Two Years to Live By: Gaco 10-14-2005
This story describes how my life could have went, had I made a single different decision. It is, however, fiction, and almost all except the part about my medical issues and a few of the dreams are not true. Constructive criticism is welcome. If gay relationships offend you, then "How did I manage to start reading this story?" is a good question to be asking yourself.
This story is owned solely by Gaco and may not be copied by any means by any unlicensed individuals, groups, or orginazations.
Copyright 2005 Gaco. All Rights Reserved.
Chapter 1 I am Gaco, I am 19 years old, 5'5 103 lbs, dirty blonde hair, brown eyes and pretty good looking if you ask me. Well... more than I used to be anyways, and better than I probably will real soon. It all started when I went to the doctor after my mom was bugging me about getting a problem with chest pain checked out. It turned out to be nothing, but the doctor was worried about the medication I was on for my continual skin problem. We had been to near about 100 doctors about this problem, and each looked me over, gave me another ineffective treatment and put me on my way like they had fixed the problem. Finally we had found a doctor who would give me a treatment that worked like a Miracle. I was so happy to be able to look and act normal again and feel good. It had been 2 years on this treatment when I came to a different doctor for my chest pains. My mom always yapping her trap, let him know that it could be my treatment I am on. This doctor was extremely concerned about long term side effects of my treatment. He referred us to another doctor that deals with the stuff I am on. After a few days we went to this doctor. He seemed very educated, which was something I couldn't say for the last doctor I was at. I told him the story behind all my problems and the medicine I'm on and he thought it over for a bit, and decided to tell me a story about a man who was on the same treatment I'm on for a longer period of time. The guy eventually started having immune system failure as well as adrenal gland failure, which eventually caused his demise. Granted this man was much older than me, but just that, he was much older than me and was for lack of a better phrase, closer to death. I am only 19, just beginning to live, and here I am being told that I will begin to die in about two years. First my systems will start to shut down, then something as simple as the common cold could kill me. When he first told me I though "Damn, sounds a lot like AIDS doesn't it?" unfortunately, there was nothing and no one to blame for my problem, other than a shitty hand dealt to me. I had 2 choices, I could continue to take the medical treatment I was on, and eventually allow it to kill me; or I could stop taking the medicine, probably live much longer, however the entire time, wish I were dead. To tell the truth, the years before I had this treatment, I pretty much did not live. I had no life, did nothing, never left the house, and never wanted to either. I was too scared that someone would say something, think I was ugly, ask me what the deal was with my sick skin, or think I had some nasty disease because my skin had nasty looking red spots all over it, along with skin peeling like I had a sun burn, but I didn't. It takes quite an emotional toll on someone to deal with this. I had no friends beyond the computer, I knew I could never find a boyfriend because of how hideous I looked, no one would want to be with someone who had all kind of sick looking areas on his body. So here I am, sitting around thinking about the choice that has been laid out before me. The choices are basically live, or die. Most people would say anyone in their right mind would choose to live. However, to choose life would be to never really live. To choose death, however, would be to choose to make the most of my next 2 years and really live life to the fullest, even though they are my last. I don't want to die, the thought of death terrifies me. I do however, want to have love, want to have fun, want to enjoy in all the other experiences everyone else gets to do. I have now decided that starting today I will make the most of my last 2 years. I will go to parties, enjoy the company of my friends, and hopefully enjoy being in and making love to a boyfriend, and knowing someone cares about me. I don't want to hurt someone when I die by dating them, but I definitely do not want to be alone when I die. I will have to make a choice to tell him of this sooner than later but that can wait. I jump in my 2002 red Toyota Tacoma and drive off, heading for town. It signifies the beginning of the end. I am not sad though, because I'm too excited thinking about the things to come. