I also don't know anything about the personalities or sexual orientations of any of the members of *NSYNC, and the purpose of this story is not to imply anything about them. Secondly, this story contains adult themes and content as well as gay relationships. If you're too young to, or don't want to, read what's contained within, then leave now. Everyone else, enjoy...
Under Management by Tris
Chapter 11
"Alex" My brother's voice floated through my dreams. "Alex" I heard it again, louder this time. I struggled to traverse the gaping void between sleep and the real world. "Alex!" It was louder still. My eyelids fluttered open, only to see the grinning mug of Jesse just inches away. I frowned and was ready to yell at him to get lost. He must've seen my expression change, as before I could exile him from my room he stepped back slightly and said, "Don't shoot the messenger! I took a phone call from Joey a few minutes ago, he said that he was leaving New York and needed someone to pick him up. He apologized and said that he tried Chris and Justin but they weren't picking up. He said he didn't want to be hanging around at the terminal for too long in case he got mobbed."
"Ok." I said sleepily.
"So anyway," Jesse continued, "I called the airport, they said his plane should be landing in two and a half hours, that's at 11.15."
"Right, thanks. I'll be out in a minute, just let me wake up a bit first." I rubbed the sleep from my eyes with the back of hand. My brother nodded and turned to leave the room. "Uh, Jess?" He stopped and faced me, "Out of curiosity, what are you doing here so early?" My brother laughed at my question.
"You really don't remember do you?" He asked in disbelief. I shook my head, no. "I told you last night, I was watching a movie and lost track of time. When it finished I stayed up to see how your date went, and ask if I could stay the night." He explained. I couldn't recall any of that. "Of course you were so doped up on Lance that you probably didn't pay any attention to what I said."
"Oooops..." I blushed, sitting up in bed, "I guess I wasn't very good company."
"On the contrary," he giggled, "You talked more than you have in years - you told me how great Lance is... a little bit more on how great Lance is... how great your date with Lance was... how cute he is when he blushes... how you love the way his face crinkles up when he laughs..."
"Alright already!" I held my hands up for him to stop, "I get the picture, next time I'll try to keep my feet more firmly on the ground..."
"Uh uh," Jesse disagreed, "Next time, I'm not gonna hang around for you to tell me about it." He laughed, leaving the room and closing the door behind him. I slowly emerged from my bed and trudged into the bathroom, going about my morning routine in my usual zombie-like state.
I was loitering in the kitchen when the door buzzer went; I paid little attention to it, Jesse was closer and so, by my logic, responsible for answering the door. Instead I rushed to finish my coffee before the interruption. "My God Alex, can't you go ten minutes without seeing each other!" He exclaimed loudly. I giggled knowing that my brother was only joking. I took another gulp of my coffee and sauntered into the lounge where Jesse was still standing by the door, leaning on it in fact. "I expect you want me to open it to him as well?" He asked. I shrugged, sitting myself down on the couch taking a final slurp of my morning wake up call to hide the smirk which had spread across my face.
There was a knock at the door, and my brother opened it as directed. "Lance?" He asked in a shocked tone, causing me to look in the direction of my boyfriend. He looked dreadful. His hair, usually styled to perfection, was plastered flat to his head; his eyes were bloodshot and he was wearing the same clothes as he was last night. My first reaction was to look at the window, to see whether the rain from a few days ago had returned, maybe it had kept him awake or something. Through the glass I could see that the sun was shining, so I scrambled to my feet and hurried over to Lance, who my brother was fussing over. "Is there anything wrong?" He was asking. Lance ignored him, and as soon as I was close enough he moved towards me and collapsed into my arms.
Over Lance's shoulder I saw Jesse's face shrouded in worry, and although I had other things on my mind at the time, it reminded me of how accepting he was of my new relationship.
"Lance?" I asked cautiously, "What's wrong baby?" he didn't answer me verbally he simply began to sob into my shoulder. I held him tightly to me, running my hands through his hair. When his tears were beginning to slow I pulled away from him and took his hand, leading him to the couch. I sat closely next to him.
"You want to talk about it?" I questioned softly.
"Y... yeah..." He began, "It's stupid really..." He looked down; I took his hand and squeezed it supportively, urging him to continue. "Last night on the way home, I was thinking about our date and how lucky I am to have you." He blushed, "And then I started thinking about the religion thing that we talked about..."
"Oh." I sighed disappointedly sure that he was having a problem with me.
"Everything has happened so fast, and I haven't had a chance to think about it before. Alex, homosexuality is a sin. And I'm gay, so I'm a sinner..." He said despondently.
