Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction. It contains characters who share names, descriptions, etc., with real-life people (specifically members of the group *N SYNC); however, this is all fantasy and in no way is to insinuate anything about those people.
This is a little ditty that came to me after a conversation with Eriker (my muse). I think (and hope) it demonstrates a couple different ways gay men look at their lives. I tried very hard not to judge or take sides--both are very real types; and each person has to decide for himself what is right for him--and it often changes at different times in your life. Hope you enjoy--it's short and quick. Please send any comments you may have to storywrightr@aol.com. Thanks.
Two Sides of a Coin
Walking into Chris's hotel room, Justin saw Lance and immediately lit into him. "Couldn't you have kept it down some last night? Some of us were trying to sleep."
"Sorry Curly. You know I sometimes get carried away. I just like to express my pleasure!" Lance replied with a laugh.
"Yeah, by screaming at the top of your lungs! How can you sing after a night like that? And how can you be so awake this morning. I'm tired just from LISTENING to you!"
"Well you should have come over and joined us," Lance replied with his crooked smile.
"I don't think so. You know that's not my style."
"Why not? You need to live some."
Ignoring the remark, Justin asked, "Where is everybody? Why am I here and not sleeping if no one else is here?"
"Thanks, didn't realize that I'm nobody."
"You know what I mean. Where's Chris? Where's Joey?"
"Where's JC?"
"In the shower."
"Oh, showering alone these days?"
"When we have to get ready to be someplace, it's easier to take turns in the bathroom."
"I worry about your sex life Justin."
"Well, don't. It's just fine. So where ARE the others?"
"Chris is walking his dog. Joey's on the phone with someone. We DID take a shower together, but then I came on over here to give him privacy."
"I don't get you two. I mean, you certainly have a lot of FUN together--why aren't you really TOGETHER?"
"Cause we don't want to be! Justin, I'm 20 years old! Why would I want to be settled for life at this age? I want to have fun! And I have FUN with Joey!"
"But it's so much better when you love the other person."
"How would YOU know? Unless I've missed some news reports, you've never done anything with ANYONE but JC! Aren't you ever curious? Don't you wonder what it would be like with someone else?"
"Yeah. Like I wonder what it would be like to work at McDonalds-- but I ain't quittin' *N SYNC to find out! I know when I have a good thing. I really truly love JC--in a way I'm not sure you can understand."
"Ouch, you're SO mean to me," Lance laughed.
"It's true Lance. I love him. He's everything I could ever want a guy to be. He's gorgeous, kind, smart, fun, SEXY! And he LOVES me! And I love him. And I want to spend my life with him. I'm just thankful I found him so young so I can have every day with him."
"Well, I'm happy for you--I guess. And I'm happy for me--that I'm NOT in love. I'd like to have a partner someday--but SOMEDAY! I mean, how could I make it work with our schedule and all. It would be ridiculous to even try. You two are just lucky cause you're in the group together."
"You and Joey are in the group together."
"Just, have you still not gotten it? We like each other as friends. And we REALLY like each other as fuck buddies, but we are NOT in love. Joey likes fucking me--and he likes fucking girls. I figure the girls--or ONE girl--will win out one of these days. He'll get married and have little FAT ones and live happily ever after."
"And you?"
"I will NOT get married and have little Basses."
"You know what I mean." "I told you, SOMEDAY! Right now I love being free to meet guys and free to have fun with them."
"Don't you feel cheap?"
Laughing, Lance looked at Justin. "You know you can really be rude sometimes! NO, I feel ALIVE! I feel young and alive and lucky to be having fun! I still say you should join us sometime-- Joey and me or me and whoever. You can even bring JC along if you want. I guarantee everyone will have a good time."
"Not a guarantee you could deliver on," Justin said shaking his head. "I would not be having a good time if I had to watch someone else touching JC. And it'd break my heart to see him touch someone else. It'd break my heart for ME to touch someone else."
"What is it? Like an insecurity thing? You afraid of losing him? You think you need him so much?"
"NO! It's not that at all. You really can't understand cause you've never been in love. It doesn't feel like a sacrifice. It feels like a pleasure. It's wonderful to be only with him. It makes it all the more special. And yeah, you're right, I've never been with anyone else but Josh. And I hope I live my whole life being able to say that!"
"Either you're very lucky or very crazy. I guess I hope I'm crazy like that someday. But I'm in no hurry. Check back with me in five or ten--maybe then! Not now."
"Just so you're careful--body and soul."
Lance smiled at his friend and answered him quietly. "I am Justin. I am. I'm not getting my heart broken. And I'm not getting any diseases. I know how to play safe."
"Nothing is completely safe."
"Have you ever thought about being a Southern Baptist preacher?"
The two laughed hard at the thought. "They'll love having JC keeping house at the parsonage!"
"And hosting pot-luck dinners!"
They were still laughing as the door opened and the other three came in along with Busta.
"What's so funny?" JC asked, as Chris and Joey looked on awaiting an answer.
"Justin as a Southern Baptist preacher!" Lance said as he and Justin started laughing again. The others just watched curiously.
"By the way, Lance, couldn't you have kept it down some last night? Some of us were trying to sleep," JC said.
Justin and Lance looked at each other and laughed even harder.