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 2 It has been two weeks now since I made my decision, and two weeks before that I had been told I had to make a choice to live or die. I'm now arriving in Atlanta, pulling to a stop in front of a very large hotel. The windows shine in the afternoon sun and the building looks as if it goes up for miles. As I walk in I am dazzled by the intricate designs on the brilliantly red carpet. I walk up to the front desk and talk to the attendant, give him my name and information and he pulls up my reservation. While he's entering a lot of information into the computer, I take a moment to check him out. He's gorgeous, beautiful blue green eyes, dark, thick curly hair and perfectly beautiful smooth skin. He was about 5'9 and 140lbs; just the right amount of muscle but not too much. After a few moments I notice he's looking at me a little funny, its then I realize he had asked me for my credit card and must have noticed me gawking at his breathtaking form. I gave him my credit card and he rang up the bill and I signed it and he went over all the normal disclaimers. After all of the formalities were out of the way, he called someone else to watch the desk for him while he showed me to my room. The room was very spacious and the king sized bed was more than enough for me to sleep on. The room had a hot tub and a fairly large bathtub. I went to the window and looked out at the Atlanta skyline, something I didn't get to see much of in southwest Georgia. Bill, as he had introduced himself made sure everything in my room was in order. After a couple minutes he asked "Is there anything else I can do for you?" I decided to be very bold, and take a chance, after all, what's the point in living if you don't take chances; I wouldn't have too long to regret my decision if it went bad anyways. I replied "Well, what time you get off work? You could hang out with me sometime, I don't have many friends up here and I don't really want to be alone." He smiled a beautiful smile at me and said "Well, I get off at 9PM. We're not supposed to meet guests in their rooms though, so you'll have to go outside to see me. I'll be outside the main entrance for a few minutes if you want to hang out." "I would like that very much Bill, I'll see you then." I smiled. Bill let himself out and I was ecstatic that I could have been so lucky so fast. I decided not to get ahead of myself though, because maybe he was just being friendly. I looked at the clock near the bed and noticed it was 8PM and I had an hour to burn before I went down to see Bill. I decided to watch TV for a few minutes and before I knew it, it was time for me to go downstairs. I walked outside and through all the excitement it seems I had forgotten to move my truck from in front of the hotel. I looked for Bill and spotted him talking to a police officer who was pulled up behind my truck. He looked to be arguing with him and when I went over to ask what was going on Bill took me off to the side and said that the hotel manager had called the police to get my truck towed because it was parked there for so long. I was horrified because that would be a great way to ruin my entire trip. Bill said that he would take care of it though and for me not to worry. I could tell he had something in mind and decided to let him go with it. We walked back over to the officer who was still writing something on a pad of some sort, and Bill notified the officer that his father, the hotel owner has been called to clear this mess up. I was surprised but tried to not let it show on my face. Once Bill's father had arrived the officer left and Bill showed me where to take my truck, he blamed it on himself for not showing me and reminding me in the first place, however I knew it was my fault for being so caught up in his beauty. When we got back to the front of the hotel, Bill's dad was waiting for him and asked him what happened, Bill blamed himself for it and I felt sad that he would do such a thing for me. Bill's father just said to not let it happen again and went on his way. Apparently he is a very busy man. Bill and I started walking down the street and he asked me if I was hungry, by this time, I noticed I hadn't eaten anything in about 6 hours, since about 3:00 when I first left home. Bill said he knows a good place and took us to a pretty nice looking steakhouse. As we walked in I noted that the people here were dressed a little fancier than Bill and I, but he didn't seem to mind. As we waited to be seated, several people looked at us and started laughing. I didn't know what that was about, but I don't really care. After we were seated, Bill said to me "Don't mind them, they are all a bunch of mindless bigots." I was surprised by that comment and it seems he has a lot of animosity towards the people. They did cross me as assholes at first glance though. I looked down at the menu and I'm willing to be my eyes budged out at the prices of the food. Bill must have noticed this because he then said "I hope you don't think you're going to pay, it's on me bud." This shocked me, and I tried to resist but before I could even say anything he just said "I'm not going to take no for an answer, besides, I'd like to thank you for wanting me as a friend. Not many people up here would consider me as a friend. Not after... not after they found out." "Found what out?" I asked. He just said "You wouldn't understand... You would hate me." I had an idea where this was going, so I retorted "Try me!" He whispered back to me, almost in tears "I'm gay, ok I said it, now can you leave and let me cry?" I just said "No, I wont leave you, it doesn't matter to me rather you are gay or not, I find you very attractive actually." He looked up and kind of had a puzzled look on his face, I guess trying to figure out what I meant. It looked like a light bulb turned on in his head and he just grinned at me. I didn't want to get anything overly expensive, but at this restaurant that was kind of hard not to do. Plus, I didn't really like anything on the menu other than the steak. I got the prime rib, which priced up to 75$ at this restaurant. It was excellent, however, the best steak I had ever eaten. I about choked when I glanced at the bill I almost choked on my drink. Bill just looked at me and started laughing, like it was funny. I guess his dad owned more than one of these immaculate hotels to not even blink at a bill like that. He paid, left a generous tip, and we left. We decided to head back to the hotel and hang out for a while. We started walking and walked in the doors, got in the elevator and headed to the 31st floor. Mine. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 3 When we got up stairs I let him in my room and he asked what I wanted to do. All I wanted was to hang out and spend my time with someone. Spending time with Bill sure seemed like a great thing to do! I flicked on the TV and plopped down on the large bed, and sunk right down into the mattress. He sat down next to me, but not as close as I was hoping he would. He looked to be deep in thought, and after the outburst at the restaurant I was pretty sure what it was. "What's on your mind?" I asked. "Oh nothing..." Came his reply. "I know better than that Bill. I can see that much, what's going on in there?" I said, pointing to his head. "I'm just thinking about you. You're really cool and I... I just wish you lived here, with me. I'd really like to get to know you better... and have something last longer than a few days." These words touched me, yet still made me very depressed. I hadn't wanted to get so close to him as to create feelings. I knew that there would just be pain and heart break once Bill found out about my choice, the choice to die. "Let's just watch TV for now." I said. We both laid back on the bed relaxing, and after a bit, I cuddled up next to Bill to feel the comfort of his arms. They were so warm, secure, strong, inviting, relaxing. After a few minutes I must have dozed off because the next thing I know he's trying to sneak out of the bed. "Please don't leave." I said. He looked at me sadly and said "I figured I was just boring you and put you to sleep." I replied "NO! That is the first time I've slept in a week. You make me feel so safe. I... Please." "Ok, but let's get more comfortable" We pulled back the covers and got under them, after shucking all but our boxers. I cuddled back into his arms and almost immediately fell asleep again. I could tell he was concerned when I mentioned not sleeping, but I supposed the explanation will come later. I dreamt that Bill and I were at the beach. We were having a great time and the water was a beautiful aqua blue. I could feel a connection between us in the dream. It was like we have always known each other and at some point there were like matching symbols on the two of us. It was rather odd. Near the end of the dream, however, there was a cliff at the edge of the beach. It plummeted about 300 feet into the water. How that cliff got there I don't know, because earlier the house we were at was right near the water and now its back a ways and there's a cliff there. After staring in awe of our matching symbols, something happened. Bill suddenly got angry with me for no reason and our symbols wouldn't match up, it felt so WRONG when that happened. I felt as if I were dyeing. Seconds later Bill ran towards the cliff full speed, and plummeted off the edge. I chased after him and jumped as well. Amazingly we both landed in the water, we were alive. I then woke up. Bill was looking at me when I woke up. I don't know if I was making noises, talking or what. However, he was looking at me rather oddly. When I saw the look on his face, I just started to cry. It was an extremely concerned face. He pulled me close and held on to me. I whimpered "Why did you have to jump?" He looked at me quizzically and I spoke. "I... the dream... you were there... on a beach with me... and... we broke." "I know." he interrupted me. I looked at him strangely, and he continued "I know, because I had the same dream... or at least one very similar... I heard the ending of your dream, and knew what had happened. You were a bit loud." I shivered and he just gripped me tighter. "How?" I asked. "I guess we just truly do have a connection on a different level as the dream suggested with that symbol thing. Maybe our subconscious is scared about that link being broken sometime in the future for some reason." As he said that I felt the blood drain from my face. I guess now would be as good a time as any to tell him about my choice. After I explained all the details to Bill he just sat there in shock, not saying anything. I guess he figured that that explained the link being broken in the dream. It was as if all of a sudden I became 1000 times more attracted and in love with him during that dream. Now the pain of my decision was starting to weigh down on my chest. However, I could not waiver from my plan. The decision had already been made. After my explanation it seemed neither of us were up for more conversation so we just laid back down and eventually both dozed off to sleep. I woke up again at 11:00 AM. I was surprised to see Bill still lying there with me as I figured it were time for him to get to work already. I nudged him awake and asked him when he had to get to work and he told me he had the day off. I then relaxed and cuddled back up into his arms and just basked in the comfort and peace of his presence. About 30 minutes passed