"Oh Lance..." I pulled him towards me again, holding him tightly. We were disrupted by my brother, subtly clearing his throat. I looked towards him, attempting to give him a smile in thanks for the fresh coffees that he had placed in front of Lance and I.
Lance looked up at me, with fresh tears in his eyes, and in a small voice asked, "Alex? Am I going to hell?"
"No Lance." I shook my head forcefully, "You're a good person, one of the nicest, most generous people I've ever met. Any god who sent you to hell would have to be crazy." I smiled; Lance did not. "Listen; this isn't exactly my specialist subject. To be honest it's never really bothered me, but I can see that it concerns you, so think about it Lance; if someone out there created you, they did so for a reason. All you can do is your best, nothing more, and if you continue to do that then there's no basis for that someone to be unhappy with you."
"But what if being gay means that I'm not doing my best?" He asked, still bleary eyed.
"Did you ever choose to be gay? Did you ever wake up one morning and say 'From now on I'm going to like guys'?" I enquired.
"No, of course not silly." He gave a slight giggle, which in turn made my frown fade, "I never made a choice, this is who I am, I've already accepted that..."
"I think you just answered your own question." My brother interjected gently. He had been sitting to the side of us listening quietly. I could see that he was smiling. I caught a hint of something in his eyes which I rarely saw; it was something I strived for, his admiration.
"I did?" Lance asked in confusion.
"Think about it." I smiled, giving him a peck on the cheek as I reached across him to grab my coffee.
The three of us were waiting at the airport; Joey's flight had just landed. So far Lance had avoided being mobbed. At my brother's suggestion he had not fixed his hair, he had simply combed it flat. When the raw emotions of the morning had begun to heal, I had realized that Lance was, without being mean, slightly pungent. I had offered him some clothes to change into, but we found much hilarity in discovering that pretty much everything I had was far too large for him. As it happens Jesse keeps some clothes in the guestroom in my apartment, mostly sweat-suits, for when we went running together, and other casual wear. Lance, after taking a shower, had gratefully borrowed some of those clothes, and now looked totally different from his normally, highly groomed self. Truth be known it was kind of sexy.
"Isn't that him, over there?" My brother asked, nodding in Joey's direction.
"Yeah... that's Joey alright." Lance laughed. Joey was dressed rather flamboyantly, but was trying to remain covered up by holding his full length black leather jacket firmly closed.
"Hey guys!" Joey exclaimed as he quickly closed the distance between us. "Lance my man; I wasn't expecting to see you here!" He took Lance's hand and then pulled him into a hug. After he had done the same to me, he approached Jesse, who took a step backwards.
"You know, if I didn't know any better, I would've said he was the gay one!" My brother cracked, causing us all to laugh.
"So how's the old neighbourhood Joe?" Lance asked, as we began our walk towards the luggage carrousels.
"Oh man, seeing everyone again was so cool." He paused, "Hey, you know what? You should come with me some time; I'd love to introduce you." He suggested to Lance.
"As I've said many times before, I think I'll pass." Lance laughed his reply.
"Awww, you don't know what you're missing." He pouted childishly for a few seconds before breaking into a grin, "I could even introduce you to a guy I know..."
"Ugh!" Lance groaned, slapping his hand to his forehead and then running it through his hair, doubtlessly stalling while he thought of a retort which wouldn't give too much away. "Thanks for the offer Joe, but I don't think I'm ready yet."
"Ok, well... as soon as you're ready to play the dating game just let me know." Joey grinned. Lance looked gave towards me and gave me a smile, which Jesse saw; he giggled slightly.
We were now standing at the luggage carousel waiting for Joey's case to move into view, there was a lull in our conversation as we watched dozens of boringly colored and shaped bags pass us, interspersed with several strange fluorescent yellow and pink designs.
"I need to talk to the five of you before you begin recording again on Monday. It's nothing particularly interesting, but it needs to be discussed." I said to no one in particular.
"Why not now?" Joey suggested.
"Yeah" Lance agreed, "You've already got two of us, and since it's a Saturday afternoon and" - he emphasised the word - "Britney's out of the country; I'd bet anything Justin's with JC." He gritted his teeth with disgust as he said the later band member's name.
"And Chris'll be looking for me later anyway." Joey added. I took a moment to digest this information before voicing a concern.
"What about Jesse?" I glanced towards him as I said it; I could tell that he was probably thinking the same thing.
Joey and Lance looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders in unison, "We trust him" said Joey. Lance nodded to confirm this.
"Ok, that's settled then, I'll call the three of them now." I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and flipped it open. My attention, however, was soon drawn away from it.
"Hey Joe, isn't that your suitcase?" Lance asked pointing to a case which must've passed us a few seconds ago and was now several meters away.
"Oh shit!" Joey exclaimed. He began to push through the crowds of people waiting to collect their own luggage in an attempt to catch up with his case. He was sworn at and cursed by various people, others looked on in astonishment. Whether it was because they recognised him I don't know, although it was more likely because they were watching a grown man push people out of his way like a five year old. "Hey stop that case for me would ya?" He yelled.
Lance, my brother and I were creased over in laughter. When Joey finally caught up with his case he was quite a way away. He pulled it off the conveyor and hoisted it up into the air, above his head. "Hey guys!" He shouted, causing most of the other people in the baggage reclaim area to become silent. "I got it!" He grinned.
We laughed even more.
"Justin!" I snapped my fingers, and chastised him, "Pay attention!" Justin quickly turned to face me, and then he blushed slightly, embarrassed at being reprimanded. There were several snickers at this from the around the room, one of the more noticeable came from somewhere behind me, from my brother. He was sitting a leather couch, wearing headphones, pretending to be listening to music. I say 'pretending' because, knowing my brother as well as I do, and being as nosey as he is, I doubt whether he would be able to resist the opportunity to listen in on a group meeting such as this.
Other than Jesse, there were six of us in the room - the five members of the group and myself. We were in Justin's dinning room, the six of us easily fitted around the large mahogany table.
Lance and Joey were correct about the whereabouts of JC, he was with Justin, and Chris did indeed jump at the chance to talk to Joey after his return from New York City.
Now that I had everyone's attention, I decided to continue with the meeting before I lost it again. "Now, moving onto more urgent matters, next week you're back in the studio. I appreciate that your voices get tired and you need food..."
"Some more so than others." Chris interrupted looking at Joey, who in response lightly punched Chris's bicep.
"...So I don't mind you taking breaks whenever you need to, and feel free to take a lunch break. However, the studios are open from nine in the morning to six in the evening; I expect you to make full use of that time." I continued, ignoring the interruption, and was confronted by several groans of disapproval. "However, the backing dancer's auditions are being held everyday next week, and I expect one of you to be present at them each day.
"Also, on Wednesday afternoon you have your first costume fitting for your stage clothes for the tour. It'll just be checking your measurements, seeing if you like the designs and so forth. The five of you will need to attend that." I turned a page of typed notes that I had in front of me over and took a breath. "In relation to the tour, Wade's been on the phone, he's worried about not having enough rehearsal time. Basically we came to the conclusion that you're going to have to spend some time in the dance studio in the evenings."
I was confronted with more various moans and groans of disapproval and when I looked up I noted that even Lance was frowning. "I'm sorry guys, but you know the deal. The studio time is booked and if you don't make use of it I'm gonna have several moody execs on my back, and believe me, if I thought I could delay the tour I sure as hell would. I've been doing nearly eight hours of paper work each day, and that doesn't include running around after you, chasing up phone calls, trying to organise appearances, an inept secretary..."
"Ok Alex. We get you're point!" Chris stopped me mid-rant, "Don't we have a tour manager yet?"
"The final interviews are on Monday; Johnny's going to make a decision by Wednesday." I rejoined.
"So that should ease the pressure, right?" Joey confirmed, to which I nodded in the affirmative.
"I should be able to catch up on some of the non-tour things." I paused, "Talking of other things, Damien, the Jive web master, wants to do a major update of your site before you leave for Europe. You can each have a day out of the studio for an interview and a photo shoot." I took a breath, and glanced at the five faces around me. Justin was bored, I could tell that his attention was waning; the others didn't seem to be a lot more interested. Except for Lance of course, I truly believe that if he was allowed to take more responsibility he would. Unfortunately for me, it was written into their contracts that none of them were allowed to be part of the management team. This is because they would obviously have a vested interest in getting themselves more air-time than the others; a load of bull if you ask me.
"Also, while I was on the site I noticed that some of the merchandise is becoming slightly out of date, so I've commissioned some prototypes. I'm going to need you to approve them before they can go into production. I'll keep you updated you on that." I then decided that even if I did continue, only one of them would remember what I said; I chose to stop.
"Ok, I'll leave it there." I declared. There were sighs of relief from Justin, JC and Joey, I think Chris was too polite to make it known, but he was also glad that the meeting was over. "Just make sure that four of you are at the studio by nine on Monday, and that the other is at the dancer's auditions." I reminded them, as they rose from the dining table.
"They're getting along pretty well, huh?" Lance leaning in close to me, and spoke quietly into my ear. We were sitting next to each other on a set of steps in Justin's garden, watching my brother, JC and Justin chatting amicably with each other as they passed a football around.