and I realized both our stomachs were growling and we were pretty hungry. As we got up out of bed he asked me if I'd like to take a shower with him. I was surprised by the gesture but was also excited. The thought of seeing Bill's naked body excited me. Just as I was walking into the bathroom he stopped me. "We both can't fit in that shower silly." He said. "Oh..." I said dejectedly. He smiled then said "I have a much more comfortable shower upstairs in my apartment." I got dressed, grabbed a change of clothes and we got in the elevator. He entered his key into the lock inside of the number 51 button and the elevator started moving. As we got out, I noticed that there weren't many doors in this hallway and we then arrived in front of room 5105. Bill unlocked the door and flicked on the light. Calling this place an apartment was an understatement. It was the size of a house! As I followed him through the place I asked him "You live here alone?" "Yup, just me... It gets kind of lonely sometimes, but my dad insisted I take it. He seems to think it will come in handy when I start a family." Bill said flatly. "He doesn't know you're gay?" "Nope, even though all the people around here know, he somehow has managed to avoid hearing it or something." We walked into the bathroom and I was in awe of the immaculate design of the room. It was so much more brilliant than the boring cloned rooms downstairs. I noticed his shower was ten foot wide by ten foot across. Bill must have noticed me staring because he said "I had this apartment special built for myself after Dad insisted I get one in his new building. I deiced to get an extra large shower in case I ever want to use it for... recreational purposes." "Oh so I'm just another toy for you to play around with?" I said grinning, already knowing how he felt. "NO!" He said almost too quickly. "I just wanted us to have room to be comfortable... You're special to me. For reasons beyond that which I can explain." He then started 2 shower heads in the back corner of the small room. The shower heads were positioned so that the one on the left side was pointing into the middle of the corner and the one on the right side was as well, effectively making one big shower for whoever was in the corner. We stepped under the warm rejuvenating flow and grinned at each other. As if reading my thoughts he asked "Want me to lather you up?" I nodded yes and enjoyed feeling his hands roaming over and massaging my body. His hands easily loosened up my shoulders and back muscles and my body tingled as he wrapped his arms around me to wash my stomach. I leaned back into his embrace and shuttered with pleasure as it almost felt as if we became one. After I was clean, I repeated the process, noting where I got the most response out of his body. Once we were clean we got out of the shower and dried off. We then got dressed and he asked me what I wanted for breakfast. I shrugged and said whatever. About 15 minutes later he has eggs bacon and biscuits made for the two of us and milk to drink. "Thank you for the wonderful breakfast Bill, it's delicious." I said. "It's the least I can do, for you." He replied looking at me dreamily. After we finished I helped him clean up the dishes and we started to talk. We then moved to the living room and sat down in the couch, in front of the TV. "So where do you live?" He asked. "Albany. It's about 3 hours south of here." I replied. "Oh, I know the place, I have an aunt who lives down there." "Cool." "So why are you up here in Atlanta? Just for fun or do you have a purpose or?" He asked. "Well... I just decided that before it was all over... I just wanted to live a little." "So you decided that you could come up here, make someone fall in love with you, and then die on them?" He said, half jokingly. This however, made me very depressed. I must have made a face or something cause he then said "Hey I didn't mean it like that its just that... well... I guess I am falling for you... and it would hurt so much to lose you... I mean, I just found you." I felt like I had to get out of there, but he must have read my thoughts again, or something, because he had already grabbed a hold of me and wouldn't let me go. I struggled to get out of his grasp, but he wouldn't budge. Eventually I just gave up and started to cry, and he cried with me. He was really beginning to make me feel like I should have chosen life... but it was too late. I couldn't do that. My parents would think me a coward. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 4 I must have fallen asleep or passed out, because the next thing I knew I was waking up, under the covers of Bill's bed. As I was just sitting up he came into the bedroom with a tray of food. "I figured you would wake up soon, so I brought us some food to eat." He said smiling a gorgeous smile. "What time is it?" I asked, not being able to see a clock. "About ten after five." "Oh... I wasted your entire day off of work." I said sadly. "It wasn't a waste." He said softly. "I enjoyed spending the time taking care of you. While I was downstairs I talked to my dad, and he's giving me a week off; something about me earning it. I don't care... I just know that I get to spend time with you." "I see..." I said remembering why I was in his bed. "I'm surprised you want to spend time with someone who's just going to get you attached then leave you." I said completely serious. "Actually..." He