"Yeah." I said in a slightly disappointed manner. "Jesse is acting like he's known JC his entire life."
"Don't be too rough on Josh." Lance said, still speaking in hushed tones, "He's a nice guy; he just doesn't like me."
I scoffed at his comment, "You and I both know that's not true. JC has a serious problem, which he needs to sort out, and I'm not particularly keen on Jesse socialising with him until he does."
"You can't pick and choose your brother's friends Alex." Lance consoled, unconsciously shimmying closer.
I huffed and folded my arms, "My brother has plenty of friends, he doesn't need to associate with a bigot like him." I gestured towards JC.
"They seem to be getting along pretty well, maybe it'll be good for Josh to get to know someone as open-minded as your brother." Lance smiled. I sat in thought for a few moments, laughing slightly when Justin fumbled the ball.
"Why do keep defending him Lance?" I asked.
"You didn't know Josh for very long before I came out. He was cool with just about anything, he's intelligent and great at what he does." He paused in contemplation, "He's always been close to Justin. But about eighteen months ago, he got really depressed. We've all been through it, when everything gets on top of you, me more than most..." He joked, laughing. I broke into a grin at his light mood, "He needed someone to talk to and not to get annoyed because he wasn't pulling his weight. I think Justin was still too young to understand that."
I nodded; I had observed that Justin was quite immature in some aspects, especially when dealing with other people's feelings. He had lead a very sheltered life. Despite always being in the public eye, he was constantly surrounded by four older and wiser men and often several bodyguards to make his moral and social decisions for him. This had led to him becoming quite inexperienced in some matters.
"So, since Justin couldn't really help, I tried to step in. Josh and I became pretty close for a few months; I'd like to think I really helped him. Eventually he was back to his old self and Justin started getting close to him again. But since then Josh and I had this bond... it's difficult to explain. But it's why I can't hold a grudge against him." Lance explained. I didn't realise that their relationship was so deep, but that was something to think about another time. For the moment I was concerned that Lance had given up and was resigned to the fact that JC would hate him for ever more.
"You understand that it doesn't have to be like this, don't you?" I asked at length.
"Yeah, but I can't see any immediate fix for it, so I'm just gonna go with the flow for the time being." He stopped and looked at me, and continued when he saw my doubtful expression, "No point being angry about something totally out of your control, right?"
Unsure of whether my boyfriend's new found self-assurance was a good or bad thing, I simply nodded.
Thankfully I was not allowed any more time to deliberate the matter, as I noticed Justin and Jesse bounding towards us, followed by a more casual JC. "Hey guys! You hungry yet?" Justin asked, rubbing his stomach for effect.
"We were thinking about going to that Thai restaurant you like." Jesse added.
"You like Thai?" Lance asked.
"Sure, it's one of my favourites." I responded.
"Mine too!" He grinned.
"Did they agree?" JC poked his head over Justin's shoulder.
"I dunno. They haven't given a definite answer yet." He gave the slightest shrug of his shoulders as he talked to JC.
"I'm betting on a 'Yes'" My brother informed him.
"So am I." Justin agreed. The three had now stepped away from Lance and I, and had formed a triangle so that none of them were facing us. I frowned at Jesse's impoliteness, I always maintained that manners were essential; it was something that I had spent years trying to pass on to him, and now after solely one afternoon with JC he had forgotten them.
"Hello?" I asked sarcastically, waving my arms frantically in the air, "We're still here you know!"
"Yeah, yeah..." Justin laughed, totally missing my point. "Yes or no?"
I glanced at Lance who nodded yes; as it happened I was also hungry and so decided to overlook this incident. "Yeah, why not." I finally answered.
"Great, let's get going." Justin began to walk towards us, and then stepped between us as he climbed the set of steps that Lance and I were sitting on; he was closely followed by Jesse and JC. Lance looked at me and smiled.
"Guess we'd better get going." He said as he stood. He offered me his hand, which I accepted, and he pulled me to my feet. He glanced towards the house, presumably making sure that my brother and his new playmates weren't looking, before giving me a light peck on the lips. I smiled happily as I turned and took his hand as we walked back towards Justin's backdoor, only to drop it again when I noticed Justin spin around.
"Come on guys!" He whined, "I'm hungry!"
"We're coming!" Lance shouted, as he looked at me, slightly disappointed and broke into a jog to catch up with the others. I followed several paces behind.
When we entered the house Lance locked the door behind me, and proceeded through the kitchen towards the main hall, where he found a set of keys on the table. Jesse, Justin and JC were already standing at the front door, waiting for us.