said slowly. "I was hoping that after this week, maybe you would change your mind." I thought about that for a moment, but then realized it would take more than that to change my mind... to suffer for a lifetime. "Come on, get up." He said almost dragging me out of bed. "There's a lot to do this time on a Friday night you know! We are in Atlanta after all!" We took another shower, repeating the earlier process of massaging each other's bodies. After showering we went downstairs and he spoke again. "We'll take my car... I know my way around a lot better than you I'm sure. Plus well... what good is having a dad with a lot of money if you can't flaunt it?" He grinned. He led the way to a secluded area of the parking garage and stopped right next to a 2005 Corvette, my favorite shade of green. "Wow..." I said in a whisper. "It's nothing really... I just decided on it after my dad kept pushing me to get an expensive car, instead of something more modest like I wanted." "No it's not that..." I said carefully. "This car... its like... my dream car... the car I always wanted." I then looked back to him "You suck!" I said grinning. "Lets go." We got into his car and he started it up. It was purring like a tiger as we pulled out of the garage and onto the road. As we begun to weave and wind around the streets of downtown Atlanta he took my hand and just grinned at me. Before long we arrived at the Mall of Georgia. "Lets walk around for a while." He said smiling at me. To my surprise, he took my hand as soon as we got out of the car and didn't let go as we walked into the front doors of the mall. We visited several high class clothing shops just looking around, and many of the more gay-targeted shops as well, checking out the guys inside and the posters with half naked very attractive men on them. I looked around a few times looking for someone to be giving us a weird look or something, but no one seemed to care. When we walked into a high-tech shop that had all of the new toys and gadgets I went straight for a Virtual Reality headset I had seen online a few weeks prior to my arrival in Atlanta. I immediately put it on and was amazed at the detail and realistic nature of the projections on my senses. Since there were two headsets Bill also put one on and suddenly he appeared in my virtual dimension. "Wow..." Was all he could say. We kept looking around the store at all the neat toys. Each time I expressed interest in something he would try to buy it for me but I refused completely, knowing he had already wasted enough of his time and money on me. We walked around the mall for another couple hours visiting some sporting goods stores looking at all the big guns and "Big boys toys" they had. Finally after several hours we were back at his car. This time however, there was something different about it. The windows were all broken out and the words "FAGGOTS" was painted onto the windshield. "Oh god!" Was all I could say before I saw the men in masks come out from behind a nearby van and hit Bill and I in the back of the head with a metal bar. Everything after that was darkness. I drifted through the dark for years it seemed. Occasionally I could hear voices and sounds around me. None of which could I discern as anything in particular. My thoughts went towards Bill. I couldn't find him in the darkness. I searched all over, but it just wouldn't turn up anything. I was lost now. I had lost Bill. What had I done!? I awoke with a light in my eye. "He's coming to." I heard a voice say. "He's in a lot better shape than the other one." Another voice said. "Lets hope he lives to see these guys put away." I heard a voice that I could see the owner. It was a cop. Oh god... Bill... He's in trouble! I groaned and suddenly ten people were hovering over me at once. After the doctors made sure I was in no immediate danger, the police began asking questions. They wanted to know everything that happened over the past few days, some of the information I was reluctant to give, however they seemed pretty gay-friendly so I tried to keep it as much of the truth as possible. "How is he?" I asked after the police stopped asking so many questions. "I don't think we can tell you that son. Health regulations and all... However, this man is Bill's father and he can tell you... if he wants." One of the officers said, with a sad look upon his face. "Hello." I heard a gruff voice say. "I just thought you'd like to know that because of you my son is in a coma right now and may never wake up. You fucking corrupted him you faggot!" He started to say more but the police pulled him out of the room before I could hear anymore of it. Bill was in a coma. I repeated to myself in my head over and over. It was all my fault. Bill may die, because of me. Why? I began to sob uncontrollably. A few monitors in my room began to beep and a nurse came in, injected something into my IV, and then the darkness came again. This time, however, I was joined by Bill. "Hello Gaco." He said sadly. "I'm afraid this is goodbye. I think you know my condition thanks to my father. I just wanted to thank you for the great times you gave me over the past couple days. I wanted to tell you that I loved you, even though I couldn't say it for fear of losing you. I gotta go now... I'll always be with you in your heart." Then he was gone. I broke down crying, unable to stop and the darkness again covered me. Then, nothing, silence.