"What about Chris and Joe?" I asked.
"Oh yeah!" Justin laughed, and then shouted "Hey guys we're going out for dinner!" He paused for a short time and then continued, "You gonna come with, or order something in?"
His question was answered when Chris and Joey came running into the hall together and grabbed their jackets from the cloaks cupboard, all the while laughing and pulling each other back, like kids racing to get out of school.
"I guess that's a yes." Lance laughed.
The seven of us walked out the door towards the cars parked in front of Justin's house. My sedan was among them, as my bike had not yet been delivered. If you're wondering why I hadn't told any of the guys about it, it was because I was planning on keeping it as a surprise. I had some crazy vision of me pulling up in front of them, in black leathers and helmet, and surprising the hell out of them when I revealed my face.
Lance, Chris, Joey and I dropped back behind the other three. We joined in Chris's questions of Joey's trip. Lance and I exchanged loving glances when we were sure that no one else was looking.
Joey came to a point in his story when Lance became particularly interested and closed the distance between himself and his friends, leaving me alone to trail behind them.
As we neared the cars, the two groups in front of me peeled away from each other. Justin, Jesse and JC turned towards Justin's Mercedes, whereas Chris and Joey, followed by Lance headed for his Chris's car. I was left standing halfway in between them. In hindsight the decision that I had to make was hardly a pivotal one, but it certainly seemed like it was at that moment in time.
Should I follow Lance, my boyfriend? Or should I pursue my brother, who l would gladly give my life for? I looked left and studied Lance's behind, then I looked right and watched Jesse chatting away happily to JC.
I chose Lance.
The young boy sat under the light of his desk lamp. He slowly scrawled his inner most thoughts onto a piece of paper. After several minutes of this, he began to cry once more, he attempted to sniff back the tears, but they flowing far too freely for that to have much effect. One dropped onto the page in front of him, followed by another. The two drops pooled together, smudging the ink beneath.
"Fuck." He swore softly, under his breath. He took a break from his writing and surveyed his desk. Surrounding his current effort were many more pages from his notepad, all crumpled into balls. He did the same with this one, tearing it from the pad and squeezing it, crushing it in his fist. He placed the ball beside him, with the others, and resumed.
This time he did not cry, he held himself together long enough to complete his letter. When he had finished he smiled contently, until he realised the importance of the moment. His face dropped, he could feel the deep pools of water forming once again. He shook the feeling of regret away and stood firm. He read the page back to himself.
'Dear Mom and Dad,
'Together we have been through a lot, for the sixteen years that I have lived on this earth you have shown me nothing but love and kindness.
'In all that time, I have endeavoured to return those feelings from the bottom of my heart. You have brought me up well, and taught me to live in this world of ours. You never allowed me feel like I was second best, you treated us equally from the outset and for that I was always grateful. However, now I have no siblings to be second best to; Anne-Marie's death hit us all hard. It made us all take a step back and look within ourselves for a new strength to go on.
'For a long time, I could not find that strength. My sister was special to me, in more ways than you ever knew, for she was the only one with whom I shared everything. Now, without her, I have no one but you.
'I have agonized over the decision to tell you this for too long, it has caused an endless amount of sleepless nights, tears and unhappiness. I now feel ready to explain myself to you; I can only pray to God that you will understand. I am gay.
'I did not choose to be this way. I did not want to be this way, but this is who I am.
'You are probably asking the same questions as I did at first, 'Why?', 'How?', 'What does this mean for the future?'. I have no answers to these questions; I only know that if I did not share this with someone soon, I would've surely died from within.
'When you find this letter, I only ask that you come to me with the same compassion that you did after Annie's death and that you always remember how much I love you.
'Your son, forever,'
The sixteen year old blinked back tears as he signed his name and folded the sheet of paper. He placed it in a drawer next to his desk. He brushed his discarded attempts into the trash, paused, and then closed and locked the drawer. He placed the keys into the same place as always, a small, brightly colored wooden box that he had made in woodwork class when he was younger. Next to the box was a photo of his family, taken before the accident.
The tears returned.
End of Chapter 11
That's the end of another chapter, more drama coming soon! In case you didn't notice, this chapter a little late. Unfortunately, it's that time of year when all of my projects have to be in, and next week I have a load of chemistry pracs, and then I have to load of exams to occupy the month of May. What I'm trying to say is, don't be surprised if the next two or three chapters take a little longer for me to complete - I've got other stuff to do.
Oh yeah, it would be really helpful if you e-mailed me about the story, any comments or questions can be sent to mystories@btinternet.com. Please?
Tris